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Men falling into quick sand, molasses, meditation.

First of all, you're not alone. Feeling "stuck" can—and usually does—happen at any stage of life. It's not a reflection of your success status, your love attachment, or even necessarily your choices. But it can feel like you're walking in sticky molasses with no way out. These feelings could range from mere procrastination on small tasks to a bigger picture "stuckness" wherein you might feel an existential angst that seems to freeze your ability to make change.

While many therapists offer helpful solutions on how to get "unstuck," non-experts have creative ideas too, and they are surprisingly simple.

In 30 seconds flat, Stanford professor Graham Weaver shares ways to become unstuck, which he also imparts on his students. He begins by asking four questions: "What am I avoiding? I need to go right at that." So, let's say you've got mounds of paperwork on your desk and just can't bring yourself to go through it. This creates a cycle of stuckness, because until you tackle that task, you might not be able to move on to the next thing. Naming it is the first step to addressing it.

@grahamcweaver

How to get unstuck. Four simple tips. #growth #stuck #selfimprovement #mindsetmotivation #lifeadvice #personaldevelopment #goals

He then advises to ask the question, "Where do I start?" Good question, right? His answer is easy: "Translate my goal into something simple I can do today." This could merely be sending an email about a job opportunity or, ya know, going through at least a portion of that mountain of paperwork.

The third question he proposes is, "How do I 'win' today? Just write down three things I can move forward on today, and then get up and repeat that tomorrow." Your three things can be as simple or complex as you'd like. Example: Pay the minimum payment (if not all) of a bill. Send an email about a project idea. Change your sheets.

And lastly, he asks, "What are the habits that are interfering with where I want to go?" This is probably the most important and possibly most difficult when trying to assess your stuckness. (For me, it's a lack of focus. I'll begin doing something creative or practical, and then I'll start scrolling Instagram for hours. Since I can't change that, I put my phone in a drawer for as long as possible and give myself a goal of at least one hour without it. Baby steps.)

Just recently on Reddit, someone posted the question: "How do you quickly get out of a rut situation and take actions?" They describe feeling stuck, and in part share, "I want to learn skills. I want to mainly overcome fears and complete tasks that I’ve been neglecting to do. Now I always feel like I’m not good enough. I don’t have the proper plan and basic idea how to achieve goals. So my mind automatically chooses to procrastinate, yet in the background, all I do is worry about my life problems."

Redditors recognized themselves in this statement and many had solid ideas. The first commenter suggests literal movement. "For me, the way out was exercise. To start, once I got so frustrated with myself for lying around and doing nothing that I couldn't take it anymore, I would get up and go to the gym and use that frustration to get me moving. I noticed after I went to the gym I would feel so good, both physically and mentally. This spurred me to get more things done around the house, instead of just doing nothing."

 homer simpson, the simpsons, treadmill, excercise Homer tries to use the treadmill.  Giphy 20th Century Fox 

Another echoes Weaver's idea of creating smaller goals that can help one, as he said, "win today." This Redditor shares, "What I have found works for me is just getting something done to build momentum, even if it's a small thing. Then I layer another small thing on top of that and keep going. Some people say do the difficult things first and get it out of the way. I am not built that way. I fear what's difficult and procrastinate. So I build up to it by gaining smaller victories."

This person offers what's called The Two Minute Method. "The two minute method (it has a million other names as well) is good. Just take one thing you know you need to be doing, and do it for 2 minutes. Generally, once you get going, you'll be able to do it for longer than that. The great barrier is inertia—objects at rest want to stay at rest."

While there were many other helpful answers from everyday Redditors, this person listed three excellent ideas in a row of things one can actually do right now to make a significant change: "If you’re on social media and often catch yourself mindlessly scrolling every time there’s a lull in the day, challenge yourself to delete the apps. For a week, for a month, etc. See how you feel!"

They add to motivate yourself through music. "If you’re a music person, put together some playlists based on the mood you’re trying to set. Need some light background noise for reading? Throw together some chill instrumental songs. Need a workout playlist? Gather all the songs that get you amped. If your library isn’t that deep you can always search for playlists on YouTube/Spotify."

And lastly, "Might sound silly, but meditation can be a great tool to help look inward, boost your morale, and set intentions for what you want to focus on. You can look up: affirmations meditation, motivation meditation, unstuck meditation."

Here's one of many meditations focused on unsticking:

  guided meditation, anxiety, feeling stuck, therapy  www.youtube.com, John Davisi 

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com



They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

hearing, millennials, regrets, millennial lessons, millennial regrets, loud music, headphonesA big millennial regret is not taking care of their hearingImage via Canva

1. "Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2. "Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

millennial advice, work life balance, regrets, millennial regrets, workMillennials wish they had learned about work/life balance soonerImage via Canva

3. "Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4. "Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

millennials, smoking, cigarettes, quitting smoking, millennial regrets, millennial adviceMillennials smoke less than previous generations but it's still a big regret for manyImage via Canva

5. "Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6. "Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7. "I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

8. "Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9. "I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10. "I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

millennials, millennial regrets, millennial advice, indecision, life choices Indecision can be a bigger regret than making the wrong decisionImage via Canva

11. "I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12. "Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

How To Save $10,000 FASTwww.youtube.com

13. "I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14. "If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15. "Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

sunscreen, skin cancer, millennials, millennial regrets, millennial adviceMillennials were the first generation to really adopt wearing sunscreenImage via Canva

16. "Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17. "Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses."

18. "When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19. "I imagine these are kinda universal: Not getting fit and healthyAssuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goalsAssuming higher education would help me achieve my goalsSpending far too long caring what people thinkNot taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to loseStaying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

millennials, finance, fair pay, salary, millennial advice, financial advice, millennial regretsLearning to ask for fair pay was a big challenge for most Millennials Image via Canva

20. "Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply


21. "Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella


This article originally appeared three years ago.

Community

People share things they imagined they’d never do but now totally love

Proof that we shouldn’t limit ourselves with “never.”

person showing green plant

Most of us have things we're willing to try and other things we swear we'll never do. Some of those "nevers" are actually smart boundaries—definitely shouldn't knock "never" entirely—but some things we unnecessarily omit from the list of possibilities simply because we think they aren't for us or that we won't actually enjoy them.

However, "never say never" is a saying for a reason. How many of us thought we'd never like a food that we've actually grown to love? How many hidden talents or interests have we discovered by trying something we assumed wasn't our thing?

Someone on Reddit asked, "What’s something you thought you’d never do that you found out is actually really enjoyable?" and people's responses are surprisingly inspiring. If you've ever thought any of these things wouldn't be up your alley, take a look at what others say about their experiences. Maybe it really isn't for you, but maybe—just maybe—you'll discover a new love when you start letting go of some "nevers."


Being a workout person

"Going to the gym regularly - hated it at first, but now it’s my therapy."

"One of my few discoveries too. Staying active and working out really does clear your head and also pumps me up enough to have energy throughout the day."

"Yes!! I go to a hard-core class 4x a week now and I feel better!"

"I hated it at first as I felt lost in regards to exercise selection and hate eating (eating in a calorie surplus is necessary for building muscle) but once I noticed I was no longer the skinniest guy in the room and had a decent (not huge) amount of muscle I kept at it."

"I never thought I'd say this, but going to the gym has actually become something I really enjoy! I was trying to lose weight last year and I met a really nice trainer who taught me a lot of tips. And now I lost 20 pounds, have a healthier body, and strength training even makes my nasolabial folds lighter."

"Weightlifting, who knew taking out my anger on some heavy barbells would make me feel EXCELLENT, keep my weight low, make me strong looking, and give me a place and activity to hang with my friends that wasn’t a bar?"

Gardening

"Gardening. I was raised a city kid. Rented a house for a bit in a neighborhood where people took real pride in their yards, so out of respect, I tried to spruce the yard up a bit with plants.

Very little in life has such solace and reward. Not everything you plant works out, but it's peaceful digging the hole and putting it in the ground and months later, if it lives and blooms, you know you did that. You made that happen. And every spring that flower will return and brighten your day and you know that you put it there and it lived."

"This for me as well. I love spending hours pottering around my garden and spending a fortune growing food that mostly gets eaten by the critters. Massively beneficial for my mental health."

"This is my 2nd year having a small veggie garden, and last year I struggled a lot. Most things died besides my green beans and my cayenne peppers. This year has been so much better. My pride and joy is my Scotch Bonnet plant that I grew from seeds that I almost killed and thought for sure wasn't going to make it. It's thriving and I just harvested a bunch of peppers. It's very rewarding to me."

"I hated it too until I finally realized - I don’t hate gardening, I hate being dirty. I got proper gloves and waterproof clogs and I’ve transformed my yard into a paradise."

"I thought gardening was just for retirees and super serious people. Turns out, digging in the dirt while talking to plants is surprisingly therapeutic and makes you feel like a horticultural wizard with magical plant-growing powers!"

Giving up alcohol or other addictions

"Give up drinking. It wasn’t easy, but damn are my weeks, nights and days better without alcohol."

"Amen. I needed rehab but I’m 7 months and 1 day sober. Never thought I’d quit, figured it would kill me someday. February 8th this year I decided I was done and needed help. I asked for it and I got it. Life is so much better. Even the bad days are handled so much more constructively. Best thing (and scariest) I’ve ever done."

""Never thought I’d quit, figured it would kill me someday." yeah man i'm just shy of 4 months, I feel that IN MY BONES. its funny how bad things that would have been the end of the world earlier are now just inconveniences."

"This 100% I'm going on 4 months now after drinking nearly every day for the last 14 years. It's like I was asleep all that time. Life is completely different for the better."

"Keep going my man! Addiction is a curse. I had the same problem with weed. Since I stopped, my life took a U turn."

Hiking and kayaking

"Hiking/walking trails. It was terrible the first few times I did it and had terrible soreness in my feet days after. Now, I can do 6 miles a day with virtually no pain."

"I used to hate hiking because I always thought it was just "Walking but with added challenge". Then I started going on more hikes in places I had never been before and I understood. It's not about getting to somewhere specific, it's about enjoying the walk itself!"

"Going hiking! I thought it’d be boring, but it’s actually so refreshing and fun. Totally changed my view!"

"Yes! I thought I was too weak and delicate to go hiking, but one year later, I hiked up a mountain! It's a daily view on my commute, and I can't help but smile whenever I see it."

"Kayaking. Being that far from civilization is the closest I’ve ever felt to free and at peace:)"

"Kayaking is really soothing and fun!"

"My wife and I just started kayaking last summer, and it allows me to clear my mind and paddle. I am far far from being fit, but I've learned that it's both relaxing and a great workout."

Miscellaneous honorable mentions

"I’ve recently picked up cooking and painting. Didn’t think I was talented enough to paint but it turns out I can- I just paint abstract things"

"Public speaking. I used to hate it, but now I find it exhilarating!"

"Meditating. I was convinced I could not shut off my brain (it's still a challenge). But just sitting quietly with my thoughts for 10 or 15 minutes really does remind me that whatever's weighing heavily on my mind really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things."

"Being openly honest about my feelings, insecurities, faults, etc, in somewhat of a humorous, self deprecating way. I found out that when you’re open about those things that others will almost immediately start agreeing and opening up themselves about the same issues. I learned that I’m not nearly as alone as I thought I was, and most of those feelings are pretty common among other people. It’s quite liberating!"

"Basket weaving! I was at a medieval market and some guy sat there doing a presentation of it and letting people have a go. I tried it too and enjoyed it greatly! The repetitiveness of the work really lets you unwind and relax your mind."

"Driving a school bus for a living. I swore it was the one job I'd never do. Now I'm 5 years in and, as far as jobs go, I find it extremely rewarding and pretty fun."

All of these answers show that you just never know. Maybe one of your "nevers" will become a beloved activity if you give it a try.



Health

Gardening might be the most comprehensive workout for your body, mind and spirit

There are so many health benefits to gardening, it's kind of ridiculous.

Photo by Ny Menghor on Unsplash

Gardening is a full-body workout.

May in the Northern Hemisphere means gardening season kicks into full swing. Both expert and amateur gardeners are consulting their Plant Hardiness Zones Map (which has changed this. year, by the way) and heading out to their local plants shops to buy vegetable and flower starters, fillings spots amid perennials that are popping up and seedlings started earlier indoors.

Gardening is an enjoyable hobby for some and a dietary necessity for others, but no matter what motivates you to tend a garden, there's no question that it's good for you. In fact, gardening might just be the best exercise there is for overall health.


Anyone who's worked in their yard knows it's surprisingly physical. We have these visions of old people puttering around in their gardens, but that "puttering" is actually a solid workout. Pulling weeds and digging holes may not give you jacked biceps and a snatched waist, but when it comes to the kinds of recommended exercise that can help you live a longer, healthier life, it's hard to beat gardening.

Here are some of the physical, mental and spiritual health benefits of gardening:

Gardening is good for your heart

The Centers for Disease Control consider gardening an official form of exercise, and according to the Mayo Clinic, you might burn as many calories during a busy gardening session as you do at the gym. It's recommended that people get 150 minutes a week of cardiovascular exercise, so gardening for half an hour five days a week will tend both your plants and. your heart.

Gardening has also been shown to lower stress levels. Chronic stress is a significant risk factor for heart disease, gardening can help mitigate that risk.

woman in gardening gloves squatting next to a garden bed

Squatting and pulling are just two ways gardening works your muscles.

Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

Gardening works every major muscle group

According to Maryland Primary Care Physicians, "Digging, lifting bags of mulch and pushing wheelbarrows all provide strength training similar to weight lifting, which leads to healthier bones and joints." Such activities work every major muscle group—legs, buttocks, arms, shoulders, neck, back and abdomen.

One thing gardening has going for it over other forms of exercise is that most of that muscle work is low-impact, so you get the benefit of a good workout without jarring and stress on your joints.

Gardening can help keep your brain sharp

Those of us who haven't gardened much might assume that it's a pretty basic activity—put plants in dirt, water them sometimes, and voila! A garden. Alas, it's not that simple at all, but the complexity of it actually part of why it's so good for your brain. There are thousands of plants, each with their own specifications for growing and thriving. You have to know about soil composition, you have to take humidity levels, temperatures and sunlight into consideration, and as the weather changes you have to adjust and problem-solve to get the most out of your garden. Perhaps that's one reason why a study found that daily gardening is associated with a 36% reduced risk of dementia.

Gardening is good for overall mental health

In the digital age of constant distractions pulling our attention in a million different directions, gardening can offer a much-needed respite. As Penn State Master Gardener Kayla Oaster writes, "Connecting with the natural world, in general, helps relieve people from attention fatigue. Gardening is a great hands-on experience with nature. Working with the soil, smelling the plants and dirt, feeling the different textures, and seeing all the green foliage and flowers can help relax the mind and ground yourself. When you ground yourself, you reduce stress, anxiety, and even built-up anger."

Psychologist Seth J. Gillihan PhD takes it several steps further, explaining how gardening can help with mental health by helping people practice acceptance of things they can't control (weather, organic growth), moving beyond perfectionism and developing a growth mindset (mistakes will be made), staying in the present (focusing on what's in front of you) and reducing stress.

one person handing another person a bowl of cherry tomatoes

Gardening can help you connect with people.

Photo by Elaine Casap on Unsplash

Gardening connects you to community

While gardening is often a solo activity, the hobby of it connects you to a whole community of gardeners who are often happy to share knowledge, seeds, cuttings and more. Additionally, you can share whatever you grow—vegetables, flowers, whatever—with your neighbors and friends. Gardening offers plenty of opportunity to socialize, and having strong social ties is linked to increased resilience to anxiety and depression. 

Gardening can be a meditative—some might say spiritual—practice

As you connect your hands with the Earth on the outside, you can also connect with yourself—your soul, your spirit, whatever you want to call your inner being—on the inside. Many people find gardening to be a meditative practice that helps them practice mindfulness and inner peace and connection And there are so many qualities needed for gardening that parallel qualities used in spiritual practice—patience, perseverance, surrendering control, reverence for beauty and more. Gardening means being up close and personal with nature, which can help people feel more connected to the source of life, whatever they perceive or beleive it to be. Many religion's scriptures use plant and garden metaphors to elucidate spiritual concepts, so gardening can help us deepen our understanding of spiritual teachings as well.

If you're looking for a comprehensive exercise that will not only provide a healthy workout for your body but also help sharpen your mind and nurture your spirit, try planting and tending a garden. Just make sure it's large or complex enough for you to reap the full benefits.