upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Family

101 ways to take care of yourself when the world feels overwhelming.

A therapist shares small ways to practice self-care.

I think that, for most of us, there are times in life when it all just feels like Too Much.

There may be some days, weeks, months, maybe even years when — for whatever reason — just getting through the day or going to work or putting one foot in front of the other feels hard. Really, really hard.

Photo via iStock.

Maybe it’s because you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental illness.

Maybe it’s because you’ve had your heart broken. Maybe you’ve gone through a physical or emotional trauma. Maybe you’re deeply grieving. Or maybe there’s no easily understood reason for why you’re feeling bad.

Whatever the case, I want you to know that it’s OK if you’re going through a tough time.

This doesn’t make you any less lovable, worthy, or capable. This just means you’re human. Being a human can be a messy, hard, confusing, painful experience sometimes.

So if you or someone you love is going through one of these tough times right now, a time where it all just feels like too much, I want to offer up 101 suggestions for self-care to help you or your loved one get through this time.

Photo via iStock.

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. ("Parks and Recreation," anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch YouTube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from around the internet.

14. Ask for help. From whomever you need it — your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept seven to nine hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 minutes if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire J.K. Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, or school listings, for example.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time, and professionals can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath. Light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read previous emails, postcards, letters, etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically — running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Go free-form in a journal or on a computer. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remind yourself you only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’ll be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 examples of things you’ve overcome or accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’re a good, lovable person.

39. Write out a list of 25 things that make your life beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily or weekly, whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the Earth or floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, and Mary Oliver are all excellent.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating, maybe interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage, but maybe sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old "Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood" videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space, and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch autonomous sensory meridian response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life, and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old-fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings — all of them! — safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. ("Steel Magnolias," anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, or something else, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside, set up a chair, and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

This kangaroo dog loves walks.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu. Listen to a playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God, the universe, the Source, your higher self — whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, try and trust the process.

101. Finally, remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

This list is really just a starting point meant to catalyze your own thinking about how you can best take care of yourself during life’s tough times and to spark your curiosity and interest in strengthening your self-care now and ongoing.

It's not meant to be prescriptive nor do I mean to imply you need to do all or any of these things to take good care of yourself. You are the expert of your own experience, and I trust that you know what’s best for you.

Also, my hope is that in reading this, you’re hearing me say how normal and natural it is to struggle and to have these tough, hard times. It’s part of being human.

You’re not alone in this.

GIF via "Friends."


From Your Site Articles
Family
Innovation

Ontario teen says he'll live in 'modular home' invention for a year to prove it can end homelessness

He's already invented a wooden car.

ideas, homelessness, prodigy, social work, solutions
Photo credit: @ribalzebian on Instagram

Ribal Zebian is going to test a house he designed by living in it for a year.

Ribal Zebian, a student from the city of London in Ontario, Canada, already made headlines last year when he built an electric car out of wood and earned a $120,000 scholarship from it. Now, he's in the news again for something a little different. Concerned with homelessness in his hometown, Zebian got to work creating a different kind of affordable housing made from fiberglass material. In fact, he’s so confident in his idea that the 18-year-old plans on living in it for a year to test it out himself.

Currently an engineering student at Western University, Zebian was concerned by both the rising population of the unhoused in his community and the rising cost of housing overall. With that in mind, he conjured up a blueprint for a modular home that would help address both problems.

Zebian’s version of a modular home would be made of fiberglass panels and thermoplastic polyethylene terephthalate (PET) foam. He chose those materials because he believes they can make a sturdy dwelling in a short amount of time—specifically in just a single day.

“With fiberglass you can make extravagant molds, and you can replicate those,” Zebian told CTV News. “It can be duplicated. And for our roofing system, we’re not using the traditional truss method. We’re using actually an insulated core PET foam that supports the structure and structural integrity of the roof.”

Zebian also believes these homes don’t have to be purely utilitarian—they can also offer attractive design and customizable features to make them personal and appealing.

“Essentially, what I’m trying to do is bring a home to the public that could be built in one day, is affordable, and still carries some architecturally striking features,” he said to the London Free Press. “We don’t want to be bringing a house to Canadians that is just boxy and that not much thought was put into it.”

Beginning in May 2026, Zebian is putting his modular home prototype to the test by living inside of a unit for a full year with the hope of working out any and all kinks before approaching manufacturers.

“We want to see if we can make it through all four seasons- summer, winter, spring, and fall,” said Zebian. “But that’s not the only thing. When you live in something that long and use it, you can notice every single mistake and error, and you can optimize for the best experience.”

While Zebian knows that his modular homes aren't a long-term solution to either the homeless or housing crisis, he believes they could provide an inexpensive option to help people get the shelter they need until certain policies are reformed so the unhoused can find affordable permanent dwellings.

@hard.knock.gospel

What to buy for the homeless at the grocery store. 🛒 Most people get it wrong. After being there myself, these are the survival items that actually matter 💯 The 2nd to last one is about more than survival—it’s about DIGNITY. We are all one circumstance away from the same shoes 🙏 SAVE this for your next grocery run. 📌 IG@hardknockgospel Substack@ Outsiders_Anonymous #homelessness #helpingothers #kindness #payitforward #learnontiktok

Zebian’s proposal and experiment definitely inspires others to try to help, too. If you wish to lend a hand to the unhoused community in your area in the United States, but don’t know where to look, you can find a homeless shelter or charity near you through here. Whether it’s through volunteering or through a donation, you can help make a difference.

From Your Site Articles
homelessness
InnovationScience
Learning

Doctor reveals the 1-minute daily hack that can radically improve public speaking skills

It all starts with putting a pen in your mouth.

pen drill, life hack, speech tips, enunciation, pronunciation
Photo credit: Canva

Want to speak better? Put a pen in your mouth.

Ever been told that you mumble? Or that your way of speaking is quiet or lacking confidence? It could be affecting you in a range of situations, from asking someone out to giving a presentation at work or interviewing for a job. Well, a behavior researcher has a solution for you: put a pen in your mouth.

Behavior expert and speaker Dr. Shadé Zahrai shared a technique in a social media video that could help people who mumble, rush through speeches, or generally struggle to enunciate when speaking aloud. She recommends taking a clean pen and placing it horizontally in your mouth, like a horse biting a bridle. Then take out a book and read it aloud to yourself for one minute, even overpronouncing some words if you need to. After a minute has passed, take the pen out of your mouth and continue reading the rest of the page. Doing this "Pen Drill" once a day should help you speak more clearly and effectively overall.

@shadezahrai

I promise you - so this for 60 seconds and you’ll enunciate better.

This may sound silly, but there's solid reasoning behind it. Because you're trying to hear yourself clearly while speaking with a pen in your mouth, you naturally slow down as your mouth opens wider than usual. This makes your speech and enunciation clearer by forcing you to slow down and articulate each word. A side benefit is that speaking slowly and enunciating clearly makes you appear more calm, confident, and authoritative.

@joseczuniga

Try this pen trick to enunciate better and get a deeper more confident voice #josezuniga

There are additional benefits beyond clearer speech. Content creator Jose Zuniga claims the technique can help men deepen their voices. Zuniga says that when men speak from their chest rather than their throat during the "Pen Drill," the wider mouth opening allows them to speak at a lower pitch than usual. Singers and vocal coaches also recommend putting a pen in your mouth in order to reduce vocal strain.

@sophiesaidcoaching

A tip guarenteed to help with vocal strain!! Just grab a pen or a chopstick #vocalcoach #singing #singer

Speaking clearly is incredibly beneficial, not only because it helps you be understood and get what you want, but also because it makes you appear more eloquent and intelligent. Speaking in a clear, calm way makes you sound confident, which helps people believe your words and arguments more than if they were delivered meekly, filled with "ums" and "uhs." Combined with strong body language, it can mean the difference between being believable and being believed.

"Clear speech signals calm authority, and calm authority is magnetic," explains Zahrai in her video. "You don't sound rushed, you don't sound unsure, you sound like someone who expects to be listened to."

@gentlemens_collective

To be become a better speaker FAST… slow down.

If you want to improve your speech, whether to reduce mumbling, slow a rushed, worried pace, or sound more confident, put a pen in your mouth and swallow your pride (but not the pen!). With time and practice, it could change your speech patterns into ones people clearly understand and feel compelled to listen to.

From Your Site Articles
life hack
LearningEducation
Modern Families

Mom realizes she's been using the 'heavy' setting on her washer wrong for years—and fellow moms are shook

"Today years old when I realize why my blankets are sopping wet."

washer, washing machine setting, how to use washing machine, laundry, laundry tips
Image courtesy of @granolabarpan/Instagram (with permission)

Stay-at-home mom Catrina shares shock at learning what the 'heavy' setting on her washer means.

Knocking out loads of laundry is a feeling of accomplishment that is unmatched. Depending on what needs to be washed, washing machines offer a variety of settings for the ideal clean. But even the most seasoned laundry pros can admit that they don't fully understand how to use them properly.

One stay-at-home mom shared her funny and relatable washing machine mistake. Catrina (@granolabarpan) got the shock of a lifetime when she realized that she had been using the "heavy" setting on her washer wrong for years.

"POV: today years old when it clicks why my blankets are sopping wet!!! I thought HEAVY meant heavy items being washed," she wrote in the video's overlay.

"Heavy on my machine means heavily soiled," she went on to add in the comments. "I thought it meant the stuff I was putting in the machine was heavy in weight/pounds."

Some moms are also realizing this for the first time. "Ok.. so I am 66 years old learning this???!! I always thought that heavy meant weight also😂," one person commented. Another person wrote, "Well I was today years old when I learned what heavy meant too…😂"

Others expressed confusion with so many settings, and reminiscing on simpler times. "Wait a minute. 😂. I think I need to for once go and read the manual because I have been wondering about all of the options," another user wrote. And another chimed in, "I want my old $250 3 options hot/warm/cold on/off washer back. It didn’t die it rusted out but took 25yrs to do it. I had 5 kids, plus my ex in-laws living with me."

Washing machine settings, explained

Struggling to understand the settings on your washing machine? You're not alone.

"Knowing these settings helps avoid common laundry mistakes, such as using the heavy cycle for heavy fabric weight instead of heavy soil, which can lead to ineffective cleaning or damage over time," Vanessa Ruiz, a professional organizer at Sparkly Maid San Antonio, tells Upworthy.

These are five washing machine settings and how they work:

1. Normal/Regular Cycle
Ruiz explains that this is your typical setting for day-to-day loads such as t-shirts, jeans, sheets, and underwear.

"These laundry loads are typically washed in warm water and the setting is rinsed with medium spin speeds through agitation in order to properly clean moderately soiled garments," she says. "This cycle is safe enough to wash a variety of different fabric content with a somewhat dirty load."

2. Delicate/Gentle Cycle
Ruiz notes that the delicate cycle is created specifically for delicate fabrics—lingerie, silk, lace, or embellished clothing—that may become damaged in a normal or regular wash.

"This cycle will use moderate spin speeds through gentle agitation to thoroughly dry clean and not damage clothes too easily," says Ruiz. "This is the preferred cycle when laundry items that require extra care or are labeled 'delicate' or 'hand wash' need to be washed."

3. Heavy Duty Cycle
The heavy duty cycle is specifically for heavily soiled items like work clothes, kitchen towels, and bedding.

"This setting uses higher water temperatures, longer wash times, and powerful agitation to remove stubborn dirt and grime. It’s perfect for those tough laundry jobs, but not recommended for delicate fabrics," explains Ruiz.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

4. Bulky/Bedding Cycle
This cycle is often confused with "heavy."

"This cycle accommodates larger, heavier items that absorb a lot of water, such as comforters, pillows, and sleeping bags," says Ruiz. "It uses more water, medium spin speeds, and longer wash times to thoroughly clean bulky items without causing damage or imbalance."

5. Quick Wash
In a rush? This is the perfect setting to use.

"It is an accelerated wash cycle designed for small loads of lightly soiled clothes, usually lasting 15 to 40 minutes," says Ruiz. "It’s great for when you need clean clothes fast and can save energy compared to longer cycles."

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
washing machine
Modern FamiliesFamily
Community

People share the 18 best cleaning and organizing tips they've learned from housekeepers

"Baseboards wiped with a dryer sheet 🙏🏻."

housekeeper, housekeepers, housekeeping, housekeeping tips, housekeeping advice
Photo credit: Canva

People share tips from housekeepers that they do to keep their homes organized and clean.

Keeping a clean house is not easy. Approximately 21% of Americans report that they find cleaning tasks overwhelming according to a survey from the American Cleaning Institute, and approximately 10% of Americans enlist extra help to keep their homes spotless from housekeepers, notes the Home Cleaning Centers of America.

In an online discussion about cleaning tips on Reddit, people shared the most impactful housekeeping advice they've gleaned from housekeepers that have helped them keep their homes not just clean, but free from clutter.

"When I think of a clean home, it’s not just a wiped down surface; it’s tidy, organized, decluttered and presentable," one person wrote. "These tips contribute to the feel of a tidy, intentional and presentable home."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

These are 18 helpful housekeeping tips that will help you keep your home orderly and sparkling clean.

"I wrap my phone charger through my bed frame so it’s always easy to grab. It used to just hang on the ground. It was life changing when I first got into bed and saw my housekeeper did this for me." - Bubbly_Picture_9876

"I open ALL blinds and curtains. I used to clean but keep it pretty dim, but opening ALL blinds makes a huge difference! Feels so much cleaner immediately." - Bubbly_Picture_9876

"[Having a handheld vacuum]. LIFE CHANGING!!! Taking out the vacuum was a pain so I did it when crumbs would accumulate. Having a small one in the kitchen drawer makes it so easy, so I don’t mind quickly vacuuming crumbs and dirt whenever I see them." - Bubbly_Picture_9876

"Wipe down the bathroom surfaces with toilet paper before cleaning to get the dust up. Then clean. So much quicker. Even better - cut a small piece of a disposable duster off and use it to dust the toilet first. It works SO well and gets in the weird nooks and crannies of the exterior toilet where dust and whatnot accumulates." - Advanced-Public4935, dodie437

"I worked as a housekeeper for a while and picked up the habit of vacuuming the bathroom before cleaning anything. It picks up dust, hair, and any other miscellaneous things you might not want to grab with bare hands." - iufgv

"Baseboards wiped with a dryer sheet 🙏🏻." - dphiloo

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"LIGHT SWITCHES! It’s the first thing I notice in homes and I would say in general one of the big 'blind spots' for people. And refrigerator and oven handles, wipe daily with a damp micro fiber and you’ll notice such a nicer feeling grabbing them." - ccoopp10

"Scrub the door that goes from the house to garage. It is usually filthy, and we rarely think of it cuz guests don’t usually use it." - ExpressionKey2820

"I have a step to climb to get into my bed. My ladies put my slippers there. It made me feel cared for, like when I was a child." - Lily_V_

"I clean off the counters / wipe them down, then sweep, BEFORE doing the dishes. I always get water on the floor while doing dishes and then either mess up my broom / sweeping bc it’s wet or have to get on my hands and knees to clean up the water and waste paper towels or a dirty up a towel. So my order goes: counters, sweep, dishes, mop." - Sanch0panza

"Dishwashing soap to clean my glass shower stall." - wildblueberry9

"Dusting & disinfecting the underside of the toilet. So between the seat and the floor. So many people miss this area and it's like night and day. Most don't notice dust there because you'd have to get up close to see it, or deliberately look at the underside of the toilet, but once it is dusted you can tell right away from a distance. The whole bathroom feels so clean." - DaisyFart

"Invest in a steam cleaner. It cleans everything." - iNerdRage

steam cleaner, steam cleaning, steam cleaners, steam cleaning rug, using steam cleaner Woman uses a steam cleaner on a rug.Photo credit: Canva

"I found some cable clips that I love for my cell phone, iPad, and watch charging cables. They’re attached to the side of my nightstand. Go to Amazon and search for 'cable clips.' Then I can find the charging cable I need within reach." - blueSnowfkake

"When my fridge starts running low on food and I’m purging I do a quick inside wipe down / sink wash of a couple of fridge shelves and also wipe down the inside and around the fridge." - No-Rush8716

"I also got some rubber gap covers that cover the slit in between the stove and counter. It’s been a game changer because it keeps that spot clear. It use to drive me crazy to clean and stuff would stuck in there all the time." - No-Rush8716

"My last cleaning crew used a mop that had clips. They could attach microfiber or other cloths to use depending. I couldn't find exactly the model they used but found one on Amazon called Mr. Siga. I buy 50 packs of terry shop cloths at Costco and similar packs of microfiber cloths. They all fit on the head of this mop. For me, these are so much better than Swiffers. I use a spray bottle with all purpose cleaner dilution when I'm doing the floors. It also works much better than a broom when dry." - gripping_intrigue

"I keep a dish scrubber brush in the shower, and in the soap reservoir of it I use 1/2 cleaning vinegar and 2/3 dish soap. Once a week while I'm in the shower I can scrub the shower down while I'm in it and it makes it so much easier. Got it from a housekeeper on Tiktok." - tatertots8sunburns

From Your Site Articles
housekeeping
CommunityJoy
Education

The one sign that someone is highly intelligent, according to author Oscar Wilde

Of course, he said it with his signature wit.

oscar wilde, smart woman, famous authors, books, oscar wilde photo, library
via Canva/Photos and Alfred Ellis & Walery/Wikimedia Commons

A woman carrying books and writer Oscar Wilde.

People are quick to point out when someone has changed their mind on a topic, whether it’s in the political world, where switching sides on an issue makes you a flip-flopper, or in our personal lives. When a friend suddenly changes their mind on an important issue, we become skeptical of their motives or whether they even have any genuine beliefs in the first place.

Are we a little too harsh on people who change their views? Don’t intelligent people change their minds when presented with new information, while those who are more interested in protecting their ego cling to incorrect ideas even more strongly?

Oscar Wilde on intelligence

Legendary author, humorist, and raconteur, Oscar Wilde, sang the praises of those who can freely change their mind in an 1885 piece on painter James McNeill Whistler in The Pall Mall Gazette of London. “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative,” he famously wrote.

Dr. Emma Jones, a physician and burnout coach, elaborated on Wilde’s quote in a recent viral Instagram post. She agrees that the ability to change your mind is a hallmark of brilliance.

“Here's how you know someone is highly intelligent: It's not their degrees. It's this. It's what led Oscar Wilde to say that ‘consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.’ What he meant by that was that highly intelligent people know how to change their minds,” Jones says. Jones goes on to say that intellectually gifted people use phrases such as “I used to think,” or “That's a good point, let me reconsider.”


Jones adds that mental flexibility is a sign of strong character. “Most people double down to protect their ego. But intelligent people update their beliefs. They get more curious instead of more defensive,” Jones continues. “They don't tie their identity to being right. And they treat being wrong like data, not humiliation.”

Oscar Wilde had no problem with people who changed their mind

Wilde firmly believed that people should be mentally flexible and had zero issue with those who were wildly inconsistent in their views, as long as they were charming. “The well-bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves,” he wrote in 1894’s Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young.

He’s got a point. Who's to say that we all have to carry around rigid worldviews and must be consistent 100% of the time?

Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist and author of Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Great Things and Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know, also believes that being able to change your mind is a hallmark of intelligence.

“A sign of intellect is the ability to change your mind in the face of new facts. A mark of wisdom is refusing to let the fear of admitting you were wrong stop you from getting it right. The joy of learning something new eventually exceeds the pain of unlearning something old,” Grant wrote on Twitter.

Ultimately, maybe inconsistency isn’t a personal flaw but a way of adapting to a world constantly in flux. Those who lack imagination cling to their strongly-held views, while the wise continue to change. Great thinkers and psychologists agree that changing your mind shouldn’t be seen as a weakness but as a sign of a strong mind and character.

From Your Site Articles
intelligence
EducationLearning
Trending Stories