A thank-you letter to my stay-at-home-dad husband, told through comics.
This four-panel comic shows just how incredible stay-at-home parents are.
To my husband on Father's Day:
Our lives have changed so much now that we are parents.
I look at you with softness as you nap on the couch while our daughter naps, too. I know it has been hard on you to go from the one providing for the family financially to being the one who stays home with our daughter. I know so much of your strength has been reinforced by your ability to build homes in exchange for our future.
I see how your gentle eyes have taken on a few more wrinkles and how your beard now hosts more white hairs than before. But please, don’t stay there, longing for a time past.
Look at your strong hands and see how you are still building, this time something even more beautiful: the foundation for our daughter’s future.
Look at your hands — those same hands that have been hardened by swinging a hammer — and see how they have softened as you care for our daughter.
As I exhaustingly navigate the new waters of being the sole breadwinner, I can see you through my half-opened office door and I see hope.
I see you stare at her with gazes of love as you try to take this life and shape it into something that can work for all of us. I see you try and try again with the love for this little being as your driving force. It is stunning to watch.
I know it is overwhelming to feel like you are blazing a new path all by yourself.
But I see how you combine your love and your brilliance to make it something new — and not just any something, but something beautiful and unique that will shape her world and ours forever more.
All images by the author, used with permission.
No, it’s not easy.
I, too, feel overpowered sometimes by being thrown into a role that was different from our original plan.
I want so badly to be the stay-at-home-mommy and to enjoy those first-year experiences you are feeling while you, not me, are her primary caregiver. Yet, instead, I can only calm that feeling by leaving you pumped breast milk as I work away, hoping to make ends meet as we each do the very best we can. I will continue to honor that.
Despite what I say and how I say it, please know that beneath my sleep-deprived commentary and worry-laden suggestions, you’re doing such an incredible job.
We are so lucky.
I promise that I will continue to witness, with appreciation, how you are taking these challenging things and making them yours.
Mistakes and all, I’ll watch and appreciate as you give 300% to our daughter and our family, walking forward scared but determined with only the tools that you now know.
From my office, I will continue to send support and love as I watch how you are trying in every way, shape, and form possible to build a beautiful future for her and for us.
For all of this, thank you.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.