It Takes Just 4 Minutes To Explain Why Women Should Never Be Embarrassed About Past Relationships

People seem to think that feminism paints the man as the enemy, which is not the case. I reeeeally like that this video doesn’t do that! It talks about the importance of women setting clear boundaries in relationships and not feeling like a weirdo when doing so. It also reminds us that independence and love can truly rock together like PB&J. Now that’s the type of advice I’m talking about.

Transcript:
Show Transcript Hide Transcript

Sarah Kay: All right. So, there's a poet by the name of Richard Sikin, who is an incredible poet, and he has a line in one of his poems that goes, "Everybody needs a place. It shouldn't be inside of someone else." And I've been thinking about that line a lot recently and this poem is for my best friend.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to look at, you can let them look at you, but do not mistake eyes for hands or windows or mirrors. Let them see what a woman looks like. They may not have ever seen one before.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to touch, you can let them touch you. Sometimes it is not you they are reaching for. Sometimes it is a bottle, a door, a sandwich, a Pulitzer, another woman, but then hands found you first. Do not mistake yourself for a guardian or a muse or a promise or a victim or a snack. You are a woman, skin and bones, veins and nerves, hair and sweat. You are not made of metaphors, not apologies, not excuses.

If you grow up the type of women men want to hold, you can let them hold you. All day they practice keeping their bodies upright, even after all this evolving it still feels unnatural, still strains the muscles, hold firms the arms and spine. Only some men will want to learn what it feels like to curl themselves into a question mark around you, admit they do not have the answers they thought they would by now. Some men will want to hold you like the answer. You are not the answer, you are not the problem, you are not the poem, or the punchline, or the riddle, or the joke.

Woman, if you grow up the type men want to love, you can let them love you. Being loved is not the same thing as loving. When you fall in love, it is discovering the ocean after years of puddle jumping. It is realizing you have hands, it is reaching for the tightrope when the crowds have all gone home. Do not spend time wondering if you are the type of woman men will hurt. If he leaves you with a car alarm heart, you'll learn to sing along.

It is hard to stop loving the ocean, even after it has left you gasping, salty. So forgive yourself for the decisions you've made. The ones you still call mistakes when you tuck them in at night and know this; know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours. Let the statues crumble. You have always been the place. You are a woman who can build it yourself. You were born to build.

Thank you.

There may be small errors in this transcript.
About:

“The Type” is a brilliant spoken word poem by the great Sarah Kay found here on the glorious Interweb. It's inspired by Richard Siken’s "Detail of the Woods." Sarah is the founder of Project VOICE and has been a speaker at TED. Follow her on Twitter or Facebook. You can also check out more of her work, highlighted by my fellow Upworthians, here and here. Thumbnail image via Thinkstock.

Topics:

Next bit of Upworthiness:

Flash Video Embed

This video is not supported by your device. Continue browsing to find other stuff you'll love!

Hey, Internet Friend. Looks like you're using a crazy old web browser, which is no longer supported. Please consider upgrading to something more modern—for a better experience, and a safer time online. We only want the best for you.

Download Google Chrome, and try it for a week. Don't think about it, just do it. You'll thank us later.