upworthy
Science

17 tips to avoid getting hacked that you might have forgotten—or never even knew

A few lessons from IT professionals about securing your personal data.

identity theft, getting hacked, hackers, computer protection
Canva

There are unsavory people interested in your information.

True
Mozilla

In 2009, Scott McGready stumbled on a massive phishing scam targeting his company's email server.

Thousands of emails bombarded the company in a short period of time. They all came from the same source, pretending to be someone or something they weren't in order to lure people into clicking on shady links and giving up their personal data.

"While investigating it, I stumbled upon the phisher's database which had [the] personal data of thousands of people," McGready says. "I was surprised how little effort was required on the fraudster's part to acquire such a trove of information."


This discovery sparked McGready's interest in information security and teaching others how to protect themselves from fraud. Since then, this journey has taken him from the U.K.'s National Trading Standards department to the documentary series "Secrets of the Scammers" to his own company and beyond.

Here are just a few lessons from McGready — and some other IT professionals — about securing your personal data:

data hacking, browsing, protection, financial

Is your information protected online?

Stomchak/Wikimedia Commons

1. Know there is a LOT of data about you online.

"Having data readily available online means that things like phishing emails can be automatically tailored to targets without much effort," McGready says.

But what does "data" really mean in this case? Um. Er. Pretty much everything. Even if we don't realize it. Something as simple as your basic browsing habits and location history can actually reveal a lot about you. Even if your name's not attached to it, a savvy social hacker could still figure something out.

2. Be aware that your friends may expose info about you — even if you're not on social media.

"We tend to share every detail of our lives on social media because we feel obliged to by peer pressure — whether that be adding your birthday to your Facebook profile because the website keeps asking for it," McGready says. But it's worse when your friend tags you in that photo from high school with your school mascot in the background and — oops. There goes another security question.

social media, data leak, Facebook, friends

Things don't always go as planned with technology.

Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

3. Pay attention so you can mitigate the risks (though probably not completely avoid them).

McGready recommends keeping your social media profiles as private as possible and asking your friends and family to do the same. "Even those that intentionally aren't on social media may be easily findable by their friends or family that share the 'dinner table selfie.'"

4. It's better to be proactive than wait until you're compromised.

"We hear about data leaks almost every week, it seems," McGready says. "The general public are no longer asking 'if' their data is compromised, but rather 'when.'"

This might sound scary. But it's also a good reminder to stay sharp.

public, risk, education, accounts

Do you know everyone that's using your computer?

Image via Pixabay.

5. Check the Facebook apps and third-party services that might have access to your account.

"It's worth checking what data you share with specific companies and only giving out the bare minimum in case of a data breach in the future," McGready explains.

For example: Does Bejeweled Blitz really need permission to access everything you've ever put on Facebook, to post on your behalf, and to spam your friends and family? It's not just annoying — it puts you at risk if that information leaks.

6. Take some time to get rid of those old accounts.

A clever hacker might still be able to figure out something through your iwasdefinitelyacool15yearold@aol.com email address. "Many of us, myself included, also have a large number of 'dormant accounts' on websites that we no longer use," McGready says. "I'd fully recommend logging into these accounts and changing all the profile information before deleting the account."

science, history, websites, companies

It's important to know what accounts are open in your name.

Photo from Daderot/Wikimedia Commons.

7. Don't feel bad if it happens to you. Even IT professionals fall for it!

Georgia Bullen, technology projects director for New America's Open Technology Institute, recounts how she was hacked:

"My password wasn't secure enough and so someone had built a program that was logging into not-secure-enough accounts and then spamming."

What she felt at the time is all too familiar for anyone who's been hacked: "Embarrassed, confused, and then really worried that someone else was going to click on something from me."

8. Be smart, pay attention, and know what you're getting into with any website or service you sign up for.

This bears repeating because a little awareness can make a big difference.

security, passwords, service, defense

What type of security for your accounts do you have?

Photo by Marcello Casal Jr/ABr/Wikimedia Commons.

9. Have a solid P@$w0rds plan.

Passwords are the Achilles' heel of the modern world — but there's a trick.

"It's totally possible [for hackers] to take one password, see where you've re-used it, and then get access to those accounts as well. And that's where the bigger danger happens," explains Harlo Holmes from the Freedom of the Press Foundation.

That's why, in general, passwords should be different for every website or service used, and consist of three random words, interspersed with special characters; a DiceWare password like "correct horse battery staple" is a good place to start.

Password managers can help out by creating unique passwords for you. Which leads to...

10. Use a password manager.

Password managers can generate strong, random passwords for you. And they keep track of all of your different passwords so you don't need to memorize them yourself.

All you need to do is remember one super-secure master password in order to unlock every other possible password combination. That way, says Bullen, you can't even make the mistake of verbally giving your password away because you genuinely don't know it yourself! (Unless it's your master password, in which case, ya know, don't do that.)

11. Set up two-factor authentication (2FA) for added security.

Safety is good, but a back-up plan is even better. 2FA sends a code to a device on your person just to make sure that the person logging in is really you. Even if your password does get compromised, the hacker probably doesn't have access to your smartphone, too. (Probably.)

Mozilla's Amira Dhalla explains how it works:

12. Consider using a separate email address — with a separate strong password — for important accounts like banking.

That way, even if you do use the same password elsewhere, hackers will have a harder time getting in to your important accounts. (Make sure this secondary email account has two-factor authentication, too!)

13. Be sure to hover over links before you click them.

"Links may look legitimate, but upon hovering, they actually redirect to a completely different place," McGready says. (Don't believe me? See what happens when you click on www.upworthy.com/definitely-not-an-upworthy-page.)

14. Always double-check the URL in the address bar. (But even that's not always safe.)

Ever notice that green padlock in your browser bar? It's a good sign! ... except when it's not. As McGready explains, "While it's true that this means your data is encrypted between your computer and the website itself, it doesn't legitimize the website."

routers, world wide web, computers, Wi-Fi

Using default passwords on the computer router can leave you vulnerable..

Photo by Michael Geiger on Unsplash

15. Secure your router.

It may seem harmless to use the default password for your router, but that can actually leave you vulnerable to hackers (there are even websites that can be used to find out different routers' default settings). And someone accessing your router can access pretty much your entire home network. So it's worth taking that small extra step of setting up a strong user name and password.

16. Be wary: These days, the internet is in everything from lightbulbs to baby diapers. Which is super cool! And bad.

McGready sees "the internet of things," or IoT, as the biggest online threat on the horizon. Even if you have worried about Amazon spying on you, you probably didn't consider who else could be spying on you through a vulnerable Wi-Fi or Bluetooth system built into your smart home. "The issue comes when these wireless chips are integrated by default on all products, whether the customer wants them or not," McGready explains.

17. Exercise a little extra caution.

It all boils down to the fact that humans are too trusting.

We trust that our friends aren't going to expose our address over Twitter. We trust that some disgruntled Angry Birds employee won't hijack our linked Facebook page because we didn't pay attention to permissions. We trust the green padlock in the browser bar that keeps our credit cards secure, even if the website taking that information wants to use it for a shady purpose.

Simply put, we trust that the internet is mostly good and that people are, too.

It's hard to solve a problem you can't see — which is why McGready is so passionate about teaching online safety.

"Show the public exactly what is possible and what they should be watching out for," McGready says. "It's one thing to tell someone that a scammer can send a text which appears to be from a legitimate company or a known person; it's another thing entirely to send a text to that person's phone which comes from 'Mum.'"

There's no "one weird trick" to protect us from the dangers of technology. But we can do our due diligence — as long as we know where to start.

This article originally appeared on 06.19.17

Justice

Walking Alongside Martu: A journey with one of the world’s oldest living cultures

Pura’s inaugural impact collection honors both sacred traditions and sustainable futures.

James Roh
True

In a world driven by speed, efficiency, and immediate results, it’s easy to forget that lasting change is built on trust. Real impact doesn’t come from rushing toward an end goal or measuring success through lofty metrics. It comes from falling in love with the problem, building a community around it, and sharing a vision for lasting transformation.

Pura, the smart home fragrance company that marries premium fragrance with innovative technology, recently launched its inaugural impact collection with K Farmer Dutjahn Foundation (KFDF) and Dutjahn Sandalwood Oils (DSO). The Pura x Dutjahn partnership began with a clear purpose: to source a sacred ingredient directly from its origin while honoring the land and the people who’ve cared for it. Our goal wasn’t simply to find sandalwood — it was to find a community and an ingredient that embody exceptional land stewardship, ethical harvesting, and transformative, community-led impact. After careful research and over three years of development, we saw an opportunity to secure a premium, luxurious ingredient while supporting a regenerative supply chain that invests in Indigenous-led education, economic opportunity, and land stewardship.

James Roh

Over the past several years, we’ve walked alongside Martu, an Indigenous tribe from the vast Western Australian desert. Martu are one of the oldest living cultures in the world, with a history spanning 60,000 years. As nomadic hunter-gatherers, they have unparalleled ecological knowledge, passed down through generations, making them the traditional custodians of the land. Their approach to sandalwood harvesting isn’t driven by market demand but by a deep respect for seasonal rhythms, land health, and cultural law. Their work adapts to the environment—whether it’s “sorry time,” when mourning pauses activities, or the harsh desert conditions that make travel and communication difficult. Martu operate on Martu time, a deliberate rhythm shaped by millennia of experience, far removed from the rapid-swipe, hyper-productive pace of Western systems.

Martu’s ecological knowledge isn’t documented in baseline reports. It’s lived, carried in stories, and practiced with rigor and respect for the changing needs of the ecosystems. True partnership means unlearning the typical approach. It means standing beside—not in front—and recognizing that the wisdom and leadership we need already exist within these communities. Our role isn’t to define the work, but to support it, protect it, and learn from it.

James Roh

Tonight, as I spoke with Chairman Clinton Farmer and the KFDF team about our focus for this piece, I learned that Clinton’s truck had broken down (again), leaving him to “limp” back to town from the desert at low speeds for hours and hours. He had been awake since 3:00 a.m. This is a common and costly setback, one that disrupts the harvest, demands days of driving, and brings real financial and emotional strain. These barriers are relentless and persistent, part of the harsh reality Clinton and his community face daily. It's easy for outsiders, detached from the reality on the ground, to impose rules, regulations, and demands from afar. Rather than continuing to impose, we need to truly partner with communities — equipping them with the resources to operate sustainably, avoid burnout, and protect the very land they love and care for. All while they endeavor to share these incredible, sacred ingredients with the world and build an economic engine for their people.

There is much to learn, but we are here to listen, adapt, and stay the course. The future we need will not be built in quarterly cycles. It will be built in trust, over time, together.

To learn more about the partnership and fragrances, visit Pura x Dutjahn.

Health

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals

“I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself.”

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals.

TikTok's latest viral wisdom is backed by hard data—and it's making people rethink their communication habits. We live in a world of chronic oversharing. We post everything, from the routes we run (including screenshots as proof of all that hard work), to the pale-green iced matcha latte sitting at our desks or a present from a boyfriend (who will be tagged prominently, not secretly off screen). Who knows when, but our brains became wired for sharing: to record, to curate, and to post every second of our lives, then consume that of others to a disturbing degree. So, here's a radical idea: when it comes to goals and plans, try keeping them to yourself. It could be the key to making them a reality.

That's the message behind TikTok's massively popular "Move in Silence" trend, where creators like @noemoneyyy have cracked the contradictory code to success: Instead of broadcasting every big idea or project that runs through your head, if you actually want it to come to fruition, keep your plans to yourself until they're executed. And it's not just a trend; surprisingly, science also supports this muted approach.


"As a former oversharer who used to tell every single friend, every single family member, or a partner everything I was doing, I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself," explains creator @noemoneyyy in a video that's garnered millions of views.

On a different video by @mandanazarfhami, she says, “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your life: that dream job, that city that you want to move to, that dream person, that dream life, that dream anything. Literally keep it to yourself until it’s done.”

Commentors were quick to agree, with one person writing: “From a young age, I never told anyone my next steps. I also taught my husband and son to keep our private matters to themselves and just do things 💯Not many people like it, but who cares🌝🙌🏼🫶🏼”

Another chimed in, “This concept has changed my life for the better.” Others replied, “100 agree 💕” and “100%🙌🏼people can’t ruin what is silent, show results.”


@mandanazarghami monitoring spirits are a real thing - move in silence and watch how much your life changes #fypシ ♬ Jacob and the Stone - Emile Mosseri


What's going on here

In a study done by New York University, researchers found that people who kept their goals private worked on tasks for an average of 45 minutes, compared to the 33 minutes of work completed by those who announced their plans in advance. The twist? The people who shared their goals expressed feeling closer to finishing, despite doing approximately 25% less work.

NYU psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, who led the research, concluded that "once you've told other people your intentions, it gives you a 'premature sense of completeness.'" He also found that the brain is made up of "identity symbols," which create one's self-image. Interestingly, both action and talking about action create symbols in your brain, so simply speaking about a future plan or something you want to do satisfies that part of your brain. When we make our goals public, especially ones that matter to us and deal with our identity, our ability to achieve said goal is significantly reduced. As the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words."

Stranger still, in his paper "Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap," Gollwitzer notes that in order for this phenomenon to happen, one must truly care about their goals. "Ironically, this effect was only found for participants who are very committed to their goal!" PsychologyToday notes. "The lesson learned is that the more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be about them."

Quiet, silence, peace, shhh, no speaking, secret The more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be. Photo credit: Canva

Another reason to keep quiet: If you're a beginner trying something new, sharing your plans could potentially open you up to criticism and negative feedback, which could deter you from even starting. At the University of Chicago, professor Ayelet Fishbach conducted studies to determine how positive and negative feedback affects the pursuit of one's goal. According to Atlassian, she and her team found:

  • When positive feedback signals commitment to a goal, it increases motivation.
  • When positive feedback signals progress, it actually decreases motivation.
"One example the researchers give is a math student who gets a good grade on a test. If she perceives it to mean she likes math, she will study harder. If, however, she sees the high score as a sign she is making progress in the class, she may ease up and study less." - Atlassian


@_alliechen I used to be such an open book but now im a lot more reserved on my goals and plans so ppl dont judge #moveinsilence #relateablecontent #girlies #viral #success ♬ suara asli - astrooo🪐

We've all been there: excitedly telling everyone about your grand plans to backpack through Europe, the year you'll finally learn Spanish, or joining the group lesson at the tennis courts you always pass by… only to mysteriously lose all motivation a week later. Turns out, those lovely dopamine bursts that accompany every enthusiastic "That sounds great!" or "You should totally do it!" response might be precisely what's holding you back.

The good news? You don't need to become closed-off and secretive, a hermit on the top of a mountain who's afraid to share any part of themselves with the world. Research suggests that sharing your goals with one or two selected friends who can be trusted to provide meaningful support is still a good idea. Just hold off on the Instagram Live announcement until you've actually accomplished something substantial.

So, the next time you sit down to write your goals, whether they be a new year's resolution, the day's to-do list, or a five-year plan, think twice about sharing it with others. Give it time and you might have something better to share soon: the results.

DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

Dad photoshops daughter's lost stuffed T-Rex toy to buy himself time.

There are few things worse than a lost beloved stuffed animal. The loss is not only tough on kids, but on adults too (to figure out a solution). But one dad turned tragedy into something positive when his four-year-old daughter lost her stuffed toy T-Rex dinosaur.

He shared on social media his hilarious solution with other parents. Instead of delivering the bad news to his daughter that her T-Rex was gone forever, he created an elaborate story–explaining that her T-Rex had gone on a long vacation, and would be arriving home soon.

"My 4 year old daughter lost her stuffed T-rex on vacation. To buy time until I could get a new one, I told her that he said he wanted more time to enjoy himself," he wrote. "Every day I would edit him into one of my vacation photos and e-mail it to myself and show it to her as 'proof' of his extended vacation."

t-rex, t-rex toy, vacation, photshop, dadDad photoshops daughter's lost T-Rex toy into vacation photos.DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

He added that his daughter lost the T-Rex while in Bruges, Belgium. "We started our vacation in Bruges and noticed when we got to Amsterdam that he was gone. I e-mailed the hotel we stayed at multiple times but they never e-mailed me back," he shared.

But it all ended up working out okay in the end. "When I finally got a new one, I put him on the front porch with some Belgian chocolate he got her and a new friend that he met. I then rang the doorbell from my phone and told her to check whether it was Sparkly Rex," he shared.

t-rex, t-rex toy, vacation, photshop, dadDad photoshops daughter's lost T-Rex toy into vacation photos to buy himself time.DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

A fellow parent commented, "This is so wholesome! I bet she'll remember this moment forever, you seem like a wonderful dad!" And he replied, "Thank you! I hope she remembers it, too. I got some nice photos and a video of her answering the door so at least I'll always have it if her memory fades."

Another parent added, "GREAT JOB!!!!! Making a hard issue into an adventure. Great parenting. Keep up the good work. Your child is lucky to have you." And he responded, "Thank you! I appreciate it! She's the boss of the house, need to keep her happy."

first class, t-rex, lost toy, vacation, parenting storyDad photoshops daughter's lost T-Rex flying first class.DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

Other parents opened up about their stories with lost stuffed animals. One parent wrote, "My son lost his favorite irreplaceable stuffie when we stayed at a swanky hotel one time. Simply disappeared overnight and we concluded he got sent to the laundry. I begged and pleaded to be let down into the laundry to look but they refused. I drew a reward poster featuring the stuffie and we asked them to post it in all the housekeeping spaces. The whole plane ride home my son asked me what percent chance would his stuffie get sent back (very math oriented from early age) and endless discussions of his possible fate. I settled on 20-30%. A week later, the beloved stuffie appeared, overnighted in a Fed Ex envelope. My son was so so happy and I was thrilled and impressed. That stuffie never traveled with us again!! And I will forever be grateful and loyal to that hotel."

Another parent shared, "Many years ago I accidentally left my challenged daughter’s stuffed animal, (Meeko the raccoon from Pocahontas), on top of my car while leaving a restaurant. She cried for days worried that something had happened to him. Meeko was very well loved. He was missing an eye, his tongue, and had a torn ear. But Meeko was always sleeping next to my daughter every night when she went to bed. We stalled for time by telling her Meeko wanted to take a vacation and would be back soon. The whole time I scoured every toy and department store in nearby areas looking for a new one to no avail. Finally found one on eBay and tripled the high bid to make sure I got him . When he finally showed up he was greeted with many, many loving hugs! My daughter scolded Meeko for running away and grounded him for ever. Years later, when my daughter passed away, they were cremated together so they would never be apart."

The Starkeys' epic dance battle.

It may be hard to remember now, but back in March of 2020, the world underwent a startling shift. People were asked to stay at home to keep the virus from spreading out of control. We made masks. We sanitized our groceries. Concern and uncertainty permeated our daily existence as news reports of outbreaks and full ICUs became more and more prevalent. Words like "lockdown" and "quarantine" and "super-spreader" and "PPE" became part of our collective vernacular.

That was a difficult time, but as humans do, we tried to make the most of it. Being stuck at home meant more time with our families. Not being able to go out to a show or concert or get together with friends meant all of our entertainment had to happen in our houses. That's how one dad-daughter duo ended up with a viral dance battle that hit the internet at just the right time.

Season 3 Dancing GIF by Party DownGiphy

Chris Starkey posted a video to Facebook on March 23, 2020, of himself and his daughter Brooklyn doing a dance-off to Flo Rida's "Low"—and it's unexpectedly awesome. Starkey wrote, "My daughter challenged me to a dance off and said I don't have it anymore. See that closet in the back she is still crying in it!!!" So much silly shade thrown around in this family, it's delightful.

When you see their fun banter and Starkey's middle-aged-man moves, you'll see why the video was shared more than 280,000 times in two days and has racked up over 14 million views since. Starkey wrote in a comment that the reaction brought tears to his eyes and encouraged everyone to "Give back to your community." This kind of levity and sense of community was definitely needed in that moment, but it still delights even now.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

People greatly appreciated getting dose of unbridled joy.

"Thank you guys soooo much i am crying right now because it felt so good to laugh and smile....thank you sooo much!!!!!" wrote on commenter.

"This seriously made my day," wrote another.

Starkey asked people to vote for who they think won the battle, and the results were split, though Dad had a whole lot of fans rooting for him.

"Dad gets my vote!!!"

"Dad!!! winner winner chicken dinner."

music video happy dance GIF by Apple MusicGiphy

"DAD totally wins!!"

"You still got it dude!"

"Truth be told I had the sound off, but would have to say DAD wins this one strictly due to facial expressions. Both dancers were equally as good in my eyes. On a side note, quarantine looks like it isn't so bad when you have a HOUSE instead of a TINY NYC ONE-BEDROOM."

"Daddy’s got the moves!!! Great job having fun together!!!""

Since 2020, life hasn't exactly gone back to the way it was, but normalcy has returned to most of our day-to-day lives. For Starkey, life has added a grandbaby, but if you think Dance Dad wasn't going to become Dance Grandad, you couldn't be more wrong.

Check this out—the old man's still got it:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Families that can have fun and laugh together are a gift. Here's to the dads, daughters, grandpas, uncles, aunts, and everyone else who don't take themselves too seriously and aren't afraid to let loose to bring a little unexpected joy to themselves and others.

You can follow Dance Dad TV on YouTube and find more from Chris Starkey on his website.

This article originally appeared five years ago. It has been updated.

May we all have a better half like this.

Supporting a partner with anxiety involves understanding, validation, encouragement, and sometimes…building them their own special timeout spot where they can actually relax.

That was certainly the case for one man who wanted to help his fiancée feel a bit better while dealing with the final week of wedding planning. (Let’s be honest, weddings are stressful for just about any bride, but for those of us with anxiety, it can be a mental health nightmare.)

In a TikTok that's since reached almost 1 million views, we see Ryan Erkins give said bride, Debra Reisinger, the rundown on her gift—an "anxiety chair” inspired by Inside Out 2.

anxiety, anxiety tips, anxiety chair, husbands, green flags, red flags, marriage, partner with anxiety, support someone with anxietymedia4.giphy.com

As any Disneyphile would know, this Pixar sequel featured Anxiety as a new character, and at one pivotal part of the movie, the other emotions have to calm her panic attack by sitting her down in a chair with a cup of soothing tea.

Using an Inside Out poster as a reference, Erkins tells Reisinger, “Whenever you start to feel here, it's becoming too much.”

“I need you to come sit in here, light the candle with a drink, it’s your favorite color rose, and just relax for like 10 minutes…You aren’t allowed to leave until the timer’s up,” he continues, using the right amount of bossiness that’s honestly so needed during a time of chaos. Even when Reisinger asks, “Can I have my phone?” Erkins firmly says, “Nope, cause all you’re gonna do on your phone is look at stuff. You can turn the TV on.”

@debrareisinger He reminds me often why he’s my better half. Entering our final week of wedding planning, he pulls this out. ❤️🥲 @Coach Ryan Erkins #anxiety #insideout #fiance #weddingplanning #ringcamera #cincinnati #bestpartnerever ♬ original sound - Debra Leann


Seriously, the Disneyness, the wholehearted support, the sass—what’s not to love about this?

Down in the comments, people agreed this "polite timeout” was peak "green flag behaviour," especially by those who also deal with anxiety.

“To be loved, is to been seen.”

“As a woman with panic attack, this is the SWEETEST gesture 🥺.”

“Respectfully, also in love with your husband now.”

"Caring and a lil bossy ⭐⭐⭐⭐"

“Set a timer for 8 minutes. He said imma regular you if you can’t do it yourself love this!!!"

Many also noted the similarities of this approach to gentle parenting, which still provides firm boundaries while ultimately prioritizing compassion. Basically, it works for adults too.

“I’m all for gentle marriage," one viewer quipped.

Of course, everyone is ultimately responsible for their own emotional regulation, but having a partner, a friend, or a family member to help us through the more challenging times can really make all the difference. Sounds like Erkins easily understands this concept.

By the way, it looks like all that wedding stress didn’t mar the big day:

Here’s to a life full of love, laughter, and timeouts in the anxiety chair for these two.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

You know that feeling you get when you walk into a classroom and see someone else's stuff on your desk? OK, sure, there are no assigned seats, but you've been sitting at the same desk since the first day and everyone knows it. So why does the guy who sits next to you put his phone, his book, his charger, his lunch, and his laptop in the space that's rightfully yours? It's annoying.

All you want to do was walk in, sit down, get out your notebook and (try to) pay attention. But now? Now you've got to talk to a stranger about moving their stuff and there goes your day, already bogged down with petty annoyances. Sound familiar?

classroom, desk, classmates, claiming a seatEven when there's no assigned seat, everyone knows where they usually sit.Photo credit: Canva

We've all got so much to do these days that interacting with people we see every day — not our friends, but our classmates, fellow commuters, co-workers, the people in line for coffee with us every day — can feel like a burden. So, when these people do something we perceive as annoying, like putting their stuff on our desks, we don't have the time or the energy to assume their intentions or think about the lives they're leading.

But if we stepped out of ourselves for a second, we might just realize that we're all much more connected than we think, that our preconceived notions of others are usually just that — preconceived. And, often, inaccurate.

That's why this X story about a guy who learned an important life lesson from a classmate he was frustrated with has resonated with thousands. It's the perfect example of that "don't judge a book by its cover" adage we should have all learned in preschool but sometimes forget. And it starts the exact same way as this post — with a college student groaning on the inside as he sees someone's stuff on his desk.

Thomas McFall (@thomas___mcfall) wrote:

"So in one of my Management classes I sit in the same seat in the front every day. Every single day I sit there. Now, I also sit next to some foreign guy that barely speaks English. The most advanced thing I've heard this guy say in English is 'Wow, my muffin is really good.'

This guy also has a habit of stacking every item he owns in the exact space I sit. His bag, his food, his books, and his phone are ALWAYS right on my desk space.

Now, every single time I walk into class this guy says 'Ah, Tom. You here. Okay.' And starts frantically clearing my desk of his belongings. He then makes it a habit to say 'Ready for class, yeah?' And gives me a high five. Every day this guy gives me a high five.

I was ALWAYS annoyed with this guy. I'm thinking 'Dude, you know I sit in this seat every day. Why are you always stacking your shit here? And the last thing I want to do is give a guy who barely speaks my language high fives at 8 in the morning.' Just get your shit off my desk.

But today I came to class and was running a few minutes late. I'm standing outside because I had to send a quick text. I could see my usual space through the door out of the corner of my eye. Of course, my desk was filled with his belongings. The usual.

As I'm standing there on my phone another guy who was also late walks into the class before me and tried to take my seat since it's closest to the door. The guy sitting next to me stops this dude from sitting down and says 'I'm sorry. My good friend Thomas sits here.'

It was then that I realized this guy wasn't putting stuff on my seat to annoy me. He was saving me the seat every morning. And this whole time he saw me as a friend but I was too busy thinking about myself to take him into consideration. Cheesy as it sounds, I was touched.

I ended up going into class and of course he cleared the seat and said 'Ah, Tom. You here. Okay.' And I did get a high five. At the end of class I ended up asking him if he wanted to get a bite to eat with me. We did. And we talked for a while. I got through the broken English.

The guy moved here from the Middle East to pursue a college education in America. He plans to go back after he gets his degree. He's got two kids and a wife. He works full time and sends his all his left over money back home to his wife.

I asked him how he liked America as well. He said he misses his family but it's exciting to be here. He also said 'Not every American is nice to me like you are, Tom.' I bought lunch, of course. Dude deserves it. He gave me a high five for buying lunch. Gotta keep up tradition.

Moral of the story? Don't do what I do and constantly only think about yourself. It took me nearly the entire semester to get my head out of my ass and realize this guy was just trying to be my friend. Better late than never I suppose."

If not for this one day running late, McFall may have never realized what his classmate was trying to do. And he may have continued to think of him as annoying, maybe telling others about "the weird guy who was always trying to take up my space"... when all the guy was really trying to do was be kind. We all misinterpret the actions of others sometimes. It's easy to do that!

But if there's one thing this story reminds us, it's that it's important to stop and remember that while you're living your life, other people are living theirs, so assuming best intentions can do us a great favor. That's why we should step outside of our bubbles and engage with the world on a regular basis. You could make a new friend. You might brighten someone's day.

But most importantly, getting out of your own head, checking your own biases, and giving others the benefit of the doubt will make you a more compassionate person. You don't have to engage with everyone you meet, but the next time someone smiles and offers you a high-five? Maybe just take them up on it.

This article was originally published seven years ago.