+
Sign up for
The Upworthiest
Our top stories of the day delivered straight to your inbox.
upworthy

parental leave

Family

More parents are taking 'teen-ternity leave' from work to support their teenage kids

Parenting through the teen years takes a lot more time and energy than people expect.

Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Raising kids through adolescence is not for the faint of heart.

When you have a baby, it's expected that you'll take some maternity or paternity leave from work. When you have a teen, it's expected that you'll be in the peak of your career, but some parents are finding the need to take a "teen-ternity leave" from work to support their adolescent kids.

It's a flip from what has become the traditional trajectory for modern parents. Despite the fact that the U.S. is the only developed nation in the world to not have mandated paid parental leave, most parents take at least some time off when a baby is born to recover physically from pregnancy and birth and to settle into life with their tiny new human. Many parents then opt to have one parent stay home full-time during their children's younger years, as full-time childcare is often cost prohibitive, and raising babies and toddlers requires an enormous amount of time, attention and energy.

Parents often return to work when their kids are in school full-time, and many feel a bit of a respite from the relentlessness of parenting as their kids become more independent and capable of doing things on their own. It's not that older kids don't need their parents, but their needs are different. Physical parenting gives way to more complex emotional parenting as kids get older, and for a while, those emotional challenges are somewhat simple.

Then the tween years come along. Then the teens. And for some parents, a realization hits that parenting kids through puberty takes almost as much time, attention and energy, as toddlers do. Only now, those needs are much more complicated and consequential.

Taking "teen-ternity leave" from work may not be feasible for many or most parents, but those who have the means to take a break from work to focus on family full-time during their kids' teen years shouldn't be judged for it. Raising teens is rarely easy, but for some parents, getting their kids through their teen years is the hardest thing they will ever do.

For one, adolescence is when mental health struggles really come to a head. If you've never parented a child with anxiety, depression, OCD, or some other mental illness, consider yourself fortunate. The mental and emotional toll for parents in that boat is immense, and the amount of time it can take to find the right kind of care and manage the various manifestations of whatever they struggle with can be significant.

teen boy curled up in a corner of a room

Mental health struggles often arise during adolescence.

Photo by Fernando @cferdophotography on Unsplash

Another reality of parenting teens that makes going to work challenging is the tendency for teens to spend the better part of the day not wanting to talk and then totally opening up at like 10:30 at night. Late night heart-to-hearts are a hallmark parenting in the teen years, but it can be hard to sustain if you're having to wake up early and head to work in the morning. And the emotional nature of these conversations requires a lot of thought and energy.

Helping with homework becomes more complicated as parents try to pull their advanced math knowledge up from the recesses of their minds, and then there's the transportation problem. Until a teen can drive themselves and unless they have their own car, someone has to take them to and from their various activities. It may sound silly to take time off from work just to drive your teens around, but it's not just the transportation—it's the transportation on top of everything else.

Is all of this just modern overparenting run amok? Not really.

“We often think the heavy parenting lift is for young kids, who need help getting dressed and more supervised playtime. But once you have a teenager, you realize bigger kids, bigger problems,” Amanda Craig PhD, LMFT, family therapist, mom, and author of the book, "Who Are You & What Have You Done with My Kid?: Connect with Your Tween While They Are Still Listening," told Parents.

The pandemic, of course, didn't help matters. Kids who went through that world-changing event during their formative years had their sense of normalcy and safety rocked, not just on an individual level, but a societal one. Research on the brains of teens before and after the pandemic shows there were actual neurobiological impacts of that time period. Teens today have also grown up during a particularly turbulent time in politics with that turbulence shoved in their face continually via social media. It's not surprising that a lot of young people are psychologically struggling and needing more support from their parents than previous teen generations did.

Maybe a teen-ternity leave—which is really just a different form of parental leave—isn't a bad idea. Imagine if we lived in a world where it was actually economically feasible for more families.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Family

A Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting. Her male VP's response is a masterclass in workplace values.

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Patagonia has taken "family-friendly workplace" to a whole new level, and people are noticing.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com

RELATED: It only became legal to breastfeed in public in all 50 states in 2018.

Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

RELATED: Working and breastfeeding is hard. Studies say support from coworkers is key to success.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.

From Your Site Articles
Related Articles Around the Web
breastfeeding
Family

Sweden's parental leave laws have revolutionized the lives of moms.

Science doesn't lie. Moms need help.

It turns out mothers recover from childbirth faster when they don't have to go it alone. Shocker, right?

Anyone who's ever had a baby or has been around someone who's had a baby can tell you that new mothers need help. But sometimes it takes science to point out the obvious. There have been studies showing the importance of a newborn spending time with its father. It improves the health of the baby and strengthens the bond between baby and dad. But a new study found that having a co-parent on hand can make a big difference in how mom feels.



Parents in Sweden get 16 months paid time off when they have a baby. Both parents share that allotted time, and they can divide it as they see fit.

Researchers at Stanford University took a look at the effects of a change in Swedish parental leave. Up until 2012, parents couldn't take the time off at the same time, except for the first 10 days after the baby was born. Often, mothers would be left alone with their child for 14 months, and the father would be alone with the child for two.

But in 2012, the restriction was lifted, and the parent who didn't give birth is now allowed to take 30 days of time off while the parent who gave birth is taking their leave, too.

It ended up having a big impact. It turns out, when both parents are there, the health of the mother improves.

The researchers found that six months after postpartum, anti-anxiety prescriptions decreased by 26%, hospitalizations or visits to a specialist decreased by 14%, and antibiotic prescriptions decreased by 11%. That's not too shabby.


Women shouldn't be expected to pop out a baby, then get told, "Good luck with that!" as they're left alone to figure it all out. "A lot of focus has been on what we can do in the hospital immediately following childbirth, but less on mothers' home environment, which is where the vast majority of women spend most of their postpartum time," Maya Rossin-Slater, one of the researchers, said. "What we're saying is one important component of that home environment is the presence of the father or another adult caretaker."

The restriction was changed to encourage more early father-child bonding time because of how important it was. The fact that it ended up improving the mother's health was a pleasant surprise.

What's not a surprise? That the study recommends that more countries should offer familial leave the way they do in Sweden.

"While paid leave for new parents is nearly ubiquitous in most of the developed world (with the important exception of the United States), family care leave is much less common," the study says. "Our results suggest that the availability of such leave — which fathers could use to care for mothers in the immediate postpartum period — could have important and previously uncalculated benefits for families."

Of course, America might need to start with, you know, offering familial leave at all.


From Your Site Articles
Related Articles Around the Web
More

Should paid parental leave be a baby shower gift? Lots of people think not.

On July 18, "Good Morning America" tweeted a link to a segment about a new "trendy baby shower gift."

Instead of more conventional gifts, the story explained, co-workers of new moms are donating their own paid vacation time so that their colleagues can have ample time off after giving birth.

"'It really, really meant a lot to me,'" GMA wrote in its tweet, quoting a new mom featured in the story who benefited from the trend. "I was extremely appreciative and very humbled.'"

Does this story just ... not sit well with you? You're definitely not alone.

People were alarmed that a "trend" like this could be framed in such a positive light in GMA's tweet.

The morning show was flooded with aggravated replies from readers — mostly women — disturbed by how the story reflects a sobering reality about how our society values parenthood.

"This is a horrifying story," the top comment in the tweet's replies read. "Co-workers making up for what employers aren't providing IS NOT A FEEL-GOOD STORY. Damn is the U.S. ever broken."

"One of my friends went back to work the week after having her baby," another reply read. "This shit is ridiculous."

[rebelmouse-image 19346571 dam="1" original_size="750x399" caption="Photo by Samantha Hurley/Burst." expand=1]Photo by Samantha Hurley/Burst.

To be fair, the morning show's on-air segment and online article did a much better job putting the "trend" into context and pointing to Washington's failures when it comes to parental leave policy. But the tweet's wording left many readers cringing at its sunny, lighthearted tone.

One of those readers was Sen. Brian Schatz of Hawaii.

He shared GMA's tweet with his followers, adding that ideally, big-hearted co-workers shouldn't have to provide this "generous baby shower gift" to their friends at work — the law would already guarantee it.

[rebelmouse-image 19346572 dam="1" original_size="633x225" caption="Image via ;Sen. Brian Schatz/Twitter." expand=1]Image via ;Sen. Brian Schatz/Twitter.

Schatz's take is hardly radical, of course. Research suggests that a wide majority of Americans, spanning all political leanings, agree that we need a federal paid parental leave policy.

It's absurd we don't have one already.

The U.S. remains the only industrialized nation without a federal policy mandating new parents get at least some paid time off.

Right now, the Family Medical Leave Act calls for businesses with 50 or more employees to allow parents 12 weeks time off without fear of losing their job. But there's a huge caveat: That time doesn't need to be paid.

While many white-collar workers enjoy paid parental leave benefits, many low-income parents — and, disproportionately, women of color — don't have such benefits through their jobs. They're the ones who are furthest left behind.

But as the Schatz noted to his Twitter followers, we can do something about it.

The good news is, the persistent calls for change have never been louder. A handful of states have passed promising paid-leave policies in recent years, and there's growing demand for the federal government to follow suit. Women are running for office in record numbers, too, giving hope that a potential gender shift in Washington could re-prioritize which issues get addressed in the years to come.

We need to vote to make it happen, though.

Head over to Ballotpedia to learn more about who's on the ballot in your own area ahead of the November midterms, and give your vote to a candidate who will make paid paternity leave a priority in office.

From Your Site Articles
Trending Stories