Woman gets emotional while admitting she feels 'so jealous' seeing girl best friends
Her tearful confession elicited a lot of responses from other women who felt a similar loneliness.
"It's a different kind of pain."
From the gal pals in “Sex & the City,” to besties Romy and Michelle, to even a casual scroll through #bffsforever on social media, we are inundated with images of female friendships brimming over with glamor, intimacy, laughter, connection…sort of like the grown-up version of sugar, spice and everything nice.
And while it’s lovely to see examples of women lifting each other up rather than putting each other down, it can feel painfully isolating for the many women who simply don’t have those types of friendships.
Loneliness is something that nearly every person deals with in some capacity due to our increasingly technology-driven, post-COVID world, but it’s the particular juxtaposition of girl squads constantly showing up in pop culture against the very different reality of many, if not most, women that is its own unique type of suffering. Friendships, friendships everywhere, but not a drop to drink lattes with.
This is why so many women are resonating with a TikTok NYC-based Via Li made after seeing two girlfriends chatting at a cafe and feeling intense longing for that type of platonic relationship.“I just got to this cafe and I saw these two girls just sitting next to each other. You know, they had their laptops out and they were just smiling with each other,” Li says as her eyes well up with tears.
“Why am I crying? This is so embarrassing, oh my god!” she exclaims. It’s okay Li, we’ve been there.
She continues by describing how the two girls seem so comfortable around each other, giving her the inkling that they probably even live together. “I think it’s just so great to have this best friend that you can do everything with…It just seems so happy, you know?”
Meanwhile, Li is sitting there by herself and “literally about to have a mental breakdown.”
She then explains that seeing those two friends together is a “different kind of pain” than seeing a couple together. “When I see couples, I don’t even get jealous,” she says. “But when I see two girl best friends…I literally look at them and I just feel like I’m gonna start crying.”
@via..li why tf am i so emotional today oh my god
♬ original sound - Via
Though Li felt alone while filming the clip, she is certainly not alone in her sentiment. Shortly after posting, several other women flooded the comments with similar feelings of this specific kind of loneliness, whether they once had a friend group and lost it or never seemed to belong to one.
“Same it’s hard to find someone who matches your energy, humor and morals,” one person shared.
Another added, “I miss having girl best friends. Everything was so easy omg this makes me sad.”
“I know exactly how you feel. I crave it so badly and never experienced the full thing” wrote another.
Feeling envy is part of being human. It’s a way of remembering that we truly care about something. Friendship envy is no different. And the good news is this thing we care about can be achieved with some effort and attention (though it still may never look like a well-crafted sitcom).
Psychologist and Forbes contributor Mark Travers suggests being proactive by initiating conversation with neighbors, organizing a movie night, starting your own book club, etc., and committing to creating your own community that way. He also emphasizes the power of being honest about your personal life with others in order to form connections. Even those who are more introverted can “start off small,” he writes.
Considering tons of viewers reached out to offer Li friendship after she was so vulnerable, perhaps there is something to this strategy. Regardless, her story is one that nearly all of us can relate to. You never really grow out of that desire to have a sleepover, paint your nails and share your feelings with a chosen tribe that feels like family.
Looking for more friend-finding tips? We actually have some here.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.