The "sharing struggle" is something every parent can relate to.
There's a swarm of kids on the playground. One comes up to your kid and wants to play with whatever toy they have.
Immediately, we spring into action.
"Share, sweetheart! You have to share!"
But do they have to share? Do they really?
One mom doesn't think so.
Alanya Kolberg recently explained on Facebook why she tells her son that it's OK to say "no."
She recounted a recent visit to the playground when her son, Carson, was bombarded by a group of boys demanding he share his toys.
Instead of simply trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict, Kolberg had a different message for her young son:
"You can tell them no, Carson," I said. "Just say no. You don't have to say anything else."
MY CHILD IS NOT REQUIRED TO SHARE WITH YOURS.As soon as we walked in the park, Carson was approached by at least 6...
Posted by Alanya Kolberg on Wednesday, April 19, 2017
"Of course, as soon as he said no, the boys ran to tattle to me that he was not sharing," she wrote.
"I said, 'He doesn't have to share with you. He said no. If he wants to share, he will.'"
Kolberg wrote that she got plenty of dirty looks from the other parents, but she explained her reasoning:
"If I, an adult, walked into the park eating a sandwich, am I required to share my sandwich with strangers in the park? No! Would any well-mannered adult, a stranger, reach out to help themselves to my sandwich, and get huffy if I pulled it away? No again."
"The goal is to teach our children how to function as adults," she wrote. "While I do know some adults who clearly never learned how to share as children, I know far more who don't know how to say no to people, or how to set boundaries, or how to practice self-care."
Saying no to sharing may sound counterintuitive, but when you think about it, Kolberg's message makes perfect sense.
"As an Educator, I completely agree with this. When children are not taught to assert themselves when necessary, it leads to so many situations of bullying," wrote one commenter.
Though not everyone agrees:
"I'm sorry but nothing material is worth a fight. I will share everything and anything I can," responded another.
Of course we want our kids to share. Of course we want them to show affection to grandma and grandpa. But isn't it equally (or more) important that they know their own comfort and happiness matter?
Judging by the viral reaction to Kolberg's post, plenty of parents out there think the answer ought to be yes.
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."