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Woman shares three questions pregnant women can ask when they feel unheard by their doctor

Tired of being told "everything is normal?" These expert-backed questions can help.

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So many women report being gaslit by the very people meant to help them in times of need.

We might attribute the image of a woman with actual medical concerns being labeled “hysterical” by her doctor to the bygone Victorian era, but very real challenges continue to this day.

Research shows that a gender bias still exists in medical care, particularly in chalking up women’s physical problems to psychological issues. Women are still more likely to be considered “emotional” and accused of “fabricating” their pain by a healthcare professional, whereas men are more likely to be called “stoic.”

As Anushay Hossain writes in her book “The Pain Gap: How Sexism and Racism in Healthcare Kill Women”:

“Women are not believed about their bodies — period.”

This dismissal of a woman’s medical concerns (which a whopping 72% of women say they have experienced) has caused serious illness and disease to be misdiagnosed as anxiety, depression or emotional distress. And for debilitating symptoms to be called “normal.” And because of this, more health care professionals are giving tips on how women can advocate for themselves.

Recently, in response to a pregnant woman who, you guessed it, was venting about a doctor telling her everything was “normal,” OBGYN Dr. Noa Sterling chimed in with some advice.

“This is how you're going to respond the next time you bring a symptom or a complaint to your OB provider and you're just told that's normal,” she began, adding that the commonly seen dismissal “100% contributes to maternal mortality.”

She even surmised, “I think that's one of the reasons why black maternal mortality is so much higher than you see with white women because oftentimes black women are not listened to.”

And with that, Dr. Sterling encouraged pregnant folks to ask these three questions next time their doctor tries to dodge their concerns:

  • I know that normal pregnancy symptoms can sometimes be an indication that something more serious is going on. What about my situation tells you that this is not something serious and not something that I need to be concerned about?
  • What should I be looking for that might indicate that this is a more serious symptom?

And finally, if you don't want to leave the office without some form of guidance on managing symptoms:

  • I am glad that you think that this isn't something serious. However, I would like to do something about this symptom. What do you suggest?
@drsterlingobgyn #stitch with @katylynnsmithdesign How to communicate with your #obgyn #pregnant #pregnancystruggles #pregnancystressrelief #pregnancytips #advocatingforyourself #stressinpregnancy ♬ original sound - Noa Sterling, M.D., FACOG

Several commented on Dr. Sterling’s video also suggested that any dismissal of symptoms be recorded in their medical chart. While Sterling understood the reasoning behind that approach, she argued that leaning into the frustration can put providers “on the defensive.” In her opinion, people are “better served” by clearly reiterating their needs in a way that connects to “the humanity of both people involved.” Though she also acknowledges that that won’t work in every situation.

Point being: advocating for yourself, especially when it comes to medical concerns, is vital. That’s why it’s important to have healthy, effective tools for making sure your doctor actually hears you. And if they still won’t perhaps it’s best to look for a different provider.

For more tips, follow Dr. Sterling on TikTok.

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Marvel just hired its first female film composer. Here's why that's a big deal.

My daughter and I watched a documentary about film composers and were stunned by how few women were in it.

Like, seriously stunned.

Of the many composers featured in the film "Score," only two were women. But I suppose we shouldn't have been surprised. If I were to list famous film scorers, I'd offer up names like John Williams, James Horner, Hans Zimmer, and Howard Shore. I don't even know the name of a female film composer off the top of my head.

John Williams received a lifetime achievement award for his film composition work in 2016. Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images.

That's not good news for my daughter, who wants to be a film composer. She'll be studying music composition at university this fall, and while I have no doubt she'll rock it, it's disheartening to find out how male-dominated her chosen field is.

But perhaps change is on the horizon.

Marvel just made superhero movie history by hiring a female film composer.

As a bright spot in the darkness, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has brought on Pinar Toprak to score the much-anticipated "Captain Marvel" film. Toprak, who helped score the popular video game "Fortnite," will be the first female film scorer in a comic superhero movie.

To give you a sense of why this is significant, take a look at this list of DC superhero films and this list of Marvel superhero films. Just scroll through to see the sheer number of films — presumably all of which have included a score of some sort.

It's not that women don't ever score movies. They do — but only 3% of the top 250 films of 2017 included female composers (up from 1-2% a few years before). The industry has long been dominated by men and has been slow to change.

It's not just film scores. The whole music composition world is heavily skewed toward male composers.

In some ways, it's understandable. The most well-known classical music pieces come from the likes of Mozart, Bach, Schubert, Brahms, Vivaldi, and other male composers from generations past. The problem is that as the landscape has changed for women in music, the music that gets played and celebrated hasn't.

The statistics from Drama Musica and the Donne — Women in Music project show that among 1,445 classical concerts performed around the world in a year, only 76 included at least one piece by a woman. That means 95% of classical concerts only include male composers.

[rebelmouse-image 19346633 dam="1" original_size="500x445" caption="Image via Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, used with permission." expand=1]Image via Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, used with permission.

The numbers are not just due to the predominance of famous dead men in the classical music repertoire. In a survey of the 22 largest American orchestras during the 2014-15 symphony season, women only accounted for 14.3% of living composers whose work was performed.

"These numbers are both abysmal and embarrassing, particularly in this day and age," said Kristin Kuster, composer and associate professor of composition at the University of Michigan.

When an industry has been male-dominated for centuries, it takes a concerted, purposeful effort to level the field.

And there are some in the music world — like Washington Metropolitan Philharmonic Music director/conductor Ulysses James — leading the way.

After reading an article about the gender disparities for composers in orchestra performances, James responded with this:

"Washington Metropolitan Philharmonic Association Board members and I saw this article and decided to do something about it. Fourteen of the sixteen works we will be performing in the 2018-19 season will be composed by women. I'll also commit to programming 50% of the following season and beyond to women composers. Thank you for the article."

That's how it's done. It takes a conscious effort to turn the tide, and even just one decision like James' can break a pattern.

Thank you James and others making the effort and giving my daughter hope for a successful career doing what she loves. Let's hope more will follow your lead.

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The reaction to a (nearly) all-male panel might prompt some long overdue change.

A quick glance at the lineup for Variety's annual "A Night in the Writers' Room" event turned up something a little odd: It was almost entirely men.

The event, to be held in West Hollywood on June 14, features some really great, talented people working in TV right now. Writers from shows like "The Americans," "Black Lightning," "Atlanta," and "The Good Place" are all slated to appear, a veritable who's-who of TV talent. But of the 12 writers scheduled to appear, 11 of them are men.

Writer Wendy Molyneux ("Bob's Burgers") noticed this, tweeting, "I guess what you'll find in the writers' room is over 90% men!"

A number of the scheduled writers offered to give up their spots on the panel to make room for women, which really was a nice gesture.

"The Good Place" writer Michael Schur (who goes by "Ken Tremendous" on Twitter) tweeted that while he didn't know who else was scheduled to appear at the event, he thought it'd be appropriate to replace him with "any one of the dozens of women who should be part of any event like this." David Shore ("The Good Doctor") concurred, saying that he notified organizers he was "happy to be replaced."

Twitter user @WintryMixALot replied to Schur, writing, "Dude, I love you, but you seriously accept invites to be on panels without asking who else will be on them? If you care about representation please stop doing that." In a follow-up tweet, Schur committed to doing that moving forward.

To its credit, Variety responded to its, er, lack of variety when it came to organizing this event.

"On behalf of Variety, we apologize for the egregious oversight regarding the lack of female writers participating in our upcoming A Night in the Writers' Room event," was posted on Twitter, adding Variety is "working on rectifying" the mistake.

In 2017, Variety's "A Night in the Writers' Room" event featured 10 men and two women. The 2016 event featured 10 men and three women. Now, yes, it is entirely possible that Variety had planned to make a more concerted effort to be more gender-proportionate in 2018, but based on past years, this seems to have been more business as usual as opposed to an "egregious oversight" on their part.

Lost in a lot of the social media discussion was the fact that in addition to being overwhelmingly male, the event has a tendency to be overwhelmingly white.

The 2018 event features zero women of color. There was just one (Ava DuVernay) in 2017 and one in 2016 (Misha Green). For all the outcry over the lack of gender diversity, however, not a lot was said about race.

Matt Warburton, Rob McElhenney, Marc Maron, Bill Lawrence, Matthew Carnahan, and Variety chief television critic Brian Lowry participate in the 2014 event. Photo by Michael Kovac/Getty Images for Variety.

Director Sade Sellers rightly pointed this out on Twitter, indicating she'd love to put together another panel filled with women — including women of color.

Hopefully Variety takes this criticism into consideration as it scrambles to fix this. After all, part of what makes panel discussions so interesting is hearing from people with wildly different backgrounds having a conversation about their different upbringings, perspectives, and how that fits into their work. That kind of conversation can only happen with a diverse panel.

Now, you may be asking yourself why stuff like this even matters. After all, it's just a panel. There's more to it than that.

"When they can't even manage tokenism, then you know they really don't care," says Nell Scovell, a writer whose credits include "Late Night With David Letterman," "The Simpsons," and "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch."

Scovell gets to the heart of the matter: These types of prestigious industry panels send a message to aspiring creatives and viewers about who their product is actually for. "These panels should reflect the audiences and women are just as interested in highly-paid, creative jobs as men. Maybe even more."

Nell Scovell (left) speaks with Oscar-winning actress Patricia Arquette during a 2016 event put on by Vanity Fair. Photo by Rachel Murray/Getty Images for Vanity Fair.

Molyneux touches on what kind of impression it makes when there's a lack of diversity in representation. If there's hope of keeping fresh talent interested in pursuing a career in the entertainment industry, the industry needs to take a few small overtures in their direction. The problem has an easy solution: Don't be a jerk.

"'Don't be a d-bag' is the lesson of our time, right? Before you announce your panel, look at your roster and ask yourself: 'Am I about to be a d-bag?' says Molyneux. "I mean, if your panel is 91.67% male — and please have a man check my math — maybe get on the pink phone & ring up some girls. We all live in a big house together so we can sync our menses, so you’re bound to get SOMEONE. Under his eye," she finishes, jokingly.

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David Letterman tried to talk to Tina Fey about women in comedy. He got it very wrong.

David Letterman has no idea why there were so few women writers on his late-night talk show.

At least, that's what the veteran host revealed on an episode of his Netflix interview show "My Next Guest Needs No Introduction." What Letterman seems to have taught his audience with this particular episode is how far things still have to go in terms of diversity and equality in the writers room.

In speaking with Tina Fey, Letterman (kind of) asked the celebrated writer/actress/comedian/producer about her thoughts on how Hollywood has treated women.

"I know this is a topic you don't like talking about, and it's a topic without an answer, but women in comedy," Letterman said. "And I know you've been very generous to women in correcting an oversight. Now, when I had a television show, people would always say to me ... 'Why didn't you, why don't you have women writers?' And the best I could come up with was, 'I don't know.'"

Letterman seemed to have raised a subject he clearly didn't really want to talk about.

If you're scratching your head about what Letterman's talking about, you're not alone. Because what happened seems to be Letterman trying to ask a question, answer it, and absolve himself of any guilt under the guise of ignorance.

As former "Late Night with David Letterman" writer Nell Scovell wrote, this kind of bluster "may have gotten a pass" in the time before #MeToo and #TimesUp. But owning up to "I don't know" isn't enough anymore.

"In addressing the issue with one of Hollywood's most successful comics, he could have admitted his failings. Instead, he attempted to dodge past criticisms. And while delivered with an air of complete logic, Letterman's argument is a master class in distortion," Scovell wrote.

Image via Netflix.

Tina Fey wasn't about to let the moment pass though.

While Letterman seemed ready to move on, Fey wasn't letting it go so easily. Especially when he suggested there was "no policy" against women writers, completely ignoring that, while there may have been no official "no women allowed" mandate, an overwhelming amount of evidence makes it clear how hard it has been to be a woman in comedy.

"I always thought, 'Well, geez, if I was a woman, I'm not sure I would want to write on my little nickel-and-dime dog-and-pony show anyway cause we're on at 12:30,' Letterman says by way of apology. (Although, what does the show's time has to do with it? Are women not allowed out past 10? This show didn't start in the '50s.)

Fey, however, was having none of it: "Yeah, we did want to write on it, though," she shot back.

Letterman truly missed an opportunity here.

Here's the thing: If you're going to raise a sensitive subject, you're going to have to grapple with all the uncomfortable feelings that come along with it. If Letterman had, this conversation could have been productive and even transformative. It would have been refreshing to have a powerful man in comedy own up to his mistakes and recognize that it wasn't just "the time" that was an issue (Scovell points out that even when Letterman moved to an earlier time slot, he still only had one woman on the writing team) and that discrimination is a real issue to which the answer isn't "I don't know."

If anything, Letterman's response is a master class of what not to do when discussing equality and diversity.

While Letterman ended this uncomfortable segment with a vague apology about his ignorance and a statement about things getting better, that's not going to change things. What's going to change things are in-depth conversations about this topic. And that doesn't start with apologies and absolution; it starts with listening and recognizing that change is not only necessary but beneficial.

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