Kenya's unique approach to rape prevention should have the rest of the world taking note.
You may have seen the story circulating around the internet lately about a group of boys in Kenya whose quick thinking and intervention stopped a rape in progress. Here's the program that taught them what to do.Trigger warning for discussion about sexual assault and prevention programs.
For years, Kenya has faced an epidemic of sexual assault.
1 in 4 women and girls living in Nairobi have been sexually assaulted. Schoolgirls were frequently raped by friends and boyfriends. Clothes have been torn from women's bodies in public.
Here's what they did.
In 2010, the group No Means No Worldwide began offering self-defense classes to Nairobi schoolgirls, teaching them how to fight back against rape.
In its early stages, the program focused on providing women in the poorest parts of Kenya with self-defense skills. The program focused on empowering women, not shaming them.
After launch, program founders worked to develop Your Moment of Truth, a separate program for boys.
During early No Means No sessions, girls told instructors that the biggest problems were the boys themselves. The most common attackers were boyfriends.
The program learned that many boys believed it's justifiable to rape girls who are out alone after dark, wear miniskirts, or are taken on expensive dates.
No Means No developed Your Moment of Truth to highlight life's tough choices, which, in this case, included whether it's OK to rape someone. The program was a huge success.
Rape by friends and boyfriends dropped by 20% in schools teaching the Your Moment of Truth program.
Later this year, the Journal of Interpersonal Violence plans to publish a study highlighting the positive effect this training has had on boys.
The study found that boys who go through training were more likely to intervene when witnessing a girl being assaulted, and they were less likely to verbally harass girls. Additionally, schools featuring this program found that rape by girls' friends and boyfriends dropped dramatically.
By 2017, every secondary student in Nairobi will undergo assault prevention training.
By teaching kids when they're young, they're being empowered for the future. Educating young generations is key in effecting long-term social change.
In many parts of the world, assault prevention starts and ends with what women can do to avoid putting themselves in "high-risk" situations. These are not effective.
Researchers used Kenya's scenario to test the two methods. One group of women received the No Means No training while the other took a life-skills class. Girls who received the No Means No training saw a nearly 40% decrease in rapes in the year following the program. Girls who took the life-skills offering were raped at the same rate.
Not only is teaching women how to avoid "high-risk" situations ineffective, but it shifts the blame to the victim for being raped instead of putting it on the rapist for actually committing the crime.
Committing a crime is a choice, and the No Means No program empowers young boys to choose not to commit that crime.
The world should take a cue from Kenya: Empower girls and teach men not to rape.
This is a proven program, and it's time to roll it out around the world. Suggesting that women are somehow "asking for it" because of something they wear or something they do won't help stop rape. Kenya's approach is wonderful because it empowers and educates instead of blaming and shaming.
If there's hope of removing rape from the world, it needs to start with early education on the topics of consent and assault.
Check out this No Means No video to learn more about their boys program:
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.