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20-year-olds are sharing their 'hardest pills to swallow' about becoming adults

"You have to decide what you want to eat for every meal for the rest of your life."

Photo credit: Canva

Sometimes these harsh truths ultimately help us become better people.

When we’re kids, we can’t wait to finally be grown up. Then, before ya know it, BAM! You get your wish. You’re a grown up. And you learn the hard way that while having more freedom and independence is awesome, being an adult isn’t all perks. Not by a longshot.

Recently, Redditor u/BluebirdIll6390 asked, "What's the hardest pill to swallow in your early twenties?"

While answers varied, one huge theme was the harsh reality of having to hold ourselves accountable. It’s up to us to manage our health and finances, continue learning, live by our values and generally create a life that fulfills us. And even then, there are no guarantees—another harsh reality.

And while these responses might be a little sobering, there’s also some relief to be had in knowing that these are “hard pills” we all must swallow in order to continue being well adjusted adults.

Scroll below to check out some of the most interesting answers.


1. "You have to become the driving force making the next steps of your life happen. There’s a pretty clear, direct pipeline from childhood to university. After that, it's all open. A lot of people get stuck floating around in post-college purgatory, waiting for something to happen, but you just have to be the one to make those things happen now. It’s very easy to get sucked into the rhythm of the first job you get out of college, setting up wherever you’re situated, having ideas of what you’d like to do with your life with no urgency to get started because you’re under the false assumption you’ve all the time in the world. You’re young, but the days are long, and the years are short. Don’t wait to start living." —u/shroom_in_bloom

2. "The hardest thing for me was realizing that some of my friends and family were objectively bad people who would never change and/or grow up." —u/Mirraco323

3. "You have to decide what you want to eat for every meal for the rest of your life."

growing older, ask reddit, deciding what to eat, eating healthyForever in menu paralysis until the day I die. Photo credit: Canva

—u/Niramarsk

4. "For me, a hard pill to swallow was realizing how much I actually have to make to have the lifestyle to which I was accustomed and how far I was from that as a recent graduate." —u/Smgt90

5. "Some careers don't start till you're in your 30s." —u/Neither-Historian227

6. "Your parents are getting older and won't be here forever.” —u/themagicbong

7. “Holidays won't be magical unless you make them magical. You have to go out of your way to decorate and do themed things to get that sense of excitement you had as a kid.”

growing older, ask reddit, halloween decorBut hey, at least you can decorate your home the way YOU want to. Photo credit: Canva

—u/Little-Bones

8. "You will either cultivate habits, willpower, study, exercise, and routines for success, or you will slowly watch yourself fade. No one is protecting you from yourself anymore." —u/phoenix14830

9. "This is likely the best your body will ever feel. Put in the work now, and your body will thank you. I'm talking about flexibility work, strength work, skin and teeth."—u/myic90

10. "Remember how, as a kid, a year took forever? Like the week after Christmas, had this crushing reality that it would be forever before it happened again? Now, remember how fast this last year went? Yeah. That's your life. You'll be 30, wondering what happened to time. It just keeps getting faster. Don't try to speed through, even in the bad times. Take time. Don't live for the weekend, don't put things aside for 'another time.' People say you won't be young forever, but nobody prepares you for how short 'not forever' it actually is." —u/MentalSewage

11. "Your comfort zone quickly becomes a prison if you indulge in it. You need to push your boundaries and only fall back into your comfort zone when you absolutely need it. Staying in your comfort zone will breed anxiety when you leave it. You have to put yourself into uncomfortable situations to build up resilience for the future." —u/Crackracket

12. "That feeling of being a kid who is just figuring shit out never actually ends." —u/Former-Finish4653

13. "Realizing that adulting is a full-time job with no time off."

growing older, ask redditDay off? I don't know her. Photo credit: Canva

—u/FrostyGameKnight55

14. “Everything you think is so unique about yourself has been done a million times over by other humans.” —u/Fishfishbirdbirdcat

15. “At the end of the day, you are on your own. No parent, teacher, or camp counselor will swoop in, resolve conflicts, and guide you to the next step. You have to figure it all out. You can ask people for advice, but the problems are infinitely more complex and never have a 'right' answer, only a 'best we can figure' answer given what you have available. Yes, close friends or a significant other can be there to aid you when you need help with projects, moving, or a shoulder to cry on. But at the end of the day, it's your life, and you must steer the ship."—u/adunk9

16. "All the fun of going to school, having summers off, having 'breaks' for fall or winter...that's just about over. Time to go to work every day until you're ready to retire. Hope you enjoyed your school years!" —u/cibman

17. “Friendships grow out of proximity- once that proximity is gone it requires effort to maintain.So once you leave school those people whom you thought were ride or die for life, will move on without you. Your best friends at work will forget about you 6 months after one of you leaves the job. To maintain friendships, you need to maintain shared interests. The corollary of this is also true- to gain friends, take an interest in their interests and use that to gain proximity.”

growing older, ask redditLook how much fun they're having. Photo credit: Canva

—u/The4th88

And last, but certainly not least…

18. "'You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will still be people who don't like peaches.'"—u/HazelGhost

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Health

Woman shares her 'save the day' self-care tip that can help alleviate work stress

Save the day. Every day.

@breatheintransformation/TikTok

Such a simple—and fun—way to add in daily self care

Work-life balance is a popular phrase thrown around these days, and certainly, with all the benefits it can add to our sense of purpose and wellbeing, it’s something worth striving towards.

But integrating the concept into our lives…that’s another story.

Before you know it, 12 hours of busywork have flown by, leaving us too exhausted to do anything for ourselves. And now, on top of the fatigue, we have the guilt of not doing that hour-long workout or thirty minute meditation or whatever else we know could help us feel fulfilled, if only we had time. Because the sad truth is—our current society makes it very easy to put our personal needs on the backburner in the name of productivity.

On the upside—taking even the smallest personal breaks can make a world of difference. And Trina Merz, a Hawaii-based holistic healing practitioner, recently shared the simple, yet powerful way that she and a friend created to remember their self care.

In a video posted to her TikTok, @breatheintransformation, Merz shared that whenever she and her friend carved out a small personal activity during a full work day, they’d call it “saving the day.”

For Merz, that often looked like catching a surf, calling her mom, or making a delicious meal. “One thing that reclaims the day as our own,” she explained in the clip.

And to hold each other accountable, they would ask each other how they saved the day. “It became this fun thing that we used to just casually talk about all the time,” she said.

Merz went on to affirm that "there's honestly so many ways you can save the day, and it doesn't have to be a huge time commitment. It could even be just making a cup of tea and cozying up with one of your favorite books; anything that makes the day feel like you had some space in it again."

@breatheintransformation Save the day. Everyday. #savetheday #careeradviceforwomen #corporategirlies #stressrelief ♬ original sound - trina 🕊️ work-life harmony

There’s just so much about this that works. For one thing, adding the phrase “saving the day” makes you feel like a superhero (and, let’s be real, main character energy is totally healthy sometimes). But also there’s the sharing with a friend aspect, which Merz told Upworthy is "such an impactful part of this practice not only for accountability…but because when our energy comes together it expands and inspires each other, adding fuel to the flame of seeing the positives in our lives."

As one viewer rightfully commented, “This is the healthiest lifestyle tip I’ve seen in a while."

Lots of folks requested some more examples of “saving the day,” and Mez happily obliged. Here’s a small sampling of what she listed in a follow-up video:

Blowing bubbles

Taking a walk or run outside

Making rituals out of special treats—using a special plate with a fancy piece of chocolate, for example.

Reading a book or article you find interesting

Getting a pedicure or a massage

Enjoying a crossword

Taking a dance break

Walking barefoot in the grass

Doing anything with a good friend

And of course, you are free to create your own “Save The Day” list. Share it with a friend, and see how it affects your week.

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Health

Woman is shocked to learn that some people can hear their inner monologues

Not everyone can do it.

via Colleen Carswell/TikTok and Pixabay

Colleen is really confused about inner monologues.

It's a little weird to think about thinking. But when you have a thought, is it a visualization, a string of words, a vague notion that carries meaning or a combination of all three? Did you know that some people can’t do all three?

A TikTok user named Colleen Carswell has a unique condition called aphantasia. According to WebMD, people with aphantasia lack a “mind’s eye," which is caused by problems in the visual cortex. It can lead to memory problems, fewer dreams and the inability to imagine hypothetical events.

In a video posted to TikTok, Carswell admitted her mind was blown when she realized her husband can hear words in his head when he thinks. "From what I'm gathering, people can hear in their mind," Colleen said, adding they can hear “inside their head,” “internally” and in their “own voice."

@colleencarswell

Can you hear inside your mind!? 🤯 #aphantasia #aphant #imsoconfused #innermonologue #innerdialogue #ineedyourhelp #perspective #alwayslearningsomethingnew #thesamebutdifferent #neurodivergent #howdidinotknow #learnontiktok

"That blew my mind because, again, I have thoughts and I thought all along that's what an inner monologue was until very recently," she said. But when she learned that other people hear voices—of themselves, others or characters in a book—she didn't get it. "I am just so confused,” she admitted.

Colleen asked her husband if he could hear voices in his head and there was no doubt. "Oh yeah, I can hear. I can hear my mom's voice. I can hear your voice. I can hear the kids' voices. I can hear Kevin Hart's voice. Really any voice I want to hear, I can just hear it," he said.

This new information made Colleen wonder if she even has an internal monologue at all. So she asked her TikTok audience where they fall on the internal-voice spectrum and they left some intriguing comments.

One follower was completely floored by the revelation. "If you can't hear in your mind, how do you have your thoughts?" Perri Madison asked. "I think by talking to myself in my head literally all day." Lee Bee explained how it works, "I'm the same as her,” she wrote, “I have no images in my head and can't hear anything. But you can still think but there is no sound...does that make sense?"

Then, Karazk dropped some knowledge. "For me, the thoughts just ARE. No ‘voice’ or feeling of anything auditory."

Throughout history, people have assumed that everyone has an inner voice that uses words, but this was challenged in the late ’90s by Russell Hurlburt, a psychologist at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. His studies found that some people think like "there's a radio in their head" while some people have no inner speech at all.

Colleen’s TikTok video encouraged a conversation where people had to seriously consider the idea that everyone thinks a little bit differently. It gave them an opportunity to try to think using someone else’s brain for a moment to consider what it’s like. These exercises are a great way to build empathy for others by helping us realize that everyone’s mind is a little bit different and that’s totally fine.

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Pop Culture

Norman Lear celebrated his 100th birthday by sharing some profound words of wisdom

A living legend shares his simple truth.

YouTube

Lear knows a thing or two about looking on the bright side.

Norman Lear, creator of beloved sitcoms such as “The Jeffersons,” “All in the Family” and “Good Times,” turned 100 on July 27. It might have been his birthday, but we’re the ones receiving a gift, because the legendary television writer celebrated by sharing some words of wisdom with all of us.

A video posted to Instagram showed Lear recalling his “breakfast thoughts” as his daughter, Kate Lear LaPook, held the camera. He started off by singing “That’s Amore,” a tune by Dean Martin, who Lear once worked with and seemed to remember fondly.

It set the theme nicely for Lear’s message, which was all about taking in the simple joys of “living in the moment.”

"I guess my breakfast thought at the moment... is the moment," Lear noted. "The moment between past and present, present and past, the moment between after and next. The hammock in the middle of after and next."

Authentic gratitude rang through his voice at the thought of turning another year older, not to mention a distinctly endearing sense of humor. "I mean, my God, the miracle of being alive with everything that's available to us, and me turning 100 tomorrow. Do you hear me? Tomorrow I turn 100. That's as believable to me as 'Today I'm 99,’” he chuckled.

His video ended with a simple piece of advice. “The moment: treasure it, use it with love.”

Not taking any of life’s moments for granted and instead looking at what’s right with the picture seems to be a well-known recipe for living a long, happy life, especially to those who have succeeded at it.

Fellow comedy icon Betty White echoed this sentiment in her 2018 interview with Parade, saying “accentuate the positive, not the negative. It sounds so trite, but a lot of people will pick out something to complain about, rather than say, 'Hey, that was great!' It's not hard to find great stuff if you look." The "Golden Girls" star passed away just before her 100th birthday on Dec 31, 2021, but was still the epitome of good cheer and optimism.

Or, thanks to a mainstream increase in mindfulness, perhaps this is a skill one can cultivate over time. After all, we have more tools than ever before—entire books have been written on the subject, like Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s “Flow,” there are numerous meditation apps available, journals with prompts geared toward gaining awareness, and more access to a wide range of therapeutic modalities. The hustle and bustle of modern living might make being present a challenge, but with it comes numerous strategies for overcoming those challenges.

And, of course, when all else fails, we can take a page from Lear’s book, and simply choose to cherish what’s in front of us.

Happy Birthday, Norman. You always manage to give us something to smile about.

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