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Joy

What it's like for a man to share his feelings every day for a week.

For a week, I decided that when strangers asked how I was doing, I'd actually tell them. Here's what happened.

masculinity
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Men can learn how to share what they're feeling.

We all know that phrases like “How's it going?” and “How are you?” are mostly pleasantries.

It's just how we say "Hello." You're not expected to answer any more than the person asking is expected to care.

But every once in a while, someone will surprise you. You'll toss out a casual and totally insincere “How are you?” and the floodgates will open out of nowhere. “I've had the WORST DAY,” they'll say.


I've always secretly envied people who can open up on a whim like that. It seems weirdly fun. And there might be a lot of psychological benefits to it.

So I tried it. For a week, I decided that when strangers asked how I was doing, I'd actually tell them.

But before I could start, a pretty important question occurred to me: Would I even know what to say? After all, I am a dude, and everyone knows dudes aren't always super in touch with how we're feeling.

Ronald Levant, a professor of counseling psychology at Akron University, told me a story about a man he once treated early in his career that sums up this whole thing pretty nicely:

“[He] came in complaining about how his son had stood him up for a father son hockey game. Being relatively naive back then, I said, 'So, how did you feel about that?' His answer was 'Well, he shouldn't have done it!' I said again, 'Yeah, he shouldn't have done it, but how did you feel?'
“He just looked at me blankly.”

Levant recalled similar sessions where women, by contrast, were able to walk him — in detail — through their emotional reaction to a situation: how anger turned to disappointment turned to worry, and so on.

“Among the men I was treating or working with there was a singular inability for many of them to put their emotions into words,” Levant said.

As part of my project, I wanted to test Levant's theory, to see what it would be like to, you know, actually try to express my feelings. As the king of non-answers, deflection, and “I'm fine, how are you?” I wanted to know what it would be like to talk about me.

It turned out to be much less simple than I thought.

grocery, enthusiastic conversation, strangers

Getting engaged and talking with other people throughout the day.

Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash

Day One

I was on my way to my daughter's daycare to drop off more diapers, and I was trying to think about how I felt at that specific moment. It was a beautiful sunny day. There was a guy on the sidewalk walking three huge, puffy dogs. It made me laugh.The day had been a bit of a rollercoaster. My 1-year-old daughter woke up all smiles. But by the end of breakfast, she had collapsed into an inconsolable heap of tears, and that was how she left the house that day: wailing in the backseat of my wife's car. When I arrived at daycare, though, she ran to me and leapt into my arms. She laid her head on my chest and giggled as she stared into my eyes. It was a total turnaround and a wonderful midday boost to my mood.

On my way home, I stopped off at a grocery store to grab an energy drink and, potentially, to share this happy moment with a stranger.

I chose the line manned by a fast-talking, bubbly woman. And when I got to the front, she teed me up perfectly with a sincere: “How are you?”

“Hey, I'm good!” I said enthusiastically. In the next instant, though, she was onto other things. “Ma'am?” she yelled to a wandering woman behind me. “I can ring you up over here.”

Her attention swung back to me, but almost immediately, she was telling me my total. “That'll be $2.03.”

The transaction moved at hyper-speed. The moment was gone. As I shuffled for my wallet, I considered just blurting it out anyway, “I just visited my daughter at daycare and she was so happy to see me and it was the freaking best!”

But a voice popped up in my head, and I couldn’t shake it: She's not going to care. Why would she care?

So I said nothing, paid, and went home.

To understand why men and women often handle feelings differently, we have to look at society first.

I can't help but think my wife would have had no trouble talking to the woman in the store. Why is it harder for me then? Are we wired differently? Is it a brain thing? A hormone thing?

Apparently, in the 1980s and '90s, researchers had something of a breakthrough on this question. They became “stimulated by this idea that gender was something that was socially determined,” Levant explained. He noted that boys were being socialized differently than girls were, and it was making a big difference for them down the road.

In a TEDx Talk called “Unmasking Masculinity” Ryan McKelley, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin La Crosse, echoed similar findings from his research.

First, he learned that infant and young boys surprisingly displayed more intensity and range of emotion than their female counterparts. “But that story starts to change over time,” he said.

Second, he looked at a series of studies polling men and women in America, which asked people to generate a list of emotions that are “culturally acceptable” for each sex. While the study found that women felt “allowed” to display nearly the entire emotional spectrum, men seemed to be limited to three primary feelings: anger, contempt, and pride.

But despite all these cultural “requirements” about emotion, it turns out that our brains aren't processing things all that differently. McKelley says if you hook men and women up to equipment that measures things like heart rate, skin conductance, sweat, and breath rate, and then expose them to stimuli that can provoke strong emotions, “these gender differences disappear.”

“I do not deny there are biological differences,” McKelly told me in an interview. “However, the degree to which it influences all that other stuff, I believe, is overblown.”

My learning after talking to these researchers? Men DO feel feelings (yay!) but society isn’t doing us any favors when it comes to helping us learn how to express them.

Day Two

I was sitting in the sweltering parking lot outside a Home Depot when I decided I was going to do better than the day before.

I walked inside and stood in line at the customer service counter for what felt like an eternity. Finally, one of the tellers called me up. She had a shock of white curly hair and kind eyes. A grandmotherly type. “How can I help you?” she asked. Not the exact question I wanted, but we'll see where it goes. “I have some returns,” I said.

I decided I was going to do better today.

We launched right into the specifics of what I was returning and why, and it was looking like I was about to strike out again. The transaction took a while so there was ample space to fill. Since she hadn’t asked me about my day, I took the initiative while she tapped impatient fingers along her computer waiting for it to load.

“How's your day going so far?” I asked. She went on to tell me about how a big storm that rolled through nearly knocked out the store's power and how the computers had been acting up ever since. “My day was going great until this!” she said playfully.

In my eagerness to share, I'd accidentally stumbled into a pretty pleasant conversation with a stranger. OK, so it was about computers and the weather, but it sure beats an awkward silence. She never did ask me how I was doing, and that's OK.

But it did make me realize that talking about your own feelings is pretty damn hard, even when you're going out of your way to try.

rainy day, gray, feeling depressed, shame

A rainy day affects the human experience and emotional state.

Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash

Day Three

Day three was tough. Outside it was gray and dreary and inside I felt about the same. Flat. Gray.

I was having trouble identifying the root of why I felt so, for lack of a better word, “blah,” so I Googled “how to find out what you're feeling,” like I was some sort of robot trying to understand the human experience. “Pay attention to your physiology,” one article said. I felt totally normal and my heart rate was an unremarkable 80. What does that mean?

“Don't think about it too much,” another article said. Well, shit.

As I read on about meditation and mindfulness and things of that sort, I started to get a little nervous. “What if I get too in touch with my emotions?” There's something comforting about being a reasonably even-keeled guy without a lot of emotional highs and lows. I don't want to go digging in the darkest recesses of my subconscious and unlock some terrible shit.

Apparently a lot of men feel like this.

McKelley described one man he treated who had severe anger issues and wasn't exactly open to talking about his problems: “I asked him, 'What do you find so subversive about crying?' He said, 'If I start, I'm afraid I'm going to curl up in a fetal position and never be able to stop.'”

I thought a little too much about this and decided I had to get out of the house.

I don't want to go digging in the darkest recesses of my subconscious and unlock some terrible shit.

I headed out to grab a coffee at a local establishment (OK, it was a McDonald's, but I really don't need your judgment right now). There was a young, freckle-faced girl working the counter. She was probably 19. When it was my turn, she gave me a shy “Hello.”

“How are you?” I started. “Good. How are you?” she responded, on cue.

Since I hadn’t had any major emotional breakthroughs at that point, I just ... told her the truth. “I just had to get out of the house a little bit. It's so gray and crappy today and I just needed a break. You know?”

She gave me possibly the blankest stare I had ever seen in my life. I quickly filled the silence with my order — a large iced coffee. To go.

The more I learn, the more I realize there is so much more to this whole emotions thing than just “opening up.”

By the third day, I’d learned that men definitely feel things. Lots of things. But it's what happens before those feelings bubble to the surface that accounts for the myth that dudes don’t have any emotions at all.

Think of it this way: Almost every single day, you take the same route driving home from work. And while driving is usually a conscious process that takes a lot of focus and effort, you could probably make that super-familiar drive home from work with barely any involvement from your brain at all. We sometimes call this “going on autopilot.” It’s the same way with breathing or blinking. Sure, you can control them if you want, but more often than not, they’re totally automatic.

And I've learned that it can be the same thing with suppressing emotions. For years and years, most men have been trained not to give any indication that we might be scared or lonely or nervous, and we push it down. If we do that enough, it can start to seem like we don’t feel those feelings at all.

It's what happens before those feelings bubble to the surface that accounts for the myth that dudes don't have any emotions at all.

McKelley expands on this idea in his TEDx Talk when he talks about the “male emotional funnel system.” Basically, he says all those emotions men might feel that make them vulnerable or that make them subject to judgment, or even being outcast, by their peers are transformed into anger, aggression, or silence. It's how we avoid ridicule.

It's how we survive.

But over time, not only do we lose the ability to understand our own true emotions — the emotions behind the anger or silence — but we get worse at figuring out and empathizing with what others are feeling too.

When it comes to emotional fluency, McKelley said, “it's like speaking a foreign language. If you don't use it, you lose it. It's something you have to practice.”

Day Four

When I went to bed the previous night, the country was heartbroken over the death of Alton Sterling. When I woke up, we were heartbroken over the death of Philando Castile. Two black men dead at the hands of police within 48 hours.

But as devastated as I was, life goes on — right? I had work to do and, later, errands. In fact, we needed more diapers.

But the shootings were the only thing on my mind all day.

When I reached the cashier at the Walgreens down the street from my house, a small pack of size-five Pampers clutched to my side, I saw she was a young black girl. She asked how I was doing. And I told her, with all honesty, that I was sad.

We talked briefly about the news. She'd been at work and hadn’t heard much about Philando Castile yet. We paused so I could enter my phone number for reward points. There were no tears or hugs or anything like that — after all, we were standing at the front of a Walgreens and people were starting to form a line behind me.

She asked how I was doing. And I told her, with all honesty, that I was sad.

When I left, I don't know if I felt any better. But I certainly didn’t feel worse. And talking to a real live human being about an awful tragedy felt a lot more meaningful than reading Facebook comments and Tweets.

So, on an awful, terrible, no-good day, I guess that was something.

While I worked on this project, I often wondered why all of this mattered. Do I really need to tell people what I’m feeling all the time?

And then I thought about our nation, and all the tragedies that we hear about on the news every day.

I thought about the 100 million men in America who, to varying degrees, have had their ability to empathize with the emotions of others slowly eroded over time because society tells them they cannot be vulnerable. I thought about the creep on the street chatting up a woman who clearly, visibly wants nothing to do with him. I thought about the catcallers who seem to be convinced they are paying women a compliment and are oblivious to how uncomfortable, even afraid, they're making them.

I thought of the millions of men in America being conditioned from an early age to turn fear, helplessness, loneliness, shame, and guilt into two things: anger and aggression. I thought of the 80-plus mass shootings in America since 1982 and how almost all of them were committed by men. I thought about how many of those men might have been bullied, hurt, shamed, or humiliated and, perhaps, could think of no other outlet for those feelings than the barrel of a gun.

I thought about the millions of men in America who will never harm another person, but might funnel that anger and aggression inwards through alcohol or drug abuse or worse, with three and a half times more men dying by suicide than women.

To be extremely clear: There is no excuse for hurting another person, whether through harassment, rape, abuse, or gun violence. But when we talk about providing better mental health services in our country, maybe we ought to make sure we're thinking of the next generation of otherwise healthy boys who need guidance about what to do with their emotions.

“If we're not allowed to talk about [shame], we're not allowed to express it, we're not allowed to admit we're experiencing it. And then you surround it with exposure to violence and seeing it modeled as a way to solve problems,” McKelley told me. “But women are bathed in the same violent cultural forces, so what's the difference?”

“Until we can figure out a better way socially to help boys and men navigate feelings of shame, we're going to continue to have problems.”

As bad as all the research sounds, there IS some good news.

intimacy, honesty, emotional intelligence, terrifying, men

Giving self reflection and intimacy a real shot.

Photo by Suzana Sousa on Unsplash

My best advice for how all of the men I know can figure out what their feelings are? Give it a shot.

Many of us are risk-takers. We go skydiving, wakeboarding, speedboating, or even shopping-cart-riding (full-speed into a thorn bush on a rowdy Saturday night, amiright?).

But we won’t tell our best friend that we love them.

“The irony is men repeatedly score higher than women on average in risk-taking behaviors. And yet we won't take those types of risks. Those emotional risks are terrifying for a lot of men. That’s probably the one thing at the end of the day that I suggest guys do,” McKelley said.

It might not always work out, but more often than not, he says, you'll find so many other people are feeling the same way and just waiting for someone else to say it.

“It doesn't require courage to hide behind a mask,” McKelley said in the closing minutes of his TEDx Talk. “What requires courage is being open and vulnerable no matter what the outcome.”

And as for me? I learned that talking about how I'm feeling, especially with people I don't know or trust, can be pretty hard.

Throughout the week, there were a lot of voices inside me telling me not to do it.

It'll be weird! They won't care! They're going to judge you!

And sometimes those voices were right. But as the week went along, it got a little bit easier to ignore them. And in the days since the “experiment” ended, I've found myself sharing just a little, tiny, minuscule bit more on a day-to-day basis.

What was most incredible was that I started to realize that the experts were right: This IS a skill. It’s something I can learn how to do, even as a self-described “nonemotional” guy. By taking “little risks” with my feelings, I am getting better and better at bypassing those instincts in me that want me to clam up and be the strong, stoic man.

I just hope I’ll have the courage to keep practicing.

But again, this isn't just about me. And it's probably not just about you either. It’s about the next generation of young people who will look to us (both men and women) for reassurance that men can feel, can talk about feeling, and can respond with things other than anger, aggression, or silence.

I want to leave you with a question, one I want you to really think about and answer as honestly as you possibly can. It might seem silly, but answering it could be one of the bravest things you'll ever do.

All right. Are you ready? Here it goes:

How are you?


This article originally appeared on 07.27.16

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

 the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on  Giphy  

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

A crying baby.

The names we give to our children can be very personal. They can reflect religious beliefs, family heritage, or have a special meaning attached to them, as in Grace, which means "divine favor," or Eli, which means "ascended." In the United States, people they are protected by the Constitution's First Amendment, freedom of speech, which allows us to name our babies whatever we like.

However, there have been some cases where the courts decided that a particular name is illegal, and, although it is infrequent, it has happened at least 10 times in the country. The most notable banned names are Misteri N-Word, King, Queen, Jesus Christ, III, Santa Claus, Majesty, Adolf Hitler, @, and 1069.

 court, court reporter, legal system, plaintiff, judge, baliff A court reporter taking notes.via Canva/Photos

Why are these 10 names banned in the United States?

III (Roman numerals pronounced “three”)

Thomas Boyd Ritchie III was known by many of his friends simply as III. So, he petitioned the court to have his name changed to Roman numerals. Sadly, a California court rejected the name change because it was a symbol and a number. It’s illegal for people to have numbers in their names because they can’t be entered into state name databases.

Misteri (N-word)

In the California Superior Court case Lee v. Superior Court (1992), Russell Lawrence Lee wanted to change his name to Misteri (N-word). Lee believed that the name could be used to conquer racial hatred. Unfortunately for Lee, the court denied his request, saying the name constituted “fighting words.”

@ (pronounced “at”)

The address symbol, or @, has been banned in multiple jurisdictions because, like a numeral, it cannot be input into state database records.

Jesus Christ

The name of the Christian lord and savior has been banned in several U.S. states based on claims of blasphemy and the possibility of confusion.

 jesus christ, heaven, god, divinity, holy trinity, religion Depiction of Jesus Christ in Heaven.via Canva/Photos

1069

In 1976, the North Dakota Supreme Court told high school teacher Michael Herbert Dengler that he could not change his name to “1069.” “The only way [my] identity can be expressed is 1069. The first character, 1, stands for my concept of nature which manifests itself as one individual among the various forms of life,” he noted. “I stand as a single entity amongst millions of other entities, animate and inanimate. But yet even though I am an entity unto myself, I am part of the whole of life which is one. I am one; life is one; and together we are one.”

He later moved to Minnesota and tried to change his name, but he was rejected again. Neither state allowed people to have numbers as their names.

Santa Claus

In December 1999, Robert William Handley of Ohio filed a petition to change his name to Santa Rob Claus, because he had played the Christmas character for the past 40 years, and was known as “Santa Rob” year-round. The court rejected his petition, saying it was “misleading to the children of the community.” Two years later, the Supreme Court of Utah allowed the name change.

 santa claus, santa rob, banned names, christmas, saint nick A photo of Santa Claus.via Canva/Photos

Majesty, King, Queen

In several states, naming your child after a royal title is illegal to avoid confusion with actual royalty. Does Queen Latifah know this?

Adolf Hitler

If you want to name your child Adolf Hitler, you can’t do it in Texas. After the atrocities he committed in the 1930s and ‘40s, his name has no place in the Lone Star State. However, you can be named Adolf Hitler in New Jersey. Back in 2009, there was a big hubbub when the father of Adolf Hitler Campbell wanted his child’s name written on a birthday cake, and the proprietor of the business refused.

This article originally appeared in May.

A woman in a hot car.

Cars can become unbearably hot in the summer. Even at a seemingly mild 80 degrees outside, the temperature inside can soar to a scorching 109°F within 20 minutes. According to the CDC, in just 40 minutes it can escalate to a blistering 118°F. After an hour, it can peak at a searing 123°F. And that’s just the air temperature; a dark dashboard or seat can reach a staggering 200°F.

"These objects (e.g., dashboard, steering wheel, child seat) heat the adjacent air by conduction and convection and also give off longwave radiation (red) which is very efficient at warming the air trapped inside a vehicle," the CDC explained in their report. It can take five to 10 minutes for your car to cool down on a hot day by turning on the air conditioning, which probably means you burn your buttocks and thighs on the hot seat. That’s why Hannah Fry shared an amazing hack on TikTok, demonstrating how to cool your car down in seconds using the laws of thermodynamics.

Fry is Professor of the Public Understanding of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge. She is a mathematician, a best-selling author, an award-winning science host, and the host of numerous popular podcasts and television shows.

@fryrsquared

That age-old dilemma of choosing between having a non-sweltering car or baffling a passerby because you look like a fool who doesn't know how to use a door

Fry suggests that instead of turning on the air conditioning, which she claims is “not worth it” because of the time it takes, open one of the windows on the opposite side of the door. Then, rapidly open and close the driver’s side door, so it moves back and forth like a fan.

“The reason why it works is that when you open and close the door, especially if you do it quickly, the door, as it's moving outwards, it sweeps out all of the air that's in its way, creating this sort of area of low pressure that you get here,” Fry said. “And then that sets up something called bulk flow, which is where all of the hot, sweaty, horrible air inside the car is drawn outwards.”

 hot car, hot steering wheel, hot man, sweat, summer,  A man sweating in his car.via Canva/Photos

Fry’s super practical approach to a problem everyone deals with blew many people’s minds in the comments. “If I ever catch someone in real life doing this, I’m gonna know they’ve watched this exact video,” a commenter wrote. “I will give it a go, but while opening and closing the door, scream, ‘Be gone, heat demons! BE GONE!’” another added. “Going to remember this the next time my partner farts in the car,” someone joked.

The fact that the inside air temperature in a car and the outside temperature are often drastically different, especially in the summer, serves as a crucial reminder to dog owners everywhere to never leave their pet unattended in a parked car. "Most dog owners know that you can’t leave a pet in a hot car," the American Kennel Club writes. "Temperatures can rise to dangerous levels in just minutes, putting your dog at risk of heatstroke. But what if you open a window a little bit? Does that make it safe to leave your dog in the car? The answer is simple. You should never leave a dog alone in the car, even with the windows cracked. In some states, it’s even illegal."

The following video by The Dodo explains why leaving a dog in a hot car can be deadly, even when it doesn’t feel that hot outside.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Nature

"We were robbed": Unexpected rejects from the U.S. National Park System

“If the silver discovery hadn’t happened...Lake Tahoe almost certainly would have been a national park."

Lake Tahoe was almost a national park, but politics got in the way.

You know the adage, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” Well, something similar happens out in the wild: not every natural wonder gets to become a national park. For every Yellowstone or Yosemite national park, there are dozens of equally jaw-dropping American landscapes that were denied this coveted designation—and the unparalleled federal protection that comes with it.

From Lake Tahoe’s radiant blue waters to the fossil-rich canyons of Dinosaur National Monument, there are dozens of breathtaking natural beauties across the country that are just that: natural beauties with thriving ecosystems, but not national parks. Behind each rejection, there’s always a fascinating story of politics, competing financial interests, and a constantly changing definition of what “deserves” national protection waiting in the wings.

 Lake Tahoe, national parks, blue water, natural beauty, nature Many people—including Lake Tahoe’s biggest advocate, conservationist John Muir—fought for Lake Tahoe to become a national park.Photo credit: Canva

Often called “the Jewel of the Sierra,” or “Ocean in the sky,” Lake Tahoe is a marvel. Visitors of the 2-million-year-old lake enjoy pristine snow-capped peaks, gorgeous pine trees, and the prettiest, clearest water imaginable. Mark Twain even wrote of Lake Tahoe, “I thought it must surely be the fairest picture the whole earth affords.” Naturally, many people—including Lake Tahoe’s biggest advocate, conservationist John Muir—fought for Lake Tahoe to become a national park, and multiple attempts were made from the 1880s and 1930s.

The problem? Virginia City, Nevada in 1859.

Eighteen hundred and fifty-nine was the year silver was discovered there, and as local historian David Antonucci explains, “If the silver discovery in Virginia City hadn’t happened, the course of history in Lake Tahoe would have been a lot different. It almost certainly would have been a national park."

 Skiing, lake tahoe, national park, rejection, silver If not for that darn silver....Photo credit: Canva

The resulting mining rush altered Lake Tahoe’s landscape forever, most significantly impacting the tall, ancient trees that dotted the Tahoe Basin, which were systematically chopped down to build mine shafts. Twenty years later, it was estimated that more than 33 million board feet of timber were being cut down annually. To put that into perspective, that’s the equivalent of 2,749,999 cubic feet: the amount of wood required to fill 1,150 shipping containers or 88,000 Olympic-sized pools.

Due to this massive degradation of Lake Tahoe’s precious resources, the National Park Service later concluded that the extensive tourism and land development had compromised the lake’s nature beyond repair, ruling it unsuitable for national park designation.

 judge, gavel, overruled, rejection, no Sadly, Lake Tahoe's proposals were overruled.  Giphy  

Why do places seek national park status in the first place? Lake Tahoe has no ego; the land itself does not seek fame, fortune, or glory. But there are several incentives both for the land and the surround communities that make the fight for national park status worth it. National parks enjoy certain VIP privileges, including an army of park rangers and maintenance crews provided by the federal government.

National parks, like the scenic Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Grand Canyon National Park, and Zion National Park, are protected to the highest degree possible against resource extraction, land development and other harmful practices. The are nothing short of astounding: miraculous havens for animals and native plants, flourishing wildlife habitats, and the preservation of vital cultural resources.

Then, there’s the tourism aspect: another powerful motivation for communities to support national park designation is the incredible bump in sightseers—paying visitors—that begin to arrive. National parks are tourist magnets, with Great Smoky Mountain National Park welcoming more than 12 million visitors in 2020. It’s the type of tourism that can turn a rural town into a bucket list destination and economically alter a community forever. Think of the last national park you visited and the crop of tourism-related businesses that surrounded it: lodging, restaurants, themed retail stores, guided tours, and more.

 yellowstone, national park, tourism, economy, nature  National parks are the ultimate tourism magnets. Photo credit: Canva


 car, national park, economy, money, tourism Entire economies depend on a local national park. via TravelinUSA

Sadly, Dinosaur National Monument is another destination that never enjoyed national park status and the plethora of perks that come with it. Nestled in the rugged borderlands straddling Colorado and Utah, this huge national treasure spans over 210,000 acres—that’s larger than Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park combined. The natural wonder features an unparalleled 800 paleontology sites and the Carnegie Quarry, which boasts a 150-million-year-old wall full of roughly 1,500 exposed fossilized dinosaur bones.

Dinosaur National Monument also offers astonishing views of the nighttime sky, deeming it an International Dark Sky Park (IDSP) in honor of its exceptional nocturnal environment and supreme views of the cosmos. Obviously, this archaeological beauty would be a shoo-in for national park status, right?

 dinosaur national park, rejected, natural beauty, national park, national monument Dinosaur National Monument looks like a national park, but is it?Photo credit: Canva

Unfortunately, meddling outside forces struck again: after multiple attempts, Dinosaur National Monument has not been formally rejected as a national park, but it's progress has been stalled for a long time due to local opposition. Commissioners and stakeholders in the area feared that a national park designation would jeopardize their various ranching and energy investments and blocked any attempts to elevate Dinosaur National Monument to national park status.

Becoming a national park is no walk in the park. Rules are scrupulous, community support is vital, and the power of public perception matters. In many ways, that’s a good thing: the National Park Service’s uncompromising criterion ensures precious American tax-payer money is reserved for only the most exemplary resources in the country, both natural and cultural, in a world that, increasingly, seeks to destroy them. But what of Lake Tahoe, Dinosaur National Park, Silver Falls in Oregon, or the Adirondack Mountains?

For reasons that have nothing to do with their importance, significance, or natural beauty, these landscapes lack national park designation and the protections that come with it. But that doesn’t mean they’re not worth visiting. So, the next time you’re planning a nature trip, consider adding these beauties to your list. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

This article originally appeared in May.

A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.

Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.

It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."

 Chameleon, science, reptile, adaptation, mirroring A chameleon rolls its eyes.   Giphy SWR Kindernetz 

Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."

While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."

 Sam Elliott, cowboy, southern accents Sam Elliott gives a tip of his cowboy hat.   Giphy, Sam Elliott, Grit TV  

People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'

They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."

(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)

Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."

Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"

@theweirdocoach

Anyone else? #adhdawareness #adhdinwomen #neurodivergent


Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."

And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."

This article originally appeared in May.