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Dad takes 7-week paternity leave after his second child is born and is stunned by the results

"These past seven weeks really opened up my eyes on how the household has actually ran, and 110% of that is because of my wife."

@ustheremingtons/TikTok

There's a lot to be gleaned from this.


Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone…while also tending to a newborn.

All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties. Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Democracy!

TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.”

This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear—his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use.

“It's unfortunately the end of my maternity —ahem— paternity leave,” Remington quips at the beginning of his video, via voiceover. “I only joke because my wife is truly the man of the house. And call me what you want, but I am totally okay with that.”

He then shares that after getting to spend quality time with his family to create precious memories—losing track of time to “watch ants cross the sidewalk,” for instance—he feels “guilty” about not doing so with their firstborn.

“[It] made me realize how many of those small moments I missed out the first time, but I'm looking past that guilt and grateful that I had some time to make it up,” he says.

You’ll notice that during this entire video, Remington is also doing chores. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, wiping the countertops…you get the picture.

@ustheremingtons I (caleb) am getting ready to go back into work and i am not ready. Grateful for my four weeks plus 3 weeks of PTO, but i feel like we were just getting into a groove and i was finally getting to have some 1 on 1 time with my son. Picking up the house today because we all function better with a clean space and we haven’t had time to do much of it while surviving these past 7 weeks. I do work from home and find that I have a little more flexibility in helping out here and there but i am also pretty glued and have to be zoned in during work hours. I do however have some pretty awesome and understanding coworkers and company!Shout out to @SAMBAZON Açaí 👊 Tiff is an all star: working and stay at home mom. I am dedicated in doing better to help balance more of the domestic responsibilities. #paternityleave #dadtok #dadsover30 #dadlife #fyp #foryoupage #ditl #ditlvlog #maternityleave #newbornlife #newbornbaby #secondbaby #2under2 #toddlerlife ♬ original sound - Tiffany + Caleb

Why is he doing this? His wife, aka “the lady with the milk bags,” has been so stressed with the house being messy that Remington decided to focus on doing all the housecleaning so that she could spend time with the kids.

Doing a fair share of the domestic labor is something Remington admits to failing at their first time around. Spending seven weeks taking on more responsibilities, however, opened his eyes to the fact that what he previously saw as doing his “fair share” was actually doing “the bare minimum.”

“It has taken multiple conversations — and many ongoing ones — to truly master how to take on more of the mental load of raising children, growing our marriage and taking care of our investments like our home.”

Proof that having difficult conversations can lead to better understanding!

Lastly, Remington reflects on how the emotional turbulence of being new parents challenged his relationship, even though he and his wife were good communicators and aware of how much effort would be required.

“I honestly hated how much we fought, how much I felt misunderstood, and how much I misunderstood her…so now as second-time parents, I feel like we're a little bit more prepared. Prepared in how we talk to each other, prepared in how I balance work, life, and personal life, and prepared to just let things go,” he says.

Definitely valuable insights for anyone navigating baby number one. Or number five, for that matter.

Remington’s story stands as a great example of just how beneficial paternity leave can be. It offers priceless bonding time, an equal balance of responsibilities, and more time for much needed reflection as parents begin a pivotal new chapter in their lives.


This article originally appeared on 9.7.23

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parenting
Parenting

New mom vents frustration over American maternity leave in comparison to the rest of the world

"The people who decided that it is okay to leave an infant at a daycare at 6 weeks old? Jail."

Anna Gantt|TikTok

New mom vents over American maternity leave.

Have you ever tried giving birth? It's not for the weak. In fact, the entire process leading up to birthing an entire human out of your body isn't for the weak. Being pregnant changes and stretches parts of your body you didn't know existed. Even the volume of blood that pumps through your heart increases.

Your joints loosen, your hips spread and for some reason, your nose and lips can spread, too. And even though your nose looks big enough to stick your fist into, you can't breathe through it efficiently. Pregnancy is a lot. But birth, whether vaginally or via cesarean is like running a marathon with little to no training. Then come the hormones, sleep deprivation and healing.

But if you're working in America when you happen to go through that life-changing experience, you can hang up any thoughts of having adequate time to heal and bond with your baby. In many instances, you've got six weeks—and those weeks may or may not be paid. (The U.S. is one of the only countries that doesn't federally guarantee paid maternity leave, and most states don't mandate paid maternity leave, either.)

Anna Gantt uploaded a video to TikTok expressing her frustration at America's maternity leave policies. In her video, Gantt is walking her dog and her newborn child in disbelief that new moms generally get six weeks of paid maternity leave in the United States when other countries get up to 18 months.

"I live in Georgia, in the United States, and it's not legal to separate a puppy or a kitten from its mother until they are 8 weeks old," Gantt vents. "So how, how is it okay to leave a human at 6 weeks old? My body is not even healed. I just now can go on a walk with my dog and my infant."

She makes some pretty good points. Humans who birth babies aren't cleared to return to normal light activities until a minimum of six weeks but it can be longer if you have complications. Maybe it's time for the United States to address its maternity leave issue.

Watch her entire video below:

@annavgantt

American maternity leave is actually insane…… because WHO decided six weeks was even close to acceptable for an infant and mom to be seperated? WTF #maternityleave #fyp #fypシ

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maternity leave
Family

American mom living in Germany lists postpartum support and women are gobsmacked

“Every video you make gets me closer to actually moving to Germany.”

Aly TikTok Screenshots

U.S. mom living in Germany shares postpartum support she received.

Having a baby is not an easy feat no matter which way they come out. The pregnant person is either laboring for hours and then pushing for what feels like even more hours, or they're getting cut from hip to hip to bring about their bundle of joy. (Unless you're one of those lucky—or rather not-so-lucky—folks who get to labor for hours only to still end up in surgery.)

Giving birth is hard and healing afterward can feel dang near impossible, especially given that most states in the U.S. only offer six weeks of maternity leave and it's typically unpaid. But did you know that not everyone has that experience?

A mom who had her first child in the U.S. before meeting her current husband and relocating to Germany is shedding light on postpartum care in her new country. The stark contrast is beyond shocking to women living in the U.S. and she's got a few considering crossing the ocean for a better quality of life.

Aly, whose TikTok username is @usa.mom.in.germany, took to the platform to explain the resources provided to postpartum moms provided completely free. "Daily in-home visits with a nurse-midwife to check on me and the baby, up to three years parental leave while my job is protected, mental health therapy appointments every other week," Aly recounted.

Wow. Just those few things are beyond impressive, especially given that they're free, but she wasn't done. The list seemed neverending and people who live in the U.S. had some feelings about it.

“Every video you make gets me closer to actually moving to Germany,” one woman said.

Another wrote, "Why did this make me sob. It feels like I was robbed of the early years living with my babies in the US."

"Sobbing as I'm currently pregnant with my second, and I need a break to love my kids the way they deserve," one mom shared.

Honestly, I relate. My third child spent the first six months of his life in an airplane hangar because I had to return to work, still swollen from my c-section, and my husband was out of paternity leave. We had to work opposite shifts to make it work and the hour overlap meant my son got to watch F-15s take off wearing noise-canceling earphones much too big for his tiny baby head. Not the ideal situation, but who knew there was another way?

Germany, apparently. They seem to have some things figured out over there. See for yourself below:

@usa.mom.in.germany

Postpartum Resources as a U.S. American 🇺🇸 in Germany 🇩🇪 In the wake of the news of Lindsay Clancy, it becomes overwhelmingly obvious how many of these resources are unavailable in the USA. We need so much more for postpartum mothers. #livingingermany #germanyvsusa #postpartum #lindsayclansy

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postpartum care
Family

Sweden's parental leave laws have revolutionized the lives of moms.

Science doesn't lie. Moms need help.

It turns out mothers recover from childbirth faster when they don't have to go it alone. Shocker, right?

Anyone who's ever had a baby or has been around someone who's had a baby can tell you that new mothers need help. But sometimes it takes science to point out the obvious. There have been studies showing the importance of a newborn spending time with its father. It improves the health of the baby and strengthens the bond between baby and dad. But a new study found that having a co-parent on hand can make a big difference in how mom feels.



Parents in Sweden get 16 months paid time off when they have a baby. Both parents share that allotted time, and they can divide it as they see fit.

Researchers at Stanford University took a look at the effects of a change in Swedish parental leave. Up until 2012, parents couldn't take the time off at the same time, except for the first 10 days after the baby was born. Often, mothers would be left alone with their child for 14 months, and the father would be alone with the child for two.

But in 2012, the restriction was lifted, and the parent who didn't give birth is now allowed to take 30 days of time off while the parent who gave birth is taking their leave, too.

It ended up having a big impact. It turns out, when both parents are there, the health of the mother improves.

The researchers found that six months after postpartum, anti-anxiety prescriptions decreased by 26%, hospitalizations or visits to a specialist decreased by 14%, and antibiotic prescriptions decreased by 11%. That's not too shabby.


Women shouldn't be expected to pop out a baby, then get told, "Good luck with that!" as they're left alone to figure it all out. "A lot of focus has been on what we can do in the hospital immediately following childbirth, but less on mothers' home environment, which is where the vast majority of women spend most of their postpartum time," Maya Rossin-Slater, one of the researchers, said. "What we're saying is one important component of that home environment is the presence of the father or another adult caretaker."

The restriction was changed to encourage more early father-child bonding time because of how important it was. The fact that it ended up improving the mother's health was a pleasant surprise.

What's not a surprise? That the study recommends that more countries should offer familial leave the way they do in Sweden.

"While paid leave for new parents is nearly ubiquitous in most of the developed world (with the important exception of the United States), family care leave is much less common," the study says. "Our results suggest that the availability of such leave — which fathers could use to care for mothers in the immediate postpartum period — could have important and previously uncalculated benefits for families."

Of course, America might need to start with, you know, offering familial leave at all.


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