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A research expert says dad jokes aren't just delightful, they're great for child development

Dads, you were right all along. 😂👍

dad jokes, british psychology society, humor

Grandpa, dad and son take a funny photo.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.

My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe…

Dad jokes tend to be simple, inoffensive attempts at humor that are often puns and never funny. Except, of course, to the dad who tells them. But he usually gets more of a kick out of the embarrassment it caused his children than the joke itself.

According to a new essay, that’s the exact point.


Marc Hye-Knudsen, a humor researcher and the lab manager at Aarhus University’s Cognition and Behavior Lab, wrote an article in the British Psychological Society that explains how dad jokes teach children how to be resilient.

The article’s title is an embarrassing dad joke in and of itself: “Dad jokes? That’s the way eye roll…”

In the article, Hye-Knudson shows how dad jokes are an extension of a father’s more aggressive parenting style. Dads are often the parent to initiate playfighting, which seems social at first glance, but on a deeper level, helps to train kids to be stronger, more resilient and discover personal boundaries.

In the same way, dad jokes work to teach children how to handle embarrassing situations for themselves and their parents.

“Ideally, fathers’ rougher style of joking fulfills a similar function: by teasingly striking at their children’s egos and emotions without teetering over into bullying, fathers build their children’s resilience and train them to withstand minor attacks and bouts of negative emotion without getting worked up or acting out, teaching them impulse control and emotional regulation,” Hye-Knudson quotes Dr. Peter Gray.

This badgering is even more helpful when children reach adolescence and are more prone to embarrassment. “In this sense, dad jokes may have a positive pedagogical effect, toughening up the kids who are begrudgingly exposed to them,” Hye-Knudson writes.

The term “dad joke” may have originated in America, but the same concept exists in other cultures, suggesting that the parenting strategy may be deeply rooted in human psychology.

In addition to toughening up children by exposing them to embarrassment, it also shows a willingness to be embarrassed on the dad’s behalf. This is another way for a father to model how to handle embarrassment and show that it’s not that big of a deal to be the butt of a joke.

The joke makes the subtle point to the child that if an adult can handle mild humiliation, they can, too.

Ultimately, the dad joke appears to be a way for fathers to teach their kids that it’s OK to put yourself out there in the world without worrying about what other people think. And, if you happen to fail, that’s OK; get back on the proverbial horse and try again. It’s a valuable lesson for kids because resilience will play a big role in the child’s future success, whether in relationships, creativity or professional life.

"By continually telling their children jokes that are so bad that they’re embarrassing, fathers may push their children’s limits for how much embarrassment they can handle,” Hye-Knudson writes. "They show their children that embarrassment isn’t fatal."

Peter Dinklage on "Game of Thrones?

When it comes to actors doing accents across the pond, some Americans are known for their great British accents, such as Natalie Portman ("The Other Boleyn Girl"), Robert Downey, Jr. ("Sherlock Homes"), and Meryl Streep ("The Iron Lady").

Some have taken a lot of heat for their cartoonish or just plain weird-sounding British accents, Dick Van Dyke ("Mary Poppins"), Kevin Costner ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") and Keanu Reeves ("Bram Stoker's Dracula").

Some actors, such as Tom Hardy (“The Drop”) and Hugh Laurie (“House”), have American accents so good that people have no idea they are British.

Benedict Townsend, a London-based comedian and host of the “Scroll Deep” podcast, says there is one word that American actors playing characters with a British accent never get right. And no, it’s not the word “Schedule,” which British people pronounce the entire first 3 letters, and Americans boil down to 2. And it’s not “aluminum,” which British and American people seem to pronounce every stinking letter differently.

@benedicttown

The one word American actors aways get wrong when doing an English accent

What word do American actors always get wrong when they do British accents?

“There is one word that is a dead giveaway that an English character in a movie or a TV show is being played by an American. One word that always trips them up. And once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it,” Townsend says. “You would see this lot in ‘Game of Thrones’ and the word that would always trip them up was ‘daughter.’”

Townsend adds that when British people say “daughter,” they pronounce it like the word “door” or “door-tah.” Meanwhile, Americans, even when they are putting on a British accent, say it like “dah-ter.”

“So top tip if you are an actor trying to do an English accent, daughter like a door. Like you're opening a door,” Townsend says.



What word do British actors always get wrong when doing American accents?

Some American commenters returned the favor by sharing the word that British actors never get right when using American accents: “Anything.”

"I can always tell a Brit playing an American by the word anything. An American would say en-ee-thing. Brits say it ena-thing,” Dreaming_of_Gaea wrote. "The dead giveaway for English people playing Americans: ‘Anything.’ Brits always say ‘EH-nuh-thin,’” marliemagill added.

"I can always tell an actor is English playing an American when they say ‘anything.’ English people always say it like ‘enny-thin,’” mkmason wrote.



What is the cot-caught merger?

One commenter noted that the problem goes back to the cot-caught merger, when Americans in the western US and Canadians began to merge different sounds into one. People on the East Coast and in Britain pronounce them as different sounds.

“Depending on where you live, you might be thinking one of two things right now: Of course, ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound exactly the same! or There’s no way that ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound the same!” Laura McGrath writes at DoYouReadMe. “As a result, although the different spellings remain, the vowel sounds in the words cot/caught, nod/gnawed, stock/stalk are identical for some English speakers and not for others.”

American actors owe Townsend a debt of gratitude for pointing out the one thing that even the best can’t seem to get right. He should also give the commenters a tip of the cap for sharing the big word that British people have trouble with when doing an American accent. Now, if we could just get through to Ewan McGregor and tell him that even though he is fantastic in so many films, his American accent still needs a lot of work.

This article originally appeared last year.

A parent has to tell their child no in the supermarket.

Anyone who has ever been to the grocery store with a 4-year-old knows kids can ask the same question countless times without hesitation. They ask for a candy bar, and you say no. Three minutes later, down the canned veggies aisle, they ask for a candy bar, and you say no. Two minutes later, you’re checking out the steaks, and they ask again, and you say no.

The repetitive questions can be annoying and make you feel like you’re not getting through to your kid. You may also secretly fear that this questioning will never end, and they will one day be teenagers asking, “Dad, can you get me a candy bar?” a dozen times a day. Fear not. This usually subsides with age, but if you have a young child and want to stop it now, “Master” Tommy, a pediatric therapist, has a strategy you can use.

Tommy is the father of two and has worked with children, especially those admitted to in-patient treatment, for “many years.” He uses the term "Master" to describe himself because he has a Master's degree. If those with doctorates are called "Doctors," why shouldn't he be a "Master"?

In a viral Instagram post, a mother asked Tommy a big question: What do I do when my child keeps asking for something “relentlessly,” and I’ve already said “no?”


How do I stop my child from asking the same question over and over again?

“A simple point would be maintain your composure remain calm,” Tommy says. “If you yell at them or change your emotion, then the kid is more likely to believe that you can change your decision. We like to call it the Broken Record Technique, where you just repeat yourself over and over again the same way without escalating your tone of voice. So that they know no matter how they act or respond, the answer is still going to be no.”

It’s interesting that young children will keep asking the question if they feel there is a change in your emotions. They think that if you keep getting angrier, eventually, they can wear you down, and you’ll say “yes.” It’s a brilliant but infuriating strategy. "So, if they can change my emotion, they think they can change my decision?" the mother asked, and Tommy affirmed.

Many people in the comments added that they have a phrase that helps reduce repetitive questioning from their children. “‘Asked and answered’ is what we say in my home. Consistency is key,” a parent shared. “‘Asked and answered’ is what I would say to my kids. The first time, they kept asking, but after a few days, I only had to respond with it once or twice.”


A commenter asked whether it was okay for parents to walk away from their kids or ignore them if they continue to ask the same question. “It is more effective to address concerns through open communication rather than raising one's voice or making threats,” Tommy answered. “Changing the subject can be a useful strategy, as can reminding individuals of your previous responses. However, walking away may be perceived as checking out from them. They may be seeking affirmation to feel more secure.”

Why is it important for parents to set boundaries?

Some parents may have a hard time setting firm boundaries and give in from time to time when their children ask the same question repeatedly. Parents who do so to keep their children happy should know that it causes them a lot of distress in the long run because they will feel compelled to control situations. Parent educator Janet Lansbury has seen firsthand the changes that happen when parents begin to set boundaries with their children. “Formerly clingy and demanding children are suddenly able to stop trying to control every situation with parents or peers. They are able to focus on play, socialize with their peers, participate in snack time, loosen up enough to laugh and express joy. This is freedom,” Lansbury says, according to The Parent Hood.

If your child pesters you with the same question repeatedly, it may be frustrating and hard to keep calm. However, knowing that if you can hold it together and stand your ground, there’s a good chance the questions will end. That’ll make things peaceful for you and your child, who can relax knowing they don't have to worry about controlling the situation.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

More neighbor interactions like this, please.

Unless you’re living on some vast acreage in the middle of nowhere, you’re probably going to interact with a neighbor or two. That goes double for the 44 million Americans who are apartment dwellers. And of course, not all of these interactions will be pleasant. There’s gonna be times when we, or our neighbor, don’t exactly take others’ boundaries into consideration. These moments of conflict can—and let’s face it, often do—turn into ugly, drawn out rivalries unnecessarily.

Luckily, in this case, the opposite happened. A woman recently shared online how she “had to get out of bed” at 12:30 am to ask her neighbor, who apparently had been watching Super Bowl recaps, to “turn it down.” Not only did the neighbor not get defensive about this request, he left a pretty sweet apology gift outside her door the next morning.

Along with a bottle of California Roots wine, the neighbor left a note, which read:

“Good Morning,

I got too carried away watching recaps from the Superbowl, and I didn’t realize how loud my TV was. I’m so sorry for not being considerate with the volume.”

Okay, amazing. This person took accountability and acknowledged how their actions affected someone else. Pretty stellar apology already, but he took it one step further to really make his neighbor feel heard and thought of, and leave some good vibes.

His note continued:

“In positive news, the cookies ya’ll made for Christmas were amazing! Please allow me to return the favor. -1723.”

Seems like the neighbor made the right call, since the OP would later write, “It's good wine! Never had this brand before, but I definitely recommend it.”

All in all, people were really impressed with how both of them handled the situation. One person congratulated them “for “spontaneously demonstrating how to be an adult. This is how all interactions should be, with each taking responsibility and no one getting butt-hurt that they were having their rights curtailed.” Another echoed,, “Awesome! And a classy reply!”

Here are a few other honorable mentions:

"This is how you neighbor.”

“So good to know that there are still decent people out there.”

“More of this is needed in the world.”

“Wouldn't it be great if everyone was more like this? I miss civilized society, I didn't realize people were still this considerate these days.”

What makes a good apology?

Do all apologies, neighbor oriented or otherwise, need to include a gift of some sort? Of course not. However, there are some key ingredients needed. Six, or six and a half(ish), to be exact, according to Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy, the authors of the book Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies.

Those six (and a half) components, listed in order or “importance” are:

  • Actually using the words “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.”
  • Specifying the transgression you’re apologizing for.
  • Showing you understand why your actions were harmful and hurtful, as well as what effect it had on the other person.
  • Offering an explanation if needed, while avoiding making excuses
  • Expressing what you are doing to ensure this situation won’t happen again.
  • Offering to fix what’s broken — be it with physically damaged time (replacing a broken vase), or emotional damage (attending a loved one’s event)
  • Bonus ingredient—listening to the experience of the person who was wronged.

This neighbor clearly had many, if not most, of these elements covered in his letter, which not only resolved the issue, but provided an opportunity for connection between himself and his neighbor. This is the opportunity we miss out on in refusing to apologize, or offering an insincere apology. Perhaps by swallowing our pride (in moments where it’s appropriate, obviously) we, in turn, invite the gift of connection in. Suddenly “sorry” doesn't feel so scary to say.

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The longer I'm alive, it seems the more people's names that I have to remember. With two kids in school, sports, and other activities, I find myself trying to keep track of dozens of different friends, teammates, siblings, coaches, teachers, and of course, parents. It makes my brain hurt! Lately I've had half a mind to start a spreadsheet so I can start remembering Who's Who.

In order for that to work, I've got to find a way to stop people's names leaving my head immediately after I'm introduced. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It's like people say their name and it just zips right into one ear and out the other! And for that, I went looking for tips when I stumbled upon a good one from a unique sort of expert.

Derren Brown is one of the most famous mentalists in the world, so he knows a thing or two about people. Mentalists are a special breed of magician that focus on tricks and illusions of the mind.

They do things like hynopsis, mind-reading, and impossible predictions. There's trickery, involved, of course; but mentalists are also masters at reading people and have to employ advanced memory techniques to keep track of information they learn during their shows.

In an interview with Big Think, Brown revealed some of his favorite memory hacks; including his 'party trick' to never forget a person's name.

Giphy

The secret is to create a link between the part of your brain that stores information like names, and the visual part of your brain that is more easily accessed.

"You find a link between the person's name and something about their appearance, what they're wearing, their face, their hair, something," Brown says. "You find a link with something that they're wearing so if they're called Mike and they've got big black hair you think, 'Oh that's like a microphone' so I can imagine like a big microphone walking around or if they've got a stripy T-shirt on you imagine a microphone with those stripes going around it.

"And it's the same process later on in the evening you see them, you look at the stripes and you go, 'Oh that's Mike. Oh yeah that's Mike. The hair, why am I thinking the hair is like a big microphone? Oh yes, of course, they're called Mike.'"

Microphone Mike! Any sort of alliteration based on a physical characteristic will work. Stripey Steve, Tall Tim, Green Gene. The more interesting and unique, the better you'll remember.

There is one catch with the technique: You have to actually listen and pay attention when someone tells you their name!

"So, you do have to listen that's the first thing when they say the name," Brown says. "Normally the very moment where someone is giving you their name you're just caught up in a whole lot of social anxiety anyways you don't even hear it, so you have to listen."

Using someone's name when you talk to them has tons of benefits. It conveys respect, friendliness, and intimacy. When you're on the receiving end and someone you've just met uses your name, it just feels good! It feels like it matters to them that they met you.

"And then at the end [of the party] you get to go around and say goodbye to everybody by name and everyone thinks you're very charming and clever," Brown quips.

Listen to the entire, fascinating interview here.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Brown's name-remembering technique is tangential to an ancient philosophy called the "Method of loci".

The method involves attaching things to be remembered (numbers, tasks, facts) to specific places that are easy to visualize in your head. Imagine taking a brain-walk down the street you live on and all the objects or places you might see there. The mailbox, the gnarled tree, the rusty fire hydrant. This memory method asks you to visually associate one thing you want to remember with each item or location. The more strange and visual the image you can create, the better! Brown uses the example of trying to shove a sparkling-clean shirt into his mailbox, reminding him to do his drycleaning.

When you need to recall the item, you just take a little walk in your head down the street.

(Did you know that there's a World Championship of Memory? Most of the best competitors use a version of this technique.)

Giphy

The name hack isn't so dissimilar. You're attaching an intangible, abstract thing (a name) to a specific visual image you can see in your head and even in the real world. But that's just one way of getting better at remembering names! There are all kinds of tips, hacks, and methods you can try.

Some people swear by repeating the name immediately after hearing it. "Hi, my name is Jake." "Hi, Jake, nice to meet you!" (Just don't say someone's name too frequently or you risk coming off a bit slimy.)

Others use a technique similar to Brown's loci idea, but instead of a visual, you lean on things that are already deeply engrained in your memory, like rhymes or free-association. or even celebrities. Mary - had a little lamb. Jake - the Snake. Daisy - flowers. Tom - Cruise.

Another trick (that I've definitely used before) if you do forget someone's name? Introduce them to someone you know! "Hey, this is my wife, Sarah." The person was almost always introduce themselves using their own name, and then you get a second chance at remembering it.

A lot of the best advice really comes down to being intentional about remembering when you're introduced to a new person. Whatever mental gymnastics you choose to do with the name, the mere fact that you're thinking about it with such focus immediately after is a big part of why these 'tricks' help names stick.

It feels really good when someone cares enough to remember your name, so it's definitely worth putting in a little effort of trying to instill that feeling in others.