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Mental Health

Wellness expert explains what 'self-care' really is and it's not what we've been sold

Self-care doesn't need to cost you a thing.

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Self-care is not what we've be taught one therapist explains

Self-care. It's something that has been co-opted by wellness influencers and gurus that somehow (and all-too-often) involves spending money on something luxurious. Self-care is often branded as things like pedicures, vacations, and hour-long massages at the spa, but according to Dr. Raquel Martin, we've been doing self-care all wrong.

In July 2024, Martin—a licensed psychologist—uploaded a video to her Instagram explaining what self-care is truly supposed to be. Spoiler alert? It's not meant to be indulgent. At least, indulgence shouldn't be an all-the-time expectation of self-care. Martin acknowledges that the wellness industry has monetized and conflated self-care with self-indulgence, and she explains that having self-care propped up as something that is indulgent isolates people who cannot afford those types of activities.

The psychological toll for conflating self-care with self-indulgence can get dangerously high. In the 2020 Psychology Today article, "Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?", author and licensed psychologist Alicia H. Clark Psy.D notes that "indulgence stops being self-care when you feel guilty or unhappy with yourself, and this threshold is different for everyone." She goes on to say that "one person's self-caring indulgence can be another's gateway to self-harm, depending on your relationship with the activity, your capacity for moderation, and the reality of its consequences." This makes wellness influencers who tout a heavily indulgent, "treat yo' self" ideology of self-care all the more dangerous. Self-care is not one size fits all, and for those who struggle with self-discipline and moderation, the mindset can do more harm than good.

self-care, indulgence, moderation, treats, discipline Parks And Recreation Treat Yo Self GIFGiphy

So, what is self-care actually? How is it achieved? And is it always supposed to feel good? Dr. Martin goes on to share how she practices self-care, and what she lays out was surprising her viewers. According to Martin, "Self-care is not responding to every call and, if I do not have the bandwidth to have the conversation, stating that I don't have the bandwidth to have the conversation." She also notes that she says "No" to things she doesn't want to do, sets a financial budget, and does not drink caffeine after 4 p.m.

These things might seem a little boring when compared to indulgent self-care, but one thing is clear: these self-care practices are actually good for Martin's body, health, and overall wellness.

Much of what Martin listed are things a lot of people don't consider as self-care, but in actuality, self-care is defined simply by taking care of one's self. This means practicing self-care is getting in a few minutes of exercise a day, drinking more water, or spending time with friends. You don't have to spend money to care for yourself.

yoga, exercise, movement, body, health, self-careA woman practices Yoga.Image via Canva.

Commenters were shocked and thankful for Martin's clarification on what self-care is actually supposed to be:

"Love this list!! As a massage therapist, I have to call out the misconception that massage is indulgent. I'm always telling my patients that self care is more than a bath. I will be sharing this list with my patients. I'm also trying to make massage more accessible," one person writes.

"Thank you for this post. I’m internalizing your advice to see how I can apply. You resonated with my thoughts on so many levels. However, you also provided some clarity and food for thought/fuel for action," another says.

"I really appreciate what you said about pallet cleansers! Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I'm not able to read and consume and learn about all the issues different people are facing. It's really important to me to learn about those things, not just for awareness, but also so I can do something about it. But self care is so important throughout that, like leaving my phone in the other room, or watching my comfort shows like you said. I often read kids books or TV because of how horrible the world is right now, and I need something extremely wholesome to balance it out. Also, workshop? I'm not sure what that means but I like learning from you. Thanks," another viewer shares.

So, maybe it's time to collectively ditch those indulgent expectations of self-care and really take a look at ways we can actually care for ourselves instead.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Health

Gardening might be the most comprehensive workout for your body, mind and spirit

There are so many health benefits to gardening, it's kind of ridiculous.

Photo by Ny Menghor on Unsplash

Gardening is a full-body workout.

May in the Northern Hemisphere means gardening season kicks into full swing. Both expert and amateur gardeners are consulting their Plant Hardiness Zones Map (which has changed this. year, by the way) and heading out to their local plants shops to buy vegetable and flower starters, fillings spots amid perennials that are popping up and seedlings started earlier indoors.

Gardening is an enjoyable hobby for some and a dietary necessity for others, but no matter what motivates you to tend a garden, there's no question that it's good for you. In fact, gardening might just be the best exercise there is for overall health.

Anyone who's worked in their yard knows it's surprisingly physical. We have these visions of old people puttering around in their gardens, but that "puttering" is actually a solid workout. Pulling weeds and digging holes may not give you jacked biceps and a snatched waist, but when it comes to the kinds of recommended exercise that can help you live a longer, healthier life, it's hard to beat gardening.

Here are some of the physical, mental and spiritual health benefits of gardening:

Gardening is good for your heart

The Centers for Disease Control consider gardening an official form of exercise, and according to the Mayo Clinic, you might burn as many calories during a busy gardening session as you do at the gym. It's recommended that people get 150 minutes a week of cardiovascular exercise, so gardening for half an hour five days a week will tend both your plants and. your heart.

Gardening has also been shown to lower stress levels. Chronic stress is a significant risk factor for heart disease, gardening can help mitigate that risk.

woman in gardening gloves squatting next to a garden bed

Squatting and pulling are just two ways gardening works your muscles.

Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

Gardening works every major muscle group

According to Maryland Primary Care Physicians, "Digging, lifting bags of mulch and pushing wheelbarrows all provide strength training similar to weight lifting, which leads to healthier bones and joints." Such activities work every major muscle group—legs, buttocks, arms, shoulders, neck, back and abdomen.

One thing gardening has going for it over other forms of exercise is that most of that muscle work is low-impact, so you get the benefit of a good workout without jarring and stress on your joints.

Gardening can help keep your brain sharp

Those of us who haven't gardened much might assume that it's a pretty basic activity—put plants in dirt, water them sometimes, and voila! A garden. Alas, it's not that simple at all, but the complexity of it actually part of why it's so good for your brain. There are thousands of plants, each with their own specifications for growing and thriving. You have to know about soil composition, you have to take humidity levels, temperatures and sunlight into consideration, and as the weather changes you have to adjust and problem-solve to get the most out of your garden. Perhaps that's one reason why a study found that daily gardening is associated with a 36% reduced risk of dementia.

Gardening is good for overall mental health

In the digital age of constant distractions pulling our attention in a million different directions, gardening can offer a much-needed respite. As Penn State Master Gardener Kayla Oaster writes, "Connecting with the natural world, in general, helps relieve people from attention fatigue. Gardening is a great hands-on experience with nature. Working with the soil, smelling the plants and dirt, feeling the different textures, and seeing all the green foliage and flowers can help relax the mind and ground yourself. When you ground yourself, you reduce stress, anxiety, and even built-up anger."

Psychologist Seth J. Gillihan PhD takes it several steps further, explaining how gardening can help with mental health by helping people practice acceptance of things they can't control (weather, organic growth), moving beyond perfectionism and developing a growth mindset (mistakes will be made), staying in the present (focusing on what's in front of you) and reducing stress.

one person handing another person a bowl of cherry tomatoes

Gardening can help you connect with people.

Photo by Elaine Casap on Unsplash

Gardening connects you to community

While gardening is often a solo activity, the hobby of it connects you to a whole community of gardeners who are often happy to share knowledge, seeds, cuttings and more. Additionally, you can share whatever you grow—vegetables, flowers, whatever—with your neighbors and friends. Gardening offers plenty of opportunity to socialize, and having strong social ties is linked to increased resilience to anxiety and depression.

Gardening can be a meditative—some might say spiritual—practice

As you connect your hands with the Earth on the outside, you can also connect with yourself—your soul, your spirit, whatever you want to call your inner being—on the inside. Many people find gardening to be a meditative practice that helps them practice mindfulness and inner peace and connection And there are so many qualities needed for gardening that parallel qualities used in spiritual practice—patience, perseverance, surrendering control, reverence for beauty and more. Gardening means being up close and personal with nature, which can help people feel more connected to the source of life, whatever they perceive or beleive it to be. Many religion's scriptures use plant and garden metaphors to elucidate spiritual concepts, so gardening can help us deepen our understanding of spiritual teachings as well.

If you're looking for a comprehensive exercise that will not only provide a healthy workout for your body but also help sharpen your mind and nurture your spirit, try planting and tending a garden. Just make sure it's large or complex enough for you to reap the full benefits.

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Pop Culture

Woman who moved to Italy lists the most basic human needs Americans now have to pay for

Remember when these things used to be free? They still are in some places.

@cioaamberc/TikTok, Canva

"As Americans we've removed everything we actually need in daily life."

How many times have you, or someone in your circle, made this joke:

“I can’t seem to go outside without spending money!”

But, as with many jokes, there’s some dark truth layered in. Life just feels a little hard right now for many of us when it comes to finances. And one person has hit the nail on the head as to why. Spoiler alert: it probably has nothing to do with anyone being lazy.

Amber Cimiotti, a mom of two and expat living in Italy, begins her video by noting how America has removed naturally occurring activities like “exercise, talking to friends, connecting with people, spending time with our kids,” from everyday life. And so now, Americans only have access to these very necessary things if they are able to pay for them.

For example—let’s talk about exercise. Cimiotti notes how "there's not many places, neighborhoods, and cities where it's super easy to walk everywhere, where you can get a lot of natural exercise, whether it's walking to and from your house or to the grocery stores. This just doesn't exist for most people now, so you have to wake up earlier on your lunch break or after work; you have to go to the gym so you can get in your exercise." Which means someone has to have anywhere between $40 to upwards of $300+ a month to invest in their physical health in this way.

Next up—mental health resources, primarily in the form of real conversations in a supportive community. Cimiotti says “people are meant to share their struggles, their stories, everyday, constantly. And we’re not doing that. And what do you see happening? Nowadays, everybody needs a therapist. Yes, therapy is needed for some things but most people just need to be talking to people way more. And I don’t mean like trolling on the internet.”

Also—child care. "There used to be kids running around neighborhoods all the time. Parents didn't have to pay all this extra money to do activities so their kids can be involved in things; parents didn't have to drive all over the place... But now that doesn't exist. So we do need to pay for activities,” Cimiotti says.

Lastly—food. “Eating healthy food in America is a part-time job, if not a full-time job…it would all be so much easier if we just had healthy food in general.” I don’t think Cimiotti needs to convince anyone here that quality food (food in general, really) is definitely not accessible for many folks, and high prices are at least partially to blame.

“The point is when things don’t happen naturally in your day and you need to take extra energy to achieve basic things like healthy food, exercise, talking to friends, which helps regulate emotions and things like that…when you have to build those into therapy sessions, exercise sessions, hobbies, reading 17 books…of course you’ll be tired,” Cimiotti concludes with a big sigh.

@ciaoamberc #america #culture #family #friends #parenting #society ♬ original sound - Ciao AmberC

Down in the comments, people seemed to really resonate with what Cimiotti had to say.

One reader commented, “I’m totally convinced that a lot of therapy effects could be achieved by processing time with an array of friends in different stages of life. Which isn’t possible to mutually schedule like therapy.”


And while Cimiotti’s video might be sobering, she tells Buzzfeed that her hope is it can lead to more conversations that “help lead to a change.”

Judging by some of the viewer reactions, it seems she’s succeeded, at least in helping people not blame themselves for their challenges. One person shared, “It’s so validating to hear cause I feel like I never have enough time to just live well and not be completely exhausted and have space left to do fun stuff!”

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Pop Culture

'Bluey' creators have perfect response after 'Exercise' episode sparks concern from parents

Several claimed the episode perpetuated harmful messages about exercise and body weight.

@laceyjadechristie/TikTok

Bandit, Bluey's dad, laments his weight and says he needs to exercise.

The Australian kids' cartoon “Bluey” is pretty universally loved by young and old audiences alike. People appreciate the show’s unique way of blending wholesome humor with mundane or even difficult situations in a way that feels both mature and whimsical.

On a recent “Bluey” episode titled “Exercise,” Bluey’s father, Bandit, becomes disappointed after stepping on the bathroom scale, grabbing his tummy and declaring he needs to start exercising.

"Oh man...I just need to do some exercise," Bandit laments.

"Tell me about it," Bluey's mother, Chilli, chimes in before stepping on the scale herself and shares a similar reaction to her own numbers.

Responses to the episode were mixed. Many viewers in Australia who watched the episode expressed concern that it subliminally sent some toxic messages around body weight—in particular, the message of equating exercise with losing weight rather than overall health.

@laceyjadechristie I have so many thoughts about this scene and I am so interested To see what you think. #bluey #fatshaming #bodypositivity #fatliberation #parenting ♬ original sound - Lacey-Jade Christie

One viewer wrote on Twitter: “I adore @OfficialBlueyTV & the messages it sends [but] watching Bandit stand on a scale & squeeze his belly, frowning, sends a msg to kids that fat = bad & exercise = weight loss. V upsetting.”

Some felt that the show merely reflected an honest part of parenting and that the backlash was unwarranted.

“I am a parent and I felt really seen by this—your body changing after kids because you don’t have the time or energy to exercise like before.”

Still, a few actual health professionals chimed to affirm how the scene could be problematic. Over on Instagram, pediatric dietitian Dr. Kyla Ringrose explained that while she loved the show for being so relatable to parents, the show “missed a big opportunity” to teach kids the other more intrinsic benefits of exercise, rather than once again having ”trusted adults (albeit dogs!) expressing dissatisfaction with how their body looks. All bodies are good bodies.”

Ringrose added: “If this episode were remade so the first 30 seconds were about Bandit not having energy or Chilli feeling a bit flat, and they decide to get some movement in to feel well, I’d be all for it. @OfficialBlueyTv how about it?”

“Bluey” creators took notice of the complaints, and immediately revised the episode for both ABC (Australian Broadcast Corporation) and the BBC.

The new scene can be seen online thanks to generous souls on TikTok. The clip below, shared by “Bluey” enthusiast @AussieGirlMagic, shows a side-by-side comparison of the two versions. This time around, Bandit is seen simply whipping out the fitness mat and putting on the exercise playlist.

@aussiegirlmargie Ludo studios listened to HEALTH PROFESSIONALS and changed the Bluey episode Exercise from season 3 #bluey #blueytok #blueyseason3 #blueyexercise #disney #ludostudios #blueyheeler #banditheeler ♬ Bluey Theme Tune - Bluey

So far, many have applauded the decision, particularly those who had to grow up with their own issues around exercise that began with early messaging.

Here are a few comments from TikTok:

“I’m glad they did this, seeing my parents focusing so much on their body image as a kid really affected how I see my own.”

“Love to see it! I’m glad they were so receptive to the genuine concerns around health and wellness.”

“As someone with an ED, I’m really glad they made this decision.”

“This is great! Exercise should be motivated out of health and fun, not out of shame or fear of weight.”

Though this “Bluey” episode has yet to air in the U.S., it’s safe to assume that American audiences will be watching the edited version when that happens.

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