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A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM UPWORTHY
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coming out

Identity

My wife surprised her coworkers when she came out as trans. Then they surprised her.

She was ready for one reaction but was greeted with a beautiful response.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

Zoe comes out to her coworkers.


Society, pay attention. This is important.

My wife, Zoe, is transgender. She came out to us — the kids and me — last summer and then slowly spread her beautiful feminine wings with extended family, friends, and neighbors.

A little coming out here, a little coming out there — you know how it is.

It's been a slow, often challenging process of telling people something so personal and scary, but pretty much everyone has been amazing.

However, she dreaded coming out at the office.

She works at a large technology company, managing a team of software developers in a predominantly male office environment. She's known many of her co-workers and employees for 15 or so years. They have called her "he" and "him" and "Mr." for a very long time. How would they handle the change?

While we have laws in place in Ontario, Canada, to protect the rights of transgender employees, it does not shield them from awkwardness, quiet judgment, or loss of workplace friendships. Your workplace may not become outright hostile, but it can sometimes become a difficult place to go to every day because people only tolerate you rather than fully accept you.

But this transition needed to happen, and so Zoe carefully crafted a coming out email and sent it to everyone she works with.

The support was immediately apparent; she received about 75 incredibly kind responses from coworkers, both local and international.

She then took one week off, followed by a week where she worked solely from home. It was only last Monday when she finally went back to the office.

First day back at work! I asked if I could take a "first day of school" type picture with her lunchbox. She said no. Spoilsport.

Despite knowing how nice her colleagues are and having read so many positive responses to her email, she was understandably still nervous.

Hell, I was nervous. I made her promise to text me 80 billion times with updates and was more than prepared to go down there with my advocacy pants on if I needed to (I might be a tad overprotective).

And that's when her office pals decided to show the rest of us how to do it right.

She got in and found that a couple of them had decorated her cubicle to surprise her:

LGBTQ, coming out, work

Her cubicle decorated with butterflies.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

Butterflies! Streamers! Rainbows! OMG!

And made sure her new name was prominently displayed in a few locations:

empathy, employment, understanding

Zoe written on the board.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

They got her a beautiful lily with a "Welcome, Zoe!" card:

coworkers, mental health, community

Welcome lily and card

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

And this tearjerker quote was waiting for her on her desk:

Oscar Wilde, job, employment

A quote from Oscar Wilde.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

To top it all off, a 10 a.m. "meeting" she was scheduled to attend was actually a coming out party to welcome her back to work as her true self — complete with coffee and cupcakes and handshakes and hugs.

acceptance, friendship, relationships

Coming out party with cupcakes.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

(I stole one, and it was delicious.)

NO, I'M NOT CRYING. YOU'RE CRYING.

I did go to my wife's office that day. But instead of having my advocacy pants on, I had my hugging arms ready and some mascara in my purse in case I cried it off while thanking everyone.

I wish we lived in a world where it was no big deal to come out.

Sadly, that is not the case for many LGBTQ people. We live in a world of bathroom bills and "religious freedom" laws that directly target the members of our community. We live in a world where my family gets threats for daring to speak out for trans rights. We live in a world where we can't travel to certain locations for fear of discrimination — or worse.

So when I see good stuff happening — especially when it takes place right on our doorstep — I'm going to share it far and wide. Let's normalize this stuff. Let's make celebrating diversity our everyday thing rather than hating or fearing it.

Chill out, haters. Take a load off with us.

It's a lot of energy to judge people, you know. It's way more fun to celebrate and support them for who they are.

Besides, we have cupcakes.


This article originally appeared on 04.08.16.

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Identity

TV anchor admits she 'smiled inside' after the subtle way she came out on live TV

She just kinda snuck it in there.

via TaylorBruckTV/TikTok

Taylor Bruck comes out live on TV.

Weekend morning news anchor for Spectrum News 1 Ohio, Taylor Bruck, came out of the closet on live TV recently and the big moment happened on a whim. She was discussing Thanksgiving plans with her co-anchor, Alexa Maslowski, when she casually mentioned she was planning on visiting her “girlfriend” in Cleveland.

She told People it was a “spur-of-the-moment" thing.

“I told myself, ‘Just say it,’” she said. “When I finally said it out loud, I smiled inside because it was a big moment for me." She posted a clip of the milestone across her social media profiles, where it has been seen hundreds of thousands of times.

“A seemingly simple yet scary word… I said ‘girlfriend’ on air for the first time today, which some people may say, 'ok, who cares?' … but to me, it’s a step toward accepting and loving myself fully and being authentic on and off the air," she captioned the video.

@taylorbrucktv

A seemingly simple yet scary word… I said “girlfriend” on air for the first time today, which some people may say “ok, who cares?” … but to me it’s a step toward accepting and loving myself fully and being authentic on and off the air. IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS 🥰🥂🥳 • • • #littlewins #newsanchor #authenticity #lgbt #taylorbrucktv #reporter #comingout #journey #diversity #ohio #news #tvnewsanchor

The moment inspired many who felt seen by Bruck’s casual revelation. "Love this. We need visibility. And it was so natural and accepting. Live your truth!" Selena Marie TV wrote. "Thank you! And proud of you! Representation matters," Singingchica added.

For Bruck, coming out was a way to pay it forward after being inspired by other LGBTQ journalists such as Robin Roberts and Anderson Cooper.

“Messages are pouring in from all around the world, including Ghana, Germany, Australia, London, as well as many states across the U.S.,” Bruck said. “People are telling me how much this visibility means to them and that they’re so proud of me.”

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coming out
Identity

Magic Johnson's 2017 appearance on 'The Ellen Show' is still a masterclass in parenting

His advice was spot-on.

Image pulled from YouTube video.

Magic shines on "The Ellen Show."

NBA legend and entrepreneur Magic Johnson has so much love for his son E.J., who came out in 2013.

In a 2017 appearance on "The Ellen Show", Johnson talked about the moment E.J. (a rising star in his own right) came out to to him and his wife, Cookie. They had what can only be described as the ideal reaction: They supported their son from the get-go.

"When my son came out, I was so happy for him and happy for us as parents," Johnson said. "And we love him. And E.J. is amazing."

Ellen asked what advice Johnson would give other parents who find themselves in the same situation. His advice was spot-on.

"I think it's all about you not trying to decide what your daughter or son should be, or what you want them to become," he answered. "It's all about loving them no matter who they are [or] what they decide to do."

Family acceptance and support is important to all kids, but it's vital for the health and well-being of LGBTQ youth.

"You gotta support your child," Johnson wants parents to know. "It's so many people who try to discriminate against them, so they need you to support them. 'Cause if you don't support 'em, who's gonna support 'em and love 'em?"

family, gender rights, community, social norms

Magic talks about his son E.J. on "The Ellen Show."

Image pulled from YouTube video.


There's enough bigotry and discrimination in the world. No child deserves to hear it at home.

The data doesn't lie: "LGBT young people whose parents and caregivers reject them or try to change them are at high risk for depression, substance abuse, suicide and HIV infection," said Caitlin Ryan, faculty member at San Francisco State University and director of the Family Acceptance Project. "LGBT young people whose parents support them and stand up for them show much higher levels of self-esteem and greater well-being, with lower rates of health and mental health problems."

If you're a parent or family member supporting someone who just came out, you don't have to go it alone.

Check out PFLAG for more information, including local meet-ups for parents and resources to build and foster safe communities. Groups like Parents for Transgender Equality, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), and Believe Out Loud are also great places to start.

Need more inspiration? See more of Magic Johnson's appearance on "Ellen."

This article originally appeared on 04.19.17


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parenting
Identity

Simple ways to support your trans friends when they come out.

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Some tools to help us stand beside people we love and support.

For many gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people, one of the most personal (and sometimes scary) experiences they'll go through is the "coming out" process.

Coming out means telling others of your status as an LGBTQ person. As society is becoming more accepting of people's sexual orientation and gender identity, coming out is getting easier all the time. Even so, for many, it's still a carefully calculated process that involves planning who, how, and when to tell people in their lives.

In 2016, writer and director Lilly Wachowski — known as co-creator of "The Matrix" series of films, "Jupiter Ascending," and "Sense8" — came out publicly as transgender.

It's so great that Lilly came to that realization about herself and started living more authentically. In 2012, her sister Lana also came out as trans. What's not cool about this is the fact that Lilly was forced to out herself, in a letter she chose to share with The Windy City Times, after a reporter from The Daily Mail threatened to do it without her permission.

Lilly Wachowski, transgender, The Matrix, LGBTQ

Lilly Wachowski came out as transgender in 2016.

t.co

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow — and telling a journalist definitely falls under "don't."

As a transgender person, one of the most common questions I get from strangers is: "My friend or family member recently told me that they're transgender. How can I support them?"

Below are five tips I give people who are thoughtful enough to ask.

1. Let them know they have your support.

If you're asking this question (or taking the time to look up an article on the subject), you're already on the right path. It's important to make sure your friend knows you're in their corner, as they're probably afraid of how others in their lives will react. A simple "If you need anything, I'm here for you" can go a long way.

2. Respect their identity, name, and pronouns.

Ask questions like "What are your pronouns?" and "How would you like me to refer to you in private and when we're around people who may not know you're transitioning?"

If somebody is just starting to come out to others, odds are that there are still some people who don't know and might still use old names and pronouns. Asking how you should react in those situations will help you avoid outing your friend to others who don't yet know.

3. Educate yourself — don't rely on your friend to educate you.

There are so many great resources on how to understand trans issues. While your friend may be happy to answer those initial personal questions about things like names and pronouns, they might become overwhelmed if you start treating them as a walking encyclopedia of all things trans.

I recommend PFLAG's amazing resource "Our Trans Loved Ones: Questions and Answers for Parents, Families, and Friends of People who are Transgender and Gender Expansive." The 102-page guide is a comprehensive piece of "Trans 101" literature that's bound to answer some of your questions (complete with some more thorough do's and don'ts).

4. Don't gossip about them or "out" them to others.

The only people you should be discussing your friend's gender with are people they've given you explicit permission to do so with. Going behind their back and outing them to someone they may not yet be ready to tell is not only a huge betrayal of their trust, but it could even put them in physical danger.

On top of that, when someone is hearing this news from a secondhand source (that is, you), some of the important details may get lost in translation, which get further garbled if this person tells someone else — it eventually turns into a game of telephone, and no one wants that.

A vigil for slain transgender woman Islan Nettles at Jackie Robinson Park in Harlem in 2013. Nettles was severely beaten after being approached on the street by a group of men and later died of her injuries.

5. Understand that this is not about you and your feelings.

It's OK to feel confused, and it's OK to not immediately "get it." Those feelings are completely valid, but demanding to know why your friend didn't tell you sooner (they were probably wrestling with this themselves for quite some time) or saying you feel betrayed will only hurt them during an extremely vulnerable time in their life.

Nothing you did "made" your friend trans, and it's probably less that they were hiding something from you and more that they were hiding this reality from themselves.

Whether someone is a Hollywood director or a friend from high school, we should all have the right to come out at our own pace and in our own way.

Maybe years from now the aspect that makes this seem like such juicy gossip will fade and trans people won't have to worry about being forcibly outed. Maybe years from now trans people won't need to fear that coming out will be met with job loss, homelessness, or physical harm. Until then, it's important that those of us who care for our trans friends and family members do what we can do show we're there for them.

This article originally appeared on 03.09.16. It has been lightly edited.

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