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Expert shares the one way to be in a 'position of power' when talking to someone intimidating

A communications expert shows you how to be comfortable in a tense situation.

via Tim Gouw/Unsplash

A woman in a tough job interview.

We’ve all been in conversations with intimidating people. It could be the boss, someone you met at a party who is highly intelligent, or a date with someone you want to impress but are feeling a bit uncomfortable.

In all these situations, there is an imbalance of power and you feel like you’re on the high end of the teeter-totter.

To learn how to give yourself a bit more power in the interaction and even the upper hand, we need go no further than the landmark book on communications, Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic, “How to Make Friends and Influence People.” In the book, he writes, “Be a good listener. Ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.”

To go a step further, a thoughtful question will make the other person think you’re intelligent, both mentally and emotionally. It may also make them reflective and feel vulnerable, leveling the playing field.



Why is asking great questions so important?

“Asking a question puts you in a position of power,” communication expert Matt Abrahams, a Stanford University lecturer, tells CNBC Make It. “I can actually raise my status and lower your status when I ask a challenging question.” He adds that asking questions “demonstrates you care, it demonstrates empathy, it demonstrates you’re willing to learn and, in some cases, admit you don’t know everything. Those are all valuable tools and assets to have when you’re trying to grow your career or deepen relationships.”

How to ask great questions

Abrahams says that there are three elements to good questions:

  1. They are concise
  2. They build on what the other person has said, furthering the conversation
  3. They revolve around the conversation topic’s bottom line

A great question allows you to enter the person’s orbit and become a partner or contributor to their endeavors. You are now a collaborator in the project or helping them solve a problem, which enables you to deepen your relationship with them.

Alison Wood Brooks and Leslie K. John at Harvard Business Review say people don’t ask enough questions because they fail to understand how beneficial they are, especially in a professional setting. “Questioning is a uniquely powerful tool for unlocking value in organizations: It spurs learning and the exchange of ideas, it fuels innovation and performance improvement, it builds rapport and trust among team members. And it can mitigate business risk by uncovering unforeseen pitfalls and hazards,” they write.



What is the 43:57 conversation rule?

Study after study shows that listening and asking questions are incredibly powerful tools for building social, romantic, or professional relationships. A 2016 study found the perfect ratio of talking to listening in a conversation is the 43:57 rule.

A marketing director at Gong.io analyzed 25,537 sales calls using artificial intelligence and found that the interactions where the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened 57% of the time had the highest sales yield.

Even though this study was conducted on business interactions, it shows the power of what can happen when the customer feels heard and believes the salesperson understands their needs. It’s the same in a social situation where the person you’re talking to wants to feel valued and respected.

Ultimately, it should make many people out there breathe a sigh of relief to know that the next time they speak with someone intimidating, they don’t have to try to bowl them over with incredible wit or insights. Instead, you just have to listen and ask a few thoughtful questions, and you’ll balance the power dynamic while coming off as more likable at the same time.

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$10.19 Big Mac? Fast food myth-busters explain why McDonald's is so expensive now.

Is cheap fast food over?

via Yum9Me/Flickr

A Big Mac value meal with a fudge sundae.

For nearly 70 years, McDonald’s has been the place for an affordable, quick, and predictable meal. However, since 2019, McDonald’s prices have risen drastically, and in many places, it now charges fast-casual prices for fast food, even though the quality is the same. What gives?

Over the past five years, the prices of McDonald’s most popular items have risen an average of 141%.

The Food Theorists, a YouTube page with over 5.4 million subscribers that debunks fast food myths and tells the stories behind your favorite food brands and mascots, explains the hefty price hikes in a 9-minute video.

The primary takeaway is that McDonald’s locations are all franchises, so the individual owners have the right to charge what they wish for a product. That’s why a McDonald’s in Darien, Connecticut, charged $17.59 for a Big Mac value meal. There was no nearby competition and consumers driving by on the interstate had fewer food options.

Food Theory: Why Did McDonald's Get SO Expensive?youtu.be

Conversely, in San Jose, California, one of the most expensive places to live and do business, a Big Mac is still relatively affordable ($5.79) because competition in the area keeps prices down.

Therefore, in an inflationary environment where prices are going up on everything, McDonald’s franchises can raise their prices to whatever consumers bear without facing any business consequences.

“If owners see one place is still thriving with higher prices, they'll increase theirs to get more money, especially when there's a need for what they're selling,” Food Theorists say in the video. “Basically, they can drive up prices to match competition because customers won't stop wanting McDonald's.”

The question is, when does the cycle stop? If businesses continue to one-up each other by raising prices with little consequences, at what point does all fast food become super expensive? When companies with lower prices begin to thrive, the expensive businesses, like McDonald's, are forced to return to Earth.

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Salesman shares the 2 phrases that will make salespeople leave you alone when shopping

"I'm just looking," doesn't work.

via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

A salesman selling a car to a skeptical woman.

It can be intimidating to be approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance. They can swoop in like sharks, seeing blood in the water and some refuse to leave you alone, even if you say, “I’m just looking.”

TikTok's @RussFlipsWhips is a car salesman who went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and providing more effective phrases you can use instead.

"There's two main reasons, and here's what you should say instead of 'I'm just looking,'" he said in a video with over 345,000 views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “Secondly, every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car."


Instead, Russell suggests you say: "Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?" or “I’m really not in the market for a car.”


@russflipswhips

Replying to @SoyPablo This is what I would say #carsales #carsalesman #cardealership #carbuyingtips

The post received funny responses from folks who may not qualify for a loan. “The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down' line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked. “I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.

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Americans are known for being great salespeople. People have some theories about why.

What is it about American culture?

via LinkedIn Sales Solutions/Unsplash and Kindel Media/Pexels

American sales people making deals happen.

Americans are known as some of the best salespeople in the world. The country has been the home of some of the most influential business communicators of all time, like Steve Jobs of Apple or filmmaker Walt Disney. America is also the birthplace of people who became legends for their ability to excite people with their incredible, audacious promotional skills, such as P.T. Barnum or Muhammad Ali.

There’s also a dark side to the uniquely American gift of gab. Americans have the reputation of being masters of BS. Hunter S. Thompson, a writer with a fondness for exaggeration, once referred to America as a “nation of 220 million used car salesmen.”

An X user named Alz, born in Hong Kong, was curious about why Americans are so great at sales, presenting ideas, and (less favorably) BS-ing than people in other countries. The tweet went viral, receiving over 1.4 million views. Nearly everyone agreed that Americans are the world's best salespeople, but there were many different answers to why.

“Why are Americans, on average, so incredibly good at presenting/selling/ (you could uncharitably call it) BS-ing? Is it something about early/middle/high school education? Culture? Parents teaching their kids?” Alz asked.

“I troll, but this is an incredibly important skill, and for some reason observationally, America, which has an early education system few are generally jealous of, seems to systematically produce ppl with a much higher distribution of presentation ability than anywhere else,” Alz continued.

Some respondents believe Americans are great at sales because so many work in the service sector. Over the past 50 years, globalization has altered the labor landscape, with many jobs moving from manufacturing to the service sector. Thus, Americans have learned to place a significant value on those who can communicate one-on-one, such as people who work in hospitality, retail, or personal training.

Others believe Americans have the gift of gab because its education system highly values communication skills, which are favorable in the business world. However, some believe this emphasis comes at the expense of STEM skills, which are seen as more important in other countries.

Many people think Americans are great communicators because it's crucial to be able to sell and persuade in a competitive, free-market capitalist system. If you aren’t able to sell the goods and services you provide and produce, then it doesn’t matter if you’re in business at all. Further, American business culture is also seen as more relationship-based than in other countries, where buying and selling is merely transactional.

It could be that it’s all part of a culture that values openness and confidence which bleeds over into other aspects of American life. Persuasion and sales come a lot more naturally to people who've been raised with zero fear of calling attention to themselves. Outside the business world, Americans are also seen as friendly in social situations and have no problem engaging in small talk with strangers. Americans’ extroverted nature can sometimes shock people who travel to the U.S. on vacation.

Or, it could be that Americans just have a ‘rizz that’s the envy of the world.

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