upworthy

adulting

Community

People shared the adult problems "nobody prepared you for" and here are the 21 most relatable answers

These people get it.

via PixaBay

Being an adult is tough.

Nothing can ever fully prepare you for being an adult. Once you leave childhood behind, the responsibilities, let-downs, and setbacks come at you rapid-fire. Like Ferris Bueller wisely said, "Life comes at you fast." It really does. It’s also tiring and expensive, and there's no easy-to-follow roadmap for happiness and success. A Reddit user asked the online forum, “What’s an adult problem nobody prepared you for?” and there were a lot of profound answers that get to the heart of the disappointing side of being an adult.

One theme that ran through many responses is the feeling of being set adrift. When you’re a kid, the world is laid out as a series of accomplishments. You learn to walk, you figure out how to use the bathroom, you start school, you finish school, maybe you go to college, and so on.

However, once we’re out of the school system and out from under our parents’ roofs, there is a vast, complicated world out there and it takes a long time to learn how it works. The tough thing is that if you don’t get a good head start, you can spend the rest of your life playing catch-up.

Then, you hit middle age and realize that life is short and time is only moving faster.

Adulthood also blindsides a lot of people because we realize that many adults are simply children who got older, but didn't actually grow up. The adult world is a lot more like high school than a teenager could ever imagine.

The Reddit thread may seem a bit depressing at first, but there are a lot of great lessons that younger people can take to heart. The posts will also make older people feel a lot better because they can totally relate.

Being an adult is hard, exhausting, and expensive. But we’re all in this together and by sharing the lessons we’ve learned we can help lighten each other's load just a bit.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “What is an adult problem nobody prepared you for?”

1. Lack of purpose

"Lack of purpose. All your young life you are given purpose of passing exams and learning, then all of a sudden you are thrown into the world and told to find your own meaning," — Captain_Snow.

2. No bed time

bedtime, sleep, rest, enough sleep, adulthood, yawning

Woman yawning behind the wheel.

Image via Canva

"You can stay up as late as you want. But you shouldn't," — geek-fit

Sleep is a big one. According to the Center for Disease Control, sleep has a number of health benefits specifically for adults. Lose too much sleep and, conversely, it can put your health at serious risk.

3. Friendships (or lack thereof...)

"Where did all my friends go?" — I_Love_Small_Breasts

Most of them are at the same place as you are ... Probably wondering the same thing," — Blackdraon003

4. Bodily changes

bodies, weight gain, aging, changes, adult body

Yeah, bodies change.

38.media.tumblr.com

"I'm closer to fifty than forty, would have been nice to be better prepared for some of the ways your body starts to change at this point that don't normally get talked about. For instance your teeth will start to shift from general aging of your gums," — dayburner.

5. Learning people don't change

"Didnt know that other adults have the emotional intelligence of teenagers and its almost impossible to deal with logically," — Super-Progress-6386

6. Money

"$5K is a lot to owe, but not a lot to have," — Upper-Job5130

7. Our parents are aging, too

aging, parents, adulthood, illness, decline

Elderly man sitting on the couch.

Image via Canva

"Handling the decline and death of your parents," - Agave666

8. Free time

"Not having a lot of free-time or time by myself," — detective_kiara

9. No goals

"Not having a pre-defined goal once I was out of college. Growing up my goals were set for me: get through elementary school! then middle school! Then high school, and get into college and get a degree, then get a job, and then...? Vague "advance in your career, buy a house, find a spouse, have a kid or multiple, then retire." At 22 I had no idea how to break that down more granularly," — FreehandBirdlime

10. Constant upkeep

upkeep, fatigue, chores, maintenance,, adulthood

It can be a rat race.

Giphy

"Life is all about maintenance. Your body, your house, your relationships, everything requires constant never ending maintenance," — IHateEditedBGMusic

11. Exhaustion

"Being able to do so many things because I'm an adult but too tired to do any of them," — London82

12. Loneliness

"Being an adult feels extremely lonely," — Bluebloop0

13. Dinner

meal prep, making dinner, cooking, prepare, adult, dinner time

Someone meal prepping.

Image via Canva

"Having to make dinner every. Fucking. Day," — EndlesslyUnfinished

14. Accelerated time

"The more life you’ve lived, the faster time seems to go," — FadedQuill

15. You're responsible for everything, even the stuff you don't mean

"You are held to account for bad behaviour for which you are negligent even if you had no intention to cause harm. As a lawyer, I see this all the time. People don't think they're responsible for mistakes. You are," — grishamlaw

16. Work is like high school

high school, cliques, teenagers, workplace, drama,

High school students.

Image via Canva

"The intricacies of workplace politics," — Steve_Lobsen writes. "

"When you're in school, you think that you won't have to deal with gossiping and bullying once you leave school. Unfortunately, that is not true," — lady_laughs_too_much

17. There's nowhere to turn

"How easy it is to feel stuck in a bad situation (job, relationship, etc) just because the cost and effort of getting out can seem daunting. And sometimes you just have to accept a figurative bowl full of shit because you can't afford to blow up your life," — movieguy95453

While adulthood feels this way, there are places to turn. Building community can help adults find friends, mentors, partners, colleagues, and even found family who can be there for them when they need it.

18. The happiness question

"Figuring out what makes you happy. Everyone keeps trying to get you to do things you're good at, or that makes you money, but never to pursue what you enjoy," — eternalwanderer5

19. Constantly cleaning

"The kitchen is always dirty. You’ll clean it at least three times every day," — cewnc

20. Being alive is like...really expensive

adulthood, adult, money, expenses, cost, saving, budget

Saying this to literally everything.

Giphy

"One adult problem nobody prepared me for is how expensive everything is. I always thought that as an adult I would be able to afford the things I wanted, but it turns out that's not always the case! I've had to learn how to budget and save up for the things I want, and it's been a difficult process," — Dull_Dog_8126

21. Keeping above water

"All of it together. I was relatively warned about how high rent is, car bills and repairs, how buying healthy food is expensive as hell but important for your health, how to exercise and save what you can, my parents did their best to fill in my knowledge about taxes and healthcare and insurance that my schooling missed, about driving and cleaning a household, about setting boundaries at work but working hard and getting ahead if you can, about charity and what it means to take care of a pet and others, about being a good partner if you were lucky enough to have one, about how dark and messed up the world is when you just read the news and what all that means to me and my community… I was reasonably warned about all of it.

"No one could have ever prepared me for how hard doing all of it at the same time and keeping your head above that water would actually be," — ThatNoNameWriter


This article originally appeared three years ago.

From Your Site Articles
adulthood
Internet

Someone created a video of what it's like to party in your 30s and it's internet gold

Everybody out by 10.

Malena Tudi|TikTok

A real life look into what it looks like to party in your 30s

Something happens at some unknown point in your 30s where partying no longer looks the same as it did when you were in your early 20s. There's no real warning. In fact, sometimes it happens mid-party. You're having a good time dancing, taking a Jägerbomb, then you slowly feel the youthful excitement drift from your body.

You realize you have a big meeting Monday you have to prepare for and you'd rather hear your cat's best motorcycle impression than spend one more second being bumped into by sweaty people in the club. And just like that, a different partying expectation is formed. One where you know that dropping it low may mean that you can't get back up.

Where sensible shoes take priority and you're not going if there aren't comfortable chairs, a reasonable end time and music at an acceptable decibel level. Malena Tudi, perfectly captured what it's like to party in your 30s, it's instantly clear that bumping and grinding with strangers isn't on the list.

In the video uploaded to TIkTok where it got over 18.3 million views and 2.6 million likes, a group of people gathered close but not too close watch as someone squirts mustard on the floor while house music blasts. The room is lit to look like it's some sort of nightclub, but everyone is wearing sweatpants and other comfortable clothes. When the man is finishes squeezing the condiment on the floor, another man pulls out a Tineco mop-vac. The party goers, including the one holding the vacuum drop their jaws in shock as the device cleans the area with no streaks or left over residue.

The room was collectively shook at what they just witnessed. A vacuum that mops and vacuums at the same time efficiently, they thought their eyes were deceiving them. But it was in fact reality. Commenters agreed that the mop-vac is amazing and shared stories of their own experiences of parties in their 30s.

"The last party I was at we all spent approx 45 min discussing a crockpot someone brought dip in, I bought one from Amazon while still at the party," one person writes along with including a weary face emoji.

"I have the superfecta, Tineco, Dyson, Crockpot and airfrier [sic]. my 30s be Wilding," someone says.

"I look forward to my weekends so I can hit my pen and walk around Ikea for hours," another person writes.

Clearly, partying in your 30s is a whole different vibe that involves a lot less dancing and a lot more showing off new appliances. Now watch these guys party like rock stars with their $300 mop-vac so you can know which one to impress your friends with at your next party.

Check out the video below:

@malenatudi

Time of our lives #fyp #party #30s

From Your Site Articles
tineco mop-vac
More

These 11 childhood cliches are still totally on point.

If we follow the voice from childhood still ringing in our heads, we might do better at adulting.

Did your parents set boundaries for you when you were a kid? Mine did.

But if you were anything like me as a kid, you questioned all of it. I wondered why I couldn't stay up all night at a sleepover, or why I couldn't eat a bowl of Fruit Loops at bedtime. (My mom always said, “You think you’re hungry, but you’re really just tired. Go to bed.” Thanks, Mom.)

Me and my mom. Photo courtesy of the author, used with permission.

Even if you come from a family that suffered from a lot of dysfunction (like mine) and your parents didn’t win “Discipliners of the Year,” I bet you still have some valuable lessons they taught you buried deep in your memory.

As I transition into adult life, I’m trying to learn how to set my own boundaries. Ironically, I’ve realized there are dozens of things I can learn about boundaries from my childhood — things that will help me live a fuller life as an adult.

Here's what I’m trying to remember in every part of my life, from work to home and everywhere in between:

1. Just because Julie gets to have it doesn’t mean I get to have it.

This rule used to apply to a new scooter with tassels or a new Game Boy. In adult life, I’ve learned that it’s more about wanting what other people have, like babies and functional families.

According to psychology professor and researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, unhappy people compare themselves to others because they have bought into the idea that true happiness comes when our friends fail and we succeed. Comparison is a thief that will rob us of every ounce of happiness — if we let it.

2. Life isn’t fair.

Some people get spa memberships while others get eviction notices. Some people get Christmas bonuses while others get laid off. Some people get great health insurance that covers everything while others get bad health insurance that equals heaping piles of late bills. You get the point. Adulthood — and life — isn’t fair and balanced.

Image via iStock.

Slowly, I am learning to accept that we all taste a different flavor of pain and brokenness and heartbreak at different points in our lives. But I also won’t give up on fighting hard every day for equality in things that matter. I will speak up as the voice for people who don’t deserve their flavor of pain and injustice.

3. It’s OK to cry.

When my dad missed a cheerleading competition that I’d been practicing for all year and then my team lost, it solidified a very bad day, and my mom held me close and used her soft hands to wipe away and validate my tears.

In every moment when you feel the weight of life not being fair as an adult, it’s OK to cry. Life is life.

4. Family comes first.

As a kid, I remember waiting by the car in my party dress to drive to my friend’s birthday party, but all of the sudden our car needed to change routes to go visit my grandma in the hospital. Do you remember the tears from your childhood when you didn’t get what you wanted because family called and needed help? It’s rough, but it teaches you how to love.

Today, if my dad calls and he’s struggling with his addiction, I’ll answer the call — no matter what’s on my social calendar. If my uncle needs surgery, I’ll get on a plane and watch the clock tick with my family in the waiting room. Even when it means missing something important, I’ll fly to you. I’ll be there. Because I love you more than anything I think is bigger and better on my agenda.

5. Think before you speak.

When I’m on the phone with customer service complaining about the fourth failed attempt at delivering a new washing machine I purchased weeks ago, all of the rules of manners fly out the window. I want what I want when I want it. Now. Yesterday.

But what if that customer service representative just came into work after an all-nighter with a loved one who suffers from anxiety? I’m not exactly being very loving to a person who is really just exhausted. So maybe — just maybe — all the moms were right about this golden rule.

6. Eat ice cream for dinner.

Go big! Buy 20 different snacks from the vending machine. Totally go "Gilmore Girls" style: Just decide not to decide and try out all the assortments.

Image via iStock.

We all need days to relax from the routine and make a childish decision that throws out all attention to an adult budget. Do I need Cheez-Its and Sour Straws AND Oreos? Probably not. But I need a day where I get to be a kid again and follow mom’s advice to eat ice cream for dinner. (OK, she was probably just too tired to make dinner that night, but aren’t you too tired to make dinner too?)

7. Save the world.

My brother and I attended the low-income elementary school where my mom taught, even though we weren’t districted to go there. One day, my brother came home from school and asked why his friend always wore the same clothes every day. My mom tackled the tough questions head-on, and we went through our closets to anonymously donate clothes to our friends who needed help.

Where has this child-like enthusiasm for saving the world or just helping a friend gone? I want to open my eyes and ask hard questions, and remember why I cared.

8. Say you’re sorry.

I remember those forced awkward apologies when I said something sassy to a friend and then she tattled on me. We learn the script of apologies as a kid, but it took me a while to learn how and when to say it and mean it.

When my dad tried to say sorry for relapsing in his addiction, I didn’t know how to look him in the eye and accept his apology. When a friend told me why she felt I let her down, I didn’t suck it up and say I’m sorry. But I’m still trying. I want to be first to the “I’m sorry” line — not the person who waits for someone else to point out I owe them an apology. And when people I love are brave enough to apologize to me, I want the same kind of bravery to look up and listen.

9. Write “love” notes (not the mushy kind).

I’m convinced that 1. Life is really, really hard for everyone, and 2. We all need more love letters. My mom used to write me love notes every day on a napkin that she put in my lunch box.

Image via iStock.

Who in my life needs to know that I love them? Who needs a napkin every day as a reminder that someone in this big world sees them and hears them and knows them?

10. Talk it out (especially with bullies).

Me and my little-girl band of hair-pulling friends earned ourselves a weekly session on our school counselor’s couch. We learned the classic: “I feel [blank] when you [blank].” Really, we wasted hours bullying each other and then were forced to talk it out when it would have been easier to cross our arms and pout.

I know the takeaway here because life would be a whole lot easier if we just talked about it. But it’s not easy. In fact, I stubbornly would rather just keep avoiding hard conversations. However, I’m trying to swallow my fear and go to the hard places with people who hurt me, communicating when and how I feel unloved.

11. Mess up. Try again. Repeat.

Every day, I mess up and I do something (or many somethings) wrong. I hurt people’s feelings. I go down the wrong road. I shut down when I should listen. I lie or fabricate when I should tell the truth.

The good news is that we all make mistakes. When I say something sarcastic that comes out sounding rude, I’ll wake up and try again at this whole life-with-humans thing.

Our days of chore charts and bedtimes might have ended, but we can still learn how to play nice in the sandbox.

Image via iStock.

Rules and boundaries can help us live productive and fulfilling lives, just like the days mom proudly displayed our “Student of the Month” certificate on the fridge.

My parents used to tuck me in at night and send me off to school in the morning, always whispering “I love you.” I want to get back to my roots. I want to find my way back home — to the place where all the rules were made with love.

From Your Site Articles
More

5 hilarious comics that prove you can be a good parent and still act like a child.

When I was younger, I thought that when I became an adult, things would make more sense and life would be easier.

I believed this because I didn’t see adults having temper tantrums. I just assumed that, once people became adults, things got smoother. I assumed the world of chaos and confusion would magically dwindle and subside.

But my 18th birthday came and went, and the feeling of "adult" was nowhere to be found. Sure, I wasn’t having temper tantrums anymore (or should I say, too many temper tantrums), but my life still seemed chaotic and confusing.

So I decided that maybe it would happen when I was a parent — when I became a mom, I’d feel like an adult.

But again, my ideas dissolved as I attempted to parent using the recommended "shoulds" and "musts" of mainstream parenting books.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

Eventually, I’ve come to realize that I’m just a big kid stuck in an adult’s body.

I always thought at some point my body AND mind would develop into a full-grown human who acted mature and could handle the world in both its glory and devastation (aka an "adult"), but that’s still not the case. And no, this doesn’t mean I am irresponsible. Yes, I love my daughter like any parent would.

It just means that I am constantly redefining what I feel it means for me to "adult" while parenting and simultaneously trying to NOT mess up too terribly.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

To be honest, I sometimes wonder if life might be simpler for me if I did act like a "real adult."

You know, someone who acts more mature, dresses neatly, drives without blasting rock n’ roll, doesn’t cuss or dance like a goddess invoking earth spirits at outdoor music festivals, makes pretty casseroles and actually enjoys watching swim practice at overly stuffy chlorinated pools.

But, that’s not me.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

As other moms make their homes spotless before parties, I shuffle junk into corners and throw decorative sheets over the piles.

As others make Pinterest-perfect hors d'oeuvres, I bring organic Fruity-O’s bracelets and bags of snacks laid out on a picnic blanket. As others talk about the weather, I’m asking what makes us feel alive and wondering, "Why we aren’t doing these things now!"

And between work, exercise, relationship building, and my own play, I dedicate that time for me and my daughter. This is time where, despite me not being that perfectly mature adult, I try to be present with just her, whether it’s in the sandbox, playing pretend, doing art, or just cuddling on the couch.

Though I probably "should" be teaching her how to cook a perfect lasagna and act politely, I’d much rather let her be 8 years old for a bit longer and teach her how to make that perfectly bizarre silly face or dance crazy to rock n’ roll or pretend we’re fairies in a forest, or explain how to properly wear underwear on her head as we fold the laundry.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

In all this trying, my main goal is to parent the best I can while still remaining me, which means nope, I’m not a "real adult."

I am not perfect. And yep, there will be a lot of immaturity, silliness, and messing up while I try with my best intentions.

And, hopefully, just hopefully, my daughter will learn how to honor that incredible childlike innocence and playfulness by bringing it through her entire life, too, so she also can feel free in non-adulting as she makes waves in her world.

Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

From Your Site Articles
Trending Stories