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Mom's tearful post about leaving twins after maternity leave has people debating U.S. policy

Many working moms share this woman's feelings about going back to work.

Courtesy of @marissa_jeanne/TikTok

With no guaranteed paid leave, moms in the U.S. take far less maternity leave than nearly every other country.

The United States has long been viewed as exceptional in many ways, some very positive and some not so much. One not-so-great thing that sets it apart from nearly every other country on Earth is its paid parental leave policies—or rather, its total lack of them.

The U.S. is one of just seven countries—and the only wealthy nation in the world—that offers no guaranteed paid parental leave by law. It's up to companies to provide leave to employees as a "perk," but it's in no way required. The average American mother takes 10 weeks off after having a baby, but that's combining both paid and unpaid leave and only those who are able to take it. Compare that with the global average of just under 19 weeks of paid leave—longer if you include protected unpaid leave—and it's clear the U.S. is indeed exceptional on this front.

A mom who took three months off after her twins were born shared a tearful video explaining how she felt on her last day of maternity leave, and it's resonating with many American moms.

"So, today is my last day of maternity leave and I go back to work tomorrow. I just feel like I haven't had enough time with them," Marissa Jeanne shared on her TikTok page. "I know I got longer than a lot of women get with three months, but it just doesn't…I just don't feel ready."

Marissa shared with Good Morning America that she'd had a high-risk pregnancy and the twins were born 5 1/2 weeks early, spending several weeks in the NICU before they were able to come home. The three month countdown began as soon as they were born, so she said she felt like she got robbed of some of her postpartum time. "And that does not get accounted into your maternity leave," she said.

She described the "abrupt change" of being with her babies all the time and then suddenly only having a few hours a day with them, worrying that they're going to forget her.

babies, twins, maternity leave, paid leave, US, parenting It's hard to go back to work full-time with babies.Photo credit: Canva

"I also love my career," she added. "I am proud of what I do, but there's always that mom guilt of you're not giving enough time to your kids."

Unfortunately, Marissa received some judgmental comments from people telling her she should just make it work to stay home, but that wasn't an option for her family financially, especially since she holds the health insurance (another American exceptionalism). She's not in an unusual situation; a large percentage of Americans live in two-income households, and rising living expenses have made it more difficult not to.

Many moms empathized with her feelings. People from outside the U.S. offered not only sympathy but bafflement over the fact that longer leave is not the norm like it is in every other wealthy nation.

"How is this normal or allowed in America in 2025 when we get a year in Europe many countries more than the one year in the UK?"

"In Canada the mothers get either 12 or 18 months paid maternity leave."

"3 months is not long enough! Moms deserve more!"

"I had to go back to work after 7 weeks. It shattered my heart. I couldn’t afford to take 12 weeks off. 😔"

"Maternity leave in the United States has to change. And then to jump back into the flow of work, with the emotional imbalance. I’m not even the mother and this is heartbreaking."

"This is real 💔 Moms and babies deserve so much better."

"U.S. needs to step up their maternity standards. It’s crazy that we are so behind every other developed country."


One of the arguments people make against longer parental leave is that it puts a burden on companies, but that begs the question of how all the other countries with businesses make it work. Interestingly enough, this is an issue that doesn't seem to fall neatly among partisan lines. People on both sides of the aisle argue for federally mandated maternity leave, but it hasn't happened yet. Until it does, families will continue to feel the pressure to go back to work quickly after welcoming their babies and struggle with the reality that it's simply not enough time.

Watch Marissa's full video:

@marissa_jeanne

Last day of maternity leave and I am a mess. There’s nothing that prepares you for this day in your postpartum journey. #maternityleave #maternityleaveover #postpartumjourney #pospartum #3monthspostpartum #backtowork #workingmom #workingmoms #workingmomstruggles #twinmom

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Fatherhood

British parents are hilariously defacing famous statues to fight for better parental leave

They're strapping baby dolls to statues of prominent men — it's hilarious and moving.

The Dad Shift

Residents in the UK might notice something different about the statues they pass by on their commutes:

They're all now carrying babies!


The Dad Shift

An advocacy group called The Dad Shift is behind the clever and adorable stunt. The funny visuals help prove a powerful point.

All over London and Edinburgh, the group has strapped toy dolls to the statues using colorful baby slings.

Figures whose statues received a fatherly makeover include Gene Kelly, Thierry Henry, Isambard Kingdom Brunel, Robert Fergusson, Ken Buchanan and Wojtek the Soldier Bear.

(Sadly, for not-getting-arrested purposes, the slings and babies were only added for a quick photo opp and then taken down. But the photos have been a huge hit on social media.)

In a now-viral Instagram post, The Dad Shift explains the viral stunt:

"We want to draw attention to the important role that fatherhood plays in men’s lives - and why the UK government needs to give dads and co-parents better paternity leave."

The Dad Shift

In an open letter to the UK's Prime Minister on their website, The Dad Shift pleads the case even further.

"We wanted to write and ask for your help, making sure dads across the country can show up for their families just as you show up for yours," the letter reads, shortly after calling the UK's paternity leave the worst in Europe.

They note that new dads get only two weeks off at less-than-minimum-wage pay.

"Proper parental leave for fathers and co-parents is good for mothers, good for babies, good for fathers and good for society too including improving health outcomes for all.

"Countries with 6 or more weeks paternity leave also have a gender pay gap that’s 4% smaller and a workforce participation gap that is 3.7% smaller too, meaning change can help grow the economy while helping British families."


The Dad Shift

If you're reading this and thinking the UK's paternity leave doesn't sound so bad, you might live in one of the worst countries in the world to be a new parent: The United States

There's no blanket paid family leave at all in America, which makes things extremely rough on new moms and dads.

It's often left up to individual companies, where the results can be a mixed bag.

The Family and Medical Leave Act does allow eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of time off, but it's unpaid. That's not feasible for most families — and about 40% of people aren't even eligible for this benefit to begin with.

In the end, most men in America take less than two weeks off after having a baby because their families can't afford any more.

Those are critical days for bonding — and a critical time when mom needs lots of help — that so many dads have to miss.


The Dad Shift

The visual of the UK's most prominent historical men with babies strapped to their chest is also a great signal of the changing times.

The campaign is drawing lots of attention to policies that need to change, but it's also highlighting something a little more positive.

Being a good dad is so back.


The Dad Shift

More and more famous and prominent men are really leaning into their dad-ness. So it's really not that weird at all to see a statue of a famous soccer player with a baby strapped to its chest.

The shift is partly due to social media, which gives us a glimpse inside the homes and quiet parenting moments of our favorite celebs.

It's also true that dads are just more involved now than ever before. Even famous, busy dads are carving out more time for family and hands-on caretaking.

Though a large gap in household responsibilities between men and women is still a problem. Better leave options for new fathers would likely make a big difference on all fronts.

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When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Years after it happened, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com


Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

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Family

More parents are taking 'teen-ternity leave' from work to support their teenage kids

Parenting through the teen years takes a lot more time and energy than people expect.

Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Raising kids through adolescence is not for the faint of heart.

When you have a baby, it's expected that you'll take some maternity or paternity leave from work. When you have a teen, it's expected that you'll be in the peak of your career, but some parents are finding the need to take a "teen-ternity leave" from work to support their adolescent kids.

It's a flip from what has become the traditional trajectory for modern parents. Despite the fact that the U.S. is the only developed nation in the world to not have mandated paid parental leave, most parents take at least some time off when a baby is born to recover physically from pregnancy and birth and to settle into life with their tiny new human. Many parents then opt to have one parent stay home full-time during their children's younger years, as full-time childcare is often cost prohibitive, and raising babies and toddlers requires an enormous amount of time, attention and energy.

Parents often return to work when their kids are in school full-time, and many feel a bit of a respite from the relentlessness of parenting as their kids become more independent and capable of doing things on their own. It's not that older kids don't need their parents, but their needs are different. Physical parenting gives way to more complex emotional parenting as kids get older, and for a while, those emotional challenges are somewhat simple.

Then the tween years come along. Then the teens. And for some parents, a realization hits that parenting kids through puberty takes almost as much time, attention and energy, as toddlers do. Only now, those needs are much more complicated and consequential.

Taking "teen-ternity leave" from work may not be feasible for many or most parents, but those who have the means to take a break from work to focus on family full-time during their kids' teen years shouldn't be judged for it. Raising teens is rarely easy, but for some parents, getting their kids through their teen years is the hardest thing they will ever do.

For one, adolescence is when mental health struggles really come to a head. If you've never parented a child with anxiety, depression, OCD, or some other mental illness, consider yourself fortunate. The mental and emotional toll for parents in that boat is immense, and the amount of time it can take to find the right kind of care and manage the various manifestations of whatever they struggle with can be significant.

teen boy curled up in a corner of a room

Mental health struggles often arise during adolescence.

Photo by Fernando @cferdophotography on Unsplash

Another reality of parenting teens that makes going to work challenging is the tendency for teens to spend the better part of the day not wanting to talk and then totally opening up at like 10:30 at night. Late night heart-to-hearts are a hallmark parenting in the teen years, but it can be hard to sustain if you're having to wake up early and head to work in the morning. And the emotional nature of these conversations requires a lot of thought and energy.

Helping with homework becomes more complicated as parents try to pull their advanced math knowledge up from the recesses of their minds, and then there's the transportation problem. Until a teen can drive themselves and unless they have their own car, someone has to take them to and from their various activities. It may sound silly to take time off from work just to drive your teens around, but it's not just the transportation—it's the transportation on top of everything else.

Is all of this just modern overparenting run amok? Not really.

“We often think the heavy parenting lift is for young kids, who need help getting dressed and more supervised playtime. But once you have a teenager, you realize bigger kids, bigger problems,” Amanda Craig PhD, LMFT, family therapist, mom, and author of the book, "Who Are You & What Have You Done with My Kid?: Connect with Your Tween While They Are Still Listening," told Parents.

The pandemic, of course, didn't help matters. Kids who went through that world-changing event during their formative years had their sense of normalcy and safety rocked, not just on an individual level, but a societal one. Research on the brains of teens before and after the pandemic shows there were actual neurobiological impacts of that time period. Teens today have also grown up during a particularly turbulent time in politics with that turbulence shoved in their face continually via social media. It's not surprising that a lot of young people are psychologically struggling and needing more support from their parents than previous teen generations did.

Maybe a teen-ternity leave—which is really just a different form of parental leave—isn't a bad idea. Imagine if we lived in a world where it was actually economically feasible for more families.

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