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Mel Robbins making a TED Talk.
Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.
The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations, and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”
This idea of giving up control (or the illusion of it) when it does us no good was perfectly distilled into two words that everyone can understand: "Let Them." This is officially known as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video posted in May 2023.
“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.
“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”
“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.
The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose?
@melrobbins Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode
How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.
It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” one viewer wrote.
“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.
The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”
the beatles wave GIFGiphy
This article originally appeared last year.
A controversial dress being sold at Target.
There seems to be a constant war between children’s clothing retailers who want to push the boundaries of modesty and parents who push back, saying they are sexualizing children. On top of that, when young girls believe they are supposed to wear clothes that are tight-fitting and revealing, it's very damaging to their self-esteem and body image. So what is a parent to do?
“I think it’s one thing that the girls’ clothes are very fitted and small, and it’s another that they’re in such direct contrast to what you find on the boys’ side, and those two things send a pretty strong message about what they’re supposed to look like, dressed to be slim and to be fit,” Sharon Choksi, a mom of two and founder of the clothing line, Girls Will Be, told CNN.
The topic came up again recently when Meghan Mayer, a mother of 2 and a 7th-grade school teacher, posted a video on TikTok about a dress she saw at Target that received over 1.6 million views. Meghan was reacting to a smock-style patterned dress with balloon sleeves that appeared modest at first glance. But after closer examination, it has holes on the waist on both sides, revealing the girl’s midriff and possibly more.
@thecrazycreativeteacher Thoughts?
“My oldest daughter and I are at Target, and there’s some cute spring stuff,” Mayer started the video. "I am a little bit more conservative when it comes to my kids’ clothing, so maybe I’m overreacting, but let me know what you think of these dresses.”
She added that the dress may be okay for a 12-year-old but was inappropriate for a 6- or 7-year-old. Mayer asked her followers what they thought of the dress. “Like I said, I know I’m a little bit more conservative. I don’t usually even let my girls wear bikinis, but maybe I’m overreacting, I don’t know. Thoughts?”
For reference, she then showed the sizes of the dresses to show they were for kids, and then revealed the holes in the sides. “Look at these little slits on the sides of these dresses, right at the hips on all these dresses,” she said.
Most people commenting on the video thought the dress was a bit much for such a young girl to wear and that it was inappropriate for someone that age to expose themselves.
Walking down the aisle in a target.via Mike Mozart/Flickr
"You're not overreacting. You're parenting properly," Paper Bound Greetings wrote. "No, no. There is no reason for those holes to be there. They should have pockets! Not holes!" Anna wrote. "I think retailers are trying to mature our kids too fast. I agree with mom!" HollyMoore730 commented.
But some people thought that that dress was acceptable and Mayer was overreacting.
"Unpopular opinion, I think they’re cute," Dr. Robinson wrote. "When I was a kid in the ‘70s I wore halter tops and tube tops; they were not seen as big deals. I don’t think this is scandalous," Kimberly Falkowsi added. "Overreacting. Both my girls have the blue and white, you can’t even tell much. It’s not that big of a hole. The dresses are so cute," LolitaKHalessi commented.
"Fun fact… you don’t have to buy it, Bethany wrote. "Idk I think it’s cute and that everyone just making it weird when it really isn’t," Wisdomdeals added. "Nothing wrong with the dress. It’s sold out in my area. Luckily if you don’t like it or think it’s inappropriate, you don’t buy it for your child," Maddison commented.
The front of a Target.via Mike Mozart/Flickr
Some commenters told Mayer that she should buy the dress and have her daughter wear a shirt beneath it so it doesn’t show skin. However, Mayer believes that it would support Target in making questionable kids' clothing.
"No, I'm not going to buy it and have them wear a tank top with it, because then that's showing Target that it's OK," she told Today.com. "And over time, the cutout will get bigger and bigger."
This article originally appeared last year.
Many middle class families are sharing that they have nothing in savings right now.
According to an April 2024 Gallup poll, 54% of Americans identify as part of the middle class, with 39% identifying as "middle class" and 15% identifying as "upper-middle class." That percentage has held fairly steady for years, but what it feels like to be a middle-class American has shifted for many.
Notably, inflation caused by the pandemic has hit middle-class families hard, with incomes not keeping up with cost-of-living increases. Housing costs have skyrocketed in many areas of the country, mortgage interest rates have risen to levels not seen since the pre-Obama era, and grocery bills have increased significantly. One government study found that the cost of living has increased between around $800 and $1,300 a month, depending on the state, since 2021, putting a squeeze on everyone, including the middle class.
One woman shared that her family is just getting by and asked other middle-class people to "chime in" with what they have in their savings accounts.
@abbyy..rosee somethings gotta give #savings #middleclass #relatable
"I swear, every paycheck I am putting money into my savings, but needing to transfer it back within a few days," shared @abbyy..rosee on TikTok. "My registration is due. My husband's registration is due. He needed two new tires, even though they had a warranty. That's $300. My oldest needs braces, he needs a palate expander, that's $120 a month. Not to mention groceries are $200 more a week. Forget about feeding your family great ingredients because who has $500 a week to spend on perfect ingredients to feed your family?"
A depressed couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos
She explained that her husband makes enough money that they should be able to live comfortably, and that she quit her job because the cost of daycare was more than she was making.
"At some point, something has to give," she said. "What is going on? How do I save money?"
People in the comments chimed in with their savings account totals and it was quite eye-opening. Many people shared that they have $0 saved.
"We make the most money we ever have and have zero savings. We live paycheck to paycheck and every month I don’t know how we get by."
"I think the middle class is 1 personal disaster away from bankruptcy."
"Y’all got savings accounts?!?! 😂"
"I used to freak out if I had under $10k in savings, now I’m happy when I have over $150. 😫"
"We make almost 100,000 a year with no savings!!!! It's always something!!"
"I'm lucky if we have $500-$1K for an emergency. Every single time we start saving, something happens: the vet, the cars, the kids... something."
"Savings account? I transfer money each paycheck but always end up needing to transfer it back. My husband makes great money too but we are scraping by."
"$803 but we have to pay a $750 deductible this week b/c my Husband hit a deer soooo… back at it 😭 It’s exhausting. Constantly draining it, refilling it, transferring."
An upset couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos
Some people shared that they do have some savings, but several said it was because they'd had an inheritance or other chunk of money come their way. Many people shared that their savings has dwindled as increased costs have taken their toll. Some people gave lifestyle advice to save money, but most agreed that just the basics have gotten so expensive it's harder to make ends meet much less put extra into savings.
Thankfully, the inflation issue appears to be waning, but even just plateauing at their current financial reality isn't ideal for many American families. Middle class is supposed to be a comfortable place to be—not rich, but well enough off to feel secure. That's not how many middle class folks feel, though. Most Americans don't have anything close to the amount of money saved that is recommended across the age spectrum, but at least hearing that others are in the same boat is somewhat comforting.
An upset couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos
Further, a 2024 study found that 37% of Americans can't afford an unexpected expense over $400, and nearly a quarter of them don't have any emergency savings at all. “Not all surprises are good, and people know it. The study suggests financial precarity at a time when household finances may be stretched due to rising prices and inflation,” says Rebecca Rickert, head of communications at Empower. “Life happens, and people are stressed about the surprise expenses that could tip them off-balance.”
It can be vulnerable to share your financial reality, but it's helpful to hear what other people are doing and dealing with so we all feel less alone when we're struggling. Perhaps if people were more open about money, we'd all be able to help one another find ways to improve our financial situations rather than lamenting our empty savings accounts and wondering how to change them.
This article originally appeared last year.
An angry wife shares her thoughts with her husband.
A husband invited some new coworkers over for dinner and instead of properly introducing his wife, he made a sexist joke that she felt was belittling. The wife, who goes by the name Sadie on Reddit, shared the story on the AITA forum to ask if she responded correctly.
Spoiler alert: Yes, she did. “My husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. When they arrived, he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying, ‘This is Mrs. Smith (he didn't even say my name)...the housewife!'" Sadie revealed.
“I looked at him for a second, then I started laughing hysterically,” Sadie continued. “I then told said, ‘No, honey, I work full time, and YES I still act like a housewife when I'm home because you simply can't bother to help.’” After Sadie’s remark, the guests stared at the husband, who tried to laugh it off and then changed the subject by asking them if they wanted a drink.
The rest of the dinner was awkward, with the husband and wife exchanging angry glances. After the guests left, the husband blew up at Sadie, saying that she laughed like a “lunatic” and that she ruined “his image.”
Husband fussing at wife.Canva Photos.
“I told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree, to begin with,” Sadie continued. He said I could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless.” Sadie asked the online forum if she was out of line, and they responded with a collective, "No!"
People overwhelmingly supported the wife, raising an issue far beyond the fact that her husband was seriously inconsiderate. It’s a big red flag in a relationship when one spouse diminishes or belittles the other in public or private.
“Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. He only seemed to care about his embarrassment and not yours. I'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up," one user responded.
“It's a red flag for the relationship. He doesn't want a partner who is an equal. He wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man," another user added.
Some also noted that it was wrong of him to disparage homemakers.
"He diminished (being a housewife is not a ‘low’ role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. In public. As he deserved,” said another.
Red Flags Reaction GIF by Kamie CrawfordGiphy
The viral post received over 24,000 comments, highlighting the idea that belittling your partner is a serious sign of a dysfunctional relationship that should not be ignored.
According to Psychology Today, backhanded compliments, digs, and subtle put-downs are attempts by one partner to make the other feel small and themselves feel big. “Although cleverly disguised as a joke or a compliment, these comments may qualify as ‘toxic’ if they sting, cause confusion, and replay in a person’s mind for days, disrupting their peace,” Erin Leonard, Ph.D. writes.
Ultimately, commenters overwhelmingly agreed that Sadie was right not to let her husband's belittling compliment go unnoticed. By sharing it online, she opened up a meaningful discussion about appropriate humor in relationships. Studies show that it’s healthy for partners to joke around with one another, but when the comments are thinly veiled put-downs and backhanded compliments, it’s no laughing matter.
Husband and wife sit on opposite sides of the couch looking unhappy.Canva Photos.
This article originally appeared last year.
We’re all probably familiar with the term “mansplaining,” when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way. Often, this comes in the form of a man explaining a subject to a woman that she already knows on an expert level. The female neuroscientist who was told by a man that she should read a research paper she actually wrote comes to mind.
Often, mansplaining can show up in small interactions that minimize or infantilize a woman's knowledge and expertise. It can be a man spouting off facts because he thinks it makes him seem interesting, or giving unsolicited fitness advice at the gym in a poorly disguised flirting attempt. But sometimes the irony at play is just too much to bear. Frankly, it's often delicious.
Recently some next-level mansplaining was caught in the wild. Well, at a golf driving range anyway. Georgia Ball, a professional golfer and coach who’s racked up over 3 million likes on TikTok for all her tips and tricks of the sport, was minding her own business while practicing a swing change.
It takes all of two seconds on Google to see that when it comes to incorporating a swing change, golfers need to swing slower, at 50-75% their normal speed…which is what Ball was doing.
And this is what prompted some man to insert his “advice.”
In the clip, we hear the man say “What you are doing there … you shouldn’t be doing that.”
Exhibiting the patience of a nun, Ball simply tells him that she’s going through a swing change.
But her attempts at reason are unfortunately interrupted, multiple times, when the man repeatedly assures her that since he’s been playing golf for 20 years, he knows what he’s talking about.
He then insists, repeatedly cutting her off, that she’s going too slow on her swing and should be following through.
Cue Ball’s incredulous look to the camera.
Watch the whole, cringe-inducing interaction here:
@georgiagolfcoach Can you believe he said this? 😳⛳️👀 #golf #golfswing #golflife #golftok #golftiktok #golfer #golfing #golfgirl #golfpro #golftips #golfclub #drivingrange
Hoping to appease him, Ball finally gives a hearty swing, writing “I knew I had to make this a good one” on the onscreen text.
As the ball sails through the air, the man says “see how much better that was?", completely taking credit for her swing.
Yes. Really. He really said that.
Poor Ball then tries to tell him that even the “best players in the world” slow down their swing when going through a swing change. And she'd know. Not only is she a golf coach, she's a certified PGA professional.
“No, I understand what you’re saying, but I’ve been playing golf for 20 years,” the man repeats. At this point Ball is just “trying to keep it together.”
Women don't need unsolicited male advice, not on the golf course, not at the gym, not anywhere.
Photo by Benny Hassum on Unsplash
Sure, this guy might have not known who Ball was, but it’s pretty evident that the last thing she needed was this guy’s “advice.” And thus, the “mansplaining” jokes commend in the comments section.
Here’s a small sampling:
“As a guy, this is the first time I’ve ever seen ‘mansplaining’ happen.”
“The way he took credit for your next swing.”
“But did you consider that he’s been playing golf for 20 years?”
“*implement nothing he says* ‘See how much better that was’ HAHAHAHAH.”
“My hope is that he comes across this video and it keeps him up at night."
Others couldn’t help but praise Ball for keeping her cool.
“He doesn’t even give you a chance to explain, just forces his opinion and advice onto you. Goon on you for staying calm and polite,” one person wrote.
Of course, others felt Ball was being “too nice” to the man. One even exclaimed, “there’s no reason to be so polite!”
Ball told BBC that it wouldn't be in her nature to shut the man down harshly, even if that's what he deserved. ""I wouldn't interrupt and say that," she says. "I suppose it's just the humble side of me."
@georgiagolfcoach Play a hole with me ⛳️🏌🏽♂️25mph wind 🤯🤣 #golf #golftiktok #golftok #golfer #golfswing #golfing #golflife #golftips #golfcourse #golfclub #golfgirl #golfdrills #playaholewithme #golfpro
Perhaps worst of all, this kind of behavior is pretty common, especially for female athletes. A fellow female golfer even commented “So glad you posted this because it is my BIGGEST frustration when I’m at the driving range. Unfortunately, men always feel the need to comment on my swing or want to coach me. Guys take note: Please don’t.”
On the bright side: as annoying as it is that Ball had to endure that (not to mention what it says about the very real b.s. that women in general have to put up with on the regular) she laughed it off and just went on about her life being awesome at what she does. Just like the other smart, capable women of the world. It’s almost like…maybe women don’t need advice, so much as they need respect? Now there’s a concept.
But for her part, Ball isn't holding onto any grudges over the incident.
"I have a lot of interaction with males and females every single day [on the course]. And I'd say it's mostly always positive," she says. "I'm just glad I can look back at it now and laugh about it because the majority of people and golfers are all just out to help each other."
This article originally appeared last year.