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Pediatricians have just declared that spanking under any circumstances is bad for children.

20 years ago, the American Academy of Pediatrics started veering parents away from spanking. Now they’re outright saying "Don't do it."

In 1998, the AAP issued guidelines to doctors stating that "parents be encouraged and assisted in developing methods other than spanking in response to undesired behavior." Now, the nation's largest organization of doctors who specialize in treating children is taking a harder stance.

"Aversive disciplinary strategies, including all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children, are minimally effective in the short-term and not effective in the long-term," the new policy statement reads. "With new evidence, researchers link corporal punishment to an increased risk of negative behavioral, cognitive, psychosocial, and emotional outcomes for children.


Corporal punishment is defined as "noninjurious, open-handed hitting with the intention of modifying child behavior," which includes spanking. The policy statement includes findings from a vast body of research showing that spanking is proven to be ineffective at changing children's behavior and is associated with negative mental health in the long term.

Spanking has been a subject of debate among parents for decades, with passionate arguments on both sides.

I've written parenting content for years and have witnessed countless discussions about spanking. Some feel it's absolutely unacceptable strike a child in any way, for any reason. Others see a "pop on the butt" as a necessary way to drive home a lesson and teach kids to behave. Frequently, those in the non-spanking camp cite the research showing that spanking is an ineffective and potentially harmful form of discipline. Those who defend spanking often point to the decrease in spanking as a reason "kids these days" are disrespectful and misbehaved, and insist that being spanked themselves did not adversely affect them in any way.

Having grown up in a non-spanking household and raising my kids in one, I've never understood the arguments that spanking is necessary. Most kids now aren't spanked, and most of them are lovely children and teens who are respectful, kind, contributing members of our community.

So what do non-spanking parents do instead?

Healthy discipline strategies start with an understanding of natural child development stages.

Babies and toddlers can sometimes exhibit behaviors that may be frustrating to parents, but often those behaviors are simply phases of learning.

For instance, for babies and young toddlers who are getting into things, Dr. Robert Sege, a pediatrician at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts Medical Center in Boston and first author of the AAP policy statement told CNN, "the best thing to do is just pick them up and move them somewhere else, distract them, change the subject—and that's usually all they need and they can handle it."

Some spankers say they only use spanking for serious safety issues, like a toddler running into the street. Some, like Sege, suggest logical consequences like having the child hold your hand anytime you're near a road. But if the goal is to inspire fear of something truly dangerous, there are ways to do that without spanking.

When my toddlers started running into a road or reaching for a hot stovetop, I would immediately sweep them into my arms and express my own exaggerated fear for their safety. "Are you okay?! That was so scary! That car could have squashed you!" I'd get right down on their level, let them see my worried face, check them over to "make sure they were okay," and then hug them tight again. "Oh, thank goodness you're okay! That was so scary!" A little dramatic perhaps, but effective.

Positive parenting is a long game, but loving, consistent teaching pays off.

As kids get older and can understand more, parenting means lots of communication and consistency. Of course, kids need to know that there are consequences for their actions and choices—that's an important life lesson for parents to teach—but nowhere in real life is being hit on the butt a natural consequence for a poor choice.

Most of parenting boils down to helping kids learn how to be good humans, and spanking does nothing to teach them how to do that. And since research shows spanking is ineffective at best and harmful at worst, there's simply no need for it. Other methods of discipline are shown to have better outcomes, so parents would be wise to stop thinking of it as a necessary or useful tool and explore other means of teaching kids good behavior and habits.

All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

True

A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.
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Some parents are the default because there’s an imbalance in the home, which forces them to assume most of the day-to-day child-rearing responsibilities. In other families, one parent is the default because the other is busy with work or other obligations.

Popular TikTokker Jordan Klein wondered why she becomes overwhelmed halfway through the day while watching her children. "I have three boys, ages 5, 3, and 1, and I continuously lose my sh*t. Sometimes it comes out. Sometimes," she said in a recent post. "I lose my sh*t right around 2 or 3 p.m. every day without fail. My husband works from home. But he does not lose his sh*t consistently. So, what's going on?"

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This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5

@jothemama

This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5

"I downloaded one of those little counter clicker apps on my phone where I could just push the screen, and it ticks up one number, and I was just gonna hit it every time one of my children ...made a request,” Jordan said in her TikTok video.

Just ten minutes after downloading the app, her kids made 86 requests of her. She even didn't count repeats, and kids love to repeat themselves. “I guarantee you that if I were to ask my husband how many requests a day he gets at work... it's in the single digits, for sure," she added.

And they say being a stay-at-home mom isn’t a full-time job! “This validates my burnout, right?” Jordan captioned her post.

"I feel this completely, and point it out often to my husband. Like yall, Dad is RIGHT THERE. Ask him," CrochetFeen wrote in the comments. "I have 3 kids too and ‘Mom’ is now a triggering word," Sandra added.

The quasi-scientific experiment gives Jordan some excellent ammunition when talking to her husband about how they divide parenting duties. Even if it doesn’t mean he takes over the default role after work, it at least makes a great case that Jordan deserves more than a few lengthy breaks throughout the day and a few days off every month.

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