Wife exposes the big double standard that exists between dad and mom hobbies
Is she the first person to realize this was happening?
Paige, a work-from-home mom of 4, recently exposed a double standard between husbands and wives that exists in many heterosexual family structures. According to Paige, men can enjoy hobbies that take them out of the home for long periods of time whereas women are forced to choose hobbies that work around their family’s schedule.
The video has received over 730,000 views on TikTok and earned over 1700 comments.
“Male hobbies typically take them outside of the home during the daytime during caretaking hours. Female hobbies often revolve around the schedules of their partner and their children and account for the domestic labor that they are handling and any kind of mental load that they carry,” she begins.
The mom notes that men’s hobbies include hunting, golf and training for marathons that take them away from the home and family for long hours. However, women’s hobbies, such as gardening, book clubs, painting, or yoga, can all be done while working around the family’s schedule at home or nearby.
Traditional male hobbies tend to take them away from the home and caretaking. This is made possible by the unpaid labor of women. women’s hobbies typically are scheduled around the needs of the family and take place outside of traditional caretaking hours. When women marry men, they lose time to unpaid labor, but when men marry women, they gain time. This plays into their ability to participate in hobbies. #domesticlabor #thementalload #unpaidlabor #millennialmoms #thementalloadofmotherhood #golfhusband
“We are able to and required to typically work our hobbies around the schedules of our families, whereas men's hobbies take them away from that,” Paige said. Men can take time away during caretaking hours because traditionally, women have been the default parents who are ultimately responsible for the brunt of the family’s domestic labor.
“So, men are able to leave the home for those extended periods of time during caretaking hours because they have a support at home. Most females do not feel like they have the same support when they would like to take on a hobby,” Paige said.
Paige proves the double standard by a hypothetical role reversal, such as joining a women’s golf league. “They may be met with a response that that is unfair, that takes them outside of the home, that is putting too much responsibility on the other partner, and that is not kind of equal division of labor, right?” she said.
This double standard has made Paige question whether moms enjoy the hobbies typically associated with married women. “Like often people joke like, oh, women love flowers and gardening. They don't all love that. One of the reasons they might get into it though is because they can do it from their home with their children. So it's something they can do together,” she said.
The post resonated with many women who want more balance in their relationships. "You could add to this video about mom's having guilt when it comes to their hobbies vs men who never think twice about taking part in their hobby," Michaela said.
"As a Dad, this is so aggravating. I cannot believe how many men do this to their partners," Steve Mollick added.
One mom chimed in with a clever way that her family deals with the gender hobby imbalance.
"My husband and I rotate weekend days off (I get Saturday, he gets Sunday usually) to be out of the house for 3 hours for whatever we want, and that has been the most amazing thing to happen to our relationship as a family. We both get time to decompress however we want every week," Lauren Reagan wrote.