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Parents of kids mid-meltdown get support instead of judgment, and it's so dang beautiful

Parents of kids mid-meltdown get support instead of judgment, and it's so dang beautiful

Practically everyone who has had kids knows that meltdowns happen. Whether it's a two-year-old who doesn't know how to express themselves or an older kid who is having a particularly rough life moment, children sometimes lose control of their emotions. Unfortunately, meltdowns that happen in public can bring the Judgey McJudgertons out of the woodwork—which is why a Twitter thread of parents receiving kindness and support instead of side-eye and judgment has parents breathing a sigh of relief.


Writer Joy McCullough shared a brief but beautiful story on Twitter that got thousands of shares and prompted parents to share their own stories of strangers' kindness in their darkest parenting moments.


"Toddler is melting down in the library," McCullough wrote. "The mom is mortified. A stern old lady approaches & I hold my breath. 'It's okay,' she tells the mom. 'I've been there. You're doing great.' And then to the toddler, 'You're doing great, too. You're doing your best.'

Now THAT is what every parent—and toddler, for that matter—needs to hear in the midst of a meltdown moment.

Other parents chimed in with stories of their own, and they're the balm all parents of young kids need.


One mom shared how her son was having a public meltdown a few years ago and she was on the verge of tears herself trying to calm him down, when and older woman came over and asked if she could walk with them for a bit.

"She pushed my cart with my son in it while I grabbed our groceries (and monitored) and just talked quietly to my son for a few minutes. He was quiet and listened to her. Once he was calm she patted my arm, said 'it takes a village, right?' and went on her way. She was my angel."

Seriously, unless you've been there at your wit's end as a parent, you can't imagine how helpful someone's kindness and understanding can be.


And other times just a few words of encouragement while you're trying to wrangle an unruly, overtired kiddo can make a world of difference. A simple shout out like "Be strong, mama!" can be just the boost you need to not completely melt down your self.

The thread includes a few "yOuR ToDdelR iS mAnipUlatTinG yOU!" comments from the get-off-my-lawn crowd, but they are far outweighed by stories of support and understanding.


"7yo melted down in hardware store," wrote Melissa Harris. "I did my best to keep calm and calm him. Get to checkout & woman came up to me. She wanted me to know that she thought I had done an amazing job and even in a meltdown my son was cute. Made my month."


"Those moments mean so much to a parent," added Alexa Winton. "My 4yo daughter had literal Roid rage on a flight (steroids for asthma) and the lady next to us only said to me "I forgot how hard it is to travel with young children" And I will never forget that act of kindness."

RELATED: 10 ways kids appear to be acting naughty but actually aren't.



You just never know what a child or parent is dealing with. Even in the absence of special needs, occasional meltdowns are a developmentally normal behavior. With gentle guidance and consistent parenting, kids do eventually move beyond that phase and gradually gain more control over their emotional regulation, but it takes time. And once the tantrum train has left the station, it's usually just a matter of waiting it out until they can actually be reasoned with.


Indeed. It's not like parents teach their kids to throw fits in public. I can't count how many times I heard people say, "If you don't give in to tantrums, they'll stop," when my kids were little. Yeah, no. I never gave my kids something they demanded during a tantrum, but that didn't stop them from occasionally melting down because they were overtired, overstimulated, or simply taxed beyond what their tiny human psyche could handle in the moment.

The whole thread is worth a read. It will restore your faith in humans and remind you of the importance of everyday heroes.


Parents need support, and going out of your way to be kind is far more helpful than going out of your way to judge. Let's hear it for kind old ladies trying to save the world, one little pep talk at a time.

Years after it happened, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.


Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com


Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

@couplesthearpywithjohnathan/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

A couples therapist shares the 9 common phone habits that should be considered red flags.

Odds are we all have some bad phone habits that aren’t necessarily serving our intimate relationships. But those flaws, like scrolling through social media during time together, for instance, are totally manageable. A partner’s overt secrecy with their device, on the other hand, might warrant some real concern.

Still, experts usually suggest that we almost never check our significant other’s phones if we suspect questionable behavior, however tempting it may be. However, there are certain signs that one can be on the lookout for in order to make an informed decision.

Couples therapist Jonathan Van Viegen, MA MFT, recently shared the 9 phone behaviors that he and his wife “never let happen” in their marriage.


1. Not sharing passwords

Most American couples tend to share passwords within a few months of dating. So if there’s reluctance to share passwords in a long term relationship, this could be a red flag.

2. Hiding their phone

Guess the saying of “if you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to fear” applies here.

3. Keeping phone face down

While it’s completely understandable to turn the phone face down to escape from a barrage of notifications, this could be something to take note of if you suspect your partner isn’t being truthful.

4. Turning body or phone away from you when they’re on it

Again, this isn’t inherently malicious. Perhaps this partner is simply trying to not distract themselves or their loved one. But it takes on new meaning if it’s combined with these other behaviors and it could spell problems.

5. Closing apps or locking phone when you approach them

This one is a lot less ambiguous, as the person is clearly trying to cover up their tracks.

6. New password change

As someone who’s watched my husband get locked out of accounts randomly and have to change his password countless times, I would argue that there are plenty of benign reasons for changing passwords. But again, in combination with other behaviors, I could see how this might get labeled as a red flag.

7. Hot and cold about you touching their phone.

If “sometimes it’s okay, other times it’s met with a big reaction,” then you’ve got yourself a red flag.

8. Gets angry or defensive when approached about their behavior

This is kind of a red flag for nearly any subject. Couples should be able to have difficult conversations. In this case, about the need for privacy. If they are aggressively “protective” about it, partners should maybe be wary.

9. Suddenly highly protective of their phone

If your partner goes from being completely open about sharing their phone to suddenly not wanting you near it, that could be a red flag. Unless of course they are currently trying to plan a surprise party for you (also speaking from experience here).

Van Viegen did add the disclaimer that while this set of rules works for his marriage, he’s not saying that everyone should “follow our example - so you do you. But be reassured knowing that at least one other couple in the world isn’t putting up with these disheartening red flags.”

Solving Trust Issues in Relationships

Of course, for some couples, it might be less about looking for red flags and instead looking for ways to build, or rebuild trust. In another video, Van Viegen breaks down three steps to help with that.

1. Focus on Your Desired Future

Instead of getting stuck in past betrayals or breaches of trust, envision a future where trust is restored. Imagine what relationship would look like “when trust is fully restored,” and look for “small signs” that trust is returning, he advises.

2. Identify Exceptions

“Nothing is all bad all the time. Reflect on those times when trust was felt, even if it was small or brief…By examining these exceptions, you’ll store moments in your memory bank where trust was possible—allowing you to build on those moments,” Van Viegen writes.

3. Measure Your Progress

Get a clear picture of where your relationship currently stands when it comes to trust on a scale of 1-10. And keep asking yourself “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much trust do I feel in my partner right now?” and “What would need to happen to move that number up just one point?” throughout the process. As with most things, recording progress is very helpful.

For more tips like this, give Van Viegen a follow on Instagram here.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.


The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs last year when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak told the AP.

american kennel club, french bulldog, most popular dog

An adorable French Bulldog

via Pixabay

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations and nerve pain as they age.

Here are the AKC’s top ten most popular dog breeds for 2022.

1 French Bulldogs

2 Labrador Retrievers

3 Golden Retrievers

4 German Shepherd Dogs

5 Poodles

6 Bulldogs

7 Rottweilers

8 Beagles

9 Dachshunds

10 German Shorthaired Pointers


This article originally appeared on 03.17.23

Identity

'I wanted to jump like a girl.' Pole vaulter Sam Kendricks credits women for his success.

The Olympic silver medalist was asked who he wanted to jump like when he was younger. His answer was everything.

Photo credit: filip bossuyt from Kortrijk, Belgium

Sam Kendricks competing at the 2018 IAAF World Indoor Championships in Athletics

Sam Kendricks is an excellent pole vaulter, as evidenced by his multiple national and World Championship wins and his two Olympic medals in the track & field event, and he credits the women in his sport for his rise to the top.

A reporter asked Kendricks, who took home the silver medal at the 2024 Paris Olympic Games, who he wanted to jump like when he was younger, and his answer was refreshing.

Kendricks turns the tables on doing something 'like a girl'

"I wanted to jump like a girl," he said. "It's funny, I was a great loser. I was not the gifted athlete. And at every level in the beginning I was jumping with the girls. And not because they weren't good, but because I can learn a lot from them and they beat me every time. And I learned how to jump like Stacy Dragila, the first Olympic champion in the women's pole vault…I jump like a girl.

Kendricks said that women saved the sport of pole vault because it was too dangerous in the past. He said 17 or 18 young men have died pole vaulting, but no women have.

"Women prove that people can be smart and still pole vault. So it made coaches and athletes get smarter. And girls know how to pole vault because it's different speed, you can't hide flaws. Some of the greatest girls are the best technicians, right? You can't argue that."

Watch:

Women have only been pole vaulting in the Olympics since 2000

People may be surprised to learn how young women's pole vault is as a competitive sport. There wasn't a World Championships for the event until 1999 and women's pole vault was only added to the Olympics in the Sydney games in 2000. (For comparison, men have been pole vaulting in the Olympics since 1896.)

Kendricks casually but confidently giving kudos to women in pole vault is important on multiple levels. For one, seeing a man name a woman as his role model in a sport is unusual. The pioneers of women's sport only had men to look to for training examples and heroes, so seeing the reverse is a heartening sign of a more level playing field. But Kendrick goes a step further in saying that women have made pole vault better. Gender parity isn't just about balancing inequalities—it can actually be beneficial for everyone in the sport.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

People in the comments appreciated Kendricks' answer.

"What a great guy, its so refreshing to hear him say all this."

"It's almost as if learning from those that have been disadvantaged and found ways to overcome their hurdles, rather than those that depend on luck's gifts, is the best way to become your best self. Who'd have thunk it."

"Open-minded observation leading to smart tactics. That's what we are talking about."

"AND, look how nothing was taken away from him? He complimented, valued, learned and respected a woman/women, and he is just the same person/man, if not better! Who knew? What a great leader for today's men."

"So wonderful to listen to a man so comfortable in his masculinity and prowess that he can actually compliment and acknowledge women's accomplishments without having to lash out and try to destroy. Thank you for your maturity."

Gender parity in sports is beneficial for everyone

Some people pointed out that women frequently have better technique in various sports than men because they can't rely on sheer muscle strength to power through moves. So men can—and do—learn about more effective technique from women.

"Observing and learning from women often leads to better technique. Guys will try to muscle out a move, for most women that is not an option."

"They had to create the correct technique; they couldn’t just be strong. I think it’s the same with rock climbing too."

"I’m no professional athlete, but I’ve learnt (Japanese) archery in the past. And just like him, I was a struggling loser, when I decided to watch closely both men and women, and decided to try to mimic women. In one year, I went from hopeless to one of the main members of my school for the reasons he listed: girls don’t 'brute force' their way with bad technique, in general. Copying their technique was the best choice I ever made in sports."

"This has been true in the sports I participate in as well: snowboarding, now climbing, and skydiving. Women tend to have some of the best technique and most efficient movement."

"When I coached junior college soccer I would recruit players without a lot of soccer experience, such as basketball players to fill out the roster. I would always tell them to watch high level women’s soccer, like the USA national team because they were technically superior."

Beautiful. Here's to women's sports taking their rightful place in international competitions and here's to the men who recognize, acknowledge and celebrate the ways women having opportunities to compete helps make sports better for everyone.

Culture

Paul Rudd's reaction to being named Sexiest Man Alive is perfectly Paul Rudd

Nothing exemplifies why Rudd was named Sexiest Man Alive more than his reaction to it.

Paul Rudd has been named People's 2021 Sexiest Man Alive.

In perhaps the most universally agreed-upon choice it's ever made, and one of the most surprising, People magazine named Paul Rudd as 2021's Sexiest Man Alive. Even if it's been a few years, it may take some time for that to sink in. I mean we, still can't get over it and present this as evidence that he should be given the new title of Sexiest Man Alive Emeritus.

Rudd, with his boyish grin and flawless skin, is certainly cute. But when you add in his well-established talent and extreme likability, the miraculously immortal icon is equally beloved by rom com fanatics, hipsters and Marvel obsessed comic book fans. He's got it all—the eyes, the hair, the teeth, the bod, as well as the acting chops, the humor, the humility and the genuine nice-guy-ness that makes a man sexy in the eyes of most, if not all, of us.

Nothing exemplifies why Rudd was named Sexiest Man Alive more than his reaction to it.


Check out what he told People:

"I do have an awareness, enough to know that when people hear that I'd be picked for this, they would say, 'What?' This is not false humility. There are so many people that should get this before me."

Humility = sexy.

"When I think about myself, I think of myself as a husband and a father," he said. "Like I'm that. I just hang out with my family when I'm not working. That's what I kind of like the most." (Rudd has been married to his wife Julie for 18 years and they have two kids, Jack, 17, and Darby, 12.)

Family man = super sexy.

"She was stupefied," Rudd said about wife's reaction to the news. "But you know she was very sweet about it. After some giggling and shock, she said 'Oh, they got it right.' And that was very sweet. She was probably not telling the truth, but what's she going to say?"

Sweet husband = oh so sexy.

After saying his friends were going to give him "so much grief" for the title, he added:

"As they should. I would. I mean I'm going to lean into it hard. I'm going to own this. I'm not going to try to be like 'Oh, I'm so modest.' I'm getting business cards made. But all of my friends will destroy me and I expect them to. And that's why they're my friends."

True friendship = Sexy sexy sexy.

Finally, on how his life will change after the title:

"I'm hoping now that I'll finally be invited to some of those sexy dinners with Clooney and Pitt and B. Jordan. And I figure I'll be on a lot more yachts. I'm excited to expand my yachting life. And I'll probably try to get better at brooding in really soft light. I like to ponder. I think this is going to help me become more inward and mysterious. And I'm looking forward to that."

That signature sassy sarcasm that somehow makes him sound self-deprecating = SO DARN SEXY.

He said he had to read the email twice when he received the news, and his first reaction was "Oooh, get ready for outrage."

But of course, there is no outrage because Paul Rudd is a perfect choice. He is *just* unconventionally sexy enough to keep the title interesting, but also totally, 100%, undeniably sexy. Nailed it, People.

And just to add one more fun bit to the mix, watch Stephen Colbert put Paul Rudd through a rigorous audition process to see if he was worthy of being named Sexiest Man Alive:

Which, of course, he is. In both mind and body, as Colbert so hilariously demonstrates:

Thank you, People, for finally acknowledging the obvious. And thanks for the #crushforlife hashtag that speaks for all of us.