upworthy

birth

Family

NICU nurse adopts teen mom after she delivered triplets alone

It was an understanding that only teen moms could share.

via Today|YouTube

NICU nurse shares why she opened her home to teen with triplets.

Having your first baby is a scary experience. Everything is new—you've quite literally never done this before—not to mention an entire human is going to be removed from your body one way or another. Childbirth, no matter how your baby leaves your body, is not for the weak. But imagine giving birth alone to not just one baby, but three, all at the same time. Then imagine doing that feat at the age of 14.

Shariya Small experienced that scenario in a hospital in Indiana, and her nurse Katrina Mullen took note. Small's babies were premature, born at just 26 weeks, when the average gestation for triplets is 33 weeks, according to ReproductiveFacts.org. Due to their early birth, the babies, Serenitee, Samari, and Sarayah, had to stay in the NICU at Community Hospital North in Indianapolis for more than five months, according to Today.com.

During their time in the NICU, Mullen noticed the young mom visited her babies alone, not appearing to have much of a support system. “She’d be there alone for days at a time sitting at her babies’ bedside,” Mullen told Today.com.

The pair got to know each other over the months that the babies were in the hospital, but Small continued to be reluctant to open up about her family life. That changed after she found out that Mullen had her first child at 16 and had given it up for adoption. Their experiences bonded the two moms, and Mullen began helping to care for the babies and Small by giving her advice and showing her how to care for the infants properly.

Eventually, Mullen gave Small her phone number before the babies were discharged from the hospital. It quickly became apparent that Small did not have a support system, as she called Mullen often asking for advice. Out of concern, the nurse went to visit Small an hour away, where she was living with a family member.

The condition of the home was concerning enough, but Mullen became even more worried when she saw how thin Small's son Samari was. It turns out he had to be admitted to the hospital, which prompted a visit from Child Protective Services, who determined that Small and her three infants would need to enter foster care. She gave the social worker Mullen's information and things began to fall into place.

Listen to Small and Mullen explain their unique story below:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


The triplets in April 2023.


shariya small, triplets, adopted children, kids eating burgers, today show, gofundme Shariya and the triplets.via Katrina Mullen/GoFundMe


Shariya and the triplets in 2024.


shariya small, triplets, adopted children, today show, gofundme Shariya and the triplets.via Katrina Mullen/GoFundMe

Since this story was published in 2023, things have gone well for the family of nine. After the story gained national media attention, a GoFundMe was started to help the family and raised over $140,000. Shariya is now 18 and completed her first year of college, Katrina was able to buy a house, and her boys' high school football team won the state championship. "We are so blessed," Katrina wrote on the GoFundMe page. "Thank you all for your kind words supporting our family. Every day is an adventure."

This article originally appeared two years ago and has been updated.

From Your Site Articles
teen mom
Health

Mom's reaction immediately after an unmedicated birth vs. 4 days later tells a whole story

So many moms have had this flip-flop experience.

Photo credit: Canva

For many women, childbirth is the hardest and most empowering thing they'll ever do.

Childbirth is a life-altering experience no matter how you do it, and, thankfully, these days we have choices in how we give birth. Epidurals have given women the option to remove much of the pain of childbirth and modern medicine has made c-sections safer than they used to be. However, there are still many women who choose, for various reasons, to labor and give birth without any medications at all. Some even choose to do it more than once.

One mom perfectly captured the experience many women have had after giving birth unmedicated in a video captioned, "So hard but so worth it after." The first few seconds show the mom immediately after her the birth as the nurse is cleaning up the baby. "Ah, gosh dang," the mom says. "That was terrible." Shortly thereafter, a woman's voice off camera asks, "Should I do it or no?" and the mom laughs through a shaky smile and bluntly says, "No."

woman just after giving birth unmedicated13M views · 85K reactions | so hard but so worth it after😂🤣🥹 #unmedicatedbirth #unmedicatedlabor #midwife #birthstory #noepidural #epidural #birth | My Infertility FightMy Infertility Fight/Facebook.

But it's a whole different story a few days later, when she's seen all smiles holding her newborn. "Me 4 days later already planning on doing it again with my next baby," the text overlay reads.

How did she go from "Terrible, nope" to "Let's do that again!" in a matter of days? Having had three unmedicated births myself, that flip-flop is all too familiar. It's common to reach a place of "OMG WHY DID I DO THIS I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN" sometime in the labor and birthing process as your body is pushed and stretched to its limit. There are moments you're convinced it's impossible and you're pretty sure you can't take another minute of it. How long it takes to get past that point and experience the rush that counteracts the pain varies person to person, but for many women (certainly not all), the overall experience is empowering and exhilarating enough that they end up wanting to do it all over again.

Contrary to popular belief, research indicates that women don't really forget the pain of labor. Like anything else, experiences vary from person to person, but speaking for myself, I still haven't forgotten the pain of childbirth two decades later. The pain part was as gnarly as people describe it, but I prepared for it and did what I could to manage it mentally and physically. Ultimately, I came away from my first birth feeling like a literal superhero with no limit to what I could do. It's hard to describe the power of that feeling, but it's what made me do it two more times.

The mom's video got people asking why on Earth someone would choose to put themselves through the pain of childbirth if they don't have to. "You don't get extra points for that," and "What are women trying to prove?" are common sentiments when someone talks about giving birth without meds, but moms make that choice for a variety of reasons and it's rarely to prove anything to anyone. Sometimes it's because medications come with some risk and they want to avoid those risks, even if they're small. Sometimes it's because women are curious about what the natural process of labor and birth feels like and they want to fully experience it. For some, it's similar to why people run marathons—to see what they and their bodies are capable of. Some have bad experiences with meds or simply don't enjoy the idea of feeling numb or not having control over their body.

Here are some moms' explanations for why they chose unmedicated childbirth:

"I was 100% natural both times because I wanted to fully experience it. The thought of an epidural petrified me more than child birth as well. Like 500x more scared. Wasn't out to prove anything to anyone. WAY before social media was a place to share these things. I just wanted full control."

"Honestly, I did mine naturally purely because as a woman I have always been curious about the feeling of labor and delivery. It’s just something I had to experience and honestly I really enjoyed my experience. I wouldn’t say I suffered either. The pain was manageable."

"I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I was also very worried about the first few days of my baby’s life being with me having a spinal headache which I got from a spinal tap. I did unmedi[c]ated for a 35 hour birth with 12 hours on pitocin for my daughter. My son I labored 30 hours unmedicated then tired an epidural for a few hours since I was heading to a C-section. I hated the epidural—I felt so out of control with it. I so much preferred unmedicated."

""Sometimes it just goes too fast! With my first there was no time, and I hadn't planned on getting anything. I have high pain tolerance, so wasn't worried. The gal in the hospital room next to me had had an epidural. I was the 4th mom to room with her in a week. She was going on her second week flat on her back with a bad headache and other side effects. She was not allowed out of bed, and could not hold her baby without assistance. I decided if I had more children all births would be natural. A woman should be free to choose without people judging her one way or the other."

And that's really the crux of it—there's no need to judge someone's experience, no matter how they give birth. Every birth is different, every person has different preferences, and people shouldn't knock another's choice simply because it's not the one they would make. Instead, let's celebrate the fact that we do have choices that our ancestors didn't have and give one another the grace to share our birth experiences in all their glory without making assumptions or judgments about them.

From Your Site Articles
childbirth
Motherhood

Moms explain the rarely discussed dissociative post birth phenomenon called 'the labor pause'

"When you just had a baby but you're too busy dissociating to enjoy the moment."

Photo credit: Canva

The dissociation that can happen post-birth may have a name

Bringing a baby into the world is an experience you just don't understand until you've done it yourself. There are no current words available that could accurately describe the emotional, physical and mental state of growing and birthing a child. Many people have tried to explain to new expectant moms what the process is like but words often fall short.

This failure of accurate descriptive words isn't the only reason explaining the child birthing process feels impossible. Every person's experience with birth is completely different than the next persons. There are similarities, of course, and those are the things we hang onto as "normal" but everything isn't always discussed. "The labor pause" is a common phenomenon that is rarely talked about and difficult to explain.

When a new mom posted a video of her directly after giving birth appearing dazed, writing in text overlay, "when you just had a baby but you're too busy dissociating to enjoy the moment," a prenatal educator steps in to explain. The educator runs MamaShakti Prenatal and she shares that the phenomenon the mother is experiencing is called "the labor pause."


"Immediately following the birth some women have described feeling shocked and a little disconnected from reality, whilst others have described feeling wide awake, alert and euphoric," the Practice Issue says.

While there doesn't appear to be an official name for the moments of dissociation some mothers feel right after birth, the prenatal educator calls the post-birth condition, the labor pause. Parents flock to the comments to attempt to explain what this labor pause feels like and why it happens. Some of the answers are amusing and some make this moment after birth make so much sense.

"Your brain is resetting, it's deleting how bad delivery hurt so you will do it again," someone jokes. Another mom emphatically agrees with this hypothesis, writing, "I remember the whole time thinking… there’s no way I’m doing this again, this is literal torture and then somehow a few months post partum I remember it hurting but can’t exactly “remember” if that makes sense… oh.. and want to do it again."

episode 17 friends GIFGiphy

One mom explains, "Its crazy because you go from the most excruciating and terrifying experience (mostly for your first) to basically feeling fine, 10 pounds lighter, and then suddenly theres another human in the room. To feel that much pain for so long and then BAM everything is fine. It is super weird."

"In this mind state while she is mentally adjusting and trying to make sense of the ordeal and yes, trauma, if anyone were to try to take that baby right then, she would probably freak out and become a literal mama bear. She would mentally regress to "protect at any cost" because in this moment, she's just going by instinct, like an animal. Not saying this in any derogatory way, just stating a fact, she's not mentally aware of anything, her brain is reconciling and so it's, in this moment, reverting to a humans base instincts. Id, ego and i can't remember the last one," another woman analyzes the new mom in the video.

New Baby Nbc GIF by This Is UsGiphy

A doctor in the comments explains, "It’s common. Form of shock. Best thing to do is ask the patient to recognize objects in the room, such as do you see that cup next to the sink or notice the color of the wall, or see the socket. Do not ask what she wants or draw attention to the child. Motherhood will kick her right in the a** and they will be inseparable."

"I repeatedly screamed "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!!" For what felt like a minimum of 30 seconds immediately after my child was born. My THIRD child. It wasn't even my first rodeo, I knew full well how that happened. Crazy hormonal/ psychological experience to push a baby out," another laughs.

excited season 2 GIF by ShamelessGiphy

"I had no idea this was a common thing. Right after I pushed my son out I couldn’t look yet, I needed to breathe and then I felt bad for not crying and being overly emotional. I thought I didn’t have a connection or something. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. This boy never ever leaves my side and he is part of my soul," one mom shares.

The labor pause doesn't happen to everyone but it's a very common experience, even if the birth is via cesarean section. There seems to be something about the quick transition from one body to two separate humans that does something to your brain. Maybe your brain is deleting the painful experience or maybe it's digesting everything that took place. Either way, feeling like you're not really there for a few minutes after giving birth is completely normal and has no impact how much you love your new little one.

From Your Site Articles
child birth
Fatherhood

Incredible 6-week program turns expectant dads from bystanders into doula-level helpers

“I want men to understand: This isn’t just a woman thing."

Dads to Doulas

In 2017, Brad Edwards and his partner were expecting twins. By all accounts, it was a "normal" pregnancy, and Edwards assumed it would be smooth sailing when they got to the hospital. Tragically, and unexpectedly, both of his sons were delivered stillborn within a week of each other.

The statistics around black pregnancy in America are harrowing. Black women are three times more likely to die from pregnancy complications than white women, while the infant mortality rate is more than twice as high. The reasons are vast, and include systemic racism and inequalities in the healthcare system. A lot of things can go wrong.

One thing that can make a difference is parent education. So when the couple got pregnant again a few years later, Edwards vowed to never feel "helpless" in the delivery room ever again.

“Through my experience losing my twins, I realized that there was a lot I didn't know, and there was a lot that I didn't take the time to educate myself on,” Edwards told St. Louis Magazine.

“So by the time another opportunity came, when I was preparing to have my baby girl, I had become familiar with what a doula is. One of my good friends is a doula. I said, ‘Alright, I need you to help me create a playbook. What do I need to look for? What should her levels be? What should I be looking for with the placenta?’ So it was just a few different things I wanted to be educated on to make sure that I could be not only knowledgeable but also an advocate for her, because I know that Black women die at much higher rates than any other race.”

Edwards' daughter Carielle was born in 2020, but not without a scare. Edwards' partner dealt with severe preeclampsia — a high blood pressure condition that can be fatal — and having a doula on hand to walk him through what to do proved to be a lifesaver.

That's when he decided that dads needed way more training before getting anywhere near the delivery room. Edwards worked with trained professionals to create a 6-week course called "Dads to Doulas."

A man practices doula techniques on a baby dollDads to Doulas

Doulas are helpers that assist mothers through the process, and immediately after, of childbirth. Unlike midwives, they don't perform any medical procedures, but they're knowledgable in comfort measures, advocacy, knowing what can go wrong, being prepared, and more. Having a doula on hand during birth can decrease the risk of complications or certain health problems in the baby, especially for high risk pregnancies.

In other words, doulas can save lives. But less than 6% of doulas are men, and there wasn't much of an existing framework to teach untrained men everything they need to know in such a short amount of time.

But now there is. The course, offered digitally and in-person in St. Louis, is free to the public and takes dads from zero to doula-level knowledge of childbirth so they can be an advocate for mom and baby the entire way through.

The first classes cover the basics, communication activities, and discuss home births and hospital births.

The more advanced classes work on partner advocacy, birth plans, physical comfort measures, and emergency safety.

They also cover postpartum depression in great detail, for moms and dads alike.

This education is an absolute game-changer for men who, let's face it, may not start off knowing very basic biological facts about how women's bodies work. Hiring a doula can be extremely expensive, so getting dad up to speed can be an important and even lifesaving investment.

“I want men to understand: This isn’t just a woman thing,” Edwards says. “This is about the family unit as a whole.”

Dads to Doulas isn't the only course of its kind.

A man with his daughters sits at a table listening to doula trainingDads to Doulas

More and more training programs like it are popping up all over the country. Dad Doula Bootcamp in Kansas City is another big one picking up steam.

We've come a long way when it comes to expecting dads. In the 50s and 60s, dads were actually invited to have a seat in the waiting room or even go to a nearby bar and wait for the baby to be born!

Now, more and more men want to get educated and get involved. Organizations like Dads to Doulas make that possible. And it's leading to better outcomes for babies and mothers.

From Your Site Articles
dads
Trending Stories