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6 alternatives to saying 'let me know if you need anything' to someone in crisis

If someone is drowning, you don't wait for them to ask for help. You just take action.

woman crying with her hand on a rainy window
Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

People going through major struggles don't always know what they need or how to ask for help.

When we see someone dealing with the loss of a loved one or some other major life crisis, it's instinctual for many of us to ask how we can help. Often, the conversation looks something like this:

Us: I am SO sorry you're going through this. What can I do to help?

Person in crisis: I honestly don't know right now.

Us: Okay…well…you let me know if you need anything—anything at all.

Person in crisis: Okay, thank you.

Us: I mean it. Don't hesitate to ask. I'm happy to help with whatever you need.

And then…crickets. The person never reaches out to take you up on the offer.

Was it that they didn't really need any help, this person going through a major life crisis? Unlikely. As sincere as our offer may have been, the problem may be that we didn't really offer them what they actually needed.

One of those needs is to not have to make decisions. Another is to not have to directly ask for help.

When a person is in a state of crisis, they can feel like they're drowning. They might be disoriented and fatigued, and doing anything other than keeping their head above water long enough to breathe can feel like too much.

If someone is drowning, you don't ask them what you can do to help or wait for them to ask. Youjust take action.

Here are some specific ways you can take action to help someone who you know needs help but isn't able or willing to ask for it:

1. Make them food

It may be tempting to ask if you can make them a meal and wait for them to say yes or no, but don't. Simply ask if they or anyone in their household has any dietary restrictions, and then start shopping and cooking.

Meals that can be popped in the refrigerator or freezer and then directly into the oven or microwave are going to be your best bets. Include cooking or reheating instructions if it's not obvious. Disposable aluminum trays are great for homemade freezer-to-oven meals and can be found at just about any grocery store. Casseroles. Stir fried rices. Soups. Comfort foods.

If you don't cook, you can buy them gift cards to local restaurants that deliver, or give them a DoorDash or UberEats gift certificate (large enough to cover the delivery, service fees and tip as well, which combined can be as much as a meal sometimes).

lasagna in the oven

Easy-prep meals people can throw in the oven are great.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Even better—organize a meal train

If you want to make it a community-wide effort and no one else has done so yet, set up a "meal train," where different people sign up for different days to bring meals to spread out the food help over time. There are several free websites you can use for this purpose, including Give In Kind, Meal Train, and Take Them a Meal. These sites make it super easy for anyone with the personalized link to sign up for a meal.

someone scrubbing a pot in a kitchen sink

There are always dishes to wash.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

2. Clean their kitchen and/or bathrooms

Kitchens are always in use, and keeping up with dishes, especially in a house full of people, is a challenge even under normal circumstances. Same with keeping the refrigerator cleaned out. Same with cleaning the bathroom.

Rather than asking if they want it done, as many people won't want to say yes even if they would appreciate the help, try saying something like, "I want to come and make sure your kitchen is ready for you to make food whenever you want to and that your bathroom is a clean space for you to escape to whenever you feel like it. Is Tuesday or Wednesday at 1:00 better for you?"

The fewer complex decisions a person in crisis has to make the better, so saying, "Is this or that better?" rather than offering open-ended possibilities can be helpful.

woman folding clothes

There is always laundry to fold, too.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

3. Do laundry

Offer to sit and chat with them, let them vent if they need to…and fold their laundry while you're at it.

Are they the kind of people who might be embarrassed by you seeing or handling their underclothes? Fine. Wash, dry and fold towels or bedsheets instead. Just keep the laundry moving for them.

And if it doesn't feel appropriate or desirable for you to do their laundry at their house, you can offer a pick-up laundry service, either yourself or an actual hired service. Tell the person to put bags or bins of laundry at the door and you (or the service) will come pick it up and bring it back clean and folded the next day. That's a great way to be of service without feeling like you're intruding.

man pulling food and toilet paper out of the car

Offer to pick stuff up when you're on a grocery run.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

4. Run errands for them

"Hey, I'm heading out to the store, what can I grab you while I'm there?" is always a welcome phone call or text. Let them know when you're going to be running your own errands and see if there's anything they need dropped at the post office, picked up from the pharmacy, or anything else.

You can also offer to run errands with them. "Hey, I've got some errands to run. Do you want to join me?" They may have no desire to leave the house, or they may desperately want to leave the house, so be prepared for either answer, but the offer is solid. Even just not having to drive might be a relief if they have things they need to pick up or drop off places.

woman holding hands with a small child as they walk

Caring for someone's kids is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

5. Provide childcare

If the person is a parent, taking their kid(s) out for a chunk of the day can be a big help. Caring for yourself is hard when you're going through a difficult time, and the energy a person might use to actually do that often gets usurped by caring for others. Obviously, parents can't just neglect their children, so anything you can do to relieve them of that responsibility for a while is gold.

Offering to take the kids to do something fun—a day at the park, ice skating, etc. is even better. A parent knowing their kid is safe, occupied, and happy is its own form of relief.

6. Ask what they're struggling with and focus your help there

While all of these practical household things are helpful, there might be some people who find comfort or solace in doing those things themselves. If that's the case, talk with them about what their immediate needs are and what they're having a hard time dealing with. Then focus your energies there. "What can I do to help?" may not be as effective a question as "What are you having a hard time doing right now?" They may not know what kind of help they need, but they probably know how they're struggling.

One person might be lonely and just want some company. Another person might need a creative outlet or a mindless distraction or something physical like going for a walk or a hike. Someone else might have pets they need help caring for, a garden that needs tending, or the oil changed in their car. Someone might even need a person to serve as a shield or buffer between them and all the people coming to offer their condolences.

Note that many of these things are basic life maintenance stuff—those are often the things that get hard for people when they're dealing with the emotional and logistical stuff surrounding whatever they're going through, and they're often the easiest things other people can do for them. A time of crisis is not a normal time, so normal etiquette, such as asking if you can or should do something rather than just letting them know you're going to do it, doesn't always apply.

If there's a specific thing with specific tasks, such as planning a funeral, that might be a good opportunity to ask how you can help. But people deep in the throes of grief or struggle often need someone to take the reins on basic things without being asked to. Again, there's a good chance they feel like they're drowning, so don't wait for an invitation. Just grab the life preserver, put it around them and do whatever needs to be done to get them to shore.

Note: This advice is especially relevant now as Californians struggle with the Wildfire Crisis. In light of many losing their homes, possessions, and loved ones, knowing how to help and what to do might be even more difficult. Check out our Community Resource Guide for ways to offer aid and relief to those impacted.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Education

Why didn't people smile in old-timey photographs? A smile meant something different back then.

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s.

via Public Domain

Photos from the 1800s were so serious.

If you've ever perused photographs from the 19th and early 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious everyone looked. If there's a hint of a smile at all, it's oh-so-slight, but more often than not, our ancestors looked like they were sitting for a sepia-toned mug shot or being held for ransom or something. Why didn't people smile in photographs? Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled? Were dour, sour expressions just the norm?

Most often, people's serious faces in old photographs are blamed on the long exposure time of early cameras, and that's true. Taking a photo was not an instant event like it is now; people had to sit still for many minutes in the 1800s to have their photo taken.

Ever try holding a smile for only one full minute? It's surprisingly difficult and very quickly becomes unnatural. A smile is a quick reaction, not a constant state of expression. Even people we think of as "smiley" aren't toting around full-toothed smiles for minutes on end. When you had to be still for several minutes to get your photo taken, there was just no way you were going to hold a smile for that long.

But there are other reasons besides long exposure times that people didn't smile in early photographs.


mona lisa, leonardo da vinci, classic paintings, famous smiles, art"Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci, painted in 1503Public domain

The non-smiling precedent had already been set by centuries of painted portraits

The long exposure times for early photos may have contributed to serious facial expressions, but so did the painted portraits that came before them. Look at all of the portraits of famous people throughout history prior to cameras. Sitting to be painted took hours, so smiling was out of the question. Other than the smallest of lip curls like the Mona Lisa, people didn't smile for painted portraits, so why would people suddenly think it normal to flash their pearly whites (which were not at all pearly white back then) for a photographed one? It simply wasn't how it was done.

A smirk? Sometimes. A full-on smile? Practically never.

old photos, black and white photos, algerian immigrant, turban, Algerian immigrant to the United States. Photographed on Ellis Island by Augustus F. Sherman.via William Williams/Wikimedia Commons

Smiling usually indicated that you were a fool or a drunkard

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s. In explaining why smiling was considered taboo in portraits and early photos, art historian Nicholas Jeeves wrote in Public Domain Review:

"Smiling also has a large number of discrete cultural and historical significances, few of them in line with our modern perceptions of it being a physical signal of warmth, enjoyment, or indeed of happiness. By the 17th century in Europe it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment […] Showing the teeth was for the upper classes a more-or-less formal breach of etiquette."

drunks, classic painting, owls, malle babbe, paintings"Malle Babbe" by Frans Hals, sometime between 1640 and 1646Public domain


In other words, to the Western sensibility, smiling was seen as undignified. If a painter did put a smile on the subject of a portrait, it was a notable departure from the norm, a deliberate stylistic choice that conveyed something about the artist or the subject.

Even the artists who attempted it had less-than-ideal results. It turns out that smiling is such a lively, fleeting expression that the artistically static nature of painted portraits didn't lend itself well to showcasing it. Paintings that did have subjects smiling made them look weird or disturbing or drunk. Simply put, painting a genuine, natural smile didn't work well in portraits of old.

As a result, the perception that smiling was an indication of lewdness or impropriety stuck for quite a while, even after Kodak created snapshot cameras that didn't have the long exposure time problem. Even happy occasions had people nary a hint of joy in the photographs that documented them.

Another reason why people didn't smile in old photos is that dental hygiene wasn't the same as it is today, and people may have been self-conscious about their teeth. “People had lousy teeth, if they had teeth at all, which militated against opening your mouth in social settings,” Angus Trumble, the director of the National Portrait Gallery in Canberra, Australia, and author of A Brief History of the Smile, said, according to Time.


wedding party photo, wedding, old weddings, black and white, serious photos, no smilesEven wedding party photos didn't appear to be joyful occasions.Wikimedia Commons


Then along came movies, which may have changed the whole picture

So how did we end up coming around to grinning ear to ear for photos? Interestingly enough, it may have been the advent of motion pictures that pushed us towards smiling being the norm.

Photos could have captured people's natural smiles earlier—we had the technology for taking instant photos—but culturally, smiling wasn't widely favored for photos until the 1920s. One theory about that timing is that the explosion of movies enabled us to see emotions of all kinds playing out on screen, documenting the fleeting expressions that portraits had failed to capture. Culturally, it became normalized to capture, display and see all kind of emotions on people's faces. As we got more used to that, photo portraits began portraying people in a range of expression rather than trying to create a neutral image of a person's face.

Changing our own perceptions of old photo portraits to view them as neutral rather than grumpy or serious can help us remember that people back then were not a bunch of sourpusses, but people who experienced as wide a range of emotion as we do, including joy and mirth. Unfortunately, we just rarely get to see them in that state before the 1920s.

This article originally appeared last year.

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The real-life love story of Maria and Georg Von Trapp we didn't see in 'The Sound of Music'

"I really and truly was not in love."

Photo credit: Public domain

Maria Von Trapp was not in love with Georg when they got married, but that changed.

The Sound of Music has been beloved for generations, partially for the music (and Julie Andrews' angelic voice), partially for the historical storyline, and partially for the love story between Maria and Georg Von Trapp. The idea of a nun-in-training softening the heart of a curmudgeonly widower, falling in love with him, and ultimately becoming a big, happy family is just an irresistible love story.

But it turns out the real love story behind their union is even more fascinating.

maria von trapp, georg von trapp, the sound of music, love story, historyMaria Von Trapp (left) was played by Julie Andrews and her husband Georg was played by Christopher Plummer in "The Sound of Music."Photo credit: Public domain

The National Archives has collected information about what's fact and what's fiction in The Sound of Music, which is based on a real family in Austria named Von Trapp. The film was generally based on the first section of Maria Von Trapp's 1949 autobiography, The Story of the Trapp Family Singers, with some of the details being true and others fictionalized for a movie audience.

For instance, Maria was actually hired on as a tutor for just one of Georg's children, not as a governess for all of them. The children, whose names, ages and sexes were changed, were already musically inclined before Maria arrived. Georg was not the cold, grumpy dad he was portrayed as in the beginning of the film, but rather a warm and involved parent who enjoyed making music with his kids. Maria and Georg were married 11 years before leaving Austria, not right before the Nazi takeover. The Von Trapps left by train, not in a secret excursion over the mountains.

But perhaps the most intriguing detail? Maria was not in love with Georg at all when they got married.

gif, the sound of music, von trapp family, movie, true eventsSound Of Music Flag GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy

It doesn't initially make for a great Hollywood romance, but the Von Trapp love story began with marriage for other reasons and evolved into a genuine love story. Maria wrote that she fell in love with Georg's children at first sight, but she wasn't sure about leaving her religious calling when Georg asked her to marry him. The nuns urged her to do God's will and marry him, but for Maria it was all about the children, not him. When Georg proposed, he asked her to stay with him and become a second mother to his children. "God must have made him word it that way," Maria wrote, "because if he had only asked me to marry him I might not have said yes."

"I really and truly was not in love," she wrote. "I liked him but didn't love him. However, I loved the children, so in a way I really married the children."

However, she shared that her feelings for Georg changed over time. "…[B]y and by I learned to love him more than I have ever loved before or after."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The idea of marrying someone you don't love is antithetical to every romantic notion our society celebrates, yet the evolution of Maria's love for Georg has been a common occurrence across many cultures throughout history. Romantic love was not always the primary impetus for marriage. It was more often an economic proposition and communal arrangement that united families and peoples, formed the basis of alliances, and enabled individuals to rise through social ranks. Some cultures still practice arranged marriage, which limited research has found has outcomes identical to love-first marriage in reports of passionate love, companionate love, satisfaction, and commitment. The idea of marrying someone you don't already love is anathema to modern Western sensibilities, but the reality is that people have married over the centuries for many reasons, only one of which is falling in love.

Maria's marriage to Georg actually was about falling in love, but not with him. She loved his children and wanted to be with them. It definitely helped that she liked the guy, but she wasn't swept off her feet by him, there were no moonlit confessions of love a la "Something Good," and their happily ever after love story didn't come until much later.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Ultimately, Maria and Georg's love story was one for the ages, just not one that fits the Hollywood film trope. And it's a compelling reminder that our unwritten rules and social norms determining what love and marriage should look like aren't set in stone. Do marriages for reasons other than love always evolve into genuine love? No. Do marriages based on falling in love first always last? Also no. Should a marriage that starts with "like" and develops into to a genuine, deep love over years be considered "true love" in the way we usually think of it? Who can say? Lots to ponder over in this love story.

But Maria's description of learning "to love him more than I have ever loved before or after" is a pretty high bar, so clearly it worked for them. The Von Trapps were married for 20 years and had three more children together before Georg died of lung cancer in 1947. Maria would live another four decades and never remarried. She died in 1987 at age 82 and is buried next to Georg on the family's property in Vermont.

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Humor

13 everyday idioms that make zero sense until you know where they come from

Sweating like a pig? Pigs don't sweat!

Images via Unsplash

Images of idioms.

I've always really liked cliches, idioms, proverbs, and common phrases we like to use over and over. They can get repetitive at times, but they're crucial tools in communication. They allow us to convey so much meaning in so few words—a commonly understood shorthand that can get complex points across quickly.

The only problem is that many of the most popular idioms in common use date back hundreds of years. In that time, they've either become outdated or seen their words adopt new meanings. In some cases the idioms have been shortened or reversed, losing important context. So when someone tells you to "bite the bullet," you may inherently know what they mean—but if you really stop and think about it, you have no idea why it means what it means.

If you're a word nerd like me, you'll be absolutely fascinated by the origin and evolution of some of these common idioms, and how they came to mean what they mean today.

1. Sick as a dog / Working like a dog

gif, dog, working, idioms, funny, sickDog hard at workGiphy

Ever have a cold and tell someone you're "sicker than a dog?" Kind of rude to dogs, in my opinion, and a little strange. I've had dogs my whole life and can't remember any of them coming down with the flu.

Sick as a dog actually originates hundreds of years ago, if not longer. Some explanations say that in the 1700s, stray dogs were responsible for the spread of many diseases, along with rats and other gutter critters. There are also references as far back as the Bible to dogs eating their own vomit—sounds pretty sick to me.

What about working like a dog? Dogs are the laziest creatures around! For this one you have to remember that dogs as "pleasure pets" is a relatively recent phenomenon. Before that they had to earn their keep by working tirelessly on the farm to herd and protect the animals.

2. Sweating like a pig

pigs, sweat, sweating like a pig, idioms, originsClose up of pigs.Image via Canva

This is an extremely common idiom that we all use and accept. There's just one problem with it: Pigs don't sweat!

So...what gives? You might be surprised to hear that 'sweating like a pig' actually has nothing to do with farm animals.

According to McGill University: "The term is actually derived from the iron smelting process in which hot iron poured on sand cools and solidifies with the pieces resembling a sow and piglets. Hence 'pig iron.' As the iron cools, the surrounding air reaches its dew point, and beads of moisture form on the surface of the 'pigs.' Thus, 'sweating like a pig' indicates that the 'pig' (i.e. iron) has cooled enough to be safely handled. And that's a 'pig' you wouldn't want to eat."

3. Bite the bullet

idioms, bite the bullet, bullets, guns, ammunitionA person holds a plate of bullets.Image via Canva

Biting the bullet refers to sucking it up and doing something hard, something you don't want to do but is necessary, and accepting the difficult consequences and/or pain that comes with it. But what does that have to do with biting a bullet?

There are different theories on this. One common explanation is that in the olden days it was common for soldiers on the battlefield receiving surgery to bite down on a lead bullet. You've probably seen people in movies biting down on a piece of wood or leather strap. Since lead is a softer metal, it would give just a little bit between their teeth and not damage them. So the idiom 'biting the bullet' means, "Okay, this is going to suck, just bite down and get through it."

4. Healthy as a horse

idioms, horses, healthy as a horse, animals, sayingsA horse making a funny face. Image via Canva

This one has always confused me. As a layman, it seems like horses are prone to injury and have trouble recovering when they hurt themselves. More research shows that horses can not vomit, which means they are highly at risk for deadly colic episodes. Doesn't sound super healthy!

The best explanation I can find for healthy as a horse is that, again, in the olden days, horses were symbols of health and strength and vitality. Which checks out—they're really powerful, majestic creatures.

5. Slept like a baby

idioms, slept like a baby, babies, kids, children, sayingsA baby with glasses sleeping on a moon pillow.Image via Canva

To many parents, this common idiom is rage-inducing. If babies sleep so well, why am I so exhausted all the time?!

Yes, babies are notorious for waking up every few hours or at the first sign of hunger or a dirty diaper. It puts their parents through the wringer (another strange idiom!). But to the outside observer, a sleeping baby is pure bliss. They are so innocent and blissfully unaware of anything going on around them—after all, if they're not sitting in a dirty diaper they really don't have too many other things to worry about. Also, despite all their shenanigans, babies do sleep a lot—around 17 hours a day or so. When you put it that way, the idiom starts to make a little sense.

6. Happy as a clam

idioms, clams, happy as a clam, seafood, sayingsOcean Seafood GIF by Lorraine NamGiphy

Clams are a lot of things. Some people find them delicious, others disgusting. One thing I think we can all agree on is that clams don't seem particularly happy, which makes this idiom a bit of a conundrum.

The truth is that this phrase is actually derived from the full version: "Happy as a clam at high water."

At low water, or low tide, clams are exposed to predators. At high tide, they're safe in deeper water. That's about as happy as mollusk can get!

7. The proof is in the pudding

pudding, idioms, proof, sayings, originsChocolate pudding.Image via Canva.

Hey, we all love pudding. But what the heck does this mean? If you're not familiar, it refers to judging something based on the results it generates—but what that has to do with pudding is a bit of a mystery to most people.

This is another example of a shortened idiom that makes more sense when you read the full, original line: "The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

According to Dictionary.com it "originated as a reference to the fact that it was difficult to judge if the pudding was properly cooked until it was actually being eaten. In other words, the test of whether it’s done is taking a bite."

8. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

horse, smiling, gift horse, origin, idiomSmiling horse.Giphy

I've always been a big fan of this idiom, which basically means that it's rude to over-analyze or criticize something you got for free, especially when it was a nice gesture from a friend or loved one.

But here we go with horses again! This phrase likely originated from the fact that you can determine a horse's age and health by looking at its teeth. So if someone were to give you a horse as a gift, it would be rude to immediately try to see how "good" it was by looking in its mouth.

9. Clean as a whistle

idioms, clean as a whistle, kids, sayings, whistlesA young boy blows a whistle.Image via Canva

Whistles are objectively disgusting. They collect spit and germs every time they're used. I certainly wouldn't hold them up as a beacon of cleanliness.

So what gives with this idiom? There are several possible explanations that have been proposed.

First, a whistle won't work, or won't work very well, if it has debris blocking up its inside. So you can think of "clean" in this case as being "empty or free of clutter." Another possibility is that, in this idiom, clean refers to sharpness—as in the sharp sound a whistle makes—and that inference has been lost over time.

10. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps

idioms, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, sayings, valuesTwo women laugh looking at a laptop screenImage via Canva

This phrase is commonly used to describe someone who was "self-made" and built themselves up into a success from nothing. Imagine lying on the floor and hoisting yourself to your feet using only the straps on your boots.

The only problem is...that's impossible! And that's exactly the point. This idiom is actually meant to be sarcastic and to imply that "socioeconomic advancement...was an impossible accomplishment," according to Useless Etymology.

11. Have your cake and eat it too

cartoon, cake, slice, chocolate cake, idioms, originSlice of cake.Giphy

Why bother having a cake if you can't eat it? That's the mystery of this extremely common idiom or proverb (sometimes worded "you can't have your cake and eat it, too")

The explanation is actually really simple. "Have" in this case really means "keep" or "hold onto." So, in that case, it makes perfect sense that you can't eat your cake and also still have it. "You can't have it both ways," would be another way of saying it. This saying likely began in a letter from Thomas, Duke of Norfolk to Thomas Cromwell in 1538. Thomas wrote,

"A man can not have his cake and eat his cake."

The quote appeared again in 1546 in A Dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue, a book of proverbs by John Heywood:

"Wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?"

12. Head over heels

tears for fears, head over heels, sayings, idiomstears for fears 80s GIFGiphy

Very rarely do people describe being deeply in love without using this phrase. But it's a confusing one, because isn't your head always over your heels? That doesn't seem to be an extraordinary state of being.

The idiom here has actually been flipped over time for unknown reasons. According to Dictionary.com, the saying originally went "heels over head," implying upside down. The saying originated in the 1300s, took its "present form" in the 1700s, and took its present meaning in the 1800s.

13. Pushing the envelope

idioms, pushing the envelope, exercise, gyms, workouts, sayingsTwo women at a gym push an oversized envelope.Images via Canva

When I think of radical, risky, or pushing the limits of what's possible, sliding an envelope across a table just somehow doesn't quite capture it for me. But an envelope doesn't have to be just a paper container that you put other paper in. It can actually refer to different parts and practices of an aircraft.

"Push the envelope comes from aeronautics, where it refers to a set of performance limits that may not be safely exceeded," according to Merriam Webster. Now that's more like it!

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Gen Zer shares 5 incredible things that happened after quitting social media 4 years ago

"You cherish your day-to-day life."

via Canva/Photos

A teenage girl stares at her phone at night.

Quynh Van, 26, a UX designer based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, gave herself the ultimate challenge for a Gen Zer four years ago: she vowed to quit social media. Now, she has returned to social media on TikTok to share the big difference the sabbatical made in her life.

"I quit social media four years ago, and it completely changed my life," Van said in the video. "For background, I deleted everything—Instagram, Twitter, everything—back in the beginning of 2021. It is now 2025, and I just started TikTok a month ago, and this is the only social media I have."

In a video that has received over 800,000 views, she shares the massive impact that leaving social media had on her life.

What does it feel like to quit social media?

@quynhxvan

one of the best decisions I’ve made #slowliving #digitaldetox #selfgrowth #selfdevelopment #mentalhealth #tiktokdiary #advice #selfimprovement #mindfulness #meditation #peace #peaceful #nature #socialmedia

1. She became her authentic self

“You're just a much more interesting person because you're not consuming what other people are wearing, what they're thinking, what they're saying. And you just have space for your own thoughts. You have space for learning new hobbies, reading new books, reading articles. So you just become much more interesting because you're present in your actual self.”

2. She has more time

“It's just so productive and it's so freeing. Life just stops disappearing into a scroll. My days would feel longer. I would feel more fulfilled. I would fill it with so much stuff. Learning, reflecting, moving. I was actually doing things and I was building a life instead of just watching one go by and like, looking up from my phone and seeing that four hours had passed.”

social media, smartphones, social media addiction, teens smart phones, screentimeSad teenage girl staring at her phone. via Canva/Photos

3. She stopped comparing herself to others

“I just think it's a natural tendency for humans to compare. You're always going to compare value A to value B. That's just a natural human tendency. You don't need to try and shut it down completely. But it's not normal for us to have a window into everyone's lives at all times. I think that has broken our brains a little bit.”

4. She got in touch with her emotions

“You can't inoculate yourself with dopamine hits and avoid the painful emotions anymore with social media. You have to learn to sit in the discomfort. You have to learn to face yourself and learn to sit with your difficult emotions. I wasn't able to escape my feelings anymore and that really changed everything. Made me stronger, it made me more emotionally resilient, and I was able to gain peace in my own head. Like my brain just felt like green. It's a forest of peace. It was amazing.”

social media, smartphones, social media addiction, teens smart phones, screentime, teens phonesA group of teens staring at their phones. via Canva/Photos

5. Better relationships

“You just show up differently, and people can feel that you're more present, you listen better. You're just so in the present that you really see people when you're with them, and they can feel that, and you feel that with yourself. You feel so present with yourself, and you cherish them more because you just cherish your day-to-day life.”

For some, quitting social media may seem impossible. It’s how most people keep up with their friends these days. Further, the platforms are engineered to control our brain chemistry so much that taking a break feels like detoxing from an addictive substance. But Van wants to remind everyone that it’s possible, even when it may not feel that way.

“Honestly, the biggest thing about deleting my social media was knowing that I can live without it,” she said at the end of her video. “At the time, I felt like I couldn't live without it, and now I know that I can and I'm better for it.”

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Billy Crystal's ad-libs in 'The Princess Bride' were so funny Rob Reiner had to leave set

And he wasn't the only one.

LionsgateFilmUK/YouTube

Billy Crystal created most of Miracle Max's lines in "The Princess Bride" off the cuff.

It's often said that comedy is harder than drama, and while that may be debatable, there's no doubt that good comedians are a unique breed. Comedic actors know how to deliver lines in just the right way with just the right timing to make an audience laugh, but true comedians are often funnier when they’re allowed to go off-script and let their gift for spontaneous humor shine.

Enter Billy Crystal, whose ad-libbed scene in “The Princess Bride” was so funny it took nearly 30 hours of work to get five minutes of usable footage. Cast members of the cult classic film have shared what happened when director Rob Reiner decided to take the reins off of Crystal, telling him, “Forget the lines, just go for it,” according to actor Cary Elwes. That invitation to improvise would prove to be one of the best—and worst—decisions he could have made for the film.

billy crystal, the princess bride, miracle maxThe Princess Bride Disney Plus GIF by Disney+Giphy

In the scene, Crystal plays “Miracle Max,” a crotchety old apothecary who argues with his wife (played by Carol Kane) and brings the "mostly dead" Westley back to life with his chocolate-covered magic pill. There were lines written for his character, but he didn't need them. He could—and did—ad-lib for hours, but it proved to be a bit of a problem because the cast and crew just couldn't stop laughing.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

The sound department had to start banishing people off of the set because they were ruining takes with their giggles. Reiner himself, who has a big, boisterous laugh, was one of the first people to go because he couldn't keep it together during the filming. Mandy Patinkin, who played Inigo Montoya and wasn't able to leave, shared that he sustained his only injury in the entire making of the film during the shooting of that scene—a bruised rib from holding in laughter.

Elwes said Reiner told him he needed to lie perfectly still and hold his breath in the scene, but Crystal's "medieval Yiddish stand-up" proved too hilarious and Elwes had to be replaced with his rubber dummy for much of the shoot. Patinkin said that Reiner nearly threw up from laughing so hard, and people in the cast and crew had to bite their hands to keep quiet. Production was nearly shut down for the day and the scene became one of the most expensive scenes in the movie because it used so much film, according to InCinematic. And the vast majority of what was filmed never got seen.

The Princess Bride You Killed My Father GIFGiphy

"Unfortunately, there's so many spoiled—brilliantly hilarious takes that we all spoiled," said Elwes. He also wrote in his book about the movie that Crystal never said the same thing or delivered the same line twice. Crystal's improv resulted in some of the most memorable lines from the film, such as the classic, "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world—except for a nice MLT–mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean…"

Even the look of Miracle Max was from Crystal's brain child. He told his makeup artist that he wanted the character to look like a mix between Casey Stengel, former manager for the New York Yankees, and Crystal's grandmother.

Casey Stengel served as inspiration for the Miracle Max character in "The Princess Bride."Public Domain

People loved hearing about Crystal's comedic genius, wishing the footage that couldn't be used would be released.

"You can't plan a movie like The Princess Bride, when you've got the right people sometimes it just happens."

"Nothing greater as an improvising-comedian actor than hearing the words; 'Forget the lines, just go for it.'"

"Three straight days of Billy off the cuff is pure gold. I would've loved to have been on that set lmao."

Billy Crystal Oscars GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy

"When the comedy is so good, you bruise your OWN RIB tryna hold it in."

"Release the tapes, raw and uncut. The people demand it."

We may not have access to the unseen footage of Crystal's improvised hilarity, but we can at least enjoy the scenes that did make it into the film by rewatching "The Princess Bride," which many fans do annually. The film even returned to theaters briefly for its 30th Anniversary in the fall of 2023, much to the delight of people who yearned to see it on the big screen again.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

This article originally appeared in January.


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