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The astonishing reason why women are excluded from making sushi, and how that's changing.

Did you hear the one about how women can't be sushi chefs because of their periods?

GIF via "Parks and Recreation."


Yep, you heard me. There is a bizarre yet widespread belief that menstruation makes women inferior at detecting the tastes and smells of raw fish needed in a sushi chef — one that even the most famous chefs believe in.

When Jiro Ono, son of famed sushi chef Jiro (of the documentary "Jiro Dreams of Sushi") was asked by the Wall Street Journal why there are no women featured in the documentary about his father, Ono said verbatim: "The reason is because women menstruate."

"To be a professional means to have a steady taste in your food, but because of the menstrual cycle, women have an imbalance in their taste, and that’s why women can’t be sushi chefs."

Other myths about women being bad sushi chefs persist, based on their supposed "higher core body temperature," and their cosmetics getting in the way of their sense of smell. Because every woman in the world wears makeup. Obviously.

Yoshikazu Ono (on the right) infamously said that he doesn't hire women to work at his father Jiro Ono's sushi restaurant because their menstrual cycles mean that they have "an imbalance in their taste." Photo by Toshifumi Kitamura/AFP/Getty Images.

As a result, it's rare to see a woman as a sushi chef.

This is according to the All Japan Sushi Association, an organization of 5,000 sushi restaurant owners in Japan.

The myth itself stems not only from misconceptions about menstruation and body temperature, but from centuries old tradition. The sushi craft borrows the virtues of "physical, mental, and spiritual precision and perfection" from samurai culture.

"Unfortunately, by-products of that preservation are some outdated beliefs about the ‘second sex.’" Oona Tempest, a female chef at New York's Tanoshi Sushi, told Zagat about how such cultural origins result in discrimination against potential female sushi chefs. "Master chefs willing to take on a female apprentice are just as, if not more so, scarce than females willing to learn.

Nadeshiko Sushi in Japan is breaking down barriers as the country's only sushi restaurant run entirely by women.

In 2010, Nadeshiko Sushi opened in order to give women jobs during the recession. At first, though, men still did all the prep work in the kitchen, and the female chefs were indistinguishable from their male counterparts, down to the white jacket uniforms they wore.

"No one came to the restaurant when we wore simple white coats because we looked the same as everyone else," said Yuki Chizui, Nadeshiko's manager, to the Japan Times. "We needed to create a feminine restaurant in order to establish a new style.”

What's this new style? Whereas male sushi chefs traditionally serve their customers in silence, the chefs at Nadeshiko bond with their customers, with one chef telling a patron that they work too hard.

Judging by the pictures, the chefs can wear any color chef coat they want as well.

Photo by Koji Sasahara/Associated Press.

Most importantly, at Nadeshiko Sushi, women are now in charge of every step of the process.

Any woman who wants to learn can apprentice at the restaurant as well.

"Women traditionally have stayed in the home, but if they want to become sushi chefs here they have to come six times a week in order to learn on the job," Chizui told Broadly.

Nadeshiko Sushi is a restaurant that solves those twin problems that Oona Tempest talks about — that of women not being interested in sushi-making and that of them not having access to mentors.

Hopefully, other sushi restaurants will soon follow suit.

partnerships

5 ways people are going “All In” this week

From the silliest to the most sentimental, there are so many ways people are going “all in” on the internet this week. Here are our five favorites.

True

There’s something magical about watching someone go "all in" on something. Whether it’s an elaborately themed birthday party or a home chef turning dinner into a culinary spectacle, going "all in" means total commitment—no holding back, no second guessing, just full-throttle enthusiasm. It’s not just about doing something well; it’s about diving in headfirst—often with a bit of flair and creativity (or a lot of it). To go "all in" means to be fully present in the moment and create something truly special as a result.

In this roundup, we’ve scoured the internet for the best examples of people going all in—those moments where passion, creativity, and total commitment take center stage. Some are silly, some are sentimental, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100% is the only way to truly leave a mark on this world. Buckle up—these folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.

1. These new Hamilton re-enactments 

@actressbecc

a trend i can get behind

♬ Best of Wives and Best of Women - Phillipa Soo & Lin-Manuel Miranda

If you’ve been on TikTok at all in the past week, chances are you’ve come across the content creator Ashby, who’s famous for going live dressed (and in character) as the Lorax. Recently, Ashby’s been going viral for a different reason: Her hilarious reenactments of the scene in Hamilton where Alexander Hamilton sneaks out the window to prepare for his duel with Aaron Burr. In these reenactments, Ashby takes what used to be a sentimental song (“Best of Wives and Best of Women”) and hilariously reimagines it as Alexander being completely annoyed with his wife’s insistence to come back to bed.

Not only is Asbhy’s commitment to her character impressive (and laugh-out-loud funny), it’s also helped spark tons of other reenactments of the same scene across TikTok. Open the app and you’ll see dozens of other women who are also completely committed to the part—the facial expressions, the costumes, the scenery, even casting their significant others as Eliza. We have Ashby to thank for it.

2. BOGO (Buy One, Get One) bars for everyone

Another thing we like to go “all in” on? Saving money. And right now our friends at All In are giving us a fantastic deal on some seriously tasty snacks. To get a free (!!!) box of their organic snack bars, sign up with your phone number on Aisle, grab two boxes of All In bars at Sprouts, snap a pic of your receipt, and text it through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box, and then all you have left to do is enjoy your new favorite treat. Easy peasy.

3. Conrad vs. Jeremiah 

@adelaidesdetours Replying to @user2411812280930 @hannah.1.2 and I came in hot to convince @Kennedy Bilse to join the Team Conrad train. @the summer i turned pretty ♬ original sound - adelaidesdetours

First, some background: Unless you’ve been living under a rock this summer, you probably know that the show everyone’s been watching is The Summer I Turned Pretty, a series based on the best-selling books written by Jenny Han. Essentially, it’s a story about a love triangle between Isabella “Belly” Conklin and her two lifelong best friends Jeremiah and Conrad Fisher. Now on its third season, we find Belly engaged to Jeremiah despite possibly (most definitely) harboring feelings for her ex (and Jeremiah’s brother!!!), Conrad. Jeremiah’s busy at work, so Conrad takes it upon himself to help Belly with planning her and Jeremiah’s wedding.

While the jury’s still out on who Belly will end up with, fans of the show have taken to social media to make elaborate arguments on which of the boys she should pick (and, sorry Jeremiah, but everyone is mostly #TeamConrad). In our favorite video, the creator adelaidesdetours creates a multi-part, in-depth slide deck that serves not only as a deep dive into Conrad Fisher’s character (he’s guarded! He’s grieving his mom!) but also as a treatise into why Conrad is the superior choice. If that weren’t extra enough, there’s also a third part to the powerpoint about why Jeremiah is wrong for Belly. Her argument is airtight, and her commitment to the bit is impressive (she even presents this slideshow to a Jeremiah supporter at work). All we can say is: nicely done. Team Conrad all the way.

4. These nursery rhyme-inspired raps 

@kaylonpatecia Part 2 #nurseryrhyme #babyshower ♬ original sound - KaylonPatecia

Let’s be honest: We don’t usually associate baby showers with loud music and party vibes. This one, though? Seems like the greatest baby shower of all time. These videos, posted to TikTok by content creator KaylonPatecia, show how friends and family transformed her baby shower into a vocal showdown worthy of the movie Pitch Perfect. Instead of singing a capella, though, these partygoers layered G-rated nursery rhymes like “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and “Humpty Dumpty” over tracks like Juvenile’s “Back That Azz Up” and “Get Low” by Lil John and the East Side Boyz. The creativity, the planning, and the talent that went into making these almost defies belief, and this is undoubtedly a memory the entire family will be able to treasure for years.

5. This scavenger hunt marriage proposal 

@taylorarenz In honor of my brothers wedding week❤️I dare you to not cry at the best proposal ever! A scavenger hunt all through the city of Houston to her favorite places and most meaningful spots with her friends surprising her at each spot! #wedding #proposal #couples#proposalstory #marriage #viral #bestvideo #weddingtiktok #proposalvideo #surprise #fy #fyp @Pubity @Proposals Video ♬ Beautiful Girls - Sean Kingston

Finally, we have one of the most unforgettable examples of going all in that we’ve ever seen—a marriage proposal. In a TikTok posted by content creator Taylor Arenz, she shows how her brother planned an elaborate scavenger hunt across Houston to propose to his girlfriend. At each stop—all locations that were meaningful to their relationship—she was greeted by a friend or family member who would present her with a pre-recorded video message guiding her to the next destination. The entire thing was filmed, photographed, and capped off with an in-person, heartfelt proposal infant of a huge “MARRY ME” sign in the pouring rain. Talk about show-stopping. Hats off to this guy, who just set the bar sky-high for everyone else planning a proposal. He definitely went all in—and since they’re married now, clearly so did she.

Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts.

Who doesn't love a good idiom? An idiom, for the uninitiated, is a common saying that means something different than the literal words might suggest. For example, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," has nothing to do with horses and refers to the fact that you should be grateful and not critical of something someone has given you for free.

Idioms are weird, funny, catchy, and have an incredible ability to convey a lot of meaning in a small number of words. They often have strange or unique origins and evolve over time as they become a key part of the cultural lexicon.

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny "Working like a dog," is a popular idiom, even though dogs are notoriously lazy. Giphy

Sadly, not all idioms are made to last. Some of the oldest ones get phased over time as their meanings are lost, and new ones get adopted by the masses. A lot of our most famous idioms come from old English times, but newer ones like "Drink the Kool-Aid," "Jumping the shark," or even "Thanks, Obama" originated in the last few decades. (Admittedly, the line between idiom and meme is getting extremely thin).

For new idioms to arise, some old ones have to go. A research study carried out by Perspectus Global recently identified idioms that may be in danger of falling out of the English language very soon. The group asked 2,000 people aged 18 to 50 whether they used any of a list of fifty expressions.

Here are some of the best idioms that most people no longer use. Humbly, I'm begging you all to reconsider.

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Please don't let these idioms die out, I'm begging you! Giphy

1. A few sandwiches short of a picnic

This one is used to refer to someone who's not very intelligent. A little like "The lights are on, but no one's home," or "Not the sharpest tool in the shed."

It's origin is relatively recent, but it just hasn't caught on; probably because it's a little mean. Fifty-three percent of respondents said they don't use the phrase and, honestly, that's a shame because I think this is a slightly nicer alternative to some of the other "stupid" idioms, and it's always fun to think about sandwiches.

2. Colder than a witch's tit

Part idiom, part simile, this one is definitely on its way out. Seventy-one percent said they don't use the phrase, which makes sense because it's a little sexist and vulgar. Not to mention, it originates from the days of the Salem Witch Trials, a time we don't remember fondly.

This one could still work in the right circumstances, though—say, on a frosty Halloween evening. "It's cold as balls," another common and vulgar idiom, is getting tired and stale. This one could be worth rotating in every now and then.

3. Know your onions

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Know your onions Photo by mayu ken on Unsplash

World Wide Words writes, "It was one of a set of such phrases, all with the sense of knowing one’s stuff, or being highly knowledgeable in a particular field, that circulated in the 1920s. Others were to know one’s oats, to know one’s oil, to know one’s apples, to know one’s eggs, and even to know one’s sweet potatoes."

Sixty-eight percent of people don't use this idiom, which means it's highly endangered. I, however, think it's catchy enough that it deserves to hang around a little longer.

4. A nod is as good as a wink

In full, this idiom was originally "A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse." It's a catchy turn of phrase that indicates that a subtle suggestion or hint has been understood and that there's no need to elaborate or over-explain.

It's an old one, originating from the 1700s, but it's still useful, in my opinion, and I know more than a few people who are prone to over-explaining when a simple "nod" would do.

5. A stitch in time saves nine

Another one from the 1700s, this idiom is used as advice to deal with problems straight on and right away.

Metro UK writes, "It’s believed to have had its origins in sewing, the idea being that if you mend a small tear with one stitch, it will prevent it from becoming a bigger tear which might need more stitches–nine, in fact–to repair."

Sixty-four precent of respondents don't use this idiom anymore, but maybe they should. It rhymes and the advice is solid; that much will never go out of style.

6. I've dropped a clanger

You use this one when you've made a big or embarrassing mistake. I'd never heard of it before, but when I read it I immediately started laughing out loud.

That's a good enough reason that more than just 40% of the population should be using it regularly.

7. A fly in the ointment

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny A fly in the ointment Photo by VD Photography on Unsplash

Referring to an unexpected annoyance that ruins a good thing, I remember this idiom from when I was a kid. Apparently, though, it's rapidly fading from the lexicon. Fifty-nine percent say they never use it, even though it comes to us all the way from the Bible.

It was probably the inspiration for Alanis Morissette's lyric, "A black fly in your chardonnay."

8. A flash in the pan

Another one I remember from my childhood, "a flash in the pan" is still barely hanging around. It's often used to describe the equivalent of a musical one-hit wonder, i.e. someone or something that's here one day and gone the next with little cultural impact.

I always thought it had to do with cooking, like a quick burst of flame when you add oil to a hot pan, but it actually refers to 17th century muskets and gunpowder exploding. Mental Floss writes, "Sometimes, the fire wouldn’t carry on to the powder in the barrel, and a “flash” in the gun’s pan had no effect. Therefore, a flash in the pan with no projectile was much ado about nothing."

9. Storm in a teacup

Over half of people surveyed either don't use this idiom or aren't familiar with it, which really is a shame. This turn of phrase is honestly adorable and visceral!

Sometimes called "tempest in a teapot," this one means "an exaggerated uproar over a minor or trivial matter" according to Grammarist. It comes all the way from the Roman philosopher Cicero who once used the phrase "storm in a ladle." I think we can agree that teacup is cuter.

10. Dead as a doornail

I used to hear people say this one all the time, but if you pressed me now, I'd be hard-pressed to remember the last time I heard it used. The survey backs that up, with 55% of people saying they never use the expression.

The idiom was famously used in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and according to Upworthy writer Annie Reneau, "Way back when, nails were made by hand and quite valuable. People would salvage and repurpose nails whenever they could. The way doornails were bent and driven into the backside of a door made it virtually impossible for them to be reused as a nail. ...So not only are doornails dead simply because they're nails, but because their future potential for any other use is also dead. They are doubly dead, if you will. Extra deceased."

Now that I know where it comes from, I find myself wanting to bring it back!

11. Not enough room to swing a cat

Talk about idioms you can see. This one is extremely visceral, and refers to a small space without much room to, well, you get the idea.

This is a great example of how idioms evolve over time. The "cat" in the phrase actually doesn't refer to swinging a live cat by its tail, but it's a reference to a "cat o' nine tails" whip. Dictionary.com writes, "This expression, first recorded in 1771, is thought to allude to the cat-o'-nine-tails, or 'cat,' a whip with nine lashes widely used to punish offenders in the British military."

12. Popped her clogs

We've needed a fresh death idiom for a while now. "Kicked the bucket" is so played out. "Popped her clogs," is only used by less than half of the population, making it ripe for a comeback.

Grammarist takes a shot at the origin of this strange phrase: "To work in a factory, one had to wear clogs to protect his or her feet. It was also common in those days to pawn things to help tide you over to the next payday. Another word for pawn was pop. Then there is a stretch made in the story. If you were going to die, you wouldn’t need your clogs anymore, so you would pop them. ...Though, if you were going to die, why would you need more money?"

13. Steal my thunder

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Steal my thunder Photo by Leon Contreras on Unsplash

I still use this all the time, but I must be in the minority, because the research shows that over half of all people never say it.

The origin of "steal my thunder" is fascinating and weird. The story goes that a playwright by the name of John Dennis invented a machine in 1709 to use in one of his shows—the machine could create a noise that sounded exactly like a clap of thunder. Well, his play sucked and was quickly replaced by a run of Macbeth. The new production wound up using his thunder machine without permission, prompting him to proclaim, “They will not let my play run, but they steal my thunder!“

14. Cool as a cucumber


idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Cool as a cucumber Photo by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash

Now I'm not a big cucumber fan, but in researching these idioms I did learn that cucumbers, due to their high water content, can stay six to seven degrees cooler than the outside temperature. That makes them an extremely refreshing choice on a hot day.

Overall, I still prefer "cooler than the other side of the pillow," but the cucumber idiom is less wordy and has some fun alliteration. It deserves to be in regular circulation, but unfortunately, the data shows it's dying out.

15. See a man about a dog

Ever heard someone say this before excusing themselves to go to the bathroom? Mensa explains it: "The phrase ‘to see a man about a dog’ is an old but fairly common expression that appeared in English in the late 19th century. It is a wry excuse or mild fib declared with a wink: 'I am going out and do not want to tell you where I am going.'"

The origin is a little complicated and goes back to the days of dog racing, prohibition, and more. Sometimes it's "see a man about a horse."

In any case, I think clever quips you can use before leaving the room are always good to have in your back pocket, so this is your reminder to hold onto this one.

Pet grief is real.

A TikTok video by Kate Schakols has been seen over 100 million times because it is a touching example of empathy and human kindness. It also shows that a dog who’s lived a life of hardship can find joy and peace when given a loving home.

Schakols and her family fell in love with Rooster, a dog that was estimated to be between 10 to 12 years old, at the Gulf Coast STARS rescue in 2020 and adopted him. Rooster was blind in one eye, had benign lumps and most of his elbow pads and teeth were worn down from digging in concrete for food. "The bond I had with Rooster was unreal," she told People. "I'd never felt that specific type of connection before, and it was obvious to everyone that he had chosen me to be his person."

Sadly, after 28 days, Rooster developed dog bloat and had to be humanely euthanized. Even though their time together was far too short, Schakols was happy to have comforted Rooster in his final days.

pet grief, losing a pet, pet memorial, humane euthanasia, rescue dog "I think I love my mom the most." www.tiktok.com


She told their brief but touching story in a slideshow video (below) from Rooster’s perspective. Rooster is seen rolling in the grass, playing with new siblings, enjoying a car ride, while heartbreakingly sweet messages about "mom" appear onscreen.

"I think I love my mom the most. I hope she knows. She’s love me more than anyone ever has," one reads.

Another says, “She doesn't seem to care that I can’t see very well, that I have missing fur and teeth, and I’m old and lumpy,…She says I’m beautiful every day.”

Then on Rooster's final day, we read “I think it’s time to go. I hope my mom will be okay. I can hear her crying and begging someone named God not to take me.”

“I think it’s time to go. I hope my mom will be okay." www.tiktok.com

By telling the story from Rooster’s point of view, Schakols shows the incredible empathy and understanding she shared with the dog. It also gives people who may not be considering adopting a senior dog, an idea of what it means for an older dog to live in comfort in their final days.

"There’s so many stories of dogs being adopted but passing soon after and I think they finally felt peace and comfort and safe to let themselves go," one person wrote in the comments. "It’s like he held on until he could feel love and joy. When he did he was finally at peace and able to cross the rainbow bridge," another added.

Losing a pet can evoke profound grief, often comparable to the loss of a family member, and it's important to acknowledge and process these emotions. and that's exactly what Schakols continues to advocate for on social media.

@ksam325

#goldenretriever #tripoddog #cancer #bestfriend #

“All I ever want from my page is to encourage people to understand that pet loss is valid and a very real type of disenfranchised grief."

A powerful way to process some of these tough emotions, as Schakols has demonstrated, is to memorialize your fur baby in some way. Be that through a video, making a donation in their name, creating a photo collage. It can be as extensive or minimal as you see fit.

pet grief, losing a pet, pet memorial, humane euthanasia, rescue dog That way a piece of them stays with you forever. Photo credit: Canva

It doesn't take away the pain, per se, but it does make it easier to move through.

This article originally appeared last year

This Manager thinks PTO is for vacation, not "life changing events."

What does it take to be a good boss? You can answer this a million different ways—by being a clear communicator, earning employee trust, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a positive and supportive work environment while also being open to feedback and recognizing your team's contributions—but really, it all seems to stem from respecting your employees as fellow human beings.

Part of that means acknowledging that these employees have lives that are, frankly, more important to them than the job, and not penalizing them for it. One manager, and Gen Zer no less, seems to fully understand this basic principle, and folks are applauding her for it.

Elizabeth Beggs, who manages a five-person team for a packaging distribution company in Virginia, recently made a TikTok sharing which time-off requests she “rejects. ”You’ll see why “rejects” is in quotes shortly.

One example: when a female rep notified Beggs that she was likely having a miscarriage. After the team member asked how she can file for time off to see to the issue, Beggs immediately responded, “Girl, go to the doctor! We’re not submitting time off for that!”

In Beggs’ mind, PTO is for “vacation,” not medical emergencies. What a concept.

@bunchesofbeggs

Edited to clarify- 1. My team is all salary. 2. These examples are not all recent or from my current position. 3. My team works hard and hits thier KPIs above and beyond. Time off is meant to recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events #mangers #corporate #genzmanagers #sales #vetstocorporate #veterans

Beggs went on to explain a couple more situations, like when one employee—a parent—was “up all night” with their sick kid. And her last one wasn’t even negative—she had an employee who wanted to work a half-day to do something nice for their anniversary.

“Seriously, if any of these triggered anyone, then you need to evaluate how you run your team as a manager,” she concluded.

By and large, the response to Beggs’ management style has been overwhelmingly positive, and people seem to find it completely refreshing.

“You are not a manager, you’re a LEADER,” one person wrote.

@bunchesofbeggs

Everything you do should be to better your team, not to make your life easier #leadership #ownership #corporatelife #veteran #military

Another said, “The better you treat your employees, the more loyal they will be and the better work they will put out. Most people do not understand how management works.”

A few noted how this attitude seems to be more present among younger leaders. One person commented, "millennial manager here. My team members are human first, employees second. Like just go do what you want but get the work done too.”

Another joked that “Boomer managers could NEVER.”

Beggs would later clarify this doesn’t mean she doesn't have clear productivity expectations for her team (who work on salary). Perhaps if she had a team member not making their KPIs (key performance indicators), there would be an additional conversation surrounding time off, but there is still an inherent respect as a fellow human being. Which, to her, means treating bona fide time off as a way to “recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events.”

@bunchesofbeggs

If you’re planning does not account for people being human- it’s bad planning #genzleaders #armyvet #militaryvet #genz #corporatelife #corporate #manager #timeoff

Younger generations might get labeled “lazy” or “entitled,” but they are also the ones fighting to change the status quo so that we all may be treated less like cogs in the machine, and more like actual human beings. Its leaders like Beggs who show that operating in new ways doesn't compromise productivity—it, in fact, enhances it. We might not be able to change the global standard overnight, but we certainly aren’t going to get to a better place without leaders who choose to serve their community rather than a bottom line.

This article originally appeared in March.

A dad has had it with his crying son.

There are as many different parenting styles as there are children. But in 2024, there is a conflict between newer, softer parenting styles and older, tough-love approaches. Softer parenting styles that have come into favor in recent years tend to encourage emotional intelligence, gentle discipline, and open communication.

On the other hand, older, tough-love parenting encourages risk-taking, natural consequences and discipline. One of the most controversial parenting styles that has emerged over the last generation or two is helicopter parenting. In this style, parents closely monitor and control most aspects of the child’s life. While it’s done out of an abundance of concern, it can also limit the child's independence.



A Redditor named NumanLover asked parents to share their parenting strategies that may be considered” bad” by today’s helicopter parents. They received over 1,300 responses. Many resisted the idea that parents should control their children's lives and shared strategies that encouraged independence and perseverance. The “bad” parenting ideas urged parents to let their children grow in confidence by spending time alone and unsupervised.

They also reminded parents that it’s OK to ignore a tantrum, even if it is in a packed restaurant.

Here are 13 of the best answers to: What is considered bad parenting but it's actually good parenting?

1. Giving your kids space

"Giving your kids enough space to fail and then try to figure it out on their own. I see a lot of parents solving their children’s problems without giving them a chance to find their own solution."

"Consequences are the best teachers for some lessons. Barring significant issues, if you don't do your schoolwork or hand it in late you get lower grades. If you show up late to work too many times you may get reamed out by your boss and fired. If you decide to say something careless and cruel you may lose a friendship and the respect of others. Support them through it so they can learn and improve, yes. Shelter them and try to get them out of it, no."

2. Let them be alone

"Leaving your kids alone for age-appropriate periods of time. At some point, kids have to learn to entertain themselves or to be responsible for their own meals, depending on how old they are. Which is why the key part of that statement was 'age-appropriate.' And I suppose it depends on how safe your neighbourhood is, too."

"A lot of parents are too helicopter-y today. I also went where I wanted as a kid as long as I came back when I was supposed to. I think it’s social media getting into parents head with anxieties about what could happen."



3. Give them chores

"Making your kids help with chores from an early age This is just teaching good habits and skills. When I grew up we had a rule in my house. The person who cooks don't have to do dishes. If you didn't set the table and didn't cook. You had to wash dishes. And ironically because of that I became a really good cook because I HATED doing dishes. So I learned how to cook everything."

4. Allow them to experience conflict

"Allowing kids to experience discomfort and situations of conflict and confrontation so they can develop the necessary skills to process and navigate said conflict, and with your guidance before and correction after - learn to compromise when necessary and resolve conflicts effectively."

"Similarly: a lot of parents think it's bad to argue in front of your children. When you argue in front of your kids, you're teaching them that sometimes people disagree on things. When you resolve the argument, you're demonstrating conflict resolution."



5. Encourage risky play

"Letting kids engage in age-appropriate risky play. Trying to protect them from everything is bad parenting. Let them climb, run, jump, dig, throw, etc. They’ll become more specially aware, aware of their body, physically literate, and more active."

6. Let them cry

"Letting them feel emotions helps them learn how to regulate them."

"Teaching them self-soothing skills, a little bit at a time, is also essential. but they do need to learn emotional regulation!"

7. Ignore the tantrum

"As long as they aren’t hurting themselves, someone else, or destroying things, the best thing is to let them tire themselves out. Parents cave in way too often, and it teaches the kid, 'Oh, Mom and Dad will give me this thing I want; I just need to do this long enough,' leading to more and more tantrums. Operant conditioning done inadvertently is difficult to undo."

"The trick is to do the opposite of rewarding the kid throwing the tantrum. Growing up, I behaved well because I quickly learned that if I was acting up in a restaurant, we would leave the restaurant immediately, and we did. It only took a few times of doing that to make it clear there was no upside to throwing a fit, only downsides. That tasty treat you wanted, the chicken nuggets and chocolate milkshake? Nope. You threw a fit; everyone's going home. No nuggs and milkshake for you."



8. Logical consequences

"Refuse to put on your coat to go to the playground? Then either we don’t go to the playground or we go and you get to be cold enough to be miserable while your warm siblings are running around playing."

"Dr. Becky just had a really good episode on her podcast about this. We need to let kids experience the arc of their decisions when it’s safe to do so."

9. Side with the teacher

"Your child is being a little sh*t. Yes, they are 6 years old, and yes, 6 year olds are talkative. But there are 30 other 6-year-olds in the classroom, and if the teacher needs to come to and tell you your child is talkative and being disruptive, do something about it."

10. Prioritize yourself

"For parents, it's actually good to NOT make your kids the highest priority ALL THE TIME - to consciously plan and take the effort and time to prioritize your partner and yourself regularly. A happy, healthy relationship between parents is worth so much more than the occasional bouts of inconvenience/missing the parents/whatever opportunity cost these times have to kids."

"If you're feeling overwhelmed as a parent, it's GOOD to leave the kids to their own devices for an appropriate length of time, maybe even in front of the TV or whatever distracts them, while you take time out to recharge."



11. You aren't your child's friend

"So many people think you need to be friends with your kid, but you're not a friend, you're a parent. Even if your kid hates you, even if you get screamed at, you NEED to teach them the right lessons in life. Cos, guess what, kids won't always love what you say. And what they love is sometimes not what they should love. Being a parent isn't a matter of your child loving you, it's a matter of making sure they're ready for life and praying to any and all gods and demons that may or may not exist that they turn out a decent human being."

12. Keep them offline

"Not letting a small child have an iPad / phone / any access to the internet. This is somehow seen as something really strict / no fun parenting. The parents who don't allow internet are actually great, the internet isn't a nice place for a child to explore."

"I always want to ask 'why' or 'what do you think that’s doing for them?' I’m pretty sure most of these parents just didn’t want children and they just want to offload that time to the tablet and call it a day. There are definitely times when I feel that way too, but it’s just no way to raise a child every day."

13. Spanking your child is wrong

"A bunch of people justifying physically abusing children under the guise of 'discipline'"

"It’s funny because they are objectively wrong. The only thing it does is show you child (by example) that violence is the way to deal with problems."


This article originally appeared in September
Wellness

How to stop waking up each night at 3 or 4 in the morning

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

A woman with her eye mask on in bed.

Do you often wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. with an intense feeling of anxiety? Do you get stressed that you’re awake and begin making a mental laundry list of everything you need to do the next day? Do you start thinking about fights you once had with your spouse or ponder how you have let yourself down in the past?

If so, you’re not alone. It’s common for people to wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. regularly and there’s a reason why we choose this time to catastrophize and worry. The good news is that there are some steps we can take to get through that awkward phase of the night so we can wake up refreshed.

Why do I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. every night?

Many of us reliably wake up in the middle of the night because after we’ve had a good chunk of sleep, our bodies start to slowly prepare us for the day by reducing melatonin, the hormone that puts us to sleep and increasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

That biological phase of sleep is why we start to feel stressed.



insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, how to sleep better, melatonin, stress A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva


After the big hormone release at 3 or 4 in the morning, if you are dealing with stress in your life, you are more likely to wake up. If your life is calmer and you don’t already have a stress baseline, you will probably wake up, fall asleep quickly and forget that it happened.

Why do I wake up feeling stressed in the middle of the night?

If you’re already experiencing stress in your life, that extra cortisol kick is going to cause you to wake up with a feeling of anxiety. The problem is that when we’re lying in bed in the middle of the night, we are in a vulnerable position. “Around this time in the sleep cycle, we’re at our lowest ebb physically and cognitively. From nature’s viewpoint, this is meant to be a time of physical and emotional recovery, so it’s understandable that our internal resources are low,” Greg Murray, a psychology researcher with expertise in mood, sleep, and the circadian system, writes in The Conversation.

“But we also lack other resources in the middle of the night – social connections, cultural assets, all the coping skills of an adult are unavailable at this time,” Murray continues. “With none of our human skills and capital, we are left alone in the dark with our thoughts. So the mind is partly right when it concludes the problems it’s generated are unsolvable – at 3 a.m., most problems literally would be.”


insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, melatonin, stress, anxiety A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva

At this moment, when we’re stressed and feeling vulnerable, stuck in bed with no way out, we can begin to spiral. This is when we ruminate on why we forgot to feed the dog that one day in 1994 or contemplate why things went bad with your first significant other at 21. It’s when we start recalling a disagreement with a friend and plotting out what we’ll say the next time the issue arises.

At this point, if we don’t stop spiraling, we’ll be up until 5 a.m. and will feel like garbage when it’s time to go to work.

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

Make a list

Dr. Jade Wu says that if you wake up and feel stressed about things you need to take care of, walk out of your room (so you don’t associate it with stressors) and make a list to read in the morning. This will free you of your worries, because you know you can care for them when you are awake.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Pay attention to your breath

Murray says you should redirect your attention from your thoughts to your breath, which is a form of meditation. “I bring my attention to my senses, specifically the sound of my breath. When I notice thoughts arising, I gently bring my attention back to the sound of breathing,” Murray writes in The Conversation. This works in 2 ways: first, it takes your attention away from your spiraling thoughts and second, the breathing exercise helps you relax.


Have a bite to eat

Sometimes, we wake up in the middle of the night because we’re hungry and our blood sugar is dropping. “The first question I ask [my patients] is, ‘When was the last time you ate?’” Michael Breus, Ph.D. psychologist specializing in sleep disorders, told Sleep.com. “Often, they’ve finished their last meal at 7 p.m.; now it’s 3 in the morning — that’s eight hours later — so guess what? They’re out of fuel.” If you’ve woken up because of a drop in blood sugar, experts recommend eating a small snack that includes protein and fat, like peanut butter.

This article originally appeared last year.