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Older people get real about what it's like to move into a retirement community

"Do your homework before taking the plunge."

Image via Canva

Old people discuss what moving into a retirement community is really like.

Moving into a retirement community is a big life transition for many senior citizens. Making the choice to downsize and move into a retirement home is not an easy one that can come with many unknowns.

In an Reddit forum, member @common_grounder posed the question: "Anyone who's downsized and moved into a retirement community, what's the adjustment been like for you?"

They continued, "Has it been hard giving up your former life and belongings? Is a more simplified existence comforting to you? Has being around lots of people who are also old been a net positive or net negative?"

Older people who have made the transition into a retirement community shared their real and honest experiences for those considering making the move. These are 16 of their most informative and impactful responses:

 retirement home, retirement community, retirement living, assisted living, old people The Villages Dancing GIF by Magnolia Pictures  Giphy  

"I've been in an Independent Living Community for 2 years. I was having some health issues and I needed a place that had on duty staff. I downsized twice. My wife and I downsized from a 3 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom Apartment. My wife developed Vascular Dementia the year before the Pandemic. Eventually she went into hospice and after my 3rd hip surgery in 18 months I moved into Independent Living. My 1st year here my bride of 39 years past on from complications of the Vascular Dementia. When I first got here I participated with some of the outing and events. We get 2 meals a day and I used to do dinner with the same group daily. The Presidential election changed that. I loved the people I sat with. However I was crushed that so many of my older peers voted against their interests. I just turned 70 on D-Day. On the average I'm a "youngster" here. Before the election I constantly helped residents conquer their smartphones be it iphone or Android. Now I order lunch and dinner for me to pick up and eat alone in my apartment. I only venture out now for Dr's appointments and the occasional family outing . I guess more than any thing I miss my bride of 39 years, 44 together. I'm looking forward that my 29 year old son is getting married in August to a wonderful woman and their future looks bright. I'm grateful technology allows me to talk, text and facetime people I care about. At my age, I don't have many long time friends still on this plane of existence. Even when I downsized to this one bedroom Apartment I still have too much stuff including Heirloom China in my living room for my son that been here 2 years. Oh I almost forgot. We have a happy hour on Wednesday afternoon. I always go and get a vodka tonic and finger food. I was told by my parents to never drink alone. Do that one drink a week is me not drinking alone." —@sapotts61

"I live in a retirement community and I like it a lot. No exterior maintenance, lots of activities and amenities. Beautifully landscaped grounds and great views from my home. Being around similarly aged people is nice too. I really can’t think of a negative. But the quality of the communities vary. Do your homework before taking the plunge." —@Entire-Garage-1902

"My wife and I did it 11 years ago. We sold our 4 bedroom 3 bath 2 story house and moved into a 2 bedroom 2 bath single level house in a 55 and better community. It’s been terrific! We have a resort like pool next to the clubhouse and gym. There are tennis and pickle ball courts, gas grills, a big charcoal grill, sauna and spa. It’s a quiet, safe, well kept neighborhood with friendly neighbors." —@8amteetime

 downsizing, retirement community, retirement home, moving out, downsize GIF by Stellify Media  Giphy  

"One month into assisted living. I think it’s going to be fine. Just another life transition like college, being on my own, getting married, having kids, building a career, moving into a bigger showplace house, etc. Just in reverse - everything getting smaller and simpler. Downsizing has been very challenging, getting rid of so many objects that still mean something to us, but won’t mean anything to our kids, and there’s not enough space in our 950 sq ft apartment. Having the staff do all the cooking - food has been quite good! - cleaning, and managing my medications, has certainly simplified our lives. And freed up time for my wife to do things she chooses, not just things she must. Moved to a different state where we knew no one, except our sons and their families, so we’re meeting a lot of new people. Haven’t really clicked with anyone yet, but have a half dozen people we can join for meals in the dining room. Yeah, adjustment is going fine." —@dnhs47

"I (64M) wasn’t ready for it and my wife and I are moving out. I miss seeing kids and families." —@MacDaddy654321

"It's a very difficult thing. It sounds simple, correct. But it's what you make of it in your new life. I used to do warranty work for brand new modular homes. Many are doing just that...downsizing. While working, you wind up chatting with many. The stories would run the whole gamut, from ecstatic to downright miserable. My takeaway if you can afford it was maybe try a couple of years' lease/rent before committing. Sit on any s to get a feel for it first. It was quite heart-wrenching at times. Should have, could have. There's mental factors to think of. Your circle of friends may change. Someone other than you could be in charge of your property. Suddenly, there's not a whole lot you can use those tools on anymore, etc. It's a tough thing to do." —@xgrader

 elderly, senior, seniors, senior citizen, old woman Old Lady Fight GIF by BDHCollective  Giphy  

"We are UPSIZING when move to a retirement community." —@FootHikerUtah

"We upsized into a 55+ community. Sometimes I miss the age diversity with neighbors but my husband and I are 64, pretty active with previously established friendships, part time jobs, and our family. We like that there is a clubhouse with book clubs, game nights, community dinners and a lovely swimming pool. I feel like it’s a home where we can age in place for as long as possible." —@Competitive-Ice2956

"I am almost 70. I have downsized hugely. I lived in a retirement community for 4 years from 61 to 65 I hated it!" —@Direct_Ad2289

"We’ve been in an over 55 community 8 yrs. I love my little house, all on one floor, lots of storage. It’s a bit lonely when our snow bird neighbors go home for the summer, but the grocery store is less crowded. We’ve had several neighbors die recently, but that’s why they call this Gods waiting room. It’s also worrisome to see neighbors having physical or dementia like issues. We aren’t into the pool scene or golf, but we love the indoor walking track. The entertainment shows are a hassle, gotta get those tickets months in advance. We tried a few day long bus trips but their prices are way too high now. Our community is over 40 yrs old and pre 2020 we had thriving crafts, cards, wood, metal, auto, photo clubs….people in charge of those kind of drifted away during the lockdown and a lot of knowledge and organizational skills to run those programs were lost. It’s very quiet here, most neighbors keep their homes very tidy. I’m in a single family home, I have yearly membership dues but no HOA…those are running around $300 a month. We have a great Facebook page that helps us all stay connected and compare notes. All in all I have zero qualms about leaving my old life." —@Adrift715

"2/2 1400 sq ft villa. It was hard deciding what to keep and what to get rid of at first, but in the end, it was liberating. I love the fact that we can just lock the door and leave without having to worry about outside maintenance." —@RowdyRumRunner

 over 55, over 55 community, retirement, retirement community, retirement home homer simpson episode 10 GIF  Giphy  

"I’m in a 55 and over community. It’s a very active community, dances at least 2 per month, bingo on Sunday, movies on Thursday, exercise classes at least 3 per day including yoga, karaoke, cards, swimming…I could go on but you get the drift. No obligation to attend any of the activities but they are available. No meals, this is independent living. I’m really happy here, best choice I made after selling my house. Downside for some is living with rules, some people don’t like picking up after their dogs or speed limits or whatever, my place isn’t super controlling but any rules are too much for some people." —@Kitchen-Fee-5114

"I like it, being on my own I didn’t want a house with all the maintenance. I have a small apartment so I had to get rid of a lot of stuff, that can be hard but I did it. Where I live there is a lot of activities if you are interested, but it’s independent living and some people like that and some don’t. I have made friends, play cards and always have something to do if I’m bored. One of the things you don’t think of is that you meet people and then they die. That is something that can be hard to deal with." —@Birdy304

 aging, aging well, happy aging, getting old, old people Aging Golden Girls GIF by All Better  Giphy  

"I upsized when I moved to a retirement community - my Manhattan apartment was 440 square feet, and my car was in a garage two miles away. Here in Connecticut, I've got 1500 square feet plus a basement and garage. I've got more stuff than ever." —@vinyl1earthlink

"We downsized from our home we lived in for 35 years to a tiny home (399 sq ft) three years ago. While the community is not age restricted, 95% of the people are retired and at least 65. We live on a lake so I get to fish as much as I want. Wife enjoys a bunch of activities such as water aerobics, arts and crafts and dancing. We travel the park in a golf cart. It’s takes minutes to get from one activity to the next. Overall we love it." —@Dicedlr711vegas

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Joy

Janitor and cook stayed to care for residents when nursing home shut down and staff left

Maurice Rowland and Miguel Alvarez refused to abandon the residents who got left behind in the "chaotic mass evacuation."

Image by Carola68 The world is colorful...... from Pixabay

When a nursing home shut down, the janitor and cook stayed with the remaining residents.

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#WhoWeAre

There are certain moments in life that determine your character. This was definitely one of those moments for Maurice Rowland and Miguel Alvarez.

Rowland was working as a cook and Alvarez as a janitor at an assisted living facility when suddenly they found out that the facility was going to close.

The Valley Springs Manor assisted-living facility was shut down by the California Department of Social Service in October of 2013, prompting a "chaotic mass evacuation" of staff and residents. Staff left because they weren't getting paid, but Rowland and Alvarez stuck around. There were around 16 residents left at the home with nowhere to go and nobody to take care of them. Some of them were sick and bedridden and some had dementia.

Rowland and Alvarez, who have been friends since middle school, had a conversation about what they were going to do. They decided they couldn't in good conscience abandon the residents who were left behind, so for the next several days they stayed and cared for them, making sure they were bathed and fed and got their medications—all without pay.

"I just couldn't see myself going home," Rowland said. "Next thing you know they're in the kitchen trying to cook their own food and burn the place down."

Alvarez said he would go home for one hour a day to take a shower and get dressed and then head back to the facility. His wife was upset at first because he missed a planned family trip during that time, so she drove to the center to see what was more important than time with her and their kids. What she found when she arrived left her "heartbroken," she told SF Gate.

Alvarez told StoryCorps that he'd been abandoned by his parents when he was young and knew how them leaving would make the residents feel. "I didn't want them to go through that," he said.

"If I would have left, I think that would've been on my conscience for a very long time," Rowland added.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The facility had a history of regulatory violations and inadequate care that led to the shut down, but the transition for the residents who needed to be transferred to other facilities was fumbled by the authorities. 

"“The Department fell short of its mission to protect the health and safety of residents in Valley Springs Manor,” the Department of Social Services said in a statement after the fact. “The Division erred in not ensuring, through successful engagement with local partners, that relocation arrangements for all of the residents were complete.”

When one resident started to deteriorate, Rowland and Alvarez called 911, which alerted authorities to the situation the men and residents were in. A proper evacuation of residents then began, relieving the men of the duty they'd taken on to care for people who had no one else.

"Even though they wasn't our family, they were kind of like our family for this short period of time," said Rowland.

According to SF Gate, Rowland and Alvarez were honored for their sacrificial service with an award from the American Veterans Association, a certificate of special recognition from Rep. Eric Swalwell's office a commendation from the California Legislature, and a wave of donations from people who were inspired by their selflessness.

""We didn't expect any of this," Alvarez said. "We've never expected anything from anyone in life."

They may not have expected anything, but their big-heartedness paid off not only in recognition and financial support, but in the satisfaction of putting other people's humanity before themselves.


This story originally appeared on 9.29.16 It has since been updated.


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Gillette
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Behold the first razor designed to shave someone else.

"It takes me like a half an hour to shave my father because I have to be so careful," a middle-aged man declares.

The man, identified as New Jersey native Kristian Rex, presses the razor to his elderly, disabled father's face — a face he loves. With great care, he glides the blade across his father's chin, upper lip, and cheeks, taking pains to listen and follow instructions.

"He's really particular about his sideburns." he says, as his dad smiles.

The ad, which recently won six Lion Awards at Cannes, is the centerpiece of the launch of Gillette's Treo, which the company calls the "first-ever assisted shaving razor."

The blade, which is designed specifically for a caregiver to use on clients or family members, is currently in testing. The company plans to distribute 10,000 razors free as part of the trial. The data they gather will help inform the final design.  

"When we spoke with our partners like [the American Society of Aging], we learned that the primary goal of family members and professional caregivers alike is to help maintain a sense of normalcy and to support lost functions — like the ability to shave oneself," Melissa Monich, Procter & Gamble's vice president of research and development, global grooming, said in a news release.

Adapting the Treo for caregiver use meant redesigning the company's traditional blade to optimize for one person shaving another.

The most drastic change is to the handle, which works "like a paintbrush" and includes a divot that operators place their fingers on for a steadier shave. The handle also contains built-in shaving gel, allowing caregivers to lather and shave in one motion.

Some caregivers plan to waiting and see if the Treo will really work as advertised.

While others are cautiously optimistic.

The company hopes the innovation results in a "dignified shaving experience" for those unable to shave themselves.

"We were struck by how important these day-to-day activities are in supporting the dignity, pride, and morale of those who need assistance," Monich said.

Soon, a few thousand people will have a chance to see if the blade delivers that boost — and a clean shave, to boot.

People interested in receiving a free razor as part of the pilot program can register here through Nov. 30, 2017.

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How one nursing home is helping its residents regain a sense of purpose.

'It’s like they’re grandparents again.'

Every day, you can find Greg Moore taking two kittens for a walk.

Moore, who has Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, once worked for the government as a communications lobbyist. He moved into Catalina Springs Memory Care facility in 2014 when he was only 67 years old because his illnesses made it too difficult for his wife to care for him on her own.

According to Antoinette Manning, resident care coordinator at Catalina Springs, Moore doesn't usually want to be bothered or speak to anyone. He occasionally perceives normal social interaction as threatening. It's understandable: Many people who move to senior living centers at the end of long, productive, lives — especially those experiencing forms dementia — find themselves frustrated.

As for the two kittens? They're part of a new program called "Bottle Babies" that allows senior living residents to feed and play with kittens who are in need of constant care.

Photo via Pima Animal Care Center, used with permission.

Taking care of these kittens infuses many of Catalina Springs' residents with a renewed sense of purpose.  

"We have some residents who are chronically searching, chronically looking for something that is familiar, something that holds meaning to them," Rebecca Hamilton, the health service director at Catalina Springs, wrote in an email.

"We can place one of the kittens in their hands, and suddenly they're not searching, they're not stressed."

Photo via Pima Animal Care Center, used with permission.

Hamilton came up with the idea to bring the kittens to the facility. She's a veteran kitten fosterer at Pima Animal Care Center and knows that really young kittens require constant care. She thought having the residents at Catalina Springs look after them might be a mutually beneficial program.

From the moment the kittens arrived, the staff noticed a significant, positive change in the residents' moods.

"They [seem to] recognize them as babies, and the human instinct to nurture just kicks in automatically," Hamilton explained.

Photo via Pima Animal Care Center, used with permission.

"We have noticed that [in] interacting with the kittens, we have residents who struggled with putting complete sentences together, or struggled to find words, could all of a sudden communicate," Hamilton explained about the kittens' effect on the residents. "They could look at you and say, 'This kitten is hungry' or 'I love this little baby.'"

It's a win-win relationship. The residents help feed and play with the kittens, and the kittens, in turn, give the residents a sense of purpose. Those moments of clarity and communication that the kittens bring out in their human caretakers are "incredibly monumental," Hamilton said. According to the staff at Catalina Springs, that feeling of being useful and productive can often be the best medicine when dealing with an incurable disease.

Photo via Pima Animal Care Center, used with permission.

As for Greg Moore? His standoffishness softened the minute he met Turtle and Peaches, Manning said.

Moore has a daily routine where he puts a kitten under each arm, announces that "it's time for their walk," and walks them around the facility. Manning said even his wife has noticed a difference in his demeanor since the kittens arrived.

"It’s like they’re grandparents again," Manning said. "It’s very soothing to see."

Photo via Pima Animal Care Center, used with permission.

The program is bigger than kittens. It’s about finding a way to improve quality of life for people in assisted living and giving them a renewed sense purpose.

Few people want to think about what life will be like when they reach an age where they can no longer care for themselves, especially if their memory is failing. But there are a lot of ways these centers are making sure residents feel important, needed, and loved. Clemson Downs, an assisted living facility, had an art show featuring its residents' work, and Lantern Assisted Living in Ohio is revamping their whole facility to feel more like real homes rather than hospital rooms. Even just a change in scenery can change a resident's outlook.

Pima Animal Care Center is also planning to expand soon, and several other animal welfare organizations have expressed interest in starting similar programs. Pet therapy is known to benefit patients living with these mental illnesses immensely, so it's encouraging to see the idea catching on.

Alzheimer's and dementia may be incurable, but that doesn't mean life ends with a diagnosis. People like Tom Dunne who has Alzheimer's keep moving forward by writing (and tweeting). Paul Hitchmough, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2014 records his own music videos on YouTube. And Craig Moore makes sure to take the Catalina Springs kitten residents for a walk everyday.

Even a small thing like that can be enough to make life a little better.

Photo via Pima Animal Care Center, used with permission.

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