The Jiggle Test Should Only Be Allowed If NFL Players Have To Pass As Well

Earlier this year, cheerleaders from some half-dozen NFL football teams filed a class-action lawsuit for, among other things, being paid less than the minimum wage and being fined for gaining a few pounds. And don't get me going on the jiggle test...

Update: According to Slate's Amanda Hess, after being told she'd broken the "sisterhood" and that her legal battle would backfire, Oakland Raiders cheerleader Lacy T. was informed in early July that — get ready for it — Raiderettes will be paid THE MINIMUM WAGE. Um, rah. I guess.

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And now, Last Week Tonight's "Workplace of the Week." This week, the National Football League. The NFL has long been renowned for its concern with the welfare of all its employees. But this week, one group of contractors had some constructive criticism.

New allegations this morning of mistreatment by a group of Buffalo Bills cheerleaders.

The Oakland Raiders and Cincinnati Bengals are also dealing with wage disputes.

Some of whom claimed they were paid less than $5 an hour.

Apparently, $5 an hour is just a market rate for sideline entertainers, with one exception.

The mascot that is the person who dresses up in a uniform of an animal usually gets paid about $25,000 a year.

Plus, unlike cheerleaders, mascots get benefits. Enjoy your doctors' visits, hermaphroditic dolphin humanoid. But while the NFL may not pay cheerleaders much in money, the advice in their handbook is free and there's plenty of it, from how much to talk to how much to eat, to which feminine hygiene products to use. Oh, and, of course, this...

They had to submit to a "Jiggle test" so their boss could critique their bodies.

A Jiggle test, because a sight of quivering excess fat has no place in the NFL.

In return for all these workplace dignities, the NFL asked cheerleaders to do a job where they are barely heard, barely seen, and have had the only responsibility in their job title that of leading cheers, usually usurped by Jumbotrons. Their only remaining responsibility: serving as human speed bumps for gargantuan tight ends, and that is why the NFL is this week's "Workplace of the Week."

There may be small errors in this transcript.
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