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Her son came out. She called a gay bar for advice. The delightful conversation went viral.

Parenting done right.

Photo courtesy of Kara Coley.


Kara Coley, a bartender at Sipps in Gulfport, Mississippi, got an unusual phone call on the job last week.

"Good evening," Coley answered. "Thank you for calling Sipps!"

A woman on the other end of the line asked, "Is this a gay bar?"

Sipps welcomes everyone, Coley explained to her, but indeed attracts a mostly LGBTQ crowd.




"Can I ask you a question?" the caller followed up. "Are you gay?"

"Yes, ma'am," Coley said.

Then things got interesting.

"What was the one thing you wanted from your parents when you came out?" the woman continued.

Coley, who's tended bar for about 17 years, was a little caught off guard. In all her years of experience fielding requests and helping others working in the service industry, she'd never received a question like that.

Photo courtesy of Kara Coley.

"My son just came out to me," the woman continued on the other end of the line. "And I don't want to say anything that may mess him up in the head."

Coley thought for a moment. Then she asked the woman if she accepted her son for who he is.

The woman answered "yes."

"You should definitely let him know that you love and accept him!" Coley said. "I think everything will be OK from there!"

The woman thanked Coley for her input and they parted ways.

Later that night, in the early hours of Jan. 19, Coley decided to post the entire interaction to her Facebook page, noting how "random" it all had been.

In the days following, her post went viral, amassing over 1,500 likes and hundreds of shares.

So I got the most random phone call at the bar tonight! 😀Me:Good evening Thankyou for calling Sipps!Lady on phone: Is...
Posted by Kara Coley on Friday, January 19, 2018

The post's comment section soon filled with love and gratitude for Coley's simple but endearing answer.

"My heart is truly touched by this," one Facebook user wrote. "A parent wanting to support correctly, and a beautiful response. This is progress. This is love and acceptance in the rawest form."

"Kara, this old granny lesbian is so grateful for you, and for a parent that thought outside the box to get advice!" another user chimed in. "Keep being you!"

"[The response] has been amazing," Coley writes. She believes her post struck a chord with friends and strangers alike because people are looking for encouraging news: "Every day people wake up and there's so much negativity in the world — people just need a breath of fresh air!"

For parents to an LGBTQ child, it's still vital to understand the facts too, Coley noted: "Educate yourself [on LGBTQ issues] and do a little research."

Ideally, parents should have access to better resources than their local gay bar when it comes to getting help with LGBTQ parenting. At the end of the day, though, the best thing you can do as a parent is make sure your kid understands you're there through thick and thin.

"Just knowing you have someone in your corner takes a little weight off your shoulders," Coley wrote.

Learn more about being a good ally as a parent of an LGBTQ child at PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). If you're a young LGBTQ person who needs help, resources are available at The Trevor Project.


This article originally appeared on 1.24.18

From Your Site Articles
Identity

Simple ways to support your trans friends when they come out.

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Some tools to help us stand beside people we love and support.

For many gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people, one of the most personal (and sometimes scary) experiences they'll go through is the "coming out" process.

Coming out means telling others of your status as an LGBTQ person. As society is becoming more accepting of people's sexual orientation and gender identity, coming out is getting easier all the time. Even so, for many, it's still a carefully calculated process that involves planning who, how, and when to tell people in their lives.

In 2016, writer and director Lilly Wachowski — known as co-creator of "The Matrix" series of films, "Jupiter Ascending," and "Sense8" — came out publicly as transgender.

It's so great that Lilly came to that realization about herself and started living more authentically. In 2012, her sister Lana also came out as trans. What's not cool about this is the fact that Lilly was forced to out herself, in a letter she chose to share with The Windy City Times, after a reporter from The Daily Mail threatened to do it without her permission.

Lilly Wachowski, transgender, The Matrix, LGBTQ

Lilly Wachowski came out as transgender in 2016.

t.co

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow — and telling a journalist definitely falls under "don't."

As a transgender person, one of the most common questions I get from strangers is: "My friend or family member recently told me that they're transgender. How can I support them?"

Below are five tips I give people who are thoughtful enough to ask.

1. Let them know they have your support.

If you're asking this question (or taking the time to look up an article on the subject), you're already on the right path. It's important to make sure your friend knows you're in their corner, as they're probably afraid of how others in their lives will react. A simple "If you need anything, I'm here for you" can go a long way.

2. Respect their identity, name, and pronouns.

Ask questions like "What are your pronouns?" and "How would you like me to refer to you in private and when we're around people who may not know you're transitioning?"

If somebody is just starting to come out to others, odds are that there are still some people who don't know and might still use old names and pronouns. Asking how you should react in those situations will help you avoid outing your friend to others who don't yet know.

3. Educate yourself — don't rely on your friend to educate you.

There are so many great resources on how to understand trans issues. While your friend may be happy to answer those initial personal questions about things like names and pronouns, they might become overwhelmed if you start treating them as a walking encyclopedia of all things trans.

I recommend PFLAG's amazing resource "Our Trans Loved Ones: Questions and Answers for Parents, Families, and Friends of People who are Transgender and Gender Expansive." The 102-page guide is a comprehensive piece of "Trans 101" literature that's bound to answer some of your questions (complete with some more thorough do's and don'ts).

4. Don't gossip about them or "out" them to others.

The only people you should be discussing your friend's gender with are people they've given you explicit permission to do so with. Going behind their back and outing them to someone they may not yet be ready to tell is not only a huge betrayal of their trust, but it could even put them in physical danger.

On top of that, when someone is hearing this news from a secondhand source (that is, you), some of the important details may get lost in translation, which get further garbled if this person tells someone else — it eventually turns into a game of telephone, and no one wants that.

A vigil for slain transgender woman Islan Nettles at Jackie Robinson Park in Harlem in 2013. Nettles was severely beaten after being approached on the street by a group of men and later died of her injuries.

5. Understand that this is not about you and your feelings.

It's OK to feel confused, and it's OK to not immediately "get it." Those feelings are completely valid, but demanding to know why your friend didn't tell you sooner (they were probably wrestling with this themselves for quite some time) or saying you feel betrayed will only hurt them during an extremely vulnerable time in their life.

Nothing you did "made" your friend trans, and it's probably less that they were hiding something from you and more that they were hiding this reality from themselves.

Whether someone is a Hollywood director or a friend from high school, we should all have the right to come out at our own pace and in our own way.

Maybe years from now the aspect that makes this seem like such juicy gossip will fade and trans people won't have to worry about being forcibly outed. Maybe years from now trans people won't need to fear that coming out will be met with job loss, homelessness, or physical harm. Until then, it's important that those of us who care for our trans friends and family members do what we can do show we're there for them.

This article originally appeared on 03.09.16. It has been lightly edited.

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Identity

What's the best response to 'Dad, I think I'm gay'? Here are 20 of the funniest and most heartfelt.

There are some perfectly deplyed dad jokes in here.

via Anna Svets/Pexels and Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A young woman comes out to her father.

In a previous Upworthy article, we shared how dad jokes aren’t just a way for fathers to embarrass their children. But a way to build them up and teach resilience is by showing that it’s ok to embarrass yourself.

When a dad tells a joke that gets more of a groan than a laugh, it demonstrates his ability to handle an uncomfortable situation. According to researchers, dad jokes appear in many cultures and are a way for fathers to teach their kids that it’s okay to put themselves out there without worrying about what other people think.

A recent viral thread on Reddit shows how some fathers have used dad jokes to show how they accept their child’s sexuality in a way that made a tense situation comfortable for everyone.

A Redditor with the username Expert_Recover3061 asked the online forum, “What’s the best response to ‘Dad, I think I'm gay’?” the question received nearly 24,000 responses. Many of the stories were first-hand accounts of people who were afraid to broach such a sensitive topic with their father and were surprised he responded with love and a side of humor.

The responses are a great way to show people the best way to support their LGBTQ children. Here are 20 of the best replies to the question: “Dad, I think I'm gay.”

1.

"Your mother owes me £10." — PotterWhoLock01

2.

"You still have to wear a condom." — Ginchy1971

3.

"It's okay, your mother likes guys too, maybe I am the weird one." — Drendari·

4.

"'I thought you were about to give me bad news! Don’t scare me like that!' My granny when my uncle came out in the ‘70s. She was decades ahead of her time." — LongjumpingCake1924

5.

"One of my friends from high school was gay, and when he came out to his family his dad literally didn’t look up from his newspaper and told him his sister didn’t need to tell him she was straight so why would he need to explain that he was gay? He’s known him his whole life and already knew that. It was cute because he was so worried." — 0Diamond0

​6.

"You still have to take out the garbage." — Most_Original_329

7.

"When I came out to my dad when I was 16, I thought he would disown me. He said: 'Son If anyone ever hurts you for that, I’ll f**king kill them.' In that moment, I realized that I had the best dad in the world." — Winterpegs

8.

"This story does not involve a dad, but it involves a very religious grandma. One of my friends was very nervous about telling his grandma that he was gay, and put it off for a long time. But when he turned 18, he decided that he had to get this done. When he told her she just looked at him calmly and answered, 'Of course you are. I have known that since you were 10.' At the age of 10, he didn't even know it himself yet." — Ashtar-the-Squid

9.

"I was getting ready to go to a sleepover with a girl I was totally crushing on and my mom was like 'You look like you’re getting ready for a date!' And I paused and was like 'Would it be okay if I was….Going on a date with a girl?' My mom just said, 'Of course, just remember to practice safe sex. You can get STDs from girls too!'" — Psychological-Run679

10.

"Lesbian here. When I came out to my dad, he said 'That’s okay honey, I don’t like guys either.'” — wafflemaker9093

11.

"My daughter was looking extremely nervous one night while I was cooking dinner. I could see her talking quietly with her mom but she continued to look uneasy. After a bit of time, she came into the kitchen and I asked her what was wrong. She didn't want to tell me at first but I could tell she was uneasy so I said she could always tell me anything. She finally said that she was pansexual. I just looked at her and said 'That just means twice as many people that can turn you down for dates now' and she busted out laughing as I went back to cooking to finish dinner. She was apparently really nervous about telling me for some reason and was glad I wasn't upset." — tahquitz84

12.

"When my daughter told me she was gay, I just told her I loved her, and that none of that would change my feelings. Then I began giving her the heads up when hot ladies would walk by." — PLoddingClot

13.

"My stepdad, who I consider my dad, was the man that raised me, and he's a big redneck steel worker. I came out at 18 and he sat me down and said 'Son, I've loved you like you were my own for the past 14 years. Why the hell would I stop now?''" — KeyboardRoller

14.

"Take a note from Olivia Coleman in Heartstopper: 'Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't tell me that.' Honestly, that would have been the perfect thing to hear." — Amastarism

15.

"My friend's daughter came out to her parents when they were all over at my house. Her dad looked her dead in the eye, took a deep breath, and in his big, booming voice said 'DUUUH!' We all got a good laugh but he just said, 'Sweetheart, I couldn’t care less who you love. All I care about is that they treat you with love and respect and that you’re happy. And maybe your gf will like working on cars with me.'” — ItsMRslash

16.

"Hi gay, I think I’m dad. Seriously though when my son came out I just said he was my son and it changed nothing between us other than I was happy he was discovering himself and growing up. Any man who would abandon or shun his own son for being gay is no man at all." — Open_Action_1796

17.

"Firstly, I love you. Now, did you steal one of my beers?" — February83

18.

"When I came out my dad had the best response ever: 'Wow! Now maybe I'll get a son-in-law that I really like!' and then he hugged me." — Gracie305

19.

"A customer of mine told his gay and trans kids 'I’d still love ya even if you were straight!'" — RoyStokes

20.

"A guy in a Walmart parking lot was on the phone and screamed, 'I don't care if you're gay, as long as you marry someone rich!' And angrily hung up the phone." — Shecallsmeherangel

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Pop Culture

Robin Williams used the perfect gag to stop Oprah from outing Nathan Lane during live interview

“I’m not prepared to discuss that I’m gay on national television. I’m not ready.”

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Robin Williams distracts Oprah from outing Nathan Lane.

Robin Williams was a gem of a person. The comedian knew how to keep people laughing, but as the years go on after his untimely death, we hear more stories about what a good friend he was. Recently, Williams' kind nature was the topic of conversation between Willie Geist and "Murders in the Building" star Nathan Lane on "Sunday Today".

Lane sat down for an interview to discuss his new play, and during the conversation, he reminisced about his first big role in the 1996 movie, "The Birdcage." In the movie, he played a gay man that was married to Williams' character and the pair were trying to marry off their straight son to a nice woman who had conservative parents. For Lane, the movie mirrored part of his personal life as he was actually a gay man and not just playing a part for the screen.

But this was the 90s, when being gay wasn't as openly discussed or accepted as it is today, so it's understandable why Lane wasn't prepared for a public announcement.

Lane explained that when he and Williams were about to be interviewed by Oprah, he was nervous she would ask him about his sexuality, unintentionally forcing him to out himself.

"I said to Robin beforehand, 'I'm not prepared. I'm so scared of going out there and talking to Oprah. I'm not prepared to discuss that I'm gay on national television. I'm not ready,'" Lane told "Sunday Today". "He said, 'Oh, it's alright, don't worry about it. If you don't want to talk about it, we won't talk about it,'" the actor recalled.

Then came the moment of truth. Oprah started to poke at the question in a joking, roundabout way and that was Robin's cue to swoop in. With Lane now providing more context, you can see Williams distract the host with his typical wit and humor in the clip of the Oprah interview below.

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