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11 things you can do to have a Thanksgiving in the true spirit of the holiday.

This Thanksgiving, let your belly be full of love and gratitude ... and pie.

The first time a bunch of immigrants and locals got together in the U.S. to eat some home-cooked fowl, it was 1621.

And, according to some historians, it was more like a big, loose, last-minute festival than a fancy sit-down dinner.

This "First Fun Thanksgiving" image via Mike Licht/Flickr (based on original by Jean Leon Gerome Ferris).

They probably didn't even eat turkey! Mostly, they were just really happy to have enough food to eat because life in the new world was rough.

This year, to have a holiday that celebrates this gorgeous season, honors the food and history of our land, and feels full of love (instead of just plain full), here are some ideas to keep in mind:

First, forget the hype and reconnect with the real.

1. Make your understanding of the holiday as rich and studied as the menu.

Why? Because this holiday has a pretty special history! The very first recorded "Pilgrims and Indians" feast, for example, is a happy story, but later meals have a sad and gruesome meaning.

And do you even know that first tribe's name? It's the Wampanoag! Here's a great great summary with some startling information in it and links to learn even more.

And while you're at it, you can teach your kids a real-er story about our country.

This version, for example, is kid-oriented, brain-stimulating, and will make for some cool dinner conversation with the whole family. And you can freak them out with the picture of eel pie.

2. Get your 1621 vibe on.

Think about what that first harvest festival was like. Nathaniel Philbrick points out that to all the pilgrims from Great Britain, where fall is kind of ho-hum, the New England trees turning color would have been shocking and awesome.

Hear his take on the history, in parts 1 and 2. What kind of autumnal appreciating can you do where you are?

3. Try an actual recipe from a Native American tribe.

Slow Food USA offers this neat interactive map and collection of recipes, many of them from Native tribes, organized by region.

Photos from SlowFood USA, used with permission.

When you serve your Wampanoag stewed pompion, add some dinnertime trivia, courtesy of Smithsonian: The first Thanksgiving couldn't have had pumpkin pie as we know it, because they didn't have butter or wheat to make pie crust.

Speaking of planning that menu...

4. Up your veggie-to-meat ratio!

Image by Rebecca Siegel/Flickr.

Whether you're having bacon on your Brussels sprouts or not, you can shop for food that's been raised in a way that cares for the earth. What we eat affects the climate, and raising animals can be tough on a planet! Green things up with gosh-I'm-so-thanksgivingful- for-the-bounty-of-the-earth gusto.

5. Make your turkey a marvel.

For example, you can use this search tool to find a grocery store near you that'll offer Certified Humane poultry. Or get Pilgrim-y and get a heritage turkey. (Again, makes for great table conversation.) Get the whole low-down on turkeys from this this guide.

6. Keep it local.

This is seriously the holiday to support farmers in the region where you live — it's a holiday all about their harvest! See if your grocery store has a "local" section, or find a nearby farmers market. Learn more about where our food's coming from and how to have a 100-Mile Thanksgiving from these rad stats and infographics.

That's a long trip for a little broccoli stalk! Infographic by Sustainable America, used with permission.

7. If it came outta the earth, put it back in!

In other words, compost your potato peels. You know what the Pilgrims always said? "Waste not, want not." Well I'm not sure they said it, but I bet they lived it. Bag up all your veggie trimmings and stems and leaves — and stuff that fell on the ground — as you go, stick it in your freezer, and then take it to a compost collection center near you. I used to promise myself I'd make soup stock with all that stuff, but I'm so tired of cooking after Thanksgiving that I prefer composting the food waste. It helps me feel like I'm respecting the food I'm making not to send any of it into a landfill.

8. Drink well! How about some apple cider from local apples? Or wine grown ecologically?

For guaranteed holiday cheer, my recipe is apple cider from the farmers market, heated on the stove with a cinnamon stick and spiked with bourbon. But if wine's your thing, check out the free guide you can get from Slow Wine.

Finally, make the day after Thanksgiving more wonderful, too.

9. Make better use of that Friday.

Celebrate Buy Nothing Day by … buying nothing. Suggested alternatives to violent stampeding at the mall? A lo-o-o-o-ng walk, catching up on a stack of magazines, a game of soccer or touch football, making an overdue phone call, or finally attempting to make that soup stock with your leftovers.

10. Spend that time with people, places, or things that make you feel grateful.

Need inspiration? Check out the 365 Grateful project.

Just one example of gratitude from 365 Grateful's Facebook page. Photo used with permission.

11. Really commit to your community.

Lots of us suddenly remember how lucky we are, and want to give back by volunteering on Thanksgiving, but places need help year-round. (In fact, many say they can't even offer volunteer shifts to all the people who want to come during the holidays.) Commit to sowing the seeds of gratitude and community throughout the year, with a group you feel as warm and gooey as sweet potatoes about.

And finally, remember to say thanks — to the person cooking dinner or bringing over a side dish, to the grocery clerk, to your ride home, and to whomever you're thankful for now and throughout the year.

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Woman builds an elaborate hotel in her yard for stray cats to stay cozy through the winter

People are calling it "Hotel Catifornia" and "The Fur Seasons."

A woman in China provides a cozy home for stray cats in her neighborhood.

As winter approaches, people may wonder how stray animals stay warm and safe. Stray cats in particular are highly adaptable creatures and their home is the great outdoors, so most of the time there's not much that people need to do to protect them. But when temperatures dip to dangerous levels, caring humans naturally want to make sure strays have a place to go to get out of the harsh elements.

One woman has taken that desire to a whole new level with an elaborate cat apartment she built for the many stray cats in her neighborhood. We're not just talking about a shelter–it's like luxury hotel living for her feline friends. The apartment has multiple rooms, cushy blankets that get taken out and cleaned and even a temperature-controlled water source so they're always able to find drinking water in frigid temps.

Check this out:

The woman who built the apartment actually lives in China and shares videos on TikTok.

Welcome to the Meowtel Catifornia

Of course, the clever hotel jokes and puns started rolling in first thing:

'Welcome to the hotel catifornia."

"Such a lovely place."

"They can check out any time but they won't ever leave ^^"

"I prefer Hotel Calicofornia."

"Meowriott."

"Given my skill, mine would be more like Meowtel 6."

"Pawliday Inn.'

"The Fur Seasons."'

"Meowne Plaza."

People loved seeing the care and ingenuity she put into the "meowtel," as well as how happy the cats seem with the arrangement. In fact, some people were sure their own house cats would move out just to go live in this kind of cat commune.

"My cat just looked at me and sighed…"

"All the neighbours be looking for their cats and they’ve bailed to live at the kitty motel."

"They’d pack their little bags and move in without a second thought."

"They wouldn't even wait to pack their bags."

"Alright Carol it’s been real but we’re gonna head out. Found a great deal on a luxury apartment so yanno… take care."


@5fimnl9m

Create a single apartment on the third floor of a four story winter cat shelter for stray cats#fyp #cat #cute #Straycat#salvation

Cats live where they want when they want

Those people may have been joking, but several people shared that their cats really did ditch them to go live with neighbors who had more desirable living situations.

"I’ve had two cats do this. One was annoyed at our second dog’s puppy energy so she moved in with an older lady a street over. We used to see her all the time until she passed. The other missed our kids being little so she moved next door where there’s a little girl. We talked to both neighbors and said if they get sick of them to let us know and we’ll take them back but both lived the rest of their lives with their new families."

"One of our cats moved next door because he loves children and wanted to be with the little girl next door. Because it’s a very small village, he goes to the school most days to wait for her and they come home together. School is 3 buildings away."

"We had a cat do the same thing about 20 years ago. She hated the barks of our new puppy and would put her paw on his mouth to try and stop it. One day, she slipped outside and I found her a month later, two streets over, hanging with a couple who didn’t have a dog. They said she just showed up at the door and moved in. I gave them all her cat food and hope she had a nice quiet life."


@5fimnl9m

After two months of production and renovation, the basic facilities for wintering stray cats in the courtyard are almost complete#fyp #cat #cute #Straycat #salvation

Is it a bad idea to feed and shelter stray cats?

People have differing opinions about whether it's good to feed stray cats or not, as cats can cause problems for local wildlife and it's not great to encourage an increasing stray cat population. However, there are responsible ways to care for stray cats, which includes spaying and neutering those in your area.

According to the Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon, here are the best practices for feral and stray cats:

- Spay/neuter to prevent additional litters

- Find homes for friendly cats

- Feed outdoor cats on a schedule

- Remove food & dishes when they are done eating

- Pick up scraps and keep the feeding area tidy

- Provide fresh water

- Provide a warm place for the cats to sleep

So go ahead and care for those kitties and keep them warm through the winter—just make sure they can't make any more kittens.



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'This is the face of domestic violence.' Megan Montgomery's tragic story is far too common.

"THIS is the face of domestic violence."

Feminist News/Megan Montgomery

Megan Montgomery and Jason McIntosh on their wedding day

If you were to look at Megan Montgomery's Instagram account, you'd see a beautiful, smiling woman in the prime of her life, her youth and fitness the envy of women the world over. You'd even see some photos of her with her husband (#datenight), with comments saying things like "Aww, gorgeous couple!"

But beneath her picture-perfect feed was the story of a woman in an abusive relationship with her husband—one that would start with his arrest shortly after they got married, and end 10 months later with him shooting her to death in a parking lot.

In a Facebook post, one of the people who was out with Megan the night of her murder detailed how her estranged husband had come to their table, put his hand on her neck and shoulder, and escorted her out of the building.

She went with him willingly, but anyone familiar with abusive relationships knows that "willingly" is a subjective term. He had reportedly threatened mass violence before. Perhaps she was trying to protect the people she was with. Perhaps staying felt more dangerous to her than going with him.

The couple reportedly had a volatile relationship from the start, and at one point both had restraining orders against the other. Regardless, she was killed by the man who had claimed to love her, an ex-cop who had been arrested for domestic violence and had been bailed out multiple times prior to that evening.

Feminist News wrote the gist of Megan's story on Facebook, sharing photos from the couple's wedding to illustrate how invisible domestic violence can be to those outside of it. "THIS is the face of domestic violence," they wrote.

But what was perhaps most striking about the post was the deluge of comments from women describing their own experiences with domestic violence. Comment after comment explaining how a partner always made them think the abuse was their fault, how restraining orders were repeatedly violated, how they were charmed and loved into questioning whether the verbal abuse or physical violence was really that bad. Story after story of how they didn't see it coming, how slowly and insidiously it escalated, how terrifying it was to try to leave.

Those of us who have not been in abusive relationships don't always understand why people don't leave them. But the dynamics of abuse—the emotional manipulation, the gaslighting, the self-esteem destruction, the fear and shame—are well documented.

Unfortunately, those dynamics can prove deadly. Domestic violence murders have been on the rise in recent years, going up 19% between 2014 and 2017. And sadly, our justice system does not protect domestic violence survivors as well as it should.

Part of the challenge of prosecuting in domestic violence cases is that victims are not always willing to cooperate, either out of fear or shame or embarrassment, or unhealthy loyalty. According to some estimates, domestic violence victims recant their testimony up to 70% of the time. That's why some are pushing for evidence-based prosecution without requiring victim testimony, much like we try murder cases.

But some, like University of Maryland law professor Leah Goodmark, argue that pushing for more law enforcement hasn't proven to reduce domestic violence rates. Addressing issues of poverty, childhood trauma, attitudes toward gender equality, and other risk factors for domestic violence may be more effective by stopping violence before it starts.

While abuse happens to both men and women, women are more likely to be victims and much more likely to be murdered by a partner. Thankfully, there are many resources for domestic violence survivors to seek help, whether you're trying to determine if your relationship is abusive or trying to figure out if, when, and how to leave. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org or call 1−800−799−7233) has a wealth of information on domestic violence and what to do about it. The website even has a live chat where you can get your questions answered and receive assistance making a safety plan for you and your family.

If you are afraid of your partner or other loved one, there's something wrong. No one should live in fear of the people who are supposed to love them the most.


This article originally appeared on 12.16.19

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Mom took heat for cleaning her teen's bedroom. Her response was a lesson in grace.

She won the #CleanTok controversy.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in.

For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, essentially.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready.

“I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”


@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her.,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audreynis certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

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Wellness expert explains what 'self-care' really is and it's far from what we've been sold

Self-care doesn't need to cost you a thing.

Photo credit: Canva

Self-care is not what we've be taught one therapist explains

Self-care. It's something that has been co-opted by wellness influencers and gurus that somehow always involve spending money on something luxurious. Self-care is often branded as things like pedicures, vacations and hour long massages at the spa but according to Dr. Raquel Martin, we've been doing self-care all wrong.

Martin is a licensed psychologist and recently uploaded a video where she explains what self-care is truly supposed to be–it's not indulgent. At least indulgence shouldn't be an all the time expectation of self-care though she acknowledges that the wellness industry has monetized the decadent vision of self-care. Martin explains that having self-care propped up as something that is indulgent isolates people who cannot afford those types of activities.

The psychologist goes on to share how she practices self-care, surprising viewers, "not responding to every call and if I do not have the bandwidth to have the conversation, stating that I don't have the bandwidth to have the conversation." She also says she says no to things she doesn't want to do, setting a financial budget, and not drinking caffeine after 4 PM.

Things Martin listed are things a lot of people don't think about as self-care but in actuality, self-care is defined by taking care of one's self. This means practicing self-care is getting in a few minutes of exercise a day, drinking more water or spending time with friends watching mindless television. You don't have to spend money to care for yourself. Commenters were shocked and thankful for Martin's clarification on what self-care is actually supposed to be.



"Love this list!! As a massage therapist, I have to call out the misconception that massage is indulgent. I'm always telling my patients that self care is more than a bath. I will be sharing this list with my patients. I'm also trying to make massage more accessible," one person writes.

"Thank you for this post. I’m internalizing your advice to see how I can apply. You resonated with my thoughts on so many levels. However, you also provided some clarity and food for thought/fuel for action," another says.

"I really appreciate what you said about pallet cleansers! Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I'm not able to read and consume and learn about all the issues different people are facing. It's really important to me to learn about those things, not just for awareness, but also so I can do something about it. But self care is so important throughout that, like leaving my phone in the other room, or watching my comfort shows like you said. I often read kids books or TV because of how horrible the world is right now, and I need something extremely wholesome to balance it out. Also, workshop? I'm not sure what that means but I like learning from you. Thanks," someone shares.

So maybe it's time to collectively ditch those indulgent expectations of self-care and really take a look at ways we care for ourselves instead.


This article originally appeared on 7.15.24

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Real estate agent asks his Gen Z employee to edit a work video and the result is pure comedy

"This 100% caught my attention far more than whatever you were going to say."

@pridemoreproperties/Instagram

“Gen Z in the workforce is my favorite thing about life."

Gotta hand it to Gen Z—their tech savviness and sarcastic humor is a potent combination for comedy. Add to that a blatant disregard for workplace decorum, and you’ve got a recipe for some grade A viral entertainment.

Mike Hege, a realtor at Pridemore Properties in North Carolina, recently learned this after asking the company's 27-year-old video marketing manager to make a video for his Instagram and TikTok pages.

The employee did as asked, but took on some, shall we say…creative touches that Hege certainly didn’t expect.

As the phrase “Asked my Gen Z employee to edit a video for me, and this is what I got!” appears on screen, viewers witness a compilation video made entirely of Hege taking various inhales, presumably before going into whatever spiel he had intended to be recorded.

Essentially, this employee showcased the infamous “millennial pause” in action. Over and over again. She even threw in some awkward hair zhuzhing for good measure.

Watch:

Clearly this employee was onto something, because the video has already racked up a little over 4 million likes on Instagram. Several viewers suggested a raise was called for.

“Give her a raise because this 100% caught my attention far more then whatever you were going to say,” one person wrote.

Another added, ““Her audacity is so respectable tho.”

Of course, just type in “Letting Gen Z Edit My Videos” on TikTok, and you’ll see that Hege isn’t the only one giving his videos the Gen Z treatment.

Check out this one from the Goodwill of North Georgia. Poor fella giving the presentation made the mistake of saying “it’s okay, he’ll edit that out” after making a flub. It was, of course, not edited out.

@goodwill_ng

We've definitely got things😊

♬ original sound - Goodwill of North Georgia

“Gen Z is so unserious I love us,” one person commented.

There’s also this delightfully quirky one from the Poe Museum, home of “a wide variety of chairs”…where you’ll learn that “you can never have too many flat Edgars.”

@poemuseum We’ve got chairs at the Poe Museum! #edgarallanpoe #Richmond #poe #PoeMuseum ♬ original sound - The Poe Museum

“Gen Z in the workforce is my favorite thing about life,” a viewer wrote.

As for Hege and his employee, he told TODAY that his company wanted their social media presence to reflect “authenticity” and “humanity,” and that the Gen Z employee completely succeeded in her task.

“This was the editor’s way of showcasing that we’re real people and that we can have fun and be on the lighter side,” he said, adding that she’s been “crushing it” since her employment began in February. So maybe that raise isn’t so far off after all.


This article originally appeared on 7.15.24

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