Dogs really do have favorite people. Here's how they decide
When my sister's dog, Junior, was on this side of the Rainbow Bridge, I was one of his favorite people. This dog would get full body wags every time I came around, and we'd spend most of the day cuddled up with each other. Now my dog, Cocolina, behaves in the same way whenever my sister comes to visit. But what goes into a dog deciding who their favorite person is? Spoiler, it's not always the person they live with.
Like humans, animals have their own personalities. You might rescue a dog thinking it will be the perfect companion, only to have the furry adoptee spend every waking moment following your partner around. You could spend hundreds of dollars on vet checkups, new harnesses, treats, and all the squeaky dog toys you can find, but that still won't be enough to convince a dog to love you. Instead of showering the giver of treats with kisses, they make goo-goo eyes at the pet sitter. It turns out they have their reasons.
Corgi cuddles spreading joy and smiles!Photo credit: Canva
Since our canine friends can't talk, we have to rely on the experts to explain what the deal is with how dogs pick their favorite human. Carol Erickson, a Pennsylvania SPCA animal advocate, gave a brief interview with CBS News Philadelphia to explain her take on how dogs determine their bestest, most favorite person.
"What it comes down to for all dogs is they decide their very favorite family member by who gives the most consistent, high-quality attention, play, and physical affection: ear rubs, scratches, that sort of thing. Dogs get positive associations from being around people who consistently provide positive experiences, including treats, meals, play that they enjoy, and remember also that early association in those first six months can influence who a dog may like better later on," she tells the outlet.
Rover backs up Erickson's claim that the first six months are crucial in determining who will become the dog's favorite person later in life. The website says, "Many dogs bond hardest to whoever cares for them during their key socialization period, which occurs between birth and six months." However, they later note that dogs can still be socialized appropriately even as adults.
The dog-sitting website also explains that it's not uncommon for people who are not the dog's primary caregiver to be their favorite person. Pointing out that physical affection is vital to dogs, if the mailman gives out head scratches daily but the owner doesn't, the mailman may become the dog's favorite person. While physical affection and treats go a long way for some pooches, those aren't the only things that get puppy eyes melting with love.
Joyful moments with furry friends! 🐶❤️Photo credit: Canva
"While positive experiences play a big role, a dog’s favorite person isn’t always just the one holding the treat bag. Dogs also respond to emotional connection, tone of voice, and even body language. Their preferences are shaped by a mix of familiarity, trust, and how well a person understands their needs," explains Elle Vet Sciences. They later add, "Dogs also take emotional cues from us. If a person is stressed, loud, or inconsistent, a dog may be less likely to form a deep bond with them. On the other hand, someone who offers reassurance and stability often earns the title of 'favorite' without even realizing it."
In short, if you want to be your dog's bestie, being consistent with affection, actions, and even training and grooming will get you there a lot faster than treats alone. Dogs aren't trying to be persnickety; just like humans, they enjoy being around people who show them that they enjoy their company—and maybe some treats.
The science behind why they need more empathy.
If you’ve ever raised tween girls, been a tween girl yourself, or watched any shows with tweens in them, you’ll be all too familiar with tween girl drama. The eye rolling, the aloofness, the cattiness, the meltdowns…you get the idea.
But what if this newfound attitude isn’t just preteen girls being difficult, but a symptom of chronic dysregulation?
That was the insight recently given by Dr. Chelsey Hauge Zavaleta, who argued that most parents don’t understand that between the ages of 8 and 12, their daughter's brain is “rewiring itself while her confidence forms.”
And because of that, Zavaleta explained, her “nervous system is stuck in a constant state of overwhelm.”
“She will be unable to cooperate, not that she won't, not that she's being bratty, refusing, defiant, rude, she cannot cooperate. Her nervous system is too overwhelmed, and your task is to help her bring it down.”
Zavaleta then listed the five typical “tween drama” behaviors that, when constant and persistent, could be signs of an overworked nervous system.
It's not just laziness. Photo credit: Canva
While it might be irksome for parents to now give reminder after reminder for something they know their daughter knows about, Dr. Zavaleta kindly offered the reminder that, “This isn't defiance. She's too dysregulated to access her thinking brain.”
It's not just sibling rivalry. Photo credit: Canva
This doesn’t come from meanness so much as deep insecurity.
“She's sitting there in your family, feeling judged and alone. The attention feels overwhelming when her nervous system is already maxed out,” said Zavaleta.
It's not just depression.Photo credit: Canva
Contrary to what it looks like, she actually cares so much that it is unbearable. To cope, she willfully disconnects.
“She cares so much, it hurts, but caring feels dangerous right now. Disconnection is protection when everything feels too intense.”
It's not just an attitude. Photo credit: Canva
“She's looking for connection, but she only knows how to get attention through conflict. Her nervous system is seeking regulation through the friction created by drama,” Zavaleta explained.
It's not just a meltdown. Photo credit: Canva
“Spilled milk becomes a huge meltdown,” said Zavaleta, painting a picture.
Thing is, “when your system is already flooded, the smallest thing is gonna tip you right over,” she added.
“Those tears aren't about the milk, they're about everything else.”
When put through this lens, it’s easy to see how “these are not behavior problems to be fixed with consequences,” as Zavaleta put it. Rather, they're “regulation problems” that need co-regulation support from the parents. After all, at this age kids are still hardwired to their parents' nervous systems, making it all the more imperative for parents to model healthy regulation practices.
“When you stay calm and grounded, she can access that state as well. When you are also dysregulated because parenting a dysregulated tween is hard, you're both stuck in survival mode.”
Bottom line: when you think about all the inner “construction” going on, in addition to external factors—more and more school responsibilities, increasingly complicated friendships, a transforming body, etc.—there’s no doubt that young girls didn’t suddenly become ornery for no reason.
When parents feel that a boundary needs to be made, child counselor Katie Lear suggests offering a chance for “do-overs” when they catch an attitude. This helps preteens become more aware and gives them another opportunity to communicate calmly. Alternatively, parents can offer “natural consequences” that help preteens better understand cause and effect. She uses the example of not being available to drive her to a friend if you’re spending time doing the chores she fails to do.
None of this makes parenting during the tween phase any easier, per se. However, it does hopefully provide insight and tools that can elicit compassion, strengthen relationships, and offer an opportunity for both parents and children to emerge from a notoriously tumultuous chapter a little more grounded.
A couple talking over coffee.
Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.
However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.
Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels
The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:
"It reminds me of…”
A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:
Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"
You:
Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."
Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."
Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."
Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”
Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”
- YouTube www.youtube.com
You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.
Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.
Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels
Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.
This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.
What do you do when your kid is being the bully?
Many of us may assume that kids who bully other kids don't have parents teaching them right from wrong, but that's not always true. While a dysfunctional home or lack of parental guidance can lead to bad behavior, even kids from solid families with attentive, conscientious parents can have lapses in judgment. Good kids can fall to peer pressure or "try on" certain behaviors that go against what their parents teach them.
Case in point: a parent who posted a message to a local message board explaining how they handled seeing their kids bullying another kid.
A parent shared this message on a local Facebook group.Via MothersMiIk/Reddit
The message was addressed to the parents of a junior high school student who might have come home "very distraught." She explained that he seemed to have some sort of hearing device and described where he was walking with his class.
"Just know that I am so sorry and that I see you," she wrote. "I witnessed my kids picking on your kid. I could see how angry he was. I stepped out of my vehicle as soon as I realized what was going on, and I intervened and I had his back. I have talked to my children. It won't happen again. Please tell your kiddo that we are so sorry, and expect an apology from my junior high-aged child tomorrow at school. We are not raising bullies here."
The screenshot shared on Reddit received praise from other parents in the comments:
"And that's the way you do it!! Good on you for teaching your child what is acceptable and what is not."
"Wish more parents were like this instead of making excuses or pretending their kids are angels. Takes guts to step up when you see your own child being awful."
parenting moms GIF by Cat & Nat Giphy
"It’s rare but beautiful when parenting looks like accountability in real time."
"Parenting done right."
"Wife and I have told both our kids that if they are being bullied, then they have carte blanche to defend themselves, regardless of how the school wishes to punish them. However, if we learn THEY are being the bullies, then whatever punishment the school provides will be NOTHING on what they get at here at home."
"I’m so glad there’s parents like this. My 2 year old is deaf with a hearing device and facial differences caused by his genetic syndrome. I dread him going to school and getting bullied but this gives me hope that there is still good parents raising kids out there!"
Strive to raise kind kids. Photo credit: Canva
There are several steps parents can take to prevent their children from becoming bullies, including teaching them the importance of kindness, fostering empathy, and modeling respectful treatment of others. However, proactive parenting doesn't always take hold, so parents must also be prepared for what to do if their child behaves in a manner that contradicts the way they've been taught.
Considering the fact that this parent didn't know who the picked-on kid or his parents were, this message being put out in a community forum was perfect. It included many great elements on how to handle this kind of situation: The parent took immediate action when they noticed what was happening. They supported the child who was being picked on. They acknowledged the emotion the child was feeling and recognized that the child's parents would be upset, too. They didn't defend their children, but explained what they were doing about what had happened and how they were ensuring it wouldn't happen again. And they apologized and ensured that appropriate in-person apologies would also take place.
Parenting isn't easy, and our kids can surprise us in both delightful and disturbing ways. It takes years of proactive and reactive effort to mold small humans into conscientious, contributing adults. None of us do it all perfectly, which is why it's nice to see a good, solid parenting example we can all learn something from.
Mats Steen led a richer, fuller life than anyone new.
Tragically, Mats Steen was only 25 years old when he passed away, his body succumbing to the genetic disease that had slowly taken his mobility since childhood. He'd lived in a wheelchair since his early teens, and by his 20s, his physical abilities had deteriorated to the point of only being able to move his fingers. He could push buttons and use a mouse, and he spent nearly all of his waking hours playing video games in his parents' basement.
His family loved him and cared for him through it all, giving him as much of a normal life as they could. But they also lamented everything they knew he'd missed out on. "Our deepest sorrow lay in the fact that he would never experience friendships, love, or to make a difference in people's lives," Mats' father shares.
Mats left behind the password to a blog he kept. Not knowing if anyone would actually read it, his parents published the news of Mats' passing in a blog post, adding their email address in case anyone wanted to reach out.
Much to their surprise, messages began pouring in from around the world—not just with condolences, but with heartfelt stories from people who called Mats their friend.
As his online life was revealed, the family learned that Mats began his days with a routine 30-minute sprint through the forest. He frequented cafes and pubs, chatting with strangers and flirting with women. He sat by campfires having heart-to-heart conversations. He made friends and enemies. He fought heroic battles. He supported people in times of need. He gave advice that people took. He experienced his first kiss.
And he did it all as "Ibelin," his handsome, muscular avatar in the online game World of Warcraft.
- YouTube youtu.be
Mats' life is showcased in the documentary The Remarkable Life of Ibelin, in which his parents share the story of how they discovered their son's group of friends they didn't know he had.
People who've never played an open world roleplay game like World of Warcraft may wonder how real community can be built through it, but Mats' story proves it's possible. The friends he made through the game have shared the real influence he'd had on their real lives, from helping them with problems they were facing to empowering them to make positive changes in their relationships.
A young woman Ibelin had connected with as a teenager—the one with whom he'd shared that first virtual kiss—shared that her parents had taken away her computer when they feared gaming was interfering with her studies. When she logged on at a local library, Mats gave her a letter he had written to give to her parents, encouraging them to talk with her about her gaming hobby and to work out a solution together that didn't require her to give it up completely. She printed it and gave it to them. Miraculously, it worked.
Another woman had been having a hard time connecting with her autistic son as a young adult. When she talked with Ibelin about her struggles, he suggested that she and her son start gaming together and connect in that way first. Eventually, that connection via the virtual world led to warmer in-person interactions between them—and a life-changing shift in their relationship.
"I don't think he was aware of the impact that he had done to a lot of people," the mother shared.
Mats interacted with the same online friends as Ibelin for years, going through the kinds of ups and downs all friendships experience. He kept his physical condition a secret until close to the end of his life, when he finally opened up to another player who convinced him to share his reality with the others. Some traveled from other countries to attend his funeral, with one of them speaking on the group's behalf and a few of them serving as pallbearers. Those who knew Ibelin also held a memorial in-game at his virtual gravesite—a tradition that has spread beyond just his own guild.
Typically, we think of someone escaping the real world and spending hours a day playing video games as unhealthy, but for Mats, it was a lifeline. As Ibelin, Mats was able to have a level of independence and a rich social life that simply wasn't possible for him in the offline world—an uniquely modern phenomenon that technology and human creativity have made possible.
Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD), the genetic disease that Mats lived with and ultimately died from, affects 300,000 boys worldwide. It only affects males and it has no cure. But CureDuchenne, a global nonprofit dedicated to funding and finding a cure, partnered with video game company Blizzard Entertainment's World of Warcraft in Mats' honor from the end of 2024 until January 7, 2025. During that window, World of Warcraft players could purchase a limited-edition pet fox named Reven ("fox" in Norwegian). The Reven Pack, which includes a transmog backpack and Reven’s Comfy Carrier, costs $20, with 100% of the purchase price being donated to CureDuchenne.
The Reven Pack on World of Warcraft—100% of purchase cost goes to the CureDuchenne foundation. World of Warcraft/CureDuchenne
“Mats Steen lived a life in World of Warcraft that he couldn’t in the real world as he fought Duchenne muscular dystrophy alongside his incredible family, who I’m proud to have met and fallen in love with,” said Holly Longdale, executive producer of World of Warcraft. “Working with CureDuchenne for our Charity Pet Program, in honor of Mats’ memory, allows us to harness the power of our phenomenal global community to bring meaningful impact to so many lives.”
In February 2025, CureDuchenne announced that The Reven Pack raised over two million dollars in support. Later in the month, Debra and Hawken Miller of Cure Duchenne spoke with ViceVice and shared how The Reven Pack helped raise valuable awareness about Duchenne in addition to funds. For those interested in updates, the site keeps donors and supporters current on all developments in Duchenne research news.
Mats life was truly impactful in many ways and to many people. His love, kindness, and friendship touched lives and his legacy continues to help those struggling with this rare disease. According to the site, since the inception of CureDuchenne, life expectancy for those with the disease has increased by a decade and over fifty million dollars have been raised for research, education, and care.
You can learn more about Mats' story in the award-winning documentary, The Remarkable Life of Ibelin on Netflix.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
