Cameron Esposito: And I know some of you are already taking in my look, so I will answer a couple questions you might have in your minds. Yeah, just to start right up top, as you can tell by my haircut, I am a thunder cat.
And also a giant lesbian. Of course I am, of course I am, of course I am. I have a side mullet. I look like most of Portland's men. When I was walking onstage not too long ago, and before I even hit the mic, before I even hit the mic, this dude sitting in the front row, he just yells out at me, "You look like a woman that doesn't sleep with men."
He yelled that at me like as if I don't know. He yelled that at me as if I was going to be like, "What do you mean? Is it the vest?"
He yelled that at me like he thought I grew up on a gay island with a gay volleyball and I'd never seen a straight person. He yelled that at me like it was going to be a surprise and an insult. Now here's the thing: I look like a woman that doesn't sleep with me because I am a lesbian, and that's one of the biggest parts, not sleeping with men.
That's one of the biggest parts of being a lesbian. And if you're a lesbian, you're not bummed about it. I cannot tell you this strongly enough. Like, this look, this is on purpose to attract women. So if you're a guy out there and you're like, "I'm not sure if I'm into that," to you I say, "Sir, there is no chance that you are less into me than I am into you." There is no chance.There may be small errors in this transcript.