+
upworthy
More

'Nice people make great Nazis': Why it's urgent that we rethink politeness in 2018.

When Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked in June to leave a Virginia restaurant —  a restaurant that, in response, allegedly had chicken feces thrown at it by a man who drove over two hours to achieve this rather creative form of “protest”  —  she made a point of saying that she left “politely” and that she always tries to “treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully.”

Later during the week, President Trump suggested that Democratic candidates would have more success at the polls if they were “nicer and more respectful”  —  specifically, to him.


When reporter Selene San Felice, a survivor of the Capital Gazette shooting in Maryland in which five people were killed, told Anderson Cooper on CNN she “couldn’t give a fuck” about the inevitable thoughts and prayers that would be offered ad nauseam, Marco Rubio’s response was to complain about the bothersome word she chose to use.

Although it might seem like a recent development, the prioritization of politeness is traditional for conservatives.

How could it not be? Conservatives are averse to large-scale social change. Politeness functions as a way to preserve the status quo. That's why they, consciously or otherwise, leverage the social contract (“we must all be polite”) to silence criticism and demonize opponents as abrasive and hostile.

It would be one thing if politeness could prevent bloodshed  —  but that’s not what we’re talking about here. In reality, calls for politeness are just about policing people's vocabulary in order to stifle attempts at raising awareness for legitimate judicial issues through more confrontational language and direct forms of action.

In the recent debate over civility, politeness and respectfulness are encouraged as the sorts of values a democratic state should emphasize. But what civility advocates fail to realize is that are may be some issues that are impossible to discuss with the level of seriousness they deserve while remaining within the bounds of politeness.

What if some desired social changes can be more readily achieved by discarding polite discourse and taking more aggressive actions?

Many, of course, think the opposite is true, that the movement that is more confrontational will alienate the key voters necessary to grant them governing power.

But even if that were true for most cases, or true in an overall sense, there could be many important cases in which rejecting politeness is the way to go from a pragmatic standpoint and the right thing to do from an ethical one.

There is an argument to be made that politeness as a concept isn’t about being nice at all, but conspicuously advertising a rejection of hostility. The people most committed to politeness, then, aren't most committed to justice — they're just committed to avoiding conflict. There certainly seems to be nothing in the cultural politeness of, for instance, English or Japanese society to keep their representatives, historically, from committing acts of the most brutal barbarity.

In fact, collective compliance with norms of politeness can serve to enable seriously destructive behaviors.

As Naomi Shulman said of her parents’ neighbors in the Third Reich: “Nice people make the best Nazis.”

This story is excerpted from the essay Is Punching Nazis Impolite? and is reprinted here with permission.

Wear your values with products from PSA Supply Co., an independent site owned by our parent company, GOOD Worldwide Inc. GOOD makes money when you buy these products, and 10% of profits go to The Center for Community Change Action. Use discount code UPWORTHY to get 15% off your first order!
True

Making new friends as an adult is challenging. While people crave meaningful IRL connections, it can be hard to know where to find them. But thanks to one Facebook Group, meeting your new best friends is easier than ever.

Founded in 2018, NYC Brunch Squad brings together hundreds of people who come as strangers and leave as friends through its in-person events.

“Witnessing the transformative impact our community has on the lives of our members is truly remarkable. We provide the essential support and connections needed to thrive amid the city's chaos,” shares Liza Rubin, the group’s founder.

Despite its name, the group doesn’t just do brunch. They also have book clubs, seasonal parties, and picnics, among other activities.

NYC Brunch Squad curates up to 10 monthly events tailored to the specific interests of its members. Liza handles all the details, taking into account different budgets and event sizes – all people have to do is show up.

“We have members who met at our events and became friends and went on to embark on international journeys to celebrate birthdays together. We have had members get married with bridesmaids by their sides who were women they first connected with at our events. We’ve had members decide to live together and become roommates,” Liza says.

Members also bond over their passion for giving back to their community. The group has hosted many impact-driven events, including a “Picnic with Purpose” to create self-care packages for homeless shelters and recently participated in the #SquadSpreadsJoy challenge. Each day, the 100 members participating receive random acts of kindness to complete. They can also share their stories on the group page to earn extra points. The member with the most points at the end wins a free seat at the group's Friendsgiving event.

Keep ReadingShow less
Image from Wikimedia Commons.

Van Gogh’s Starry Night.



Van Gough never got to enjoy his own historic success as an artist (even though we've been able to imagine what that moment might have looked like). But it turns out that those of us who have appreciated his work have been missing out on some critical details for more than 100 years.

I'm not easily impressed, OK?

I know Van Gogh was a genius. If the point of this were "Van Gogh was a mad genius," I would not be sharing this with you.
Keep ReadingShow less
Family

Mom shows why painters tape is her 'weird' thing she'll never travel without

For parents with young kids looking to have a little less travel stress this holiday season—this one's for you.

@nicholaknox/Instagram

A mom shows all the ways painters tape can be useful while traveling

Traveling can be stressful for anyone, but it’s particularly challenging for parents with really young kids. The sitting still for long periods of time, the changes in schedule, the abundance of stimuli, the unexpected stomach bugs, the suddenly running out of diaper wipes…all the things that make trips triggering for toddlers and therefore chaotic for mom and dad.

And while there might not be a way to completely avoid every travel-induced aggravation (it’s all part of the journey!) there are definitely tips and tricks and tools to make it a bit smoother of a process.

For one mom, a peaceful trip always begins with a roll of painter’s tape.
Keep ReadingShow less

Christine Kesteloo has one big problem living on a cruise ship.

A lot of folks would love to trade lives with Christine Kesteloo. Her husband is the Chief Engineer on a cruise ship, so she gets to live on the boat pretty much for free as the “wife on board.” For Christine, life is a lot like living on a permanent vacation.

“I live on a cruise ship for half the year with my husband, and it's often as glamorous as it sounds,” she told Insider. “After all, I don't cook, clean, make my bed, do laundry or pay for food.“

Living an all-inclusive lifestyle seems like paradise, but it has some drawbacks. Having access to all-you-can-eat food all day long can really have an effect on one’s waistline. Kesteloo admits that living on a cruise ship takes a lot of self-discipline because the temptation is always right under her nose.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pets

Dog mom has the most random phone conversation that adorably captures her dog's attention

This nonsensical conversation has the puppy ready for tacos...now!

Dog mom's random conversation has dog on edge of his seat

Dogs are constantly listening even if we don't know it. Their little ears perk up anytime they hear something suspicious or tilt their heads trying to understand what's being said. Some dog owners avoid saying words like "walk," "ride" or "treat" in front of their dogs because they know it will get the dogs overly excited.

One dog mom decided to test her luck by holding a fake phone conversation while her dog was nearby and it was shared to social media by HrtWarming. The conversation was about as nonsensical as it could get because no one else was on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, did you get the treats? Well, he specifically wanted peanut butter. Yeah. Peanut butter treats. Yeah because we're going to go for a ride later," She says. "I think we're going to go for a ride and go to daycare. Camp. Yeah."

At this point the dog is pretty invested in the conversation as he keeps tilting his head from side to side but as the random conversation goes on, he gets more excited.

Keep ReadingShow less
Family

Baby still in diapers is blowing people away with his musical ability at the piano

Young Gavrill seems to intuitively understand music, and the best part is that he does it with such joy.

Gavrill Scherbenko appears to be a musical prodigy.

Mozart blew people away with his composing abilities at age 5. Franz Liszt played piano professionally for the aristocracy when he was 9. Yo-Yo Ma played cello for President John F. Kennedy at age 7.

Musical prodigies have fascinated people for centuries with their mastery of music at unexpected ages. Most of us have the same questions: How and at what age were their abilities discovered? Is it nature or nurture or a combination of both? Can prodigies be created on purpose, or is it something no one can predict or control?

While each musical prodigy has their own unique story, one family is giving the world some early glimpses of what an innate sense for music looks like in a baby who's still in diapers.

Keep ReadingShow less

Is it always best to be honest with friends?

A big parenting trend over the past few decades is people giving their children names that help them stand out instead of fit in. Social scientists say that a big reason for the change in America is the rise of individualism.

“As American culture has become more individualistic, parents have favored giving children names that help them stand out—and that means more unique names and fewer common names,” Jean Twenge, a San Diego State University psychology professor, told the BBC.

However, being an individualist comes with some risks. One can be an iconoclastic trendsetter or seen as desperate, inauthentic and cringeworthy.

Keep ReadingShow less