Every human being has their own unique beauty that cameras don't always capture.
One of the weirder things about being a human is that we rarely ever get to see our actual selves. Even if we look into a mirror, we're seeing a backward reflection, a reverse image, not what other people see. (Hence the popularity of the "true mirror," which sometimes makes people cry when they see what they really look like.)
Photos certainly don't help. All it takes is one bad angle, some off lighting, a distorting camera lens or an unflattering split-second facial expression to have us wondering, "OMG is that what I really look like?"
No, it's not. Because the truth is, beauty and body image messaging aside, we are all uniquely gorgeous in our own way and photos rarely captures our true essence. Some of that can't be helped, but there are ways we can get closer to that goal. After all, photographs of us will last long beyond our bodies, so wouldn't it be nice if we could confidently say to our descendants, "Yeah, that was me, in all my human glory"?
While a photograph will always fall short of the real you, here are some tips for making pictures that capture your best essence as much as possible, whether you're taking a selfie or someone else is behind the camera.
1. Relax.
Easier said than done, I know, but most of us tend to stiffen up for photos. Shake your body out. Roll your shoulders. It only takes a couple of seconds to consciously let go of the tension, and it can make a huge difference in how the camera captures you.
2. Think of something genuinely joyful.
If you need to smile for a photo, stop thinking about smiling, and just think of something that always makes you smile. Better yet, think of something hilarious to get yourself smile-laughing. The best smiles are real smiles, and real smiles aren't poses—they come from within.
Get silly if you have to.
Photo by Sherman Yang on Unsplash
3. Turn your head to the right.
It's hard enough to make a 3D face into a 2D image and do it justice, so might as well take advantage of all the little tricks to capture the best of our faces. Research shows that the left side of our faces is usually the more flattering side, so why not make the most of it? And this isn't just about looking better on the surface. The left cheek shows more emotion—or in other words, the realer you.
4. Lean in.
Not only does leaning forward create more flattering angles for the camera, it also draws people into your photo. There's some subtle psychology behind this advice, but it works. It makes your face the focal point of the picture, which is what you want.
Take lots of photos so you have lots to choose from.
Photo by Nguyễn Hiệp on Unsplash
5. Look with love—and light—in your eyes
Remember that when you look at the camera, you're not actually looking at a camera—you're looking at a person who will someday be looking at you. So take a second to picture them and look at them with love (not talking romantic love, here—human love, philia love, agape love). You'll be amazed at how much more real you appear in photos with this one simple mindset shift.
Also, try to make sure there's a light source in front of you, whether it's a window or a lamp, to catch the twinkle in your eye. We see people's eyes twinkle all the time in real life, but photos only capture that if there's a light source.
6. Take lots and lots of photos.
It's not vain to take lots of photos, it's smart, since you'll have a much greater chance of actually getting a pic that represents you if you take a bunch of them. Change poses and expressions in between takes. And don't be afraid to move around—we look better and more natural when we're in motion anyway.
7. Don't be afraid of editing
Too many people believe that editing a photograph somehow makes the photo less real. It's actually the opposite. The goal is to capture what our eyes see, but no camera captures exactly what our eyes see. Professional photographers almost always edit photos; in fact, it's a huge part of the art of photography. Even in the old pre-digital days of darkrooms, photographers used various techniques to adjust lighting and exposure as they processed their images, and photo retouching has been around since the mid-1800s.
Obviously, applying a totally unrealistic beauty filter to your face isn't the ideal here, but adjusting the exposure, brightness, warmth, etc. to make a photo look more like you and not you-in-bad-lighting is 100% okay. Just remember you are editing to make it feel more like you, not look less like the real you.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.