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11 things that put the number of people who've voted for Trump in perspective.

OK, so. This ... looks bad.

Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

Donald Trump's resounding victory in Indiana last night — and Ted Cruz and John Kasich's departures from the race — means that, barring a last-minute catastrophe, he's all but wrapped up the Republican nomination for president.

While it's more than a little discouraging to think that Trump, a man who's made so many bigoted comments about Mexicans, Muslims, women, black people, and Jews (and that's not even a full list of groups he's offended) is still so beloved by so many people, the truth is that though the 11 million total votes cast in Trump's favor this far have been good enough to best his rivals and let him walk away with a commanding victory in the Republican primary, it doesn't actually make him all that popular in the grand scheme of things.

11 million votes might sound like a lot, but there are 318 million Americans, meaning that, currently, only 3.5% of the population has cast a ballot for Trump. That's peanuts. Even if we grant that a lot of those are children and others who can't vote, that's still peanuts. Not even peanuts. It's just peas. Or just nuts.

But I digress.

To put that 11 million number in perspective, here's a look at how many more millions of Americans do noble, inspiring, or just generally kind of cool things each year than have voted for Trump's brand of hater-ade this year.

1. Volunteering (62.6 million people)

62.6 million Americans volunteered in 2013. That's 51.6 million more people than have voted for Trump so far.

Photo by Randy Shropshire/Getty Images.

Statistically speaking, at this point, you're about five times more likely to find Americans who recently made brownies for a church bake sale or escorted a 90-year-old nursing home resident to the bathroom than you are to encounter Americans who bought hard enough into Trump's BS about Mexicans being rapists and Muslims being terrifying death-splosion monsters to cast a vote for him.

Unless of course, you're on the internet, in which case, they'll find you.

2. Going to a baseball game to watch a last-place team play (which people did 14.1 million times)

Always next year, Papi. Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images.

Attendance at the stadiums of the six worst MLB teams in their division last year totaled 14.1 million. That means 3.1 million people thought it was a better use of their time and money to watch the completely hopeless Boston Red Sox, Oakland Athletics, Cincinnati Reds, Philadelphia Phillies, Detroit Tigers, and Colorado Rockies flail helplessly at a series of 90-mile-per-hour fastballs for three-plus hours than to cast a vote for Donald Trump.

Sure, some of them probably went to games more than once, but these attendance figures don't count the millions of fans who, even more bafflingly, went to watch those teams lose on the road. When you factor that in, it's clear that more Americans spent the summer of 2015 clinging to an inspiringly cockeyed and delusional but ultimately charming hope that it still just might be Joey Votto's year than who voted for the host of "Celebrity Apprentice" to become the Republican nominee for president of the United States.

3. Being Latino (55 million people)

Photo by David McNew/Getty Images.

Among the 55 million Americans who identify as Latino, Trump currently boasts an impressive 77% unfavorable rating.

That means there are almost four times more Latino-Americans who hate Trump's guts (42 million) then there are total people who have voted for him so far.

4. Using wind to power their homes (approx. 45 million people)

Photo by David McNew/Getty Images.

Wind turbines provide power to an estimated 18 million American homes. Given that the average American household contains 2.5 people, that's about 45 million people helping save planet Earth by doing nothing more than living high off that sweet breezy crude — 34 million more people than have pulled the lever (or filled in the dot or dimpled the chad) for the former CEO of Trump Steaks.

5. Donating to charity (265 million people)

Photo by Albert Herring/Wikimedia Commons.

Americans not only gave $358 billion in 2014, but a Gallup poll taken the previous year found that 83% made some sort of charitable donation, which works out to about 265 million people.

That's not only a staggering amount of humans; it's real money! Definitely more real than the donations Donald Trump promised to make to veterans organizations and then only sort of did.

6. Supporting the right to affordable, reproductive health care (175 million people)

Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images.

55% of Americans — about 175 million people — favor federal funding for Planned Parenthood.

Even if you extrapolate out Trump's percentage of the Republican primary vote (40%) to half or all of the electorate, Planned Parenthood still comes out ahead.

Not getting ovarian cancer and being able to choose when or if you're ready to start a family: still more popular than giving the doofus behind Trump Airlines the nuclear codes.

7. Visiting America's national parks (which people did 307.2 million times)

Meh. Photo by Karen Bleier/Getty Images.

America's national parks recorded a whopping 307.2 million visits in 2015.

That's like if 11 million people each voted for 28 Donald Trumps...


Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

...perhaps the most terrifying "28 of something" that it is possible to have — narrowly edging out bees, undetonated land mines, and phone calls from your mom where she didn't leave a voicemail.

8. Watching "Let It Go" on YouTube (526 million views)

Photo by Matt Stroshane/Disney Parks via Getty Images

As of May 4, 2016, the official video for "Disney's 'Frozen' 'Let it Go' Sequence Performed by Idina Menzel" had been watched an ungodly 526 million times! If there was a way to put it to a vote, a 3-year-old theater-pop anthem of self-empowerment from a children's movie would pile-drive Donald Trump into the mat in the biggest landslide in history.

(Is it too late for the Democrats to nominate "Disney's 'Frozen 'Let It Go' Sequence Performed by Idina Menzel?" Asking for a friend).

9. Commuting on public transit (16 million people)

Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images.

The bad news? A mere 5% of all Americans use mass transit to get to work. The good news? That works out to 16 million people, which is five million more than have voted for a trust-fund baby who bankrupted his gross casinos.

10. Calling to tell their moms how much they love her (??? million people)

Admittedly, I've got no statistics on this, but I think it's a safe bet to assume more than 11 million Americans do this each year.

I hope more than 11 million Americans do this each year.

You're the best, Mom. Photo via iStock.

And most importantly...

11. Not voting for Trump (14.5 million voters)

11 million people in the Republican primary voted for Donald Trump.

14.5 million Republican primary voters haven't. That's about 3.5 million more, according to math.

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

Meanwhile, the ranks of Republicans who not only didn't vote for Trump's brand of callous bigotry, but say they still won't vote for Trump include an editor of a prominent conservative blog...


...a former John McCain adviser...


...and the managing editor of the Washington Examiner, a conservative publication.


Meanwhile, 12 million Democratic primary voters have voted for the Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton and 9 million have voted for Bernie Sanders. Math says that's a total of 21 million people — 10 million more than have voted for Trump thus far. If you combine the Republican and Democratic not-Trump votes, you get almost 45 million.

Trump will almost certainly get more than 11 million votes in a general election, especially now that the other 17 Republican candidates have dropped out of the race. But while Trump might seem unstoppable now, only 3.5% of Americans have actually cast a vote for him thus far.

Far more Americans are standing up to Trump's brand of bigotry, mysogyny, xenophobia, and general cluelessness than are casting a ballot for it.

And that's just as important a story.

From now until November, let's make sure we keep it that way, so that Trump can go back to doing what he does best:

Photo by Chad Buchanan/Getty Images.

Selling terrible vodka.

Pop Culture

JPMorgan offered return-to-office perks that are remarkably similar to the show 'Severance'

The only thing missing was a "music dance experience."

Apple TV

Adam Scott and Tramell Tillman in Severance

While remote work has been a mainstay since the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more companies are attempting to mandate that employees return to the office, on a full or part-time basis, including one now-infamous effort from JPMorgan Chase. The company announced that as of March 2025, all employees were required to return to the office five days per week. Their CEO even ditched the policy that allowed employees to work-from-home two days per week.

To mark the occasion, welcome everyone back ( and perhaps twist the knife a bit deeper?) the United State's largest bank unveiled a plan for a massive $3 billion, 2.5 millions square foot tower on New York's famous Park Avenue—which would house 14,000 workers and feature state of the art architecture and technology—in addition to loading up its new corporate headquarters with perks to help employees transition back to office life.

Some of these "perks" were truly great and truly enticing. Others were... questionable, to say the least.

Grace Tallon on LinkedIn even noticed that some of the benefits of working in the JPMorgan Office seemed like they were yanked right out of one of the most popular current TV shows on the planet: Severance.

If you don't know it, Severance is a psychological thriller on Apple TV that doubles as a dark and biting satire of corporate office culture and capitalism. Employees at a mysterious company called Lumon are "severed" — meaning their brains, memories, and personalities are literally split in half. While at work, they are a different person and retain no memories when they leave the office every night. In return for their sacrifice and for hitting key milestones, the employees receive ludicrous rewards like short dance parties with their boss, melon parties with carved watermelons, and handfuls of balloons. Employees are also expected to marvel at bizarre pieces of art that line the hall, featuring stoic images of Lumon's revered (and more than a bit creepy) founders.

Conversely, JPMorgan's new tower boasted 19-restaurants with at-your-desk delivery, an Irish pub, and on-site physical therapy and yoga. But that's not all!

Tallon notes, however, that JPMorgan also tried to entice employees with things like "personalized climate" in rooms and offices, a "signature scent" that wafts through the halls and somehow reinforced the brand, and, get this, even a "corporate art collection" that celebrates the company's history and values. Be more on the nose next time, will you JPMorgan? That's to say nothing of design elements that support worker's circadian rhythms and coffee machines that learn your favorites over time.

"Let’s stop pretending this is about connecting and doing better work," she writes.

Read Tallon's full post below on the striking similarities:

Commenters agreed that the perks came off more than a little tone deaf.

While some folks defended the corporation for doing their best to make employees feel cared for and taken care of, others didn't quite see it that way, especially when they compared it to the perks of WFH life.

"The climate in my own home office is just right. Along with my own coffee, artwork, lighting (window wide open), and other perks and it cost me zero dollars to drive there and I don't have to wear shoes! Way out of touch," wrote Alix Z.

"Those perks sound more like a high-tech museum experience than actual employee benefits. Instead of a 'signature scent,' how about giving employees real reasons to feel good about coming to work?" said Diana Alayon.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Some at-home perk simply can't be beat. Photo credit: Canva

"Working at home perks: My own candle collection, curated to suit my preferences, Coffee and tea on tap, from our favourite brands, Comfortable cushions and blankets to help regulate my temperature at my desk, A variety of lighting options, ranging from warm white lamps to 'the big light', Freedom to work anywhere I want, such as my office desk, sofa, kitchen table or a coffee shop near by, Personalised art with photos of family and pictures we enjoy, Working space decorated to my own specifications, Plenty of spaces nearby for fresh air and dog walks" wrote Eloise Todd in a mic-drop comment.

There are of course benefits to working together in-person with your colleagues. And sure, if you're required to be there, nothing offsets discomfort quite like delicious lunches and free yoga classes. But to take away even the option of occasionally working from home and duct-taping over it with an algorithm that tracks coffee orders and temperature preferences, and filling the halls with strange paintings that move when employees walk by? It kind of loses the thread, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that the creators of Severance are so good at skewering.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, retseverance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobsurn to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Mark (Adam Scott) at the infamous dance party scene in Severance.  media0.giphy.com  

According to Forbes, there are 6 distinct reason companies might push for a return to the office. One, corporate heads believe employees get more "immersed in the company’s values." Two, they think it's easier to monitor whether or not an employee is actually working. Three, to justify the cot of that expensive office space. Four, to foster "spontaneous collaboration." Five, to give new employees a chance to observe and interact with more seasoned worker. and six, to restore a sense of belonging within the company.

But of course, none of these things have anything to do with what people really want: Autonomy. That, in addition to fair pay, some level of flexibility, and good benefits. Perks are nice — even the kind of weird ones — but they can only go so far. It remains to be seen if companies that dictate back-to-the-office edicts are willing to follow through on the things that really matter. Please note how waffle parties did not make that list.

This article originally appeared in February

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Modern Families

Grandma offers wake-up call for grandparents who can't stop buying the grandkids presents

She's got the perfect solution for what to do when you just can't pass up a great deal at the store.

@morethangrand/TikTok
Gift giving should feel good for the giver and the receiver. But around the holidays, it can be a major cause of stress.

Parents and grandparents find themselves at odds frequently. It could be a disagreement over how much screen time the kids get, battles over grandma giving them too many sweets, or arguments around how often grandma and grandpa should be babysitting. Conflict in their relationships is almost a given, and navigating disagreements in a healthy, productive way is key for the relationship to evolve and grow.

One huge source of that conflict comes in the form of... stuff! All parents can relate to the sense of dread they feel at the sight of the grandparents arriving for a visit with a trunk-full of of presents. Toys, furniture, costumes, decor, you name it. And that's just on a regular Tuesday. Around the holidays, it can get even worse. It's not that they don't want their kids getting gifts, it's just all too much, especially when you live in a home with a finite amount of storage.

DeeDee Moore, a grandma behind the website More Than Grand, recently shared on the her TikTok account that “too much stuff” given from grandparents to their grandkids is one of the main sources of holiday frustration for parents.


 gift guide for grandparents, christmas gifts, in law at christmas, grandparents, parents, kids, family, love Moore says experience gifts, and spending quality time, are better options than trunk-loads of presents.  Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash  

“75% of the parents that we surveyed wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts,” she explained, noting that while there are myriad reasons why this would be the case, the most common one (and incidentally the one most "waved off” by the grandparents) is the lack of physical space to accommodate.

Now, you might be thinking: How much harm can it really do to give a kid a new card game or a baby doll? Certainly those don't take up that much room. But when Moore breaks down the math, it’s a bit hard to deny.

“Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That’s already nine gifts plus something for mom and dad. We’re up to 10,” she said.

“If all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that’s 22 presents for a 2 year old who would be just as happy with a box.”

Add in gifts from friends, and random gift-dumps from grandma when she's been on a hot-streak at the thrift store, and you've got a serious storage problem on your hands.

@morethangrand

Gifts should be a joy for both the giver and recipient, but at this time of year, they can end up being a source of conflict. Watch for a tip on how to channel your grandparent generosity! For more ways to navigate hotspots during upcoming holidays, make sure you are on our email list! Go to my bio to sign up! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

Yikes, gotta admit that’s a lot. And that’s not counting the additional problems too much gift-giving can incite listed on the More Than Grand website, which included:

  • Undermining the parent’s values that they are trying to instill to their children
  • Damaging a child’s ability to use their imagination
  • Normalizing overconsumption
  • Teaching children to associate seeing grandma or grandpa with getting a gift, rather than focusing on the actual relationship
(Here's another one: Too many gifts steals Mom and Dad's thunder! Parents often put a lot of thought into picking out presents they know their kids will love, only for them to get buried in the avalanche of surprise presents.)

These are all good points, and yet, what to do with all those good intentions and a desire to spoil some precious little nugget? Luckily, Moore has the perfect fix.

“While your grandchildren are faced with getting too many gifts, many children are in the opposite situation. Take some of the things you bought to Toys for Tots or another organization that provides gifts for less fortunate families.”

This allows folks to step into the “true spirit of giving,” Moore concluded.

Viewers by and large seemed to agree, though many also noted how powerful experiential or future-building gifts could be, even if they're not as cute as toys or as fun to open.


@morethangrand

How often do we hear "it takes a village to raise a child'? Grandparents can be that village, but it can be hard to show up the way today's parents need. We created a digital grandparenting course that will teach you everything you need to know to be the village for your grandchild's parents. It's called New Grandparent Essentials, and you can find a link in my profile! It's the best investment you can make in your family as you become a grandparent! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

“My in-laws opened up a college fund for both my kids. Instead of stuff they put more money in the account. I’m so grateful!” one person wrote.

Another added, “I am giving experiences and putting money in an account for future needs (college, 1st house, starting business, etc).”

In the vein, here are two other tips grandparents can use for intentional gift-giving…

First and foremost: open up a discussion with the parents. See if they need help with a big ticket item, find out which hobby or sport the child is interested in, ask what’s a definite “no.” this can save a lot of headaches for everyone.

"The gifts should surprise the grandkids, not their parents," as one commenter wrote on the video.

Second: prioritize memories over stuff. A trip to the zoo, an education membership, a ticket for two to the movies…these are often the gifts that truly keep on giving.

And grandparents, don’t forget: just because you’re honoring boundaries, it doesn't mean you have to pass up that sweet little something you see in the aisles. After all, shopping is fun, and it's even better when you find a great deal or a cool discovery. But it can easily go to a little one who could really use it.

For even more tip on all things grandparenting, give More Than Grand a follow here.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.


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Joy

The 4 words that can keep conversation flowing forever, even between socially awkward people

You can keep seamlessly transitioning to more interesting topics.

via Canva/Photos

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder A man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

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Pop Culture

Optical illusion featuring creepy eye and color-changing tropical island is a total mind trip

Oh, how the eye plays tricks on us.

Reddit

Haven't had a classic creepy optical illusion in a while.

Optical illusions are always a fun way to learn about how our brains perceive the world—and how easily our eyes can be tricked.

One viral illusion going around, titled “This is black magic,” also happens to be giving perfect Summerween vibes—featuring a single solitary eye staring back at you and a very creepy narrated voice.

As you’ll see below, you, the viewer, are instructed to keep your gaze fixed on the eye in the center of the screen, in front of a tropical beach background with a “yellow sky and red sea.” Then…well…why don't you see for yourself first:

this is black magic
byu/SnooMemesjellies2323 inopticalillusions

As the voiceover explains, the color of the sky changes to have more “vibrant blues and greens.” Only, there were no blues and greens at all, when you go back and watch the video without staring at the eye, you see that the second image was actually black and white. DUN DUN DUN!!!!

As one viewer noted, "Watching it a second time and expecting the shift, it was even cooler. It swapped and I saw it in color, then saw the color fade to black and white.”

A few others couldn’t help but comment on the, ahem, interesting tone of the illusion overall.

"Why was the voice so creepy? I was anticipating a jump scare 😭," one person wrote.

So…is it really black magic? Obviously no. In fact, another viewer breaks down the science pretty darn well:

“Tldr: first image depletes chemical signals in your eye, so you see the exact opposite colors on the second image.

Your eye uses photoreceptors to create an image for the brain, by converting the light that lands on your retina (back of the eye) into chemical signals to represent color and bright/dark.

 optical illusion, reddit, color perception, color theory, color science, science, cool science A simple visual breakdown of eye anatomy.Photo credit: Canva

When you stare at an image without moving your eyes, that image becomes kind of ‘burned in’ temporarily to your retina, because the chemicals to send that specific image get depleted in the exact pattern of that image. In this example, the orange in the sky and water depletes whatever chemicals your photoreceptors use to send that orange to your brain wherever orange is in the image.

Then when you change to a black and white image, your photoreceptors only have the exact opposite chemicals left from what they need, so for a short time you'll see the exact opposite color of the primer image. In this example, the dark oranges turn to light tropical water blue and the light oranges turn to deep dark sky blue. Another easy way to see this is the clouds turn from black in the first image to white in the second.

An over simplified example would be like an ice cream machine that gives you either chocolate or vanilla. If everyone gets chocolate for a while, then after that you can only get vanilla until someone replenishes the chocolate."

Great explanation, but it was the ice cream metaphor that really resonated, amirite?

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Bottom line: while there might not be any black magic used to create this video, it’s certainly a cool reminder of how magical our brains are.

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Education

Experts explain why gracefully breaking up with a friend can sometimes be a healthy move

"The friends I have now are edited friends. And I picked them."

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Two friends hug. A friendship necklace breaks.

We so often talk about breakups in terms of romantic relationships and often forget the painful aspect of friendship splits. They happen and they can hurt. But what if we could reframe our thinking about them as, albeit hurtful, an actually positive opportunity to open up a little space for something that's a better fit?

There are times when an attempt to salvage a friendship is advised. Charley Burlock warns in an article "Should You Really Break Up with That Friend?" for Oprah Daily against the viral trend of cutting people off too quickly. "Opting not to work on—or even formally end—friendships has, in recent years, been widely rebranded as a wellness imperative: a means of 'protecting your peace,' 'respecting your self-worth,' or 'cutting out toxic people.'"

Burlock instead suggests kindness first. Citing author, podcaster, and 'friendship coach' Danielle Bayard Jackson, Burlock writes, "Rather than ghosting a friend when the going gets tough, make an effort to communicate with respect and kindness. The first line of friendship defense should always be a candid conversation, Jackson says—one free from therapy-speak and corporate buzzwords. 'If I've been holding your hair back in the bathroom, I know all your business. I cannot suddenly talk to you like HR—it’s cold, impersonal. And it feels really, really hurtful.'"

  Mel Robbins, Danielle Bayard Jackson  www.youtube.com  

And sometimes you just need to shift your expectations of the friendship. Burlock shares, "If after a conversation (or, ideally, a few), your friend is still not meeting your needs, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed. Rather than questioning whether a friend belongs in your life, it may be worth wondering if they belong in the role you have assigned them. If you have a friend who disappears when you’re struggling but who is a blast on a night out, you might want to find someone else to call when you need an emotional rock and reach out to her when booking a trip to Cancun."

That said, sometimes it's just time to move on. Maryjane Fahey, who operates the @gloriousbroads Instagram account, spoke for @flowspace about friendships, giving a wonderful spin on getting broken up with late in life. She shares, "Someone dumped me, a friend of 35 years. And she dumped me over Instagram with a message that was unclear. And it was so hard. I mean, that's hard—losing a girlfriend, is it not?" She turns to the audience, "Anybody lose a girlfriend? It's a $%^ch. So I didn't understand why this happened."

"And I was addicted to the podcast called Everything is Fine. And they happened to have a counselor talking about getting over women friendships. And she gave such a wonderful analysis: If you walk into a room and you see this woman, whom you had been friends with for 35 years, would you be attracted to her as you are now? And I realized, 'No, I wouldn't have been.'"

What she says next is key and involves the idea that we don't always get to choose our friends as children. But as adults, we do. "The friends I have now are edited friends and I picked them from all over. Their ages range. And yes, you absolutely can have friends, new friends—post 50, 60, 70 and 80!"

 friendship, school friends, playground, old friends Two school friends hug.   commons.wikimedia.org  

It's quite a popular topic on Reddit these days too. In the subreddit r/AskWomenOver30, someone asks, "Friendship breakups. Is it normal?" In part, this Redditor writes, "I decided I didn’t want the friendship anymore. I’ve realised as I’ve gotten older I’m less willing to tolerate this kind of BS and piss-taking. But I feel guilt and like I’m abnormal for cutting ties. Have others found they’ve broken up with / become more distant from friends as you head into your 30s?"

 friendship, broken, breaking up with friends, trust Kristen Wiig in a scene from Bridesmaids.   Giphy Apatow Productions 

There are over 100 comments. One writes emphatically, "First of all, I'm not sure this person was a friend in the first place, respectfully. Someone that talks down to you all the time and doesn't support you isn't someone to keep in your life, so kudos for doing the hard thing and cutting this person out!

Second, I've experienced friend breakups and also growing distant from friends as I've gotten older more as time went on. It isn't always a bad thing to have happen; most of the time it's because interests change, we move away from where we met, or something mundane like that. I want nothing but the best for those people and cherish the fond memories."

Another points out the popular notion of curating our friendships to keep only those who "spark joy" (in the words of Marie Kondo). "Yes this is normal. I'm starting to think my 30s is my Marie Kondo era for friendships and relationships. Less is more. Quality over quantity. Your tolerance level is not the same as it was a few years ago, let alone 10 years ago."

And this comment eloquently cuts to the chase: "My dad always told me, 'Don’t spend time with people who make you crazy.'"

 

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