Demi Lovato in 2013.
For many, gender expression really is a journey, not a destination. It’s an ever-evolving experience and therefore an ongoing conversation. However, having these kinds of conversations might not always feel easy.
Recently, singer Demi Lovato, who in 2021 came out as nonbinary and incorporated “they/them” pronouns exclusively, announced on an episode of the “Spout” podcast that they’d readopted the use of “she/her” pronouns in addition to “they/them.”
The way in which she explained her decision might help normalize the concept of gender fluidity and make conversations around the subject a bit more accessible. At the very least, it might help those who do want to use pronouns interchangeably feel more comfortable about doing so.
“I'm such a fluid person when it comes to my gender, my sexuality, my music, my creativity," Lovato began. She explained that last year, during the time she changed her pronouns to “they,” her energy felt balanced between “masculine and feminine.”She added, “When I was faced with the choice of walking into a bathroom and it said, ‘women’ and ‘men,’ I didn’t feel like there was a bathroom for me because I didn’t feel necessarily like a woman. I didn’t feel like a man [either]."
"I just felt like a human. And that’s what they/them is about. For me, it’s just about feeling human at your core.”
Many nonbinary people opt for gender-neutral pronouns for this reason—because they don’t feel they fit into either gender. Or perhaps they do not wish to conform to societal expectations of either gender. Or they identify differently depending on their environment or different stages of life (also seemingly a factor in Lovato’s case). Really, there are as many reasons behind pronouns choices as there are people in the world to make them.
Lovato continued by sharing that since she incorporated “she/her” on the basis of feeling more “feminine” again. She even tweaked her social media to reflect the change—on Instagram all four pronouns are now listed under her name.
Lovato added the caveat that she didn’t expect everyone to address her correctly right away.
“Nobody’s perfect. Everyone messes up pronouns at some point, especially when people are learning,” she told “Spout,” acknowledging that these sorts of changes can be initially confusing for some. What really matters, Lovato asserted, is the attempt to show “respect.”
This sentiment is echoed by experts and advocates for the LGBTQ+ community. In an interview with NPR, Deputy Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality Rodrigo Heng-Lehtinen said, "I think it's perfectly natural to not know the right words to use at first. We're only human. It takes any of us some time to get to know a new concept. The important thing is to just be interested in continuing to learn. So if you mess up some language, you just say, 'Oh, I'm so sorry,' correct yourself and move forward. No need to make it any more complicated than that. Doing that really simple gesture of apologizing quickly and moving on shows the other person that you care. And that makes a really big difference."
In the same interview, GLAAD communications officer Mary Emily defined this type of respect quite astutely: “It's really just about letting someone know that you accept their identity. And it's as simple as that."
It’s both an individual and collective journey—navigating the evolving terrain of language and ideologies around gender. Hopefully by hearing more of these stories (be it from celebrities or folks in our everyday life) we can better understand these shifting nuances and better connect with each other in the process.
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An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River
Not just coworkers—family, friends, strangers, kids…
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Anything hobbit-esque can't be wrong. 
But what if you need pain meds AND mascara?!
Imagine how this would affect childcare.
Honestly…where's the lie?
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Urgent dash to the bathroom! 🚪🏃♂️
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."