Upworthy’s book GOOD PEOPLE is coming this year — pre-order now!

Shop
 Explore 

family2019

Family

9 astounding photos this mom took to keep herself calm while giving birth.

Birth is intense. It's also beautiful.

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

New baby and a happy dad.

When San Francisco photographer Lisa Robinson was about to have her second child, she was both excited and nervous.

Sure, those are the feelings most moms-to-be experience before giving birth, but Lisa's nerves were tied to something different.

She and her husband already had a 9-year-old son but desperately wanted another baby. They spent years trying to get pregnant again, but after countless failed attempts and two miscarriages, they decided to stop trying.

Of course, that's when Lisa ended up becoming pregnant with her daughter, Anora. Since it was such a miraculous pregnancy, Lisa wanted to do something special to commemorate her daughter's birth.

So she turned to her craft — photography — as a way to both commemorate the special day, and keep herself calm and focused throughout the birthing process.

Normally, Lisa takes portraits and does wedding photography, so she knew the logistics of being her own birth photographer would be a somewhat precarious new adventure — to say the least.

She initially suggested the idea to her husband Alec as a joke.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"After some thought," she says, "I figured I would try it out and that it could capture some amazing memories for us and our daughter."

In the end, she says, Alec was supportive and thought it would be great if she could pull it off. Her doctors and nurses were all for Lisa taking pictures, too, especially because it really seemed to help her manage the pain and stress.

In the hospital, she realized it was a lot harder to hold her camera steady than she initially thought it would be.

She had labor shakes but would periodically take pictures between contractions.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Eventually when it was time to push and I was able to take the photos as I was pushing, I focused on my daughter and my husband and not so much the camera," she says.

"I didn't know if I was in focus or capturing everything but it was amazing to do.”

The shots she ended up getting speak for themselves:

husbands and wives, intimacy, hospital rooms,

Lisa's husband Alec.

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

Hello Doc.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

Warm and encouraging smiles from the nurse.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

Hello, baby Anora!

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

An overcome father.

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

experiment, images, capture, document, record

Newborn Anora's first experience with breastfeeding.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Everybody was supportive and kind of surprised that I was able to capture things throughout. I even remember laughing along with them at one point as I was pushing," Lisa recalled.

In the end, Lisa was so glad she went through with her experiment. She got incredible pictures — and it actually did make her labor easier.

Would she recommend every mom-to-be document their birth in this way? Absolutely not. What works for one person may not work at all for another.

However, if you do have a hobby that relaxes you, figuring out how to incorporate it into one of the most stressful moments in your life is a pretty good way to keep yourself calm and focused.

Expecting and love the idea of documenting your own birthing process?

Take some advice from Lisa: "Don't put pressure on yourself to get 'the shot'" she says, "and enjoy the moment as much as you can.”

Lisa's mom took this last one.

Mom and daughter earned the rest.

Photo via Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

This article originally appeared on 06.30.16

From Your Site Articles

Identity

Her son came out. She called a gay bar for advice. The delightful conversation went viral.

Parenting done right.

Photo courtesy of Kara Coley.

Kara Coley, a bartender at Sipps in Gulfport, Mississippi, got an unusual phone call on the job last week.

"Good evening," Coley answered. "Thank you for calling Sipps!"

A woman on the other end of the line asked, "Is this a gay bar?"

Sipps welcomes everyone, Coley explained to her, but indeed attracts a mostly LGBTQ crowd.

"Can I ask you a question?" the caller followed up. "Are you gay?"

"Yes, ma'am," Coley said.

Then things got interesting.

"What was the one thing you wanted from your parents when you came out?" the woman continued.

Coley, who's tended bar for about 17 years, was a little caught off guard. In all her years of experience fielding requests and helping others working in the service industry, she'd never received a question like that.

Photo courtesy of Kara Coley.

"My son just came out to me," the woman continued on the other end of the line. "And I don't want to say anything that may mess him up in the head."

Coley thought for a moment. Then she asked the woman if she accepted her son for who he is.

The woman answered "yes."

"You should definitely let him know that you love and accept him!" Coley said. "I think everything will be OK from there!"

The woman thanked Coley for her input and they parted ways.

Later that night, in the early hours of Jan. 19, Coley decided to post the entire interaction to her Facebook page, noting how "random" it all had been.

In the days following, her post went viral, amassing over 1,500 likes and hundreds of shares.

So I got the most random phone call at the bar tonight! 😀Me:Good evening Thankyou for calling Sipps!Lady on phone: Is...
Posted by Kara Coley on Friday, January 19, 2018

The post's comment section soon filled with love and gratitude for Coley's simple but endearing answer.

"My heart is truly touched by this," one Facebook user wrote. "A parent wanting to support correctly, and a beautiful response. This is progress. This is love and acceptance in the rawest form."

"Kara, this old granny lesbian is so grateful for you, and for a parent that thought outside the box to get advice!" another user chimed in. "Keep being you!"

"[The response] has been amazing," Coley writes. She believes her post struck a chord with friends and strangers alike because people are looking for encouraging news: "Every day people wake up and there's so much negativity in the world — people just need a breath of fresh air!"

For parents to an LGBTQ child, it's still vital to understand the facts too, Coley noted: "Educate yourself [on LGBTQ issues] and do a little research."

Ideally, parents should have access to better resources than their local gay bar when it comes to getting help with LGBTQ parenting. At the end of the day, though, the best thing you can do as a parent is make sure your kid understands you're there through thick and thin.

"Just knowing you have someone in your corner takes a little weight off your shoulders," Coley wrote.

Learn more about being a good ally as a parent of an LGBTQ child at PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). If you're a young LGBTQ person who needs help, resources are available at The Trevor Project.

This article originally appeared on 1.24.18

From Your Site Articles

Joy

Meet a mom who takes care of people's babies while they make huge parenting decisions.

This is what it's like to be an 'interim parent.'

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

Jillian, “... my heart skips a beat."

I'm trying desperately to be respectful of the person speaking to me, but my husband keeps texting me.

First he sends me a selfie of him with Rafi*, then it's an account of who stopped him on his way into the NICU.

Then he suggests I take a selfie with Jillian* so he can post them side-by-side on Facebook and boast that we finally have two babies.

People will ask if they're twins, I'm sure. But they're not twins. In fact, the babies aren't even ours.

James' dream come true: Two babies! Rafi in the NICU with Tatte, Jillian at home with Eema.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

I take care of these babies because I'm what's known as an "interim parent."

Over the past four years, my family has cared for 22 newborns.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

The program I'm part of is rare; there are very few like it in the United States.

While the babies are in my care, the birth parents retain their legal rights as parents and are encouraged to visit their babies (if that's something they would like).

My three kids with our baby before he meets his forever mommy.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

If they weren't in the care of interim moms like me, these tiny babies might wait in the hospital a few extra days while their adoptions are finalized — or they might enter the foster care system.

In New York, biological parents have 30 days after adoption proceedings begin to change their minds about their placement plan.

I became an interim parent when a local mom posted about it on our neighborhood Yahoo! group.

"That! THAT I can do!" I thought, as I looked at the computer screen.

I was thrilled. I felt incapable of doing other types of volunteer work, but I felt like I had finally found a community service that I could perform. So, my husband and I applied. And after months of doctor appointments, background checks, interviews, and letters of reference from close friends, we were accepted.

biological parents, decision making, social care

We left the adoption agency with an empty stroller — but it didn't stay that way for long!

Photo by Stacey Natal/ Total City Girl, used with permission.

The hope with the interim boarding care program is that biological parents have time to gain clarity about their decisions without pressure.

It also helps adoptive parents feel secure in their status as parents.

The children don't usually get the chance to be present when one of our babies goes home, so this was a special day. Roughly 30% of the babies I've cared for have returned to their biological parents after their stay with me, and the rest have been adopted. Many of the birth mothers I've known have pursued open adoptions, selecting and meeting their child's forever families.

People often ask me what the experience of interim parenting is like, but there's no rule: Each case is different.

Babies stay with us, on average, for a few weeks. But one baby stayed with us with five days, another for nine and a half weeks.

Whatever the scenario, my family and I are available to care for these babies until they go home ... wherever "home" may be.

This work can be emotionally challenging, too.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

This work can be emotionally challenging, too. Some biological parents do not interact with us at all while they're making big decisions, and some end up being very involved. Some text regularly, requesting photos and updates on the baby while the baby is in our care. Sometimes they schedule weekly visits with the babies. One birth mom became such a constant in our life that my son asked if we could bake her cookies.

I am often blown away by the biological parents' gratitude.

Melody* was one of the most beautiful babies I'd ever cared for, and I met her parents a couple of times. When they came to take her home, it was as though she was the only one in the room. When they thanked me for taking care of her, my lip started to quiver.

I had also never met Jibraan's dad, either, when I placed him in his arms the day they went home together. "From the bottom of my heart ... I can't tell you what you've done for me," he said. I remember that he towered over me, the size of a linebacker, clenching his jaw to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks.

Big smiles and on the phone.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl, used with permission.

When I wave goodbye to the social workers at the agency after introducing each baby to their forever family, I always wonder how long it will be before I get to hold another baby.

I don't get attached to each baby, per se. But I get attached to having a baby, to taking care of a baby. I resent my empty arms, and I feel like I've lost my purpose. So each time I see the adoption agency's phone number pop up on caller ID, my heart skips a beat.

When the voice on the other end says, "Hi, Ann ... are you ready to take another baby?" my first thought is, "Baby! I'm getting a BABY!" That excitement lasts for at least 48 hours.

But even as the adrenaline calms down and the sleepless nights begin to take their toll, the experience of caring for each baby proves to be more than enough motivation for me to keep going.

The emotions that swell when my babies go home with any parent — their adoptive parents or their birth parents — are not just because of the emptiness I feel in my arms or even because of the happiness I have for my babies and their families.

The emotions I feel are because of the fullness in my heart and the gratitude I have for being a part of each of these babies' stories, even if it's just for a moment.

This article was written by Ann Lapin and originally appeared on 04.08.16

From Your Site Articles

Family

7 secrets to raising awesome, functional teenagers.

Step 1: Ditch the myth that all teens are sullen, angry creatures.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

My beautiful teens.

I occasionally get asked by mothers of young children what the secret is to raising great teenagers.

My initial response is that I have absolutely no clue. My kids are who they are IN SPITE of having me as a mother. (The young moms don't find that answer too helpful.)

Really, the first thing that I will tell you is to disbelieve the myth that teenagers are sullen, angry creatures who slam doors and hate their parents. Some do that, but the overwhelming majority do not. Every one of my kids' friends are just as happy and fun as my kids are, so I know it's not just us.

Teenagers are incredible. They are funny, smart, eager to please, and up for just about anything as long as food is involved. They have the most generous hearts and want desperately to be loved and validated. They are quirky and messy and have the best sense of humor.

rules for teens, raising teens, secrets, privilege

Bright smiles on the couch.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

So, here is my list of "rules" for raising teens. These are the secrets we have found to be successful.

1. Love them fiercely.

Love everything about them, even the annoying stuff. Love them for their actions AND their intentions. Let them know in word and deed how much you adore them. Daily. Love their wrinkled shirts and Axe-body-spray-covered selves. Love their bad handwriting and pimpled cheeks. Love their scattered brains and long limbs. All these seemingly insignificant details are an amazing, magical process at work. It's like being witness to the miracle of a diamond mid-formation. All this imperfection is going to one day yield a responsible, serious adult. A loving husband and father. Or a wonderful wife and mother. It's a privilege to be witness to such glorious growth.

See your teenagers as a privilege, don't see them as a burden. They're more perceptive than you can imagine. How you feel about them will be no secret. So just love ‘em.

2. Listen and pay attention.

When they walk in the door after school, you have a precious few minutes when they will divulge the secrets of their day with you. Be excited to see them. Put down the cell phone. Don't waste this time making dinner or taking a phone call. Look them in the eye and hear what they are saying. Make their victories your victories. Be empathetic. It is really hard to navigate high school and middle school. Don't offer advice at this time unless they ask for it. Don't lecture. Just listen. It makes them feel important and valued. We all need to feel that way.

3. Say yes more than you say no.

The world is forever going to tell them no. For the rest of their lives, they will be swimming in a stormy sea with wave after wave of "you're not good enough" and "you can't do this" crashing down on their heads. If nothing else, I want to be the opposite voice in their lives for as long as I can. I want to instill in them the belief that they are not limited and they can do anything if they're willing to work hard enough for it. I want to be the YES, YOU CAN in their lives. I want them to leave my house every day feeling invincible.

4. Say no often.

You need to say no to experiences and situations that will set your child up for harm or unhappiness. Don't let them go to the parties where they will be forced to make a choice about alcohol at age 16 in front of their peers . Don't let them stay out until three in the morning with a member of the opposite sex. Be the parent. Set up rules for their safety, both physical and moral. You would think this rule goes without saying, but we have known a shockingly large number of parents who don’t.

5. Feed them. A lot.

And not only them, but their friends too. These bodies are growing and developing at an astonishing rate and need fuel to do so — most of which they prefer to be loaded with processed sugar and hydrogenated-something-or-others. When their friends know your pantry is stocked to the gills with treats, they will beg your kid to hang out at your place. This allows you to not only meet and know their friends, but to keep an eye on your teen as well.

6. Don't sweat the small stuff.

When living with teenagers, it can be so easy to see the backpack dropped in the middle of the living room as laziness. Or the bedroom scattered with dirty clothes as irresponsible. Instead, and before you open your mouth to yell at them, put yourself in their shoes. Find out about their day first. Maybe they are feeling beaten down, and they just need to unwind for a minute and tell you about it. Ignore the mess for a bit and put your arms around that big, sweaty kid and give him a hug. Talk to him about his world. Find out what he did, wants to do, and dreams of doing. THEN, and only then, ask him to pick it up and put it away.

That being said, do I completely ignore the state of my boys' bedrooms all the time? No, I do not. But I pick my battles, and I pick the appropriate time to fight them. Once every seven to 10 days or so, I tell them their bedrooms need to be picked up. Which they do happily because it's not the running loop of a nagging mom. They know when I ask, it needs to be done.

7. Stand back and watch the magic happen.

Having a funny picture taken.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

If you let them, these glorious creatures will open their hearts and love you more fiercely than you could possibly imagine. They are brilliant, capable, strong spirits who bring with them a flurry of happiness. They are hilarious and clever. They are thoughtful and sensitive. They want us to adore them. They need us to adore them. They love deeply and are keenly in touch with the feelings of others.

They are just about the greatest gift God gave to parents.

This article was written by Christie Halversson and originally appeared on 08.20.19

From Your Site Articles

Family

An NFL linebacker was caught on mic trying to find his mama in the stands. Awwww

NFL Highlights Channel/YouTube

This article originally appeared on 11.27.19

No matter how big, burly, and badass you become, sometimes you just want to see your mama's face.

A video of Miami Dolphins player Jerome Baker Jr. looking for his mom in the stands has gone viral because it's just so dang wholesome. The 22-year-old linebacker was mic'd during the game, and as he sat with his teammates on the bench, he kept scanning the crowd, asking aloud where his mama was. According to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, Baker had sent his mom, Theodora, a ticket to the game, but he wasn't sure if she was going to make it.

The video alternates between Baker pumping up his teammates on the field, making tackles, and hanging with his teammates on the sidelines and asking,"Bro, where is my mama?" Just after a play, he was caught on the field looking up to the stands, asking himself, "Where is she AT?" At one point, Baker was singing along to the Miami Dolphins fight song, only to interject another "Where is my mama?" in the middle of it.

The contrast between Baker's game-on intensity and his innocent searching between plays creates a touching montage that could melt any mom's heart.

Mic'd Up: Dolphins LB Jerome Baker looking for his mama in Week 9 winwww.youtube.com

Baker himself found the video hilarious, and said he was "dying laughing" when he saw it making the rounds on Twitter.

"It was just funny. You don't realize how many times I was saying it, but I was saying it so much. The video made it funnier," he said in a video with the Sun-Sentinel.

"If you look at the video, I was clean at one point. Then later on, I had a little bit of dirt on me. Then later on, I was full of dirt. It was like the whole game, I was saying, 'Where's my mom? Where's my mom?'," he said. "It was just a funny moment I didn't realize, but I was definitely looking for my mom a lot."

Even people who aren't fans of football can appreciate the sweetness of a tough young man wanting to see his mama. Whoever you are, wherever you live, whatever you do, there's just something comforting in knowing mom is cheering you on.

From Your Site Articles

A man described the awe of watching his wife give birth, and it's giving us all the feels

William Trice Battle/Facebook

Comedy legend Carol Burnett once said, "Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head." She wasn't joking.

Going through childbirth is widely acknowledged as one of the most grueling things a human can endure. Having birthed three babies myself, I can attest that Burnett's description is fairly accurate—if that seemingly impossible lip-stretching feat lasted for hours and involved a much more sensitive part of your body.

RELATED: A mom's raw photo after a C-section shows how badass the female body is.

I found childbirth amazing and empowering, but I can't deny that parts of it hurt like hell. Even my easiest and shortest labor felt like my body was being split in two for a while, and if you don't know what "back labor" feels like, imagine being stabbed in the tailbone with a white hot knife. With each birth, I got to a moment where I didn't think I could do it anymore. Each time, I hit a point where I would have happily handed over everything I owned to make it stop.

I chose the unmedicated route, but women who get the epidural or have their babies via c-section go through drastic bodily transformations to have their babies as well. No birth is a walk in the park, and everyone who sacrifices their body to grow a human being and then bring that human being into the world is super badass.

That's why a Facebook post from a new dad describing the awe he felt watching his wife give birth has gone viral. Witnessing the strength and stamina of a birthing woman is enough to make anyone feel awed, but William Trice Battle's poetic description has got thousands of us all up in our feelings.

RELATED: We need to fundamentally reexamine how new moms are cared for after childbirth.

He wrote:

I honestly don't know how she did it. The pain was so intense, so overwhelming, that even I felt it. Everyone in the room felt it. Yet she pulled through. Her pain was gruesome. Her struggle seemed almost unbearable. I found myself gritting my teeth when she did, tensing my entire body when her contractions hit, and shedding tears along with her. All while realizing that I was merely a passenger, never to truly understand the excruciating pain she was experiencing.

She gave her labor every ounce of life and energy she had in her. And then gave a little bit more. And through it all, at the end of it she selflessly gave all of us a glimpse into what she has been enjoying exclusively to herself for the past 9 months. We all finally get to love and hold the boy that she sacrificed her body, comfort, energy, and self for. My son is an absolute miracle. Babies are absolute miracles. But to me, the greater miracle is his mother, who has shown me what selfless sacrifice really is. What love really is.

My wife is the real miracle.

"My wife is the real miracle." Absolutely beautiful, Mr. Battle. Here's to the birthers of babies who go through immense self-sacrifice to keep the human race going.

From Your Site Articles

childbirth

Family

Mother posts raw photos of her C-section scar to prove it's not the 'easy way out'

via Engin_Akyurt / Pixabay

There's a bizarre prejudice directed at women who have C-sections to deliver their babies.

They're often asked if they feel they "missed out" on giving birth or are told they took the "easy way out" by having surgery instead of delivering the baby vaginally.

Ask any woman who's had a C-section and she'll tell you, it's no walk in the park.

A C-section is major abdominal surgery that takes around six weeks to completely heal. It carries a long list of potential complications, including: infections, excessive bleeding, blood clots, and uterine ruptures.

Sherri Bayles, a New York City-based certified Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and registered nurse, says: "The important thing is to have a healthy baby—it doesn't matter how he gets here."

RELATED: Feminist blogger has tough advice for mothers with lazy husbands: 'Divorce his ass'

Three years ago, Missouri mom Raye Lee attempted to put an end to all of the shaming by posting raw photos of her body after her C-section on Facebook.

It all started when someone told her "Oh. A c-section? So you didn't actually give birth. It must have been nice to take the easy way out like that."

via Facebook

Lee was in labor for 38 excruciating hours before reaching the point whereevery contraction was "literally stopping his heart," she wrote in her post which has since been removed. At that point, her doctors decided it was time for surgery.

"Being told at the beginning that I was displaying great progress and wouldn't need a cesarean section… and then being told that I was being prepped for major abdominal surgery was not a shock at all," she wrote, sarcastically.

"Oh, and that surgery is super easy peasy to recover from."

Her photos show that the surgery was no minor procedure.

via Facebook

Lee describes her surgery as "a completely different experience than I had imagined my son's birth to be."

"When that first nurse asked you to try getting out of bed and the ripping pain of a body cut apart and stitched back together seared through you, you realized the irony of anybody who talks about it being the 'easy way out,'" she wrote.

RELATED: Police officer buys car seats for single mom instead of giving her ticket during traffic stop

She never expected how difficult it would be to recover from the damage done to her core by the surgery.

"You use your core muscles for literally everything... even sitting down," she wrote. "Imagine not being able to use them because they have literally been shredded and mangled by a doctor and not being able to repair them for 6+ weeks because your body has to do it naturally."

But, in the end, for Lee going through the painful surgery was worth the agony.

"I am the strongest woman, that I know," she ended her post. "Not only for myself, but for my beautiful son… and I would honestly go through this every single day just to make sure I am able to see his smiling face."