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Xennial parents share how they're healing generational parenting wounds with their own kids

"I tell my son 'I love you' more times in a day than my father said that to me my entire life."

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Xennial parents discuss how they parent differently than their Boomer and Gen X parents.

Xennials are those born from 1977 to 1983, and sandwiched between Gen X and Millennials. Xennials grew up with Boomer or older Gen X parents who they claim may have led with harshness (and some toxic parenting traits) that they are trying to correct.

In a Reddit Xennial forum, member @Montawked shared: "My 8 [year-old] didn't brush her teeth last night, so there was no dessert tonight. I warned her yesterday, natural consequences and all, but she made her choice. Tonight she is bawling about it," she wrote.

She continued to share, "I said, 'I know you're upset, but is this something to cry about?' My inner voice said, 'I'll give you something to cry about' WHOA. HOLD UP. Subconscious messaging from my boomer parents popping in! I would NEVER say this to my kids. Wtf were they thinking? Shared with my hubby, and he said his folks said that and 'I brought you into this world....' Cheers to us breaking the cycle."

The poignant moment touched other Xennial parents who resonated with her on how they are healing generational parenting wounds in their own families, and inspired conversation between them about their experiences. These are 15 of the most compelling responses from Xennial parents.

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"My kids recently saw spanking of children in a movie and were really confused, I had to explain it and they thought it was a wild concept." —@miuzzo

"I tell my son 'I love you' more times in a day than my father said that to me my entire life." —@andy_nony_mouse

"My kids KNOW they’re safe with me, they know I’ll always have their back. I can’t recall ever having that feeling of safety as a child." —@HeslopDC

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"My mom said both. When my dad used the 'I brought you into this world line', you would think he drop kicked a puppy. Suddenly she was quizzing him on our birthdays and how long every delivery took and trying to get him to even be able to say what hospital we were born in. My dad was at all of our births. He drove. He was there the whole time. He’s him, and he couldn’t even remember what planet it was on, let alone what hospital. After he ran away because he couldn’t answer even what order we were born in, she looked at us and said 'never let anyone take your story from you. It’s yours. You’re mine. You’re my story. You’re part of his story, you ARE my Story.' And that was it. Every time someone says their father said it, I remember that moment. I can’t imagine any other father having the audacity to say they brought anyone into the world — they didn’t. The woman did." —@TangledUpPuppeteer

"My dad never said that but he did say 'your mother should have eaten you while your bones were still soft.' Which I always found hilarious." —@geriatric_tatertot

"I definitely got the 'something to cry about' bit from my dad, which usually did include the ass whooping it implied. My mom would occasionally go for wordplay, like if I was asking for a pop she might raise a fist and say 'give you a pop alright!' but with her it was always just a joke." —@Fackrid

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"I think 'something to cry about' was my dad too, and mom would say 'wait til your dad gets home' although she also spanked us if she had a paddle for it. She used her hand sometimes too but “couldn’t do it hard enough” then." —@PrismInTheDark

"My mom said both to me along with telling me that's what she had me for when I complained about having to empty her ashtray. It's amazing she doesn't understand why we aren't close." —@SuspiciousCranberry6

"I was going to knocked into next week. We actually played a game where my older sister knocked me into next week and I would pretend to be all confused." —@idontknowhowaboutyou

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"My mom used to say 'you’re cruisin for a bruisin'." —@Holmes221bBSt

"My kid is being raised very very differently than how I was." —@sidvictorious

"Having kids, that whole line 'this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.' Oh that is so not true, that’s not how anger works. I get wound up too. Time out is as much for them as it is for me." —@gnrlgumby

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"Don’t forget 'because I said so!' I’m staying away from that one and actually explaining the 'why.' Works so much better." —@esmerelda_b

"My brain still recites the stuff I heard as a child but I would never say it to my own kids. I’m revolted at even hearing my inner voice say it. I heard that the first thought you have is based on your conditioning and the follow up thought is who you really are. This resonates with me. The conditioning is hard core." —@HeslopDC

"I struggle with this too. My youngest also has some emotional reactions that my wife and I find to be extreme relative to their stimulus. Crying over Fortnite. Crying over being asked some questions. Crying over every little thing. It is exhausting as a parent. I try to to carefully say, 'it's okay to cry, but is this really something that we need to be this upset about'? I hope I am finding the right balance compared the belt-to-ass up ringing I got." —@Rockdad37

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Nate Bargatze brilliantly explains what Xennials are and why they feel caught between generations

Somewhere between GenX and Millennials is a generation all its own.

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Never heard of Xennials before? You're not alone! It just so happens, the term Xennial first appeared in an article for GOOD Magazine by writers Sarah Stankorb (who coined the term) and Jed Oelbaum. It was described as "a micro-generation that serves as a bridge between the disaffection of Gen X and the blithe optimism of Millennials." Other unique terms have come to describe this group (roughly figured to have been born between 1977-1983.)

These include The Star Wars Generation, The Oregon Trail Generation, and Generation Catalano, (the latter suggested by Slate writer Doree Shafrir in reference to Jordan Catalano on the hit 90s TV show My So-Called Life.) In @sourcomedy's clip making the rounds on Tiktok, Nate gives us the reasons Xennials are truly awesome. Here are a few hilarious takeaways from Nate's bit on the topic:

Growing up as a young kid felt safe.

boy holding on swing bench Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash


"When I was a kid, it felt like the 50s. You'd go outside and your parents just didn't know where you were. We went to school to school and played Oregon Trail on a computer at school! No one had a computer at home - it's like what are you a Zillionaire?"

They still had privacy.


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While Nate shares he got AOL, a home computer, a beeper and a cell phone in high school, he didn't have social media until he was 26 with Myspace.

"Whatever I did in high school is a rumor. It can't ruin my life!"

You are equally impressed and disappointed by other generations.


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On a hotel stay, the Chromecast on his TV stopped working so he called the front desk. "The oldest voice I ever heard answers the phone. This guy was a Civil War survivor. I mean, he was the age where you just go 'Thank you for your service.' So I tell him my Chromecast is not working and I could have just made up a word. I mean, he's never heard of that. I could have said 'My beep bop broke.' He goes, 'Look, I don't know what this is. But there's a younger guy, I'm gonna send him up, he'll be able to help you."

A guy shows up, Nate muses, and he's "his dad's age." Nate immediately determines that if he can't fix it, this guy can't either. "But he's the generation that still wants to give it a try. So he comes into my room, sits on my bed, just a little too far back, I thought."

He then says the guy grabbed the remote and just started pressing everything. Nate suggests, "I'm gonna turn the shower on, open a window, let's try everything!"

The "pressing all the buttons" tactic shockingly doesn't work. Nate shares that the guy finally says, "Alright, there's a younger guy. He's about to come to work. And at this point, I'm like 'I'm the younger guy, man. It's alright dude, I don't need it.' And he goes, 'No, no, no, it's a Millennial." And I was like 'Alright, now we're getting somewhere. This is what the Millennial does. He was born with technology, he's gonna know how to fix this!"

So the guy says the Millennial will arrive to work in an hour. And Nate tells us, "Let me tell you. You know how quick that Millennial fixed it? Well, I'll never know because he just didn't come to work that night."

And guess who relayed this message. "I found out because the old guy called me. He was supposed to fill in for him. He was furious, dude. He hates that Millennial. He goes 'He never comes to work. He doesn't take it serious. He's got a peanut allergy.'"

In the end, it took a Xennial to figure it out. "I ended up fixing it myself, because it was just unplugged. So that's yeah…that's my fault."

This article originally appeared in February

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Chart explaining why Gen Z should be divided into '1.0' and '2.0' sparks generational debate

There's one thing that makes them very different.

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Gen Z 1.0 and Gen Z 2.0

Eleven years ago, there was a generational split where people born between 1977 and 1983, the cusp between Gen X and Millennials, abandoned their generations and rebranded themselves as Xennials. In 2014, writers Sarah Stankorb and Jed Oelbaum referred to them as "a micro-generation that serves as a bridge between the disaffection of Gen X and the blithe optimism of Millennials,” they wrote in GOOD.

Now, writer Rachel Janfaza has proposed another split. She believes that Gen Z (those born between 1997 and 2012) should be divided into halves: Gen Z 1.0 and Gen Z 2.0. Janfaza is an associate writer for CNN Politics in Washington, D.C., covering youth political culture and everything related to young voters in the U.S. Her theory is simple: the generation should be divided between those who graduated high school pre-COVID (Gen Z 1.0) and those who graduated after (Gen Z 2.0).

Janfaza shared her thoughts on X, highlighting the different attributes of each half-generation in terms of technology, social media, and politics.


What’s the difference between Gen Z 1.0 and Gen Z 2.0?

According to Janfaza, Gen Z 1.0 had flip phones before iPhones and grew up with Instagram but without TikTok. Politically, they were influenced by liberal political activism, which included the March for Our Lives, Climate Strikes, and Black Lives Matter Protests. The younger half of the generation, Gen Z 2.0, lived a different life heavily influenced by smartphones, TikTok, and the aftermath of the pandemic, in which a right-wing counter-culture developed.

The older members of Gen Z explained the split to their younger cohorts citing various factors:


How did the COVID-19 pandemic affect Gen Z?

There was universal agreement that the dividing line was between those who graduated high school pre- and post-COVID. Gen Zers who were still in elementary, middle, or high school during the pandemic suffered from a sharp increase in depression and anxiety. In the aftermath of the pandemic, 84% of schools agreed or strongly agreed that students’ behavioral development had been negatively impacted. This puts the dividing line between Gen Z 1.0 and 2.0 right around those born in 2003.


Some see the generational split as a time when online behavior jumped into hyper speed with young people gaining access to smartphones and TikTok.


It’s safe to say that the saddest members of Gen Z are those who graduated high school in 2020 and saw the senior year that they worked so hard to get to blow up in smoke. Many missed out on graduation ceremonies and proms and getting to give their school a proper send-off. They also entered their careers or college on very uneasy footing.


Janfaza’s Gen Z 1.0 versus 2.0 breakdown takes into effect a lot of significant technological, cultural, and political developments that helped shape a generation of people. However, Big Ellie's Single Braid on X may have found another, more critical division line between Gen Zers.

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