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5 incredibly delicious chain restaurants you should never, ever eat at and 1 you should but can't

You know you want to. But sorry, you can't.

Fast food. It's kind of a big deal here in the USA.

A moment of silence, please. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.


And who could blame us? Fast food is, to use a scientific phrase, tasty as all get out.

But some chains, well. It's painful to admit, but they're bad for us.

Not because they're slowly clogging our arteries — we already knew that. Bad for us in the metaphorical heart, not the literal heart. Cosmically bad for us. Bad for us in that they pretend to be our friends, but in reality, they're talking behind our backs about how we have a weird-shaped face or whatever.

They're doing bad, shady things to the world is the point.

They are delicious. So so so so so so delicious.

But you can't eat there. You just can't.

#6. PAPA JOHN'S

Why it's so delicious:

If there's one belief that my big Italian family managed to drill into my brain when I was a kid, it's that chain pizza tastes about as good as an old rusty piece of sheet metal. Or maybe a used napkin, on a good day. And, like a fool, I never questioned it.

Until I met the "The Meats."

Oh. Hello there. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

The Meats is a pizza. From Papa John's. It is a pizza full of meat.

Here are the list of meats on The Meats:

  1. Sausage
  2. Pepperoni
  3. Beef
  4. Bacon
  5. Canadian bacon
  6. Eagle (probably)
  7. Sacrificial lamb (pretty sure I tasted that)
  8. Unicorn (definitely)

So yeah. That's it. Naples can pretty much just close up shop. There's just no more need.

Pack it in, boys. We're done here. Photo by Inviaggiocommons/Wikimedia Commons.

Oh, and see that little cup in the corner?

Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

That's Papa John's special garlic sauce. It's basically garlic, butter, and chemicals that bring your grandmother back to life so that you can tell her you love her one last time, giving you that sense of closure you always needed. That's how good it is.

Papa John's also sells something called a "Cinnapie."

Suggested serving si— oh, never mind. Who am I kidding? Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

It's a cinnamon bun. The size of a pizza.

Needless to say, I totally didn't eat the whole thing in a single sitting. What are you looking at? Stop looking at me like that.

Why you can never, ever eat there:

Like most of America, I always assumed "Papa John's" was just a generic name ideated up in some corporate copy factory. Possibly tied into a mascot of some kind. A pizza-tossing horse maybe, with a vaguely racist mustache. Needless to say, I was extremely surprised to learn that Papa John is an actual human.

His name is John Schnatter, founder and CEO of Papa John's. And in a move that just screams "humility," he put himself on all the pizza boxes.

Of course this is him. Of course it is. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

In August 2012, Papa John got on the phone with a bunch of reporters to talk about the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare.

"Oh," you're probably saying to yourself, "I bet he wanted to discuss how awesome it is that, under the law, his kids can stay on his insurance until they're 26. Or how the law is expected to dramatically lower health care spending nationwide. Or maybe just gush about how happy he is for the millions of people who will now suddenly be covered for the first time in their lives. I bet that was what that was about."

Nope. He mostly wanted to explain that Obamacare means you'll be paying more for pizza. And you're gonna like it.

Byron Tau, Politico:

"If Obamacare is in fact not repealed, we will find tactics to shallow out any Obamacare costs and core strategies to pass that cost onto consumers in order to protect our shareholders' best interests," Schnatter vowed.

Specifically, 11-14 cents more. Which means ... sorry University of Minnesota-Twin Cities Cribbage Club, the cost of next Wednesday's pizza-n-chill info sesh just increased by about $1.56. Thanks, Obama!

Oh, and Schnatter also implied that some franchisees would cut worker hours to get out of having to provide them with health care required for employees working over 30 hours a week under the ACA. Of course, he later clarified that he wasn't saying he would cut their hours personally but, you know — it's out of his hands.

Nice prescription plan you got there. Shame if something happened to it. Photo by Ildar Sagdejev/Wikimedia Commons.

Now, you might be thinking, "Well, sure, that's harsh, but look. He's just trying to do the best he can in a shaky economy. If he's asking his employees and customers to take one for the team, I'm sure he's making an even bigger sacrifice somehow. Because Papa John is a leader. And that's what leaders do." And naively, I assumed that too.

Until I found out about his house.

Sarah Firshein, Curbed:

"Schnatter lives in a 40,000-square-foot castle on 16 acres in Kentucky; the property includes a 22-car underground garage ('complete with an office for valet parking, a car wash, and even a motorized turntable to move limousines') and a 6,000-square-foot detached carriage house."

That's right. Papa John is Batman.

Now, numbers are just numbers. It's hard to get an idea of what 40,000 square feet looks like without actually seeing it in real life.

Thankfully, I used to live about 20 minutes away from Papa John, so I drove to his house and took a picture.

Like most rich people's homes, it is blocked by a sh*t ton of bushes. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

Just trust me. It's a freaking enormous house. You can Google it.

I certainly don't begrudge the guy having a garish, cream-colored mansion the size of a small moon. Hell, I have one too in my dreams. But dude. You're gonna live in that thing and then threaten to nickel-and-dime your customers and employees on pepperoni prices and healthcare? Bad optics. Bad, bad optics.

It's like that old sailor saying, "A captain always watches the ship go down with all his crew screaming inside of it as he soars away in his private helicopter."

Don't eat at Papa John's. I know you want to. I want to. But don't. Just don't.

#5. SONIC

Yes, please. Let's go to Sonic right now.

BEHOLD! The mighty bacon cheeseburger toaster! Gaze ye upon it in all its glory! A third-pound patty of heavenly manna slathered in barbecue sauce on two slices of Texas toast.

Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

And what's this in my cup holder? Is this the fabled CHERRY LIMEADE OF LEGEND? Miraculous lime wedges and a maraschino cherry sinking beneath the roughly crushed ice pellets into a sea of pink sugary mirth? Verily, do not look directly at it, or it will surely blind you.

Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

Oh, hey — look! Some onion rings. Cool.

Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

Sorry, bub. No more Sonic. Not ever.

Fast food is delicious. We've already established that. But the typical fast food experience? Usually leaves something to be desired. Take a burger, wrap it in some paper, and slap it on a tray. Maybe you squirt some ketchup into a thing, and that's the highlight.

But not at Sonic. Sonic has a concept.

You see, Sonic is a drive-in. And you get car-side service. From carhops. Just like in the '50s.

All of these children are currently collecting Social Security. Photo by ftzdomino/Flickr.

Indeed, very little has changed at Sonic in the past 60-odd years.

Including salaries for Sonic carhops.

As of May 2014, the median hourly wage for fast food workers in America was $9.19/hour. Which is objectively terrifying. But compared to comparable employees at Sonic, other fast food workers are straight up building motorized limousine turns in their 40,000-square-foot castles.

As of June 2015, Sonic carhops made roughly $6.70/hour on average, according to Glassdoor. Even as a survey estimate, that's far less than the (already meager) federal minimum wage and state minimum wages in all but eight states.

How is that even legal? According to multiple former carhops, and at least one official complaint, because Sonic crew members bring the food to you (often on roller skates), they are classified as tipped employees at some stores and therefore exempt from minimum wage requirements.

Which begs the question. Do people tip Sonic carhops?

Maybe. Maybe not. At the very least, it is the subject of great confusion on the Internet.

Sonic certainly doesn't make it easy either. Here's what happened when I tried to pay at Sonic's automated credit card reader back in March...

No receipt. No place to tip.

At this point, you're like, "Ooh, burger!" and proceed to forget about your fiduciary responsibility to your fellow humans. But even if you do remember when the carhop eventually brings out your receipt, there's no tip line.

Both times I went, only the customer copy came out. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

So you have to tip in cash. Which you might or might not have. At least that's what happened to me when I went (for ... uh, research).

No matter how you look at it, it's really difficult to tip at Sonic. So lots of people just don't do it.

To confirm this suspicion, I creeped on the guy next to me.

Not him. But this is a public domain image of the truck he was driving. Photo by IFCAR/Wikimedia Commons.

And sure enough, no tip. Nada.

Stop going to Sonic, everyone. Stop it right now. Don't even think about it.

I know you're thinking about it. Stop.

#4. WENDY'S

Wendy's is amazing.

Wendy's is all like: We're the Target to McDonald's Walmart. Sure, we look similar, but our food just seems ... better, doesn't it? Healthier and more ethical, somehow. You can totally trust us. We'll even sell you a baked potato if you want!


But instead, you get this. And no jury in the world would convict you. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

Wendy's is an infernal den of smoke and mirrors.

Wendy's: We actually pay even less than McDonald's does.


Average crew member salaries. McDonald's photo by Cruiser/Wikimedia Commons [altered]. Wendy's photo by Mike Mozart/Flickr.

Ha! Gotcha hook, line, and sinker, you fast food hippie!

#3. CRACKER BARREL

You guys. Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel, you guys.

Quick, here's a pop quiz. How much food can you get for $8.99?

Six! Six dishes! Ah ah ah! Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

If you responded "all of it," congratulations, you have won. If you are among the folks historically lucky enough to be at Cracker Barrel right now, you can avail yourself of meatloaf (solid), chicken and dumplings (delicious), fried okra (heavenly), and a big piece of ham ('nuff said). Also baked beans, turnip greens, and two corn muffins. All for less than nine dollars.

"But Eric," you might whine, "All that food is so ... beige."

Yeah. Beige like a fox.

Not beige. Photo by digitalprimate/Flickr.

Listen. There is nothing that looks less appetizing than classic American comfort fare. It's mushy, brown, and smells kind of like baby food. But it is freaking delicious. If you want texture and vibrant colors in your food, go eat pad Thai.*

*Seriously, go eat pad Thai. Pad Thai is delicious. You should always be eating pad Thai.

Also, have I mentioned this?

There's your color, you jerks. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

That's raspberry sweet tea. If you could take the feeling you get when your aunt Helen presents you with a hand-knit sweater on Christmas morning and liquefy it, that's what you'd get. Free refills too! You could, and should, have eight of those.

Seriously? Don't go to Cracker Barrel. What were you thinking?!

I'll tell you why in a minute. But first we have to talk about segregation.

Photo by Jack Delano/Wikimedia Commons.

Segregation. One of the darkest chapters in American history. Under the pretense of separate-but-equal, white leaders in the South excluded black Americans from nearly all aspects of public life. But after decades of heartache, violence, and struggle, thanks to the historic efforts of Martin Luther King Jr. and other civil rights leaders, segregation was finally legally abolished in 1965.

Except at Cracker Barrel, which waited until 2004, when the U.S. Justice Department told them, "No, really. Now stop."

Fox News:

"At least 42 plaintiffs, including the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, accused the Lebanon, Tenn.-based company of discrimination in federal lawsuits filed in Georgia. Black customers in 16 states also said they were subjected to racial slurs and served food taken from the trash, while Cracker Barrel management ignored or condoned such actions.

The announcement comes four months after the company settled a Justice Department lawsuit accusing Cracker Barrel of similar discrimination claims at dozens of restaurants, mainly in the South. That settlement found that black customers at many of the country store-themed restaurants were seated in areas segregated from white patrons, frequently received inferior service and often were made to wait longer for tables. Blacks who complained about poor service also were treated less favorably than whites, the settlement said."

"OK," you're probably saying. "Fair enough. But that was over a decade ago." (Side note: 2004 was over a decade ago. You are so old.) And you'd be right! Cracker Barrel hasn't been accused of serving black people food from the garbage or segregating its dining rooms since Usher's "Confessions Part II" was on the radio. A lifetime ago (if you're a medium-sized dog)!

But while Cracker Barrel has undeniably gotten better, let's just say the road to full enlightenment has ... taken a weird detour in the past few years.

You see, Cracker Barrel isn't just a restaurant. It's also a store. A country store. The kind ma and pa used to run out back behind Old Murdoch's soda fountain, as imagined by the VP of branding of a multimillion-dollar biscuit corporation.

You might also be familiar with a little show on the A&E Network called, "Duck Dynasty," about a talking beard and his family...


Photo by Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons.

...who murder your favorite Sesame Street character over and over again.

Please don't kill me. I love you. Photo by Tom Morris/Wikimedia Commons.

It turns out the talking beard has opinions on more than just eliminating Donald, Scrooge, Daffy, Darkwing, and all the McDuck triplets from God's green earth, which he expressed in a 2013 interview with GQ:

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I'm with the blacks because we're white trash. We're going across the field. ... They're singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, 'I tell you what: These doggone white people'—not a word! ... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues."

This, understandably, ruffled a few feathers (presumably, Robertson later shot the duck said feathers were on).

But times change. This isn't the '60s anymore (or, in Cracker Barrel's case, the early '00s). And mercifully, Cracker Barrel did the absolute minimum amount of the right thing they could possibly do and pulled some (not even all!) Duck Dynasty merchandise from their stores.

Until, like, a day later when they put it all back.

Corinne Lestch, The Daily News:

"Company brass did an about-face on Sunday — re-shelving the goods and apologizing for 'offending' any customers...

'You flat out told us we were wrong. We listened. Today, we are putting all our Duck Dynasty products back in our stores. And, we apologize for offending you,' officials wrote in a statement posted on its Facebook page."

Backbone, ladies and gentlemen. Curvy, weird duck backbone.

Since that was two years ago, I went back the other day to see if maybe Cracker Barrel had quietly phased out the Robertson's T-shirts and hoodies when no one was paying attention. But sure enough...

One day, I'll make Duck Admiral. One day. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

Boom. Still there.

For maximum effect, they are shelved right next to the military swag.

Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

Because putting your life on the line to defend the United States of America from enemies at home and abroad is about as noble as mowing down a bunch of waterfowl with a high-powered semi-automatic.

Minus 7 bazillion for that, Cracker Barrel. But hey! Plus one for stocking Goldenberg's Peanut Chews.

The bomb. Dot edu. Photo by Eric March/Upworthy.

Those things are my jam.

If you go to Cracker Barrel, we are so not talking. Yep. You heard me. The camping trip to Red River Gorge is going to be awkward.

#2. CHICK-FIL-A

The Chick-fil-A original chicken sandwich is the pinnacle of human achievement.

The pyramids. The Magna Carta. The Apollo missions. PlayStation 4. This season of "The Bachelorette."

Combine them all. Multiply by 10. Sprinkle with holy water and shoot them out of a cannon into the sun. What you get is not even worth half the pickle chip on a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich.

Your move, Ancient Egyptians. Photo by Jay Reed/Flickr.

Between those two unassuming buns is an explosion of salt, fat, umami (whatever the hell that is), and the overwhelming feeling that justice has been done somewhere in the world. If they could speak, any chicken would surely tell you that being hacked up into tiny bits, deep fried, and stuffed in this sandwich is like getting into Chicken Princeton.

In fact, the first bite of any Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich is such a sacred experience that they close all the restaurants on Sundays.

And I haven't even mentioned the waffle fries.

You know what? Best not. Best not even mention the waffle fries. Photo by Jay Reed/Flickr.

OMIGOD, you guys, you can absolutely never, ever, ever eat at Chick-fil-A.

Look. I'm not naive. I know that, deep down, most of my favorite brands are probably giving lots of money to nightmarishly evil causes on the sly.

My favorite brands. Also, I have favorite brands? Gross. Image by J.J./Wikimedia Commons.

I have to believe Apple just put a down payment on a giant coal plant somewhere in China. I'm sure Doritos wants to repeal the estate tax. And dollars to doughnuts Krispy Kreme is investing in Sudanese cobalt mines. But at least I can take comfort in the fact that it's not personal. It's just what's best for business.


Business. Photo by thetaxhaven/Flickr.

Chick-fil-A is one of those brands. But what sets Chick-fil-A apart is that their donations have nothing at all to do with putting more money in the hands of their obscenely wealthy top brass and everything to do with making sure Dan at the register and Leon at the drive-thru window can't file their taxes together even though they love each other deeply.

Josh Israel, ThinkProgress:

"As Chick-fil-A's corporate foundation came under heavy criticism last year for its long record of anti-LGBT behavior, the company attempted to distance itself from its political record, claiming it intended 'to leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the government and political arena.'

But despite suggestions by some that the company's WinShape Foundation had already scaled back its anti-LGBT giving before that point, its newly released annual IRS filings for 2011 indicate nothing of the sort...

In 2011, the group actually gave even more to anti-LGBT causes. Its contribution to the Marriage & Family Foundation jumped to $2,896,438 and it gave the same amount to the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and National Christian Foundation as it had in 2010. In total, the anti-LGBT spending exceeded $3.6 million — almost double the $1.9 million from the year before."



Look, I give Chick-fil-A a lot of latitude. After all, they make an absolutely bomb chicken sandwich.

Still, I'm really not sure I want them to weigh in on whether Leon gets to visit Dan in the hospital when Dan is 97 and has terminal shingles.

Now, unlike most of the other examples on this list, Chick-fil-A got big press play. There were boycotts, counter-boycotts, and counter-counter-boycotts. Which prompted CEO Dan Cathy to reach way down deep and do some soul searching.

The conclusion he came to?

"You know what, I just realized we're a chicken company. Probably best not to get involved after all."

"Cathy agreed that the 'lingering identity' of Chick-fil-A with 'anti-gay groups' that jumped to its defense in 2012 has meant 'alienating market segments.'

'Consumers want to do business with brands that they can interface with, that they can relate with,' Cathy said. 'And it's probably very wise from our standpoint to make sure that we present our brand in a compelling way that the consumer can relate to.'"

And Chick-fil-A made good on its word — sort of.

According to their tax documents from 2012, Chick-fil-A only donated to one anti-LGBT group that year. That's down from — and I'm using a technical term here — a buttload in 2010-2011.

But that's still one more donation to an anti-gay group than a reasonable chicken sandwich company should be proffering.

So keep up the fire. Do not eat at Chick-fil-A.

Believe me, I know it hurts. But stay strong.

#1. IN-N-OUT BURGER

It gives me no pleasure to break this to you, but you probably can't eat at In-N-Out Burger.

Photo by Zink Dawg/Wikimedia Commons.

"Wait, nooooooo! I love In-N-Out," you might be thinking. "I thought they were actually pretty good corporate citizens."

"I'm going to punch you in the face if you tell me I can't eat at In-N-Out," you might also be thinking.

And I don't blame you. Because In-N-Out is so freaking good. But please. Just go with me here. I promise I'll explain everything. You've made it 4,000 words. Bear with me for a few more. It's all I ask.

In-N-Out Burger: cheesy meat patty of the gods.

This is what a triple-triple from In-N-Out looks like.

Stop it. Photo by Christian Razukas/Flickr.

This is it. The most delicious burger on the planet. You can keep your Shake Shacks, your Five Guys, and your Smashburgi. This is truly, madly, deeply the one.

If you actually took one of those burgers and put it under a microscope, this is what you would see.

If you zoomed even further in, you would learn the exact moment you were going to die. To this day, no one has done it. Painting by Johann Liss/Wikimedia Commons.

And the best part? The burgers are super cheap.

There aren't enough superlatives in the world to do the place justice. There is no greater pleasure in this world than the taste of an In-N-Out cheeseburger. That's a fact.

And I've been to a Bon Jovi concert.

So what's the problem? Why can't I eat at In-N-Out??!?!

You can't eat at In-N-Out Burger because you are probably among the approximately 76% of Americans who don't live in California, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, or Texas.


And coming soon, Oregon! Photo by Dave Sizer/Flickr.

As your West Coast friends probably never fail to remind you every single day of your life, In-N-Out burger is their secret special thing.

Dear God. Please. Shut. Up. Image via Thinkstock.

And as much as I hate to admit it, they're basically right. As of June 2015, In-N-Out burger is only available in five states. And, statistically speaking, you probably don't live in one of them.

It's a massive shame for the rest of us. Because compared to most of its chain brethren, In-N-Out is basically a choirboy, straight-A-student role model.

Sure, In-N-Out is a multimillion-dollar meat factory like the rest of 'em. But, relatively speaking, In-N-Out has a lot going for it. A lot going for it.

It is one of very, very, very few high-profile companies in America owned by a woman.

It's food is also reasonably locally sourced and fresh, even earning praise from "Fast Food Nation" author Eric Schlosser.

And, perhaps, most importantly:

The average In-N-Out crew associate makes $11.61/hour (as of June 2015, according to Glassdoor). Not super great in the grand scheme of things but a fortune by fast food standards.

In-N-Out proves that it is possible to operate a profitable, reliably delicious fast food chain in 2015 and not be a complete ethical idiot.

Plus, let's not forget...

#Neverforget. Photo by Christian Razukas/Flickr.

Here's my advice. Move to California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, or Texas right now. Or Oregon, to jump the trend. And go get yourself an In-N-Out Burger.

You will thank me tomorrow.

And every day. For the rest of your life.

Sponsored

5 ways people are going all in this week

From the silliest to the most sentimental, there are so many ways people are going “all in” on the internet this week. Here are our five favorites.

5 ways people are going all in this week
5 ways people are going all in this week
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What does it mean to go “all in” on something? We’ll tell you: Whether it’s an elaborately-themed birthday party for your dog (like this one) or a guy learning Mandarin to propose to his girlfriend, going “all in” means total commitment. There’s no holding back, no second guessing—just full-throttle enthusiasm, with some flair and creativity thrown in. When people go “all in,” something truly special happens as a result.

In this roundup, we’ve scoured the internet for the best examples of people going “all in”—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage. Some are silly, some are sentimental, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100% is the only way to truly leave a mark on this world. Buckle up: These folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.

This guy's passion for lip syncing 

@pokemonmasterzo every time I see an edit to this mix it’s almost guaranteed tears #beyonce #tyrant #allnight #fyp ♬ original sound - dannyvarr

We all lip-sync from time to time. Sometimes we even get a little bit into it. And then there’s this guy: TikTok creator Pokemonmasterzo, who goes viral every other week re-enacting passionate lip-syncs of trending songs. No matter what song people are listening to this week—a Beyonce mash-up, an old Radiohead hit, or a celebratory rendition of “Love Story” in honor of Taylor Swift’s recent engagement—this guy goes completely all in with hand gestures, dance moves, and quite often even a shot of his face superimposed on the screen (also singing!). His picture is basically next to the definition of “enthusiastic” in the dictionary. We can't get enough.

This trading experiment, brought to you by All In

Remember that story about a guy who traded a paperclip for a house? In a nutshell, Canadian blogger Kyle MacDonald started a year-long project back in 2025 to take one red paperclip and keep exchanging it for things of increasing value until he ended up with a house. With the paperclip, MacDonald traded for a pen. With the pen, he traded up for a hand-sculpted doorknob. With the doorknob, he traded up for a Coleman camp stove (with fuel included). On and on it went until 2006, when he finally traded a role in a movie for a two-story farmhouse in Kipling, Saskatchewan. It’s basically a testament to what you can accomplish if you just have dedication, creativity, and vision (aka, you go absolutely all in).

This week, our friends at All In are starting their own version of the paperclip trend, starting with an All In bar and trading up to see what they get. (Though we have to say the phrase “trading up” is debatable, because these bars are delicious.) Check it out and see where they end up!

Another thing you should check out: This incredible deal where you can get a free(!!!) box of All In organic snack bars. Just sign up with your phone number on Aisle, grab two free boxes of All In bars at Sprouts, snap a pic of your receipt and text it through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box, and that’s it! Enjoy.

This "chicken jockey" ice skating routine 

@k.and.miss.congeniality 🐓⛸️🌟Chicken Jockey from Minnesota 🌟⛸️🐓 @U.S. Figure Skating #nationalshowcase ♬ Holding Out for a Hero - yourmusic4ever💯

If you have children over the age of, say, preschool, you’ve likely heard the words “chicken jockey,” a term from Minecraft, a popular video game in which players can build, create, and interact with others in a 3D world made up of blocks.

A little background: A “chicken jockey” in the Minecraft universe is when, in the course of the game, a baby zombie will randomly spawn onscreen, riding a chicken and attacking the players. (I don’t get it either, I just had to have a child explain this to me just now.)

Anyway, in the Minecraft movie, which premiered earlier this year, there’s a scene where a chicken jockey drops into the arena and Jack Black’s character shouts “Chicken Jockey!” The moment quickly became a fan favorite and turned into something of a movement, where moviegoers would scream “Chicken jockey!” and erupt in chaos, throwing popcorn and just generally going wild (you could even say they were going all in).

Fast-forward to today, and chicken jockey is still a popular term among kids—so much so that this young performer created an ice-skating routine to honor the chicken jockey moment, complete with a full-body costume. That’s right—she ice skated in an inflatable chicken jockey costume. Talk about dedication. The creativity, the enthusiasm, and the cultural relevance truly make this a performance to behold.

This woman's transformation—an entire year in the making

@tiszfit.cpt And I always made sure I was on incline 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 Was it hard in the beginning? Hell yeah sometimes I would only sprint for 10 secs at a time But I knew if I kept doing it I would get faster , stronger & build my endurance And quess what I did ! Keep going sis !! It’s possible with consistency! #gymtok #motivation #fypシ ♬ Otis nola bounce part 2 - VIP

There’s something beautiful about a person who shows up for herself, day in and day out. In this viral TikTok, creator @tiszfit.cpt recorded herself running on a treadmill in her garage every day, ultimately reaching a goal of eighty (!!!!) pounds lost. Going all in to achieve your goals is one thing to celebrate for sure, but it’s just as meaningful to watch her confidence gradually grow throughout the video. As she continues to run, her garage door opens little by little, until she’s working out unashamedly in open view of her neighborhood. You can’t help but be incredibly proud.

The most tear-jerking college send-off you've ever seen

Finally, here’s one of the most thoughtful (and meaningful) college send-offs we’ve ever seen. In this video, Ben (@its_benzram) walks into the hallway of his parent’s house and finds all of his childhood toys lined up along the walls leading to the staircase. The reason? They’ve all come to “say goodbye” and wish him well as he goes to college. Not only are all his stuffed animals there, his family made handmade signs (“We Love You”) and created a collage of pictures of Ben throughout the years alongside his childhood toys. Parents: Get a box of tissues before you watch this. Not kidding.

Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts.

via Royalty Now / Instagram
Artist's gallery shows us what historical figures would look like if they were alive today

One of the major reasons we feel disassociated from history is that it can be hard to relate to people who lived hundreds, let alone thousands, of years ago. Artist Becca Saladin, 29, is bridging that gap by creating modern-looking pictures of historical figures that show us what they'd look like today.

"History isn't just a series of stories, it was real people with real feelings. I think the work brings people a step closer to that," she said according to Buzzfeed.

Saladin has always loved archaeology and always wished to see see what historical events actually looked like. She uses her digital art skills to do exactly that.

She started her Instagram page after wanting to see her favorite historical figure, Anne Boleyn, in real life instead of artist's depiction.

history, historical figures, art, artists, paintings, portraits, abraham lincoln, shakespeare, anne boleyn, marie antoinette A contemporary painting of Anne BoleynBy English school - Public Domain,

"I wanted to know if she could come to life from the few pale, flat portraits we have of her," she wrote for Bored Panda. "I started the account to satisfy my own curiosity about what members of the past would look like if they were standing right in front of me."

This is no AI gimmick. Saladin, in addition to being a great artist, is also a student of history. She consults existing portraiture, reads letters, studies the period, and examines both life and death masks (wax or plaster facial molds) of her subjects. She understands period art, as well. In her recreation of Marie Antoinette, Saladin writes, "It’s pretty obvious how stylized 18th century French portraits are; the huge eyes, tiny noses, and pinched lips." Her image of Antoinette, then, needed some "facial correction." I'd like to see AI do that.

Her artwork has earned her over 375,000 followers on Instagram. "I always struggled with finding a true hobby, so this has been such a fun creative outlet for me," she said. "It's really cool to have found a hobby that combines my passions for both art and history."

Saladin does brilliant job at giving historical figures modern clothing, hairstyles and makeup. She also shows them in places you'd find modern celebrities or politicians. Her modern version of Marie Antoinette appears to be posing for paparazzi while her Mona Lisa is photographed on a busy city street.

Here's a sampling of some of Saladin's modern representations of historical figures.

King Tut

Genghis Khan



King Henry VII



Louis XV



Agrippina the Younger

Queen Nefertiti

Ben Franklin

Julius Caesar


William Shakespeare


Marie Antoinette


Saladin's work has connected deeply with hundreds of thousands of online fans and followers. Her images have brought history to life in a way most of us have rarely experienced. There's something about seeing Abraham Lincoln in a dapper sweater with modern beard and hairstyles that makes him seem much more like a real person than any official portrait ever could.

Saladin began sharing portraits online years and years ago, but continues to this day. There's always more to discover, new ways to push her medium forward, and more history to unearth.

This article originally appeared five years ago. It has been updated.

Internet

Guy put a weird Tinder exchange to music. Now it's a hit anthem for baffling questions.

Warning: You might be singing "I have one daughter" to yourself for the rest of the week.

"I Have One Daughter" has become an unexpected summer anthem.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who simply didn't make sense? You said something, and the other person responded in a way that didn't fit at all with what you said, but no matter what you say, they don't seem to get why the exchange is confusing. So then you're left scratching your head and wondering if you are one who was confused in the first place.

We've all been there, and now we have a theme song that exemplifies the phenomenon. And strangely enough, the lyrics come from a real but weird Tinder dating app conversation, which makes it all the more hilarious.

tinder, confusion, i have one daughter, weird conversations, john travolta Tinder is a dating app where you get matched with strangers of your choosing. Giphy

A guy who goes by Lewky has been putting all kinds of bizarre Tinder conversations to music on TikTok. Still, one text exchange that starts with a man asking a woman if she has any kids and quickly devolves into chaos has gone mega viral. Not only have there been over 17 million views on the original video, but people continue to use the audio to create their own videos tailored to their own baffling conversations.

Here's how the original conversation went:

"Do you have any kids?"

"Yes, I have one daughter. How about you?"

"How many baby daddies do you have? if you don't mind me asking."

[…]

"I have one daughter."

"I understand that, is she by the same father?"

"I don't understand…"

@lewky____

This guy needs a math tutor #datinglife #funnysong #tindermusical

The song is catchy, no? People loved it, but this video isn't where many first heard it, as it quickly became a meme song that people attached to their own videos, portraying conversations they've had that feel like this.

For instance, a woman who has biracial kids with two different skin tones used it to illustrate conversations she's had with people who can't seem to grasp the way genetics work and who assume her daughters must have different dads.

@rubyselena123

blows my mind people don’t understand how genetics work 😂 #ihaveonedaughtertrend #biracialkids #toddlermom #momof2

Another woman used the song to share conversations she's had with people about her background as a Nigerian and her ability to speak fluent English. She explains that English is the official language of Nigeria, but people still compliment her on how well she speaks English and assume she must have learned it elsewhere.

@cynthiadieyi

Inspired by real life events 🥰 #firstgen #expatlife #fyp #foryourpage #foryoupageofficial #explorepage #ihaveonedaughter #lipsync

There are countless videos of people sharing how their racial, ethnic, or national identities seem to confound people. One woman used the "I Have One Daughter" song to illustrate ICE harassing Puerto Ricans.

"Several incidents involving federal agents, reportedly from Homeland Security (DHS) or Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), have occurred at or near the National Museum of Puerto Rican Arts and Culture in Chicago, prompting claims of intimidation," she wrote. "And this how I imagine it went."

@cartoonyourmemories

#doyouhaveanykids

(Apparently, a lot of people don't understand that Puerto Ricans are American citizens who can't be deported.)

The song has branched out to all kinds of conversations about very niche topics. For instance, here's an exchange inspired by real events between an anesthetist and a surgeon who seems to think breathing movements somehow negate complete paralysis.

@triciapendergrastmd

Inspired by real events… #ihaveonedaughter #residentphysician #anesthesiatiktok #surgery #trending #fypシ゚viral #fyp #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

There are numerous versions of the "I Have One Daughter" song meme, and they're giving people life (while simultaneously giving them an earworm that they are almost guaranteed to be singing to themselves all week).

Lewky has created an extended version of the song, which is available on streaming music services. It just expands the confusion by listing off a bunch of celebrities who have daughters, saying those daughters don't all have the same father, as if that explains the argument being made. No, it doesn't make sense. That's the entire point.

@lewky____

I Have One Daughter Extended Version Feat Sad Alex is now out and streaming everywhere!!! Thank you @sad alex for adding her awesome vocals and writing to this song! #funnysong #comedysong #datinglife

Aren't humans just delightful?

You can follow Lewky on TikTok for more Tinder conversation tunes.

Leya comes up to Mats Janzon on his kayak for cuddles.

When Mats Janzon found Leya, she was just a tiny baby curled up alone in the grass near his home in Sweden. Janzon was out on a quiet walk in the woods when he heard a soft peeping sound and saw it was a baby otter. He kept his distance for several hours, hoping her mother would return. When no one came, he searched the area and found that her mother had been killed on a major road nearby. Leya appeared to be starving and barely breathing, and he knew she wouldn't make it without help.

Janzon had volunteered with animal rescues while working as a pilot in Cyprus, but after moving back to Sweden several years ago, he felt a pull to leave his job and spend more time in nature. "This shift led me to focus on helping wildlife," Janzon tells Upworthy. "I’ve cared for various animals, mostly birds, that seemed to find me. Huginn, a crow I rescued, stayed with me for three years before he was ready to join his own flock in the wild."

@matsjanzon

The story of Leya #ottersoftiktok #OtterBuddy #WildlifeTikTok #ViralNature #CuteAnimals #TikTokNature #FurryFriends #AnimalBesties #KayakAdventures #WildlifeLover #wildanimals #naturevibes #fyp #otter #RescueStories

However, Janzon had never raised an otter before and didn't know what to do. He was scared, as Leya needed care around the clock, but she began to thrive and quickly bonded with him. She would cry when he left the room and curl up in his lap to feel safe.

"The first time she let me pet her, I remember thinking this can't be real," Janzon told the TikTok account SoulPaws Tails. "It felt like a dream, this wild, free otter choosing to trust me."

Still, Janzon kept second-guessing himself, wondering if he was doing the right thing. Otters are wild animals, and he knew Leya couldn't stay indoors forever. So, starting with a plastic kiddie pool in the backyard, Janzon helped Leya learn to swim. She was awkward in the water at first, but little by little, day by day, she grew more confident.

@matsjanzon

Two years ago, our sweet otter pup Leya took her very first splash in a cozy baby pool, a moment that still melts our hearts! At just a few weeks old, tiny Leya was all curiosity and wobbly paws as she explored the shallow water filled with colorful floating toys. 🌊✨ Her first cautious pats at the surface turned into excited splashes as she chased the toys. Watching her dive and twirl, already showing off her natural otter grace, was pure magic. Now, at 2 years old, Leya’s likely out in the wild, thriving and possibly finding a safe territory for her own pups. 🌿 We’re so proud of the strong, playful otter she’s become, and we’ll always cherish those early days of her splashing adventures in that little pool. 💙 Here’s to Leya, ruling the rivers and raising her own little swimmers! 🦦🌟 #Throwback #FirstSwim #OtterMemories #WildAndFree #fyp #foryourpage

Leya followed Janzon everywhere. Soon she became part of the family, which included another rescued crow and a cat. The animals would play hide and seek, chasing one another around the bushes. Janzon says it was like something out of a children's storybook.

Once Leya was totally comfortable in the water, he took her down to the lake. She looked up at Janzon as if to ask, "What now?" He nodded at her, and she jumped into the water. He realized that in some way he'd become a father to her.

"I named Leya while sitting with her on my lap, gazing out over the lake in a near-meditative state," Janzon tells Upworthy. "I quietly asked her, 'Who are you? What should I call you?' The name Leya popped into my mind, and when I said it aloud, she instantly looked up at me. That’s when I knew it was the name meant for her."

But as Leya grew, so did her wild instincts. She began to wander farther and stay out longer, and Janzon knew it was time to let her go. He describes it as "a strange kind of love—part pride, part heartbreak" but she started living the life she was meant to live.

@soulpaws_tails

This Otter Hope Into My Kayak Every Morning Just To Say "Hello". Beautiful And Heartwarming Story of Leya The Otter #animals #animalsoftiktok #tiktok #otter #tiktok

"Leya is an old soul, brimming with energy and positivity, always finding opportunities in everything," Janzon says. "Nothing seems impossible for her. She’s been a true inspiration and a dear friend during my transition from a conventional career to a life focused on something greater, not just working to pay bills, but making a difference by helping all living beings in our community."

At some point, Leya started staying away for days at a time. But even then, when Janzon was out for a morning kayak ride on the lake, he'd see her nose pop out of the water and start moving towards him. Leya knew he was there and would swim up and climb into the kayak for cuddles and a ride.

@matsjanzon

#fyp #foryourpage #otter #morningmotivation #relaxing #RescueStories #ViralNature #wildanimals #morningvibes #sunrise #WildlifeTikTok

Sometimes she'd even bring a snack with her:

@matsjanzon

#fyp #foryourpage #otter #morningmotivation #relaxing #RescueStories #ViralNature #morningvibes #wildanimals

And sometimes she'd return after nearly a week away for a little snuggle time:

@matsjanzon

Someone came home tired after 6days in the wild 🦦❤️‍🩹 #foryourpage #fyp #morningmotivation #RescueStories #otter

People love seeing Leya's bond with her human and Janzon's peaceful videos that seem like something out of a dream:

"Sorry, which fantasy world is this and can I have the Google maps link to get there?"

"I wish the world could be like this."

"She’s your significant otter. 😂😂"

"You are so lucky to be friends with a cute otter who also gets to live her own life. She chooses to be with you. 🥰"

"She’s just living her best life and I think you are too - good luck to you and enjoy it. 😊"

otter, leya the otter, otter rescue, mats janzon, tame otter Leya and Mats hanging out in his kayak.Courtesy of Mats Janzon

Mats says Leya is officially living her wild life now.

"I last saw Leya at the end of May," Janzon tells Upworthy. "Initially, we thought she’d find her own territory before winter, but after several long trips, she chose to stay under the house while the lake was frozen. When spring arrived, she resumed her search, staying away for up to 10 days before returning for brief visits, lasting a few hours to a day. Her last visit was unusually long, over a week. I suspect she may have been pregnant, eating heartily to prepare for a longer stay in a new territory farther away."

Janzon wants people to know that as much as he loves Leya, she's not a pet. "When an animal trusts you, it creates a bond deeper than words can explain," he told SoulPaws Tails. "If you're thinking of adopting or rescuing an animal, especially a wild one, please do it with your whole heart and full responsibility. Do your homework, talk to professionals, ask questions, learn everything you can about animals like Leya. They aren't pets. They're living, feeling souls that deserve to be loved and respected for who they are."

You can follow Mats Janzon and see more videos of Leya on TikTok.

Pop Culture

Woman's cheeky PSA to swap sports metaphors for makeup lingo at work has other women applauding

"The deal's not over before we apply the setting spray" needs to be said in offices immediately.

@arikraemerhq/TikTok

Can we please normalize this??

Anyone who’s worked in an office setting knows that corporate lingo and sports jargon go hand-in-hand. In fact, the two are intertwined within history, but that’s another story. But while there’s nothing wrong with “knocking it out of the park” or “being a team player,” what if workplace language took a more feminine turn?

This was the thought experiment that began after Ari Kraemer, a 32-year-old sales and marketing professional from Minnesota, began quite literally flipping the workplace script by injecting makeup and beauty metaphors into the conversation. Honestly, it’s something Elle Woods would be so proud of.

In Kraemer's first video, posted in May, she says things like, "I know we want to move forward with this, but are we adding the foundation before the primer here?" and, "I'm seeing buying signals here too, but the deal's not over until we add our setting spray," which beauty aficionados will immediately understand.

@arikraemerhq We’re gonna need a full beat to win this pitch
♬ original sound - Ari Kraemer

If you need a translation, Kraemer is basically suggesting that someone is getting ahead of themselves in the first statement, and that the “deal” isn’t over until a final, cementing action is taken in the second. So maybe like, “You’re stepping up to the plate without a bat” and, “The game’s not over until the clock reaches 0:00”? I don’t know…I’m not a sports person!

Kraemer’s silly-but-smart video quickly went viral and got such positive feedback.

"Great analysis of how gendered language is," one person shared.

Another said, “As someone who works at Ulta corporate, I’m using all of these.”

Similarly, another added, “I work in cosmetic science. I’m going to legit start using these at work.”

And of course, people were inspired to contribute their own suggestions.

"We're aiming for a natural glow, not a full beat."

"I think we're veering on blush blindness with this. Let's scale back."

“Great initial idea, needs a blending shade.”

“You’re trying to add lashes before the glue is tacky.”

"The client wants Charlotte Tilbury quality on an NYX budget."

Following her viral success, Kraemer has posted quite a few more of these bad boys. Including one below where we really get to see makeup and sports metaphors go head-to-head…ultimately coalescing in the most wholesome way.

And to think, this all started after going to a work summit where the speaker constantly used sports metaphors, leaving Kraemer and a female colleague feeling isolated. "It kept distracting from his point," she said in an interview with BuzzFeed. "My female colleague and I joked about it, and I thought, Why not flip the script? Why do we always default to sports and war when talking about business?"

In a subsequent interview with Newsweek, she added that, "Traditional sports metaphors feel overused, and they exclude those of us who do not follow sports.” She believes her videos “resonated because so many women want to show up in ways that reflect their authentic experience.”

@arikraemerhq Replying to @anna f curtis • skincare stuff more requests from the comments and a few originals #corporatehumor #womeninbusiness #worklife ♬ original sound - Ari Kraemer

And for those who would like to infuse a bit more beauty gab into the workplace to give it a true glow-up, Kraemer even wrote a book, titled Touching Up, compiling some of her most beloved makeup-inspired phrases. The book, of course, is an unapologetic hot pink. Again, so Elle Woods-coded. Love to see it.

Photo Credit: Erik Bowker, Denver Zoo Conservation Alliance

A howler monkey naps on the back of a capybara.

One never knows when or how they will meet their BFF, but where better than the Tropical Discovery indoor rainforest at the Denver Zoo? It just so happened that a six-year-old capybara named Rebecca and a 16-year-old howler monkey called Baya, both needed a little sisterhood in a "pen packed with boys" as they were put together as part of the Conservation Alliance.

On the Denver Zoo's Facebook page, they share a cuddly picture of the besties and write, "You're welcome for the cuteness overload."

One Facebook commenter jokes, "Someone is definitely going to start making capybara-monkey plush animal sets now. And I’ll bet 'monkey-riding-a capybara' will become a motif in children’s pajamas. Just wait for it."

Another has actually met the pair. "We saw Rebecca giving Baya a piggyback ride one day! So funny!"

This commenter gives insight as to just how unique this paring is. "I studied wild (mantled) howler monkeys in Costa Rica, and the interesting thing about this is that howlers are some of the most anti-social monkeys. Even living in troops, they have < 3 min. of direct social interaction with one another a day. They spend all their time eating and sleeping--not cuddling, And they are some of the most averse monkeys to coming down to the ground, doing it only in the most dire of emergencies. So seeing one on the ground and cuddling with a capybara is quite unusual!"

howler monkey, zoo, monkey, trees, baby monkey Howler monkey holds their baby in a tree. baby commons.wikimedia.org

National Geographic somewhat backs up this claim. They also report that these are the loudest of monkeys (hence the name) and that they don't often interact with others below the treetops. "They are at home in the forest, they hardly ever leave the treetops. They don't move very far each day, feeding leisurely at the very top of the forest canopy. Howlers mainly eat leaves, as well as fruits, nuts, and flowers. Howler monkeys get almost all the water they need from the food they eat. One of the few times they can be spotted on the ground, however, is during very dry spells when they need to find extra water."

As for the capybara, the San Diego Zoo's website asks, "Is it a beaver without a tail? A hairy pig without a snout? No, it’s a capybara, the largest rodent in the world! At only two feet tall, they add, "Originally thought to be a pig of some sort, we now know that the capybara is a rodent, closely related to cavies and guinea pigs."

capybara, rodent, animals, big teeth, zoo A capybara yawns in the wild. Yawning Capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) | Cotsworld www.flickr.com

In an article for Axios Denver, writer Alayna Alvarez shares that, although the two cuties are South American, they most likely would not have met in the outside world. Alvarez spoke with Jessica Newell, the Denver Zoo's assistant Tropical Discovery curator, who says that it's the older monkey who seeks comfort in the larger capybara. "Rebecca's pretty calm, and Baya's able to go to her for comfort and support …They are very content with each other."

She also explains the timeline of their friendship. Baya is a single monkey-mom with three sons who came to Denver a few months back from the Florida Brevard Zoo. Rebecca has been in Denver a few years and came "with her mate Roy."

In just a few days, there are already tens of thousands of Insta-likes and tons of comments. Many ask questions, which are answered on the Denver Zoo Insta page. One asks, "Omg, do they live in the same enclosure?" A person answers, "Yes! They share a habitat with Rebecca's Cappy husband Roy and Baya's sons, (I don't recall their names.)

Another shares, "Capybaras are nature's universal moms. Every animal wants to get some of that nurturing love." This Instagrammer summed up the beautiful friendship, quipping, " "It's her emotional support capybara."