Australian in the U.S. says she thinks it's rude that Americans don't say 'You're welcome'
Who's being more polite?

An Australian woman thinks it's rude that Americans don't say, "You're welcome."
There’s been a growing trend amongst American Gen Zers and millennials to stop saying, “You're welcome,” after being thanked. Older generations may think the change is part of a more significant trend of younger people having more lax manners, but in actuality, younger people believe that giving a simple “OK” or “Mm-hmm” after being thanked is more polite than saying, “You're welcome.”
Recently, Australian TikTok user Tilly Hokianga vented her frustrations with Americans in a viral post entitled, “Things That Send Me as an Australian Living in the US.” A lot of the points she made were pretty typical for someone visiting the United States, such as there's too much sugar in the bread and too many options for cereal.
However, she also noted that Americans have difficulty saying, “You’re welcome.”
"I don't understand. Talking to an American, you say, 'Thank you,' and they're always just like, 'Mm-hmm,” Hokianga said in the post. "I just said, 'Thank you.' You should say, 'You're welcome,' or 'It's all good,' or 'No worries,' not f**king 'Mm-hmm.'"
The post resonated with many people, racking up 3.8 million views and leading to a series of videos where she talks about other things that “send her” in America.
Tilly Hokianga explains what she doesn't understand about Americans.
The post caught the attention of Millie (@rosegoldmillie), an American who has spent time in Australia who thinks she isn’t being rude when she doesn’t say, “You’re welcome.” Instead, she believes that on a deeper level, people should always look out for one another, so thank yous aren’t necessary.
Warning: Strong language.
@rosegoldmillie #stitch with @tilly_hokianga #american #australian #british #manners #differences #travelling #overseas #fypfypfyp
She has a good point. You thank someone for going out of their way. If you believe that humans should always be helpful to one another, why acknowledge the act? Not everything has to be transactional.
"Someone would say, 'Thank you,' and I would say, 'Yep! Oh, uh, I mean, 'You're welcome!'" Millie said in her post. "Because to me, it's kind of rude. Like, it's not rude, but saying, 'Yep' and 'Sure' is the equivalent to saying, 'No problem,' and that is more polite in America than saying, 'You're welcome.'"
"When you say, 'You're welcome,' there's an implication in our brains that says, 'I did you a favor, and I deserve a thank you.' But when we say, 'Mm-hmm,' or like, 'Sure,' it's this implication of 'Of course, I would do that for you,'" she continued. "I don't deserve a thank you, like, it was the least I could do."
The response video received over 2.2 million views, and many people agreed with her.
“I remember switching from ‘you're welcome’ to ‘sure’ to ‘yeah’ for this reason,” Kelli Crockett wrote in the comments. “‘You're welcome’ is usually used sarcastically here. I think that's also part of why it feels rude like you're welcome is what you say when you're [mad emoji],” BeevesofTime added.
“OK, this is the opposite of what I think and was taught, but explains why I hear it,” FlyGal responded.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.