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Lauren Mayberry performing with Chvrches at Hollywood Forever in Los Angeles, 2016



A fan of the Scottish synthpop band Chvrches got a bit more than he bargained for when he yelled to the stage.

"Marry me!" an unidentified man yelled out during a pause between songs.

"Pardon?" Chvrches singer Lauren Mayberry responded, prompting the man to shout out, "Marry me! Now!"


performance, crowds, hecklers, musicians

What it looks like to get told off from the stage.

GIFs from advancedfirefly.

But what's the big deal? It's not like he was serious. Well...

No, I sincerely doubt that the man in the crowd expected Mayberry to throw down her microphone and jump into his arms. Him saying "marry me" was probably more of a stand-in for "I like your music and respect you as a human being with boundaries!" (OK, maybe not that last bit.)

It's a little more complicated than that.

If you know a bit more about Chvrches' backstory, Mayberry's response makes a lot of sense.

Throughout the band's career, Mayberry has been outspoken against music industry sexism and online harassment.

In 2013, Mayberry posted a screenshot of a message sent to the band's Facebook page that read, "Could you pass this correspondence on to the cute singer, I think we'd make superior love together, and very much would like to take her to dinner." After responding, "No. That's disgusting," Mayberry was told it was a "very puritanical stance" to take.

Her response was simple: "Please stop sending us emails like this." In response, she received a slew of responses containing threats, twisted sexual fantasies, and general disregard for her existence as a human. That month, she penned an opinion piece for The Guardian, "I will not accept online misogyny.”

"But why should women 'deal' with this?"

Her post at The Guardian was a powerful rebuttal to anyone who has ever told her (or any female musician, for that matter) that she should just "deal with" harassment.

"I absolutely accept that in this industry there is comment and criticism. There will always be bad reviews: such is the nature of a free press and free speech. ... What I do not accept, however, is that it is all right for people to make comments ranging from 'a bit sexist but generally harmless' to openly sexually aggressive. That it is something that 'just happens.' Is the casual objectification of women so commonplace that we should all just suck it up, roll over and accept defeat? I hope not. Objectification, whatever its form, is not something anyone should have to 'just deal with.'"

Years later, the harassment continues. But Mayberry isn't giving up.

Earlier this year, Mayberry posted another screenshot of a message sent to one of the band's social media accounts on her personal Instagram page. The message, in which an anonymous voice from the Internet threatens to sexually assault Mayberry with a cheese grater, was posted alongside Mayberry's eloquent response.

"My band is lucky enough to have some of the most awesome, supportive and respectful fans in the world and we are so excited to be in the studio making an album to share with them. Yet, on a daily basis, we still receive communications like this. These people never learn that violence against women is unacceptable. But they also never learn that women will not be shamed and silenced and made to disappear. I am not going anywhere. So bring it on, motherfuckers. Let's see who blinks first."

So, in hindsight, maybe yelling "Marry me!" at Lauren Mayberry wasn't the best idea.

The man may have meant well, but combined with the sexualized messages from other fans and critics alike, it creates an atmosphere of uncomfortable, unwanted comments. It's a lot like street harassment: While the intention might have been to "compliment" someone, the effect can be something so completely different.

Watch Mayberry's showdown with the "Marry me" guy in the video below.

This article originally appeared on 10.05.15






Lear knows a thing or two about looking on the bright side.

Norman Lear, creator of beloved sitcoms such as “The Jeffersons,” “All in the Family” and “Good Times,” turned 100 on July 27. It might have been his birthday, but we’re the ones receiving a gift, because the legendary television writer celebrated by sharing some words of wisdom with all of us.

A video posted to Instagram showed Lear recalling his “breakfast thoughts” as his daughter, Kate Lear LaPook, held the camera. He started off by singing “That’s Amore,” a tune by Dean Martin, who Lear once worked with and seemed to remember fondly.

It set the theme nicely for Lear’s message, which was all about taking in the simple joys of “living in the moment.”

"I guess my breakfast thought at the moment... is the moment," Lear noted. "The moment between past and present, present and past, the moment between after and next. The hammock in the middle of after and next."


Authentic gratitude rang through his voice at the thought of turning another year older, not to mention a distinctly endearing sense of humor. "I mean, my God, the miracle of being alive with everything that's available to us, and me turning 100 tomorrow. Do you hear me? Tomorrow I turn 100. That's as believable to me as 'Today I'm 99,’” he chuckled.

His video ended with a simple piece of advice. “The moment: treasure it, use it with love.”

Not taking any of life’s moments for granted and instead looking at what’s right with the picture seems to be a well-known recipe for living a long, happy life, especially to those who have succeeded at it.

Fellow comedy icon Betty White echoed this sentiment in her 2018 interview with Parade, saying “accentuate the positive, not the negative. It sounds so trite, but a lot of people will pick out something to complain about, rather than say, 'Hey, that was great!' It's not hard to find great stuff if you look." The "Golden Girls" star passed away just before her 100th birthday on Dec 31, 2021, but was still the epitome of good cheer and optimism.

Or, thanks to a mainstream increase in mindfulness, perhaps this is a skill one can cultivate over time. After all, we have more tools than ever before—entire books have been written on the subject, like Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s “Flow,” there are numerous meditation apps available, journals with prompts geared toward gaining awareness, and more access to a wide range of therapeutic modalities. The hustle and bustle of modern living might make being present a challenge, but with it comes numerous strategies for overcoming those challenges.

And, of course, when all else fails, we can take a page from Lear’s book, and simply choose to cherish what’s in front of us.

Happy Birthday, Norman. You always manage to give us something to smile about.

If you've ever considered meditation, now's a great time to start. Because, if you're like most people right now, you have two things: stress and too much time on your hands.

Meditation has traditionally been tied to ancient spiritual traditions and new-age ideas which, depending on your disposition, can either be a turn-on or a turn-off. But these days it's a practice that's recommended by therapists and is scientifically proven to have incredible benefits.

Research shows it can rewire your brain to improve your focus, happiness, and productivity. It's also therapeutic for people with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and high blood pressure.


A daily meditation practice can be a big help during the coronavirus crisis because it decreases brain activity in the Default Mode Network and increases it in the right medial temporal lobe.

So what's that supposed to mean?

Instead of being stuck in the part of your brain that ruminates on how things can go wrong, it activates the part of your mind associated with attention and concentration. That means less time spent worrying about what the future may bring and more time living in the present, where you can be of help to your loved ones and yourself.

via Peter Miller / Flickr

A study published in the journal Cognitive, Affective, & Behavioral Neuroscience showed that "meditation was found to be associated with relatively lower activity in regions of the DMN in meditators compared to controls during meditation compared to another active cognitive task, as indicated by a significant Group x Task interaction."

Mediation also slows down your brain waves. This gives you the superpower of being able to thoughtfully respond to outside stimuli instead of immediately reacting. That's going to come in handy when cabin fever starts to take hold and your family gets on your nerves.

With a daily meditation routine, you'll notice you gain the power to thoughtfully respond to situations and stimuli instead of simply reacting.

"[Mindfulness mediation is] one of the early steps of learning how to follow our thoughts," Chloe Carmichael, a clinical psychologist based in New York City, told The Huffington Post. "Once you have mindful awareness of what your thoughts are, you're able to observe them without reacting to them."

via Pixabay

Now, how do I do it?

There are many different ways to meditate. Personally, I learned a very simple mindfulness meditation through Dr. Carl Totton of the Taoist Institute in Los Angeles.

It's a very simple technique that helps carve new neural pathways and improve your focus and concentration. One reason that it's so easy to learn is that it actually rewards you for failure.

Most people who've tried meditation quit after a few minutes because they find it impossible to clear their minds. What they don't know is that the fact that it's pretty much impossible to be thought-free is the point of the exercise.

ABC News anchor Dan Harris, does a great job of describing the simple practice his book, "10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works — A True Story."

— Sit comfortably in a quiet place. You don't have to be cross-legged, but your spine must be straight.

— Close your eyes and focus on your breath going in and out of your nostrils.

— Your attention will wander from your breath. Each time that happens, forgive yourself and return your attention back to the air going through your nostrils. The entire game is to catch your mind wandering and then return your focus to your breath.

The first time you try it, you'll notice that it is extremely hard to maintain focus on your breath. You'll notice that your mind loves to wander. That's ok, just bring it back to your breath going in and out of your nostrils.

Every time you "fail" by allowing your mind to wander off, it's a win. The process of catching your mind and returning it back to your breath strengthens your mind and increases your ability to control your thoughts.

Set a timer on your smartphone for five minutes the first time. Then increase the time by a minute or two each day. I've found that I get great results after about eight minutes or so a day.

via Marco Conti / Flickr

The goal here is not to torture yourself, but to develop a daily habit. I like to meditate on the bathroom floor after a shower in the morning.

On your first attempt, you will immediately notice that it's extremely hard to maintain focus on your breath. You will also notice how much your mind loves to wander.

There's a popular misconception about meditation that you must completely clear your mind. However, according to Harris, this is "basically impossible unless you are enlightened, or you have died."

The incredible part of this practice is that after just a few days you'll begin to have a completely different relationship to your thoughts.

You will catch yourself ruminating about something you shouldn't, like 'How long will I be stuck in this house?' but then gently return your thoughts to the task at hand or something more meaningful — just like you return your thoughts to your breath while meditating.

Before meditation, I found it very difficult to stop ruminating on negative events that happened in the past or fears about the future. After meditation, I learned to push those thoughts aside. It's an amazing feeling when you realize that you can have greater control over your thoughts and, therefore your life.

That's something we could all use more of in these trying times.

Here are some more resources to help you during the pandemic:

Dan Harris further explaining his meditation technique.

Harvard has some dietary tips to help reduce your anxiety.

Here are "8 Ways to Make Meditation a Daily Habit" from the Chopra Center.

Pedram Shojai teaches how to resolve anxiety through qi gong.

True
Dignity Health 2017

Musician Terrie Miley always wears a smile. What makes her unique is who she smiles for, and how she keeps it up.

As a hospice musician, Miley’s everyday work involves going to see patients who are in their final hours and using music as a way to help people tell their stories. "The story of their lives," as she puts it.  

Image via Dignity Health/Upworthy.


While many of us would do anything to avoid the idea of coming face-to-face with our own mortality or sharing space with a total stranger who is on the brink of death, Miley has chosen to face it every single day in hopes of bringing them peace in their final hours.

Most people who volunteer walk away with the knowledge that they’ve made a difference; Miley walks away knowing that she has just said goodbye.

But with such intense emotional labor comes the need for self-care.

For Miley and her colleagues at Dignity Health, the team decided to enact a mindfulness program consisting of meditation and breathing exercises to help their employees feel present during those long, hard hours on the job.

The premise for this program is a simple but powerful one: To be compassionate towards others, we first have to be compassionate toward ourselves — if only for a few minutes.

For hospice workers like Miley, then, finding moments of pause gives them the peace and attention needed to do this work in a healthy way.

And when it's built into the work culture, this kind of reflection isn't just an afterthought. It's a practice, and it's one that's transforming how caregivers like Miley approach their jobs.

How do they do it? Have a look for yourself:

This program helps you focus on the now. And the effects on your health can be enormous.

Posted by Upworthy on Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Miley knows better than anyone that while helping these patients is rewarding, it can take a mental and emotional toll on caregivers.

When offering the humble gift of musical bliss and human connection, it’s not always easy being confronted with life’s biggest hurdle: death.

"Hospice is challenging work, in ways that you might not consider," Miley explains.

Because Miley’s job description includes being present for those who don’t have loved ones in their final hours, it requires a level of emotional investment that she has to sustain in every moment of her work.

Whether it's a guided meditation after lunch or a walking meditation on a break, these moments of reflection make all the difference for caregivers like Miley, who too easily forget themselves while caring for others.

For Miley, it’s a reminder of why we need to slow down during the daily grind.

Life is short, and while that knowledge may sit in the back of our minds, it’s important to remember that our day-to-day existence is about so much more than work.

Miley's story is an important reminder that for every connection we offer to others, it's just as important to pause and reconnect with ourselves.

To make this work sustainable, then, mindfulness is everything.

"When you’re in hospice, it is definitely about the moment. It is about being present with that person and creating healing in that moment," said Heidi Summers, senior director of mission integration and education at Dignity Health.

Miley puts it best when she says, "Being present is the only thing that matters."