Here's some education-fact-real-talk about the "pop your cherry" myth from video blogger Laci Green. She hopes to dispel some widely held misconceptions about vaginas. I wish all sex education were as fun as this.
Narrator:Oh, hi. So, people seem to have, and I myself once had, totally false ideas about what the hymen is. People think the hymen is a thin layer that goes over the vagina that needs to be popped or broken the first time you have sex. Hence the pop you’re cherry, deflowering. So, moving into the world of reality, the hymen doesn't completely cover the vagina at all. It doesn't need to be popped. It doesn't need to be broken. They hymen is a very thin, elastic membrane that sits either right outside the vagina, or just inside of it. It looks more like this.
So the first time you have sex, you're not popping anything. You're actually just stretching this little membrane a little bit and that stretching can happen by using a dildo, tampon, fingers. Now, hymens come in different sizes. Some cover a little more, some cover a little less, but no matter what, if you're too rough, if you don’t use enough lube, if you go too fast, this membrane can tear.
You'll feel this sort of sharp sensation right outside your vagina and it can bleed a little bit, depending on how big the tear is. The good news is because of the elastic nature of this membrane, it will stretch out and not be a problem for you if you’re having sex regularly or masturbating regularly. However, if you stop popping things in or out of your veg, then it will head back to its position, and if you have sex again, after you haven't had it for a while, you might need to go slow, and use tons of lube again and stretch it back out.
Your hymen remains a part of your body your entire life. You don't lose it. Fun fact, the membrane itself is likely a remnant from fetal development.
So, let’s talk for second about this misconception that the hymen covers the whole vagina and needs to be broken. Not only is it outright false, wrong, it's also kind of violent. Ah, big bad penis needs to come in and pop your hymen and make you bleed. It’s going to be this big pain-fest, and I'm going to take away your virginity, I’m going to take away your flower. Oh my God. Can you see why so many women get so anxious and nervous about the first time? And for nothing. The first-time you have sex is not some victory parade of a man taking away something valuable for a woman where he gets gold stars and cookies for doing it, and she’s just, like, rendered a dirty, undesirable ho. Some fucked-up, sexist shingling on with this hymen myth.
Plus, it totally confuses people with vaginas, who are like, “OK, then, how am I menstruating, and why can't I feel it with a tampon?” And people with and without vaginas think that the first time you have vaginal sex it's going to be like this big, bloody pain, literally. When really, the only time it's going to be a big, bloody pain is if you don't know how to do it right.
So, real talk about how to avoid pain the first time you have vaginal sex. First, go slow, with lots of foreplay. Don't time it, but shoot for, like, at least 10 minutes of foreplay. You might also try just using fingers first for a few weeks before you plan to have sex. That will get the stretching going. Lastly, even though you’ll probably get wet on your own use lots of lube, too. This is just, you know, sex in general you need lube. You can get this pretty much anywhere for cheap. Drug stores, department stores, health clinics, gas stations, your drug dealer in the back alley, although I wouldn't advise that one. You want things really slick. Well, hope that helps at least someone. I'm always happy to pop sex-negative ideas.