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Woman gives tour of "postpartum hotel" in China where new moms get pampered for 30 days

It's not exactly cheap, but it goes to show what's possible with better maternity leave.

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Maternity leave or maternity miracle?

Much has been written about maternity leave in the United States and how it compares to other parts of the world. Unsurprisingly, it usually doesn't compare well. An analysis done by Yahoo! Finance does not have the US cracking the top 25 countries with the best maternity leave policies. The only thing new moms are guaranteed nationwide here is 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Awesome.

We know that many countries have it a lot better than us, but it's sometimes hard to visualize what that looks like. More paid time off sounds great, but how does that really impact those crucial first days after baby is born?

A recent video showcasing what maternity leave looks like for some women in China is blowing people's minds.

gif of a woman getting a facialCould maternity leave be a spa experience? For some women in China, the answer is yes.Giphy

Aileen Wang took viewers along with her as she went to visit a coworker who had just had a baby. The woman was staying at a postpartum center, described as part hospital, part luxury hotel.

"In China we have six months of paid maternity leave and have a tradition called ... kind of like a cozy VIP jail for new moms," she writes in the video caption.

Wang is referring to a a tradition called "zuo yue zi," or "sitting the month." Traditionally, new moms in China are under strict watch by family members not to leave the house or over-exert themselves, to stay warm and eat certain foods in order to recover while family members pitch in with care and help with the baby.

"For the first month after birth, moms can't go out, they are forced to stay at home or in postpartum centers. No cold food and drink, staying warm, and eating nutritious food."

Wang adds that at her friend's cushy recovery center, she gets round-the-clock care for the baby and herself, meals delivered to the room, yoga sessions, massages, and more. For 30-40 days mom has to worry about very little except recuperating her physical, mental, and emotional strength. In the video you even see a staff member at the center bringing in an extraordinary-looking meal on a tray for the new mom!

"In China, there's a say. It basically means: Don't mess with a woman during her first month after giving birth—she won't forget it for whole life!"

Watch the fascinating tour here:


@aileenw1113

In China, we get six months of paid maternity leave and have a tradition called "sitting the month"—kind of like a cozy VIP jail for new moms. #china #maternityleave#givebirth #baby #postpartum

The facility looks and sounds incredible. So does the idea of giving new moms several weeks of pampering to get back on their feet after the trauma of delivery.

Of course, this luxury doesn't come free, or even cheap in China. A month-long stay can cost families somewhere around the equivalent of $10,000 or more. But over the last decade, the number of centers like this one has grown from 550 to well over 4000, showing that the idea is gaining popularity and accessibility.

"The million-plus people who watched Wang's video on TikTok were stunned:6 MONTHS PAID AND 24/7 CARE?!? Please someone tell me why we're brainwashed into thinking the USA is the greatest country ever? Women's health is trash here!"

"America: oh you’ll be fine in 6 weeks."

"This must help a lot with post partum depression. All women need this kind of support"

"And they sent me home alone in a blizzard 4 days after a c section. It was literally 37 degrees below zero."

Even if moms can't afford to stay in a fancy postpartum center like the one shown above, many still observe "sitting the month" at home. With six months of paid leave, new mothers have plenty of time to recover and bond with their baby while other members of the family pitch in with all the heavy lifting. It's an attractive idea that really calls into question what could be possible in the US with better support for moms.


gif of woman wearing two breast pumps saying, "Welcome to motherhood."Imagine how much better of women would be if motherhood started off like this. Giphy

Six weeks of unpaid time off doesn't give families a lot of money or flexibility to work with during maternity leave. Some companies will offer a small amount of paid leave on their own, and some states have mandatory paid leave, but it's not required everywhere. Postpartum centers are becoming more popular in the United States, too, but the concept doesn't align well with the realities of being a working parent. Not yet, anyways. It's fun to envision a future where new families have more time and money to make sure mom's OK before sending her back into the rigors of daily life.

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Motherhood

Moms explain the rarely discussed dissociative post birth phenomenon called 'the labor pause'

"When you just had a baby but you're too busy dissociating to enjoy the moment."

Photo credit: Canva

The dissociation that can happen post-birth may have a name

Bringing a baby into the world is an experience you just don't understand until you've done it yourself. There are no current words available that could accurately describe the emotional, physical and mental state of growing and birthing a child. Many people have tried to explain to new expectant moms what the process is like but words often fall short.

This failure of accurate descriptive words isn't the only reason explaining the child birthing process feels impossible. Every person's experience with birth is completely different than the next persons. There are similarities, of course, and those are the things we hang onto as "normal" but everything isn't always discussed. "The labor pause" is a common phenomenon that is rarely talked about and difficult to explain.

When a new mom posted a video of her directly after giving birth appearing dazed, writing in text overlay, "when you just had a baby but you're too busy dissociating to enjoy the moment," a prenatal educator steps in to explain. The educator runs MamaShakti Prenatal and she shares that the phenomenon the mother is experiencing is called "the labor pause."


"Immediately following the birth some women have described feeling shocked and a little disconnected from reality, whilst others have described feeling wide awake, alert and euphoric," the Practice Issue says.

While there doesn't appear to be an official name for the moments of dissociation some mothers feel right after birth, the prenatal educator calls the post-birth condition, the labor pause. Parents flock to the comments to attempt to explain what this labor pause feels like and why it happens. Some of the answers are amusing and some make this moment after birth make so much sense.

"Your brain is resetting, it's deleting how bad delivery hurt so you will do it again," someone jokes. Another mom emphatically agrees with this hypothesis, writing, "I remember the whole time thinking… there’s no way I’m doing this again, this is literal torture and then somehow a few months post partum I remember it hurting but can’t exactly “remember” if that makes sense… oh.. and want to do it again."

episode 17 friends GIFGiphy

One mom explains, "Its crazy because you go from the most excruciating and terrifying experience (mostly for your first) to basically feeling fine, 10 pounds lighter, and then suddenly theres another human in the room. To feel that much pain for so long and then BAM everything is fine. It is super weird."

"In this mind state while she is mentally adjusting and trying to make sense of the ordeal and yes, trauma, if anyone were to try to take that baby right then, she would probably freak out and become a literal mama bear. She would mentally regress to "protect at any cost" because in this moment, she's just going by instinct, like an animal. Not saying this in any derogatory way, just stating a fact, she's not mentally aware of anything, her brain is reconciling and so it's, in this moment, reverting to a humans base instincts. Id, ego and i can't remember the last one," another woman analyzes the new mom in the video.

New Baby Nbc GIF by This Is UsGiphy

A doctor in the comments explains, "It’s common. Form of shock. Best thing to do is ask the patient to recognize objects in the room, such as do you see that cup next to the sink or notice the color of the wall, or see the socket. Do not ask what she wants or draw attention to the child. Motherhood will kick her right in the a** and they will be inseparable."

"I repeatedly screamed "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!!" For what felt like a minimum of 30 seconds immediately after my child was born. My THIRD child. It wasn't even my first rodeo, I knew full well how that happened. Crazy hormonal/ psychological experience to push a baby out," another laughs.

excited season 2 GIF by ShamelessGiphy

"I had no idea this was a common thing. Right after I pushed my son out I couldn’t look yet, I needed to breathe and then I felt bad for not crying and being overly emotional. I thought I didn’t have a connection or something. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. This boy never ever leaves my side and he is part of my soul," one mom shares.

The labor pause doesn't happen to everyone but it's a very common experience, even if the birth is via cesarean section. There seems to be something about the quick transition from one body to two separate humans that does something to your brain. Maybe your brain is deleting the painful experience or maybe it's digesting everything that took place. Either way, feeling like you're not really there for a few minutes after giving birth is completely normal and has no impact how much you love your new little one.

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Fatherhood

Incredible 6-week program turns expectant dads from bystanders into doula-level helpers

“I want men to understand: This isn’t just a woman thing."

Dads to Doulas

In 2017, Brad Edwards and his partner were expecting twins. By all accounts, it was a "normal" pregnancy, and Edwards assumed it would be smooth sailing when they got to the hospital. Tragically, and unexpectedly, both of his sons were delivered stillborn within a week of each other.

The statistics around black pregnancy in America are harrowing. Black women are three times more likely to die from pregnancy complications than white women, while the infant mortality rate is more than twice as high. The reasons are vast, and include systemic racism and inequalities in the healthcare system. A lot of things can go wrong.

One thing that can make a difference is parent education. So when the couple got pregnant again a few years later, Edwards vowed to never feel "helpless" in the delivery room ever again.

“Through my experience losing my twins, I realized that there was a lot I didn't know, and there was a lot that I didn't take the time to educate myself on,” Edwards told St. Louis Magazine.

“So by the time another opportunity came, when I was preparing to have my baby girl, I had become familiar with what a doula is. One of my good friends is a doula. I said, ‘Alright, I need you to help me create a playbook. What do I need to look for? What should her levels be? What should I be looking for with the placenta?’ So it was just a few different things I wanted to be educated on to make sure that I could be not only knowledgeable but also an advocate for her, because I know that Black women die at much higher rates than any other race.”

Edwards' daughter Carielle was born in 2020, but not without a scare. Edwards' partner dealt with severe preeclampsia — a high blood pressure condition that can be fatal — and having a doula on hand to walk him through what to do proved to be a lifesaver.

That's when he decided that dads needed way more training before getting anywhere near the delivery room. Edwards worked with trained professionals to create a 6-week course called "Dads to Doulas."

A man practices doula techniques on a baby dollDads to Doulas

Doulas are helpers that assist mothers through the process, and immediately after, of childbirth. Unlike midwives, they don't perform any medical procedures, but they're knowledgable in comfort measures, advocacy, knowing what can go wrong, being prepared, and more. Having a doula on hand during birth can decrease the risk of complications or certain health problems in the baby, especially for high risk pregnancies.

In other words, doulas can save lives. But less than 6% of doulas are men, and there wasn't much of an existing framework to teach untrained men everything they need to know in such a short amount of time.

But now there is. The course, offered digitally and in-person in St. Louis, is free to the public and takes dads from zero to doula-level knowledge of childbirth so they can be an advocate for mom and baby the entire way through.

The first classes cover the basics, communication activities, and discuss home births and hospital births.

The more advanced classes work on partner advocacy, birth plans, physical comfort measures, and emergency safety.

They also cover postpartum depression in great detail, for moms and dads alike.

This education is an absolute game-changer for men who, let's face it, may not start off knowing very basic biological facts about how women's bodies work. Hiring a doula can be extremely expensive, so getting dad up to speed can be an important and even lifesaving investment.

“I want men to understand: This isn’t just a woman thing,” Edwards says. “This is about the family unit as a whole.”

Dads to Doulas isn't the only course of its kind.

A man with his daughters sits at a table listening to doula trainingDads to Doulas

More and more training programs like it are popping up all over the country. Dad Doula Bootcamp in Kansas City is another big one picking up steam.

We've come a long way when it comes to expecting dads. In the 50s and 60s, dads were actually invited to have a seat in the waiting room or even go to a nearby bar and wait for the baby to be born!

Now, more and more men want to get educated and get involved. Organizations like Dads to Doulas make that possible. And it's leading to better outcomes for babies and mothers.

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He said sleep deprivation wasn't a big deal but these parents had very different reactions

It's almost like there's a reason men and women experience the early postpartum months differently.

Unsplash and girl fieri/X

It all started with a (kind of) innocuous post on X.

User Santi Ruiz prefaced his post by saying that he didn't want to "stir the parenting discourse pot."

He was, to put it lightly, not successful.

Responding to another user who had written (now deleted): "Sleep deprivation is for like four months and then you just sleep normally most nights."

Ruiz added on in a quote repost: "The sleep deprivation is fine. It’s totally fine. You suck it up and then it’s over. Grow up."

(Definitely sounds like someone who "doesn't want to stir the pot!")

With the pot sufficiently stirred, Ruiz's post began making its way across the X parenting universe, racking up over 1 million views (to just one thousand Likes... talk about being ratio'd.)

First on the scene were the blue-check dads excitedly agreeing.

"It's all fine. Literally, grow up," one wrote.

"Seriously, I get that it's not fun but stop being so soft," added another.

Another dad chimed in that he just drinks green tea for energy and feels great!

Another posited that if it was really so bad, there wouldn't be so many couples with more than one child!

Reading the replies, you got the sense that these guys really had no idea how the other half lives — or their other half, to be specific.

Luckily...

The moms of X quickly showed up to set the record straight about sleep deprivation being "not that bad."

Clearly, there is a disconnect between the experiences of the average dad in the early post-partum months and the experiences of the average mom.

Shocking, I know!

Could it be... that there's a difference between being the one who carried and birthed a baby and (in many cases) is responsible for feeding it with your body, versus just being there to help out as much as you can?

The stories women shared in the replies and quotes were heartbreaking.

Torture levels of sleep deprivation, hallucinations, and even becoming physically ill.

And probably most frightening of all was the revelation that becoming deeply sleep deprived could lead to a person harming their own baby in extreme cases.

It may come as a shock to the "just drink green tea and take a nap" guys, but chronic sleep deprivation can exacerbate postpartum depression, make you more irritable, increase anxiety, and even make you hallucinate.

For moms, you can pile that on top of the fact that postpartum recovery from the physical and emotional trauma of birth is a process that can take months — and is slowed and hindered by lack of sleep!

Sleep deprivation isn't just something parents deal with for a "few months."

While some people are blessed with babies that sleep early and often, that's not overly typical.

Many babies don't consistently sleep through the night until around 6-12 months old.

But that's not even the whole story.

Breastfeeding moms may have to breastfeed in the middle of the night for 6-18 months or even longer! Some bottle fed babies can stop night-feeding earlier (3-4 months), but many will go for 6 or more months.

Not to mention there are a laughable number of common sleep regression ages — developmental periods where your normally good-sleeper may have trouble. Some experts say there are six or more of these setback stages before your child even turns 2, which feels like a cruel joke when you're living through it.

That is a really long time to have your sleep disrupted every single night!

Even when the disruption becomes relatively minor, it can have tons of adverse mental and physical health effects when it goes on for such a long time.

Surprisingly, "suck it up" is not a credible treatment for chronic sleep loss.

There is one good thing to come out of this discourse: Everyone's mileage may vary. Some people's kids are great sleepers from an early age. Others aren't.

The OP may have wanted to stir up controversy for some extra followers, or maybe he just put his foot in his mouth based on his own not-so-bad experience.

But you can learn a lot by examining the discourse firestorm that came after.

If you truly want children but are scared of sleep deprivation horror stories, just know that it can be managed with the right support. It can be extremely harrowing but it's not a reason to deprive yourself of a family if that's what you want — you may not have it as bad as others have! A lot of the people chiming in to agree probably weren't ill-intentioned, just fortunate.

More importantly, maybe let's not invalidate other parents' experiences and feelings.

Saying that the sleep deprivation wasn't that bad for you is fine, but telling other people they're being soft and to grow up is mind-blowingly oblivious and unnecessary.

Tired parents need all the support we can get — and more importantly, maybe someone to watch the kids so we can take a nap.

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