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Social worker explains why she never helps young daughter make friends, even when she's lonely

"As a parent, that's heartbreaking. As a social worker, I'm not going to do anything about it."

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A young girl being excluded at school.

One of the generational stereotypes that Millennials and Gen Zers have had foisted on them by older people is that they lack resilience. The knock isn’t completely unfounded, because many have been raised by lawnmower parents who cut down any obstacle that was in their way as children. So, as adults, they never developed the ability to handle difficult social situations. This can lead to a sense of entitlement and social anxiety.

“Lots of parents want to keep their children safe and feel the need to do all they can to achieve this, even when it is too much on them or their child,” Channing Richmond, a licensed marriage and family therapist in the San Francisco Bay Area, told Parents. That’s why Helen Turner, a social worker and LMFT, doesn’t get involved even when her first-grade daughter is feeling socially isolated at school.

young girl alone, girl with smartphone, girl window, girl stuffed animal, boredom A young girl alone at a window.via Canva/Photos

The difference between being a mom and a social worker

“My daughter has been coming home every night of first grade so far, saying that she does not have any friends at school, that no one wants to play with her. And while, as a parent, that's heartbreaking, as a social worker, I'm not gonna do anything about it,” Turner opens her viral video that has been seen over 33,000 times.

“Often times, when parents insert themselves into these kinds of things and attempt to problem solve the situation for their child because they want the problem to be fixed, what they're actually doing is taking the ability for their child to learn what to do in these situations away from their child, which in turn provides a really short term fix for something that will likely be an ongoing, long term, lifelong issue,” she continues.

What is distress tolerance?

Turner says that the ability to endure the feeling of rejection and allow it to prompt someone to take action is called distress tolerance. “Distress tolerance is a person's ability to manage actual or perceived emotional distress,” writes Matthew Tull, PhD, in Verywell Mind. “It also involves making it through an emotional incident without making it worse. People who have low distress tolerance tend to become overwhelmed by stressful situations and may sometimes turn to unhealthy or even destructive ways of coping with these difficult emotions.”

@helennichole3

Real life: School social worker as a mother. #parenthood #parenthack #school #socialwork #childhood

The key in this situation is to find a balance between setting your child up for success and doing things for them. Experts recommend that parents encourage children to make friends by teaching them to share and how to ask their peers to play confidently. Parents can help by teaching them the simple script: “Hi, I’m [child], would you like to play?” or “Hi, I’m [child], would you like to have lunch with me?” Parents can also set a good example by being friendly themselves and demonstrating a healthy social life. However, Turner believes that parents should avoid asking the teacher or other parents to insert their child into a friend group.

Although it may be tough for parents to watch their children feel isolated, it’ll help them form stronger relationships as they age. “If I had not had to learn that skill as a child or earlier in my life, it would feel debilitating to do now at 30 years old,” Turner says. “I don't know about you all, but I want my children to grow up and be 20s, 30s, 40s nnd not having to learn social situations for the first time then.”

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Influencer admits to not being ‘naturally pretty,’ people are demanding more do the same

“We need more influencers like you!”

Photo credit: Canva

Influencer admits she's not 'naturally pretty' breaking down changes

Influencer is a word that has seeped into the lexicon all over the world. It's now considered a legitimate career option that Millennials and Gen Zers have fully taken advantage of, as it can be lucrative. But just like magazines, everything you see on social media isn't real. Influencers highly curate their content, even the ones that have "messy" homes. It's curated mess much of the time.

The other area that is highly curated is the image viewers see of the person making the content. Oftentimes they look incredibly put together causing people to believe their "no makeup" makeup is the way they naturally look. An influencer named Mila has decided to set the record straight after consistently receiving comments saying that she's naturally pretty. Mila adamantly contends that she is in fact not naturally pretty and doesn't want people to think that she is.

influencers; social media; social media mental health; mental health; plastic surgery; social media filters woman leaning on wall Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

Social media has been linked to low self-esteem in both young teenage girls and boys causing other mental health issues such as body dysmorphia, eating disorders, depression and anxiety. Some cite the heavily edited and curated photos of influencers and celebrities on the platforms as contributing factors. Given this information, it seems more influencers are ripping the filter off to show that they don't even look who they portray once the filters fall.

Mila shares her reason for people not to fall for her being a naturally pretty person in a now viral video shared across multiple social media platforms. The seemingly makeup free beautiful blond says, "I don't want anyone to ever think that I'm like naturally pretty or I naturally look like this. My hair is bleached. Eyebrows are dyed and groomed. Eyelashes, eyelash serum. If I don't have an eyelash serum on I don't have eyelashes."

influencers; social media; social media mental health; mental health; plastic surgery; social media filters woman in black off-shoulder shirt sitting on brown wooden stairs Photo by Jon Ly on Unsplash

The woman then starts pointing out sections on her face where she receives botox before adding, "I've had multiple lip flips in my life. Nails are busted but they are in fact fake. Tan is fake. Teeth are not fake but they were thousands of dollars and five years worth of braces and dental work and then on top of that, whitening the f**k out of my teeth every single week so they look like this. None of this is natural. I don't want any young girl following me to think that this is a natural beauty standard."

While Mila admits that there may be some people out there that just naturally wake up looking like that, she does not. She explains that she's spent a lot of money to look the way she does so she can feel her best. It seems that she's hoping her honest video reaches teenagers who are falling into the trap of believing that people on the internet are naturally beautiful without trying. People in the comments were thrilled with the influencers honesty with some wanting others to do the same.

"WE NEED MORE INFLUENCERS LIKE YOU!!!!!" one person exclaims.

"THANK YOU! I would have needed this content when I was a kid," someone else says.

"Thank you. Sometimes I forget that people (can) get things done and I just assume everyone is as pretty as they come while scrolling," another writes.

influencers; social media; social media mental health; mental health; plastic surgery; social media filters woman getting cosmetic injectionsPhoto credit: Canva

"Thank you. Sometimes I forget that people (can) get things done and I just assume everyone is as pretty as they come while scrolling," someone shares.

Another commenter shares that she hopes things will go further, "This is definitely a huge step in the right direction. Maybe one day we can prove to little girls that it doesn’t take so much work to feel our best. Maybe we don’t feel the need to spend sooooo much time effort and hard earned money to finally feel content in our skin. Cause if it requires all of that maybe it’s not really contentment. Nothing against OP just bringing up a thought I had when I saw it."

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One item from 'When Harry Met Sally' bonds Gen Z and Boomers, and it's probably not what you'd think

TikTokers branded it a "winter essential."

via Canva, Castlerock Entertainment
Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal crouch down.

Billy Crystal wasn't the first in line to play Harry Burns in the 1989 rom-com When Harry Met Sally. Not by a long shot. In fact, director Rob Reiner considered Albert Brooks, Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford, Michael Keaton, Richard Dreyfuss, and Bill Murray for the part before him. Incidentally, according Business Insider, Albert Brooks thought it was too much like a "Woody Allen film," and Hanks believed it to be too "lightweight."

Crystal, who was best friends with Reiner, wound up exceeding expectations to pull out an iconic, grumpy performance that even the most cynical person could love.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Well, not everyone loved it. Just last year, a tweet went viral that revealed many Gen Z-ers had a real tough time with Billy Crystal as a leading man. And they weren't being especially shy about it. Emily Lefroy writes for Daily Mail, "The debate began after X user Zoe Rose Bryant responded to a post asking users to share the 'romcom scene that literally changed the trajectory of your life.'" Zoe then posted a clip from the Nora Ephron-penned classic and wrote, "You simply can't beat the blueprint."

The comment section disagreed, with many claiming Billy wasn't attractive enough for Meg Ryan's Sally. Ouch.

In the subreddit r/unpopularopinion, someone posted a similar sentiment claiming in part, "Harry's character is very unattractive, largely because he is a rude and condescending person. Sally is beautiful but annoying. The romantic scenes are cringy, mostly because Harry is such a jerk and so unappealing as a romantic lead."

This young Millennial writes, "I just tried to watch it for the first time (I'm 32), and I just couldn't do it. It's such a slog. I made it to right after they sleep together, and I had to stop it to take a break and watch something else… Harry is a d#$k and Sally just sucks."

They didn't like the deli orders either. "The way she places orders at restaurants isn't quirky, it's just awful." And they even had a note for the music composer: "Also, why is this movie so quiet? It might be an '80s thing, but the lack of a background score makes the scenes feel so awkward and cringe. I don't want to hear the click-clack of their shoes when they walk. And I certainly don't want to hear how wet their kissing is."

When Harry Met Sally, Castlerock Entertainment, Iconic movie scene, Meg RyanMeg Ryan sits at a diner in "When Harry Met Sally."Giphy

This Redditor agrees: "Honestly, I think it's a movie for Boomers who thought it was groundbreaking to show a man and a woman trying to be friends."

As if a Boomer just heard their name and perked up, they emphatically enter the chat, explaining, "The arrogant, self-centered character trait is the key issue! They’re young and dumb! Just like I was and practically everyone else I know when they were young. I’m in my sixties now. Young people mostly go through life with their heads shoved far up their a$es. Both sexes. It takes time and hard experience to pull their heads out. I don’t know if you’re young—don’t take this as a personal insult. But Harry is a spot-on portrayal of myself and Sally is my wife."

There's more. In a different thread entitled "What exactly is so amazing about When Harry Met Sally," a Millennial writes, "I watched it recently for the first time. I was born after it was released if that matters—if it was considered a movie of its time. I just don't really see the magic in it… I just don't really feel a yearning for Harry and Sally to fall in love."

This time, fellow Redditors really take the time to teach the OP, with one even including a character analysis for both Harry and Sally. Once the OP understands that Harry is like "this generation's Chandler Bing," they get a better overall grasp of the role, but still don't love the film.

One thing that does unite Gen Z with their older counterparts? Harry's sweater. Lydia Hawken writes for Mail Online that "TikTokers have rebranded the cable knit jumper (sweater) a 'winter essential.'"

Maybe we'll never prove that men and women can just be friends. But we do know that fashion trends can cross the generational aisle in the best of ways.

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Gen Z grew up in a screen-saturated world. They're vowing to raise their kids differently.

As Gen Z approaches parenting age, they say refuse to raise "iPad kids."

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Gen Z is planning to take a restrictive approach to their own kids when it comes to screens.

As a parent of three Gen Zers ages 15, 19 and 23, I spent many years fending off children begging, pleading and cajoling for screens and screen time of one sort or another. From around ages 9 to 14 with each child, I fielded question after question and complaint after complaint about them not having a phone and/or the limits my husband and I placed on their screen usage. It was exhausting to stick to our guns on that front (especially with our one child who would make an excellent lawyer). But we held the line, hoping and praying that someday they all would thank us for it.

Sure enough, each one of them has thanked us for it. Phew.

In fact, they've all started talking about how their own kids won't have any screens at all until they really need to, which is more restriction than we placed on them even.

"Good for you!" I tell my them. "And good luck." Their convictions are admirable, but little do they know that it's not as easy as it looks.

As the first full generation to be raised in the internet-enabled, screen-saturated world, Gen Z (approximately ages 11 to 26) has grown up in uncharted waters. Pretty much every adult they've ever known has carried and used a smartphone. Their educations have included hand-held screens from their earliest years, as the "edutainment" industry has exploded. Today's older kids and young adults became tech-savvy very young, they've been marketed to with various addictive apps their entire childhoods and have felt the pressures of social media throughout their formative years.

And Gen Z's parents have had to navigate those uncharted waters, raising kids in an online world we didn't have ourselves as children and struggling mightily to find a balance for them amid the digital chaos,. In an era where parents often need to work and childcare is prohibitively expensive, devices have become the easiest temporary babysitter, and a moderate amount of screen time (whatever "moderate" means) feels practically inevitable. Even the experts no longer have set screen time limit recommendations, but rather encourage parents to be conscious and engaged with what their children are using screens for. (In my former teacher opinion, there's a significant difference between setting up a child with an interactive app that teaches kids math or reading or geography and leaving a child with unbridled access to the internet.)

We also live in a world where people in general use our devices for almost everything and where sites like YouTube can be valuable tools. It's a reality that kids will not just get their own devices eventually, but will actually need to. But when, which one, how much, how often, what to limit and allow at what ages can be overwhelming questions for parents to navigate. Very few of us have managed to strike a balance that feels right. Sometimes I've worried we were being too strict and other times I worried we were too lenient. With each kid, especially when we were thrown into pandemic isolation, determining healthy screen time became more complicated.

But now that a good chunk of Gen Z are officially adults and starting to think about how they want to parent their own kids, they're surprisingly Luddite-like. After years and years of wanting screen time, getting screen time, and seeing how screen time can be filled with pitfalls, and also after observing Gen Alpha's early screen addictions, they don't want the same for their kids.

Interestingly, some Gen Zers are even trying to limit their own screen time by switching to 90s-style flip phones—or "dumb phones" as they now say.

Some are also pleading with their fellow Gen Zers to vow not to raise "iPad kids" who can't behave without having a screen shoved into their hands. Gabe Escobar garnered 25 million views with his "iPad kids" rant, with countless Gen Zers in the comments agreeing with him.

@gabesco

seriously pls we cant let it happen #genz #genalpha #ipadkid

And these Gen Zers aren't just kneejerk-reflex saying they don't want their kids to have screens at all. They understand that technology is a tool we all need and kids need to have access to learn how to use it. But they're watching the struggles of Gen Alpha and seeing how giving kids the excessive amount of screen time that they themselves probably begged their parents for at one point actually impacts them. It's not that they don't want their kids on screens at all, but it appears Gen Z is preparing for their parenting approach with foresight and wisdom, which is great to see.

@hopeyoufindyourdad

@gabesco I am fully on board with what this creator is saying although kids having ipads is a bit inevitable at this point the real issue is regulation and parenting styles #genz #genalpha #millennial #parenting #ipadkid #greenscreenvideo #greenscreen

I just hope they're prepared for how exhausting it is to fight that battle with their kids when the time comes. But at the very least, they can speak from experience when they tell their kids that they'll thank them someday for the limits.

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