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Psychologist reveals 5 evidence-based tips for helping New Year's resolutions stick

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, a specialist in resilience and self-regulation, offers some wisdom for new year goal-setting.

new year's resolutions, goals
Photo by Jenny Hill on Unsplash

New Year's resolutions are notoriously hard to keep.

Each New Year’s Eve, millions of us have the annual urge to change our ways, make a fresh start, form new habits or otherwise transform into a better version of ourselves.

The problem is many of us kick off the new year with all the good intentions, only to be derailed from our goals after a few weeks—or even a few days. It's disheartening to make New Year's resolutions each year and fail at keeping them, but creating new habits is a notoriously difficult thing for humans to do.

Is there a foolproof way to stick with a New Year's resolution? Probably not. But there are some science-backed ways to make it more likely that you'll stick with whatever you want to achieve.

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at The University of Law in the U.K. who specializes in resilience and self-regulation, says that there are many reasons why people struggle to achieve goals. "Often goals can be too vague, or, in reality, the resolution might be a wish that we are just not that committed to,” he says.

If there are goals you really do want to achieve this year, Jellicoe shares five evidence-based tips for sticking to them:

1. Go ahead and 'manifest,' but understand what works about it

"Manifesting"—the idea being that if you envision something strongly enough and live as if it's happening, it will happen—has been all the rage for the past few years.

"Some may be sad to hear this, but I’m not aware of any direct evidence to suggest manifesting will help to achieve a goal," says Jellicoe. "However, there are several supported scientific approaches, which could be ascribed to the 'manifesting' approach. It makes sense that if we orient ourselves towards an outcome then we might be more motivated to achieve it, which would invoke the patterns of thinking and behavioral beliefs to help us do this."

Jellicoe points out that people need to get tactical, whatever vision they have for themselves. "Don’t abandon all hope if you feel manifesting works for you," he says, "just be sure to back it up with some solid goal-setting practice. Manifesting isn’t a magic bullet."

2. Be strategic about who you share your goals with.

When we're excited about making change, we might be eager to tell people about it. We might even feel like we'll be more likely to achieve our goals if we share them with others.

"There are some schools of thought that suggest speaking your goal out loud or sharing it with others creates a sense of accountability," says Jellicoe. "However, there is growing evidence that would suggest doing this can be detrimental."

"Scientific evidence also suggests that the mere act of telling someone about our goal, and the congratulations or encouragement we receive, might lead to us deceiving ourselves that we have already achieved the goal, and as a result, we fail to move to the implementation stage," adds Jellicoe. "This has led to some advising that we don’t tell others our goals."

3. Be proactive and deliberate about goal-setting.

Setting goals sounds simple enough, but people in general are not very good at the mechanics of setting goals and working toward them.

"There are a couple of solid, research-backed approaches to goal-setting," says Jellico. "Many of us will have heard of the SMART approach, which encapsulates some of these key ideas, where goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. This isn’t a bad place to start, but there are arguments that even well-set goals may not lead us to strive towards the outcome."

Jellicoe suggests adding the WOOP model of goal-setting, which stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. "This approach encourages us to think about the reality of our situation and the likely obstacles that come between us and our ultimate goals, so we can plan ways to overcome them," he says. "Pairing this with the SMART approach so you can monitor your progress could lead to success."

4. Get to know your personality type and how it affects goal-setting

Jellicoe lists five well-supported personality factors using the acronym OCEAN: Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism (now often referred to as "low emotional stability"). These factors can influence how you approach goals and what might help you achieve them.

"This is a vast topic with lots to explore," he says, "but one example would be those who are more conscientious typically tend to be more planful and organized—naturally this often leads to a higher likelihood of seeing goals through. This same personality, however, may also be more likely to stick with a goal even when circumstances change that make that goal no longer relevant."

Jellicoe suggests learning more about your personality type online to gain a better understanding of yourself and your tendencies. "This understanding could give you a good grounding in learning how to adapt your strategies," he says.

5. Utilize the power of small, clustered goals.

"Regardless of the resolution you set yourself, achieving small, clustered goals along the way could be crucial in building confidence and motivation to keep working towards your desired outcome," says Jellicoe.

An example of this method is the 'Couch to 5K' challenge in which people start with running just a minute at a time, adding a little bit of running time each day. With small new goals being continually set, you find yourself able to run a 5K within just a couple of months.

"Often this approach to goal-setting can have a positive upward spiral into other areas of our lives too, such as health and wellbeing," adds Jellicoe.

Whatever goals you want to achieve in 2023—or even if you don't want to set resolutions at all—be kind to yourself as you enter the new year.

“This time of year can be stressful for so many of us, and we all have our own reasons for that. Any milestone event can bring about a mixture of positive and negative emotions," says Jellicoe. “Like with any milestone—think birthdays or anniversaries—the new year can also be a time for reflection and renewal. At this time of year, many of us also have the time and space to engage in reflection, so it might be a good time to reflect, accept and move forward."

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Animals & Wildlife

Woman says we are 'severely underreacting' to octopuses, then proves she's not wrong

"However impressed or fascinated you are by octopuses, it's honestly probably not enough."

octopus, octopuses, wildlife, ocean life, marine life
Photo credit: Canva

Octopuses are just wildly interesting creatures.

What creatures have eight legs, nine brains, and dozens of fun and fascinating facts about them? Octopuses, of course. (Wait, is octopuses or octopi? Octopodes, perhaps?)

However interesting we think our suction-cupped, cephalopodic friends are, we're probably selling them short. That's the contention of Sarah, a comedic content creator on TikTok who's been sharing everything she's learned about octopuses, because they're far more bizarre than we might think.

"However impressed or fascinated you are by octopuses, it's honestly probably not enough," she says. "We are severely underreacting to octopuses collectively."

Once you see her video, it's clear she's not wrong.

@sarahmakesmelaugh

Octopuses are fascinating and I DO want to hold a tiny guy if possible just putting that out in to the universe 😬🐙#creatorsearchinsights #octopus #weirdanimals #animalfacts #didyouknow

With a hilariously understated sense of humor, Sarah shares facts like the idea that octopuses don't have tentacles, as many of us have been led to believe, but arms instead. Tentacles have suckers only at the end, while an octopus's arms have them from top to bottom.

"They decorate their front yards with shells and other shiny things they find in the ocean," Sarah says, adding, "I wonder if they judge other octopuses for how they decorate their front yard. Like, is there an octopus HOA?"

Sarah points out that The Beatles' song "Octopus's Garden" was inspired by this delightful fact.

Many of us know that octopuses are smart, but we may not know that they have a brain in each arm in addition to the brain in their heads, which is shaped like a donut. They can solve mazes and complete tricky tasks. And if their beak can fit through a hole, so can their whole body.

"So a fully grown giant Pacific octopus, which can literally be 30 feet long, can fit through a hole the size of a lemon," says Sarah. "And I don't care for that, particularly. I would never say that to an octopus's face because, evidently, they can recognize us, which I find unsettling. Note to self: Do not be mean to an octopus."

Because each arm has its own brain, it can operate independently, complete with its own sensory system.

Octopus, octopus arms, ocean life, marine life, octopus brains Each of those arms has its own brain?Photo credit: Canva

"I feel like they're smarter than us," Sarah says. "Are we confident they're not smarter than us? For instance, they will prank their prey. You know the joke where like old men will tap you on one shoulder, but surprise, they're at the other shoulder? Octopus do that. If they're hunting a shrimp, they'll tap it on the faraway shoulder so the shrimp runs directly into them. Like, 'gotcha!' I don't want octopus to do gotcha."

On a positive note, Sarah shows some examples of exquisitely colorful octopuses, though some of the most "fancy and beautiful" ones are also highly venomous.

That may have been the end of Sarah's video, but she wasn't finished. There's a part two that features blanket octopuses, the female superheroes of the sea. And that's not even the wildest part:

@sarahmakesmelaugh

Replying to @LalainID did yall know about the blanket octopus and didn’t tell me? Except those of you who did thank you 😂 #octopus #animalfacts #science #learnontiktok #learnwithme


A male blanket octopus is basically an inch tall and the female can grow to over six feet. The males can fit inside the pupil of the female's eye. What?! Basically, their only job is to produce sperm, which just raises way too many questions.

Sarah also talks about the mimic octopus, which she calls "the Jafar of the ocean" because it's basically a sorcerer (and one of them genuinely looks like Jafar from Aladdin).

That wasn't all. Even after the second video, she still wasn't done. Part three was every bit as fascinating, terrifying, wonderful, and chuckle-worthy as the first two (and also slightly NSFW in the most PG way possible):

@sarahmakesmelaugh

More Octopus species, this could go on forever y’all 😂 #octopus #weirdanimals #learnwithme #funfacts #creatorsearchinsights

The blob octopus? Who even knew? The eighth-arm situation is too much. Sarah was 100% right. We are, collectively, not reacting to octopuses nearly as strongly as we should be.

You can follow Sarah (@SarahMakesMeLaugh) on TikTok.

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Sleuths debunk 5 supposedly healthy things that are actually terrible ideas

"Detoxes / cleanses are great for clearing out your wallet."

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements
Photo credit: Canva

Sleuths debunk 5 supposedly healthy things that are actually terrible. 5 things to do instead.

A lot of people reach for convenient items advertised as healthy when they're short on time. The rise of health and fitness influencers has also contributed to the proliferation of confusing information about what is considered healthy, and what actually is. It's no wonder people sometimes make unhealthy choices, believing they're doing right by their body.

Some people took it upon themselves to parse out the gimmicks from the multi-million dollar health and fitness industry. Their revelations may surprise you. If you've fallen for the hype of an item or product that turned out to be a dud, it's not your fault. Some things are heavily marketed as healthy, while others are things we've grown up believing were healthy. In a world that can feel oversaturated with information, it can be difficult to have time to research everything.

Suddenly, everyone's drinking green juice or swearing by a new protein bar. Since the bars promise to taste like raw cookie dough without the risk of salmonella, you throw a few boxes in your grocery cart, hoping for the best. After all, it claims to provide all of the vitamins for the day, and you don't have time to cook.

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Homemade granola bars with chocolate chips – perfect for a delicious snack!Photo credit: Canva

Instead of wondering, here are some things people think are healthy, but actually aren't, and what you can replace them with instead:

1. Cereal, granola, and protein bars

Cereal bars are quick to grab when you're running late. The same goes for granola and protein bars. Some people even use them as a meal replacement, but they're not as healthy as people like to believe. If you flip over the package, you'll be met with a high sugar content and very little actual protein in many cases. One person in the Ask Reddit thread is aghast, "We all need to be taught how to read nutrition labels. I was and am still absolutely shocked by the amount of sugar and sodium that are in most packaged foods, throw serving size in there, and it's totally bananas."

Try this instead:

If the goal is to make a healthier morning selection while still packing in a little extra protein, eating whole fruits with a side of peanut butter will fill you up. Whole vegetables, cheese cubes, or mixed nuts are also easy to grab but are full of needed vitamins and healthy fats, minus the high sugar content. Good RX reminds people, "Eggs aren’t just a morning treat. Make a batch of hard-boiled eggs to have on hand as a high-protein snack. One hard-boiled egg contains over 6 g of protein."

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Refresh with a healthy green juice boost.Photo credit: Canva

2. Detoxes

There's a detox for everything. One person shares in a Reddit thread about things people think are healthy, but aren't, because detoxes don't work in the area you're expecting. They write, "Detoxes / cleanses are great for clearing out your wallet." According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), some detoxes contain laxatives that may cause acute diarrhea, which can lead to dehydration and malabsorption. The organization also explains that, "Some juices used in 'detoxes' and 'cleanses' that haven’t been pasteurized or treated in other ways to kill harmful bacteria can make people sick." Others may result in kidney stones for some users due to the high amount of oxalate found in leafy green foods, often used for green detox juices.

Try this instead:

Instead of taking your chances on a detoxing cleanse, Alix Leestma, RDN, CSOWM, senior dietitian at MultiCare Center for Weight Loss & Wellness, tells MultiCare Vitals that staying properly hydrated and eating a balanced diet will allow your body to detox properly. People's liver and kidneys are designed to detox your body naturally. “When dehydrated, our blood is more concentrated," Leestma says, "But when adequately hydrated, you’ll have the same amount of toxins in the blood but in smaller concentrations, which is easier on the kidneys to filter through.”

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Making fresh orange juice in the kitchen. 🍊Photo credit: Canva

3. Juicing/fasting

Juicing is a way people are fasting while still feeling like they're getting in their nutrients. One person voiced concerns that juicing alone wasn't effective in maintaining the nutrients of the fruit, so it's best to eat the whole fruit. Northwestern University recently did a study exploring the effects of juicing. The results were surprising.

"The juice-only group showed the most significant increase in bacteria associated with inflammation and gut permeability, while the plant-based whole food group saw more favorable microbial changes. The juice plus food group had some bacterial shifts but less severe than the juice-only group. These findings suggest that juicing without fiber may disrupt the microbiome, potentially leading to long-term health consequences," Northwestern writes. Senior author Dr. Melinda Ring, director of the Osher Center for Integrative Health at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and a Northwestern Medicine physician, says, “Most people think of juicing as a healthy cleanse, but this study offers a reality check."

Try this instead:

“If you love juicing, consider blending instead to keep the fiber intact, or pair juices with whole foods to balance the impact on your microbiome,” Ring explains. You can also eat the fruit whole to ensure you're getting the fiber needed if blending it doesn't sound as appetizing as juicing.

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Be careful with supplements.Photo credit: Canva

4. High doses of supplements

There's a supplement for everything, and some people take as many as they can in an effort to fill in the gaps of their diet. But excess supplements can cause issues, one person reveals: "I got a kidney stone this way. Wasn't fun." According to Healthline, water-soluble vitamins are more benign, even when taken in higher doses, because the excess is excreted in the urine. Fat-soluble vitamins found in some supplements can cause dangerous toxicity levels that cause irreversible damage.

Katie Mohan, a 57-year-old woman, was close to needing a liver transplant after beginning a regimen of a turmeric supplement. A report of an increase in liver damage due to supplement use on NBC prompted her to seek medical care. She was hospitalized for six days. Dr. Dina Halegoua-De Marzio, a hepatologist at Jefferson Health in Philadelphia, tells NBC, “Natural does not mean safe. When you cook with turmeric, that could be really safe. But some of the supplements now are 2,000 mg-plus, which is a very high dose of turmeric." According to the World Health Organization, a daily dose should be no more than 0-3mg per kilogram (2.2 pounds) of body weight. Which means, even a man weighing 200 pounds should only take less than 300mg of turmeric a day.

Try this instead:

Get the appropriate nutrients through a balanced diet and stick to one multivitamin daily, instead of several different supplements. Adding more nutrient-dense foods can also aid in boosting the vitamins you're hoping to make up for with supplements, according to the Navy and Marine Corps Public Health Center.

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Guy finds long-forgotten album in a thrift shop, reunites the band, and is sharing their music with the world

The damaged vinyl record was first released 58-years-ago

feel good story, music, rock music, lost and found, musicians
Photo credit: Marcus Pollard on Facebook

Marcus Pollard is reviving a 77-year-old warehouse worker's lost rock music.

In the 1960s, Norman Roth and his band, The Glass Cage, were Canadian indie rockers who played small local shows and built enough of a following to land gigs in bigger cities. When Roth was 18, the band recorded a live performance that was never officially released and was eventually lost after they broke up shortly afterward. Now, thanks to a four-dollar thrift store purchase, the band's music is reaching a wider audience—58 years later.

In 2016, veteran rock music promoter Marcus Pollard bought an unlabeled vinyl record at a thrift store on a whim, despite the album being physically damaged. He fell in love with the six songs recorded on it and spent the next two years trying to track down any band members connected to the record.

"I searched in vain for two years trying to get any clue as to who was on the record, but to no avail," Pollard wrote on Facebook. "Then, in a last ditch effort I posted a clip on the Canadian Artists Records Appreciation FB page and... I got a hit!"

Pollard eventually received a reply that read, "Hey, that's my record!" from Roth, now 77 and working as a warehouse manager. Roth was floored that his band's long-lost recording had resurfaced, and he was able to listen to songs he hadn't heard in more than 50 years.

- YouTube youtube.com

After reuniting Roth with his lost music, Pollard went a step further. After consulting with the other band members, he set out to bring The Glass Cage's music back to life after remaining dormant for generations. Pollard spent the next eight years using his industry connections and expertise to officially release the album. Working with a team of professionals, he refurbished the damaged record, digitally remastered the songs, designed elaborate packaging, and developed a booklet detailing the band's impact on the Vancouver indie rock scene of the 1960s before they broke up.

The finished vinyl album, titled Where Did the Sunshine Go?, is scheduled for release on February 24, 2026.

"I feel like everyone has done something in their life that was dismissed," Pollard told CTV News. "And I wanted them to feel like what they created was actually important."

While Roth and his former bandmates are excited about the album's release, they aren't trying to relive their youth or chase the rock star dreams they once had. They're just happy that others will now have access to their music and are enjoying the ride.

"I'm not looking for accolades or super stardom—that's long gone," Roth told CTV News. "It's just saying to the world, 'I was here.' And I hope they enjoy it."

If you'd like to hear Roth's music, you can stream tracks by The Glass Cage on Bandcamp and purchase the vinyl when it's released.

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A grainy 1991 QVC infomercial 'starring' two terrifying porcelain dolls is triggering the best reactions

Did anyone actually buy these?

90s, Gen X, QVC, Hello Dolly, vintage dolls, porcelain dolls
Photo Credit: QVC, @80svintagevisions, Instagram

Two porcelain dolls being sold on QVC in 1991.

One of the most wonderful attributes of a QVC host is their ability to sell the heck out of anything. In 1991, this was the job of one such woman tasked with selling two porcelain dolls from the “Hello Dolly” collection by Albert E. Price. (A few online sleuths pegged her as Judy Crowell, though Upworthy spoke with her and she didn't recall.)

Whoever she was, this was quite a feat as these weren’t just any dolls. They were wide-eyed, cleft-chinned little siblings named Jaime and Jason. And they were certainly unique. Described as 16 inches and porcelain, the “brother/sister team” were selling for $50 each. (On screen, there’s a note that they retailed at $82 apiece.)

A clip of the set being hawked on QVC is making the rounds on social media, and it has many people genuinely intrigued. In the @Totally80sroom clip, we see two almost puppet-looking dolls, a boy and a girl, each clad in overalls with golden blonde hair. Jason is wearing a red hat, while Jaime has white bows in her hair. But it’s their expressions that truly stand out: both might be described by some as “frightened-looking” thanks to their intense, unique stares.

The camera zooms in on Jaime, who seems as if she’s side-eyeing the host with a tiny tear in one eye. The host asks, “Do they remind you of your two little ones? Or do they remind you of you and your brother when you were this age? Up to no good! Being put on restriction!”

She then laughs and tells a delightful story from her childhood. “Who was it… Jeff said to me, ‘Restriction? Who gets put on restriction? You get grounded!’” She lets out a hearty laugh. “Well, I was put on restriction! In first grade. And I remember my restriction was I couldn’t leave my own front yard. So I used to go up to the border. My border, where the grass—our grass—met the neighbor’s grass, and stand right on the edge. And say, ‘Nope! I can’t come over! I’m on restriction.’ So by the time the spanking was over, and all the sadness is gone from your eyes, then it became kind of a game.”

She pauses as if she's just remembering that she has a job to do. “And that’s probably what will happen to these two too. Fifty dollars for Jaime. And fifty dollars for Jason. It is your choice of porcelain dolls from Hello Dolly.”

dolls, clowns, porcelain, QVC, vintage dolls A white porcelain doll with a tear stain. Photo by Monique Layzell on Unsplash

The comments are fabulous. One points out the obvious. “They’re cute until you wake up in the middle of the night because of a noise and they’re sitting there staring at you!” Another has a similar thought. “They’ve looked like they’ve seen some stuff they weren’t supposed to.”

This person focuses on the excellent professionalism of the QVC host: “This hostess deserves an Academy Award for filling time talking about those horrendous dolls.”

These wouldn’t be the first dolls to raise some eyebrows. If TV and movies were an indication of the toys that kids had back in the '80s and '90s, it would seem we were all surrounded by clowns and Chucky dolls. While yes, we did have a few such things, they became more of a symbol of fear in media than in real life.

In a piece for Collider, feature writer Jenna Rae Isley discusses the 1982 Spielberg-written classic Poltergeist, in which a child’s toy clown becomes a nightmare for the audience. “In reality, a clown doll is just a clown doll. But in our imaginations and in Poltergeist, a clown doll is a sinister, watchful force, lurking ominously in the corner of our rooms, keeping us perpetually on edge until it ultimately makes its move.”

The very scary clown scene from the film Poltergeist. www.youtube.com, Moyer Movies

But according to research conducted by Scientific American staff, there are actual reasons that people across many cultures are afraid of clowns. After sending out a questionnaire with various clown-based scenarios, more people answered that they had coulrophobia due to ‘negative portrayals of clowns in popular culture’ rather than actual ‘frightening experiences with clowns.’” In other words, movie makers and artists determined them to be scary…and so they became scary. (Though according to the same research, some are truly afraid of the unsettling makeup, even that of Ronald McDonald.)

It’s worth noting that most people, at least according to this survey, are afraid of clowns because they’re masked. “In fact, the strongest factor we identified was hidden emotional signals, suggesting that for many people, a fear of clowns stems from not being able to see their facial expressions due to their make-up. We cannot see their ‘true’ faces and therefore cannot understand their emotional intent.”

To that point, Jaime and Jason do not seem to be hiding their true intent. They just seem scared…perhaps because they saw a clown.

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Child neurologist explains the reason children lie, and it's surprisingly wholesome

It's actually a developmental milestone.

children, child development, milestones, theory of mind, lying
Photo Credit: Canva

A child mischievously hides in a ball pit.

Parents, teachers, and child caregivers are often aware of the gentle quirks young kids can display. They can become moody, rambunctious, and, at a certain age, they begin to tell fibs. "I only had one cookie, Mommy," a child might say as an empty Oreos package sits on the floor beside them.

But never fear! Child neurologist Arif Khan explains that parents shouldn't worry if a young child tells little white lies. In fact, it's incredibly common and even a sign of healthy cognitive development.

In a YouTube video entitled, "The REAL Reason Children Start Lying to Parents," Khan explains, "Children lie, not because they're bad or manipulative. Children lie because their brains are developing something new. Psychologists call it 'Theory of Mind.' It's the ability to understand that other people think differently than you do."

Dr. Arik Khan explains how lying in childhood can be a developmental milestone. www.youtube.com, Dr. Arif Khan

He goes on to explain that it's a huge mental leap for the brain in that they're learning that they can actually possibly change someone's mind. "It's a huge milestone. It means the child is starting to realize, 'Mom doesn't know what I'm thinking.' And once they realize that, they start to experiment."

Though admitting it might sound "sneaky," he says it can be an example of massive mental growth. "Because to lie…the brain needs to do three things:

  1. Remember what's real.
  2. Inhibit the truth.
  3. Predict what the other person might believe."

Khan cites a 2015 study from the University of Toronto that concluded "Children who start lying earlier actually score higher on measures of social and cognitive intelligence."

Of course, that doesn't mean that lying should be encouraged. Instead, simply note that it means the "brain is growing in complexity" and why this can be an excellent predictor of good social skills and even empathy later on in life.

Laura Todd, a licensed therapist who specializes in parental mental health and child development, spoke with Upworthy regarding the topic. "White lies are a healthy part of social and emotional development in children by demonstrating a child's understanding of social skills, empathy, and emotional intelligence. It is a way of showing that they are balancing the nuance of being honest and being kind."

The question then becomes, how should parents react? Todd gives specific examples on how to model a shame-free environment for their kid. "Have the child 'do over' by letting them try again, such as, 'That doesn't sound like the whole truth. Do you want to try again?'"

She adds, "Focus on the underlying feelings that might be the reason for the white lies, such as embarrassment, fear, or anxiety. Avoid interrogating or pressuring your child to be honest, as that may backfire and encourage further lying to save face. If necessary, seek professional help if the child is lying frequently, impulsively, and shows additional behaviors that the parents or teachers are concerned about."

Stephanie Pappas, LMFT, tells Upworthy that parenting approaches have changed in recent years. "Up until recently, a majority of the parenting approach to lying has been to blame, shame, and create distance between parent and child through time-outs or punishments. In reality, lying is trying to serve the opposite function by creating connection, empathy, and attachment. When your child lies, they aren’t trying to upset you or create distrust on purpose; they’re actually trying to stay close and connected to you by avoiding shame or embarrassment about what they did. When we reframe lying as a child’s brain trying to avoid shame and disconnection, parents can soften their approach to it."

Pappas echoes Khan's assessment that the act of lying for a young child is most definitely a milestone. "The ability to lie also requires a child to simultaneously know the truth and also create a new story, which is an incredible neurological feat in the prefrontal cortex of the brain."

A compilation of children telling white lies to their parents. www.youtube.com, Listed

She also gives practical suggestions. "Next time your child lies, instead of creating a close-ended question of 'Did you do this?' which can elicit shame or embarrassment, open the conversation up with curiosity and leadership, such as, 'It looks like you made a mistake. We all make mistakes, and what’s important is that we grow from them. I want to be able to talk with you truthfully. Can you walk me through what happened?'"

Or, she states, it's even helpful to even turn the interaction into a game. "Being playful and silly can also be effective with younger children, with saying something along the lines of, 'Wow! I love how you used your brain and imagination to come up with that. Can we keep going with the story? Maybe we can draw a picture! Then after, we can talk about what really happened and figure out a solution.'"

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