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body positivity

Body Image

A person recently told me I was 'too short.' I finally thought of the perfect response.

"If you're looking for a superstar, start looking down."

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A tall man and a shorter woman.

With every Facebook or Instagram ad, it can often feel like we're constantly being told that a beauty standard exists and none of are living up to it. "Drink THIS to get slimmer, eat THAT to gain muscles." It's exhausting and can truly do a number on self-esteem from an early age.

In Psychology Today's article "Words have Weight: the Many Forms of Body Shaming" author Alice E. Schluger, Ph.D. poses the question, "When was the last time you looked in the mirror and admired your reflection? We are bombarded with images of perfect bodies on TV, in magazines, and all over social media. In our weight-conscious culture, physical appearance often overrides health considerations."

But what if we could simply deny those societally-imposed "standards," and start writing a script where we (gasp) actually love our bodies? The thing is, we totally can.

This was recently put to the test for me in terms of height. "Fun-sized," is what they used to say in college. I'm five foot two and, frankly, I never gave it much thought. Not too long ago, however, I was meeting a friend's 27-year-old daughter for the first time. Upon seeing me, in heels, she exclaimed, "My dad didn't mention you were SO SHORT. You're too short."

I was taken aback. I was stunned. I don't think she meant it nefariously per se. But it felt so strange because I walk around all day in my body without thinking about my inches. For someone to fixate on it and scream it to me? Well, that felt odd.

reese witherspoon, shortness, short celebs, body shaming Reese Witherspoon saying "No." Giphy

Sure, there were "clap-backs" with which I could have replied. From the subreddit r/Comebacks, there are tons of choices, the most scathing of which might be, "I can see all your chins from here." The issue with hitting them where it hurts is you're perpetuating the cycle of shame and, frankly, becoming the very bully who's hurting you to begin with. The old adage "Hurt people hurt people" is so true, and if we recognize it before we do it, we can be part of the solution rather than the problem.

The key is to reframe what being short even means. For many, it's not negative in the slightest. While many memes will tell us how important it is to embrace body positivity, it's nice when it comes from external sources too. The more positive representation for every body type, the better. So what I wish I'd said is, "Yeah. Like Lady Gaga. And Reese Witherspoon and Ariana Grande and Salma Hayek and Scarlett Johansson and Quinta Brunson and Sabrina Carpenter. The list goes on." Or, in going back to the Reddit thread, there were lots of sweet ways to own my inches proudly without lashing back. My favorite—and what I wish I'd said, "So the worst thing about me is that there isn't MORE of me?"

Quinta Brunson hosts SNL and sings about being short. www.youtube.com, Saturday Night Live, NBC

Short men have also been an inspiration on this topic lately. Being short for guys has been challenging in years past. Just recently, a few online dating sites made the news for allowing height to be filtered, resulting in some shorter men getting pushed out of the algorithm. (In an Upworthy story, Evan Porter humorously suggests more sensible filters than height, such as "Can the person spell?")

Tom Cruise, short king, celebrities, mission impossible, short Tom Cruise in a scene from Mission: Impossible Giphy

However, there has been a clear turn in body positivity for shorter men. Articles like "5 Reasons Short Guys Make the Best Husbands" from Your Tango note that shorter men, on average, live longer. And, as mentioned, there's more representation in the media. Notoriously, Tom Cruise showed the world what a short king could do. Couples like Tom Holland, photographed beautifully with his much taller fiancé Zendaya, are giving men the much-deserved confidence boost some really need.

Just a couple of years ago, an opinion piece ran in The New York Times called "There Has Never Been a Better Time to be Short." Among many claims, writer Mara Altman notes, "Short people don’t just save resources, but as resources become scarcer because of overpopulation and global warming, they may be best suited for long-term survival.”

Comedian Dan Toomey (@Dhtoomey on TikTok) has some fun with the article as a short king himself:

@dhtoomey

Breaking news, short kings #news #short #nyc #dating

At the end of the day, it's not about being short or tall or thin or fat. It's about challenging beauty norms and embracing our wonderous, unique bodies that house our hearts and lungs and bones. Ya know, those organs that keep us breathing and alive. Oprah Winfrey's advice on the matter is perfection:

"Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate? Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others."




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Culture

6 photos of the same girl show how selfies distort what we really look like

It's not you, really! It's that danged camera.

Evey Winters/Facebook, Vox/YouTube
What you look like in a selfie camera isn't really what you look like in real life.

We've all done it: You snap a selfie, look at it, say, "OMG is my nose swollen?" then try again from a different angle. "Wait, now my forehead looks weird. And what's up with my chin?" You keep trying various angles and distances, trying to get a picture that looks like how you remember yourself looking. Whether you finally land on one or not, you walk away from the experience wondering which photo actually looks like the "real" you.

I do this, even as a 40-something-year-old who is quite comfortable with the face I see in the mirror. So, it makes me cringe imagining a tween or teen, who likely take a lot more selfies than I do, questioning their facial features based on those snapshots. When I'm wondering why my facial features look weird in selfies it's because I know my face well enough to know that's not what it looks like.

However, when a young person whose face is changing rapidly sees their facial features distorted in a photo, they may come to all kinds of wrong conclusions about what they actually look like.


selfie, faces, photography, photos, self-image, self-confidence, body imageSome people say holding the phone or camera farther away helpscanva photos

Not that it should matter, of course. But we're talking about people living in a society obsessed with personal appearance. It's going to matter to a lot of people, and if they get the wrong impression of their face, some people will go to all sorts of lengths to change it. That's why understanding a bit about how focal lengths on cameras can impact what we see in photographs is vital.

Writer Evey Winters shared some of that education in a post on Facebook. She writes about this topic through a trans and dysmorphia lens, but it applies to everyone.

Winters points out that if someone is thinking of doing surgery to change their bodies, they should seek sources outside of themselves and a cellphone camera.

"I have dysmorphia and recognize that in myself," she wrote, "but even if I didn’t, there’s not a selfie I’ve ever taken that would accurately help me make choices about my face. Mirrors are slightly better only for their minimal distortions."

"If you want the best chance at getting good feedback pre-op about what you might want to change," she added, "I’d recommend a skilled photographer take a series of photos of you at different focal lengths and even then none of these will be entirely accurate as none of these employ humans binocular vision and filtering."

Winters shared a collage of photos of the same girl's face at different focal lengths to show the significant difference it makes.

"Notice how in different photos this child’s eyes may appear to be slightly hooded," she wrote. "The nose appears enlarged disproportionately. Hairline seems to shift with every snap. So does jaw shape, face shape, and even the width and size of the ears."



The difference between each of these photos is significant, but the difference between the first and the last is stunning.

Cellphone selfie cameras usually have an even smaller focal length than the 40 mm shown here (Winters points out that the iPhone 13 Pro Max selfie camera has the equivalent of a 23 mm focal length), so they distort facial features even more. It also depends on how far away from the camera you are—the closer you are, the more distortion you'll see. Lighting matters, too, but even the best lighting can't cancel out what the focal length is doing.

It's also worth mentioning that cell phone cameras, —regardless of distance, focal length, and lighting — will usually look way different than the you you see in the mirror. Most of us look in the mirror many times in a given day and are extremely used to what we see there. We sometimes forget that the image reflected back at us is actually flipped or reversed! So when we see ourselves on camera, with all our right side features on the left and vice versa, our asymmetries stand out to us like a sore thumb.

But back to focal length again, Vox shared a video specifically about the "big nose" phenomenon with selfies, showing how drastic the distortion can be.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Commenters on Winter's viral post as well as the Vox video were absolutely stunned to learn the truth:

"Here I've been thinking that the pictures I'm less fond of are the truer representation!"

"This was reassuring, I always think I look better from a distance in photos, now I know why!"

"This made me feel beautiful again"

"This explains why in the mirror I look good but selfies are iffy"

Many people were reassured and found that the knowledge boosted their self-confidence! It's hard to overstate how looking at photos that make us look "bad" every day can really damage our self-esteem over time. It's so important for people to understand this vital photography lesson and stop beating themselves up for not liking what they see in selfies.


david rose, schitts creek, selfies, photography, body image, body positivityDavid Rose totally gets it now.Giphy

As a parent of two teens and a young adult, I find these photos to be fantastic tools for teaching my kids not to put too much stock in what they see in a selfie. Far too many people are increasingly seeking out plastic surgery to change a nose or a forehead or a jawline that doesn't even really exist. Imagine looking in a funhouse mirror and thinking you need to do something to change how you look. Selfie cameras are basically mini funhouse mirrors. Smartphones and apps are getting better at making filters that adjust for those distortions, but none of us should be relying on selfies of any kind to see what we really look like, much less taking major measures to alter our appearance based on what we see in them.

Even if you have some physical feature you simply can't accept and want to change, make sure you get a skilled photographer to give you the most accurate picture of what it actually looks like. As Winters concluded at the end of her post: "Make sure you’re not reshaping your body for a you that only exists in selfie cams."

Thank you for the reminder, Ms. Winters.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Waxers, nurses, and doctors share what they're really thinking about your 'privates.'

You're probably not as special or weird as you think.

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There's no need to feel self conscious.

Body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.

According to one study, about 30% of men are "dissatisfied" with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had "concerns" about the appearance of their vulva.

The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there's something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we're weird, is anybody really weird at all?

A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic—people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians or estheticians. The responses were oddly inspiring.

The prompt asked, "Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?"

Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people's unmentionables.

Here are a few of the best responses:

Laura Woolf/Flickr


"Gonna chime in as a doctor - and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before." - feelgoodx

"I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in." - Wild-Clementine

"Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they're clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable." - tlotd

"Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work." - Important-Tackle

"never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me." - pastelmorning

"Nothing surprises me, I'm mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch." - noorisms

Two big takeaways:

First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgeable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!

Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician's office!

Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn't seem like a big deal, but it can be.

gourd and white tape measure on blue surfaceEmbarrassment about the nether regions is normal, but it can be harmful if not checked. Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

It's bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually effect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.

Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.

Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions.

If you've ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You're totally normal!

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Men's Health

Chiefs star Patrick Mahomes says his 'dad bod' may be the key to his incredible success

This inspired other dudes to jump in with their own epic dad bod tales.

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Kansas City Chiefs Patrick Mahomes - Indianapolis Colts Ja… | Flickr

"That Dad Bod, man," Patrick Mahomes reportedly joked after he barreled his way into the end zone in a game against the San Francisco 49ers. According to an article by Rustin Dodd for The Athletic (owned by The New York Times), this is just one of many references to Mahomes's less-than-traditional athletic physique.

In the same article, Rams quarterback Matt Stafford's wife, Kelly, is quoted as having posted on Instagram, "Dad bod is a requirement to be an NFL QB. Show me a shredded QB, and I’ll show you a not very good QB.”

Patrick Mahomes Showtime GIF by Kansas City ChiefsGiphy

Clearly, Patrick and Matt are far from the only NFL superstar athletes without washboard abs—and this really is nothing new. From Peyton Manning to tight end Travis Kelce, the list is endless. Caleb Jones, an offensive tackle for the Patriots, weighs in at 370 pounds. Aaron Gibson, who once played OT for the Lions, Cowboys, Bears (oh my!) at one point weighed 410 pounds. (He's now retired and lost over 100 pounds to get healthier.)

But that's just football, where one could argue that a little more padding provides protection. Just recently, NBA player Luka Dončić got traded to the Lakers, despite his openly "unhealthy" lifestyle and being considered "overweight" by professional standards. Would he be a better player if he lost weight and stopped smoking? Not necessarily. Basketball stars through the years have often notoriously had "everyman" bodies and yet displayed amazing athleticism. And don't even get me started on baseball players.

Season 3 Baseball GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy

But some doctors warn that the dad bod (which is often used to describe men with a little extra weight in their midsections) can actually be a sign of poor health. Beer belly or just middle age, Dr. David Brill, in an article posted for the Cleveland Clinic, shares that a dad bod "left unchecked can lead to the three horsemen of the apocalypse: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and high blood sugar."

Ours de la fête des pères avec de la biè Photo stock libre ...www.publicdomainpictures.net

In any case, this growing (pun intended) trend of a little extra teddy-bear fat in our jocks is inspiring all kinds of dudes on TikTok. Like Chill Guy 1, who posed sadly for the camera writing, "Strangers on the internet have commented on my weight gain." Only to cut to a guttural scream, while shirtless. There he proudly states, "F the haters! Love yourself always."


@chillary_chilton

Never let someone elses opinion determine how you feel about your body #fitness #wegojim #gym #dadbod #bodypositivity #selflove

And Supdaily, who exclaims, "I love food" while patting his round stomach.


@supdaily

Dad bod check #suchascientist #gummygame #foryoupage #fyp #dadbod #dadbodchallenge #dadbodcheck

Don't forget Logan Pete, who uses his dad bod as merely the vessel to share this inspiring message: "Oh hey, just some dad advice for anyone who needs it. You are a good person. You're trying your hardest. Your brain is just a jerk that plays tricks on you and tells you things that aren't true. And you probably deserve a cookie."

@logan_pete_

You got this kiddo! #dad #dadsoftiktok #dadbod #dadjokes #daddy

Dad bod squads are all the rage, and it doesn't seem to matter if you're just a person on TikTok or Taylor Swift's boyfriend's bestie. Dr. Brill added, “A chiseled body doesn’t have to be the goal. But there’s a sweet spot to be found. You don’t have to be ripped to be healthy."

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