The Virginia shooter had a history of domestic violence. That's tragically ordinary.

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The shooting at a GOP congressional baseball practice on June 14 was allegedly carried out by a man with a history of violence.

Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images.

Specifically, violence against women.

Alleged shooter James T. Hodgkinson reportedly dragged his daughter out of a neighbor's house by her hair in 2006, according to The Washington Post. When she attempted to flee in a car, Hodgkinson broke in and attempted to cut her out of her seatbelt with a pocket knife.

This isn't extraordinary. In fact, it's tragically ordinary.

A 2015 New York Times report found that in 57% of mass shootings, current or former intimate partners or family members of the shooter were among the victims.

In incidents that don't involve partners or family — like in the recent attack on the Republican congressmen — the killer still frequently has a history of assault against a female partner or family member.

The kind of mass violence that devastates whole communities and rips apart the lives of strangers often begins at home. For the perpetrators of 12 of the most high-profile mass attacks between 2012 and 2017 around the globe, women were their first victims.

1. Esteban Santiago, who killed five at the Fort Lauderdale airport, was arrested the previous year for hitting and strangling his girlfriend.

Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

"Santiago verbally assaulted his then girlfriend, a 40-year old mother of one child from a previous marriage whom The Daily Beast is not naming, through a locked bathroom door, telling her to 'Get the fuck out, bitch.' After he forced his way in by breaking down the door, he smacked her in the head and strangled her." — The Daily Beast, Jan. 7, 2017

2. Omar Mateen, the Pulse nightclub shooter, allegedly attacked his wife numerous times, which prompted her to flee and file for divorce.

Photo by Gerardo Mora/Getty Images.

In Sitora Yusufiy's own words: "Once, he woke up to find me on the phone with my cousin and started kicking me. He threatened to kill me if I left him. Another time, I was asleep in front of the TV when he pulled me up by the hair and started slapping me, and then choking me until I gasped for air. He claimed it was because I hadn't done the laundry." — Marie Claire, Sept. 26, 2016

3. Mohamed Lahouaiej-Bouhlel, who murdered 86 people with a truck at a Bastille Day celebration in Nice, France, had been accused of spousal abuse.

Photo by Valery Hache/Getty Images.

"A woman who knows the family told the BBC Lahouaiej-Bouhlel had been thrown out of their home in the Le Ray area of Nice more than a year ago after allegedly beating his wife." — BBC, Aug. 19, 2016

4. Dallas cop-killer Micah Johnson was, allegedly, a serial harasser of fellow soldiers while in the military.

Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

"Superiors of Johnson accused the deceased murderer of 'egregious sexual harassment,' while he was serving deployment in Afghanistan. They recommended he receive a dishonorable discharge, but for reasons unknown to them, he left the military with an honorable discharge." — Salon, July 16, 2016

5. Cedric Ford, who killed three of his co-workers at a Kansas lawnmower factory in 2016, had recently been served a domestic violence order.

"The order, posted by the Wichita Eagle on its website, was sought by an unidentified woman who had been living with Ford and said he had been physically abusive. She wrote in the order that he was alcoholic, violent, depressed and in need of medical and psychological help." — Reuters, Feb. 27, 2016

6. Robert Lewis Dear, who murdered three outside a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic in 2015, was accused of abuse by two of his ex-wives and had been arrested and accused of rape.

Image by Handout/Getty Images.

"In the divorce papers, Micheau said Dear threw her around a room by her hair on one occasion and beat her head against the ground. In the affidavit, she said Dear 'erupts into fury in a matter of seconds,' and that she 'lived in fear and dread of his emotional and physical abuse.'" — The Washington Post, Dec. 1, 2015

7. John Houser, who killed two women at a screening of "Trainwreck" in 2015, was accused of "acts of family violence" by his wife, daughter, and others.

Photo by Yuri Gripas/Getty Images.

"Among those listed as wanting protection from Houser were his daughter's fiancé and future in-laws, as well as his wife's aunt. At the time, Houser's wife, Kellie, told police she was so concerned about his propensity for violence that she removed all the guns and weapons from their home." — CBS News, July 24, 2015

8. Ismaaiyl Brinsley first shot his ex-girlfriend before shooting and killing two New York police officers in 2014.

Photo by Jewel Samad/Getty Images.

"Baltimore County Police responded to a call at Brinsley's ex-girlfriend's home in the Baltimore suburb of Owings Mills, Maryland around 5:48 a.m. on Saturday. Brinsley had shot the 29-year-old woman in the stomach and fled, cops said." — CBS News, Dec. 21, 2014

9. Man Haron Monis, who took hostages in a deadly 2014 standoff in Sydney, Australia, had been charged with sexual assault dozens of times.

Photo by Daniel Munoz/Getty Images.

"A 27-year-old woman complained to police that she had been sexually assaulted by Monis, after attending 'spiritual healing sessions' in response to an advertisement placed in newspapers aimed at the Fijian-Indian, Macedonian, Spanish and Chinese communities." — Sydney Morning Herald, Dec. 16, 2014

10. Isla Vista killer Elliot Rodger wrote in his diary about splashing hot coffee on women who didn't pay enough attention to him.

Photo by Robyn Beck/Getty Images.

"Rodger wrote that he splashed two 'hot blonde girls' with his Starbucks latte at an Isla Vista bus stop after they 'didn't even deign to smile back' after he smiled at them." — CNN, May 27, 2014

12. Boston Marathon bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev was arrested for domestic violence four years before the attack.

Photo by Stan Honda/Getty Images.

"Police responding to the distress call said they arrived to find the couple in a car in front of the house. The officers say they approached Tsarnaev, who stepped out of the vehicle and told them the woman had been 'yelling at him because of another girl.' 'I asked the suspect if he had hit the victim, and he said "Yes, I slapped her,"' the Cambridge officer wrote in the report." — ABC News, April 22, 2013

12. Before killing three of his wife's co-workers in Wisconsin in 2012, Radcliffe Franklin Haughton had been exhibiting violent and controlling behavior toward his wife.

"A man suspected of opening fire at a Wisconsin salon where his wife worked, killing three women and wounding four others, had a history of domestic abuse and had been arrested for slashing his wife's tires a few weeks earlier, police said." — San Diego Union-Tribune, Oct. 22, 2012

It's time to take domestic violence seriously — both as a public and social health crisis.

Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

Attacks on intimate partners and family members have a nasty habit of leading to much, much worse.

In an age where mass shootings and terror attacks are proliferating, encourage your lawmakers and local law enforcement to enforce prohibitions against those convicted of domestic violence owning deadly firearms.

If someone you know is being abused, it may not benefit them to go to the police right away. Instead, experts recommend, ask the victim what they need, keep a journal of events, and when the time is right, help them create a safety plan where you can communicate discreetly.

You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help.

It might just save more than one life.

Correction 6/16/2017: The original share image for this post included a photograph of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, not Tamerlan Tsarnaev. The image has been updated to include a picture of Esteban Santiago in its place.

Levi Strauss Foundation

The Levi Strauss Foundation advances the human rights and well-being of underserved people in places where the company has a business presence

Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends

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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

Education

How embracing the 'Empty Boat Theory' can help you keep anger and anxiety in check

The classic Taoist parable has found new life on TikTok, but its core message stays the same.

empty boat theory, taoism, buddhism, psychology, mindset, anger, anxiety, self help, mindfulness

Photo credit: Canva

Ancient wisdom for the modern day.

We all have moments where it feels like the world is against us. When we assume people are thinking negatively about us, we act accordingly by becoming angry or anxious. Once that mindset latches on, it can be tough to let go.

But one simple Taoist parable-turned-viral-TikTok-hack offers a gentle yet powerful reminder that we are not the main character in everyone’s story.

What is the “Empty Boat Theory”?

@sean.of.the.living The “empty boat” theory has me brain spinning lately. This is a brain hack to staying in a happier mindset. #advice #emptyboat #lifehack ♬ original sound - sean.of.the.living

Think of it as a thought experiment. Imagine yourself on a boat in the middle of a lake, as another boat drifts towards you, threatening to knock right into you. The closer this incoming vessel gets, the angrier you become.

Then, at the last second, you steer your boat out from the path of collision, only to notice that the other boat is empty. What this really puts into perspective, as TikToker @sean.of.the.living put it, is “There was never anybody to be angry with in the first place.”

“That’s life, isn’t it?” he said. “We assume everything’s about us. ‘They’re just doing that to screw me, to piss me off.’”

“Most of the time, nobody’s thinking about you.”

The Empty Boat Parable

@aliabdaal The Empty Boat: A Lesson in Letting Go A man gets furious when another boat crashes into him, shouting and ready to fight. But when the fog clears, he sees the boat is empty. No one was steering, no harm was intended. His anger disappears. Most frustrations in life are just empty boats. People are dealing with their own struggles, not trying to hurt you. Next time you feel anger rising, ask yourself – am I just reacting to an empty boat?
♬ original sound - Ali Abdaal

However, long before it was a viral brain hack on TikTok, this story taught how much self-inflicted suffering comes simply from the stories we tell ourselves about other people's attitudes towards us.

As the parable goes, a young monk (or simply a young man, depending on which version you read) hops onto a boat in hopes of finding a quiet spot to meditate. Suddenly, he is bumped by another boat. Furious, the monk opens his eyes and lashes out at the person responsible for disrupting his flow. There is, however, no one to blame. The boat is empty. Knowing there's now no one to be mad at, truly, the man's anger instantly dissipates.

The core message is that sometimes a bump is just a bump. We need not assume malicious intent, and would be better equipped to handle life’s collision with grace if we didn’t.

The Spotlight Effect

@drjulie What are your thoughts on this? Let’s chat in the comments! #learnontiktok #socialanxiety #confidence #anxiety #mentalhealth #anxietey ♬ Emotional Piano Instrumental In E Minor - Tom Bailey Backing Tracks

Bringing it into therapy-speak, the Empty Boat Theory/Parable also relates to the spotlight effect, which is the tendency to wrongly believe that others are mentally scrutinizing us when, in fact, they are likely not thinking about us at all.

This bias is a symptom of egocentrism. You don’t have to be a full-blown narcissist to be egocentric. We all, from time to time, consider ourselves to be the center of the universe in some way. It’s part of being an individual! But without mindfulness, we can let our egos overestimate how many eyes are actually on us at any given time, which only leads to a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

Whether you wanna call it a brain hack, ancient wisdom, or a psychological principle, we could all benefit from reminding ourselves to really pick our battles. Easier said than done in today’s world, but vital nonetheless. Here's to hoping that being aware of all the empty boats out there will lead to smoother sailing for everyone.

And if you're wondering just who’s to blame for letting that rogue boat out to wreak havoc on the water…? Well, that’s a different conversation.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Hospice nurse reveals the 'one sign' that someone is going to pass away within four weeks

It's a very comforting experience.

death, dying, hospice, fear of dying, hospice nurse, mortality, aging, seniors, spirituality, visions, visioning

via Canva/Photos

A nurse explains how 'visioning' 3-4 weeks before death works.

A new video by a hospice nurse offers a compelling reason for people to feel comfortable facing the unknown. Julie McFadden, a hospice nurse, shares that when her patients are nearing death, they often have comforting visions. McFadden posts videos helping to demystify the dying process and bring comfort to people with a loved one in hospice care, or who may be dying themselves. Her profile reads, "Helping understand death to live better and die better." McFadden is also the author of the bestselling book, “Nothing to Fear.”

Hospice Nurse Julie has earned over half a million subscribers and has witnessed over a hundred deaths. In a recent video, she reveals that people are often comforted by friends and relatives who have passed away in their final days. She says that when people begin experiencing these visions, it’s a sign that they will be passing away within a few weeks. It's almost as if these loved ones are welcoming them to the other side.

"Here's one sign that someone is close to death that most people don't believe happens,” Julie begins the video.

A sign that someone is close to death

- YouTube youtu.be

"Usually, a few weeks to a month before someone dies, if they're on hospice, they will start seeing dead loved ones, dead relatives, dead pets. This happens so often that we actually put it in our educational packets that we give to patients and their families when they come on hospice so they aren't surprised or scared when it happens,” she continues.

The experience is called visioning; although no one knows how or why it happens, it’s common among all her patients. "We don't know why it happens, but we see it in definitely more than half of our patients," she continues.

People often believe that the visions are caused by a lack of oxygen to the brain. However, Julie says that isn’t true. “Because when it does happen, most people are alert and oriented and are at least a month from death, so they don't have low oxygen," she said.

Visioning is always a comforting experience

death, dying, hospice, fear of dying, hospice nurse, mortality, aging, seniors, spirituality, visions, visioning A terminally ill woman in her hospital bed. via Canva/Photos

It often involves relatives who 'come from the other side' to let them know everything will be okay and encourage them to let go and pass away. People also experience being taken on journeys with loved ones or having sensory experiences from the past, such as smelling their grandmother's perfume or their father’s cigar.

These visitors can also appear in groups. Patients might report the room feeling 'crowded', like they are being joined by many people at once. The interesting thing is that patients aren't afraid of the visions. In fact, they welcome them. They work towards making them feel comfortable as they transition out of life.

Medical professionals are unsure why visioning occurs

Christopher Kerr, the CEO of Hospice & Palliative Care, an organization that provides palliative care in Buffalo, New York, says that the relatives who often appear in these visions are those who protected and comforted the dying parent while they were alive. So, they may see a parent who nurtured them, but not one they feared.

Kerr has extensively studied the mysterious phenomena that occur when people die, but has no real explanation for why his patients experience visioning. “I have witnessed cases where what I was seeing was so profound, and the meaning for the patient was so clear and precise, that I almost felt like an intruder,” he told BBC Brazil. “And trying to decipher the etiology, the cause, seemed futile. I concluded that it was simply important to have reverence, that the fact that I could not explain the origin and process did not invalidate the experience for the patient.”

In a more in-depth video, Hospice Nurse Julie shares actual footage of a dying woman experiencing visioning. It's extremely powerful:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

It's comforting to know that for many, the final days of life may not be filled with pain and fear but instead with a sense of peace and joy. While we may never fully understand the reasons behind these mysterious visions, if they bring calm during such a daunting time, we can simply be grateful for their presence. They’re kind of like life, in general. In the end, we may not really know what it was all about, but we can be happy that it happened.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Gen X has been designated the 'worst grandparents.' Sadly, their explanation makes sense.

The latch-key generation doesn't hate their family, they're burnt out.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen Z

Photo credit: Canva

Gen X designated the 'worst grandparents' by Millennials

Generation X, typically the children of Baby Boomers born between the years of 1965-1980 tend to have a complicated reputation depending on who you ask. Some view them as a feral generation never to be spoken of poorly without consequence, while others view them as innovators pushing us into the future. But in recent years, Gen Xers have been dubbed the "worst grandparents" by social media users.

This multi-year conversation started when a video went viral calling Gen X out for being "terrible" grandparents, claiming that they never want to help with grandchildren. It didn't take long before other Millennials piled on to air their own grievances about Gen X grandparents. Most people criticizing the "new grandparents" were genuinely perplexed as to how they did not want to be more involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen Z Family baking fun in the kitchen.Photo credit: Canva

Kylie Muse reveals in a video that she felt neglected by her Gen X parents growing up, saying, "It's quite a common theme for Gen X parents to be neglectful in some capacity and it's just crazy to me how more of them haven't learned from the past 20 to 30 years, instead of these grandparents seeing their kids having kids as an opportunity to restore the health in their relationships with their kids by showing up and helping them during the hardest transition of their lives, they would rather double down and compromise their relationship with that next generation. All for the sake of hyper-individualism and pride."

@kylies.muse
Gen x grandparents and their beloved empty nest 🥴 just say you hate having a family 😭 #grandparents #grandparentsoftiktok

The critique coming from the younger generation is not lost on Gen X, and they started coming out in force to respond with such vigor you'd think John Hughes had just announced the re-release of The Breakfast Club. It would seem that some of the people complaining of the lack of involvement have not considered that Gen X could have valid reasons for not immediately jumping in to take on grandparenting in the way some expect. A man by the name of John S. Blake gives a candid look into why Gen X was neglected as children and, in turn, became hype-independent at an early age.

"As a Gen X who's been on this earth long enough to have some hindsight I can tell you this, being independent at a young age is not a flex, what it actually means is capitalism is so brutal that our parents were forced to neglect their own children to stay alive. My generation was struggling so much that we had to leave our children unattended in order to produce enough so that we could afford to exist," Blake says.

@blackfluidpoet
Replying to @ellens0061 #foryoupage #homealone #fyp #foryou

But perhaps one of the most heart wrenching explanations comes from an elder Millennial who goes by the name Amazing Dea. In response to another Millennial who asks about Gen X being let off the hook, Dea shares, "Being as though you look like you might be a younger Millennial, let me go ahead and enlighten you. Generation X and older Millennials had to live through more than just this pandemic. We had the crack epidemic, we had the AIDS epidemic and let me tell you something, it was scary as f***."

Dea went on to explain that there were apartment complexes burned due to high populations of people with AIDS living in them and how they would witness people go from being completely normal to being addicted to crack in a matter of weeks. It seems that depending on socioeconomic status, Gen Xers lived wildly different lives with the common theme being growing up entirely too fast at an extremely young age.

Three generations smiling by the sea.Photo credit: Canva

Another person kindly breaks down the confusion over why Gen X isn't rising to the occasion of being award-winning grandparents. In response to the criticism she replies, "We grew up in a different time, first of all. A lot of us, meaning me, Gen X, I was raised by boomers. A lot of us did not get raised by our grandparents. We were like the feral kids, like by 7 and 9 years old we were actually babysitting our brothers and sisters, alright."

The woman explains further in the video that Gen X doesn't want to raise their grandchildren or simply be babysitters, that there's a difference between expecting grandparents to be involved and expecting them to be babysitters.

@that1crazy72
Let’s take it a step further. You share DNA with your grandkids they are part of you not everyone gets the privilege of being a grandparent so if you are one take that as a blessing #genxgrandparents

In many of the response videos shared by Gen Xers, they certainly seem to love their grandchildren and children alike, but there's a discrepancy in expectation. The consensus of the forgotten generation seems to be that they had adult responsibilities much too early, were exposed to adult life experiences at a young age, and were often left to their own devices for long periods of time while also being told that their voices didn't matter.

While the argument seems to be around their lack of involvement as grandparents, they appear to be saying that they want to enjoy the freedom they didn't have as children, while being valued as a person and not a babysitter. In many follow up videos, Gen Xers gushed over their grandchildren and how they loved when they were around. It's just that they draw the line at raising them. Maybe for some, their experiences with their own childhood isn't enough to move Gen X out of the "worst grandparents" category, but for others it provides much needed context.

This article originally appeared in June.

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'Adults' are honestly confused by these 15 strange things the younger generations do

What's with the Dad Socks?

gen z, gen alpha, generations, generational differences, gen x, boomers, millennials, millennial parents, kids, teens

via Anna Shvets/Pexels

Adults are having a really hard time keeping up with the interests of Gen Z and Gen Alpha

When it comes to young people, every generation is different from the one that precedes it. It makes sense. Every group grows up in different economic, cultural, and technological circumstances, so of course they’re going to have different tastes and values. It’s also natural for younger generations to rebel against their parents and create their own unique identities.

These days, however, with the rapid changes in technology and culture spurred on by the Internet, some older people (Baby Boomers, Gen X) think the younger generations (Millennials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha) are downright confusing. Further, Gen Z and Gen Alpha were raised during the pandemic, the #MeToo movement, and the murder of George Floyd, which have had an enormous impact on how they see the world.

kids, generations, boomers, gen x, millennials, gen z, gen alpha A grandpa with his grandsons on their smartphones. Canva Photos

To help the older folks who may be confused by “kids these days” feel less alone, a Redditor named 5h0gKur4C4ndl posed a question to the AskReddit subforum, “What is something about the newer generations that you can't seem to understand?”

A lot of the responses were centered around the younger generations’ relationship to technology.

The older generations also seem concerned that younger kids are a lot more prudish than their parents, and should learn how to lighten up and have some fun—a big role reversal from previous generational wars.

Here are 15 things about the younger generations that older people just don’t understand.

1. Recording yourself crying

woman, young woman, crying, smartphone, recording yourself crying Young woman crying while holding her phone.Canva Photos

For many younger people, everything is "content." Even their most intimate and private moments.

"THIS IS THE ONE. I do not know how intense your desire for external validation has to be for you to be in the midst of crying and think 'Lights, camera, action baby let's make sure as many people see this as possible.'" — Thrillmouse

"People who record themselves crying are already weird but posting it on the internet is weirder. imagine clicking 'post' to every social media they have. do they seriously not look at what they're posting online?" — TryContent4093

2. Poor grammar

AI and automatic grammar checkers may be taking a toll on young people's ability to write for themselves.

"The emails I get from my students aged 18-25 are such a mess of incoherent garbage, I can't tell if they are lazy or if it's an actual literacy issue. And I'm barely older than they are so if this is a generational gap, it happened quickly!" — NefariousSalmander

"It's a block of text with no capitalization or punctuation. Imagine receiving 6 consecutive one-line texts at once. If you can figure out where the periods should go then you can make sense of it, but it's all texting abbreviations and slang. Something like, 'yo mr y u slow fixin my grade I trned in the lab last class my dad gonna take my phone lmk.'" — Ceesa

3. Learned helplessness

"I'm a middle school teacher. My kids will routinely claim they can't do anything and then shut down and do nothing. And then... It's easy and they do it. So basically it's the degree of learned helplessness. They know to ask when I go over, but if there are twenty kids and I get to them last, they will do nothing (no phones, nothing!) for twenty minutes and act surprised I'm irritated they didn't grab a damn pencil from the freeeee pencils on my desk. And then act surprised they're behind on the assignment!" — Scarletuba

4. The Internet is forever

Pro tip: Never participate in one of those TikTok "street interviews" after you've had a few drinks.

"The lack of understanding that things put on the internet are public forever." — Leading_Screen_4216

5. No self-confidence

boy, shy, teen, young person, hiding, self confidence Boy with his head in his hands.Canva Photos

"37-year-old attending college for the first time here. They have negative confidence. They barely speak above a mumble, especially when answering a question from the teacher. Most of them would rather die than talk to someone they're interested in. It's like 90% of them are cripplingly introverted." — Intelligent-Mud1437

6. They need attention

Social media "Influencer" and "YouTuber" are highly sought after career paths because of the fame and notoriety they bring.

"We were saying what we would do if we won the big lottery jackpot. The new 22-year-old hire said he’d become an influencer. Can you imagine winning a billion at 22 and that’s what you would do? Not start a business, travel the world, charity, sports, property… Learn something… but become an influencer… with a billion dollars. I mean, like, he’s gonna hire a marketing company to fabricate interest in his social media? He’s gonna spend money on stupid things to make people cringe or rage comment? With a billion dollars." — Covercall

7. Put your phone down

"Why do you want to watch 100% of a concert, that you paid good money for, through your phone lens?" — LeluWater

"I was yesterday in a Linkin Park cover band concert, a fuckin blast. There was that one guy, that spent every song recording HIS FACE 'singing' along. Not the band, his face. Please wake me up in 1995." — pls_tell_me

The older generations are right about this one. Recording an experience actively worsens your enjoyment of it in the moment.

8. Phone at the movies

"Why do they go to the movies only to scroll through their phone the entire time?" — IAmASurgeonDoctorHan

"My wife does this. Not at the theater, but we'll be watching a movie or TV show, and she'll be glued to her phone. Then when she looks up she doesn't get what's going on and we have to pause while I explain what just happened and why." — Project2R

Anyone who's fluent in smartphones can get caught up in this one. It's tough to get through a whole movie or show at home without checking your phone! We're all addicted.

9. Paranoia

"I’m in my forties and I manage a small group of people who are in their 20s to early thirties. What I notice most is how anxious and fearful they seem to be. Everyone is out to get them. I often get approached by subordinates who want me to do something about a colleague who is doing them wrong in some way. After I gather more information, it almost always is a case of poor assumption about someone else’s intentions, coupled with a desire to jump to the worst-case scenario. If I ask them a series of probing questions about other possible interpretations they often admit they didn’t consider those possibilities." — Reasonable_Human55

10. Putting on airs

"Comparison is the thief of joy." Only, young people who were raised on social media didn't get the memo.

"I don't understand why most of them want to look rich with expensive s**t and most of them act like they run businesses or something. They take pictures with cars that are not theirs for example. Dude chill, you're 16." — Honest_Math7760

"Because they are indoctrinated by social media that tells them they are a failed human if they don’t become a multi-millionaire entrepreneur." — Outrageous_Glove_467

11. The new Puritans

puritan, painting, gen z, values, morals "A Fair Puritan" by E. Percy Moran, 1897.Canva Photos

It's weird for Gen Xers and Millennials to be old enough to witness the cultural pendulum swinging back the other way in several key ways.

"This weird new Puritan wave they are riding on. We struggled for generations to free ourselves from oppressive dogmas, and now they are all-in on the whole: 'if you like anything even remotely non-wholesome, you should be arrested and burn in hell.' ... Constantly calling for bans on anything that upsets them, instead of learning how to avoid the things that upset them." — SleepyCera

"The prudishness is so weird to me. Hearing young people talk about body counts' and how you should be married with kids by the age of 25, or you’re past your prime is absolutely insane. Even my Christian grandparents weren’t as sexually conservative as this generation. The complete demonization of partying, drinking, and going out is weird too—like I can see being traumatized by fentanyl and the general lack of safety around drugs, but I did most of my socializing as a young person by going to concerts and nightlife events and meeting people, and they seem to just…not do anything social?" — Counterboudd

12. Can't handle stress

"The absolute lack of capacity to deal with any emotional stress or upheaval without turning into a gibbering mess. ...I had someone messing around in a lecture, playing with their phone and being disruptive. I stopped the lecture and told them to put it away and pay attention or leave. They looked SHOCKED to have been called out and sat there quietly for the next 10-15 minutes until suddenly going all 'deer in the headlights' when asked a question in relation to the topic and then running the full length of the lecture hall and out the room. I was informed the following day that the student had went to counseling services to complain that I had 'put unreasonable pressure on him by asking him questions in class, and set off his anxiety.'" — Indiana_Harris

13. White socks with sneakers

"How pulling up white socks with sneakers was the most unfashionable middle-aged American dad clothing in the entire world. To being fashionable." — Awkward_Moments

"Socks with sandals too. And mustaches. Kids today think dressing like a dorky dad thirty years ago is cool. I laugh at them all the time." — IDigRollingRockBeer

14. Watching video games

It is impossible for anyone over the age of 30 to understand "streamer" culture.

"Why they'd rather watch someone else play a video game than play it themselves. That was a punishment when I was a kid, not entertainment." — DeadDevilMonkey

15. External stimulation

kids, distracted, external stimulation, technology, young people Kids glued to their phones.Canva Photos

"Will never understand the constant need for external stimulation. I’m quite happy just to ponder my own thoughts. I love flying, because it gives me several hours to think on shit without distraction. Ask young people to put down their phone? It’s as if you asked them to chop off their left hand." — Midnight_Poet

Though older generations definitely have a lot of legitimate concerns about younger folks, much of the list was created in jest. In reality, there's a lot to like about Gen Z and Gen Alpha because they have a lot of fantastic qualities. For example, Gen Z is really driving change when it comes to work life balance. They refuse to make their career their whole life, thus avoiding getting sucked into the same trap as previous generations. They're also, as a group, much more inclusive. They can also be extremely creative and willing to take big risks to achieve their dreams and get ahead in an economy that's stacked against them.

So cheers to you, young people. We only tease because we love you.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Pets

Shelter dog doesn't know what to do with her first toy but melts when offered affection

The stray pup's smelly, itchy skin condition didn't stop Rocky Kanaka from scooping the sweet girl into his arms.

shelter dog, rescue dog, rocky kanaka, pets, dogs, stray dog

Rocky Kanaka/YouTube (used with permission)

Katie had a rough start in life and clearly wasn't used to being loved.

If you're an animal lover and unfamiliar with Rocky Kanaka, you're in for a treat. Watching Kanaka sit with shelter dogs, helping them feel safe with humans through patient effort and palpable compassion, is always a hopeful experience in the end. But the beginning is often rough, as the dogs he meets with may have been through all manner of abuse and neglect.

When Kanaka first met Katie, a scruffy beige Australian Shepherd mix, he thought she was a senior dog. As it turned out, the shelter pup was only about a year old. She had just been found by a good samaritan as a stray, her fur and skin in terrible shape, her paws swollen, and her spirit muted. She didn't even want to look at Kanaka when he first entered the kennel to sit with her.

That all changed as he took the time to sit with her and earn her trust. Kanaka has gained a huge following on YouTube and his way with vulnerable dogs is truly inspiring. He brings his own home-baked treats and a huge amount of patience and compassion, helping abandoned animals learn that humans can be kind and caring companions.

- YouTube youtu.be

Katie is one of many dogs Kanaka has visited, and her behavior in the kennel showed him that she hadn't had much of a chance in her short life to learn how to be a dog.

"Introducing toys to Katie was its own adventure," Kanaka wrote. "I mean, you’d think a toy is just a toy, but for Katie, it was like I’d brought a puzzle from another planet. First up was the unicorn toy, all colorful and plush. To me, it screamed fun, but to Katie, it was a head-scratcher. She eyed it like it was going to come alive any second. Honestly, watching her try to figure it out was both heartwarming and a bit funny. It was a reminder that she hadn’t had the chance to just be a dog, to play without a care in the world."

He tried a squeaky toy, which she also didn't know what to do with and found overwhelming after a few squeaks. She took Kanaka's treats, but not immediately and not in the way a dog who understands the concept of treats would.

But throughout the video, the stray pup responded to Kanaka's affection and love by melting right into it. She even wanted to sit in his lap toward the end, but didn't seem to know how. Kanaka scooped her up, despite the foul smell her skin condition created, and it's clear that this pupper just loves being loved.

shelter dog, rescue dog, rocky kanaka, pets, dogs, stray dog Katie's skin condition made it hard to attract a rescuer. Courtesy of rockykanaka.com

It's hard for animals with obvious health issues, especially something as visible as a skin condition that makes them look and smell bad, to attract people looking to adopt. But by taking half an hour to get to know her, Kanaka helped us all look past all that and see Katie's sweet spirit shine through.

So many people fell head over heels for Katie through this video:

"OMG, The person who gets her will have the best dog as she is so obviously starved for affection and so willing to give it back ten fold."

"That dog doesn't have an aggressive bone in her body. She was instantly ready for you to pet her."

Her little tail wag broke my heart for what’s she’s been through but also lifted my spirits that she has a strength to survive and become a loved family member."

"It's shocking how neglected she looks but her desire to be loved is so strong. She's going to bring such joy to her forever home."

shelter dog, rescue dog, rocky kanaka, pets, dogs, stray dog Katie's potential for love is so clear. Couresty of rockykanaka.com

"I consider myself somewhat of a tough guy.... I'm from the streets, had a crazy hard life, i did 9 yrs in prison, seen it all, done it all and ain't scared of nothing... I'm telling you that because in spite all that, when i see videos like this, i start crying like a 5 yr old girl...Goes to show you that what life has done to them, we can relate, and we see it in animals that have been hurt by others and part if me wants to knock out someone that would hurt a dog or kitty like that. Animals bring out the love and compassion we've forgotten because we know they're teaching us what we definitely need to learn. What is truly considered, unconditional love...."

Not long after this video aired, Katie was rescued and will hopefully continue to get the tender care and kindness she deserves. Rocky Kanaka's work with dogs is both inspiring and informative, and he's succeeded in helping so many dogs find forever homes instead of languishing in shelters because they don't make the best first impression.

Kanaka has also started a dog rescue coffee farm in Southern California because, as he says, "Nothing's better than dogs and coffee." Isn't that the truth?

- YouTube youtu.be

You can read Katie's full story on Kanaka's website here. You can also follow Rocky Kanaka's channels on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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