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Some tips for how to talk to your teen about watching porn. HINT: It's not to tell them to stop.

Porn has never been more available — or raunchier. What's it doing to kids' capacity for intimacy?

Who hasn't watched a little porn here and there?

You'd be hard-pressed to find a person who hasn't watched some porn or who doesn't enjoy it on an occasional basis. Generationally, though, the dynamics of porn have changed. Depending on your age, your ideas of what porn is and how it's affected your actual sex life will vary. But for the newest generations of sexually active youth, things have gotten pretty extreme.

I know of whence I speak, for I have a teenage son.


So what's the big deal with teens watching porn if everyone does it? Well, they are very different from adults. And times have changed.

The problem is that teenage porn use is not just a kid getting ahold of dad's girly magazine anymore. It's unfettered access to as much porn as a kid wants, as frequently as they want it, and with the ability to escalate to more and more extreme types as their brain desensitizes to it. And unfortunately, kids' brains are still very much in their formative years even in their late teens, so it's having an effect on the actual wiring of their sexual norms.

A study published in 2014 from Cambridge University tracked the behaviors of compulsive porn users:

Source: " Your Brain on Porn" based on findings from Cambridge University.

And that's not to mention the effect it has on women's perceived expectations of themselves and their partners' expectations of them because of porn's depictions. When even women's orgasms are shown as a caricaturized performance in service of pleasing a man, something gets really skewed in terms of what women can hope to experience for their own fulfillment.

OK, but what can we even do about it?

You could try frequent, random, and unannounced appearances in your kids' room to make them too paranoid to take advantage of "alone time." Or you could creatively find ways to make sure the family pet is always in there in the hopes that they'd be too wigged out to watch porn while Whiskers McButtonNose is looking on.

Image (text added) by John of Wales/Flickr.

But that seems like a lot more work and way less reliable than just talking with teens about it. Here's how I did it:

I sent my son some links to a documentary about what it can do to a developing teen's brain to gorge on porn (he was about 15 at the time). I asked him to find me and talk to me after he was done watching the documentary — I wanted to let him have some control about when the conversation happened, so it could be more productive and not feel like an ambush.

When he did, we talked about the research. It wasn't the most comfortable conversation in the world, but it also wasn't the worst. I let him know I didn't think it was shameful for him to watch porn, that I know a lot of people do, and that I wasn't going to place any unrealistic expectations on him to never watch porn.

I asked him what points the movie made that really hit home for him. I noted that porn and masturbation do not necessarily go hand-in-hand (SORRY). I also suggested he may benefit from thinking about what parameters he wanted to set for himself, like:

  • Is there a frequency of watching it he doesn't want to exceed in order to feel good about himself? (He decided that a couple of times a week was enough for him, and it was definitely a step back from the frequency he had been engaging in).
  • Is there a threshold of porn extremity he doesn't want to surpass in order to feel like he's not violating his own deeply empathetic nature? (He decided he just had no interest in watching anything that seemed sadistic and made a promise to himself — not me — that he'd shut it down and find something else if something crossed that line.)

The point really was that I can't waltz into my son's private life and think I'm going to dictate what choices he'll make. I mean, I could have had a parental power struggle that escalated into me taking away his computer and Internet unless he does what I say, but I don't think that would have taught him what he really needs to navigate this stuff — self-regulation.

So what happened with my son?

I noticed after our talk that he was spending a lot less time in his room doing ... "room things" and a lot more time with other people. He seems happier and no longer carries the ever-present sense of dissatisfaction and frustration of wondering if his real life will ever match up to what he's being told his sex life should be. He got to make a thoughtful and deliberate choice for himself on his own terms.

GIF from "30 Rock."

When you let a teen know that their porn habits today could affect their ability to have a fulfilling sexual relationship — a real one — down the road, some kids will care.

Of course, some kids just won't either. But at least this way, they're getting a chance to make a choice instead of just being railroaded into a lifetime of warped sexual norms without a shot at doing it differently. Porn companies don't care about your kids' health and well-being, so don't let them be the only influence weighing in on this.

It all starts with adults acknowledging the reality of teens' daily lives. We can do this, folks.

And for some more good, research based talk about it all, check out this really enlightening TED Talk by Gail Dines on bringing kids up in a "pornified culture." (Be warned: It's a very frank discussion about sexuality, and the f-word is prevalent throughout.)

This trick can fix any attitude.

Raising kids can be a frustrating experience, no matter how rewarding you also find it. Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?

Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Becky got into psychology after struggling with anorexia as a teenager.

“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”

parents, children, child, parenting, trick, communication A mom and son talk on the couch.Canva Photos

The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.

She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!

“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”

This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.

The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.

Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” one parent wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” another added.

Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.

family, parents, kids, parenting, bonding A happy family.Canva Photos

Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Animals & Wildlife

Emu dads might be dumb, but they're some of the most extraordinary fathers on Earth

Emu moms lay eggs and then bail, leaving dads to do literally everything else.

Emu dads give fatherhood their all.

Parenting in the animal kingdom varies from species to species, but sometimes a creature's child-rearing habits defy the norms so drastically that it's worth a deep dive. Male seahorses giving birth, for example, is an extraordinary anomaly. Cuckoo birds tricking other birds into taking care of their eggs is a pretty epic departure from standard parental instincts. But when it comes to fatherhood, few animals take dad responsibility seriously than the emu.

Burned-out moms might be jealous to learn that emu moms have only two jobs: mate and lay eggs. That's it. And she's not even bound to one partner to do it. Both female and male emus mate with multiple partners, often without promises or commitment. At some point, a male emu will build a nest for a female to lay her eggs, and once she does, her job is done. Finito. Peace out.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The male who built the nest will then spend the next eight weeks or so incubating the eggs, which may or may not even belong to that specific male (of an average emu clutch of between 5 and 15 eggs, half of them might have been fertilized by a different father, but that doesn't stop the emu dad from caring for them). During these months, the dad stops eating, drinking, and pooping—losing up to half of his body weight as he dutifully cares for the eggs.

Once the deep blue-green eggs hatch, emu fathers stay with the chicks for up to two years, protecting them and teaching them how to care for themselves.

“Emus are really unique in that they have male-only parental care, which is only true for about two percent of bird species,” ecologist Julia Ryeland, who was studying emus in 2022, told Atlas Obscura. “It’s a really fascinating thing for a bird to sit on an egg for two months and then to look after this chick for 18 months with the potential that it’s not even his baby."

emu, emu eggs birds, animal parents, fatherhood An emu dad sits with his eggs for nearly two months.Photo credit: Canva

Emus are native to Australia and are one of a small percentage of bird species that cannot fly. They also have a reputation for being the "world's dumbest bird," thanks to Louis Lefebvre, a bird cognition researcher who wrote a book about bird intelligence. Corvids like crows and ravens are renowned for their smarts, but when Lefebvre was asked what bird was the dumbest, he named the emu.

Ryeland shared a similar sentiment with Atlas Obscura: "Emus are not very smart. An emu farmer once said to me that they can do two things: they can run, and they can think. But they cannot do both at the same time." She said that emus can seem scary and aggressive if they think they're taller than you, but all you have to do to convince them you're taller is to raise your hand above their head.

emu, emu chicks, birds, animal parents, fatherhood An emu dad with his mob of chicks. Photo credit: Canva

However, a 2025 study found that emus may not be as dumb as we've all believed. In an experiment, three emus were given a puzzle in which they had to line up a hole to access a piece of food. In 90% of cases, the three emus initiated a wheel-turning innovation, moving the hole in the most efficient direction to approach the nearest food item.

"There were no reports of technical innovation in palaeognaths [the class of birds that includes ostriches, rheas, and emus] before our study, and there was a prevailing view that they are ‘dumb’ birds," the authors of the study note. "Our research suggests that it is not true and that technical innovation may have evolved far earlier in birds than previously thought.”

Whether they're smart, dumb, or somewhere in between, emus excel in the fatherhood department, especially in contrast to deadbeat emu moms. Good job, fellas.

emu, emu chicks, birds, animal parents, fatherhood Imagine raising all these little ones as a single dad. Photo credit: Canva

Credit: Canva

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

conversation, friends, small talk, chatting Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:

"It reminds me of…”

A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


- YouTube www.youtube.com

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

conversation, small talk, chatting, cafe Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.


@savingmoneysabrina/TikTok, used with permission

A chronic money saver shares how she keep her monthly internet bill down.

Saving money is the name of the game for most people right now. And doing so requires at least some form of stepping out of your comfort zone. Not going out as much, making the effort of researching budget-friendly swaps, cancelling all those unused emotional support subscriptions, and maybe even the worst scenario of all, calling customer service.

But perhaps if you knew with certainty that making a quick call would be successful in lowering a monthly bill, it wouldn't be quite so painful. And that’s where this hack comes in. “I have the exact script that I use to get my internet down every single year,” said a woman named Sabrina, who shares all kinds of money-saving tips on TikTok.

How to lower your internet bill

Essentially, Sabrina says that if you notice your bill has gone up (which is, like everyone at this point, right?), then you should call to say that you won’t be able to continue affording it and will have to cancel. Now, this concept in and of itself isn’t all that new, but it’s the way in which Sabrina says it that makes it a little more effective.

“Hi, my name is [insert name]. I saw that my internet went up about $25 this month. Unfortunately, I’m not able to afford that. So if I can’t get it down to the rate that it was last month, I’m gonna have to cancel. Is this something you can help me with?”

Even if the response you initially get is “no,” Sabrina advises to keep (nicely) reiterating that you can’t afford it and will have to cancel. That way, they’ll “pass you along until somebody does it.”

“Sometimes you’ll have to get close to cancelling for anything to happen. Trust the process!” Sabrina warned. But still, it’s a strategy with a “100% success rate.”

@savingmoneysabrina I hope this helps you save some money on your bill! Important note tho: when I say that I will “have to cancel,” I actually do mean it. Sometimes you’ll have to get close to cancelling for anything to happen. Trust the process! #howtosavemoney ♬ original sound - savingmoneysabrina


Notice that there’s zero hostility in Sabrina’s tone, making the exchange a negotiation, rather than a threat. If anything else, this is a good reminder that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

And you don’t have to take Sabrina’s word for it. Quite a few folks chimed in (both in the comments section and on Reddit), sharing how the method worked for them as well. And for what it’s worth, quite a few did, in fact, have to keep getting passed along to someone else, or get really close to cancelling.

“I asked to speak to the loyalty department, and when they didn’t do as low as I wanted, I asked how to cancel, and all of a sudden, there was another department I could speak to," one person said. "Knocked $30 off my bill with better internet speed. I think it depends on who you talk to."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Xfinity has a retention department that always calls me back with their cheapest offering," another person said. "The trick is to cancel your service but set the cancellation date 3 weeks out, and don’t accept any offers from the rep who is canceling your service. I’ve done this for years without fail and have only ever paid $20-30/month for internet."

A few even added their own bits of advice:

“Also, don’t be afraid to hang up and call back! One agent wouldn’t help me, but another got me back to my old rate but with better service.”

“I told Optimum I was switching to Verizon because it was cheaper, and after saying no 3 times, they offered to lower my bill $20/month and gave me two months free. Only annoying part is having to call once a year to do it all over again!”

“Also, always check that you're getting the speed you’re paying for. I wasn’t and didn’t realize it til a few months later. I asked for a refund, and they basically said no; the best they could do was offer a $60 coupon. Until I said I was gonna file a complaint with the FCC, then they got the manager, and I got six months of free internet.”

“Go into the store if you can. Some kid at Xfinity somehow gave me internet for $35 a month lol.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“If you get the sense they’re really desperate to keep you, also say you’ll switch unless they give you a bill credit. I got a $250 credit once.”

Nobody likes calling customer service. However, if it truly offers this kind of ROI, it might at least be worth a try.

Follow Sabrina on TikTok for even more money-saving tips.

Why is text reversed in mirrors?

Have you ever wondered why text shows up backwards in a mirror? It's confusing to our brains because it doesn't seem like anything else is flipped like that. If we turn our head, it doesn't move the opposite direction in a mirror. Or does it? After all, right-handed you is actually left-handed you in the mirror. Right? (Wait, is that right?)

Mirrors can be confusing, despite not being very complicated. A mirror image is simply a reflection of what's before it. But when someone else is looking at us head on, they don't see text in reverse, so why don't we see what other people see when we see ourselves in a mirror?

mirrors, mirror, reflection, mirror image, science, how mirrors work Beyonce Mirror GIF Giphy

(If you think this is a super stupid question with a super obvious answer, congratulations. Pat yourself on the back and scootch along so the folks who don't fully grasp the physics of mirrors can enjoy a demonstration that makes it a little easier to understand.)

"Why do mirrors reverse text?" asks the creator behind @humanteneleven on YouTube. "You might think it's just a property of mirrors—they flip things from left to right—but that's not true." He then picks up a metal arrow to show that it points the same direction in the mirror as it does in real life. So why is the text flipped when the arrow isn't?

- YouTube youtu.be

He then holds up a book to show how the text on the book cover appears backwards, just like the shirt. But when he holds up a Ziploc bag with the word "HELLO" written on it, the word shows up properly.

That's because he had to flip the book over to see the cover text in the mirror. The baggy he could just hold up and see the letters through the transparent plastic, just as we see them in real life. If he flips the baggy over like he did the book, the text shows up backwards in the mirror, just like it does in real life.

"So it's actually not the mirror that's flipping anything from left to right," he says. "It's the human."

People appreciated the simple, straightforward explanation and demonstrations.

"One of the most insightful demonstrations I've seen. It's simple and explains the phenomenon. Well done!"

"While I've heard this explanation many times before, I've only recently seen it demonstrated with text-on-transparency, which is what really makes it click. Great video!"

"Love these sorts of demonstrations. It’s a bit of a complicated one, but I love seeing how different people's minds work when explaining simple things like this. My kid explains it with “left is on the left, right is on the right, things aren’t flipped, they are mirrored” but it’s true that you are the one who flips things and I’ve never thought of it that way before."

"Oh my God, I haven't understood explanations from physics videos about why mirrors flip but this, gosh this helps."

Mirrors have been hilariously befuddling people in other videos as they try to figure out how the mirror knows what's behind a barrier placed in front of objects.

@sarahcoome

this is kinda creepy 👀 #mirror #relatable #creepy

Is this something all of us should probably have learned in high school? Yes. Do all of us remember everything we learned in high school? No. Does the scientific explanation make perfect sense to everyone even if it's explained in detail? Um, no.

Like the reversed text question, having a simplified explanation that doesn't fully get into the nitty gritty physics and geometry of how mirrors work is helpful for some folks.

- YouTube youtu.be

For those who do want a bit more scientific substance to their explanations, this next video does a good job of giving a bit more detail while still keeping the explanation simple. It even uses a visual diagram to explain:

- YouTube youtu.be

And for those who say, "This is so basic! How do people not understand this?" here's a video that really does get into the nitty gritty physics and geometry of how mirrors work, diving into ray and wave optics, photons, wave functions, probability, and quantum mechanics. It's only 12 minutes, and it manages to entertain while explaining, but it certainly blows the notion that understanding mirrors is super simple.

- YouTube youtu.be

As one commenter wrote, "I thought I understood mirrors. I understand mirrors even less now. And that's a compliment."

Isn't science fun?

This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.