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Jon Batiste shares a beautiful story about the 'healing properties' of art

During his wife Suleika Jaouad's chemotherapy, Batiste created sweet lullabies to help her feel less alone.

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Jon Batiste in 2020.

For Jon Batiste, it could be said that the Grammys this year were the best of times and the worst of times.

On the same day that the artist racked up a total of 11 award nominations and five wins—a pinnacle for any music career—his personal life had also reached a pivotal point, though it wasn't nearly as joyous. His newlywed wife Suleika Jaouad had begun chemotherapy for leukemia, after being diagnosed for a second time.

Batiste told CBS that they received the bad news only eight days before the awards ceremony, also right before his 35th birthday. Lots of big life changes. Some spectacular. Others … not so much.

Despite the fear and uncertainty, one thing has kept their spirits up: the healing power of art.

Jaouad, who wrote a bestselling memoir about her previous cancer diagnosis, described it as “holding the absolutely…gutting, heartbreaking, painful things and the beautiful, soulful things in the same palm of one hand.”

She added, “It's hard to do that, but you have to do that, because otherwise the grief takes over."

And just when grief threatened to take over once again, it was met with love and creativity.

The couple had only been officially married since February (which Batiste recalled as a “beautiful evening,” using bread ties to tie the knot instead of wedding bands) just before Jaouad had been scheduled for a bone marrow transplant.

The thought of a honeymoon being in a hospital room is probably not on anyone’s vision board, but the omicron surge meant that even this wasn’t an option. Jaouad told her husband that not being able to share this harrowing experience together felt like “hollow suffering.”

That’s when Batiste got to writing.

After being hunched over his laptop for half an hour, Batiste presented a sweet, soothing lullaby to his wife from afar, to assure her that she was not alone.

“It felt like he was right there sleeping by my bedside,” she shared. From that point on, every night meant a new lullaby for wifey.

As the Lady With the Lamp herself, Florence Nightingale once observed, “variety of form and brilliancy of colour in the objects presented to patients have a powerful effect and are actual means of recovery.” These effects have been (and continue to be) thoroughly researched and documented. Whether it’s through music, movement, visual arts or writing, art can be a refuge during crisis, providing an outlet to reduce anxiety, express difficult emotions and recover a sense of wholeness.

Scientific studies help validate the notion, but many know this already, at least on some intuitive level. Art is something every culture practices, after all. And as a creative couple, it’s something that Batiste and Jaouad know quite viscerally.

“Fill the room with these healing properties,” Batiste told CBS. “For me, [music is] my way. Everybody will have their way, you know, but seek that. Meditate on that. Focus on those things. Find those things."

In addition to listening to lullabies, Jaouad has spent her time “finding some form of creative expression to express what feels impossible to express, to express the unendurable.”

This includes creating paintings and bedazzling her walker, trading out the dread for a small dose of happiness.

Especially in times of upheaval, every dose matters.

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Under or over? There actually is a 'right' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

The debate is settled, once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?

Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia, from democracy to breastfeeding in public to how often people ought to wash their sheets. But perhaps the most silly-yet-surprisingly heated household debate is the one in which we argue over which way to hang the toilet paper roll.

The "over or under" question has plagued marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years, with both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under. Some people feel so strongly about right vs. wrong TP hanging that they will even flip the roll over when they go to the bathroom in the homes of strangers.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not merely an inconsequential preference. According to health experts and the man who invented the toilet paper roll, there is actually a "correct" way to hang toilet paper.

What is the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper?

First, let's be clear about what we're even talking about here with a visual. In the image below, left is "over" and right is "under."

toilet paper, bathrooms, over or under, toilet roll, bathroom etiquette Toilet paper hung "over" (left) and "under" (right)Elya/Wikimedia Commons

So which one is the right way? According to health experts, "over" is the way to go.

"One key to maintaining a hygienic washroom is minimising contact between people and surfaces," Dr. Christian Moro, associate professor of health sciences and medicine at Bond University on Australia's Gold Coast, told Australian Broadcasting Corporation. "Depending on the type of roll holder, [hanging the toilet paper "over"] often lowers the chance that a user will touch the wall behind when fishing for paper, leaving germs behind on that surface which can be spread to the next user."

Picture it: Grabbing the end of the toilet paper when it's hung "over" means you only touch the part of the toilet paper you're going to use. When it's "under," you sometimes have to fish for it or scrape your fingers on the wall in order to grab the loose end. In addition to whatever might be on people's hands already, think about all the people who wipe twice, potentially transferring fresh fecal matter or other bacteria to the wall on the second pass, which then get picked up by other people who inadvertently touch that wall when trying to grab their TP.

Theoretically, we all should have become better hand washers during the pandemic, scrubbing with soap for the full 20 seconds it takes to remove bacteria. But I wouldn't be willing to bet on it.

toilet paper, empty toilet paper roll, batthroom, bathroom etiquette, over or under Empty toilet paper roll.via Canva/Photos

And touching any surface in a bathroom is pretty nasty, according to a study from the University of Colorado. As Inc. reported: "Using a high-tech genetic sequencing tool, researchers identified 19 groups of bacteria on the doors, floors, faucet handles, soap dispensers, and toilets of 12 public restrooms in Colorado — six men’s restrooms and six women’s restrooms. Many of the bacteria strains identified could be transmitted by touching contaminated surfaces."

Bacteria means things like e.coli, which is a common source of food poisoning and one of the most common bacteria found on bathroom surfaces in the study. If you've ever had a bout of food poisoning, I'm sure you'll agree that a toilet paper roll hanging preference isn't worth risking it.

But sanitary health concerns aren't the only argument for the "over" camp. After all, the original patent for the toilet paper roll, issued in 1891, clearly shows the TP in the "over" position. Thank you for the clarity right from the get go, Mr. Wheeler.

toilet paper, bathrooms, over or under, toilet roll, bathroom etiquette The toilet paper roll was patented by Seth Wheeler in 1891.Public Domain

In Wheeler's patent, the perforated toilet paper hangs on a roll in the "over" position. In the words of the patent, the sheets of TP are “partially separated, having their points of attachment arranged in a novel manner, whereby each sheet will easily separate from the series as it is drawn from the roll, there being no litter occasioned, and any waste of paper is thereby prevented.”

Now, before the "under" folks come running with their pitchforks, there are some understandable exceptions to the "over" rule. Namely: cats and kids.

If you have a furry friend or a tiny toddler who likes to unroll the toilet paper roll, "over" makes it super fun for them, while "under" stops them in their tracks. For many people, cats and kids are the primary motivator of their TP hanging habits.

That doesn't change the fact that "over" is actually the "correct" way to hang toilet paper according to health science and the inventor's intention, of course, but "under" is certainly preferable to having a pile of TP on the floor.

Now go forth, do that with information as you will, and try to make peace with your over vs. under rivals.

This article originally appeared last year.

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toilet paper

Health

Psychologists discover the 'key' element that helps your brain stay sharp in old age

It took 10 years to get the answer.

via Canva/Photos

A graduate, a teacher, and woman reading a book.

Why are some people mentally sharp as they reach their late 80s, while others begin to have “senior moments” in their 60s and have a sharp mental decline thereafter? A recent study published in Psychological Science has found that the key component to remaining mentally sharp into advanced age is having a sense of purpose.

The study was led by Dr. Gabrielle Pfund of Auburn University and colleagues from Rush University and Washington University in St. Louis. “I have been interested in the construct of sense of purpose since early in my graduate school experience,” Pfund said, according to PsyPost. “As I continued throughout graduate school, I came across more and more research that highlighted the predictive power of purpose, particularly for healthy aging. Like many, I’ve personally experienced the pain of losing a loved one to dementia.”

Why is it so important to have a sense of purpose?

peacher, minister, man with bible, choir, church A man holding a Bible.via Canva/Photos

Pfund and her team learned the importance of purpose after conducting a study on 1,702 people, 65 years old and older, and asking them about their mental sharpness and levels of well-being for up to 10 years.

“This study focuses on the reciprocal relationship between cognitive function with three domains of well-being: (1) sense of purpose (the extent to which one feels they have personally meaningful goals and activities), (2) eudaimonic well-being (one’s sense of autonomy, personal growth, purpose, and connection to others), and (3) life satisfaction (one’s sense of contentment with their life),” Pfund explained.

The study found that people with a sense of purpose were likely to keep their mental sharpness, and when people experience cognitive decline, it has a greater effect on their sense of purpose than on general life satisfaction. “I expected the findings to be stronger for sense of purpose than life satisfaction, and that ended up being the case,” Pfund said.

What is a sense of purpose?

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Pfund’s study should make many consider whether they have a sense of purpose, especially as they get older and risk cognitive decline. But what type of purpose should we consider?

“Sense of purpose can be understood as the extent to which one feels that they have personally meaningful goals and directions guiding them through life,” Pfund said on The Mental Wellbeing Podcast. “So rather than saying ‘I have a purpose in life’ or ‘I do not,’ it's ‘how purposeful do I feel? ‘How high is my sense of purpose?’”

How do I find my life’s purpose?

woman raising hand, seminar, class, purpose, question A woman raising her hand.via Canva/Photos

Pfund believes that a top-down approach, which involves thinking of our purpose and organizing our day-to-day lives around it, can be overwhelming. Instead, she recommends a bottom-down approach that starts with examining our daily interactions.

“Think about as you're going throughout your day, where are the moments that you feel purposeful? That short-term momentary experience of purpose. If you feel purposeful when you're spending time with your friends or when you're learning new information, reading a good book, making podcasts,” she told Indi, the show's host. “If you're able to identify moments where you feel purposeful, then, over time, maybe you can use those moments to find similarities and what all of these experiences have and start to figure out … what your purpose in life may be.”

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Mental Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robbins making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations, and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control (or the illusion of it) when it does us no good was perfectly distilled into two words that everyone can understand: "Let Them." This is officially known as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video posted in May 2023.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose?

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” one viewer wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”

let them theory, let it be, paul mccartney, the beatles, exhale the beatles wave GIFGiphy

This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Man stuns his friends by calling to tell them goodnight, setting off a wholesome bro trend

"This trend is gonna heal the male loneliness epidemic."

@mirandafaye/TikTok

“Proof men need more platonic love in their lives."

What started out as a silly phone prank has turned into an incredibly wholesome TikTok trend—which some are saying might help heal male loneliness.

On May 16, a woman named Miranda filmed her husband calling a few of his buddies just to wish them goodnight. As you can probably expect, the dudes were quite stunned.

“Why? Are you thinking of me for real?” one says, flabbergasted. “God damn I love you too […] I don’t know what to say; you caught me off guard.”

“Uhhhhh…excuse me? Sweet dreams?” asked another, in shock.

The clip quickly went mega viral, racking up three million views. But more importantly, viewers agreed that it actually filled a very real need.

“Proof men need more platonic love in their lives,” wrote one person

Another added, “This is gonna heal the male loneliness epidemic.”

Pretty soon, the trend caught on, with all kinds of guys calling their bros to wish them a good night. Sure, it’s funny to watch—the “WTF?” reactions are pretty priceless—but also undeniably sweet in its own way.

Even celebrities have hopped on board. Boxer Jake Paul filmed himself wishing a goodnight to streamer Adin Ross. Meanwhile, Washington Commanders cornerback Mike Sainristil called up his NFL teammates Jayden Daniels and Sam Hartman, who called him “bonkers.”

With each new video, new comments supporting the trend came rolling in as well.

“NORMALIZE THIS TYPE OF MALE BEHAVIOR.””

“My favorite trend.”

“I’m convinced this trend is gonna save someone’s life when they’re at their lowest.”

And perhaps this theory isn’t so far off. After all, men in the US, especially those under 35, have been ranked as the loneliest demographic in the entire world, according to a recent Gallup poll. This is due to a variety of societal factors, including both the expectation for men to be strong and independent (i.e. misunderstood stoicism), as well as the encouragement for men to focus on money and success rather than building close friendships.

Add to that an increasingly more digital world, which has led many men to seek belonging in, as psychotherapist Justin Yong put it in his interview with Fortune Well, “toxic digital occupiers like gaming and porn.” This "manosphere," as many call it, might give a “short term dopamine hit,” but ultimately “replaces real intimacy and acts as a barrier to being vulnerable to how they might be feeling,” he explained.

So, call it a frivolous viral trend, but it could also be a sign to give your homie a call tonight. It could help build much needed human connection, or, at the very least, it’ll give you a good laugh.

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Health

Woman records Zoom video of getting fired, and it's a stunning example of self-advocacy

“This feels like being fired by three high school freshmen.”

via Canva/Photos

A woman on a Zoom call.

Karson Bree, a graphic designer, is going viral on TikTok for posting a video of herself getting terminated last year over Zoom. It came on the heels of being part of a staff reduction at another employer a few months before. The video has caught the public’s attention because of how strongly she stood up for herself in the meeting and how woefully unprepared her coworkers were to deal with the termination. Karson had worked for the magazine for 69 days and felt she never had the support to succeed.

The video begins with Karson speaking to two fellow employees, Julie and Kendall, and an HR representative. At the beginning of the call, she is told her position is being “terminated immediately.” When she asks why she wasn’t a “great fit,” she is greeted with a nine-second silence. Then, finally, she is told that it’s because the publication “went out late” and there were typos. Karson insists that the delay in publishing and typos were her boss, Julie’s, fault.

“As my direct report, I never felt like you stepped up and asked me if I could use help. I received very little feedback from you, and often there were times where I did reach out to you without being told anything or having any reply or response whatsoever," Karson told Julie.

“I feel like I’ve done every step of the way of trying to do this job to the best of my abilities, and quite frankly, you’ve made it very difficult,” she continued. “If I had been given materials in enough time, I would have been able to design, to design a little bit better…when it comes down to it, the publications being sent out late were not of my fault. I want that to be clear. It was not my fault.”

hr, termination, fired, lost job, employment, zoom meeting, A notice of termination.via Canva/Photos

After Karson roasted her boss about not being supportive and emailing her at 11 p.m. the night before being terminated, Julie’s response was curt: “Thank you for the feedback.” Karson then criticized the team’s leadership for lacking the strengths to make a quality magazine and ended the call with a final kiss-off to her boss.

“Sincerely, Julie, I hope you take this as a growth opportunity because every step of this since starting, my biggest frustration was working with you. And I want that to be known,” she said, noting that she never received any feedback until she was terminated. “It’s been lovely working with you, Kendall. I cannot say the same for you, Julie. Have a great day.”

“They were so ill-prepared for this call," one of the commenters wrote. “This feels like being fired by three high school freshmen.” After the video went viral, Karson made a follow-up where she shared how things turned out after losing her job.

Shortly after being terminated, she found a job at an ad agency where she worked for about six months, but unfortunately, after a brief time of optimism, she began to experience some serious burnout. “I hit some really intense burnout while there,” she recalled. “I realized I wanted a different set of priorities in life.” After that, she got a job as a shopkeeper at a store called Johnny and June, where the owners support her in trying to find her next chapter in life.

“They've given me such a beautiful and safe space to really focus on my mental health. To take a step back and reevaluate what I wanna do in my career,” she said. “I just feel so much more fulfilled and happy.”

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employment

Jon Batiste shares a beautiful story about the 'healing properties' of art

During his wife Suleika Jaouad's chemotherapy, Batiste created sweet lullabies to help her feel less alone.

Under or over? There actually is a 'right' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

The debate is settled, once and for all.

What is the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper?

Psychologists discover the 'key' element that helps your brain stay sharp in old age

It took 10 years to get the answer.

Why is it so important to have a sense of purpose?

What is a sense of purpose?

How do I find my life’s purpose?

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

Man stuns his friends by calling to tell them goodnight, setting off a wholesome bro trend

"This trend is gonna heal the male loneliness epidemic."

Woman records Zoom video of getting fired, and it's a stunning example of self-advocacy

“This feels like being fired by three high school freshmen.”

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‘Quiet cracking’: The silent crisis impacting half of all workers

We have a small favor to ask of you

Jon Batiste shares a beautiful story about the 'healing properties' of art

During his wife Suleika Jaouad's chemotherapy, Batiste created sweet lullabies to help her feel less alone.

The debate is settled, once and for all.

What is the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper?

It took 10 years to get the answer.

Why is it so important to have a sense of purpose?

What is a sense of purpose?

How do I find my life’s purpose?

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

"This trend is gonna heal the male loneliness epidemic."

“This feels like being fired by three high school freshmen.”