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101 ways to take care of yourself when the world feels overwhelming.

A therapist shares small ways to practice self-care.

I think that, for most of us, there are times in life when it all just feels like Too Much.

There may be some days, weeks, months, maybe even years when — for whatever reason — just getting through the day or going to work or putting one foot in front of the other feels hard. Really, really hard.

Photo via iStock.

Maybe it’s because you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental illness.

Maybe it’s because you’ve had your heart broken. Maybe you’ve gone through a physical or emotional trauma. Maybe you’re deeply grieving. Or maybe there’s no easily understood reason for why you’re feeling bad.

Whatever the case, I want you to know that it’s OK if you’re going through a tough time.

This doesn’t make you any less lovable, worthy, or capable. This just means you’re human. Being a human can be a messy, hard, confusing, painful experience sometimes.

So if you or someone you love is going through one of these tough times right now, a time where it all just feels like too much, I want to offer up 101 suggestions for self-care to help you or your loved one get through this time.

Photo via iStock.

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. ("Parks and Recreation," anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch YouTube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from around the internet.

14. Ask for help. From whomever you need it — your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept seven to nine hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 minutes if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire J.K. Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, or school listings, for example.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time, and professionals can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath. Light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read previous emails, postcards, letters, etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically — running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Go free-form in a journal or on a computer. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remind yourself you only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’ll be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 examples of things you’ve overcome or accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’re a good, lovable person.

39. Write out a list of 25 things that make your life beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily or weekly, whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the Earth or floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, and Mary Oliver are all excellent.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating, maybe interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage, but maybe sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old "Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood" videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space, and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch autonomous sensory meridian response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life, and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old-fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings — all of them! — safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. ("Steel Magnolias," anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, or something else, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside, set up a chair, and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

This kangaroo dog loves walks.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu. Listen to a playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God, the universe, the Source, your higher self — whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, try and trust the process.

101. Finally, remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

This list is really just a starting point meant to catalyze your own thinking about how you can best take care of yourself during life’s tough times and to spark your curiosity and interest in strengthening your self-care now and ongoing.

It's not meant to be prescriptive nor do I mean to imply you need to do all or any of these things to take good care of yourself. You are the expert of your own experience, and I trust that you know what’s best for you.

Also, my hope is that in reading this, you’re hearing me say how normal and natural it is to struggle and to have these tough, hard times. It’s part of being human.

You’re not alone in this.

GIF via "Friends."


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An entrepreneurial Ph.D candidate sheds light on how technology helps her grow her small business

https://www.pitasplanters.com

Pita and David in front of their mobile plant shop

True

If there is a positive connection between mental health and caring for plants, Lupita Ríos is determined to make it her life’s work to share it with the world.

Ríos owns Dallas-based Pita’s Planters, a small business offering handmade planters, vases, art, bouquet preservation. Her love of vegetation can be traced back to where she spent her childhood—in the jungles of Guatemala—but it wasn’t until Ríos began struggling with panic attacks after college that she realized how healing plants can be.

During a particularly anxious period in her life, the only thing that brought her comfort was a plant she’d inherited from a co-worker. “Every day I would come into work and see some new growth or a new little leaf, and I would just feel so excited … it was like this little seed of light for me during a time when I was not feeling much joy,” said Ríos.

Pita in her plant shop https://www.pitasplanters.com

So she did what made sense: she kept growing plants, eventually learning how to create pots from recycled materials. During the pandemic, she and her husband opened a mobile plant store, which allowed her to share her passion with people in the community. What began as a meditative hobby quickly turned into a booming business, and Ríos, who is also working towards a Ph.D in Neuroscience, found herself overwhelmed with the things that come with being a small business owner (like keeping up with voice messages!).

“I learn as I go,” said Ríos, mentioning that one of the rookie decisions she made as a first-time business owner was to list her cell phone number under the business as the official contact number. “I quickly learned that was not a good idea! I got calls from customers left and right because the business grew so quickly.”

A friend suggested leveraging technology to keep Ríos’ sanity intact. She enrolled in Verizon Small Business Digital Ready, a free online program that offers small businesses nationwide access to over 50 expert courses and grant funding opportunities. The program includes resources created by small business owners for small business owners, covering topics such as marketing, financial planning, social media management, and more. For Ríos, this was the answer to juggling school and business without dropping any balls while the business continues to grow.

Taking control of her mobile plan was the first step in streamlining—and leveling up!—the business. Verizon’s My Biz Plan allowed her select and pay for only what she needed the One Talk App allowed her to reclaim her cell phone for personal use, and Verizon Business Assistant, a GenAI-powered text messaging solution , has been an enormous time-saver. Verizon Business’ 2025 State of Small Business Survey revealed 38% of SMBs are currently using AI–Lupita is one of many using it to help. Instead of spending precious time replying to every DM inquiring about the hours of her shop or troubleshooting a repotted plant’s wilting leaves, business owners like Ríos can set up, customize, and train a virtual assistant to field these questions.

“I didn't even realize I needed this in my life, but Verizon was like, we work with a lot of small businesses and we have a lot of tools that help set your business up so that I can focus on the products, on the marketing, on everything else. And I know that Verizon's got me covered in other ways where I don't have to think about it so much. It is so nice to have someone looking out for you and saying, ‘Yeah, you're busy. We got you covered here. We can take care of this."’

Verizon is committed to reaching one million small businesses with the resources they need to be successful by 2030—with over 450,000 small businesses like Pita’s Planters already using Digital Ready to help their businesses thrive.

Pita and David at their brick and mortar shophttps://www.pitasplanters.com

As for Ríos’ plans for after she receives her doctorate in Neuroscience? She wants to become a professor and continue growing her plant business.“Honestly, there’s nothing quite like having someone walk in who says they’ve never owned a plant before,” said Ríos. “Let me start your plant journey…within a few weeks, you’ll have a jungle in your house.”

Do you own a small business? Verizon offers over $1M in small business grants every year! Complete an application for the Verizon Small Business Digital Readyportal between May 1, 2025, and 11:59 pm PT on June 30, 2025, to be eligible for the application process for a $10,000 grant consideration.

Education

Simple '30-second rule' can help you win every conversation, even if you're a little awkward

You only have to remember one thing.

via Canva/Photos

A man and two women having a fun conversation.

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There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levityA group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafeA man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive peopleA man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

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Women's Health

Husband shares 'tips' for men with perimenopausal wives and it's totally spot on

"Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

Photo credit: Canva

Perimenopause is not joke, but these tips are hilarious.

In recent years, the long-neglected period of female life known as perimenopause has finally gotten the attention it deserves. Menopause most people knew about. The decade or so preceding it, when women's bodies go haywire in a hundred different ways due to hormonal fluctuations, not so much.

You know it when you experience it, though. It's super fun playing a constant game of "Am I dying or is it just perimenopause?" Random symptoms ranging from the somewhat expected hot flashes and irregular periods to the totally unexpected insomnia, irritability, and itching all over just show up out of nowhere. Ten pounds move in like squatters in your mid-section, refusing to leave even when you try to kick them out. The body you've lived in for decades suddenly feels foreign and your brain feels like it's trying to reign in a tornado of physical, mental, and emotional upheaval.

perimenopause, menopause, mid-life, women's health, humorPerimenopause comes with all kinds of random symptoms.Photo credit: Canva

All of this is super easy for our families to deal with, of course. Ha ha.

While we women bear the brunt of the perimenopause bombardment, our loved ones do get hit by the shrapnel. And there's little question that our spouses get most of the collateral damage, which is why a husband's video with advice for men with perimenopausal wives is hitting home. The creator @mitch.little.academy explains that his wife is currently in perimenopause and he wants to share some tips that he's learned with his peers.

"Tip No. 1: Snacks. Don't be messing around with the snacks in the house," he says. "These are no longer yours. Your partner is very up to date with the snack inventory, and if there's one left in the fridge, this does not belong to you, for safety reasons."

@mitch.little.academy

Some tips for the blokes


Next tip: "You have to be quieter about everything that you do. Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

"I suggest, if possible, thinking quieter is ideal," he continues. "Even sounds like blinking, which we didn't even know was a thing, is something that you should avoid doing or learn not to do."

He goes on to suggest that husbands "just say 'sorry'" upon waking, even if you don't know what you're sorry for, definitely don't tell her that your core temperature is "comfortable and ideal" when she tells you she's hot, and other such life-saving advice.

insomnia, irritability, perimenopause, women's health. spouseInsomnia and irritability aren't the best perimenopausal combo.Photo credit: Canva

The video is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but he does add a touch of seriousness, acknowledging that perimenopause genuinely is a lot to be going through.

"Did you [know] that suicide and divorce rates are at the highest for females between the age of 35 and 50?" he wrote on Facebook. "Perimenopause is an extremely tough time for a female. I'm no expert, but I'm learning. All I'll say is 'I hear you.' Maybe more conversations can help spread awareness."

Awareness is great, but so is humor, honestly. We have to be able to laugh at this wild stage of life, otherwise we'll cry. Perimenopausal women in the comments appear to agree, appreciating these "tips" for their hubbies:

"OMFG I can’t stop laughing, I’m 12 yrs (of hell) with this crap! Sending your partner hugs and please keep the awareness going, along with the humour!"

"Spot on!! Our marriage nearly ends nightly due to the opening and rustling of packets of food."

"Haha! Peeling paint with the snoring gets me. I'm laying there wide awake at 2 am thinking well I guess I'll get up and do some yoga or put a pillow on his face. Yoga is a better option, it's saved a life a few nights!"

menopause, perimenopause, women's health, women, spouseMenopause is on its way.Giphy GIF by Better Things

"For me it was loud chewing during dinner and the strapping of utensils on the dinner plate. The kids didn’t bother me but my husband…well poor man."

"You didn’t talk about the ear itching! Why didn’t You talk ABOUT THE EAR ITCHING! Now I need to yell at my husband because you missed the ear itching."

"Thank you! It is so recognizable. My husband is still the culprit I am extremely irritated by his behavior, which I never really bothered about before. I am already through pre-memopause and probably at the end, but I am still a volcano that erupts in the morning and at times I feel terribly unhappy. I am bothered by people in general and want them all to disappear.It is a bit less now that I am 60, but I can well imagine that women think about suicide and divorce during that period. I am glad that there is more openness and that it is taken seriously. Thanks again! Love your humor!"

"My husband will ask me do you love me or hate me today and I say no I hate you today but you’ve not done anything wrong it’s not you and he will say ok I’ll go out the back to play with the pigeons. You just have to be understanding about it. Good communication."

In all seriousness, perimenopause sucks. It's good for us all to have a sense of humor about it to ease the angst and pain.

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People applaud brother for 'blowing up at sister' over the name she chose for her baby

"I told her that the name was completely unacceptable, and I was shocked that she chose it."

via Canva/Photos

A brother and sister in a disagreement.

The name your parents choose for you can significantly impact your life. Whether it’s how you’re treated in school and by peers, your professional prospects, or how well you do in the dating arena. A name is nothing to joke about. That’s why an uncle-to-be is mad at his sister. He thinks she isn’t taking naming her unborn daughter seriously and fears it will have dire consequences for the girl in the future.

What started as a funny joke between the brother (a biology student) and his sister (a nurse) has become a bone of contention between the siblings. It all started when the brother sent his sister a humorous list of potential names for his niece based on medical terms.

“I knew she was struggling, so in addition to the $900 wooden crib on her list that I got for her, I gave her a list of (obviously) joke baby names. We have a really close relationship, and it was in line with both our senses of humor,” the brother wrote on Reddit's AITA forum.

“She's a nurse, and I'm a biology student, so all the names were medications, infections, unpleasant animals, etc., that all sound like lovely girls' names out of context,” he continued. “Some of them were a little bit obscure, sure, but I included some obvious ones like ‘Viagra’ and ‘Hernia’ for good measure.

baby, newborn, baby name, baby crib, sleeping baby, birth, A newborn baby sleeping.via Canva/Photos

The problem was that the sister liked one of the names and plans on giving it to her daughter. “Malassezia. The baby's name is Malassezia. One of the names on my joke list. Outside of the immediate issues (nearly impossible to pronounce on the first try, the ‘ass’ smack dab it the middle of it, the first syllable being mal-, literally meaning bad or evil), it's also the name of a very common fungal infection,” he wrote. “One that my sister and I are both genetically predisposed to. One that we've both had multiple times throughout our lives. Her daughter will almost certainly catch it at some time!” The brother told his sister that the name is “completely unacceptable.”

What is Malassezia?

According to the Cleveland Clinic, Malassezia occurs when “yeast that occurs as part of your skin’s natural flora multiplies and infects the hair follicles,” the website reads. “The condition causes itchy pimples to form on your face, scalp and upper body. Healthcare providers treat this fungal infection with topical and systemic antifungal medications.”

The mother completely understands the downside of the name but insists that “it's so obscure that no one will ever think twice about it.” The mother-to-be simply likes the sound of the name. Unsure of what to do, the brother posted the story on Reddit to see if he was in the wrong.

birth certificate, baby name, baby footprint, baby hospital, doctorA doctor taking the baby's footprint.via Canva/Photos

The vast majority of the commenters thought he was totally right to demand the baby’s name be changed.

"I share your frustration, and you're looking out for your niece. While your sis is right that it's her parental right, you're not stepping out of line -- you're family and you're cautioning her,” one commenter wrote. "Tell [the father] so he can veto it,” another commenter added. “Also, how is your sister not thinking about the embarrassment that is going to come with this name? The doctors at every baby appointment will know. I wouldn't be surprised if doctors and nurses giggle when they see her chart. And when she's in school, kids will likely find out what her name means and bully her. Tell your sister to think about her daughter's future. She's thinking too much about her feelings and not thinking about her daughter who would have to live with that name."

One commenter broke the name into chunks and found it has multiple meanings. “Mal = bad + ass = bad ass. So we have the nickname. Now Ezia - Hebrew for elegance? e-Zia as in electronic aunt (Italian?) or electric cottage/home/campervan (Pueblo?),” they wrote.

The only people who thought the brother was wrong were those who believed his sister was pulling a fast one on him. “You gave a joke name list and seem unable to tell she's joking back,” they wrote.

Ultimately, just about everyone agrees that the brother was right to speak up. Names matter, and kids have to live with them their entire lives. Hopefully, his sister takes the hint before her daughter has a name better suited to a microscope slide than a birth certificate.

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Joy

Small talk coach shares 'low-effort' hack for awkward people to avoid uncomfortable silences

It's easy to remember, super effective, and based in psychology.

via Canva/Photos

A woman and a man having a nice conversation.

There are few things more uncomfortable than an awkward silence in a conversation. Both people stop talking, and it feels like a hole has been ripped through space and time large enough for a diesel truck to drive through. You need to think of something to say, and fast, or your conversation partner is going to think that you are awkward, mindless, or worse, socially inept.

The good news is that Genny Diehl, a dating coach who professes to be an “expert” on small talk, has a solution to the dreaded uncomfortable silence, and it's based in psychology. “You might have heard of it called ‘reflective listening’ or in therapy training, it's one of the levels of validation. You essentially repeat back to someone what they just said,” Diehl said.

(FYI, Diehl claims to have helped people go on over 1500 dates and has started over 250 relationships.)

@datingcoachdiehl

youll also notice people doing this to you if you pay close attention and tbh its nice #fyp #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #datingcoach #hinge #bumble #datingapps #onlinedating

How to stop uncomfortable silences in conversations

Diehl says that there are two ways to practice reflective listening to end uncomfortable silences in conversations. She suggests that you alternate between the two techniques so as not to seem “annoying” to your conversation partner. “The first is literally word for word. Repeating the last three words that someone said,” she says.

For example, if someone is telling you a story about getting a sunburn and they stop, and there’s a moment of silence, you repeat the last three words, encouraging them to elaborate. “That way you kind of can take a backseat and just occasionally chirp in to let them know you're still listening,” she says.

Them: Wow. The sun wasn’t shining, but I got a sunburn.

You: You got a sunburn?

Them: Oh yes, I was taking a hike in Runyon Canyon…

party, party conversation, band, music, dancing, couples, chattingSome folks gabbing during a party.via Canva/Photos

The second way to use reflective listening to eliminate any uncomfortable silences is to summarize the long story they have just told. “So let's say someone's yapping in for a long period of time, make a mental note summarizing the story that they're telling and repeat it back to them to honestly, genuinely make sure that you're understanding them correctly and give them space to clarify or correct,” she says.

How do I become more likable?

Learning how to be good at reflective listening can prevent unwanted, awkward silences and make you extremely likable. There’s nothing people love more than when someone actively listens to them. In fact, Harvard scholars found that there is a conversational equation that is proven to make people more likable. If you start off a conversation with a question and then ask two follow-ups without making the conversation about yourself, it will dramatically increase your likability.

woman talking, couple on date, woman smiling, conversation, uncomfortable silenceA woman and a man having a nice conversation. via Canva/Photos

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

When most people think about being a great conversationalist, they think it’s all about having the gift of gab or the most entertaining stories. In reality, it’s about making the other person feel comfortable and heard. Therefore, we can become much better conversationalists by working on our listening habits. “The quality of your relationships will definitely go up if you do these things,” Diehl concludes her video, “and you will become one of the favorite people in your social circle.”

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Communication expert shares 2 'subtle yet powerful' things to help us stop saying 'sorry'

So many of us are guilty of this.

Photo credit: Canva

Time to break the habit once and for all.

Nearly all of us have added a quick “sorry” to the beginning of a written or spoken sentence, be it to soften a statement or to maintain an air of politeness. But when starting off with an apology becomes a default way of communicating, it can indicate low self esteem, people pleasing tendencies, or insincerity. Needless to say, none of these things make for successfully getting your message across.

For many people (especially women) over-apologizing stems from being taught that niceness equals likeability. But while genuine apologies of course have their place, habitual, involuntary use of the word “sorry”—especially when a person isn’t at fault for anything—ends up being a form of self sabotage…often in spaces where you need confidence the most.

As keynote speaker, andCNBC Make It contributor Lorraine K. Lee explains, “sorry” is a common form of minimizing language, a topic she regularly talks about. Similar to “um” and “just,” “sorry” undermines what you’re actually trying to say.

communication, communication expert, social anxiety, social skills, social tips, communication tips, better communication, cnbc make itA woman trapped in a boxPhoto credit: Canva

Luckily, Lee has a pretty simple process for breaking the habit.

How to stop saying “I’m sorry”

First and foremost, Lee suggests tracking just how often you might say or write “sorry.”

“The volume may surprise you,” she warns.

According to Sage Therapy, it might be helpful to note what circumstance you were dealing with at the time. Was it at home or at work? Were you dealing with strangers? Did nerves come into play? All of these factors might help identify what sorts of situations, people, or general moods might trigger the behavior.

communication, communication expert, social anxiety, social skills, social tips, communication tips, better communication, cnbc make itA nervous man at a work meetingPhoto credit: Canva

From there, Lee says these two “subtle yet powerful changes” can instantly make your communication stronger, even if you don’t eliminate “sorry” from your vocabulary entirely:

1. Swap apologies for appreciation

For example, instead of saying “sorry I’m late,” Lee suggests using “thanks for waiting.”

2. Cutting right to the chase

Barring when you legitimately need to own up to a mistake, Lee advises doing your best to “trim” the use of it from conversations. For example, saying, “I’d like to add a quick thought” instead of, “Sorry, can I jump in?”

This can go for delivering feedback as well. For example, instead of: “Sorry if this is off base…” Lee says you can use “one thing to consider is…” Alternatively, you could also find additional swap words. For instance, instead of “I’m sorry but I think we should x,y,z,” try “Hear me out, I think we should x,y,z.”

communication, communication expert, social anxiety, social skills, social tips, communication tips, better communication, cnbc make itA person being assertive at a work meeting.Photo credit: Canva

As with changing any habit, it takes practice, and, as Lee noted, “small but intentional steps.” It’s not about getting anything perfect, but rather about eliminating whatever self-made barriers that might be keeping you from expressing your most confident self. This of course is helpful in everyday life, but it’s especially crucial around clients, coworkers, and bosses.

At the very least, it helps us remember that, as Lee put it, “You deserve to take up space just as much as the next person.” and that’s a pretty good mantra to live by. Sorry not sorry.

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