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I'm teaching my 6- and 7-year-old boys about consent. Here's how it's gone so far.

parenting, consent, education, sexuality, community
Photo by saeed karimi on Unsplash

The scenarios of parenting have many hurdles in order to offer a healthy way of approaching life.

The second week of first grade, my 6-year-old son came home and told me, very seriously, "Mama, I have a girlfriend, and I love her."

I didn't laugh at him or tell him he is too young to have a girlfriend, and I didn't minimize his feelings. We had a very serious conversation about his girlfriend: what he likes about her, what they talk about at lunch, and what games they play on the playground at recess. I asked questions about her; some he knew the answers to, and some he didn't.

Nearly every day after that for some time, we talked about his girlfriend, and in every conversation, in some way, we talked about consent — what it means, what it looks like, and how I expect him to act.

I didn't objectify the little girl by referring to her as "your little girlfriend" as I've heard other adults tease their own children. I didn't make jokes about him being a heartbreaker or tell him that the girls will be falling all over him by high school. I didn't tell him his feelings don't matter — and I definitely didn't tell him her feelings don't matter. I think the seeds of misogyny are planted with words as much as behavior, and I treated his emotions seriously because, for him, being in love for the first time is the most serious thing in the world. He will remember this little girl just as I remember my first boyfriend, and how I handle things now is setting the tone for the future.

I wasn't expecting to have these conversations in the context of a relationship quite so soon.

His older brother is more introverted, with the exception of the occasional fleeting crush. But I have been talking about consent and modeling it since my sons were babies.

The idea that young men need to learn about consent in high school or college goes hand-in-hand with the idea that sex education shouldn't be taught before then, either. Consent is an ongoing conversation in our home, framed to suit the situation. But now that my son has a girlfriend, I'm finding ways to introduce the concept of consent within a relationship on a level that he can understand.

From the time my sons were very little — before they could even talk — I started teaching them about body autonomy and consent.

"Do you want me to tickle you?" "Can I pick you up?" "Do you want me to brush your hair?"

I would ask whenever I could, waiting for their response before proceeding. Yes, of course, there are times when a young child needs to be picked up or hair needs to be brushed whether they want it or not, but there are just as many times when children can be given — and deserve — the right to choose. And so I let them decide whenever I can.

Teaching them that no one can touch them without permission was the first step in teaching them about respecting the boundaries of others.

I model the respect I expect them to extend to others. It is an ongoing lesson, as the most important lessons always are.

Of course they fight — what siblings don't? But I teach them that, whatever the game or activity, if someone says "Stop!" or "No!" they are to stop what they are doing.

To that end, I try to stay out of their squabbles and give them time to sort them out. If they don't stop, there are consequences. We talk about how it feels to have someone keep chasing, tickling, or bothering you when you've told them to stop. I watch their empathy for others grow as they consider how it feels to be little and have grownups want to touch their faces or hug them without permission. They're learning, and it gives me hope.

But now I'm having daily conversations with my youngest son about girlfriends and what is — and isn't — OK.

He knows he has to ask if she wants a hug before he touches her. He knows that it's rude to refer to her as "my girlfriend" when talking about her and that it's better, and more respectful, to use her name.

He knows that if he gives her a gift, he should give her a chance to respond instead of inundating her with more gifts. "Let's wait and see how she feels about this lovely picture you made her before you draw another one," I tell him, explaining how overwhelming it can be to have someone give you gifts when you're not ready for them or haven't had a chance to return the affection. Of course, I'm thinking about the boy I knew my junior year of high school who would constantly leave me trinkets of his affection at my locker — affection that wasn't reciprocated and made me uncomfortable, especially after I asked him to stop.

I don't know if I'm doing this right, honestly.

There are times when I think to myself, "But he's only 6! Why are we even having this conversation?" And then I remind myself, "If not now, when?"

I know what it means to be a girl in this world, and my sons are starting to hear my #MeToo stories, the ones they're old enough to understand. How do I talk about what's wrong in the world if I'm not willing to talk about the right behaviors, the right way to treat women?

I know my sons have a good role model in their father and in our marriage. I know they watch how my husband interacts with me, and I see it reflected in how they treat me. It's a start, but I know it's not enough in a world that sends mixed messages to boys about girls and how to treat them.

It's been eye-opening, seeing how my children regard consent.

I've seen how those early lessons in teaching them about their own right to say no have gone a long way in teaching them the empathy and respect they show for others now.

I know we're not done; we're only just starting. I know it's only going to get more complicated as they get older.

But at the end of the day, no matter their age, the core lesson is the same: respect people, care about how they are feeling in your interactions with them, and remember that others have a right to feel differently than you do and to set boundaries for what is OK with them. The situations will change, but those words will be repeated again and again.

Teaching consent is not a one-time discussion. It's something I want my sons to think about every single day.

This story originally appeared on Ravishly and is reprinted here with permission. More from Ravishly:

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    National Geographic Documentary Films
    National Geographic Documentary Films
    Family

    Nat Geo's 'Blink' tracks a family finding beauty while facing blindness as they travel the globe

    “Let's go all in and fill their visual memory with as much beauty as we can."

    via Edith Lemay/NatGeo

    Mia, Leo, Colin, and Laurent Pelletier pose on top of their camper van in front of adouble rainbow while in Mongolia.

    True

    “Blink,” a new film by National Geographic Documentary Films shows how a family with four children, three of whom are going blind, embraces life in the face of an uncertain future. It’s a testament to the resilience of the Lemay-Pelletier family but also a reminder for all of us to seize the day because all our futures are uncertain.

    Edith Lemay and Sébastien Pelletier are the parents of Mia, a 13-year-old girl, and three boys: Léo, 11, Colin, 9, and Laurent, 7. Over the last six years, they’ve learned that Mia and the two youngest boys have retinitis pigmentosa, a rare genetic disease in which the cells of the retina slowly die. As the disease progresses, the person develops “tunnel vision” that shrinks until very little vision remains.

    The diagnosis devastated the parents. "The hardest part with the diagnosis was inaction. There's nothing they can do about it. There's no treatment,” Edith says in the film.

    However, even though the parents couldn’t affect the progress of the disease, they could give their children’s senses an epic experience that would benefit them for a lifetime.

    “We don’t know how fast it’s going to go, but we expect them to be completely blind by mid-life,” said the parents. Mia’s impairment advisor suggested they fill her visual memory with pictures from books. “I thought, I’m not going to show her an elephant in a book; I’m going to take her to see a real elephant,” Edith explains in the film. “And I’m going to fill her visual memory with the best, most beautiful images I can.”

    The Pelletier family (from left): Mia, Sebastien, Colin, Edith Lemay, Laurent and Leo inKuujjuaq, Canada.via National Geographic/Katie Orlinsky

    This realization led to an inspiring year-long journey across 24 countries, during which every family member experienced something on their bucket list. Mia swam with dolphins, Edith rode a hot-air balloon in Cappadocia, and Léo saw elephants on safari.

    Colin realized his dream of sleeping on a moving train while Sébastien saw the historic site of Angkor Wat.

    “We were focusing on sights,” explains Pelletier. “We were also focusing a lot on fauna and flora. We’ve seen incredible animals in Africa but also elsewhere. So we were really trying to make them see things that they wouldn’t have seen at home and have the most incredible experiences.”

    Cameras followed the family for 76 days as they traveled to far-flung locales, including Namibia, Mongolia, Egypt, Laos, Nepal and Turkey. Along the way, the family made friends with local people and wildlife. In a heartbreaking scene, the boys wept as the family had to leave behind a dog named Bella he befriended in the mountains of Nepal.

    But the film isn't just about the wonders of nature and family camaraderie. The family's trip becomes a “nightmare” when they are trapped in a cable car suspended hundreds of feet above the Ecuadorian forest for over 10 hours.

    annapurna range, blink, nat geoLeo, Laurent, Edith, Colin, Mia, and Sebastien look out at the mountains in the Annapurna range.via MRC/Jean-Sébastien Francoeur

    As expected, NatGeo’s cinematographers beautifully capture the family's journey, and in the case of “Blink,” this majestic vision is of even greater importance. In some of the film's quietest moments, we see the children taking in the world's wonders, from the vast White Desert in Egypt to a fearless butterfly in Nepal, with the full knowledge that their sight will fail one day.

    Along the way, the family took as many pictures as possible to reinforce the memories they made on their adventure. “Maybe they’ll be able to look at the photographs and the pictures and they will bring back those stories, those memories, of the family together,” Edith says.

    But the film is about more than travel adventures and the pain of grief; ultimately, it’s about family.

    “By balancing [the parents’ grief] with a more innocent and joyous tale of childlike wonder and discovery, we felt we could go beyond a mere catalog of locations and capture something universal,” the directors Edmund Stenson and Daniel Roher, said in a statement. “Keeping our camera at kid-height and intimately close to the family, we aimed to immerse the audience in the observational realities of their daily life, as well as the subtle relationships between each of them. This is a film built on looks, gestures and tiny details—the very fabric of our relationships with one another.”

    Ultimately, “Blink” is a great film to see with your loved ones because it’s a beautiful reminder to appreciate the wonders of our world, the gift of our senses and the beauty of family.

    The film will open in over 150 theaters in the U.S. and Canada beginning Oct. 4 and will debut on National Geographic Channel and stream on Disney+ and Hulu later this year. Visit the “Blink” website for more information.

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    Family

    People applauded after Mark Wahlberg confronted the DJ at his daughter's dance party

    Dad to the rescue.

    via TheEllenShow / YouTube

    Mark Wahlberg on "The Ellen Show."

    Actor Mark Wahlberg recently attended a daddy-daughter dance with his 10-year-old, Grace. Sadly, Grace had no interest in seeing her father strutting his stuff on the dance floor.

    "I didn't get one dance," Wahlberg told Ellen DeGeneres. "And I told her we were going to do the whole big circle and I was going to go off. And she said, 'Dad, if you embarrass me, I will never talk to you again.' But what she did do is she hung out with me."

    No matter who your dad is, especially if you're a 10-year-old-girl, you have zero desire to see him dance in front of your friends.

    But the parents at the dance probably would have had a blast seeing Wahlberg bust out some of his old-school '90s Marky Mark moves.

    However, Wahlberg couldn't help but leave his mark on the music being played at the dance.

    Let's not forget, he didn't get famous for his acting but for showing off his abs in the "Good Vibrations" video.

    Being that Wahlberg's time as a pop star was three decades ago, he couldn't believe it when he heard the music being played at the dance.

    "[Grace] sat there on the edge of the stage, by the DJ. And then I'm sitting there with one other dad and I'm like, 'This is not an edited version of this song. There are explicit lyrics being played at a school dance for girls and I'm like no good,'" he said.

    "I told the DJ and he's like, 'Oh, I thought it was.' I said, 'What are you doing?' I'm hearing F-bombs and this and that's not okay," Wahlberg said.

    He's right. There's no place for music with explicit lyrics at a dance for 10-year-old children.

    Wahlberg says the DJ didn't know he wasn't playing the edited version, but it's probably more likely that he didn't even realize the song was a problem. Pop music these days is filled with a numbing amount of violent and misogynistic lyrics.

    A recent study from the University of Missouri found that nearly one-third of pop songs contain lyrics that degrade or demean women by portraying them as submissive or sexually objectified.

    Currently, three of the top five songs on the Billboard Top 40 contain the word "bitch." One of them is sung in Korean.

    It's odd that Americans have become more sensitive to misogyny in pop culture in films, television, and comedy, but still have a huge cultural blind-spot when it comes to music.

    That's not a good thing, especially when pop music is marketed to teenagers.

    "We know that music has a strong impact on young people and how they view their role in society," said Cynthia Frisby, a professor in the Missouri School of Journalism.

    "Unlike rap or hip-hop, pop music tends to have a bubbly, uplifting sound that is meant to draw listeners in," Frisby continued. "But that can be problematic if the lyrics beneath the sound are promoting violence and misogynistic behavior."

    Let's face it, pop stars are role models. Their examples show young people what to wear and how to behave. That's not to say that kids will blindly follow someone just because they like their music. But it has an undeniable effect.

    Wahlberg, and any parent who monitors what their kids are listening to, deserve credit for protecting the minds and hearts of their kids.

    Frisby has some great advice for parents concerned about negative imagery in pop music.

    "Ask your daughters and sons what songs they like to listen to and have conversations about how the songs might impact their identity," Frisby said.

    "For example, many songs might make young girls feel like they have to look and act provocative in order to get a boy to like them, when that isn't necessarily the case. If children and teens understand that what they are hearing isn't healthy behavior, then they might be more likely to challenge what they hear on the radio."

    He's right. There's no place for music with explicit lyrics at a dance for 10-year-old children.

    Wahlberg says the DJ didn't know he wasn't playing the edited version, but it's probably more likely that he didn't even realize the song was a problem. Pop music these days is filled with a numbing amount of violent and misogynistic lyrics.

    A recent study from the University of Missouri found that nearly one-third of pop songs contain lyrics that degrade or demean women by portraying them as submissive or sexually objectified.

    Currently, three of the top five songs on the Billboard Top 40 contain the word "bitch." One of them is sung in Korean.

    It's odd that Americans have become more sensitive to misogyny in pop culture in films, television, and comedy, but still have a huge cultural blind-spot when it comes to music.

    That's not a good thing, especially when pop music is marketed to teenagers.

    "We know that music has a strong impact on young people and how they view their role in society," said Cynthia Frisby, a professor in the Missouri School of Journalism.

    "Unlike rap or hip-hop, pop music tends to have a bubbly, uplifting sound that is meant to draw listeners in," Frisby continued. "But that can be problematic if the lyrics beneath the sound are promoting violence and misogynistic behavior."

    Let's face it, pop stars are role models. Their examples show young people what to wear and how to behave. That's not to say that kids will blindly follow someone just because they like their music. But it has an undeniable effect.

    Wahlberg, and any parent who monitors what their kids are listening to, deserve credit for protecting the minds and hearts of their kids.

    Frisby has some great advice for parents concerned about negative imagery in pop music.

    "Ask your daughters and sons what songs they like to listen to and have conversations about how the songs might impact their identity," Frisby said.

    "For example, many songs might make young girls feel like they have to look and act provocative in order to get a boy to like them, when that isn't necessarily the case. If children and teens understand that what they are hearing isn't healthy behavior, then they might be more likely to challenge what they hear on the radio."


    This article originally appeared on 03.03.20

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    Family

    Woman says she has the 'key' to being a good mother-in-law, and it's actually spot-on

    A simple thing that could help everyone.

    @millennialmatleave/TikTok

    "Fill you own cup" is good advice fro nearly every situation, isn't it?

    Listen, not every mother-in-law disregards boundaries, questions their kid’s parenting styles, tries to manipulate, and so on and so forth. But there’s a reason why the stereotype exists. Plenty have their own horror stories of being on the receiving end of toxic MIL behavior.

    But for those wanting to avoid being that stereotype, Janelle Marie, or @millennialmatleave on TikTok believes that she has found the “key.” And it’s all about “filling your own cup.”

    “Fill your dang cup. Something outside of your children that makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel happy,” Janelle begins in a TikTok.

    That means that besides devoting your identity towards nurturing kids, you should be “nurturing” your marriage, as well as other relationships, like friendships, she notes.

    “I unfortunately feel like a number of mothers-in-law that are feeling really confused about this role of mother-in-law or dissatisfied with the role of mother-law, and it ends up meaning that they act in a way that comes across as desperate or controlling or with guilt trips — women who don’t have enough going on outside of their relationship and their role as a mom. And so when their kids grow up, they’re ill-equipped to replace that relationship with other things.”

    Janelle concludes by acknowledging it’s “easier said than done,” and reiterates that she isn’t trying to place blame, but rather just point out that “it’s something we need to be aware of.”


    @millennialmatleave Lets get some hobbies girls…..you know, when you can find a single free moment #hobbies #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #relationshipadvice #parentingtips #lifehack #grandparents #inlaws #parenting #boymom ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie


    Down in the comments, folks seem to clearly resonate with Janell’s stance—many have MILs of their own who could really benefit from a hobby or friend circle.

    “My MIL’s hobby was getting into my marriage,” quipped one viewer.

    “My toxic mother in law has had zero friends in the 18 years I’ve known her,” said another.

    A few MILs even chimed in. One shared, “I noticed I got too involved/emotional/bothered by my son’s relationship and immediately looked in the mirror! Poured that energy into my marriage, friends, and hobbies.”

    “OMG, you’re right,” reflected another. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good MIL, I don’t meddle or overstep, but boy do I struggle. I definitely need to get a hobby!”

    As we know, it can be hard for any mom to not lose themselves in the demands of raising a child. And only up until recently were women allowed by society to see themselves as anything beyond being a mother. Self care is also a fairly new concept for everyone. So it is understandable that many MILs find themselves in this struggle without proper coping mechanisms.

    But still, if the goal really is to maintain loving, healthy family relationships, it’s crucial to be mindful of any self sabotaging behaviors, and continuity working through those insecurities. That goes for MILs and non-MILs alike.

    For those booking to be the best mother-in-law they can be, here are a few pieces of advice:

    Don't make it about you

    It can be difficult to accept that you might not be the #1 woman in your kid’s life anymore, but it’s important both for you and the couple that those potential feelings of rejection get reframed. After all, there's truly no love lost.

    Use your words to uplift, not criticize

    Words are powerful. Use them wisely. A little complement now and then goes a long way.

    Back off

    Let the couple raise their kids, and solve their problems, as they see fit. Trust that you can let them handle their own. Even when intentions are good, offers of help without being asked for it can be seen as criticism.

    Invite and Include

    Leaving people out leads to resentment. Always invite kids and their spouses to join performances, graduations, birthday celebrations, and other family events, whether or not you think they want to or can attend.

    And, of course…fill your own cup.

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    Science

    Ecologist 'burst into tears' seeing endangered gliders using boxes designed to save them

    A third of the greater gliders' remaining habitat was destroyed in the Australian wildfires, and researchers didn't know if their high-tech box idea would work.

    Mark Gillow/Flickr

    Greater gliders are endangered in Australia and rely on old-growth tree hollows to make their nests.

    When a team of Australian researchers started checking the high-tech boxes they'd installed to help save endangered greater gliders, they weren't sure what they were going to find. The hope was that the tree-dwelling marsupials would use them for nesting—a replacement for the tree hollows they normally nest in—but no one knew whether or not the creatures would take to them.

    So when Dr. Kita Ashman, Threatened Species and Climate Adaptation Ecologist at WWF-Australia, found a glider in the second box she checked, she was thrilled.

    "I just burst into tears, I was so surprised and so happy," she told ABC News Australia.

    Greater gliders are nocturnal marsupials that live in old-growth forests of eastern Australia. They have large ears, fluffy fur, long tails, and they can glide up to 100 meters at a time. The species is only found in Australia.

    "I grew up looking at greater gliders all throughout the Dandenong Ranges. So they have a really special place in my heart," said Dr. Ashman told ANU.

    The special nesting boxes were designed and created through a partnership between Australian National University (ANU), Greening Australia and the World Wide Fund for Nature-Australia after bushfires destroyed a third of the greater gliders' remaining habitat. The tree hollows that greater gliders rely on to nest can take over 100 years to form, according to ANU, so it's not like they can just find some new trees to live in when their homes are destroyed.

    Nesting boxes that are commonly used for wildlife aren't a good fit for greater gliders, as the thin walls and lack of thermal protection can result in gliders overheating. (Heat-stressed gliders will slow their eating, which can be life-threatening, according to ANU.) The high-tech boxes in this project are insulated and include a non-toxic, heat-reflective, fire-resistant coating to keep gliders safe.

    "I've affectionately been calling this design the Goldilocks box because we hope it will keep greater gliders not too hot and not too cold and will help to increase the species' resilience in a changing climate," Ashman said in July 2022.

    "Producing and installing high-quality nest boxes is costly," added ANU research fellow Dr. Kara Youngentob, "so this project is very important because it will help us understand if expensive interventions like nest boxes are the best use of funding in our urgent mission to save greater gliders."

    It appears that their efforts are paying off.

    "What we didn't know was whether these boxes worked and whether they have an impact on the glider population," Dr. Youngentob told ABC News Australia. "Much to our delight, within a few months of them going up they are already being used by gliders, so we know the individuals themselves like them and use them."

    According to Youngentob, greater gliders are the largest gliding marsupial at risk of extinction. More than 200 nesting boxes have been installed in Victoria's East Gippsland and in Tallaganda National Park in New South Wales. Youngentob told ABC News Australia that this project will help researchers learn more about how many of the species are left in the wild.

    The quiet, nocturnal marsupial faces threats from climate change and deforestation in addition to the wildfires that ravaged Australia in 2020. Their population has fallen by 80% in the past 20 years and the species reached endangered status in July of 2022.

    "They're a treasure for this country." Dr. Youngentob told ANU. "And I think the more people know about them, the more that they will fall in love with them and want to protect them too."


    This article originally appeared on 1.20.23

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    Joy

    Teen opens his first paycheck from McDonald's and his reaction is so relatable

    There's nothing like the pride of that first paycheck.

    u/ExactlySorta/Reddit

    A teen was elated getting his first paycheck from McDonald's.

    There are certain moments and milestones in life that hit harder than others. There are the biggies, of course—graduations, weddings, births, etc.—but there are also the smaller-but-still-significant ones that mark a major shift in life, when you officially cross a threshold into a whole new stage in your life's journey.

    A mom captured one of those moments on video as her teen son opened his first paycheck from his job at McDonald's.

    The video shared on Reddit shows a teen in a McDonald's hat sitting in the passenger seat of a car opening an envelope that contained his paycheck. His mom said it should be "200-and something" dollars, and after a hilariously long struggle to open the envelope (these Gen Zers have never snail mailed, no judgment), he looks over the check stub to get the full picture.

    "That's $283," he says in astonishment. To his credit, he asks "After tax, what's that?" not realizing that the amount of the check is the after-tax take home amount. His smile and laughter says it all.

    Watch:

    "Let's take it to the bank, then!" Heck yeah, kid.

    People are remembering with fondness their own first paychecks

    Many viral videos of first paycheck reveals include complaints about how much is taken out it in taxes, so it's refreshing to see this young man's joy at his after-tax pay. It was a beautiful moment to capture on film, as most of us remember that feeling of empowerment that came with our own first real paychecks.

    People in the comments are feeling the nostalgia:

    "I remember that feeling - pretty sweet to see money you earned yourself. Feels good earning your own cash."

    "God that first paycheck felt so unreal. I will never forget you ace hardware."

    "I remember my first paycheck was for like $300 after two weeks of being a counselor and I felt RICH. I immediately spent it all on a guitar that I still have 20 years later."

    "I remember mine - from my first proper job. £64.29 in a little brown packet with holes in it to see the cash inside. 1980. 😂"

    "My first “paycheck” was like $65, I was so proud. I took my mom to pizzeria to treat her and she was very very touched."

    "Man… I remember my first paycheck… 23 years ago now. For two weeks of what limited hours I could work being 14 years old… that baby was $96.19! HO-LY smokes was I on cloud 9. Cashed it right there at work and bought myself a bag of Skittles. It was a good day."

    via GIPHY

    Ah, to be young and unencumbered by adult expenses

    Part of what makes this endearing is the innocence of it. As a teen, he's not worried about affording a mortgage or groceries or diapers or retirement savings. His elation over making $283 is adorable because he's just starting down the path of adulthood. Soon enough, that paycheck will seem small, but he's not there yet.

    When you're a kid, money is kind of an abstract concept. Maybe you get a small allowance or get paid a few bucks for odd jobs, and opening a birthday card with some cash in it is exciting. It's not until you're fully into the working world for a while that the regular flow of money and what it means for your life really sinks in.

    And it's not until you're a fully independent adult that you really grasp how relative your feelings about your paycheck can be. There's a big difference between being a 16-year-old getting your first paycheck and being a 30-year-old trying to raise a family on wages that don't cover all your needs. Things like cost-of-living and inflation start to actually mean something as you get older and experience their impact. You might find that you can make a lot more money and yet feel poorer than ever as expenses pile up into adulthood.

    i.giphy.com

    Don't we all wish we could go back to the hopeful, happy days of making our first real chunk of money before all of those grown-up concerns arose? That simple sense of pride in having worked hard and earned something. The excitement of being able to pay for something you want yourself. The sense of freedom that comes with those early earnings. We see and feel all of that in this teen's bright smile, and it's glorious.

    He may not realize how different he might feel opening his paycheck down the road, but there's no need to tell him yet. We don't need to ruin this moment with "just you wait." He'll find out soon enough, as we all have, so let's just let him enjoy this moment of bliss. He's earned it.

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    Popular

    People claim the soil from this Irish churchyard has healing properties and it turns out they're right

    Scientists discovered it isn't just a myth.

    Images from findgrave.com and Simon Watson

    The soil in an Irish churchyard has proven healing properties

    We’ve all heard an old wives tale—a superstition or belief that seems ridiculous but just might have a kernel of truth to it. For instance: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Probably not literally true, but there’s no question that good nutrition helps keep you from getting sick. Counting sheep will help you fall asleep?

    Well, it might, for some people. In other words, old wives tales might not be true for everyone all the time, but there’s often a little bit of truth in there somewhere. For centuries, the people of northern Ireland had an old wives tale of their own: A small churchyard in a hamlet called Boho has soil that is rumored to have magical healing powers.

    A picture of the Boho Church of Ireland Churchyard in County Fermanagh. Found on the Church’s facebook page.





















    According to legend, in 1815, a local folk healer named Reverend James McGirr supposedly said on his death bed that “the clay that covers me will be able to cure anything that I was able to cure when I was with you when I was still alive.” After the reverend died and was buried, parishioners started traveling to his gravesite in the churchyard to sample the “clay” (aka, the soil) from his grave.



    A picture of Father McGirr’s grave, from findagrave.com.

    The local custom went like this: A person would kneel beside McGirr’s grave and collect a “thumbnail size patch of dirt,” likely no more than a teaspoon or two, and put it into a small cotton pouch. After that, the person would take the soil home (being careful not to speak to anyone on the way home, since it would interfere somehow with the healing) and place it under the pillow of the person who was sick. After placing the pouch under the pillow, that person was required to say prayers for the person who was sick, as well as for the soul of Father McGirr and all of his deceased relatives and friends, along with a few other Catholic prayers for good measure.


    A letter from the parish priest instructing people on how to use the clay and when to return it. Photo credit Simon Watson.



    Within a few days, the sick person would supposedly be cured, and the dirt would be returned to the churchyard and placed back on McGirr’s grave. (Failure to return the soil within four days meant bad luck and that your healing wouldn’t be granted.) For centuries, the soil was used to heal flesh wounds, toothaches, sore throats, and more—and according to legend, it actually worked.

    Microbiologist Gerry Quinn, who grew up near Boho, had heard the old wives tale throughout his childhood. As a researcher at Swansea University Medical School in 2018, he decided to dig into the old wives tale and find out the truth about the soil once and for all. Was it purely superstition, or could the soil somehow really be healing people?

    “There seemed to be a lot of superstition around [this folk remedy], but in the back of my head I realized that there's always something behind these traditions or they wouldn't be going on so long,” Quinn said in an interview.

    Quinn and his colleagues collected soil samples from McGirr’s grave and the surrounding churchyard and found something surprising: The soil contained Streptomyces, a bacteria that’s found in highly alkaline environments and is responsible for producing about two-thirds of all the antibiotics we currently use. Streptomycin, for instance, which is derived from Streptomyces, is one of the few antibiotics that can treat tuberculosis.

    In just a small sample of the churchyard soil, the researchers were able to isolate eight different strains of Streptomyces, which could potentially produce hundreds of different antibiotics. But wait—there’s more. One of the strains, the researchers discovered, had never been previously identified, and that’s great news for scientists (and, frankly, for the rest of the world).



    Streptomyces sp. myrophorea under a microscope, courtesy of G. Quinn, Swansea University.


    Antibiotics have revolutionized medicine, saving millions of lives every year and preventing an untold number of infections. Unfortunately, antibiotics have also been overused, which leads to something called antimicrobial resistance. This is when bacteria mutate and become harder to kill, eventually becoming “superbugs” that are resistant to antibiotics altogether. The more resistant the bacteria, the more infections become impossible to treat—and this leads to more disease, disability, and death. Antimicrobial resistance is one of the world’s leading health problems, according to the World Health Organization.

    And this is exactly what makes the discovery in Boho so important. When the Swansea researchers tested the never-before-seen strain of Streptomyces, they discovered it was able to kill four of the top six multi-resistant bacteria that are responsible for most healthcare-related infections, such as MRSA.

    “Our discovery is an important step forward in the fight against antibiotic resistance,” wrote Quinn and Swansea microbiologist Paul Dyson in an article in Newsweek. “The discovery of antimicrobial substances … will help in our search for new drugs to treat multi-resistant bacteria, the cause of many dangerous and lethal infections.” The Swansea team is currently identifying strains of bacteria from the soil and testing them against other multi-resistant pathogens.

    Lesson learned: Sometimes old wives tales aren’t “tales” at all—they can actually save lives.





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