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Modern Families

Wife whose husband can’t cook mac ‘n cheese says we’ve set the bar ‘waaay too low’ for men

The instructions are on the box.

macaroni and cheese, reddit, weaponized incompetence
via Sander Sammy/Unsplash and Frank/Flickr

A box of mac 'n cheese and a confused man.

As women work their way towards equality when it comes to the division of domestic labor, a new trend has them pointing out how men use weaponized incompetence to get out of their responsibilities.

Weaponized incompetence is a strategy in which someone appears incapable of performing specific tasks so that someone else has to pick up the slack. Many men use this tactic to make women primarily responsible for household chores, cooking and caring for children.

“This is something that women have been dealing with all their lives,” Nadine Shaanta Murshid, PhD, associate professor of social work at the University at Buffalo, believed to have coined the term, told The Skimm. “The idea is that men are not good at certain things like domestic labor. And so, why not have women who are good at it, do it, because they're naturally predisposed to being good at this?”

A Redditor who goes by the name Latitude32 shared a powerful example of weaponized incompetence on a women’s forum in a post that has received over 1,300 comments. The post is titled: “Husband asked me how to do mac and cheese.”

“The kids had to be fed and I started a pot to make mac and cheese,” Latitude32 wrote. “I left it cooking to move on to the next task — to bathe our dog. I asked my husband to finish up the mac and cheese so I could continue bathing our dog.”

Unfortunately, he needed help making macaroni and cheese, a dish with only a few basic steps. This was strange because the man was an IT engineer who knew a thing or two about reading instructions and carrying out complex tasks.

“I'm elbow deep in dog hair and soap and the next thing I know, he had the nerve to ask me, ‘What do I do after draining the pasta?’ EXCUSE ME? Our kids are 13 and 5, so he has done mac and cheese MULTIPLE TIMES by now. Additionally, the instructions are, literally, ON THE BOX,” Latitude32 continued.

Her response to her husband? “Some of the best chefs in the world are men and you should figure it out.”

“If this isn't weaponized incompetence, I don't know what is,” Latitude32 concluded her post. “I can't help but think we've set up the bar for guys waaaay too low.”

The post received many comments from women complaining that their husbands relied on weaponized incompetence to shield them from household responsibilities. However, many shared some constructive advice on how they solved the problem by setting appropriate boundaries with their husbands.

“My favorite saying always works here. ‘Pretend I’m dead. What would you do?’ I will not allow the weaponized incompetence,” Socialmediaignorant wrote. “If my husband pulls that ‘oh how do you do a simple task,’ I remind him he has THREE degrees, so I have every faith in him to figure it out,” No-Winter1049 added.

“I had a colleague whose rule for her husband and son was, ‘If they don’t do it well the first time, make sure they do it repeatedly until they’re good at it.’ They learned quickly that helplessness was not their friend,” Humanityrus wrote.

Not all men use weaponized incompetence to get out of household responsibilities. Plenty of adults respect their partners by pulling their fair share around the house. However, posts like Latitide32’s are a great way of explaining the tactics their significant others may use to avoid pulling their weight. When we expose the roots of a problem, it becomes a lot easier to identify and then, fix.

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Dad shares the hilarious conversations he has with 5-year-old daughter and folks are cracking up

"Why do people congratulate you when Mom is making the baby?

via James Breakwell/X

All parents have had similar convos with thier kiddos.

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Especially when actual conversations start, as kids begin trying to make sense out of the world around them, ask questions, and test mommy and daddy's resolve.

Back in 2018, comedy writer and children's book author James Breakwell, with four daughters who were all under the age of eight at the time, shared their hilarious conversations on X. From these tweets, it looks like comedy runs in the family. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

While Breakwell's 7-year-old wasn't as heavily featured, when she was quoted, the sarcasm was palpable. Which makes sense, considering that kiddos begin understanding this mechanism around that age.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and we love them for it. It one of the many, many ways then bring so much joy to the world. It almost makes up for the headaches and sleepless nights, doesn't it.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Best friends, 88 and 92, experience Disneyland for the first time and their joy is contagious

Watch them hopping out of their wheelchairs to dance in New Orleans Square.

Photo courtesy of Disney

June and Ann felt the Disney magic on their first trip to Disneyland.

Good friends can come along at all ages and stages of our lives. While some friendships start early and blossom slowly, others arrive later—sometimes much later—and quickly burst into full bloom.

Ann was nearly 90 years old when she met her bestie, June, and their friendship blossomed instantly. Ann's son, Alonzo, started dating June's daughter, Lauria, three years ago, and the two moms have been inseparable since then. Now 88 and 92, June and Ann do pretty much everything together. "They've known each other almost as long as [Alonzo and I] have been together," says Lauria, "and they've been causing trouble ever since."

 disneyland, disney park, disneyland resort, first trip to disneyland June, Lauria, Alonzo, and Ann enjoying The Happiest Place on Earth.Photo courtesy of Disney

Only good trouble, of course. June tells Upworthy that she and Ann are often told they look alike and they've grown to be more like sisters than just friends. "Our closeness in age allows us to do things together that the younger people wouldn't understand," she says, "like laughing at things we feel are funny or going to dinner, shopping, watching game shows and taking walks together."

And, apparently, hopping out of their wheelchairs to dance to the music in Disneyland's New Orleans Square. June and Ann recently took their first trip to Disneyland and the Disney magic didn't disappoint.

Watch how joyfully these two kicked up their heels with their kids:

 

  June and Ann loved dancing in New Orleans Square.Video courtesy of Disney 

 

"[Experiencing the Disneyland resort] was a wonderful, fun, and exciting experience," Ann tells Upworthy. "It exceeded my expectations and made my first visit to Disneyland a magical experience that I will never forget. I plan on returning for another visit if God is willing."

June says the kindness, patience, and laughter of the cast members stood out to her during their visit. "All the people were so kind to us and I will never forget how warm and happy and inviting they made me feel," she says.

  Disney Perfect Loops GIF  Giphy  

Both of them said their favorite parts were dancing in New Orleans Square and taking a boat ride to see the animals. "We still laugh about all those animals," says June.

Disneyland is celebrating its 70th anniversary in 2025, which means the children who first visited the park the year it opened are now well into retirement. But as we can see from June and Ann's joy, you're never too old to enjoy a little sprinkle of Tinkerbell's magic.

June and Ann's experience with employees—known as cast members—isn't unique. Part of what has made Disneyland such a special place for seven decades is the dedication of the people who work there. Cast members strive to ensure that every guest, no matter their age or how many times they've been to Disneyland, experiences the Disney magic and truly feels they've arrived at The Happiest Place on Earth.

In honor of its 70th year, Disneyland shared a video highlighting a handful of long-time cast members who have been welcoming guests for decades, including Disney's longest-serving cast member, Henry Ameen—affectionately known as Hank—who first started working at the park in 1958.

@disneyparks

At Disneyland, happiness is generational 🏰✨ Since 1955, more than 300,000 cast members have followed in Walt's footsteps to welcome guests to The Happiest Place on Earth, and we can’t wait for everyone to Celebrate Happy during our 70th anniversary.

Disneyland has earned the loyalty of cast members and guests alike since 1955 by honoring the imaginative child that lives in all of us. June and Ann are a delightful reminder that sharing joy with your favorite people is a big part of what makes Disneyland "The Happiest Place on Earth." Whether you're 9 or 92, friendship combined with a sprinkle of that mysterious Disney magic is the perfect recipe for unforgettable memories.

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Pop Culture

'Wicked' author says one line in 'The Wizard of Oz' inspired Elphaba and Glinda's backstory

Gregory Maguire says he "fell down to the ground" laughing when the idea hit him.

Public domain

The two witches in "The Wizard of Oz" clearly had a history together.

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book or listened to a piece of music and wondered, "How did they come up with that idea?" The creative process is so enigmatic even artists themselves don't always know where their ideas come from, so It's a treat when we get to hear the genesis of a brilliant idea straight from the horse's mouth. If you've watched "Wicked" and wondered where the idea for the friendship between Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) came from, the author of the book has shared the precise moment it came to him.

The hit movie "Wicked" is based on the 20-year-old hit stage musical, which is based on the novel "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" written by Gregory Maguire. While the musical is a simplified version of the 1995 book, the basic storyline—the origin story of the two witches from "The Wizard of Oz"—lies at the heart of both. In an interview with BBC, Maguire explained how Elphaba and Glinda's friendship popped into his head.

 

Maguire was visiting Beatrix Potter's farm in Cumbria, England, and thinking about "The Wizard of Oz," which he had loved as a child and thought could be an interesting basis for a story about evil.

"I thought 'alright, what do we know about 'The Wizard of Oz' from our memories,'" he said. "We have the house falling on the witch. What do we know about that witch? All we know about that witch is that she has feet. So I began to think about Glinda and the Wicked Witch of the West…

 glinda, elphaba, wicked,  In "Wicked," the two Oz witches met as students at Shiz University.  Giphy GIF by Wicked 

"There is one scene in the 1939 film where Billie Burke [Glinda the Good Witch] comes down looking all pink and fluffy, and Margaret Hamilton [the Wicked Witch of the West] is all crawed and crabbed and she says something like, 'I might have known you'd be behind this, Glinda!' This was my memory, and I thought, now why is she using Glinda's first name? They have known each other. Maybe they've known each other for a long time. Maybe they went to college together. And I fell down onto the ground in the Lake District laughing at the thought that they had gone to college together."

In "Wicked," Glinda and the Wicked Witch, Elphaba, meet as students at Shiz University, a school of wizardry. They get placed as roommates, loathe each other at first, but eventually become best friends. The story grows a lot more complicated from there (and the novel goes darker than the stage play), but it's the character development of the two witches and their relationship with one another that force us to examine our ideas about good and evil.

  - YouTube  youtu.be  

 

Maguire also shared with the Denver Center for Performing Arts what had inspired him to use the "Wizard of Oz" characters in the first place.

"I was living in London in the early 1990’s during the start of the Gulf War. I was interested to see how my own blood temperature chilled at reading a headline in the usually cautious British newspaper, the Times of London: 'Sadaam Hussein: The New Hitler?' I caught myself ready to have a fully formed political opinion about the Gulf War and the necessity of action against Sadaam Hussein on the basis of how that headline made me feel. The use of the word Hitler – what a word! What it evokes! When a few months later several young schoolboys kidnapped and killed a toddler, the British press paid much attention to the nature of the crime. I became interested in the nature of evil, and whether one really could be born bad. I considered briefly writing a novel about Hitler but discarded the notion due to my general discomfort with the reality of those times. But when I realized that nobody had ever written about the second most evil character in our collective American subconscious, the Wicked Witch of the West, I thought I had experienced a small moment of inspiration. Everybody in America knows who the Wicked Witch of the West is, but nobody really knows anything about her. There is more to her than meets the eye."

 wizard of oz, wicked witch of the west The Wicked Witch of the West has a story of her own.  Giphy  

Authors and artists—and their ideas—help hold a mirror up to humanity for us to see and reflect on who we are, and "Wicked" is one of those stories that makes us take a hard look at what we're seeing in that mirror. Thanks, Gregory Maguire, for launching us on a collective journey that not only entertains but has the potential to change how we see one another.

This story originally appeared last year.

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Experts say America's fast-fashion obsession can be fixed with this 20-outfit wardrobe

Brace yourselves. They suggest only two outfits for festive occasions.

Canva

A woman dives into her messy closet.

How much is too much? This is a question so many of us ask ourselves, especially when we're attempting to de-clutter and scale down. For many, there's no place more baffling than our closets and t-shirt drawers. Letting go can be extremely difficult, but even more challenging? Not constantly adding to our ever-growing piles, especially as fast fashion often makes clothes so inexpensive.

According to sustainability studies researched in the last few years, Americans are buying way too many clothes. (It's not just Americans, of course.)

  Decluttering a closet.   www.youtube.com, Home Reimagined 

In the Hot or Cool Institute fashion report, they find, "Recent trends in fashion consumption are clear: we are consuming more fashion and at a faster rate than ever before, while paying increasingly less for it and weaving a dirty tapestry of social and environmental impacts."

In Vogue's article, "How Many Clothes Do I Need, Exactly?" Emily Chan and Christina Pérez point out (citing the same study) that if we were to keep in accordance with the Paris Agreement, we only need to buy five items of clothing a year. They write, "Since the average American currently buys 53 new items a year, that means that the vast majority of us would need to cut back on the number of clothes we purchase for our yearly wardrobes by at least 90%."

 declutter, closet, clothes, sustainability  A rack of clothing hanging in a closet.   Photo by Ani Rain on Unsplash  

But perhaps this is a bit of old news. The question becomes - what can we DO about it? Chan and Perez state, "With this in mind, the researchers found that a 'sufficient' wardrobe consists of 74 garments and 20 outfits total for those who live in a two-season climate, and 85 garments in total for those who live in a four-season climate."

They cite examples from the study. "They’ve suggested that this modern capsule wardrobe could consist of an average of six outfits for work, three outfits for home wear, three outfits for sports, and two outfits for festive occasions, plus four outdoor jackets and pants or skirts."

Some might cringe just thinking about having only two outfits for festive occasions. How realistic is this for the average person? Luckily Reddit has a few other ideas and it was surprising to find that many of them kept in accordance with climate sustainability.

In the subreddit group r/declutter, someone asks, "How many clothes SHOULD I have?" In part, they write, "I feel like setting # amounts on categories of clothes might help me with these obstacles, so like saying I can only keep 10 short sleeve shirts, 5 pants, or so on.... but I'm not sure what realistic numbers are? Has anyone decluttered in this way before or have any advice that could help me?"

 declutter, messy, closet, sustainability  Hands open up a messy closet.   Giphy Tidy Up GIF 

One person says it should be decided based on your laundry cycle and their proposal is even fewer outfits. They suggest, "Let's assume 7 day laundry cycle, so 10 days worth of clothes. Pull everything out of your closet, pull together the best 10 outfits that are seasonally appropriate for the next 3 to 6 months - essentially what will take you to the next big season change. You can reuse pieces, if they go with multiple items, eg of your 10 outfits, 4 might involve one pair of jeans. Underwear and anything that needs washing after one wear you will need 10 of."

Another Redditor suggests using the hanger method to determine what to keep and what to donate. "Yesterday, I started the turn-around hanger method to see what I actually wear over the course of a year. TBH: I know what I don't wear, but I want to see it for myself. If you keep washing and wearing the same stuff (and the other stuff never gets worn), then that's the focus."

And quite a few swear by The Container Concept, discussed by Dana K. White in her book Decluttering at the Speed of Life.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

The commenter explains regarding this concept: "Your wardrobe, your dresser - that is the space you have for clothes. So first take everything out and then portion your space up. For example, this is the drawer for socks, this is the section of rail for shirts, and so on. Then for each type of clothing, start putting things back in, based on what you wear most, what you like most, what you need most. Do one round of your top items, then do another round, then another until your drawer/shelf/rail is full. That's it! There's no more space, so the rest has to go."

Most agree - less is more. It's better for your peace of mind. And more importantly, the planet will thank you.

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British people and Americans are debating studies that claim it's healthy to tease your friends

"The British have been doing this for millennia."

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A kid gets teased by classmates. Union Jack and American flags.

According to a meme making the rounds on social media, if you playfully mock your friends, you're "300 percent" more likely to be honest, loyal and have deeper bonds with them. But here's the catch. That number seems to have been pulled from thin air, as no one can find an actual source for that statistic.

What IS true, however, is that some researchers do believe that playful teasing can be a good thing. In his article for Psychology Today, Dr. Peter Gray Ph.D cites psychologist Dacher Keltner who claims teasing is "an intentional provocation accompanied by playful off-record markers that together comment on something relevant to the target."

Gray suggests that teasing amongst the people closest to you can take the form of showing someone you accept them despite their flaws. It can also serve as means to humble one another, encourage positive change and even test the boundaries of the relationship. "Teasing can be a sign of affection, a constructive form of criticism, or a cruel put-down. It can also be a semi-competitive verbal game, in which the players are testing one another’s abilities to keep cool in response to provocation and provide clever responses."

 teasing, playful, joking, friendships An animated girl teases someone.  Giphy  

It's also noted how vital it is that the person on the receiving end of the "tease" understands the assignment. If their perception of the "jokes" is negative, or they're feeling sensitive, (particularly if there are third-party witnesses) the teasing slips quickly into bullying. In the study, "The Role of a Bystander in Targets’ Perceptions of Teasing Among Friends: Are You Really Teasing Me?" researchers Ildo Kim and Nicholas A. Palomares note, "Given the provocation goals involved in teasing, being teased in the presence of a third party could be undesirable to a target. The target’s response can differ depending on who the third party is (e.g., another close friend, an acquaintance, a stranger)."

But what was especially interesting about this false data making the rounds was how differently people responded to it. In particular, Americans and Brits/Aussies seemed to have very different points-of-view, at least on this Instagram thread.

After posting two women citing this stat on the @longevityxlab, the comment section was off to the races.

A handful of people pushed back against the notion, some simply writing, "No." One, (and we can't completely confirm that this person is American) writes, "I really doubt this in most cases. I have a doctorate in clinical psychology that I earned 4 decades ago. Saying hurtful things to one another is just hurtful. I think men pretend to be comfortable with it because it seems 'manly.' There are so many positive things to say to people we love. Maybe these friends are LOYAL to the friends who passively allow them to poke fun at them. I’d like to see the research."

Referring to the naysayers, one writes, "I’m assuming most of the comments are from Americans. In Britain we know this to be true. You only rip the piss out of your closest friends."

This commenter concurs. "Indeed I’m a Brit who lives in Australia. If I’m nice to you we have a problem."

This one gets more specific. "If mates don’t call you a K--b-head or a B-----d at least once when you are in their company, are they even friends?"

Of course, it's not just Brits and Aussies. People from all over the world including those from France, Brazil and Ireland commented that they essentially see playful teasing as their love language, as well. Obviously not ALL, and plenty of Americans take part in ribbing one another.

  Ricky Gervais discusses American vs. British humor.   www.youtube.com  

But what can be confirmed is that many Brits truly enjoy the "insult" play. It's just a thing they often do. In the op-ed "The Difference Between American and British Humour" for Time Magazine, comedian Ricky Gervais writes of his fellow Brits, "We tease our friends. We use sarcasm as a shield and a weapon. We avoid sincerity until it’s absolutely necessary. We mercilessly take the piss out of people we like or dislike basically. And ourselves. This is very important. Our brashness and swagger is laden with equal portions of self-deprecation. This is our license to hand it out."

He further assures Americans, "This can sometimes be perceived as nasty if the recipients aren’t used to it. It isn’t. It’s play fighting. It’s almost a sign of affection if we like you, and ego bursting if we don’t. You just have to know which one it is."

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