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Mister Rogers gently shares 'the biggest mistake' parents can make in poignant resurfaced clip

"That's why when you're a parent, you have a new chance to grow."

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Fred Rogers in 1988.

Fred Rogers, as many know, had a sort of magic about him. The way in which he soothed both children and their parents through his empathy, patience, and kindness was unique and rare. For him, imagination knew no bounds, and it was important to let kids truly explore the wondrous snippet of time that you get to be a kid.

In a clip making the rounds on social media, Rogers is being interviewed on Oprah Winfrey's show in 1985. Winfrey asks him, "What do you think the biggest mistake parents make in raising their children?" Rogers breathes in and answers, "Not to remember their own childhood."

He continues, "I think the best thing we can do is to remember what it was like for us and know what our children are going through."

Winfrey reminds him, "But you know it's so hard once you get to be a parent, you always say 'I will never do this' when your mother is doing it to you or your father is doing it to you. And then you get to our age and you forget what it was like to be this size. You really do forget."

Rogers patiently responds, "But those children can help reinvoke what it was like. And that's why when you're a parent, you have a new chance to grow."

This really resonates in the comment sections of the many places this clip is posted. On Positive Life Secrets' Instagram post, one person writes, "I love this man so much. He was a gift to children everywhere."

Mr. Rogers, Fred Rogers, PBS, parenting, kids Mister Rogers exits the room. Giphy GIF by MOODMAN

Another truly takes what he says to heart: "Breaking the cycle of verbal abuse, manipulation, and arguing! I don’t want my kids to go through what I went through. So, I just have to remember what it felt like."

This Instagrammer adds some input: "A lot of parents miss the mark when they think respect doesn’t go both ways. When they shame their child versus building confidence and having understanding and helping them navigate properly. Truth is a lot of people are not right as adults and they are raising people."

This running theme of not forgetting one's childhood is something Rogers discussed often. In a YouTube clip from the early 80s, Rogers sits down with children and their parents and digs deep into where there might be a disconnect. The kids describe their moms and dads, while the parents (at times frustrated) share their vulnerable difficulties setting limits, getting angry, or truly seeing their child's point of view.

- Mr Rogers sits down with families and listens. www.youtube.com

Rogers, as he so often did, listens patiently to the entire family dynamic and reiterates the importance of empathy. He says to the parents, "Often we wonder if we're alone. And I think it's programs like this that help people realize that they're not alone. That there are a lot of people in the world who are struggling with such things as, 'What do I do when my kid just will not listen to something that I know is right for them?'"

A commenter shares, "I really needed this. As a 90’s baby now raising her own kids, it was nice to know Mr. Rogers is still able to teach me. I need to get back to this type of lifestyle and living. Thank you for posting this. It really helped me in a time of need."

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Parenting

Dad says this 20-minute bonding technique with daughter has made 'a huge difference' in their relationship

"Consciously doing this and being purposeful has been a game changer."

Image via Canva/Vasyl Domatov

Dad shares bonding technique that brought him closer to his daughter.

Building a strong parental bond between father and daughter is all about spending intentional time together. And for dads who work or have limited time during the days to spend with their daughters, the good news is that a strong relationship can be achieved in less than half an hour.

An enthusiastic dad shared about how a 20-minute bonding technique "made a huge difference" with his daughter on the Reddit thread, r/daddit. "I never really felt bonding and I even felt my child was a bit scared of me or just had a preferred parent. (Still does)," he explained. "But consciously doing this and being purposeful has been a game changer there's last 2 months when she turned 3."

The bonding technique comes from psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen, MD. Called "Special Time," the dad describes it as 20-30 minutes of engagement with a simple purpose: "To foster a stronger connection with children by providing undivided attention and positive interaction."

"This is probably one of the most effective parenting strategies I've given parents, is spend 20 minutes a day with your child. Do something with them they wanna do," Dr. Amen explained in a video on "Special Time." "And during that time, no commands, no questions, no directions. It's just time."

Dr. Amen also adds that the benefits are endless. They include: increased closeness, improved communication, and a more positive relationship with the child.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Fellow dads weighed in on how it's helped their relationships with their kids thrive. "That kinda explains why my kiddos bonded so well with me over their mother. It's not something I've consciously done, just enjoyed doing. Usually after dinner we'll have a good 30 mins of dedicated playtime before bed," he wrote. "I mostly just used it as a way to get those last bits of energy on the day out. My daughter will just come up to me and say what she wants to do. 'Dada, chase' and we'll chase each other around the house, or 'Dada hide' obv is hide and seek. Which is hilarious with a 3 yo. Her idea of hiding at one point was laying as still as possible on the floor with her head in a diaper box."

Another dad added, "Yeah, being mindful of this and making time for it helps so much. I'm out of the house 55+ hours per week with work and my wife is SAHM, so he's way more attached to her than to me. But this morning I lay under a table in his room for like 30 minutes being the 'cupboard troll,' demanding he pays tolls to receive items from the cupboard."

Dr. Amen's "Special Time" technique is "deceptively easy," parenting coach Keesha Scott, MS, tells Upworthy. "It works because kids don’t just want attention, they want attuned attention. When a parent sets everything else aside, the child feels deeply seen, and that sense of connection becomes the foundation of trust."

"Special Time" also lays a great foundation to build a secure attachment. "A secure attachment allows individuals to move forward in the world feeling safe, empowered, and confident," Reesa Morala, LMFT, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Embrace Renewal Therapy, tells Upworthy. "When you know that someone is in your corner with unconditional positive regard, your body is more willing to try new things and expand themselves because they know someone will be there to support and champion them."

For parents looking to try out "Special Time," it doesn't take much forethought. "That could mean playing a game, telling a story, or just sitting together in a way that feels relaxed. Some of the best moments don’t come from a planned 'session' at all," says Scott.

Morala adds, "Let them teach you a skill or a game. Get silly. Get creative. If you can involve movement, that will naturally get the endorphins (hormones that help with attachment bonds) flowing."

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Parenting

A study left groups of kids unsupervised for 5 days. The whole thing was caught on camera.

The difference between the boys and girls was striking.

Photo credit: Canva

Experiment of boys and girls left unsupervised return eyeopening results

What would kids do if left completely to their own devices without any adult intervention? If you've never wondered that, well, you don't have to wonder anymore.

In 2016, Boys Alone (Social Experiment Documentary) took 10 boys ages 11-12 and left them unsupervised in a house for five days. Before the boys were left alone they were given cooking classes and other life skills lessons to give them all a more even starting ground.

They repeated the social experiment with girls in Girls Alone (Social Experiment Documentary). The girls are given the same life skills lessons as the boys before being left to their own devices for the better part of a week. Both groups of children were left with cameras watching their every move as adults monitored from outside of the home. But there was no interference and when the camera crew was present they did not interact or attempt to parent the children in any way.

Recently clips of these experiments resurfaced on social media when a guy with the username Mr. Cult Daddy uploaded it to share with his 508k followers.

His condensed version of the clips along with his commentary gave viewers a quick overview of the vastly different results.



@mrcultdaddy

Replying to @mrcultdaddy In contrast, the girls displayed more responsibility and cooperation. They created a chore chart, divided up tasks, and took turns cooking meals. They even organized a DIY beauty salon to cheer up a girl who was feeling down. While the girls had some disagreements, they handled them more maturely and left the house in a clean and orderly state. The experiment showcased a sense of teamwork and care, unlike the boys' experience​ #boysvsgirls #patriarchy #psychologyfacts #greenscreenvideo

"Imagine this, 10 boys all from the ages of 11 and 12 were put into a house with no adult supervision for five days. And if you heard me say that and thought to yourself that sounds like a total 'Lord of the Flies' situation, you're not wrong because it did not take long for them to completely descend into chaos," the creator shares.



Boys playing, boys, children, unsupervised kids, parenting, modern parenting shallow focus photo of boy in red crew-neck T-shirt Photo by Tolga Ahmetler on Unsplash


He explains that the boys essentially destroyed the house by drawing on the walls, flipping furniture and "trashing everything." The boys didn't use their new cooking skills, relying solely on snacks and sodas. Eventually the chaotic fun turned into power struggles, breaking into different groups fighting each other, even tying someone to a chair.

"But what's interesting about this whole thing is just how quickly their social structure that they developed just completely fell apart. What started out as excitement turned into isolation depression," the man says.

The TikTok creator jumps into sharing the commentary from others around the societal expectations of boys being able to get away with more which people feel had an impact on the way these boys behaved.

On the flip side, the girls experiment had wildly different results. The girls were the same age as the boys but instead of immediately descending into chaos, they actually worked together.

One commenter writes about the boys, "Grown men live like this too. It’s not an age thing," with another person saying, "That’s the least shocking outcome ever."



kids, children, unsupervised children, parenting, modern parenting, parenting advice, parenting hacks Teens playing table tennis Photo by Nima Sarram on Unsplash


"As we know the boys descended into chaos relatively quickly so you might say to yourself, 'oh we can expect the same things from these girls,' no. From the start the girls organize themselves. They made a freaking chore chart, took turns cooking, cleaning. meals were planned, they didn't just survive off the snacks like the boys did. They really created this team," he shares.

The girls also painted on the walls but it was productive paintings like murals and not painting to make a mess. Evidently the girls all worked together and provided each other emotional support according to the creator. They even cleaned the house before they left. It would seem that people in the comments were not at all surprised by the stark contrast between the girls and boys experiment.

One woman tells the creator, "by 12 I could have run a whole household."

"I think it's probably 15-20% prefrontal cortex and 75-80% conditioning. I was expected to wash the dishes every night by myself from a young age while my male sibling went to bed. I was made to do his homework, even tho I was 2y younger, so he'd have free time to "be a typical boy." I'm the reason he passed elementary school, but I refused after that and his grades crashed," another woman reveals.



children, raising children, unsupervised children, parents, parenting, modern parenting two girl in pink and green shirts sitting on wall shelf Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash


"I think it shows the difference in raising. Girls are taught to behave, be smart. Boys tend to be spoiled by moms and dads. They don’t usually receive the learning of being nice, cordial," someone else shares.

"It's conditioning (at least 80%) my brother is 9 years older and I had to teach him how to do his own laundry when I was 14 (he was ripe ol' age of 23) bc my mom taught me from a young age and didn't," one commenter explains.

While many people agree that the culprit is social conditioning combined with brain development while others pointed out that it may simply be American culture. That also likely plays a large role in the outcome of these experiments, but what do you think? If the experiment was completed again today, would the results be the same?

You can watch the entire boys experiment here and the girls experiment here.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Millennial parents are pleading with Boomer grandparents to stop giving excessive gifts to grandkids

"I struggle to keep on top of tidying as it is, and this is a massive added challenge."

Image via Canva/PeopleImages

Boomer grandparents are excessively gifting their grandkids, and Millennial parents have had enough.

Millennial parents and Boomer grandparents don't always see eye to eye on parenting and grandparenting. Now, Millennial parents are uniting on a nightmare Boomer grandparenting trend that sees them "excessively gifting" their grandkids with tons of both new and old *unwanted* stuff during visits.

Ohio mom Rose Grady (@nps.in.a.pod) shared her "Boomer grandparent" experience in a funny and relatable video. "Just a millennial mom watching her boomer parents bring three full loads of 'treasures' into her home," she wrote in the overlay.

Grady can be seen looking out the window of her home at her Boomer mom and dad carrying bags and boxes up her driveway after several visits. The distressed and contemplative look on Grady's is speaking to plenty of Millennial moms.

@nps.in.a.pod

Today's "treasure" highlight was the mobile that hung in my nursery... #boomerparents #boomers #boomersbelike #millennialsoftiktok #millenialmom #motherdaughter

Grady captioned the video, "Today's 'treasure' highlight was the mobile that hung in my nursery..."

The humorous video resonated with with fellow Millennial parents. "Straight to the trash when they leave," one viewer commented. Another added, "I always say 'if you don’t want it in yours, we don’t want it in ours' 😂."

Even more Millennial parents have shared and discussed their situations with Boomer grandparents buying their kids too much stuff on Reddit. "Both my mother and my MIL love buying and sending toys, books, clothes, etc. I don't want to be ungrateful but we just don't need it and don't have the space. I have brought this up politely in 'we are all out of drawers for that' but it hasn't slowed things down," one explained. "I think part of the issue is that the grandparents live in different cities and vacation a lot. They don't get to see our daughter much so they buy stuff instead."

Another Millennial parent shared, "While the intention is very kind behind these, all the grandparents are very aware that we do not need, nor wish to receive these gifts in such an excessive volume - as it creates a daily struggle to store and accommodate in our home. I struggle to keep on top of tidying as it is, and this is a massive added challenge."

millennial parents, millennial parent, millennial mom, kids room, organize Millennial mom struggles to organize her son's room.Image via Canva/fotostorm

How to talk to Boomer grandparents about gifts

So, why are Boomer grandparents excessively gifting? "Boomer grandparents may be the first grandparent generation to have accumulated the substantial discretionary funds that enables them to spend money on their grandchildren," Sari Goodman, a Certified Parent Educator and founder of Parental Edge, tells Upworthy. "These grandparents probably grew up with grandparents who didn’t have that kind of money and so they may be excited to give their grandchildren the things they didn’t get."

Goodman suggests that Millennial parents first discuss with them the "why" behind the gifting. "What comes before setting a boundary to limit over-the-top gift-giving is delving into the reasons grandparents are buying so much," she explains. "Coming from a place of compassion and understanding makes it possible to come up with mutually beneficial solutions."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She recommends that Millennial parents sit down with their Boomer parents to learn more. "Did they grow up without many toys and clothes and are fulfilling a dream? Ask them about the values they learned as children (hard work, perseverance, the power of delayed gratification) and how they can pass on these lessons to the grandchildren," she suggests.

She adds that another reason may be that Boomer grandparents live far away and want their grandchildren to feel a connection with them. "Set up a regular FaceTime or Zoom meeting. Rehearse with the kids so they have something to say and suggest a topic for the grandparents," says Goodman. "Or send snail mail. Kids love getting mail. The grandparents can send postcards from where they live and explain some of the special sites."

boomer grandparents, boomer grandparenting, video chat, video call, grandkids Boomer grandparents have a video call with grandkids.Image via Canva/Tima Miroshnichenko

Finally, Goodman adds that for some grandparents, this may be is the only way they know how to show their love. Millennial parents could ask if they would be open to other ideas. "Parents can set up an activity for grandparents and kids to do when they come over—a jigsaw puzzle, art activity, board game, magic tricks," she says. "Arrange for the grandchildren to teach the grandparents something their phones can do or introduce them to an app they might like."

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