There’s a long-standing debate in the world of parenting over whether parents should spank their children. A 2021 study found that 47% of parents “somewhat or strongly agree” with the practice, 35% disagree to “some extent,” and 18.5% neither agree or disagree. Recently, TikToker Abigail Winters shared why she changed her thoughts on spanking, and people applaud her growth as a parent. Winters describes herself as a “skincare enthusiast, museum lover, budget traveler, and reluctant entrepreneur.”
“Spanking is lazy parenting, and I say that as a former spanker,” she begins in her video. “When I was in training to become a foster parent is when it clicked for me.” Foster parents are not allowed to use corporal punishment in the home, so Winters began to consider new modes of discipline to be consistent with her biological child and those she fosters.
“But then in our classes, we went more in-depth about what happens to children who are spanked, and it was the attitude of the other parents that really course-corrected for me,” she continues. “Because the other parents would say things like ‘Oh, I can’t wait until I can finally adopt my own, and I can discipline however I want.’”
Winters was disturbed that some of the other parents in foster classes dismissed the idea that spanking can be harmful and looked forward to adopting their kids so they could spank them. “[It] made me go, ‘There’s something wrong here; why would anyone be excited to hit a child?’ It was literally looking in those other parents’ faces who were making those kind of comments that made me resolve that spanking is horrible,” Winters continued.
“I love that you changed when presented with new information,” one person wrote in the comments. “As a foster parent educator, thank you for this. Everything you said is what I try to get across to parents!” another added. “It was exactly the same experience for me when I adopted my nephews from foster care and became a licensed foster parent. I became a better parent to my biological kids, too,” one more wrote.
When we discipline our kids, we shouldn't be harming them on purpose. via Canva
Is spanking bad for kids?
The American Association of Pediatrics has been firmly against spanking since at least 1998. Studies have found that children who experience repeated use of corporal punishment tend to develop more aggressive behaviors, increased aggression in school, and an increased risk of mental health disorders. Physical punishment can also reduce the development of gray matter in children’s brains, reducing their IQ. It can also lead to permanently high cortisol levels, also known as the stress hormone.
Elizabeth T. Gershoff, professor and director of the Population Research Center at the University of Texas at Austin, says that parents should consider whether they are really teaching their children by spanking them or just making them afraid. The word “discipline” means “to teach,” said Gershoff. “We know children learn best in environments where they feel safe, and where they trust the people that are trying to teach them. Those are the strategies that we should be using to discipline children. There’s no evidence that scaring a child and making them feel pain is going to help them learn.”
Winters hopes her video will encourage other parents to rethink their attitudes toward spanking like she has. “You have to push the boundaries of probably what you’ve been raised in to really find other solutions,” she said. “And so, having to reach for that knowledge, having to expand in that way, does require a lot of effort. It requires a lot of rewiring and it’s just lazy when you refuse to do that.”
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.
Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
At Upworthy, we love sharing the “best of humanity” with our audience, and this story out of Utah, originally reported by CBS News’ Steve Hartman, shows the power of love to break down barriers.
When Schauna Austin was 20 years old, she got pregnant and knew she wasn’t ready to raise a child, so she made the difficult decision to give the baby up for adoption.
She gave birth to a son she named Riley and only had three days to spend with him before surrendering him to his new family. So, she held him tight for 72 hours straight.
“It was perfect,” Austin said about those three emotionally-charged days. “I knew I would have him for a short time, so I made every minute count of it. I didn’t sleep for three days.” It must have been tough for Austin to give up her son because the grieving process of surrender and adoption can be incredibly difficult.
The beginning of an unlikely journey
Riley was placed with Chris and Jennifer Schoebinger through a closed adoption, and they decided to rename him Steven.
In a closed adoption, the birth mother, Austin, would not receive any information about the adoptive family. In Utah, closed adoptions are a rarity these days, with about 95% allowing some exchange of information between the birth and adoptive parents. Usually, the birth parents have a good deal of input over whether they prefer to have regular contact or not with the adoptive family.
However, about a week later, the Schoebingers made a major decision.
The Schoebingers decided Austin should be involved in Steven’s life. They wanted to officially open the closed adoption.
You can imagine that it’s a big and potentially risky decision for adoptive parents to bring in a birth parent. It could complicate things, stir up difficult feelings, or even bring conflict into their lives. But the Schoebingers weren’t worried about any of that.
“It was like, ‘OK, this is the way it should be. She was part of our family,’” Jennifer told CBS News.
“You know, you can’t have too many people loving you, right? Why couldn’t he be both of ours?” Chris added.
A life documented in books and photos
Every year, the Schoebingers sent Austin pictures and bound journals showing Steven’s journey in deep detail. They even had lists of all the new words he learned each year. The books were titled “The Life and Times of ‘Riley,’” paying homage to Steven’s original name.
The hope was that one day when the biological mother and son were ready, they could pick up where they left off. That moment came when Steven was seven years old and his biological mother taught him to fish. The unique arrangement has been fantastic for both Austin and her biological son. “I was blessed beyond words,” Austin said. “I kind of got the best of both worlds, for sure,” Steven agreed. It may seem like relationships between children and those who gave them up for adoption would be complicated, but studies show that 84% of adoptees reported high levels of satisfaction when maintaining ongoing contact with their birth parents. It’s considered the standard these days unless there are specific reasons why it’s in the best interest of the child to have the adoption be closed.
Steven is now 28 and in August 2022, he and his wife, Kayla, had their first child, a boy they named…wait for it…Riley. Austin, herself, is now a grandmother.
He’s heeere!!! ? Our first grandchild. Welcome, Riley. You don’t know me yet, but our home will always be your home. No matter what life throws your way, you will be loved and accepted and we’ll eat pie! And ice cream. And you’ll wonder if that’s the only thing grandpa eats? ? pic.twitter.com/7ac8A0GVKI
The remarkable story of Austin and the Schoebinger family proves that when we put walls between ourselves and others, we are often blocking everyone off from more love and support.
It’s Father’s Day. And as a father, I’m excited for my son to soon be a new father. Still strange to think I’ll be a grandfather. But I’m really looking forward to it. ❤️ pic.twitter.com/0RZlD8cwP7
People on social media were incredibly moved by the story. Dozens of commenters chimed in on YouTube to express their gratitude for the families involved:
“Steven’s adoptive parents are WONDERFUL! They weren’t selfish, and did what was best for STEVEN, His dad said it best—–the more love a child has, the better. His bio mom lucked out with this special couple as well, especially when they sent her the books each year! This story was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!” one user wrote.
“Speaks volumes of his adoptive parents and also the love of his natural mother to make the hardest decision on earth,” another said.
“Thank you for including the birth mom in the raising of your son. I’m adopted and it was a closed one. the struggle of not knowing your birth parents is real. I just spent my first Christmas in 56 years with my Ukrainian birth family. Full circle family is love. Oh what a ride!” someone added.
Ultimately, Chris Schoebinger, the adoptive dad, said it best:
“I think the lesson we learned is that sometimes we create barriers where barriers don’t need to be. And when we pull down those barriers, we really find love on the other side,” Chris said.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Parents might have noticed their teens feasting on a plain bowl of meat and rice. The ‘boy kibble’ craze started as a simple joke to get likes on social media. Kids are now consuming the same meal every day, no complaints.
Parents can spend years of time and energy attempting to fix how their kids eat. But this viral trend offers an opportunity to embrace a different strategy: work with what they already want to do and make it healthier.
The trending three-meals-a-day, seven-days-a-week meal plan is one simple dish on repeat. A bowl consisting of meat, usually beef, for the high iron and protein, and rice. That’s it.
Teens like it so much because it’s straightforward, easy to prepare, and removes some of the obstacles to healthy eating. It can take a lot of time to learn how to make a tasty, healthy meal.
Healthline reported that the trend is inexpensive and offers young men interested in muscle building a basic high-protein meal. Nutrition experts agree that the dish provides important nutrients. However, without modification, it has nutritional gaps. Even eating very healthy foods without variety leads to deficiencies.
Dr. Sanjai Thankachen, medical director at New Leaf Detox, explained how some eating habits can be concerning. “If eating patterns become very restrictive or tied to body image concerns, it may signal disordered eating, which is an unhealthy relationship with food and weight.”
However, Thankachen does recognize the value and draw for teens, “Trends like ‘boy kibble’ often appeal to teenagers because they simplify decision-making. Fewer choices can reduce stress and make it easier to meet basic nutrition goals, especially protein intake. That part can be useful.”
The simple truth is that ‘boy kibble’ is much healthier than typical teen diets. Avoiding highly processed foods, sodas, fast food, and sugary snacks and replacing them with more protein and consistency is a positive step in the right direction.
The Society of Behavioral Medicine suggests consistency beats chaos trends like skipping meals or binging junk food. Regular eating patterns offer better energy, nutrition, and brain function, especially in teens.
There is a real, hidden parenting upside to this new eating plan, too. A psychiatrist, Sam Zand, told Upworthy the trend was a strong starting point for modeling healthier eating habits. “One approach is by taking advantage of the ‘trend’ and have your teen continue to use easy and independent meal options, while incorporating more variety and nutritional quality.”
Zand continues, “This will also provide parents the opportunity to model how to have a flexible, unrestricted approach to eating, which can buffer their children from developing a negative self-image and/or problems with physical and/or emotional health at a later age.”
A 2025 study in the National Library of Medicine found adolescence was the critical window during which diet shapes lifelong health outcomes. Parents have a little over a decade to encourage imperfect, but better habits. Basic protein and carbs, not fast food, can have a lasting, long-term impact.
Parents understand that guiding teens in the right direction takes a strategic and patient skill set. A 2024 study in Frontiers found that overcontrolling parents led to worse eating habits. Parents who provide structure and support while allowing some autonomy bring healthier eating habits.
this was amazing and is not to be mistaken with bear dinner, as that would include berries and honey If you want help getting in the best shape of your life dm me “START” no gimmicks, just results #gym#bodybuilding#Fitness#fitnesscoach#workout
Teens don’t fail at nutrition because they’re apathetic or don’t care. They struggle because food choices can be overwhelming, and healthy options aren’t the easiest to make. It’s exactly why ‘boy kibble’ is so appealing.
These are some simple suggestions to encourage a step up to the kibble plan:
Stock the freezer with frozen veggies
Buy more healthy sauces instead of sugar-based ones that high in preservatives
Have pre-cut veggies available
Keep a variety of pre-cooked proteins
Store up on microwaveable grain options like Quinoa blends, Couscous, and Farro
Let them keep the ‘boy kibble’ and avoid shaming the repetition
Sometimes these healthy habits don’t start with perfect choices. Workable choices, however, can be easy for parents to get behind. How can you make what they’re already willing to eat a little better?
It’s a challenge every parent faces: striking that precarious balance between providing for their kids while still fostering independence. In today’s world, previous generations‘ struggles are a thing of the past, making that balance even harder to strike.
One parent recently found themselves at a loss with this predicament. They took to Reddit to see if they should “manufacture hardship” for their kids.
In their post, they explained how they and their husband grew up “poor,” but managed to create a “very comfortable upper-middle-class life.”
Because they freelance, they’re able to be a completely “engaged” parent as well—always there for “school pick-ups and getting driven around to extracurriculars.”
And while the OP’s kids don’t act spoiled with material things, they noticeably lack a “capacity for dealing with even slight inconveniences.” From getting picked up five minutes later than their normal time, to minor switches to dinner plans, to non-VIP experiences at theme parks, this parent noted “attitudes” and “unregulated frustrations.”
“If they ever face a college essay question about overcoming adversity, I don’t think they would even be able to answer it,” they wrote.
Why kids today aren’t as resilient
In an article for Psychology Today,Nancy Colier LCSW, Rev. noted the rise of “helicopter parenting” and living life via a curated social media algorithm makes unregulated kids a common dilemma. Both, she argues, are symptoms of a modern culture that “conditions us to believe that life should be how we want it to be, that we shouldn’t have to struggle, and that our children shouldn’t have to, either.”
She goes on to say that “we don’t do our kids any favors” when we erase any trace of character building discomfort, and instead, “we create people who are dissatisfied and unhappy, and ultimately, are unable to deal with real life.”
However, Dr. Kate Renshaw, Director at Play and Filial Therapy, argues that “the real issue isn’t that children’s lives are too easy, it’s that they’re too tightly managed.” Furthermore, she tells Upworthy that “manufacturing hardship” can cause more harm than good.
“Hardship without a consistent trusting relationship is confusing and stressful,” she says. “The neuroscience is clear: a child’s nervous system needs a co-regulatory anchor—a safe adult—to process difficulty in a way that builds resilience rather than artificially add to states of dysregulation.”
This is why she suggests encouraging “unstructured, child-led play” where frustration tolerance can “naturally develop.” This can look like a stuck Play-Doh lid, navigating friendship decisions about gameplay, or outdoor play where the natural elements cannot be controlled by adults.
Suffice it to say, if even experts can’t agree on which approach is best, there isn’t exactly a one-size-fits-all solution. Even in the Reddit comments, some agreed that the parent should introduce some friction, while others said the attitude might go away on its own. So at the very least, maybe parents in this situation can give themselves a little grace.
When Marypat Velasco was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease) near the end of 2024, what she thought would be the golden age of her life quickly took an unexpected turn. The plans she had made for this next phase were abruptly altered, and new plans had to be made.
In the face of such adversity, she and her family created a bucket list. They would stop at nothing to make sure that everything was completed and checked off. But one item was proving a bit more difficult.
One of her daughters, Molly Velasco, took to Threads and tagged the New York Knicks directly:
“@nyknicks: My amazing mother Marypat, nurse of 47 years, my best friend, & everyone’s favorite person just finished her last clinical trial for ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. The last item on her bucket list is to see her favorite team, the New York Knicks, play at @thegarden, but all your accessible tickets are sold out. Is there ANYTHING you can do? Please help me make this happen. I have completed every other item on her bucket list. This is her last item & the last szn she has.”
Director Spike Lee responds to Molly Velasco’s Thread. Photo credit: Threads
Spike Lee entered the chat
As luck would have it, notoriously devoted Knicks fan Spike Lee entered the chat almost immediately. He even signed off on his post as though it were a letter: “DM me. Spike Lee.”
Molly jumped on the offer, replying, “OH MY GOSH! Yes! Just sent you a message!” Lee later followed up, saying he had reached out and was “waiting to hear back.”
Just his appearance in the comment section was enough to get the proverbial ball rolling. Other celebrities, including actress Yvette Nicole Brown, chimed in, tagging New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani and others. The outpouring of love was beautiful. Thousands of comments flowed in, as one might imagine.
One Threader noted the speed at which Lee chimed in: “Can we talk about how FAST Spike Lee responded? All these huge billion-dollar companies and organizations are silent, and this man is on it. Great job. No notes, Spike!”
Raising awareness for ALS
Molly shared additional updates, using them to raise awareness about ALS and highlight the disease’s rapid progression. In one post, she expressed gratitude to the many people who had reached out:
“For those of you who have been touched by ALS, my heart breaks for you. It is truly the cruelest disease. Thank you for sharing and understanding. I look forward to replying to you over the next few days and hearing about the amazing people you love.”
Marypat Velasco with family members. Photo credit: Molly Velasco
Then came the update everyone had been waiting for:
“UPDATE: WE ARE GOING TO NYC BABYYYY!!!! Thriends, WE DID IT!! Thanks to all of you & especially Trish Fuller ✨ (@trishmfuller) ✨, our new friend & fairy godmother from the original post, mere days before the last regular game of the season, THE @nyknicks reached out to us & have generously offered us tix & the opportunity to come watch warm-ups courtside! We will cross off my mom’s last bucket list item: ‘I have always wanted to see my New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden.’ Sunday, Knicks vs. Hornets!!”
Molly Velasco (left) and her mother, Marypat. Photo credit: Molly Velasco
Upworthy reached out to Molly to learn more about the family. As she packed for New York, she took the time not only to answer questions, but also to ask whether ALS had touched my family. That’s the kind of caring advocate she is.
Marypat, the “favorite” Velasco
Upworthy: Tell us anything you’d like to share about your mom.
Molly: “She is the sweetest, funniest most stubborn person you will ever meet. We all say she’s everyone ‘favorite Velasco’ because she is. She is the most incredible friend, nurse, and mom. She loves to read and instilled a love of reading in all of us. She has a green thumb so has a garden every summer and house plants year round. She adopts senior golden retrievers. Her current pup is Javier, a ten year old golden she’s had for 5 years. He’s completely blind and was formally a street dog in Istanbul, Turkey.
Marypat Velasco with her dogs. Photo credit: Molly Velasco
We share a passion for culinary and food. Her favorite song is Ventura Highway by America and she always had music playing in our house growing up. She has always been open hearted and minded. She believes everyone deserves food, safety, medical care and shelter. And has taken in any of my friends who need a family. Definitely a more the merrier person. She says adorable things like ‘holy smokies!’ And ‘wowie zowie’. And…has been a fierce advocate for mental health care.”
Always loved the Knicks
Upworthy: Has she always been a Knicks fan?
Molly: “YES! She is from Hyde Park, NY, and she and her 4 brothers all played basketball. Since she was a little girl, she had a poster of Walt Frazier on her wall. She became a fan watching the Knicks with her dad, my Pop, and her brothers.”
Upworthy: Who ended up hooking you up with the tickets?
Molly: “One of the women who saw my post—Trish—used to work at MSG. She DM’d me and asked for my email and had friends that still worked there. She followed up with them over and over until her friend Tony, who works for the Garden, passed along the message to the Knicks Social Impact team, where a member of their team, Isaiah, emailed me. I sobbed immediately when I read the email!”
The bucket list
Upworthy: What else was on her bucket list?
Molly:
“-See America in Concert
-Pet Harpita (seriously spicy cat)
-Make the kids make each others Xmas gifts for fun
-Eat David’s Halibut from the Cape
-See brothers all together in one place
-Stay in a house that opens up to the beach like a Diane Keaton/Diane Lane movie
-Eat really good New York Rye Bread
-Go back to Hyde Park and see my childhood house my dad built
-Try Korean BBQ
-Eat Crème Brulee for the first time
-See the New York Knick’s Play at Madison Square Garden
The beautiful thing about this so that she traveled with traveling nurse and lived so much her whole life she didn’t have huge things on her bucket list. She had already jumped out of a plane skydiving and got a tattoo at 50, traveled all over the US minus 4 states. She lived her whole life 💛
There are also 3 things she said would be too hard, go to Santa Fe Art galleries, see orcas in the wild, go to the inside passage, and go on safari so she made me promise I would go when she’s gone and that way she can come with me.”
How quickly life changed
Upworthy: How has her diagnosis impacted your family?
Molly: “It turned our life upside down. My mom was set to retire from nursing after an amazing 47 years in May 2025 but was diagnosed the previous December 30, 2024. She was really looking forward to her next chapter—had planned to move closer to my sister, who is in PA, from MA.
Wanted to have a garden and volunteer helping animals and just enjoy her retirement. I was working for a local nonprofit that fights food insecurity in North Central Massachusetts. I had built our youth program from the ground up and recently got some funding to grow my fun farm days, where I bring at-risk youth to historically excluded farmer organic farms, where we help out, do projects, and learn about the food system.
When we got her diagnosis, everything changed. My entire perspective shifted, and my first thought post-shock was we need to go to the beach more. She had been rapidly deteriorating in ability starting the June prior, so we knew this was a possibility. The diagnosis process is truly the beginning of the nightmare. She got her first EMG in September, and then you just have to wait three months to get tested again. All the while, she’s getting worse and worse. It was terrifying. She was getting so weak that I begged them to let her get in earlier because she was getting so much worse we were confident they would see a change.
Marypat Velasco with family. Photo credit: Molly Velasco
By the time you’re diagnosed, you are so behind already on everything. Her ALS started with arm weakness and her core muscles, which means her breathing was impacted really early. She is a stubborn nurse, though, so she kept saying she was totally fine.”
What others should know
Upworthy: What would you want other families who have received this diagnosis to know?
Molly: “Our doctors and team at the Sean Healy ALS Clinic out of Massachusetts General Hospital told us early on that the three things that cause you to progress even quicker are losing weight, falls, and feeling hopeless. So I would say to them, eat what feels good and tastes good. If that’s mashed potatoes and chocolate cake for 12 meals in a row, do that! Lean into what sounds yummy to you. Embrace equipment. It’s so hard because ALS doesn’t give you time to breathe or grieve. The sooner you embrace the tools, the more living you can do. And the hardest one, in my opinion, is trying to find hope with a disease that not only has no cure but also is so scary—you have to find a reason to keep going.”
Finding glimmers of good
Molly: “You have to find some joy in humor in these impossible circumstances. We started searching for glimmers. Some are big, like being able to go to the New York Knicks, but also sometimes it’s just an exceptionally good cup of coffee in the morning.
Or my very grumpy cat, who hates everyone, choosing to lay on my mom, purring so loudly, or right now, as I send this, my mom is sitting outside basking in the sun.
Every night before bed, we say what our glimmers were from that day. It’s helped us focus on not only the big good things but also the small good things, like three amazing songs playing in a row on shuffle or one of our many house plants I’m trying not to kill growing a new leaf. Even in my next chapter, I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life collecting glimmers.
Not every day is good, but there is something good in every day.”
It’s a bittersweet situation for many adults. You live close enough to your own parents that grandma and grandpa can help out with the kids from time to time. On the one hand, you’ve got the luxury of a village at your disposal. Holidays are a cinch. Yay. But with that close proximity also comes blurry boundaries, which can take on the form of “surprise” grandparent visits during the most inopportune times.
Which brings us to the question: should grandparents be able to drop by unannounced in the first place? If you ask grandfather of two Rick Cognata, who regularly posts grandparent related content on his “Legacy Of A Grandpa” Instagram account, you’ll get a pretty definitive answer.
Should grandparents call before visiting?
In a video posted in early 2025, Cognata shared why making a call first might be a better move, explaining how well it works for his own kids.
“I am on my way to my daughter’s house and guess what? I called first,” Cognata began. “I said, ‘Hey, do you mind if I come over? I’m missing them. I just want to pop over. I’ll bring some food, whatever.’”
While this time Cognata’s daughter gave the okay, in the past she’s also told him “No Dad, today is not a good day.” And offering up this bit of autonomy can make all the difference in a grandparent-parent dynamic. Though Cognata shared that it’s not quite the norm.
“I see a lot with my friends that this presents a problem with … us grandparents … that just pop over. Like, ‘This is my kid, they live around the corner from me, I will pop over when I want. My parents did it to me and I do it to them.’”
Cognata concluded by saying that of course, the drop in policy will differ from family to family, but in his own observation, “I hear a lot of my friends’ children saying, ‘I wish they would call.’ So that’s all I’m saying … some of us might be crossing that line a little bit.”
Most of the comments agree
By and large, folks generally seemed to agree with Cognata’s stance.
“Totally agree it’s called respect as our children are now adults themselves. ❤️
“ I ALWAYS make contact first. They are a separate family unit to us and have their own life and routines. This has to be respected ❤️ ❤️ ”
“Agreed! Your kids are now your friends and they deserve your respect. Not everyone is up for company ( family) at any given time. They need to have their own space and decide when the timing is right. I expect the same from them. It works beautifully that way! ❤️”
Still, others felt the rule tobe unnecessary.
“It’s sad that family can’t pop over like it was when I grew up. But once an adult child gets married we have to respect how they want to live.”
“When I was younger and into my early married life, we would pop over to people’s houses all the time. I think it’s a southern thing.”
Southerners – do people stop by your house all the time? Photo credit: Canva
Whether or not you totally agree with Cognata’s opinion on this particular topic, it’s easy to see how it brings up a broader shift in how we approach family dynamics. Terms like “boundaries” certainly weren’t as mainstream when we (or our parents) were growing up, and it’s still relatively new territory for everyone. That’s why having open conversations, even online ones, can be pivotal for gaining perspective and possibly finding an approach that’s a win win for everyone.
By the way, Cognata has all kinds of grandparent-related discussions on his Instagram, which you can find here.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Being locked in a metal box with 150 random people all hurtling through the air at 30,000 feet is quite the social experiment, but one many of us do willingly in this age of air travel. One of the most notable parts of that experiment is that you never know who’s going to sit near you on an airplane. Will you get the quiet reader? The Chatty Cathy? The cougher who doesn’t cover their mouth? The sweet-but-over-perfumed old lady? The parent with a baby who screams from takeoff to landing?
Flying can feel like a game of roulette, especially when you find yourself sitting near one of the most unpredictable forces on Earth: a toddler. Tiny tots can make for the most delightful trip ever or the most annoying one, but as one couple demonstrates, the difference sometimes comes down to our own attitude.
A video shared on Reddit reads, “We were on the plane when this baby’s hand kept reaching out and touching my arm from behind…” At first, we see a zoomed-in shot of a woman’s arm next to the window as a little hand reaches around the side of her seat and taps her repeatedly and enthusiastically. Then the camera pans to the woman’s face and the face of the man with her, and their expressions say it all.
Clearly, the child is enjoying the feel of the woman’s arm. Tap tap tap, rub rub, squeeze, tap tap. No hesitation, zero sense of decorum, just a totally oblivious toddler sensory experience. A little annoying? Probably. Pure and wholesome and worthy of a laugh? Absolutely.
This woman could have asked the parent to stop their child from touching her (and she may have eventually). Not everyone finds small children cute and some people have sensory issues of their own that make such encounters more bothersome than it would be for others. But assuming the toddler arm massage was temporary and that the parents saw what was happening and stopped it, the reaction of the couple is a perfect example of finding the joy in life and rolling with the punches.
As the post reads, “Those small hands are a sign of absolute tenderness,” and people are loving the immediate mirthful reaction the pair had to the wee one’s curious little fingers.
An adult touching a toddler’s hand. Photo credit: Canva
“Nothing cuter than seeing a baby flailing their arms and slapping things because they are happy. They have no control. They just know they’re happy.”
“The baby slaps ‘yep this is good arm’ tap tap.”
“My grandma had the softest bat wings in the world. I used to love to touch them. I’m sure she was self conscious about it but I loved them lol.”
“As a parent I would be horrified to discover my kid was doing this but so relieved that they were such good sports about it. These are the types of people we need on airplanes.”
“Same, I’m always concerned how my kid behaves on a plane ride (and he freaking loves being on a plane) but I find most people to be such good sports around him. Love when it works out that way. Though I 10/10 would have snatched that hand away soon as I noticed .”
“The people laughing were so kind! I can imagine some people would lose it if a child did this but they just enjoyed it. “
“Seriously! Seeing the humor in everyday life says a lot about their temperament. They seem like great folks.”
Some people shared their own stories of toddlers similarly pawing at perfect strangers. It’s helpful to remember that these little ones have only been on the planet for a hot minute and they barely have anything figured out yet. The nuances of what and whom to touch and not to touch takes a while, as does having the impulse control to not just reach out and feel whatever looks soft or interesting in the moment.
A toddler looking out of an airplane window. Photo credit: Canva
“When my sister was a baby, she had an obsession with hair. My mom had her on a plane when she was probably 15 months or so and she was practically vibrating about the young woman seated next to my mom. She had Marida hair – massive red curls down to her waist.
Mom leaned over to her and said, ‘I am sorry to bother you, but my baby has a hair fetish. She may try to reach over and touch your hair, just let me know if she bothers you. She won’t pull on purpose, she’s just gonna want to touch it.’
The lady thought it was cute and let my sister hold her hair balled up in her little fists for the whole flight. I think I’ve head this story about 17161626185 times in my life, lol.”
“Little kids like to just touch stuff to learn more about the world around them, but parents need to be constantly paying attention so their kid doesn’t accidentally harass someone!”
“A little kid of around that age did this to me at a restaurant once- he walked up to me, rubbed my bare forearm, and then gave me that same mesmerized look and tapped me with his hand a couple times. I didn’t think too much of it (was more puzzled/confused than anything), but his mom had to pick him up and apologized anyway. Kids are funny haha.”
“Yes this is so adorable. The last time I took a flight with a kid sitting behind me he was kicking my seat for like two hours before I politely turned around and gave a look to his mother and said ‘hey my little friend. I know this flight is long and you wanna get out of this seat but do you mind not kicking my seat anymore?’ Then I gave him a piece of paper and some (like 5 out of my 50) colored pencils and asked him if he could make me a secret drawing and pass it to me quietly and I’d make him one. I’m an artist and I always carry watercolors and colored pencils and sketch books on flights. We ended up passing drawing back and forth for the rest of the remaining 5 hour flight. He didn’t kick my seat again… I suspect it was the poignant look I gave mom. But so he was engaged. Every 20 minutes or so I’d feel a little tap on my arm and a folded up little drawing would appear. I still have them in the pocket of a moleskin somewhere.”
Here’s to grownups joyfully embracing the reality of co-existing with small children, in all their curious, sensory-driven, hands-on glory.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
When we think of parenting we usually think of the years from birth to college age, when kids become legal adults and many start fleeing the nest. It’s not as if there’s a magic switch that gets flipped at 18, suddenly making kids no longer need their parents. However, the young adult years are a time when people gradually grow into their independence, taking on the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood.
But what happens after that? Once kids have grown and flown, what role do parents play? They’re no longer rulemakers or final authorities, and they certainly aren’t responsible for ensuring basic needs are met, but that doesn’t mean their parenting years are over.
Parenting doesn’t stop when kids grow up
A video from a mom named Hannah shows what supportive, active parenting looks like with fully grown children, and it’s a beautiful example of how parent-child relationships ideally evolve over time. “My parents could write a manual on how to practically love your adult children,” wrote Hannah Cases of @hannahwiththelipstick. “I was feeling overwhelmed and this was their response.”
As she sits outside with a blanket around her shoulders and a warm mug in her hand, Hannah’s parents are shown playing with her child, cooking some soup, organizing and cleaning, and otherwise taking some of the load off her shoulders.
I think this is what people mean when they say “it takes a village”. ? If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say “I’m fine” or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words “I love you”. I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. ?? #ittakesavillage#myvillage#familyiseverything#ittakesavillagetoraiseachild#grandparentgoals#parentgoals#loveyouradultchildren#grandparentslove#parentslove
In the caption of the video, she expanded her thoughts:
“I think this is what people mean when they say ‘it takes a village.’ If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say ‘I’m fine’ or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents/grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words ‘I love you.’ I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. “
It’s true that not everyone has parents or a relationship with their parents that would give them this kind of support, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t desperate for it.
The response was overwhelming
“Honestly seeing this inspires me to be this parent… I pray one day I can create a space this loving for my daughter. I wish every family had this. The world would be such a better, more healthy place.”
“Such a gift. I wish we all had parents like this.”
“100000000x this!!! Arguably we need you more than ever, now! We crave independence when we are young, and family/support as we grow our own. ❤️❤️❤️❤️”
“I really wish my mother was capable of this kind of love and support, but unfortunately many of us don’t have this… count yourself blessed if you do!! ❤️”
“You are very blessed to have them ❤️ myself and my husband’s parents don’t ever come around for us or our 2 kiddos and it’s very sad. We have no village except our good friends.”
“All I get when I tell my mom I’m struggling is ‘I remember those days.’ Happy for people who have this support but also jealous But someday I will be there for my grown kids with whatever they need.”
“I hope I get the opportunity to show up for my adult babies and their babies like this someday.”
“My parents are like this and I’m SO thankful. My mom showed up Monday with a coffee for me. Today both kids have swim class. My dad tags along, and every Wednesday he brings us breakfast. Little things like that, that just make it a little easier on me. My parents live 6 minutes away and I tell them all the time I couldn’t do it without them!”
“We live 15 away from my in-laws. Once a week, my Mother-in-law does one on one time with my two kids. Since the kiddos will nap during the time it’s not their turn with their mimi, it really ends up being such a wonderful break for me. It really does take a village!”
“I tell my parents all the time that I still need my mommy and daddy lol it sounds silly, but it’s so true! I’m so thankful they live one street over and are always available at the drop of a hat! ❤️”
The Today Show addresses parenting adult children. YouTube
Hannah’s video runs counter to the current narrative we often hear online, where baby boomer generation grandparents aren’t taking as active a role in being grandparents as their parents did. A big reason often cited is that baby boomers have more money to pursue their interests than their parents did, so they’re spending their golden years on their own, instead of helping the younger generation.
Building your own village
Though it’s sad to see in the comments how many people don’t have this kind of support, it’s also a good reminder to be there for one another when and how we can be. There’s no substitute for loving and supportive parents, but any friend or family member who has the time and inclination can help fill that role when they see there’s a need.
It’s always good to see positive examples of healthy relationships, both to know what’s possible and to inspire us to be the people—the village—we want someone to be for us.
Few forces are more powerful than a full-blown toddlertantrum. In those moments, when parents cycle through snacks, bribes, gentle-parenting scripts, and increasingly unhinged negotiations, all to no avail, it’s understandable they’d try almost anything. Including, apparently, summoning a mysterious woman named Jessica.
Having fallen out of popularity since its heyday in the ’80s, “Jessica” has found new life, not in classrooms, but in viral parenting videos.
Across TikTok, desperate moms and dads are shouting the name mid-meltdown and watching in stunned silence as their toddlers abruptly stop crying and look around for this offscreen character.
For Tiffani Ortega, a Florida mom, the tactic came out of sheer exhaustion. Her toddler, Luca, was in the middle of a familiar post-park meltdown while being buckled into his car seat, which he apparently “did not like,” she told Today.
In a viral clip, her husband can be heard saying, “Come here, Jessica. He’s crying. Are you going to stop crying? Because Jessica is coming. You want Jessica to come?”
The result was immediate: Luca was miraculously silent.
Meanwhile, in California, Evanthia Davis had a nearly identical experience with the viral hack. Hearing her daughter Delilah crying inside, she called out, “Jessica!”
Delilah stopped mid-cry and began looking around for Jessica.
“Wow, this worked so well. This will be my new go-to when my baby / toddler cries,” Davis wrote in the caption.
Yet another mom shared that she’s tried the trick three times. Each time, her daughter “magically stops crying and starts looking for the Jessica that does not exist.”
“Jessica, the new HR director of toddlers,” joked one person, while another added, “Jessica must run a strict program because these kids are shook.”
Why the Jessica parenting trick works
As funny as it looks, there’s actually some science behind why it works. As Dr. Deborah Gilboa told Today, toddlers have an impressive amount of “perseverance” and “object permanence,” meaning they remain upset long after the inciting incident.
Why are parents to yelling “Jessica” at their toddlers mid-meltdown? Honestly, there’s some real science behind why it works. What parents are accidentally stumbling onto is called a pattern interrupt. A toddler in a meltdown has a brain completely locked in an emotional loop, and an unexpected neutral stimulus can break that cycle and create a window for redirection. The key word is neutral. It works because it’s surprising, not because it’s scary or threatening. The moment your child feels alarmed or confused by what you’re doing, you have added fear to an already overwhelmed nervous system. That is not a win. That makes it worse. And here’s what nobody in these videos is saying: this stops working fast. Children habituate quickly. Once Jessica is familiar, the novelty is gone and so is the effect. It is one tool for one moment, not a parenting strategy. There are so many versions of this on TikTok. The dad who suddenly starts singing and acting silly and watches his toddler dissolve into giggles is doing the exact same thing, just with humor and connection as the interrupt. The mechanism is identical. The delivery is warmer. My personal favorite is taking them outside. Get down to their level. Touch some bark together. Listen for birds. That is a pattern interrupt too, just one that also shifts the nervous system through nature, curiosity, and connection. Tantrums are developmentally normal. Your toddler is supposed to have big feelings they do not yet have the brain wiring to manage. Your job is not to shut those feelings down. It is to help them move through safely. Save this for the next meltdown. Follow for more and drop your question below. I read them and your question might be the next one I answer. #toddler#tantrum#jessicatrend#parenting#childpsychiatrist
However, as child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins explained in a TikTok video, saying something unexpected, like “Where is Jessica?”, creates a “pattern interrupt.” That surprise pulls the upset kiddo out of the emotional loop, giving parents enough time to redirect their focus.
Experts say distraction techniques like this can be helpful in the moment, especially when emotions are running high. Redirecting attention, introducing something novel, or even changing the environment can help de-escalate a tantrum long enough for a calmer interaction to follow.
Of course, like all good magic tricks, it probably won’t work forever. Once your toddler catches on that Jessica never actually arrives, her power may fade.
Until then, she remains a surprisingly effective, slightly chaotic ally for parents everywhere. And hey, in the middle of a grocery store meltdown, we’ll take what we can get.
