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Philosophy expert shares the 'simple but profound rule' to tell if someone is a good or bad person

It comes down to a specific type of kindness.

goethe, waiters, servers, philosophy, good people, bad people, goodness, evil
via Canva/Photos and G.Meiners/Wikimedia Commons

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and a scene at a restaurant.

Have you ever met somebody new and wondered if they were a good person with a mischievous streak or a bad person who can turn on the charm and behave occasionally? Determining someone’s true moral character is important, especially if you start dating them or have a business relationship. It is crucial to get to the core of who they are and know whether they can be trusted.

Popular TikTok philosopher and Substack writer Juan de Medeiros recently shared a great way to determine whether someone is good or bad. His rubric for judging someone’s moral character comes from a quote commonly attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a German poet, playwright, novelist, and intellectual known for works like Faust and The Sorrows of Young Werther.

How can you tell if someone is a good or a bad person?

“Here's a pretty good indicator that somebody is a bad person and vice versa, how you can spot a good one. And this goes back to a simple rule, a moral aphorism by Goethe in which he writes, ‘Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,’” de Medeiros shared in a TikTok video with over 45,000 views.

“Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

@julianphilosophy

Good vs. bad #good #bad #wisdom

De Medeiros then provided real-world ways to determine whether the person you have questions about is good or bad. “A bad person is unfriendly to strangers, to the elderly, to children, to service staff, to anybody they're not trying to impress,” he said. At the same time, the good person treats people equally, no matter what they can do for him. They’re good for goodness sake, not to get anything out of it.

“A good person carries grace within them and shares it freely with abundance. A good person treats other people as they would like to be treated as well. And it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter what your status is, they will treat you and see you as their equal,” de Medeiros said.


What is 'The Waiter Rule'?

Goethe’s quote echoes the common red/green flag test that many people have on dates. Sure, it's important if your date is courteous and treats you well on the date, but you really want to watch how they interact with the server. The rule is often called “The Waiter Rule,” outlined by William Swanson. Swanson, the former chairman and CEO of Raytheon Company, wrote in his book, 33 Unwritten Rules of Management, "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter—or to others—is not a nice person." Boxer Muhammad Ali is also known for saying something similar: "I don't trust anyone who's nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position."


Rudeness toward the waitstaff also indicates that the person isn’t very smart. It’s not wise to be rude to someone who is in charge of your meal for the night.

Conversely, a good person is kind to others without looking for anything in return because they want to spread joy and believe that others deserve respect. You are what you do, not what you think or believe, and when someone treats others with goodness, it's a clear indicator of the type of person they are.

In the end, we are all a mixed bag of behaviors and attitudes, and even the most perfect of us has a devil on their shoulder telling them that it’s okay to occasionally get into a bit of mischief. However, when it comes down to determining someone's core character, how they treat those who can do nothing for them says everything.

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Joy

A woman accidentally said, 'Love you!' to an important client. His response was perfect.

He even followed up with a heartwarming e-mail.

Photo credit: Canva

Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments.

For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, "Love you!" Before bed at night, "Love you!" Getting off a call with them, "Love you!"

That's all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you're talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)

I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMANGiphy

A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.

"Accidentally said 'Love you!' at the end of a call with an important client yesterday," wrote a Reddit user. "I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:"

The email began, "Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a 'love you.' I just found it funny because I've definitely done that before, and I know it happens."

Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn't bothered by the "love you." But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:

"I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)"

Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. "Have a great weekend! We'll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed."

embarrassing story, saying I love you on accident, workplace stories, professional communication"Love you!" Oops.Photo credit: Canva

He didn't just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he's done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.

The client's emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people's hearts.

"What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally."

"You work with good people."

"Honestly, this made my day 😂 It's so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!"

"Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward."

"Green flags from that client."

Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk ShowGiphy

People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental "love you"s and it was a veritable love-fest:

"I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call - she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed."

"I said 'love you' to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with 'bye love you!'"

"Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died."

"A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with 'I love you' when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night."

Embarrassed Hide GIF by florGiphy

"I had a coworker say 'love you,' just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, 'Don’t tell my wife.' We both laughed and finally disconnected."

"I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week."

"Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with "love you." Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn't think it was love."

Embarrassing moments don't have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.

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A man who was born blind describes how he perceives of colors and it's mind-bending

"How can the sky and ice be the same color?”

The Tommy Edison Experience/YouTube

How does a person who is born blind conceive of color?

People who are born blind have a very different relationship with the world than those who were born sighted, even if they lose their ability to see at some later point in life. People born blind take in the world with their other senses—touch, sound, smell, taste—but certain things, like color, can only be experienced and understood through eyesight.

When you've never had sight, you have no reference for color other than what people tell you. Grass is green. Lemons are yellow. Stop signs are red. But what green, yellow, and red actually look like is impossible to explain. And the fact that different colors can evoke different feelings in people—blue being soothing or red being alarming—means nothing to a person who's never seen them.

colors, color wheel, paint colors, blind person, visionHow do you explain color to a blind person?Photo credit: Canva

Tommy Edison was born blind and shares what life is like for him as a blind person on his YouTube channel, The Tommy Edison Experience. Edison's candid, open sharing has helped millions of people understand life for blind people a little bit better, and his good-natured demeanor has earned him a devoted following.

How do blind people understand color?

In one video, Edison shares that colors are something sighted people are often most curious about. How do you understand something you've never seen and can't really be described? "Being blind since birth, I've never seen color," he says. "I don't have any concept of what it is. I've never seen anything. But there's this whole part of vocabulary, of language, that doesn't mean anything to me."

He likened it to trying to explain what the sound of the ocean or the sound of birds chirping is like to someone who's never heard. "No concept. None," he shares. He says people often try to explain a sense with another sense, like, "This color smells like [blank]." That still doesn't mean anything.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

He knows that a stoplight is red or that "in the red" means you're in financial trouble, simply from things he's heard. But he still doesn't know what red looks like. "Blue is the water. Cold or ice is blue. The sky is blue," he says. "Now how can the sky and ice be the same thing? That's weird to me. Same color means two completely different things. I don't get it."

How about orange? "I know nothing rhymes with orange," he says. "Way to go, orange. Way to be involved in poetry and song." He understands black and white as opposites, but still no idea what either of them look like.

"And then there are things that don't have color, like water," he says. "It doesn't have color, but the ocean does. I don't get that. Color is hard." Color is hard to explain to someone who's never seen colors, since it's 100% a visual concept.

Edison did try an experiment to see if he could guess the colors of Magic Markers based on what he knows about color associations and scents. Unfortunately, Magic Marker scents aren't spot-on representations of what they're supposed to smell like, so it was tricky. He predicted he'd get half of them correct, four out of eight.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

And he did. The fact that he mentioned a white marker at the end is interesting. We all know white Magic Markers don't exist, but how would he know that? Color really is hard. Edison's thoughts on color got people pondering and trying to "see" things from his perspective, which is, of course, almost as impossible as trying to describe color to a blind person.

"My neurons started working so hard to think how to explain a blind human what is 'a colour.'"

"It's like us trying to imagine a dimension beyond 3D."

"Color is like the tasting of seeing, it just gives objects extra 'flavor' instead of being dull."

colors, colorblind glasses, black and white, blind person seeing colors, color conceptColors add visual "flavor" to what we see.Photo credit: Canva

"You know what makes my brain tie itself in a knot? Trying to understand how he imagines or thinks of objects. I mean, when someone says 'big car' to me, I immediately visualize it. The more info, the clearer the image. Big, blue, rusty van. With a broken mirror. You 'see' that, upon reading it, right? But how does he 'see' it in his mind? Does his memory of having felt the shape of a car 'paint a picture' of a shape that he recollects? How could it, when he has no concept of seeing any picture, ever.. Lets put it like this; if someone asks me to think of the shape of an object, I have no other way of thinking about it but visualizing it's shape. Think of three wooden unpainted, rough poles, in the shape of the letter H. Sure, you can imagine feeling the splinter-riddled surfaces and how you run your hands across the shape that forms and H.. But you can't stop yourself from visualizing it.. Can you? Just... I can't understand how something can be visualized, with no concept of visuals. His mind is as much a mystery to us as ours is to him on these matters."

"The way he thinks about colors is like how we think what is in his head. It’s hard to imagine."

Trying to see different perspectives is a valuable exercise in general, but trying to see the perspective of someone who can't see can help us truly expand our capacity for empathy and understanding.

Find more videos on The Tommy Edison Experience on YouTube.

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We asked people to share books that changed their life. Here are 12 top reads.

The power of a good book is unmatched.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Books are powerful.

As a participant in the Amazon Associates affiliate program, Upworthy may earn proceeds from items purchased that are linked to this article, at no additional cost to you.

Out of all human inventions, books might just be the greatest. That's a bold statement in the face of computers, the internet and the international space station, but none of those things would be possible without books. The written record of human knowledge has allowed our learning advancements to be passed down through generations, not to mention how incredible it is that we're able to capture human creativity through longform storytelling.

Books have the power to change our lives on a fundamental level, shift our thinking, influence our beliefs, put us in touch with our feelings, and help us understand ourselves and one another better. That's why we asked Upworthy's audience to share a book that changed their life. Thousands of responses later, we have a list of inspiring reads that rose to the top.

Unsurprisingly, the most common responses were religious scriptures—the Bible, the Quran, the Book of Mormon, etc. Beyond those, here are the most common books, both fiction and non-fiction, that people considered life-changing.

1. "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist book cover, Paulo CoelhoThe Alchemist by Paulo CoelhoAmazon

"From the very first page, Coelho's storytelling prowess weaves a tapestry of adventure, wisdom, and self-discovery that is unparalleled. The protagonist's quest for his personal legend resonated deeply with me, prompting introspection into my own aspirations and purpose. The narrative, while seemingly a simple tale, unravels layers of universal truths and timeless wisdom that are applicable to every reader's journey." – Matt Brown

"Such greatness. Coelho tells the story with simplicity and elegance, and it is beautiful. The Alchemist is rhetorical kind of book that stays with you, and demands some time to unfold in your mind. Loved it!" – J. Green

Find "The Alchemist" on Amazon.

2. "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements book cover, Don Miguel RuizThe Four Agreements by Don Miguel RuizAmazon

"This book literally changed my outlook on so many things. I’ve read it at least three times completely through. It helps deal with anxiety and helps you reframe and analyze your thoughts which may be troubling you. The writing style is great and I’ve already read other books by the same author. Would highly recommend purchasing this if you want to rethink your assumptions about yourself or other people." – Freddy

"By far the best book I’ve read. The simplicity in composition and detail is amazing. Would recommend everyone have a read. This book is truly a masterpiece." – Joshua

Find "The Four Agreements" on Amazon.

3. "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee

To Kill a Mockingbird book cover, Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird by Harper LeeAmazon

"I remember reading the book many years ago and being moved by it especially being from the North and not as familiar with racism. I wondered why some schools were banning it so decided to revisit. I had forgotten the details but it is still an important book and reminds us that the fight against all prejudice is never finished and its current resurgence is cause for concern. This book should be required reading at a pretty young age. We can’t change what we don’t understand. If you have children read it with them and teach them well." – Maria

"I can’t imagine, for the life of me, why this book has been banned. It is the most moral and righteous book I’ve ever read. It represents a time in our history when racism was endemic to the white population except for one compassionate lawyer. Told from his children’s point of view with an unforgettable narrator, the story of a small southern town comes alive." – Peggy

Find "To Kill a Mockingbird" on Amazon.

4. "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle

The Power of Now, Eckhart TolleThe Power of Now by Eckhart TolleAmazon

"This has become a true icon in the book of books on understanding how the mind works and how we become trapped in it. A must read." – Bill C.

"This book helped me through the toughest time in my life. It was an easy read, but ultimately, it helped me open my mind to many things and see things from multiple perspectives. My life coach recommended this book, and I'm happy that she did. It truly did save my life." – Coach J.

Find "The Power of Now" on Amazon.

5. "The Midnight Library" by Matt Haig

The Midnight Library book cover, Matt HaigThe Midnight Library by Matt HaigAmazon

"I did not expect to enjoy this book so much. I very much admire the writer's prowess in creating a beautiful and inspiring story out of a depressing premise and what I admire even more is the perspective he has given me about life." – Ashish S.

"'The Midnight Library' by Matt Haig is nothing short of a literary masterpiece that effortlessly weaves together the threads of life, regret, and the boundless possibilities that lie in our choices. This No.1 Sunday Times bestseller and worldwide phenomenon is a soul-stirring exploration of the human experience that lingers in the reader's mind long after the final page." – George L.

Find "The Midnight Library" on Amazon.

6. "Atomic Habits" by James Clear

Atomic Habits book cover, James ClearAtomic Habits by James ClearAmazon

"Atomic Habits by James Clear isn't just a book; it's a roadmap to personal excellence. Deserving a resounding 5 out of 5 stars, this masterpiece has profoundly impacted my approach to habit formation and personal development." – Ahamed

"Whether you're looking to break free from destructive habits, achieve ambitious goals, or simply lead a more fulfilling life, this book is a must-read. Clear's insights have the power to ignite change and propel you towards the best version of yourself." – SC

Find "Atomic Habits" on Amazon.

7. "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom

Tuesdays with Morrie book cover, Mitch AlbomTuesdays with Morrie by Mitch AlbomAmazon

"I wish I had read this book earlier. It teaches to love those in your life with everything you have. We never know when life will take them away. Our parents will continue to age. Our friends will drift away. We will end up driving away the ones we say 'I love you' to. It’s not too late to tell them how much you love them. It’s not too late to show them how much you love them. If you share your love before it’s too late, you won’t live your life with regret." – P.M.

"Mitch Albom is my favorite author. Tuesdays with Morrie did not disappoint. Please please read this book. It is heartwarming, inspirational and will make you do an introspection that will change your priorities. I promise." – A.C.

Find "Tuesdays with Morrie" on Amazon.

8. "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle

Untamed book cover, Glennon DoyleUntamed by Glennon DoyleAmazon

"By page 16, I’d already sobbed, laughed, sobbed, reconsidered who I am, how I live my life, and what I’m doing next, and cried again. So much fire lit. This is a masterpiece. Thank the universe (and Glennon) it published now. Lord knows we need this now. It is already one of my top favorite books ever, and I read a lot. Like, a LOT." – Anna S.

""Untamed" is a powerful and empowering memoir that delves deep into themes of self-discovery, authenticity, and breaking free from societal expectations. Doyle's writing is raw, honest, and deeply relatable. From the moment I started reading, I felt a connection to her journey and the struggles she navigates. One of the standout qualities of this book is Doyle's ability to articulate complex emotions and thoughts in a way that resonates with readers. Her insights into the expectations placed on women, the constraints of traditional roles, and the journey to reclaiming one's true self are both enlightening and inspiring." – Frank C.

Find "Untamed" on Amazon.

9. "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl

Man's Search for Meaning book cover, Viktor FranklMan's Search for Meaning by Victor FranklAmazon

"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl is a poignant exploration of resilience under the most testing conditions. As a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, Frankl intertwines his concentration camp experiences with his psychological expertise. Central to the book is the idea of logotherapy, which posits that finding meaning in life is the primary human drive. Frankl's narrative transcends its historical context, offering timeless insights into human endurance and the quest for purpose. The book is especially impactful for those facing personal adversities, as it highlights the power of choice and perspective in shaping one's destiny." – Neal W.

"This little one hundred page book is perhaps the most meaningful and profound that you can ever read. Disturbing, yet full of 'tragic optimism,' this book will change the way you think about life, happiness, and meaning." – Paige T.

Find "Man's Search for Meaning" on Amazon.

10. "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer

The Untethered Soul book cover, Michael SingerThe Untethered Soul by Michael A. SingerAmazon

"Michael A. Singer's "The Untethered Soul" is a literary masterpiece that has left an indelible mark on my journey of self-discovery. I stumbled upon this gem through a TikTok video recommendation, and I am profoundly grateful that I did." – Matt B.

"This book encapsulates every spiritual book I’ve read into a concise oneness! Everyone would benefit in some way by reading this book. Period." – Joe S.

Find "The Untethered Soul" on Amazon.

11. "The Giver" by Lois Lowry

The Giver book cover, Lois LowryThe Giver by Lois LowryAmazon

"Brought this book since my daughter had to read it for school and I always like to know what are they are teaching her. I am going to be honest very surprise that they are giving this kind of story to a 8th grader since the story is very intense, surprising, sad but at the same time beautiful and teach the real meaning of love and sacrifice. That live in an idealistic world does not work and it's never better than having love in your live." – Marla

"The way Lois slowly introduces us into her idyllic and yet cruel world is simply amazing. The end of the book has left me completely moved and flabbergasted." – Nathan S.

Find "The Giver" on Amazon.

12. "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch

The Last Lecture book cover, Randy PauschThe Last Lecture by Randy PauschAmazon

"I’ve read this book twice now. Once at 18 and now again at 33! Both time it hits deep. Fantastic read!" – A.C.

"Professor Randy Pausch was diagnosed with terminal cancer. In response, Pausch wrote and delivered one last lecture--a self-help guide on living life with purpose and meaning. But his lecture wasn't really for his students or for the world, although it's been a massive bestseller. It was for his children.

One of my favorite books of all-time, with one of my favorite lines of all time. 'If I could only give three words of advice, they'd be, 'Tell the truth.' If I got three more, they'd be, 'All the time.' --Randy Pausch" – Phil W.

Find "The Last Lecture" on Amazon.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Frustrated mom goes off for 2-minutes on the 'professionalization' of kids sports

"When did extracurriculars become so EXTRA?"

via Canva/Photos

One mom has had enough with so-called casual extracurriculars that require massive family commitments

"Let's sign our six-year-old up for soccer!" you think one day, trying to be the good involved parent. It's all fun and games at first, and there doesn't seem to be much of a downside. Your child will get exercise, learn teamwork and cooperation, develop leadership skills, and get valuable time outside away from tablets and other screens. The games will be fun, and there will be snacks, Gatorade, and, of course, the orange slices. What could go wrong?

Fast forward two years, and suddenly you're at practice until seven p.m. three nights per week and arranging to travel out of town for a weekend tournament in Jacksonville. Your house is in shambles, you're living off of fast food, and your bank account is screaming at you to stop signing up for extra private training sessions and off-season leagues.

When did it get like this? Didn't there once be a time when kids could casually play sports without worrying about whether they'd be able to get a college scholarship or go pro one day?

One frustrated mom on TikTok is wondering the same thing, and just unleashed a perfect monologue against what she calls the "professionalization" or youth sports.

kids, youth sports, kids sports, soccer, dance, ballet, parents, parenting, moms, motherhood, childrensoccer win GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy

The mom, who goes by @LittleRedSchoolHouse on social media, has a daughter who takes ballet—and it's driving her to the brink. "My daughter is in dance, and that's great, she loves it. But she doesn't want to be a ballerina, she doesn't want to be a professional dancer. She just likes to go to her class and dance," she says.

Yet, despite the casual nature of the class, the mom suddenly found herself signed up for a whopping three performances in a 24-hour period. The kicker is that her daughter would only be dancing for five minutes in each show.

"We have to be there for 12 hours so she can dance for 15 minutes." And then there's tickets to buy, costume fees, paying for her daughter to be in the performance (a separate fee from the usual tuition!), and a fundraiser to participate in to raise additional money. It's a massive time and financial commitment from the family.

"I think we need to normalize kids being able to participate in activities and extracurriculars without professionalizing them as parents. For example, kids should be able to play soccer without having to go to league championships or weekend-long jamborees or away games," she says. "They should be able to gain the skill of playing on a team, learning how to play a sport, being physical, having fun with their friends, getting out there and being active, without being forced into this, ‘More, more, more, go, go, go, go, you must be the best at it,’ sort of behavior."

You can watch the whole, compelling argument here:


@littleredschoolhouseco

Not to mention that this kind of commitment is difficult for parents or kids with disabilities, and families in general who have more than one kid that participates in activities. When did extra curriculars become so EXTRA? More is not always better! #letthembelittle #homeschoolextracurricular #parenting

Parents poured into the comments to air their own grievances with the current state of youth sports culture:

"Travel teams are SO out of control."

"What’s even crazier is if you don’t commit like this when they’re little they’re almost guaranteed to not make the school teams when they get to it at grade level."

"I think it’s also ruined kids' sense of self-worth and reality. Not everyone can go pro, and that’s okay, and it also makes kids think that only rich kids can go pro."

"Privatization ruins everything. Public rec leagues and classes are age-appropriate, inclusive, and affordable. Kids learn skills and have fun, and they can change activities every season if they want."

Adults aren't immune to this same system and culture. We can't even have hobbies anymore without feeling like we need to somehow monetize them into a side hustle or eventually go pro. So it makes sense that kids aren't allowed to play sports for fun without having big ambitions of playing at the university level. This creates a paradox described well by a Vox article whereby only kids from families with the most resources even have a shot at playing at high levels. Only "semi-rich" families can afford the time and money it takes to stay involved with high-stakes leagues.

kids, youth sports, kids sports, soccer, dance, ballet, parents, parenting, moms, motherhood, childrenRunning around, drinking Gatorade, and eating oranges. That's what youth sports should be! Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Some users chimed in to blame parents for pushing too hard and trying to "live vicariously" through their children. But the point of the viral TikTok was that parents are often in a bind where there aren't any more casual options, and they have to choose between high-stakes activities or no activities at all.

Kids who want to obsess over being the best and chase the highest highs of their chosen sport should have those opportunities. But there should also be low-stakes activities available through public parks, churches, the YMCA, and other community centers. Until those options start coming back, kids and parents alike will be paying the price.

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After wife's terminal diagnosis, man builds laundry soap device so she can remain independent

A village from around the world showed up online to help him get it perfect.

Photo credit: Canva

Man builds device to help after wife's terminal diagnosis.

When a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, it changes everything, including things you may not have yet thought about. As their disease progresses, they're able to do less and less for themselves, sometimes resulting in a spouse being the caregiver for their once healthy partner. But for the ill person, maintaining as much independence as possible for as long as possible can be rewarding.

Artur Zamber recently shared a heartfelt story about his attempt to keep his wife feeling as independent as possible after she was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. The activity she needed assistance with is something that many take for granted: pouring laundry detergent into the cap in order to wash clothes.

laundry; bone cancer; love story; man builds device; kindnessA washing machine. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

"It was the detergent bottle. She couldn’t press the button with both hands anymore. Bone cancer made sure of that. And when I reached over to help her, she flinched. Not because of pain. Because of pride," Zamber writes in his post. "We’ve always been equals, me and her. Forty years of marriage and we’ve never once said 'that’s not my job.' She grew the tomatoes. I built the trellis. She crocheted the blankets. I chopped the wood. We met each other in the middle every single time. But disease…It doesn’t meet you halfway."

It was this realization that caused Zamber to figure out a way to make the laundry soap easier for his wife to dispense on her own. He got some wood and spent hours trying to design a contraption that would allow the soap to be dispensed with one hand As he worked, he quickly realized he may need some assistance. Zamber posted his sketch and explained what he was trying to accomplish in the Tedooo app, an app for hobbyists and crafters to share ideas or sell things. Soon after the desperate husband's initial post, a village of crafters from around the world appeared.

laundry; bone cancer; love story; man builds device; kindnessHobby Lobby Community - Coupons, Finds and Crafters on the Tedooo app | I didn’t build this because I’m handy | Facebookwww.facebook.com

"I posted a rough sketch. Said I was trying to make something for my wife. Didn’t expect much. But my inbox lit up like Christmas. Makers from everywhere Oregon, Croatia, Argentina sent me diagrams, photos, even voice notes walking me through it like we were neighbors," he says.

After working through the design with others, Zamber created a box that holds the laundry soap and tilts forward so his wife can pour it with one hand. The man is adamant he was not trying to "help" his wife or make something "for her," but was instead making something with her in mind so she didn't feel like she needed him to do everything for her.

laundry; bone cancer; love story; man builds device; kindnessMan kissing woman on check beside body of water. Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

"We don’t always get to fix what’s broken. But sometimes, we get to honor it. And that’s enough," Zamber shares.

People were moved by the post on social media with one person writing in part, "This is so beautiful. The detergent holder and everything it represents. Your story is resonating with me today in a very unique way."

"Oh my goodness, what sweet, respectful, strong Beautiful Love. Praying for your wife, and for you, seems she is in very loving hands, what a thoughtful way to honor her independence, and help at the same time. What sweet love," another said.

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