Men are sharing examples of how they step up and step in when they see problematic behaviors in their peers, and people are here for it.
Twitter user "feminist next door" posed an inquiry to her followers, asking "good guys" to share times they saw misogyny or predatory behavior and did something about it. "What did you say," she asked. "What are your suggestions for the other other men in this situation?" She added a perfectly fitting hashtag: #NotCoolMan.
Good guys: tell me about a time you saw misogyny or predatory behavior in action and spoke up. What did you say? Wh… https://t.co/JShsNy160u— feminist next door (@feminist next door) 1551586944.0
Not only did the good guys show up for the thread, but their stories show how men can interrupt situations when they see women being mistreated and help put a stop to it.
The answers are fantastic and specific. In fact, the whole thread read like a Men's Guide to Stopping Misogyny.
See exhibits A through E:
@emrazz At a football game & the guy behind me shouts "YOU'RE PLAYING LIKE A BUNCH OF GIRLS, C'MON BITCHES!" Dude w… https://t.co/6P3hBDIUvG— Daddy Files (@Daddy Files) 1551624741.0
@emrazz My response is similar to others... A bartender said, “Check out her ass.” I don’t look, and say, “You ca… https://t.co/lZDRvFLVrq— Django S. Zeia (@Django S. Zeia) 1551589301.0
@emrazz Someone i respected joked about pretending to be trans so they could get a job because of hiring quotas, an… https://t.co/QaPF2FCmgG— Benge eating my sorrows away (@Benge eating my sorrows away) 1551587189.0
@emrazz She contacted me the next day and thanked me for not letting her go with them. It turned out to be her abus… https://t.co/LQixc6DFwQ— We Are Not Going Back (@We Are Not Going Back) 1551600136.0
@emrazz My father today informed me that he isnt comfortable that I let my two year old run around the house withou… https://t.co/Xtud1saNcV— TV's Josh Fisher 🎲🎮🃏 (@TV's Josh Fisher 🎲🎮🃏) 1551588312.0
Some guys shared how silence can be a powerful teacher, while others gave a how-to in direct confrontation.
You don't always have to call someone out with words in order to disrupt a toxic norm. For example, letting awkward silence sit there after a sexist joke can be amazingly effective.
@emrazz It can be as small and simple as just not laughing at a misogynistic joke you hear and creating that awkward silence— Garett Guenot (@Garett Guenot) 1551590117.0
@emrazz I've found simply not laughing at stupid sexist jokes can be powerful. There is always a moment after a "jo… https://t.co/iLmWgcp3gi— Benjamin T. Jones (@Benjamin T. Jones) 1551595384.0
And sometimes just pretending to be someone else can save a woman from an uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situation.
@emrazz I was a "fixture" at a bar for a couple years and I was the "bar boyfriend". The bartenders would tell me w… https://t.co/hq9Xa7PspN— James (@James) 1551625342.0
Then again, directly calling people on their behavior is sometimes the most effective tack to take. These stories show how directly confronting the behavior can jar people into recognizing that it's problematic:
@emrazz About a decade ago, guy in my office made a rape joke. I yelled at him in front of the whole team, like 8 p… https://t.co/bBssu9Asxf— Matt Macdonald (@Matt Macdonald) 1551592331.0
@emrazz Some rando grabbed my behind at a bar; I laid into him. A guy overheard me, stepped in and asked if he touc… https://t.co/oONB3Qz79z— Ali, Not Ofjames (@Ali, Not Ofjames) 1551590367.0
@emrazz I've actually used the phrase #notcoolman to a friend who was catcalling a lady walking by our balcony. He… https://t.co/srAEulYSJZ— Henry of House ZeroFucks (@Henry of House ZeroFucks) 1551588580.0
@emrazz One of few times I’ve been to a club a guy was trying to get a girl to dance and was being aggressive so I… https://t.co/ebfuL6YSki— Cody Collins (@Cody Collins) 1551587533.0
It can be helpful to see what specific words men use in these situations. Case in point:
@emrazz Tough to answer in the abstract, but for the mysogyny > "Seriously - it is 2019 - how can you really think… https://t.co/VFT4vqQkc7— Walter Medlin MD - OACAction (@Walter Medlin MD - OACAction) 1551587572.0
@emrazz A few guys I play tennis with were criticizing Serena Williams' outfit at the Aussie Open, saying that she… https://t.co/a4ZGkFh30U— Pete Olson (@Pete Olson) 1551591599.0
@emrazz Just to add, I think the “we” is important. A guy who feels ostracized isn’t going to go for self-reflectio… https://t.co/dM3h2HNbc7— Kid Awesome1 (@Kid Awesome1) 1551588267.0
Some shared how they're helping bring up the next generation to do better.
Parents and teachers play a huge role in young people's lives and can help mold their views and behaviors. Kudos to these folks for helping ensure a safer, less creepy culture for women in the future.
@emrazz I call out my high school students all the time. They respect me for some reason 🤷🏽♂️. I explain what it l… https://t.co/tvESAyHXyT— 🤴🏽AJ Sisneros (@🤴🏽AJ Sisneros) 1551589756.0
@emrazz I teach. Whenever I see students dismissive of female students, demeaning, or the like, I stop them and use… https://t.co/DcvmfNGbK3— So That Others May Learn (@So That Others May Learn) 1551587170.0
@emrazz My nephew called the girl who didn't want to date him a bitch once and he said that my eyes got so wide tha… https://t.co/YnBqxbwRFz— Gay Out of Context 🏳️🌈🙄 (@Gay Out of Context 🏳️🌈🙄) 1551587506.0
@emrazz I have twin 14yo boys. It’s everyday, bro. It’s a constant battle to deflect and explain all the toxic BS… https://t.co/SzaW9ll0it— Michael Murray (@Michael Murray) 1551587645.0
@emrazz Our 19 yr old son quit his job in January. Saw patrons saying obscene things about his female coworkers. Re… https://t.co/0xSwo3muE3— Georgie Burg (@Georgie Burg) 1551652508.0
Thankfully, sexist norms aren't destined to stay sexist norms, as these women pointed out.
@emrazz And people do learn. I remember walking past a construction site in NYC, guy opens his mouth, pauses for a… https://t.co/0g0OGoU0Jn— Dee Severe (@Dee Severe) 1551587468.0
@SevereSociety @emrazz I was once out in NYC in a fab mood. Guy catches my eye, I beam, he catches my mood, beams b… https://t.co/nhxLm5jlUp— Zoe Samuel (@Zoe Samuel) 1551673447.0
Presumably we all know awesome men who don't allow misogynistic or predatory behavior go unchecked in their presence, but it's so refreshing to see these stories all gathered in one place. Yay, good guys. Thanks for sharing and for giving us all a dose of hope.
This article was originally published on March 3, 2019.