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Kristen was a real go-getter — she wasn't afraid to say "yes." And it helped her shoot up the ranks at her job as a young woman.

She wasn't afraid to try new things or risk failure. So the blogger and knitting enthusiast found herself with her own office at the young age of 21. But her love affair with the word "yes" didn't last forever.


30 years later, she found that her romance with "yes" had finally lost its flame. She was stressed out.

Unfortunately you can't always fake it until you make it.

She found herself saying "yes" to the wrong things, leaving her stretched and overcommitted.

So she decided it was time give a word in her lexicon some extra use.

Not all of us can say "no" with the ease of Grumpy Cat. #lifegoals.

It took a while, but once she perfected "the art of 'no'" she knew she made the right decision.

In a blog post about her journey to learning how to say no, she says getting into the habit wasn't easy, but it was so worth it. She feels better: free, happy, and more helpful!

GIF via "Despicable Me."

Here are some simple tips that'll have you saying that two-letter word with ease in no time:

1. Make the commitment to "no" official. Figure out why you need to say it, and declare it.

YES! And that's OK. GIF via "Scandal."

It'll be easier to stick to saying "no" when you've sat down and told yourself why you've made the conscious decision to do so. Kristen's turning point came when she found herself making and delivering 200 desserts by hand for a party that wasn't even hers — when she had her own party the same day! The stress of it left her feeling exhausted and victimized. She decided enough is enough.

So take a minute to think about it: Why do you need to say "no"? Is it to get more sleep? To be less stressed? To have more time to go to the gym or spend time with friends? Remember that every reason is valid. Just make sure you discover yours.

2. Remember: Saying "no" won't make everyone hate you.

A re-enactment of how people will feel after you tell them "no." GIF via "Skins."

Until we learn how to add more hours to the 24 we've got in a day, we just can't do everything. People get that we have limitations — because we all have them. And, you know, there's that thing with sleeping and eating that we humans can't do without.

If people respect you enough to ask for your help, they'll respect you enough to not take your "no" personally. Keep in mind that it isn't the word "no" that's inherently rude; it's how it's said that makes the difference.

3. Overcome FOMO and get comfortable with "doing you."

It's easy to feel like Homer, but you can overcome it. I BELIEVE IN YOU! GIF via "The Simpsons."

The temptation to say "yes" can be especially strong when you feel like you don't want to miss out on a great opportunity. If you're tempted to say "yes" out of fear, ask yourself a few questions. For instance: Will there be other parties? Can I really take on another commitment? Will I feel energized or more exhausted if I do this?

4. Discover the magic of using "and" or "but."

See how magical that word is?! GIF via "Spongebob Squarepants."

I get it. The idea of a curt "no" might sound terrifying. And nobody likes rudeness. Try these simple additions to help you soften the blow while still sounding confident:

In the resources section of the She Negotiates' website, negotiation consultant and executive coach Lisa Gates shows just how effective these words can be in different situations:

When you're just flat out saying "no."

"Yes, I'd love to participate, and I am going to have to decline."

When you know someone who can do it.

"I love that you thought of me, and I'm unable to participate. How can I help you find someone else?"

When you want to show your appreciation for the ask.
"I think your idea is fabulous, and I'm not able to participate at this time."

When it's "no" — for now.
"Yes, I'd love to participate, but at a later date. Can you ask me again in January?"

5. Keep it short and sweet.

Channel your inner Liz Lemon. GIF via "30 Rock."

Know that saying "no" is enough. You don't need to provide a long explanation to prove the worth of your "no." Keep it simple while being truthful. It'll be clear, and (bonus points) you don't sound like you're making up excuses!

And if you wish you didn't have to say "no"? Here's another example Gates offers:

I really wanted to attend your party but I was working late and the kids had a meltdown when I came home and by the time things were calmed down it was too late. Besides, someone boxed me in and I couldn't get out of my parking space even if I wanted to. I'm sorry if you were counting on me. How can I make it up to you?

Doesn't it sound so much better when you keep it short and to the point?

Following these steps are just the beginning. Fortunately there are a lot of resources out there that can help you learn how to say "no." Check out theseposts on Lifehacker or books like "How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty" by Patti Brietman and Connie Hatch.

Creating boundaries can be hard, but having them makes for a happier, more healthy life. It might feel counterintuitive, but saying "no" can actually improve your relationships. Think about it: If you learn how to turn down doing the things you don't really want to do, then you're free to commit to the things — and people — you're crazy about (in the good way).

So go out there and flex those "no" muscles and tell me how it goes. Or not. It's OK if you don't want to report back — just say no. ;)

Joy

Nurse turns inappropriate things men say in the delivery room into ‘inspirational’ art

"Can you move to the birthing ball so I can sleep in the bed?"

Holly the delivery nurse.

After working six years as a labor and delivery nurse Holly, 30, has heard a lot of inappropriate remarks made by men while their partners are in labor. “Sometimes the moms think it’s funny—and if they think it’s funny, then I’ll laugh with them,” Holly told TODAY Parents. “But if they get upset, I’ll try to be the buffer. I’ll change the subject.”

Some of the comments are so wrong that she did something creative with them by turning them into “inspirational” quotes and setting them to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton on TikTok.

“Some partners are hard to live up to!” she jokingly captioned the video.

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All images provided by Adewole Adamson

It begins with more inclusive conversations at a patient level

True

Adewole Adamson, MD, of the University of Texas, Austin, aims to create more equity in health care by gathering data from more diverse populations by using artificial intelligence (AI), a type of machine learning. Dr. Adamson’s work is funded by the American Cancer Society (ACS), an organization committed to advancing health equity through research priorities, programs and services for groups who have been marginalized.

Melanoma became a particular focus for Dr. Adamson after meeting Avery Smith, who lost his wife—a Black woman—to the deadly disease.

melanoma,  melanoma for dark skin Avery Smith (left) and Adamson (sidenote)

This personal encounter, coupled with multiple conversations with Black dermatology patients, drove Dr. Adamson to a concerning discovery: as advanced as AI is at detecting possible skin cancers, it is heavily biased.

To understand this bias, it helps to first know how AI works in the early detection of skin cancer, which Dr. Adamson explains in his paper for the New England Journal of Medicine (paywall). The process uses computers that rely on sets of accumulated data to learn what healthy or unhealthy skin looks like and then create an algorithm to predict diagnoses based on those data sets.

This process, known as supervised learning, could lead to huge benefits in preventive care.

After all, early detection is key to better outcomes. The problem is that the data sets don’t include enough information about darker skin tones. As Adamson put it, “everything is viewed through a ‘white lens.’”

“If you don’t teach the algorithm with a diverse set of images, then that algorithm won’t work out in the public that is diverse,” writes Adamson in a study he co-wrote with Smith (according to a story in The Atlantic). “So there’s risk, then, for people with skin of color to fall through the cracks.”

Tragically, Smith’s wife was diagnosed with melanoma too late and paid the ultimate price for it. And she was not an anomaly—though the disease is more common for White patients, Black cancer patients are far more likely to be diagnosed at later stages, causing a notable disparity in survival rates between non-Hispanics whites (90%) and non-Hispanic blacks (66%).

As a computer scientist, Smith suspected this racial bias and reached out to Adamson, hoping a Black dermatologist would have more diverse data sets. Though Adamson didn’t have what Smith was initially looking for, this realization ignited a personal mission to investigate and reduce disparities.

Now, Adamson uses the knowledge gained through his years of research to help advance the fight for health equity. To him, that means not only gaining a wider array of data sets, but also having more conversations with patients to understand how socioeconomic status impacts the level and efficiency of care.

“At the end of the day, what matters most is how we help patients at the patient level,” Adamson told Upworthy. “And how can you do that without knowing exactly what barriers they face?”

american cancer society, skin cacner treatment"What matters most is how we help patients at the patient level."https://www.kellydavidsonstudio.com/

The American Cancer Society believes everyone deserves a fair and just opportunity to prevent, find, treat, and survive cancer—regardless of how much money they make, the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, gender identity, their disability status, or where they live. Inclusive tools and resources on the Health Equity section of their website can be found here. For more information about skin cancer, visit cancer.org/skincancer.

The mesmerizing lost art of darning knit fabric.

For most of human history, people had to make their own clothing by hand, and sewing skills were subsequently passed down from generation to generation. Because clothing was so time-consuming and labor-intensive to make, people also had to know how to repair clothing items that got torn or damaged in some way.

The invention of sewing and knitting machines changed the way we acquire clothing, and the skills people used to possess have largely gone by the wayside. If we get a hole in a sock nowadays, we toss it and replace it. Most of us have no idea how to darn a sock or fix a hole in any knit fabric. It's far easier for us to replace than to repair.

But there are still some among us who do have the skills to repair clothing in a way that makes it look like the rip, tear or hole never happened, and to watch them do it is mesmerizing.

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Pop Culture

Artist uses AI to create ultra realistic portraits of celebrities who left us too soon

What would certain icons look like if nothing had happened to them?

Mercury would be 76 today.

Some icons have truly left this world too early. It’s a tragedy when anyone doesn’t make it to see old age, but when it happens to a well-known public figure, it’s like a bit of their art and legacy dies with them. What might Freddie Mercury have created if he were granted the gift of long life? Bruce Lee? Princess Diana?

Their futures might be mere musings of our imagination, but thanks to a lot of creativity (and a little tech) we can now get a glimpse into what these celebrities might have looked like when they were older.

Alper Yesiltas, an Istanbul-based lawyer and photographer, created a photography series titled “As If Nothing Happened,” which features eerily realistic portraits of long gone celebrities in their golden years. To make the images as real looking as possible, Yesiltas incorporated various photo editing programs such as Adobe Lightroom and VSCO, as well as the AI photo-enhancing software Remini.

“The hardest part of the creative process for me is making the image feel ‘real’ to me,” Yesiltas wrote about his passion project. “The moment I like the most is when I think the image in front of me looks as if it was taken by a photographer.”

Yesiltas’ meticulousness paid off, because the results are uncanny.

Along with each photo, Yesiltas writes a bittersweet message “wishing” how things might have gone differently … as if nothing happened.
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